General Diversity
Questions 41-50
Feel free to browse the following questions, some of which may
still await answers. You can then post an answer or counter an answer
that has already been posted. Please read the
guidelines for answering questions
before making a posting.
Previous 10 this topic
area 
Next 10 this topic area
THE
QUESTION:
GD50: I am 28 and still attending college. I plan to go to
graduate school. My question is to people who have waited until their
mid-thirties to start planning families: Have you experienced any
prejudices because you chose to wait? Were there any benefits and/or
regrets for waiting?
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
Karin, 28, female
<karin1212@hotmail.com>,
San Diego, Ca
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD49: To people of all classes and races: What do you think is
the real meaning of success in your life?
POSTED NOV. 21, 1998
Cynthia H.
<yukofujita@hotmail.com>,
San Francisco, CA
ANSWER 1:
I read this on a bumper sticker: "Success: The continual
realization of a worthwhile goal."
POSTED NOV. 28, 1998
Brian, 38, white
<Birchwood@mediaone.net>,
Chelmsford, MA
FURTHER NOTICE:
We know money does not bring success; there are a lot of
unhappy rich people. Success is not having a lot of women at your
call any time of the day; look at our President. Success is not
having our name in neon lights for all the world to see and admire,
for we know that too, will pass. Success is not being able to dunk a
basketball on whomever you want at a whim on the b-ball court, for a
strike can cancel that. Success is not being able to run the football
to the end zone or catch a pass with the greatest of ease, for we
know an injury can end your season. But I think that true success is
doing and being what God has called each and every one of us to do.
First, that is to accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and then
"seek ye first the kingdom of God and all his righteousness, and all
these other things will be added." Now that, to me, is a definition
of true success.
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Charles, black male
<clprice1@earthlink.net>,
VA
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD48: What do people of all backgrounds think of the U.S.
Constitution? Where would America be without it? Do you think it has
bettered our lives? In what ways (specifically) has the Constitution
helped better America? What are the positive reactions to these ways?
What could have happened if there were no Constitution? We are doing
a report in our Government class and would very much appreciate your
responses.
POSTED NOV. 13, 1998
Alkey H. and R. Hindbaugh,
<thealkey@hotmail.com>,
Pine Grove, CA
ANSWER 1:
The U.S. Constitution was written in a different time, by
men who undoubtedly had no idea what their infant nation would become
in little over two centuries. In my view, this document and its
"framers" have been given undue reverence. The constitution was
originally designed as the basic blueprint for a nation of white male
property owners, and it set forth legal guidelines that protected
their interests. As our nation strove (however reluctantly) to
distance itself from the inherent hypocrisy of these "Founding
Fathers" (who declared all men to be equal even as most of them built
their wealth from slave labor), and bring America closer to the
stated intentions of the Declaration of Independence, the
Constitution has, by necessity, undergone numerous revisions, and is
constantly subject to interpretation in our courts. My point is that
the Constitution serves as much a symbolic role as a functional one.
As our society has continued to evolve, the scales have been steadily
tipping toward the importance of the symbolic function.
POSTED NOV. 29, 1998
Sam, 30, male, brown American
<SamAlex67@aol.com>,
Chicago, Il
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD47: To people of any race, sexual orientation or background:
What are your fondest childhood memories of the holidays?
POSTED NOV. 12, 1998
Zawadi, black female, 33, Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
My fondest memories of the holidays? The smells. The odor
of food cooking in a relative's house; the fragrance of a fresh tree
decorated with ornaments; the gentle smell that comes from scented
candles; the new box smell that is released by a wide-eyed child
unwrapping a present; and, yes, even the cologne of the family's
favorite uncle who loves to play Santa Claus, spending his entire
time at the gathering passing out gifts to children. All these odors
and scents tell me the holidays are here, and I could never forget
them.
POSTEDN NOV. 13, 1998
Stephen S., 31, San Antonio, TX
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD46: I'm a single (never-married) straight white female, age
43. I would like people to comment on why never-marrieds like me are
often treated like social pariahs. Many divorcees seem to be able to
make social contacts via their children, but never-married women are
left out of the loop unless they are willing to limit social contacts
to spouse-hunting arenas. I'd just like a friend or two; I'm not
looking for a spouse.
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Marg H., Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
ANSWER 1:
Like attracts like. Even in a church setting, unless one
specifically makes it a point to approach someone outside their
social circle, families will gravitate toward families of
similar-aged children. Childless couples will tend to gravitate
toward childless couples, etc. That is not to say that boundaries
can't be crossed. I hope that those who read this question and my
response will become sensitized to reaching out. That's what it is
all about. Singles can offer to babysit children of couples, and
families can invite singles to join them in their activities. Not
every attempt to reach out will spark friendships. Just as a
fisherman knows, he can't catch fish unless he's willing to try.
POSTED NOV. 12, 1998
Ronald V., 45
<draugas@mailcity.com>,
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE:
Wow, your question really hit home for me. As a
24-year-old woman who has not caught "wedding fever" like most of my
contemporaries, I've really begun to feel the heavy pressure that
people put on you to enter into the typical "married with 2.5
children" lifestyle. Your question really scares me because I'd like
to believe that a person can lead a happy, fufilling life without
getting tied down to a family, but the fact is that couples hang out
with other couples, and after you've failed to "couple" long enough,
they forget about you. If I feel this way already (when I'm so early
in the mating game), I'm distraught to imagine how remiss I'll be in
20 years when people are still harping on me to find a husband or
have left me in the dust for my lack of one. It's a shame that living
single is still not considered a valid lifestyle in American society,
despite the fact that marriage is failing miserably as an institution
and lifestyle. It's interesting to me that while more than 50 percent
of marriages end in divorce, people still act like it's the only
valid way to live.
POSTED NOV. 16, 1998
D.M.M., 24, white, female
<donikam@hotmail.com>,
Charleston, SC
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD45: To smokers: Why does it seem that so many of you have no
problem littering streets, parking lots, sidewalks and most anywhere
with discarded cigarette butts? Do you not consider it littering, or
do you just not care? How is it different than throwing, say, gum
wrappers out everywhere?
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
kmatson
<kmatson@bellatlantic.net>,
Philadelphia, PA
ANSWER 1:
As a smoker, I can tell you that there are very few
establishments where you can smoke inside. In these places, however,
there are ashtrays, and smokers do put their butts in the trays.
There are also very few establishments that provide outdoor ashtrays,
so when a smoker - who has no choice but to smoke outside - partakes
of the habit, there is nowhere to extinguish the butt except on the
ground. Perhaps it is littering, but so is spitting out chewing gum
onto the sidewalk. And, I think it is very unsanitary to encounter
these discarded wads and get them stuck on my shoes, or to find them
with my knees on the undersides of restaurant tables.
POSTED NOV. 12, 1998
Stephen S., 31, smoker, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am a smoker and I never throw my butts out like litter.
I put them in an ashtray, coke can, my cig' package, my purse, my
pocket, etc., until I can throw them in the trash. People do not
consider that their environment is their life, so they have no
respect for it. It makes me sick to see all the butts at an
intersection or on the beach. I think this is the same as all other
trash, the only difference is that people smoke more often than chew
gum or whatever else, so there are more butts than other trash. These
people, like those who let their trash fly out of their truck beds,
have no respect for their environment or others or themselves. The
problem is that most people do not care enough to clean up after
themselves or others. We all take our environment for granted in some
way or another. We all need to do as much as possible to protect our
planet. Recycle, avoid Styrofoam, drive less or not at all, buy a car
with good gas mileage, etc. "Let he who is without sin cast the first
stone." But I agree with you, we all could to do better, including
myself.
POSTED NOV. 12, 1998
Sheila, 30
<hayes004@mailhost1.csusm.edu>,
Oceanside, CA
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD44: Do radical groups such as minority, feminist,
gay/lesbian and abortion groups do more to push themselves away from
others in society than to be understood and accepted by society?
POSTED NOV. 2, 1998
Colt Helmich
<helmi001@mailhost1.csusm.edu>,
San Marcos, CA
ANSWER 1:
I think "mainstream" society often is the one pushing us
away, or worse, pushes us into the "mainstream" by insisting we
abandon our culture, identity and beliefs. I find it strange you
would group minorities and gays, who gather together by our
characteristics, which began at birth, with feminists and abortion
rights people (who are not a minority since a majority of Americans
agree with them), since the latter are simply a group with a set of
opinions, not people readily identifiable unless you ask their
beliefs. But minorities, and I'm sure gays also, have had to group
together for self-defense, even survival at times. At the same time
we have struggled to make the "mainstream" cease its coercion against
us and accept us as we are. Today, in the past and I'm sure in the
future, you will find us - "the others" in your mind - in all walks
of life if you just look around.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am perplexed as to your stereotype of minority,
feminist, gay/lesbian and abortion groups as somehow being radical.
Radical groups can be found at both ends of the spectrum - radical
far left and radical far right. Radical groups at both ends have a
tendency to alienate many people, sometimes by their ideology, but
more often by their rhetoric or tactics. However, the vast majority
of people who identify as minority members, feminists, gay/lesbian or
pro-choice are fairly mainstream individuals already understood and
accepted by most of society. We are part of society. I do not have to
agree with a person's political or social stance, whether liberal or
conservative, to understand it or respect that person as a valued
member of society. Are you perhaps mistaking a specific radical group
as being representive of an entire category of people? Or perhaps you
are not differentiating sufficiently between "society's" acceptance
and your personal acceptance of such groups?
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
DykeOnByke, pro-choice lesbian feminist of minority faith
<DykeOnByke@aol.com>,
Southfield, MI
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD43: Why don't people have manners anymore? No one says
please or thank you, holds a door open, opens doors for others or
helps others. I open doors for people; why can't people be pleasant
anymore?
POSTED OCT. 29, 1998
Sheila, 30, female
<hayes004@mailhost1.csusm.edu>,
Oceanside, CA
ANSWER 1:
Believe it or not, there was a time when men were
cautioned not to hold a door open for a woman, under any
circumstances. This was considered "sexist." I never could understand
that, but I have noticed that such accusations and interpretations
have led to more and more people preferring to be less kind to
others. When kind behavior is labeled "racist," "sexist," etc., then
people are less inclined to be kind.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
John K., straight male, 25
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE:
Sheila, I feel the same way. When I take the time to hold
a door or do anything that would warrant a "thank you" and don't get
it, I say "You're Welcome" really loud. This forces most rude people
to realize they haven't responded properly. I then get a barely
audible "Thank you."
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
Janet W., 33, black female
<jbutler@commoncause.org>,
Capitol Heights, Md
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As people become more busy and as their lives become more
hectic, I've noticed they tend to let their manners slip. Perhaps
those you've noticed as not being pleasant are just too busy with
their own lives to remember their manners. I have been guilty of
letting my manners slip also, but I try to make up for it by
consciously extending politeness to as many strangers and
acquaintances as I can. I say "thank you" and "please" as much as
possible, and I think opening the door for anyone, male or female, is
the simplest act of politeness and manners that anyone can do. An
occasional "sir" or "ma'am" goes a long way, too.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
Stephen S., 31, male
<SAScheidt@aol.com>, San
Antonio, TX
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD42: I have noticed video games tend to be biased in the
sense that women or black people are given roles within the games
that mostly match their commonplace roles in society. Does anybody
else agree? Do you know of any study on this subject?
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Peggy G., 47,
<peggy.granata@granatapress.it>,
Milan, Italy
ANSWER 1:
I have worked in a retail video game store for nearly five
years, and I agree, although there has been no formal study of this.
The companies that make games get their ideas about gender and race
roles from other forms of media, such as television and movies. Also,
in general, women and black people make up a smaller percentage of
video game buyers, so you end up with a lot of white males
programming video games. As video games become more mainstream, you
will probably see some changes, but it will be a while until more
women and African Americans become video game programmers.
POSTED FEB. 16, 1999
C. Murdock
<murdockl@hotmail.com>,
Denver, CO
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD41: Does anyone think this site is yet another symptom of
the breakdown in society's connection? By that I mean the way we all
sit alone in our cars, get home, shut the door and feel like we've
been real sociable if we nodded at the guy next door washing his
car?
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Stephen H., white European male
<baronkgc@bigfoot.com>,
Pflugerville, TX
ANSWER 1:
I don't feel it is. If people keep in mind the original
goal of the forum, it can be a useful resource for healthy and
much-needed communication. True diversity means that freedom of
expression thrives and individual opinions, experiences and
perspectives are respected. I tend to try to be as non-judgmental as
possible here because I have a genuine desire to engage with those
who can challenge me. I value continual growth and development in my
life, and the Y Forum is an additional way to gain insight on issues
that all of us, on a day-to-day basis, face. Your question made me
think!
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Dee, black female
<westde@hiram.edu>,
Cleveland, OH
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think this forum allows us to understand one another a
little better, with a degree of anonymity. The editors keep the
material from being offensive and reword it in a more "factual" way.
Societal breakdown is not a phenomenon that is happening out there,
but is the decision of millions of people who decide not to
communicate with others. While some see this occurring, others see
and do what they can to communicate with others and forestall
societal breakdown.
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
A. Urban, 45
<draugas@mailcity.com>,
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think this site and the Internet in general, much like
both TV and the automobile do, both divide us in some ways and bring
us together in others. This site does allow people who are curious
but may not know where to find the information to find out about
people from other backgrounds. A person should be able to find out
these questions by asking someone they know from that background. But
apparently many people live in segregated places even today, judging
from this site. This site also allows insults to pose as questions
and often allows misinformation to pass for knowledge. It also has a
double standard when it comes to using "confrontational" language:
Non-whites are held to a far higher standard of behavior than whites.
If that were corrected, it would be better for all of us.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
This forum is a proactive response to the breakdown in
society, not a symptom of it. In other words, this isn't a sign of
disease, it is an attempt at the cure.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
D.F.B., single white female, 47, South Florida
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
To A.C.C.: The reason that people ask questions in the
forum rather than asking people directly has nothing to do with
segregated communities. Chances are, for example, that if a white
male asks a black female why she does a certain thing, the statement
will immediately be taken as racist, no matter how innocent the
inquiry may be. This forum allows people of all cultures to ask the
questions that they would not be able to safely ask. So far as the
"double standard" goes, I have often noted that the moderators reject
postings fairly equally. The only standard that they hold to is the
requirement that a post not be racist, sexist, etc. or full of false
information. If your posts are not getting onto the forum, you might
want to consider that requirement before you cry foul.
POSTED OCT. 30, 1998
John K., straight Irish-American male, 25
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
John, some questioners in this forum openly admit they
don't know anyone of the group they are asking about. Others mention
being curious after seeing something in the street or at work that
they don't know but would like to find out about. Apparently many
questions are asked because of segregation. I believe most of
the questions in this forum that are simply curious can be asked
without fear, as long as they are not harshly worded. I have never
had any problems asking these types of questions of my friends who
are white, black or Asian. I deeply resent your implication that I
must be a racist if I have had problems posting to this forum. I
challenge you to find anything in my posts that shows that. I believe
my problems here have been because of my strident anti-racism, though
to me the wording often seems innocuous. I urge you to discuss this
with me by private email as well as in this public forum.
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
A.C.C.: As I have mentioned in our private e-mail
exchange, I never said you were a racist. I said that the moderators
have criteria for what kind of posts they will allow, and that if
your responses did not get posted, then you should check your
responses against those criteria before you accuse people of a double
standard. I think there are more than enough examples on this forum
that can demonstrate its even-handed fairness. As you yourself say in
your response to me, your posts seem innocuous to you. The moderators
may not find those words so innocuous. I would point out that
strident anti-racism, if not carefully worded, can be interpreted as
racism in and of itself (if, for instance, one group is targeted for
all the blame for a problem that has several root causes). As for the
rest of your post, this forum would not exist if it were so easy to
simply ask someone of a different group about their experiences or
thoughts. I live in New Jersay and work in New York, and I can safely
say that even the most carefully worded question can offend, even
with a warning.
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
John K., straight Irish-American male, 25
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I find it disturbing, as evidenced by the posts, both
questions and answers, that we as a society know so little about each
other. I had a real eye-opener once while attending a class in
college. The instructor asked how many of us had friends, outside of
school, who were of a different ethnic background. I was the only one
out of 35 students. And we were the enlightened, educated segment of
society? Pretty sad. I agree with A.C.C. We very much lead segrated
lives. I think we have far bigger, pressing issues besides race and
socioeconomic concerns. At the rate we're destroying the planet, it
would be in our best interests to get beyond color and start acting
like we all need food, air and water. And is it astonishing to others
how many posts on the Y Forum are dedicated to race and far fewer to
general diversity? When do we factor in personal values/character?
Being black, educated, single, etc. does not fully explain a person's
perspective, nor does any one individual represent all that falls
within any particular category. Ideally, I'd like to share with you
my views and have them weighted more based on my values rather than
you (reader) assuming my perspective is based heavily on factors I
have no control over. Of course, these things (race, age, religion)
influence my views, but they do not shape them solely. This board is
a courageous effort that allows us to address diversity issues, but
on a deeper level an opportunity for people to reconnect and improve
our interspersonal skills. Many of us of are emotionally hungry for
real intimacy in our lives.
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Zawadi, black female, 33, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
John, I think your difficulty in asking people of other
backgrounds questions may be due to living in, yes, a more segregated
place. From what I've heard of New York and New Jersey, it's far less
integrated than where I live. San Antonians takes a great deal of
pride in having desegregated earlier than most places, being recently
named the best place in the United States for Latinos to live, etc. I
do believe this forum has great value, as does our private
discussion. But I have noticed, for example, that there are many
questions from whites that have anti-Semitic premises or are hostile
to immigrants, but there are almost none from blacks. Are we to
believe there is little black prejudice against these groups? Or is
there a double standard, even an unconscious one, to this forum? If
so, doesn't it partly defeat its own purpose and even unwittingly
promote what it is seeking to end? I would like the editors to answer
this question as well.
POSTED NOV. 12, 1998
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian
<bigi__@yahoo.com>, San
Antonio, TX
DIRECTOR'S RESPONSE: The process of selecting questions and
responses submitted to the Y? Forum is entirely subjective and
unscientific, though effort is made to ensure all parties from all
backgrounds are given fair access and treatment (click
here for more information). Y? does not
attempt to skew the postings one way or the other in regard to
demographic groups, though the director's human failings are improved
upon each time advice, praise and/or criticism is received. More
submittals of questions or answers from members of non-minority
groups are always encouraged and welcome.
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
To Zawadi: I couldn't agree more.
POSTED NOV. 16, 1998
Stephen S., 31, American male, San Antonio , TX
To
respond
BACK TO TOP