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Category: Gender
Subject: Different Reasons
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Most women, of course, are attracted to good men, just like most men are attracted to good women. Heck, most people would rather spend time with someone who is kind and thoughtful than someone who is selfish and nasty.

But there are exceptions, and I can understand how they would stand out.

The women I know who are attracted to the "bad boys" go that direction for several different reasons.

Some find them "exciting." They like living on the edge, and this certainly qualifies.

Some think they can "save" the poor, misunderstood fellow. They believe that they're not really all that bad underneath, and they (the woman) will be the one who can uncover the good that's really in them.

The majority, though, are simply attracted to the men who are what they are used to; and, sadly, they are used to abuse.

I was once in that category. (No more, not for many years thankfully.)

People who give you the same signals you're familiar with are more predictable, and easier to deal with, than people who don't. If you're used to being abused, you know the signals to look out for; the "danger signs" that show you need to placate or avoid the abuser.

Since, if you've been raised with abuse, you can't really grasp the fact that it's not part of every human relationship, people who aren't at all abusive are somewhat scary. It seems like a paradox, but it's because you think that you can't see the danger signals, so how will you know what to do to be safe?

I was nearly 30 before I'd seen enough non-abusive relationships to realize that it wasn't people giving signals I couldn't read; it was people who weren't ever going to commence with the beatings. (Although, in my case, there was lots more non-physical abuse than physical. I wasn't beaten up more than once or twice a week. The mental/emotional abuse was constant.)

Happily, most women (like most men) outgrow all of these reasons, and start to look for people they can actually live with.

Posted:7/19/2009
By:
Robin W, Westland, MI, United States , 55 , Female , Wiccan , White/Caucasian , Lesbian , Author/Illustrator , 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID: 1fe76847-e435-4131-a081-c5e9d28e2ba8
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