Gender Questions
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THE
QUESTION:
GE120: Why do most men prefer to stand in the restroom? I have
spoken to "sitters" and gotten logical reasons, but "pointers" don't
seem to have cogent rebuttals. Is it societal? Men, what do you
prefer, and why?
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Aris A., 21, female
<Arissssss@AOL.com>,
Alameda, Bay Area, CA
ANSWER 1:
The simple answer boils down to the "hassle factor" -
sitting down to urinate requires going into a stall, locking the
door, preparing the seat (cleaning/paper), pulling down the pants,
doing the deed, then tucking the shirt back in, etc. With the urinal,
a guy only incurs maybe 10 to 15 seconds of overhead. I think there
are much more interesting questions that many women don't even know
about. For example: Why do 99 percent of men spit into the urinal as
they use it? And why are urinals seemingly designed for maximum
"backsplash"? (Using a urinal while wearing shorts can be pretty
gross; finding the "sweet spot" that doesn't spray back is an
art.)
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Jeff E., 38 white male, Redondo Beach , CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I prefer to use a stall when I need to urinate in public.
It's a privacy thing for me. I've used urinals a handful of times in
my life and found them disgusting. Besides, I don't have a urinal at
home, so why use one in public restrooms? One thing I can add is that
at Tiger Stadium in Detroit, they have no individual urinals, only a
trough. Makes one feel like one is in a herd of animals.
POSTED FEB. 15, 1999
Pat, male
<hawkstu@juno.com>,
Wixom, MI
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THE QUESTION:
GE119: Why do some men find breast implants so sexy? Many of
the actresses on TV have malformed breasts that look like half of a
basketball stuck to their chests. The natural slope of the breast is
gone. Is it just visual? I would think while fondling the breasts,
the thought of sacks of water and/or silicone would be a
turn-off.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Christine, female
<QuackedUp1@aol.com>,
Ca
ANSWER 1:
Big breasts are beautiful. Of course, the "bigger is
better" mentality can be somewhat ridiculous. A general rule of thumb
is that if the breasts pass the navel, it is no longer attractive.
There are also good and bad breast jobs. Ones that look unnatural and
show surgical scars are obviously unattractive. But you get what you
pay for. Some breast jobs are well-done and endow women with a
voluptuousness that they were lacking. Some women look boyish and
unattractive with overly small breasts, and a breast job is a good
way to improve not only their appearance, but their self-image as
well.
POSTED FEB. 15, 1999
Balzack, 22, male
<bongo@cats.ucsc.edu>,
Santa Barbara , CA
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THE QUESTION:
GE118: I live with my boyfriend. How do I approach the
obsessive and possessive girls who continue to call and drive by our
home?
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
22, white female
<Beekyboo@Aol.com>, San
Juan Capistrano, CA
ANSWER 1:
I have never seen a situation in which lots of women
pursue a man who is obviously committed to another woman - unless
that man isn't committed. Please ask yourself why this is your
problem and not his. I think he's probably enjoying the attention and
maybe even your jealousy. Wouldn't it be better to share an apartment
with another girl, live alone or live with relatives until you found
a man you wanted to spend your life with? He would be someone who was
devoted to you and didn't engage in games of encouraging strange
girls to show their affections.
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
Anne, 38, white female
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THE QUESTION:
GE117: I don't understand why women size each other up in
terms of their looks - whether it's about their physical attributes
or dress style. Why do women do this?
POSTED FEB. 9, 1999
George O., male <g
oboza@aol.com>, San Diego , CA
ANSWER 1:
Women must biologically compete with one another to land
the most desirable males. I try to avoid sizing other women up based
on their physical appearance, but I know exactly what you mean. I
don't spend too much time on my physical appearance, but I'm a model
and happen to be tall and slender, with fine bone structure. I
consider it the luck of the draw; it has nothing to do with who I
really am. However, I often encounter women who act catty with me
upon meeting me. I think it's a matter of jealousy and
insecurity.
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
S.R., white female, 20, Austin , TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
Most women size other women up in terms of physical
appearance because that's the way most men size women up. Everybody
wants to be attractive. Most women see men on many different levels -
physical, emotional, mental. Most men (initially at least) see women
on one level - physical. I guess if you are going to size women up
that way, so are we.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
D., 34, white female, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
S.R. says she doesn't have to size up other women's
appearance or "spend too much time on (her) physical appearance."
That's like Donald Trump saying he doesn't worry about money much. If
you naturally have what society considers an attractive appearance
it's really easy not to worry much about appearance. I spent 20 years
yo-yo dieting to try and achieve what society says is attractive, but
I couldn't do it. I can understand the jealousy women feel toward
attractive women. I feel it myself. But it's not just jealousy
because of appearance, it's jealously because of how people are
treated due to their appearance. Try being size 24 and you'll find
out how much appearance matters, and how differently women are
treated because of their size (big or slender) and appearance. Women
size up each others' appearance because women are judged more on
their appearance.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Jenny H., 33, white fat girl, Wellington, New Zealand
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Women are trained/raised from day one to believe that
physical appearance is everything. Look at the images and toys little
girls get to play with. Take an easy target such as Barbie dolls.
Even the newer "working" series of Barbie has an impossible figure,
perfect wardrobe, permanent makeup, wears a miniskirt and has long
blond hair past her butt. Women are taught that their only worth is
through looking good and catching a good husband. Even S.R. above
felt it necessary to describe her physical attributes.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Woman, 27, white
<OneWanda@hotmail.com>
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THE QUESTION:
GE116: To men: When you see women wearing tight-fitting bell
bottom jeans, shoes that add a foot to their height and lip liner
that doesn't match the lipstick, does that turn you on? Do you like
that '70s style? What fashion style gets guys going these days?
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Sid <skillam@funtv.com
>, Escondido, CA
ANSWER 1:
The non-matching lip liner has to go, but all the other
stuff looks good on females as long as they can do it justice. If a
female is truly beautiful, she will look good in everything - but I'm
still a huge fan of mini-skirts.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
G. Brady, San Diego, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
That look does not really do much for me, since the people
I know who dress that way are mostly drug addicts, and that really
turns me off. Being a native of New Jersey, however, there are
certain looks that I find attractive. One is the current New York
trend for women's fashion, which tends to be black and gray clothing,
as ni a form-fitting black dress jacket over a white dress blouse, a
relatively short black (or gray) skirt, black stockings and usually
black shoes with a heel (or even better, those half-calf black
leather boots that women love to wear up here). It sounds boring, but
it looks great. The next best thing is a mixture of Italian and
Hispanic fashions. By that I mean hair that is generally more than
one color (usually brown, red or black) in a natural mixture, a
brownish lip color... The clothes vary depending on the ethnic group.
People in New Jersey and New York will know what I mean instantly. I
cannot think of a public example offhand. The local term is
"guidette," which can be favorable or insulting depending on the
attitude of the speaker.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
John K., 25
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford , NJ
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THE QUESTION:
GE115: My question is for men and women: We all know that many
men enjoy the visual pleasure of looking at women. But who actually
enjoys this more - the man looking at the woman, or the woman who
knows the man is eyeing her? In what circumstances would the answer
vary?
POSTED FEB. 5, 1999
Whip, 22, Vista, CA
ANSWER 1:
When I'm feeling good, I often like being watched.
Sometimes I'm too stressed and busy, and I don't want to deal with
it. And while I usually enjoy simple admiration if I'm in the mood
for anything, I don't always like guys who spend a lot of time trying
to get my attention, I don't like it if guys are being too
aggressive, and anyone who starts following me around completely
creeps me out.
POSTED FEB. 9, 1999
Catherine H. 25, bisexual white female
<tylik@eskimo.com>,
Woodinville , WA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I would say it is the man who enjoys looking the most,
because women will usually look away. My theory is that men are more
comfortable when relating with strangers.
Chris, male, 22
<alphacentuari@mindspring.com>,
Arlington, TX
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THE QUESTION:
GE114: My teenage daughter wants to know: If a married man's
illicit lover is called a "mistress," what is a married woman's
illicit lover called? A "misters"? Where and when did the term
"mistress" originate?
POSTED FEB. 1, 1999
Julie F. experienced mommy
<farel@worldnet.att.net>,
NJ
ANSWER 1:
"Mistress" as a title can refer to just about any woman.
According to Funk & Wagnalls New Comprehensive International
Dictionary of the English Language, the contractions "Mrs." and
"Ms." are shortened forms of "mistress." The definition of mistress
then has four entries (paraphrased here): A woman in authority; a
woman who fills the place of a wife, or a sweetheart; a woman who is
well-skilled at anything; and a married woman in Scotland. The term
comes from the old French word "maistresse," the feminine form of the
word that means "master."
As you can see, the word can mean other things besides an illicit
lover, and just about any woman can fit into the definition of a
mistress according to Funk & Wagnalls. And, I suppose you could
call a married woman's illicit lover a "mister," simply because all
men are called misters. I can only guess that we know the term
"mistress" primarily to mean a lover because we so often associate
the word "wife" to mean a spouse.
POSTED FEB. 5, 1999
Stephen S., 31, married male, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
The male equivalent is "gigolo." Mistress is a courtesy
title, as in concertmistress for the first violinist if a woman. It's
a more polite term than various slang words that could be used for
the woman in an adulterous affair.
POSTED FEB. 5, 1999
B. Hale, paragon of marital fidelity
<halehart@aol.com>,
Hartford , CT
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THE QUESTION:
GE113: Is it true that "once a cheat, always a cheat"? Also,
why do some men cheat?
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
Monika, 20, mixed, female, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
GE112: Why are women ambiguous about being in a relationship?
I've met a lot who will make only oblique references to a "friend"
- until I ask them out. Is this a Southern thing, or do women
all over do this?
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
Craig, male, Knoxville , TN
ANSWER 1:
I completely understand what you are talking about because
I have done it myself. There have been many reasons for me to do it.
It may have been because I wanted to let someone down gently, or that
I did not know the status of the ambiguous relationship I was in. The
main reason I have done it is that I wanted to keep the second man's
interest. If a woman has a boyfriend she is dedicated to, she will
say she is taken without hesitation. If the relationship is not
stable, or she has wandering eyes, she will usually be ambiguous to
see if the other party is interested.
POSTED JAN. 28, 1999
Leah, 27, female, Erie, PA
FURTHER NOTICE:
They are either keeping their options open or don't want
to appear too available.
POSTED JAN. 28, 1999
S.R., white female, 20, Austin , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a Texas boy who's been in similar situations myself,
let me be the bearer of bad news: Most of them probably aren't
interested in going out with you and are simply telling you the
boyfriend thing to squirm out of a potentially difficult situation. I
know for a fact that women have told me that to keep me at arm's
length, and I'd guess that's what's happening to you, too. As far as
I know it's not particularly Southern, but female. Just keep pluggin'
away and you will meet someone who makes you her boyfriend. It
happened for me, so it can happen for anyone.
POSTED JAN. 28, 1999
James W.
<jwilker@ptd.net>, male,
Allentown , PA
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THE QUESTION:
GE111: How can men (or women, but usually men) suddenly stop
loving someone after many years and then need "space" or "time," or
say "We're not right for each other" or "I'm young, I want to be with
my friends"?
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Jen C., 21, white, female, student
<dream_hot@hotmail.com>,
Philadelphia , PA
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