Gender Questions 11-20
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THE
QUESTION:
GE20: I'd like to know how guys of all ages feel when a female is
insecure about herself. Is a little insecurity good, or is it best if
a girl can be 100 percent self-confident about herself? Also, how
does it make you, as a male, feel when a female close to you talks
about her appearance negatively? Does it only point out what you have
not noticed in the past?
POSTED APRIL 24, 1998
Insecure Song, 18
<RuffRuff66@aol.com>,
Lawrenceville, GA
ANSWER 1:
It would have to depend on the nature and degree of
insecurity. I find myself annoyed with people who are
self-deprecating when fishing for compliments. Also, I tend to be
confused when people concentrate on a perceived flaw where none
exists. If the concern is genuine and perhaps warranted, I would make
every effort to help her overcome her insecurity however I could
POSTED MAY 7, 1998,
L., 22, Maine
FURTHER NOTICE:
I love it when a girl talks about her insecurity. It makes
her seem more human, and it also reassures me that she is willing to
be personal with me - that I am not just a friend, but her
boyfriend.
POSTED MAY 11, 1998
Uziel G.
<rnhaag@hotmail.com>,
Lenox Township, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I believe it's good to realize you are not perfect. But it
makes me mad when people feel so insecure that the insecurity is all
they talk about. People have to realize that they are who they are
and cannot change it, so they should get comfortable with the fact
that nobody is perfect. We can all only be who we are, no more, no
less.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
L.C., lord_chaos_1@hotmail.com, VT
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am the kind of person who surrounds himself with females
who are on the same level I'm on. I hate hard-to-get because it's not
worth it and I hate the treat-me-like-you-don't-deserve-me game
because that gets old fast. I would like a female who respects
herself and is assertive, but one that I know is mine. And if a woman
starts insulting herself, I will usually reassure her she is wrong ,
no matter what the situation.
POSTED OCT. 13, 1998
C. Smith, white male
<Chrizzmith@aol.com>,
Killeen, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE19: Why is it that violence and guns are more accepted on the
screen than naked women?
POSTED APRIL 24, 1998
Jennie, Sweden
<jennie.svensson@gislaved.mail.telia.com>
ANSWER 1:
It started in the Victorian era - the reign of Queen
Victoria of England. Prudishness was taken to extremes. Anything
suggestive of sex was forbidden. Books by male and female authors
weren't allowed to be next to each other on the shelf. Nudity? No
way. Even chairs had to have ruffles to hide their "limbs"
(absolutely not "legs" - too suggestive!) So, to give their
readers a thrill, after sex became unmentionable, writers filled
their work with blood, horror and violence.
America, which saw waves of immigrants arrive in this era, has
never quite shaken off Victorianism, and a large proportion of modern
films are made in America. At any rate, different countries have
different ideas on what levels of sex and/or violence are
acceptable.
POSTED APRIL 24, 1998
Colette
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>,
Seymour, WI
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE18: Why are most women unwilling to allow me to express any
opinion about "women's issues" in conversation? I am expected to
silently "listen and learn." Every time, I remain completely unheard
- literally shouted down before I have completed a sentence
fragment.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Tom H., white male, 36
<THAST2001@aol.com>,
Huntington, W.Va.
ANSWER 1:
The women you are talking to may assume you are
approaching the subject with the attitude of "all you dumb females
really need to straighten you out is a little good ol' male logic."
My advice is to keep your mouth shut until they feel you actually
care enough to listen to them and value their opinions; then, they
may be willing to listen to yours.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
Colette
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>,
Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I spent many years as the only man in a feminist
psychotherapy collective. Consensus decision-making, pooling of
finances, everything. It taught me a great deal. And that's what's
most important: It taught me. Most straight men (and even most gays)
don't know squat about women's issues. Of course, I don't know about
you, Tom, but if you're like a dismaying majority of men, you've got
lots of opinions, but you may never have read women's literature or
feminist theory, and you may, as Collette implies, never have really
listened to women talk about their experiences - experiences that you
have never had. When a poorly informed man starts talking about
women's issues, his ignorance screams out within the first four
words. His tone of voice alone is usually enough to ignite a riot in
female listeners. If you get this reaction, you can bet your words
are insensitive. If you really care about this subject, start by
asking, not telling. Ask about experiences, ask for books to read.
Learn first - then talk. It's humbling, but it's worth it.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Will H., 48, white, gay, Dallas
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Thank you for your answers. To clarify my question: I
agree with you Will that many men are not educated about women's
issues - I don't consider myself a scholar in the field, but this has
been a serious concern to me all my life, and my reading and personal
actions reflect this (for example by supporting my wife's career
ahead of my own). Colette's point is well taken, too. Perhaps I do
come off as insensitive; lack of trust might also play a part. Yet I
know that humbling feeling well, and don't think that ignorance or
unwillingness to listen are at issue in this case. I am truly baffled
and hurt at the unwillingness to be heard, which comes my way from my
wife and other close female friends who should know me better than
that by now.
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Tom, Huntington, WV
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
You seem to feel women are unwilling to listen to your
views on their issues. So stop voicing them. Begin voicing your views
on men's issues. You'll be surprised how intently you are
listened to. You may be ridiculed for being politically incorrect,
but you'll be listened to. That's been my experience. You will also
help accomplish what this site wants to achieve: "find out how and
why people are different from each other" - in this case how and why
men and women are "different."
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
Jerry B.
<jerryaboggs@juno.com>,
Livonia, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think most of us in disempowered groups feel we have
heard quite enough about what men think about women, straights think
about gays, whites think about people of color, rich think about
poor, etc. I feel most of what we hear is ignorant and negative. So
when a dominant-group member wants to voice an opinion on the
"others," the "others" know it's likely to be self-important
ignorance. Check to see if you don't have an expectation of being
listened to just because you are male. Now check again.
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
Max M., 44, gay male
<qteacher@pacbell.net>,
Oakland, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
You should expect your opinions to be heard simply because
you are a person engaged in a conversation with other persons. This
concept of "if you don't meet this criteria, you're not allowed to
have an opinion on that issue" is caustic to the concept of free
speech. You talking to women about women's issues may be analagous to
telling Mark McQuire your theory on hitting home runs, but to extend
the analogy, maybe the best way for him to teach you about hitting is
to first listen to your possibly ill-conceived notions and then
correct them. Besides, with the thought and energy you've evidently
put into trying to understand this, it sounds like you may have
something of value to offer. Continue to be respectful of their
positions but keep on trying to express yours. Hopefully they'll open
up to the dialogue; then you can both learn something.
POSTED NOV. 12, 1998
Mark, white male, Alexandria, VA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE17: What thought process does a woman go through when agreeing
to have sex with a partner?
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Kurt S., Sydney, Australia
ANSWER 1:
There are so many factors in this decision. For young
women, it is sadly often a question of "Will he continue to love
me/stay with me if I don't?" Many of my high-school friends lost
their virginity to high-pressure tactics, and I don't think any of
them remember the boy or the experience fondly. Older or more
self-confident women might be asking themselves, "Do I know him well
enough? Do I trust him? Do I like him enough to want this level of
intimacy? Does he turn me on? Am I happy with where our relationship
is going? Does he care about me?" Hopefully, all women are asking
themselves: "Is it safe? Am I as protected as possible?"
POSTED APRIL 26, 1998
A. Morgan, Houston
FURTHER NOTICE:
It depends on two or three things: 1) how much have I had
to drink, 2) what is the person's alleged sexual history and penis
size, and 3) what type of career the person is currently in and what
their career potential is. Women in my experience are as shallow as
men when they want sex.
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Deborah
<september273@hotmail.com>
Barrie, Ontario Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Each woman will go through a thought process based on her
own ideas and experience and situation. But for most people,
decisions about sex are affected by much more than a thought process.
There are various physical/emotional factors that can have a very
strong effect - it can be much harder to think when excited, sex is
more or less interesting at various points in your cycle, and even
having a good or bad day can affect this decision, just like any
other.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Muffy, 32, female
<muffy@fish.com>, San
Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Not much thought is given when I am out looking for sex.
My only thought is that he is clean of sexually transmitted diseases
and AIDS. Otherwise, when I am out looking for sex, I usually find it
fairly quickly, enjoy it and go forward. I do not look for any
emotional attachment, or if he can be trusted. When I am out looking
for sex, I am looking of the pleasure sex brings physically and
enjoying it with someone who is doing likewise. I don't look for
emotional attachment. Sex doesn't bond me to anyone. It's a physical
release - and mighty pleasureable at that.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Sher S., 52
<sherri.shepherd@reichhold.com>,
Raleigh, NC
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
"How good will he be?" "What can I do to make him feel
good?" "Will he be good enough for a second go?" "Will he think I'm a
slut?" "I'm glad that someone thinks I'm attractive." "Yeaaa!"
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Aris A., 21, white/Hispanic female
<Arissssss@aol.com>,
Alameda, Bay Area, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE16: To married women: How many times per week do you think is an
adequate frequency of sex?
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
T.M., Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
That depends on the woman. It also depends on how she is
feeling about her partner at the time. Personally, I am happy with
once or twice a week. When we are getting along really well and
turned on by each, other we can have sex several times a day. When we
are in a slump, it can be a month before we give in. I think anytime
she feels close to you and good about herself - you know, when she
can't keep her hands off you and laughs at your silly jokes, gives
you a lot of friendly eye contact - she might be available for sex
with you. It makes me feel sexy when I catch my husband looking at me
or sneaks me off to a passionate kiss. If she feels comfortable and
good about herself with , your wife should be responsive.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Married for 10 years, female
Dallas, Texas
FURTHER NOTICE:
I feel that two to three times a week is the way to
go.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Amy, Ann Arbor, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think at least once a week is good.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Jan M., Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
There is no "adequate number" set in stone. The frequency
with which my husband and I have sex depends on so many things: Time,
stress, schedule conflicts, arguments, etc. We have definitely
experienced problems, though - he always wants sex more than I do. So
we both have to give and take - sometimes I let myself be talked into
it, and sometimes he goes to sleep dissatisfied. We probably average
three times a week, which even I think is low. (I get stressed
easily.) If you're having problems, talk about it. And don't be
afraid to schedule time for sex - may seem silly but it'll be worth
it in the end. You might also broaden your definition of sex - would
it help if your wife helped you masturbate, for example?
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Ellie, married, 25, Washington, D.C.
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think three times a week is an adequate number, but when
I say this I am thinking of "adequate" as the minimum number of times
with which I would be pleased.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
K.S., 30, married female, Tennessee
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I would like to engage in sex at least three times a
month, which basically adds up to once a week for three weeks and one
week off. When I was younger, I enjoyed twice a week; I'm 49 and
holding!
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Margaret, Washington
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Before we had children, my husband and I had sex 5-10
times a week. Since we've had two kids, it all depends on when
they're awake and how tired I am. My poor husband has sex with me
only about once a week now. If we have or make time for ourselves, we
will do it as much as possible. I want to have a healthy sexual
realtionship with my husband, but sometimes it's physically not
possible.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Marie, 38, San Diego, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I feel once a week is good. When that one time happens,
it's good. It keeps the spark going. We have something to look
forward to and expect. Plus, we don't want to wear out sex,
especially if we are going to spend the rest of our lives
together.
POSTED AUG. 7, 1998
Phaedra G., Columbus, GA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE15: I've noticed that a significant number of men are resentful
and unhappy if their wives, girlfriends, etc., make more money than
they do. I know of one man who badgered his wife into trading her
nursing position for a lower-paying service job because he resented
her higher salary. How common is this trait among men? Don't they
recognize the benefits of two high-paying salaries?
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
Melody, 45, married white working female, Atlanta, Ga.
ANSWER 1:
My husband is quite happy with the fact that I make a
higher salary. It certainly makes our lives easier. I would guess
most men who are unhappy with it either feel less manly because they
can't support their families alone, or feel at a disadvantage because
the balance of power is different. Or both.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
A. Morgan, Houston
FURTHER NOTICE:
Men have trouble accepting partners who earn more money
than them because men have always been known as the traditional
"bread-winners" in the family. Even though our society may preach
that it doesn't matter which partner earns more, it is inevitable
that other men with relations to the man who earns less than his wife
will take notice. Even if on an unconscious level, I feel the
treatment that the man may then receive from his fellow men could be
tainted by the fact that he earns less than his wife. After all, if
the man doesn't even rule in his own home, how could he ever presume
to overcome another man? Though some of this logic on the part of my
gender may seem flawed, it is very hard for men to overcome the fact
that their wife makes more money and still retain a sense of being
the dominant partner, as the trait of masculinity is supposed to
entail.
POSTED NOV. 13, 1998
Michael B., 18, male, IL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Roles aren't defined the way they once were. My wife earns
more than I do, but so what? I have no problem with it, and she has
no problem with it. The old traditional ways are long gone. Men who
fret about being the primary breadwinners are the same guys who think
doing the wash, cleaning and food shopping is still woman's work.
POSTED NOV. 16, 1998
Mike, 31, white male, Royal Oak, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
My wife makes more money than me, and I don't care. What
makes me mad is that because she makes more money, all of a sudden
it's assumed I don't work hard. I'm a corrections officer and she is
a teacher. I would like to know how common it is for women to
belittle their men when they are the breadwinners. That's what men
get upset about, not the dollar amount. It all spends the same!
Anyone else want my job dealing with society's rejects and under the
constant threat of bodily harm?
POSTED NOV. 16, 1998
Scott C., white male, 28, married
<smcolson@key-net.net>,
Mt. Jewett, PA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE14: Another question for girls 14 to 16: Why is it that some
girls insist on wearing a pants outfit? I thought most girls desired
to show their femininity and wear skirts.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Uziel G.
<rnhaag@hotmail.com>,
Richmond, MI
ANSWER 1:
Although I am no longer in the age group, I am not much
older. For me, I choose to wear pants a great percentage of the time
because it is more comfortable. Also, as silly as it may sound, it
has a lot to do with shoes. If I am wearing a dress, heels or pumps
would be the appropriate shoes. I loathe even the thought of walking
around in those sort of shoes, which also goes back to the comfort
factor. If I didn't look like a complete moron in a dress and
sneakers, I would be more inclined to wear one.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Tracy R., 20
<H0LE@aol.com>
Flint, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I too am a little older than the ages specified, but
having been that age not too long ago, I know that wearing skirts was
reserved for parties, dances or other special occasions. At 14, I
wasn't really concerned with looking sexy, and even today, I know
that I can wear pants and still look very appealing. Even now, I
generally wear pants unless I want to dress up for a certain
occasion. Another point about why girls of that age may not wear
skirts might be the fact that they are more active. Skirts reduce the
ability and make it uncomfortable to run or even walk long
distances.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
Tracey, 22
<shelbytv@ameritech.net>,
Shelby Township, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Girls of any age generally prefer pants outfits to skirts
or dresses for the sole reason that skirts and dresses are not
designed to allowed freedom of movement. Females lead quite active
lives nowadays, and being unable to run, climb stairs two at a time
or even just to sit with our legs apart is completely
impractical.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
J.F., 18, female, Mason, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I prefer to wear feminine pant suits. I love the way they
look. I think when a woman decides to wear a dress or suit, it has to
do with what she as an individual finds attactive and what she think
looks good on her body.
POSTED MAY 14, 1998
M. Steward, 18, female
<yngmom18@aol.com>,
Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I'm no longer in that age group, but when I was a teen, I
preferred pants because I felt that if I were to wear a dress or
skirt, my makeup and hair had to be perfect, and there wasn't always
the time or desire to make sure of that. It still is the case with
me. If I wear a dress, I do it up right. I feel more comfortable if
my makeup isn't just right and hair is pulled back in pants.
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
Laura, 33, vegimite@hotmail.com, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To the woman who said skirts are more restrictive: I find
that odd. Not long ago, I had the occasion to wear a kilt, which is
essentially a skirt when you get right down to it. I thought it was
rather liberating! Not that I am going to run around in a skirt from
now on, but I commented to my wife at the time about how nice it was
to have a little room to "breathe," if you will. Granted, the piping
is a bit different, but I should think that a skirt would be more
comfortable. Certainly that is the impression I have gotten and would
have assumed.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
John K., 24, straight white male
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
We wear pants because they are way more comfortable than
itty-bitty skirts or dresses. Plus, whenever I go to school in a
skirt, I always get busted for it being too short, even though it
usually isn't. So I'd rather wear pants for the comfort and to stay
out of trouble.
POSTED AUG. 7, 1998
Kristina, 14, white female, Houston, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE13: Why is it that men seem to have a tendency to take advantage
of a woman's nurturing and affectionate nature?
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
C.H.
<Wisdom47@aol.com>
Dallas, TX
ANSWER 1:
I don't feel men necessarily take advantage. I think we
all suffer from the misfortune of meeting the opposite sex at
vulnerable moments. To claim "men take advantage of women's tender
moments" stereotypes all men.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Perry, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
The short answer is the competitive male instinct and peer
pressure. Men have a tendency to look out rather than in and put
their goals and energy into doing things rather than strengthening
bridges to the people who care for them. In exceedingly driven males,
there might even be a belief it is their right to receive with no
obligation to give back. We feel measured by our external success
rather than by emotional equilibrium. I had to survive a serious
two-year depression at 25 to be able to understand family was the
most important thing for me. I was lucky to experience losing it all
when I was still single. But you constantly have to fight the feeling
of being left behind in the race to succeed as you make decisions in
favor of your loved ones and away from money and external success.
And the media reinforces the stereotype of the selfish, cool dude
with all the toys as the ideal of the successful male.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
J.P. Paz-Soldan
<bbv-jp@blockbuster.com.pe>
Lima, Peru
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The question seems to assume that women have a built in
superiority (men are un-nurturing? Uncaring?) There may be
physiological differences between men and women that affect social
relationships, but can't it be put in a more value-neutral way? Also,
I find the question slightly demeaning to women. It seems to assume
that women are somehow victims of their female (nurturing?) nature.
Women choose the relationships they are in and the people they choose
to nurture (and be nurtured by). I assume women are perfectly capable
of being responsible for the quality of those relationships. A mirror
question might be "Why do women take advantage of men's natural drive
to get things done?" I don't like that question, either.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Joseph, 35
<shaules@rikkyo.ac.jp>
Tokyo, Japan
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE12: If a woman refuses to have sex with a man because he has not
provided a condom, is she considered a "tease"? Shouldn't she expect
him to have one?
POSTED APRIL 4, 1998
Apryl P. black
<apryl@mail-me.com>
Oak Park, MI
ANSWER 1:
No woman should feel obligated to have sex with a man
under any circumstances. However, she should also say what she means
and mean what she says. If, before the kissing and petting, etc.,
start, she insists on the condom, she is being smart and responsible.
If she waits until just before the moment of no return and then says
she wants a condom, she is still being responsible and has every
right of course to say "forget it, buster," but the guy will
understandably feel he was teased.
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
Bob, 23, single, white, Greenwich, CT
FURTHER NOTICE:
Yes! By all means she should insist. It's her health at stake,
and she has every right to insist is safe. If a man won't use one,
get rid of him. It's that simple. No exceptions. Whether he is
infected or not, it shows a frightening lack of consideration for the
woman. It's so sad that women are still afraid to be assertive about
this. There was a case in New York last year in which a man with AIDS
knowingly slept with a bunch of young girls, and no condoms were
used. Do you think this guy will care when these girls get sick? Only
you can protect yourself!
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
Kelly, female, 28, Seattle, WA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Apryl, why do you assume it is the man's responsibility to
provide the condom? A woman is responsible for, and perfectly capable
of, providing her own protection. I am sure real men will not
consider a woman a slut, or too forward, if she provides, and insists
the man wear, a condom. It is a dangerous, erroneous assumption that
a man will automaticallly have a condom with him. If you are mature
enough to consider having sex with a man, be mature enough to make
sure that descision won't become something that could kill you.
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
Kristen, 25, female, Ann Arbor, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
To Bob of Greenwich: Although I understand your feelings of
frustration over being put off when that happens, I want you to
understand that the woman will be feeling sexually frustrated, too.
She might really have wanted some intimacy with you and even be
feeling guilty over having to stop things and be afraid you will be
angry. The truth is, one of the differences between men and women is
that women don't necessarily relate what men consider foreplay to
sex. Women enjoy snuggling, kissing and holding each other, which
doesn't have to end up with sex to be enjoyable. Most men's point of
view is that if you're not going to get anything out of it, there's
no point. Consequently, she may just be enjoying the human contact
and your companionship and may honestly not really think about it
until the moment arrives. Also, why does the woman have to bear
complete responsiblity for sexual safety? Why don't men broach the
subject first sometimes? It would probably relieve a great deal of
those first-time jitters when you are with someone new.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
S.C., 26, white female, Cordova, TN
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
GE11: For girls age 14 to 16: Do they prefer a guy to slowly get
closer, or to "sweep them off their feet"?
POSTED APRIL 3, 1998
Ryan H., 16
<rnhaag@hotmail.com>,
Richmond, MI
ANSWER 1:
It really depends. If the guy is cute, take it as it
comes. If the guy is hot - sweep me off my feet!
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Cyn, white female, 15, Memphis, TN
FURTHER NOTICE:
It's better for the guy to go slowly so that you get a
chance to know him; it's not whether he's hot or not. If someone is
swept off their feet, they may rush into a committment that the other
person is not ready for. Take it slow!
POSTED AUG. 7, 1998
Kristina and Cherie, white females, 14 and 15, Houston, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
In my opinion, it's so much more attractive when a guy
takes things slowly. Get a chance to know the girl first and become a
friend. Otherwise, you may run into trouble. You may go after the
girl too quickly, and if that doesn't work out perfectly, things will
definitely end tragically. There's nothing wrong with winning a
girl's trust first. In fact, that will make the relationship
stronger. As for "sweeping the girl off her feet," don't assume you
can't do that if you do things slowly. If you become her best friend
first, you might assume that she will anticipate your every move. In
reality, you can still surprise her constantly. I would suggest you
take your time.
POSTED DEC. 9, 1998
J.R., 16, female, Los Angeles , CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am a little older than the bracket you were inquiring
but feel it necessary to give my opinion. I do not agree with Answer
1. It shouldn't matter how "hot" the guy is. What should matter is
the connection between the guy and the girl. Everyone is different.
People take things at their own pace. If you are in a relationship
with someone, it is usually because you share personality traits and
attitudes. If you are with someone, you should be comfortable enough
to either instinctively know the pace at which you should go or to
not be afraid to ask about the feelings of your partner. This goes
for guys and girls alike. The cuteness factor has had no influence on
the pace I set for myself, and to let that play a part is
derogatory.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Krystal, 18, female
<rubytuesday_2@hotmail.com>,
SC
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