Occupation
Questions 1-10
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THE
QUESTION:
O10: Why do car salespeople put the automobile's hood up in
the lot?
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
iwonder, Virginia Beach, VA
ANSWER 1:
The engine gets you there, not everything else about the
vehicle. Would you rather they not let you look at the engine?
POSTED AUG. 27, 1998
John L.
<dr.green@mindspring.com>,
Montgomery, AL
FURTHER NOTICE:
So they can draw attention to the car lot and create a "we
have nothing to hide" appearance.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
28, white male
<sassarat@yahoo.com>,
Beverly Hills, FL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
O9: Why do managers often think that union people are
basically lazy and need constant supervision?
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Knight, 40, Riverside, CA
ANSWER 1:
Managers have no one to protect their jobs and therefore
must produce to either keep their job or get a raise. Union members,
in general, have to do the bare minimum to keep their job and get a
raise.I feel unions should be limited to work conditions as an area
of influence. Wages climb and production declines in a union shop.
History will verify this. A business is not allowed to reward a
producer over a non-producer with more seniority in a union shop.
Hence, production and quality suffer. Businesses go out of business
because of pressures from unions in the areas of wages and
production.
POSTED JUNE 23, 1998
Michael
<beale@worldnet.att.net>,
San Diego, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
As a journalist I have covered union topics, including
strikes and contract negotiations. In the process I have interviewed
both union and management. Many managers feel jealous, I think, that
hourly employees get overtime when they do not. Many managers also
feel the strict observance of 10-minute breaks and clock-out times
are unproductive. Basically, they want workers to be as productive as
possible, and if that means going back to 18th century coal mine
conditions, they really wouldn't mind. When you work for someone
else, you are, in a sense, an investment. This is not unlike a
machine. You would get frustrated if your lawn mower wanted a break
every half-day, and managers aren't much different in the way they
view workers.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Journalist, 22, white male, Miami County, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I feel this is because unions are often perceived as
refuges for the lazy and stupid. The incompetent can get a lot
further with a union than they can without, because unions tend to
rely on seniority. So a lazy and stupid person can sit on their duff
for 40 years and get raises merely by enduring. I've long believed
unions should be ad hoc, temporary structures designed to solve a
problem, and once it's solved, to disband until needed again. Many of
our unions have outlived their usefulness.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Moe N.
<moe@jerrynet.com>, St.
Louis, MO
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I have worked as a union member and later as a manager. It
was never my opinion as a manager that union employees were lazy and
needed constant supervision. What I did find was that the unions
brought in the age of the "specialist." Jobs were very narrowly
defined, and members were not allowed to do anything except as stated
in their job description, even when there was little or no work for
them to perform. I have seen several employees hanging around waiting
for a "specialist" to come to start a machine, even when most of the
people waiting could have accomplished this. The reason for this is
to protect the job of the specialist, but I believe this practice is
one of the causes of present-day "downsizing."
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
R. Jones, 72, Hudson Falls, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I've been a union member and now am in management. I
believe this is a view held more by labor than management. Unions can
be adversarial. Unions generally perpetuate an "us against them"
attitude by portraying management as tyrants out to take advantage of
the workers. But it is in management's best interest to keep
employees motivated in a positive way, and to ensure those employees
are working for and with qualified individuals. Unfortunately, under
the terms of most union contracts, it is virtually impossible to
terminate the employment of a lazy individual. The result is an
unmotivated staff that goes through the motions while on the job.
Intentional or not, unions protect the worst employees. Subsequently,
good employees have to carry the load of the slackers. Nothing is
more demoralizing than knowing you are a better employee than the
next guy, but under contract terms will get the same raise. Union
employees get raises and benefits not because they earned them but
because the contract dictates it. Unionization breeds mediocrity. An
individual should take pride in and be responsible for his own
efforts.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
White male, 39, Parkersburg, WV
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Perhaps it is resentment. I work for a firm that consults
to the manufacturing industry in Michigan and am very familiar with
the work habits of the United Auto Workers. The labor contracts they
work under provide so much protection that it is nearly impossible to
get fired, regardless of how little one works. I have spent a lot of
time at the GM plant that is currently on strike in Flint and can
tell you that if I had the same work habits as the line workers at
this plant, I would be fired. The plant has been identified as GM's
least efficient, and I have been told that management considers it a
victory if the workers get in two hours of actual work per shift. No
wonder cars cost so much.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
Male, management, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I agree with several of the respondants that nowadays
unions have limited benefit. I believe they were necessary in the
early days of industrialization, when working conditions were very
poor. Now, though, I think unions are more about power than about
their members' best interests. I have never belonged to a union, so
I'm sure my opinion is biased, but I have never had a positive
experience interacting with a unionized worker. Several times while
trying to do my job, I've been actively thwarted by union workers at
a job site or building. I had every right to be there and do the job
for which I was being paid, but the union workers wanted no scabs
anywhere. The way I see it, the terms of my job are simple: Do a good
job and you'll keep your job and advance. Do a poor job and you'll be
out on the street. However, I have no guarantee I'll have a job
tomorrow. The best thing I can do to have a job tomorrow is to do the
best job I can today.
Also, the main focus of any company or industry is to make money.
A lot of the union workers I've talked to seem to feel the reason for
any company existing is to provide safe, secure jobs. There are many
unfair companies out there, but nobody said life is fair. If a worker
does not agree with how much overtime he or she is forced to work, or
who the company gets its parts from, the worker is free to leave and
seek employment elsewhere. I'm sure many union workers are very
hardworking and do their best everyday. They, too, should be upset
when lower-quality performance is rewarded equally.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
S.M., 31, male, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I disagree with your opinion of union workers. I'm sure
some unions take in unskilled workers, and it's supervision's
responsibility to weed out unproductive workers. I am a member of the
International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers. Believe me, it's no
picnic. As an apprentice, I have to endure five years of rigorous
classroom training, including high-level math classes, learn the
electrical building code, and also study and review every kind of
work and situation I may have to encounter in the trade. The
8,000-hour internship is also part of the passing requirement. I've
been on jobs where workers have become complacent, and they are the
first ones to get laid-off when it gets a little slow, and yes, they
can be fired. We are highly trained and skilled, and we are the elite
because we know our job and get it done as quickly and efficiently as
possible. Ever seen someone work who was guessing about what they
were supposed to do? We get paid more, but we deserve it. It usually
costs the contractors less in labor and insurance to have skilled
workers.
POSTED FEB. 2, 1999
Cyd E. 34, member IBEW Local 11, Los Angeles, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
O8: Has anyone found a polite way to say no to a telemarketer
when he or she calls and tries to sell you something? It seems to me
that, for the most part, you have to be rude to make the person
understand you are not interested in the product or service.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Ed, 30, male, Anaheim, CA
ANSWER 1:
I believe the best way to tell a telemarketer you are not
interested is to do just that. Tell them no thank you, you are not
interested, and if they won't stop, simply hang up. I do not consider
this rude because you told them you did not want it in a nice way,
and they wouldn't listen.
M.P. <Barbiq13@aol.com>,
Harlem, GA
FURTHER NOTICE:
The best cure I've found is an answering machine. I have
yet to have one leave a message.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Ed H.,
<EdHam0132@aol.com>,
Silver Springs, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have been a telemarketer. Usually the people who work at
these places are high school kids, college students or older people.
They work there because the pay is better. The pay is high because it
is a hard job and most people hate us. Just say you are not
interested, take me off the list and be nice about it. They are used
to it.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Hilary W., 20, student
<hwisler@eagle.cc.ukans.edu>,
Lawrence, KS
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I see it as a sort of bargain. By "interrupting" at the
very beginning of the phone call and saying, "Thank you, but I'm just
not interested," you are saving the telemarketer the time and trouble
of reading their piece. Of course, that isn't to say that I'm
successful every time.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Justin G., Philadelphia, PA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Your telephone is an instrument for your convenience. It
is for use when you please, not for telemarketers' use. After all,
who pays the bill? Inform the telemarketer that you are sufficiently
intelligent to initiate the purchase of any item without their
assistance, if you wanted such an item. Any argument on this position
is an insult to your intelligence. Hang up.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Working Female, 58
<detached30@hotmail.com>,
Sacramento, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
First, remember their name, and use it. This is not only
polite, but effective. Then, put your refusal in terms they can
relate to: "Joyce, I know time is money for you, and I really have no
interest in (whatever). I think you'd be more likely to have success
talking to someone else." Finally, if they don't accept the polite
refusal, just say, "I'm sorry, goodbye" and hang up.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Paul D., <duer@sna.com>,
Sacramento, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Be firm. It's your phone, your time. Hang up if they
insist on being so rude as to harangue you after you have expressed
disinterest. And don't feel guilty. You can bet they don't feel bad
about invading your home. There is also a law (sorry, can't cite it)
that once a telemarketing firm has been told not to bother you and
persists, they can be fined big bucks. Perhaps someone more
knowledgeable can educate us about it.
POSTED AUG. 7, 1998
Mary, NC
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I always pretend I did not hear their name and politely
say: "Excuse me, I could't hear your name. What was your name again?"
This interrupts their pre-written speech as they repeat their name.
At that point, I say their name again and indicate politely that I
never do business with anyone who calls unsolicited. Then I say "Have
a nice day" and "Goodbye."
POSTED AUG. 17, 1998
Burse G.
<spicybyte@aol.com>,
North Hills, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I don't say anything when a telemarketer calls. I used to
try to politely hang up, but I decided I didn't want to spend the
energy. Now, as soon as I realize it is a telemarketer, I simply hang
up without saying anything at all. I don't consider this rude,
because it is rude to call me in the first place!
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Julie, 44, female
<jewelsong@AOL.com>,
Boston, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Don't just say "not interested" and hang up. Saying that
keeps you on the list to be sold to other telemarketers. Instead, ask
to be put on their "Do not call" list. By law (albeit a fairly weak
one) they must comply with this, at least in the United States, and
if you do it enough, eventually the calls will stop. Or, search the
web using Yahoo or whatever for "telemarketer", and you can find
scripts you can use to take control of the call, and ensure they
comply with the law. There are even instructions on taking
telemarketers to small-claims court for $500 in your hometown.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1999
Marty K., male, MN
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
O7: While our family was watching a male ballet dancer, we
wondered: Why do male ballet dancers augment their groin area with
padding or a disproportionately large cup?
POSTED MAY 29, 1998
Mike, 51, straight white male, Honolulu
ANSWER 1:
Male dancers do not wear cups. To do so would hurt and
restrict movement. What they do wear under their tights is called a
dance belt. It's sort of like a jock with one strap - an athletic
thong, if you will. It is very tight-fitting, in order to keep things
in place, as when the dancer is in motion, and when he stops, so does
everything else (unchoreographed movements are usually not
desirable). The dancer also positions his penis upwards so that the
support provided by the dance belt can push everything up and out of
the way of rapidly moving legs. Under all this pressure, the genitals
are flattened somewhat, making them appear from the front slightly
wider than usual. Dancers are also very fit and have low body fat.
This makes the contours of their body very prominent under
form-fitting costumes.
POSTED JUNE 14, 1998
Rex T.,
<rex_tremende@hotmail.com>,
Cincinnati, OH
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think the garment serves three main purposes: To
support, protect and give a "smooth" appearance so that the private
parts are not apparent by their shape. It is not worn to accentuate
the area.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Barbara
<weathers@west.net>,
Santa Barbara, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
A number of years ago I worked as a costumer for a
top-rated ballet company. Male dancers take risks much like an
athlete when dancing. Many of the maneuvers, including splits, jumps
and bends, are potentially harmful to their genitals. In order to
protect themselves, many of the dancers use a method of tucking
themselves that would be difficult to explain in this forum but I am
sure most men can imagine. This method gives added protection to the
groin area. Also, keep in mind that the tights worn by dancers are
very snug-fitting and have a tendency to accentuate all areas of the
body. Lastly, dancers are in the finest physical condition, which
makes for a certain type of leanness that would also serve to
accentuate any type of "bulge."
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
K. Taylor
<kdm05@bellsouth.net>,
Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I danced with the New York City Ballet for nine years and
with many of the biggest names in the business. I can assure you no
one is augmenting themselves in any way. If anyone in our dressing
room did, we would have laughed them out the door. However, the
proper way of wearing a dance belt (Dancers Jock Strap) is to pull
one's testicles up, giving them a more rounded, smooth appearance and
possibly bigger. But there is no augmentation going on.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Charles A., straight white male dancer
<LGoldin922@aol.com>,
Santa Monica, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
O6: How do defense attorneys who help clients they knew were
guilty live with that? Especially in cases in which they knew, for
example, that the person had molested a child?
POSTED MAY 9, 1998
John S., Sterling Heights, MI
ANSWER 1:
Not being a lawyer, but one who is studying law, I know
that the Bill of Rights says that anyone accused of a crime has the
right to an attorney. That includes everyone - even rapists, thieves
and murderers. There is no crime you can commit for which you will be
denied right of counsel. The person who is charged decides whether to
plead guilty, not the attorney. It may be hard for the attorney to
defend someone who is guilty of a heinous crime, but it is also hard
for a doctor to tell a family that a loved one has died. It's just
something someone must do.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Jenifer N.,19, white female, Nifle@aol.com, Panama City, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am a police officer and asked a defense attorney the same question.
Here is what he said: An attorney takes an oath to defend his client
to the highest degree he can, no matter if his client is guilty or
not guilty. If an attorney does not defend his client to the highest
degree, he may lose his license. Remember, the attorney is there to
make sure his client's "rights" have not or will not be violated.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Jeff S., Inglewood, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
A defense attorney has the responsibility to provide the best defense
possible for his client, regardless of how he feels about that
client. If a defense attorney does the best job of defending his
client that can be done and the client is found guilty, then society
is enriched and justice is served. If a defense attorney does a hack
job and does not provide a good defense, a client could then use the
attorney's incompetence for a retrial, mistrial or dismissal on
appeal. If you were an attorney, how could you live with yourself if
you purposely did a poor job to get your client convicted, only to
have the conviction overturned on appeal and watch the criminal walk
out of the justice system a free person? You gotta take the bad to
get the best our system can offer.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
William, 40, Charleston, SC
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Most attorneys do have morals and do lose sleep over the release of
the guilty when they have done their job well. Many people do work
that must be done in society that is distasteful.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Lyman, Flagler Beach, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
The Constitutional objective of the defense attorney is to ensure the
client is treated justly by the system - not to cause the guilty to
go unpunished - to make sure there are no violations of their rights
to due process (14th amendment), unlawful seizure (4th) and cruel or
unusual punishment (8th). The "oath" they take is not based entirely
on actual law. It is a vow created by and for their profession. I
object to their efforts to protect those they know are guilty by
punishing victims, intentionally contorting facts and adding
controversy (racial) where there is none. In 1998, that's what they
do because that's what the guilty expect, and they are rewarded for
their ability to do it. I feel they often go too far under the guise
of providing the "best defense" and go beyond what their original
presence was intended to provide.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
James F.
<fairfiej@mail.ci.tlh.fl.us>,
Tallahassee, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I was a criminal prosecutor for seven years, spent another seven as
an in-house attorney doing trial work in defense of a Fortune 500
company, and am now a prosecutor again. The question asked has many
answers, depending on the type of defense attorney involved. Some are
motivated by greed and will do anything, illegal or immoral, to win,
to enhance their reputation, to make money. Some are what we call
"true believers." They think everything is a police conspiracy, and
that they have never represented a guilty person. Every time a true
believer loses, a miscarriage of justice has occurred. They take it
personally, too. True believers tend to be younger. Veteran defense
lawyers tend to be more realistic, professional, easier to work with,
but understand they have a job to do. They tend to be more skilled,
and are usually not happy when a guilty person walks. Within this
system, everyone can live with themselves, as 99 percent of the time
they do what they're comfortable with.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
J. Mahoney
<JJMAHONIII@aol.com>,
Chicago, IL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
O5: Is it acceptable to date someone you work with if you keep
it professional at the office? Is it anyone's business what you do
with your personal time outside the office?
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Stephanie P., 22
<stephiep@hotmail.com>
Ann Arbor, MI
ANSWER 1:
There is no question that personal involvement does affect
professional performance in the workplace. As an employer, I've had
two instances in which relations between staff members blossomed and
soured and consequently affected office atmosphere. I don't recommend
office policies denying such behavior (doomed to fail because of
human nature), but I do ask employees to inform the office of what is
happening so the inevitable can be factored in.
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
F.J.B., South Africa
<fjb@poboxes.com>
FURTHER NOTICE:
Is it acceptable? Probably not, but it depends on your
company's culture. Is it smart? Almost definitely not - especially if
you value your job and your peace of mind. If you plan to move on and
don't particularly need an enthusiastic reference, go ahead and have
fun. Otherwise, think about any former relationships that have gone
bad, and ask yourself how much you'd enjoy having to work with your
exes now.
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
A. Morgan, 33, Houston
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I dated within the office about a year after I started my
job in a very large corporation. Everything was great for about 18
month, and then the break-up occurred. Even though a lot of people in
my office didn't even realize we were dating for more than a year, it
didn't take long for them to realize the break-up was occurring due
to our behavior swings toward each other. While everything can be
bliss in an interdepartmental relationship, if it goes sour, you may
be faced with a very uncomfortable situation that you have to face
every day. As I once said, you'll probably think that won't happen to
you. Take your chances, but there are a lot of advantages to being
far away from your new ex.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
B.L., 25, Ann Arbor, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
As a senior manager, I'd say it breaks down like this: If
one employee is a supervisor of the other, it is unethical to date.
(If the couple insists, one must move out of the other's chain of
command). This situation offers too many opportunities for abuse of
power. If they both work closely together but have no supervisory
relationships it is risky from a practical standpoint, but probably
not unethical. Working with a disgruntled ex can get very difficult.
If you don't work closely together, go for it. The office is one of
the best places to meet similar others, if you keep in mind the risks
if it doesn't work out.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Mark A., 46
<archerm@No.Spam.tidalwave.net>,
Stafford, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think dating someone with whom you work is your own
business as long as you're not dating someone you supervise. When
there is a power differential involved, it can affect the work
environment for more than just the two of you. Probably the biggest
problem with dating someone at work can come if/when you break up,
because it can become very uncomfortable facing him or her every day
after that. It's a good idea to consider this when weighing the pros
and cons of taking the plunge.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Jennifer B., 29, Saline, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I can speak from experience. I have had two serious
relationships with individuals with whom I once worked. In the first,
I married my first wife while managing a restaurant for which she
also worked. We managed to keep our private affairs out of the
workplace, but we found that as much as we cared for each other,
seeing each other all day long presented us with the prospect of
getting sick of the sight of each other. In the second, I had a
six-month office relationship. While we kept it quiet, rumors
persisted. When we broke up, many awkward moments followed.
Therefore, I would avoid relationships with co-workers. Disruptions
are sure to follow unless the relationship lasts.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Carl W. <altusss@aol.com>,
Hickory, N.C.
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
It is not a good practice to date co-workers. It would be
nice if when you met someone, it was irrelevant whether they worked
with or around you. Ultimately, there are to many potential problems
that can arise. Also, companies have a right to know how you conduct
yourself off duty, in my opinion, simply because you represent that
company and you represent the image.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Craig S., 31, seamanc@lg9.beale.af.mil, Antelope, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
O4: Why do nurses seem to gravitate toward police and firemen
in terms of relationships?
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
T.M., Detroit
ANSWER 1:
It's funny this question was asked. My husband accused me
of asking the question and putting someone else's initials. I believe
it's true because nurses, firemen and police officers all deal with
the same types of situations - death, birth, child abuse, shootings,
accident victims and so forth. We all deal with these things and find
it difficult to discuss with our families because many don't
understand; or, we find it gruesome to discuss. I feel it's a comfort
zone, within the sick society we live in and deal with at any given
moment.
Tina, 27, RN, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I don't know of any studies being done in this area, or
any reason, really, to do them. But, whether it happens more often
than relationships in other occupational areas or not, I agree with
the first answer - related areas of the occupations, shift work,
opportunity to meet on the job and proceeding from there, as men and
women do, and should do. The question caught my attention because I
am (happily) married to an RN, and have been a law enforcement
officer for some years.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Ed H.
<e_hamrick@hotmail.com>,
Ocala, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The answer is often merely a matter of logistics - they
are all in 24-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week occupations with weird
shiftwork hours and working on holidays.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Bobbie M., 37, lesbian, CNM
<bjmcnm@primary.net>,
St. Louis, MO
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am a nurse and have never dated a firefighter, paramedic
or another nurse. I think I like the variety of being able to talk
about different things and having separate lives outside the home.
Also, I never have dated within my race, so maybe I am just crying
out for diversity.
POSTED JULY 28, 1998
Robert, gay male, nurse
<wedbanquet@aol.com>,
Sacramento, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I don't think that statement is true. My mother and many
of her friends are nurses, and not a single one is married to or
dating a fireman, police officer, etc.
POSTED OCT. 15, 1998
21-year-old female
<duplantis@stic.net>,
San Antonio, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
O3: What is the customary tip for a free drink received in a
casino?
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Diane H., 50, Toledo, OH
ANSWER 1:
When I go to a casino that offers free drinks while
sitting at a table, I find it good to tip on the response to your
drink returned to you. As with any service, you tip according to your
service. If the drink takes a long time to get there and it is real
weak (and you would rather have it strong), I would tip $1. If it is
a good drink and it returns quickly, I have tipped as much as $5 per
drink. Remember, when you get your drink, taste it, then tip.
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
Steve, s.ski@att.net, Eugene, OR
FURTHER NOTICE:
I've worked in a casino in Reno as a tipped and non-tipped
employee. The people who serve you literally live on their tips. They
are taxed by the IRS for tips before they are earned. Trust me, I
know. These people work for less than minimum wage because they work
for tips. They also have to share their tips with the bartender and
sometimes with the other wait persons. It is customary at least in
Reno to tip the waitress or waiter for "free" drinks. They live on
that money.
POSTED JUNE 12, 1998
Wendy B., 30, female, Wendlea@aol.com, Sparks, NV
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a former cocktail waitress in Reno, the acceptable tip
for a "free" drink in a casino is at least $1 per drink. Most casino
employees earn minimum wage and live on their tips. Of that $1 tip,
20 percent will go to the bartender, and then it is customary to give
the barback a little something for all of their help at the end of
the night. When you think about it, $1 per drink is pretty
reasonable, especially when you didn't have to walk to the bar, stand
in line and pay full price for it.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Jill T.,27, jill@homemail.com, Reno, NV
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
How much you tip for a "free" drink depends on the service
you receive from your bartender and/or cocktail waitress. If the
drink is made to your satisfaction, if the service is good, and
prompt, the minimum you should tip is $1. For just uncapping a beer,
50 cents is the minimum courtesy. Basically, you tip exactly as you
would if you had paid for the drink, and always tip extra for an
especially well-made drink, or especially friendly and prompt
service. Also, don't forget that in some casinos, cocktail waitresses
actually buy the drinks from the bar with their own money. If they
don't get tipped (usually at least 50 cents a drink), they end up
buying your "free drink" out of their pockets. Also, if a bartender
"comps" you a drink without you betting or without a comp ticket,
always tip that bartender generously. You might be surprised how many
times I've seen someone order drinks at a table or bar with a comp
ticket and never tip the person serving him/her. Bad etiquette.
POSTED JULY 22, 1998
Amber, 26, Las Vegas, NV
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
O2: Can waiters and waitresses give us diners some clues as to
proper tipping? In the States, 15 percent of food and 10 percent of
drinks (i.e. bar tab) is the norm, correct? Also, do you tip 15
percent pre-tax (why tip for tax)? What about at buffets? Finally,
I've heard that leaving a penny means you did not forget to tip, but
that you thought your service was terrible. I've also heard that
leaving a penny with a tip is a compliment - which is it?
POSTED MARCH 23, 1998
H. Lima , OH
ANSWER 1:
My qualifications to answer this question: Being an
ex-waitress and bartender for eight years during college and my young
party years. First, 15 percent is the standard tip for standard
service. That number is derived from the total bill (which includes
tax). Second, I have never heard of 10 percent for drinks, it's 15
percent, period. If I get extraordinary service, I tip 20 percent.
There will be those who say that you should not tip at all for bad
service, but I disagree. I've had to work on nights when normal
employees (day people) would have called in sick. Servers don't get
sick pay or grievance time off, so take it easy on someone who could
be having a bad day. Third, regarding the penny thing, the only
people ever doing that anymore are older people. Really old people,
and I was happy to accept any tip they wanted to give.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Danielle C., 28, Fort Worth, Texas
FURTHER NOTICE:
Being a server for almost three years, I feel 15 percent
is a must. Even if you're not happy with the food, remember, your
server didn't make the food or hold it up. Also, don't forget, most
servers make only $2.65 an hour and are not guaranteed minimum
wage.
POSTED MARCH 28, 1998
M.J.M.<mmason@rocketmail.com/>
Farmington Hills, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a former waitress, I believe the amount of the tip
should reflect the server's attitude and service. Standard today is
15 percent, and 20 percent for exceptional service. Remember in your
evaluation that it is not up to the server how many servers are
working that shift, so if your server is working hard and doing the
best in a shorthanded situation, judge them accordingly. Also, if
there is a problem with your food (temperature, preparation) and your
server handles the problem courteously, he or she should be judged
accordingly, as these problems may not be their fault. In cases in
which the server is not at fault, tip well and address your comments
to the manager or hostess.
POSTED MARCH 28, 1998
J.Blythe, 41
<captbly@sunlink.net>
Canadensis, PA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
On the penny tip question: As an ex-waitress, I've found
that occasionally, a penny tip from older customers is meant as a
nice gesture; but from the majority of people it is about the equal
of a slap in the face. It is the most outrageous way they can think
to tell you either the food wasn't satisfactory or the service was
less than they would expect. On a very busy night, when two other
waitresses called in sick, I was running around, going crazy, and I
wasn't able to give each customer the service I would have liked, and
a couple let me know it. They were in their mid-to-late twenties and
instead of a normal tip, they poured the salt on the table to spell
"you suck" and left a penny as a tip. Some people think the world
revolves around them and don't take into consideration how hard other
people have to work to keep them happy.
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
J.R., 24, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I have on one occasion left a penny as an indication the
service was terrible. In that case, we saw the waitress when she
brought the food and again over an hour later when she brought the
bill; when she brought the food, she did not bring rolls, which were
supposed to be part of our meal, and which I asked about at that
time; and when I asked her about them when she brought the check, she
expressed surprise that I was upset about not having received them.
That was the last time we ever went to that restaurant. If the food
is less than satisfactory and the service is good, I complain about
the food and leave a reasonable tip (20 percent pre-tax, which is
above 15 percent post-tax). One one occasion I complained about the
service as I was paying and then gave the cashier money for the tip,
and upon her expression of surprise, I told her that poor kitchen
help was no reason to penalize a good waitress; from her reaction,
apparently many people do not see it that way.
POSTED MAY 4
W.B., Amarillo, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
My aunt, who was a waitress for many years, she said the
penny thing was a holdover from the Depression, when a penny was a
good tip for good service and two pennies signified exemplary
service. That's probably why older people do this. My aunt also said
nowadays, some people, usually older folks, will tip 15 percent and
add a penny or two.
POSTED AUG. 9, 1998
White guy, 42
<deandamid@earthlink.net>,
Santa Paula, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Leaving a penny tip is definitely an insult, and I have
only done it once. I was on my honeymoon and went to a nice
restaurant. They were short-handed, I will grant you that, so the
hostess was also doing minor waitressing duty by fetching drink
orders and running salads and bread to tables. To make a long story
short, she practically threw a large mug of beer into my lap, said
"Oh...sorry" and then proceeded to go laugh about it with another
server, in plain view of my table! My meal was not comped. Leaving
that penny felt really good.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
A.J.
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Tips serve another purpose as well: Servers will let
management know if tips are up or down. While the previous example of
the penny tip and obnoxious table-salt note is an example of some
pretty nasty people, the waitress who responded noted that she was
overworked and couldn't provide adequate customer service. I would
never leave a penny tip, but in that situation I would probably leave
5 percent, figuring that if she were working that many tables, the
net result would be the same. Is she working harder? Absolutely. But
that should be between her and management; if they're stretching her
too thin, it's not in my nature to leave a "normal" tip out of
charity; that simply encourages the restaurant to not improve.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Tom Y., Orlando, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
One thing I want to add (and I really hope one person sees
this and makes a server's day) concerns restaurant coupons. As a
former server, we were required to disclose tip income to the
government based on total sales of food. When coupons discounted say,
half the bill, my sales reported 100 percent of food, but my tips
would often be for the 50 percent total of the bill. My income would
sometimes be cut in half, and there were times I would have to report
that I made more money than I actually took home. Take a 15 percent
tip of $100 in sales ($15), tip 1 percent to the bar ($1), and 1
percent to the busser ($1). Now try that with a meal discounted $50
(just an example) where the server gets 15 percent of $50. He still
tips $1 to each, then has to report 8 percent of $100 in sales. He's
got $5 in his pocket, and he's saying he made $8.
POSTED NOV. 2, 1998
Anthony, 24, MI
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE
QUESTION:
O1: I am a 53-year-old black elementary school principal and am
proud of that fact. I have noticed in social settings where there
might be a high degree of blue-collar workers that much is expected
of someone who holds this title and position. Why do people seem to
expect more from someone who holds a position such as this than they
expect from themselves? This includes behavior, speech, actions.
POSTED MARCH 16, 1998
P.J. Baker, Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
I do not feel this is a race or gender issue. I am
also not sure whether you may think it may be an issue related to
your race. What I am positive about is that most people, when put
into a group setting, seek out a leader. You have obviously proven
yourself as a leader through hard work and commitment. It can be very
frustrating to watch many people sit back and wait for someone to
take the lead, but, I am sure that this may also be one of the
reasons you are a principal and not still a teacher.
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Ed
<eward@ees.eesc.com>,
Armada , MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
When I was in grade school, the principal had the highest
authority in the school. The principal was the final arbiter of
disagreements. The principal enforced dress and behavior codes and
set a good example. The principal announced what to do during
emergency drills. When I am around people I first met as a teacher or
principal, I call them Mr/s. (surname) and tend to look at the floor
when talking. Maybe the same thing happens to people around you -
they default to what they learned in school.
POSTED MARCH 22, 1998
Dave D., 35, white
Wales, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As someone who, on my mother's side of the family, is from
a blue-collar, working-class, labor supporter (United Kingdom)
background, I feel I can respond to this question. Many students from
a blue-collar background are unsuccessful at school, particularly
academically, often because less is expected of them and they may not
come from an environment in which education and teachers are
respected. I remember my own father (lower middle-class) saying
"Teachers teach because they can't do!", and my mother still has no
time for academic '"experts." Other working-class parents are also
likely to be negative toward teachers, often because they feel they
did not get any support from them during their schooling. The result
of this is that they are unlikely to show much respect toward any
teacher, black, yellow or white.
POSTED MARCH 30, 1998
S Farr, 40, Wellington , New Zealand
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I suspect they feel uneasy around you and expect
you are judging them. In social situations, many people
tend to apologize when they drop a swear word in front of a minister.
They apologize for their language skills in front of an English
teacher. Police officers also have a hard time getting others to
relax in their presence at a party, so they tend to socialize only
with other police. Possibly your justifiable pride in your
achievement is coming across as a sense of superiority that makes
others uncomfortable. But if you want them to treat you as one of
them, you must make sure you are treating them as an equal.
POSTED MAY 4, 1998
Pam S.
<palema@downcity.net>,
Willimantic, CT
To respond
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