Original Message (Pre-Screened)
Category: Gender
Subject: Why do women "love" being treated like s---
Question: add to Watch List | reply
Why is it that women always run to men who are ass----s or abuse them? And why can't they get out of these relationships?

Mike , Cedar Rapids, IA, United States , 20 , Male , Lutheran , White/Caucasian , Straight , Military , 2 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID: c2d74f52-a544-4226-b723-fd4e41617f88
Share Y? Forum discussion on Facebook Share Y? Forum discussion on Twitter Share Y? Forum discussionShareThis
Pre-screened Responses


Unscreened Responses
Category: Gender
Subject: Bit unfair
Reply: read original | add to Watch List | reply | request removal
I think that's a bit of a generalization to say the least. The fact is, they don't. At least not healthy, well adjusted women. But as with anything, there will be exceptions to this but while we all know of examples, it'd be incorrect to use them as a general rule.

People are complex generally, and women are the most complex of all.

Ben W, Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland, NA, United Kingdom , 25 , Male , Atheist , White/Caucasian , Straight , Stand up Comedian , Technical School , Lower class
Mesg ID: 8ba61be9-e6e5-45f6-bc8b-71e010380402
Category: Gender
Subject: Different Reasons
Reply: read original | add to Watch List | reply | request removal
Most women, of course, are attracted to good men, just like most men are attracted to good women. Heck, most people would rather spend time with someone who is kind and thoughtful than someone who is selfish and nasty.

But there are exceptions, and I can understand how they would stand out.

The women I know who are attracted to the "bad boys" go that direction for several different reasons.

Some find them "exciting." They like living on the edge, and this certainly qualifies.

Some think they can "save" the poor, misunderstood fellow. They believe that they're not really all that bad underneath, and they (the woman) will be the one who can uncover the good that's really in them.

The majority, though, are simply attracted to the men who are what they are used to; and, sadly, they are used to abuse.

I was once in that category. (No more, not for many years thankfully.)

People who give you the same signals you're familiar with are more predictable, and easier to deal with, than people who don't. If you're used to being abused, you know the signals to look out for; the "danger signs" that show you need to placate or avoid the abuser.

Since, if you've been raised with abuse, you can't really grasp the fact that it's not part of every human relationship, people who aren't at all abusive are somewhat scary. It seems like a paradox, but it's because you think that you can't see the danger signals, so how will you know what to do to be safe?

I was nearly 30 before I'd seen enough non-abusive relationships to realize that it wasn't people giving signals I couldn't read; it was people who weren't ever going to commence with the beatings. (Although, in my case, there was lots more non-physical abuse than physical. I wasn't beaten up more than once or twice a week. The mental/emotional abuse was constant.)

Happily, most women (like most men) outgrow all of these reasons, and start to look for people they can actually live with.

Robin W, Westland, MI, United States , 55 , Female , Wiccan , White/Caucasian , Lesbian , Author/Illustrator , 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID: 1fe76847-e435-4131-a081-c5e9d28e2ba8
Category: Gender
Subject: Prince charming is too risky
Reply: read original | add to Watch List | reply | request removal
Easy. When a girl dates a badboy it is obviously all on him. She is always the blameless victom who gets endless sympathy and always has some entertaining drama stewing so she can be the center of attention with her friends. If he dumps her or finds someone 'better', that's just the bum being the jerk he is, nothing on her.

Being with a nice guy who has his act togeather has deep risks. If there are problems there is a good chance he isn't causing them. There is no drama to passively be entertained by, she has to make an effort to be her best self and bring something to the table. If the girl is dumped by this guy that all her friends know is a real prince, then it is mostly on her not being good enough. If he finds someone better, she probably really is better and not just the bad boy's next toy.

The bad guy is less risky to insecure women.

Guy Guyerson, boise, ID, United States , 45 , Male , Christian , White/Caucasian , Straight , self employed construction , High School Diploma , Lower middle class
Mesg ID: a51bbe1c-b6a6-4e8f-82f4-935dab64c940
Category: Gender
Subject: Why do women "love" being treated like s
Reply: read original | add to Watch List | reply | request removal
I think this question applies to both gender. Some women are like ass---s. For some reason the abused men do not get out of of the relationship.
May be he do not know better that there are some good womens out there too.

sam cool, Lewisville, TX, United States
Mesg ID: 3d94c434-f913-4190-9783-ae34f637b04e
Category: Gender
Subject: many reasons
Reply: read original | add to Watch List | reply | request removal
some women have such low self-esteem that they think no man would ever want them, so when one does show interest, they'd rather take the abuse than be alone.

Some women think they can change the man, if only they show him how much they love him. And, as sick as it sounds, some women believe that jealousy and abuse prove that the man cares about them.

Mara D, Dallas, GA, United States , Female , Agnostic , White/Caucasian , Straight , data manager , 2 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID: d16241af-9c1d-4914-8287-105fe47b4a05
FAQ | Categories | Search | Post