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Category: General Diversity
Subject: Fathers/Daughters - time spent together
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From a man's point of view...

I am married to my best friend, a woman who innately understands me very well, with little or no explanation. Needless to say, she has a very good relationship with not only her father, but also her brothers. I totally believe that, just as a man's ability to have a healthy relationship can be gauged by his relationship with Mom, a woman's ability to have healthy relationships with the opposite sex is strongly influenced by the men in her family.

When I look back on past relationships before I met my wife, it seems that the women I had the most problems with had either 1) an absent father, or 2) a father that she disliked or hated. What I find especially interesting is that they would say I reminded them of their father (a bad guy), just as my wife says I remind her of HER father (a good guy)! The conclusion I have drawn is that if you don't like Daddy, you also won't like your boyfriend/hubby -- even though you may not see this or admit it to yourself on a conscious level. On the flip side, if you LOVE Daddy, then you are more apt to love your significant other the way that he deserves to be loved. I'm no psychologist, but I have drawn this conclusion from my own personal experiences.

I will even take it a step further and use my own mother as an example. Her father was killed in a car accident when she was just four years old. Her stepfather also died when she was a teenager. But even though both father figures were a part of her life only briefly, they both were very loving toward their children/stepchildren, and her memories of both men were positive. My mom is still married to my dad after 40+ years. Although they have had a few rough spots, it's still pretty clear to me that they love each other very much.

So ladies, if you are finding you are having a lot of trouble in your relationships, this may be something worth looking into. As with anything else, the more you are willing to be honest with yourself, the greater your opportunity for improvement and success. :-)

Raphael S., Baltimore, MD, United States , Male , Black/African American , Straight , Information Technology
Mesg ID: 17bc756b-e416-46f9-8c7b-8fe191bfe584
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