Race/Ethnicity
Questions 161-170
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THE
QUESTION:
R170: I am from a white suburb and go to school in the city. I
have found that black people are rude to me because I am white. I am
a very friendly and outgoing, and I do not understand why I get
different treatment from black people than they give others who are
black.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
David M.,19, Royal Oak, MI
ANSWER 1:
Just your garden variety prejudice and bigotry. Rather
than looking at you as David, who happens to be white, they preceive
you as the white guy. They are resentful about white racism,
and so when you enter the picture the resentment is focused on
you.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Jay B., black male
<jayboyd@ameritech.net>
Detroit, MI
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R169: I went to a high school where there were students from a
variety of Middle Eastern nations. I was wondering: Why do Chaldeans
talk in their native language all the time, and in front of others
who don't? (See R176 for a related
question.)
POSTED APRIL 11, 1998
Jennie I., Sterling Hts., MI
ANSWER 1:
All people communicate in the most common, comfortable,
normal way for the speaker and the direct audience. If you watch your
own communication, you will find that it varies between friends,
elders, kids, writing, public speaking, employment, etc. Children
raised in close association with a German-speaking grandparent and a
Spanish-speaking grandparent will automatically switch to the
appropriate language when talking to them. They won't consider the
change in language an insult to the other grandparent. Without
evidence to the contrary, I would not assume someone using a language
you do not understand does so to exclude or insult you.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
C. Pepmiller, craig@more.net, MO
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
R168: Director's Paraphrase: Jas of Pensacola, FL, asks a
question for whites: He, as a black male, often finds himself in a
situation many blacks face: Being the only person of their race in a
room (at a party, school function, on the job, etc.) He would like to
know how often white people find themselves the only person of their
race in a room full of people, and how they react to it and feel in
that situation. If not, how would they honestly feel and act if they
were in that situation?
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
ANSWER 1:
In a military officer training situation I once shared a
dorm room for two weeks with three black women. I felt like I was on
an alien planet! They all read Ebony magazine, listened to rap music
and talked together in a city slang I could barely understand.
Everything was perfectly friendly and polite on both sides, but I
pretty much kept to myself. There just didn't seem to be any common
ground, and I was afraid of pushing in where I might not be
wanted.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Colette, 32, white
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>
Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
As a white woman who considers herself "purposely
bicultural," I find myself in that situation very often, and I am
extremely comfortable with it. However, while facilitating a workshop
on erasing racism ("Eracism"), we found that most white people's
comfort level is dependent on how much free-floating guilt they carry
with respect to racism. If they have a lot, they feel uncomfortable
in any situation in which they are not in the large majority. If they
have a little or none, they don't. So the solution for white folks
who feel uncomfortable (or think they would) is to look inside
themselves and determine what steps they need to take to heal
themselves in the area of prejudice and racism. One step would be to
do research; there are many good books written on this subject.
Another would be to purposely seek out people of other cultures and
get to know them and understand the differences in our circumstances
and perspectives. I believe the end to racism will come one person at
a time.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Joan, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
It's not comfortable to feel conspicuous in a group. As an
extremely shy person, I can tell you that the "Only One" feeling is
not limited to race. It happens to the only one of a gender, the only
one in formal clothing, the only one of a religion and anyone who
feels out of place for reasons of personal insecurity. I feel this
almost every time I walk into a room where there are people. I used
to feel that black people would want to reject me as an interloper
when I was one of the few white people in the room. I no longer do
because, now, I have so many diverse friends. Last weekend, I spent a
day at a conference with about 150 black people and maybe three or
four whites. I never felt conspicuous. I had a wonderful day because
so many people there were friends, and they introduced me to their
friends. However, I did feel out of place during the praying and
preaching because I am not a Christian.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Molly, Ohio
<jbfails@aol.com>
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I've encountered that situation a number of times. My wife
is black, and when we were dating in college, I would go down with
her to visit her grandmom on the south side of Chicago. Being poor
college students, we mostly rode the bus, and virtually every time, I
was the only white person on the bus or in her grandmom's
neighborhood. It was a truly eye-opening experience - very, very
weird. (Nobody ever bothered me - I suspect they could've cared less.
The weirdness was in my own head, because it was so different from
what I was used to.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
Alex, 39, white
<aleavens@mindspring.com>
Lawrenceville, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
A few years ago I checked into a hotel near a conference I
was attending. I started getting mildly anxious and couldn't
understand why. It suddenly hit me that all of the people around me
were black - guests and employees. I realized I was worrying about my
safety, and that worry was purely based on the skin color around me.
This experience was a real eye opener for me. Since then, I have
deliberately placed myself in situations where I am in the minority.
The more I do, this the more comfortable I am. Sometimes it is
uncomfortable - being one of two whites in a class on the
African-American family, I often felt compelled to keep my comments
to myself. I considered this a taste of what it must be like for many
African-American students on white campuses.
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
Pat, white
<hultsp@cobleskill.edu>
Cobleskill, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I'm gay, Jewish and the only male of four siblings.
Through travels, I've been the only white, only American, only
English speaker. It's an odd experience, that over time, I guess I've
just learned to get used to. Here's what I do: A lot of smiling,
nodding, trying to get along, trying to be involved no matter how out
of place, being at ease with the fact that some people just plain
don't agree with me and, most importantly, always assuming the best
of people. In high school I had a Hebrew teacher who gave me the
clearest understanding of the problem. He could barely speak English
except for his subject, and he was very uncomfortable with the class.
So every time someone cracked a joke and the students laughed, he
would get angry. He always thought we were making fun of him, and
that was rarely the case. Assuming the worst kept him tense, out of
place and ultimately unhappy. And even if his assumptions had been
true, they didn't help him reach the class.
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
Michael, 30, white
<TheMartian@juno.com>
Houston, Texas
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I grew up in a decent-size city (100,000). I moved to
Toronto to go to school and got a job at a local community center
working with kids. I remember looking around one day at work and
realizing I was the only white person there, kids and all. Even now,
there's only one white kid who ever shows up for the program. At
first it was odd, but now I don't even notice it. I got used to it
quick. Now, when I'm with a lot of white people, it catches me off
guard.
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
Kelly C., 20, white
<crok9497@hotmail.com>
Toronto, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I live in Hamtramck, Mich., a smaller version of the
"Melting Pot." There are all races within this city. I used to go to
a dollar store on the main street here to get my nails done but I
quit going. The reason was that the place was full of black women who
looked at me like they were going to spit on my shoes. But, the last
time I was there I went with a different attitude. I went in and sat
down feeling I belonged just like everyone else. Without showing my
own feelings of discomfort, I seemed to disarm their aggression
toward me, and I actually had a very informative conversation with a
black woman sitting in the seat beside me. It just makes you see the
similarities in animal behavior in comparison to human behavior.
Animals keep their status in a group by pure intimidation. Humans are
not too different.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
N.Barrett
<elton98@excitemail.com>
Hamtramck, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
When I was attending the University of Texas at El Paso, I
was involved with some groups of international students. When I was
with a friend, I was more comfortable than when I did not know anyone
in the group. How quickly I overcame any unease depended on how
quickly I was able to get to know someone in the group. Three of my
four roommates were internationals, and that also probably helped me
overcome any discomfort I might have otherwise had.
POSTED MAY 4, 1998
W.B., white male, Amarillo, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I am actually the most comfortable around black people. I
am from England and although I am white, I feel uncomfortable around
many white Southern Americans. I have lived in the States 11 years,
and my friends are black, English or from the North. I find that I
doubt the sincerity of and cringe at the conversations of many white
people, because I know these conversations would not take place if
black people were around. I'd rather not be exposed to this bigotry,
so I'll take my knocks with the black folks, thanks.
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
Lorraine. B, 41, white female
<BRITTinFL@aol.com>,
Panama City, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
I used to be friends with a black man in his early 30s who
was a sales rep with one of my employer's stock distributors a few
years ago. He was one of the friendliest people I have ever met, the
kind of person who lights up your day. Every year he had a huge party
at his house during one of the holidays, and I was always invited. A
few of my friends and I always went to his gathering and had a great
time. I suspected before I went to the first party that we would be
in the minority, but I really didn't care. At first I felt a little
strange because all the black ladies in the room stopped talking and
stared at us as we walked in, and even seemed to snub us throughout
the evening, but I didn't pay much attention to them. I was there to
see my friend, and he was the life of the party, making sure everyone
was having a good time. Some of his other black friends talked to us,
and they were just as cool as he was. My friends agreed they did feel
a bit out of place at first, but after a few minutes of chatting with
other people there, we ignored the fact we were the oddballs.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
A.D., twenty-something, white female, Northwest Florida
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
While in college I attended a step show coordinated by the
Black Fraternity Council with a friend of mine. There were
approximately 2,000 people there. Everyone I saw that night was black
except for me and maybe two others. I received a few awkward looks
from people I think would have preferred I be elsewhere. However, I
think most people did not care I was there. It felt a little
uncomfortable and intimidating because I don't enjoy being in the
spotlight, and I felt like I stood out.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Laurie, white
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R167: Why do Aborigines often look messy?
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Kerry M., Australia
<mCdULING@POWERUP.COM.AU>
ANSWER 1:
All Aborigines don't look "messy." Many white Australians
only get to see Aboriginal people who are homeless or have obvious
problems with alcohol in the cities. Many Aboriginal people are not
obviously Aboriginal looking. Some, including friends of mine, did
not realize their Aboriginality as they were fostered. So you may
already know Aboriginal people who are not "messy."
POSTED MAY 6, 1998
Paul C.
<canning@rainbow.net.au>,
Sydney, Australia
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
R166: Recently my social work class visited an Indian Nations
University. During a dialogue, the Native American professor referred
to non-whites as "people of culture." Although I realize white
culture is dominant, I wonder whether I should have taken offense to
this comment. Was he implying that white culture is completely
homogeneous, or was it simply a way of reflecting on non-white
culture?
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Carly, 21, Lawrence, KS
ANSWER 1:
Unflatteringly put - but it's generally true these days.
European immigrants came to this country from many different
cultures, so they formed a Great Generic Society to include all (then
white) Americans. Generations later, the Generic Society has expanded
to include minorities, leaving many white people feeling
disenfranchised. White "wannabees" cling to the fringes of minority
groups, because they feel they have no valid culture of their own.
White separatists fight to preserve what they mistakenly consider to
be "white culture."
European-American people need to become ethnic again. Study the
real history, mythology and culture of the country of your
ancestors. It's different from what you learned in school. Not only
will it reunite you with your rightful culture, educate and entertain
you, but you will understand yourself better. For example, what I
once considered some of my character defects (because they didn't fit
in the Generic Society) I have since learned are typical French
behavior patterns, passed down from my ancestors.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Colette, white
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>
Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
To Colette: By gravitating toward our "real" culture
(non-American), we will never get along. Whites have no right to
complain about blacks being "different" or "those Hispanics" who
don't learn to speak the language if we are constantly promoting our
Italian or German or French roots instead of trying to develop an
inclusive society. The French, Mexicans and Japanese can preserve
their own culture without us - just as we want to take in different
cultures when we visit Europe, international visitors want a taste of
America when they come here, not ersatz Gallic, Sino or African
customs. How would you like to visit the Moulin Rouge and see
McDonalds and GAPs everywhere?
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
Steve, KS
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To Steve: The best way to deal with diversity is to accept
and celebrate it, not wipe it out. I see nothing wrong with people of
varied races preserving their own cultures and customs. There's
nothing wrong with a Hmong community within America, or an
African-American community or a Belgian community. But as long as
white people are taught the American dominant culture is "white
culture," the more they will fight to prevent other races being
included.
As for the tourist trade, I doubt foreigners would be upset to
find parts of America similar to their own country ... there are
already McDonaldses all over Europe, and even in Moscow and India
(where, since beef is taboo, they serve mutton hamburgers!) but it
hasn't stopped Americans from traveling.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Colette, 32, white
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>
Seymour, WI
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
R165: Director's Paraphrase: Mike of Wheaton, Maryland, wants
to know why blacks have been treated with little respect in regard to
their military service to the United States. "What's with white
America's loyalties?" he asks, stating that German prisoners in World
War II rode in front of black American soldiers on transport trains,
and that former U.S. enemies and their children from Japan, Korea and
Vietnam are now treated as "honorary Americans." Y? would prefer that
someone with a background in the history of race and/or military
conflict address this question.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
R164: I see Asian women dating more white men than Asian men.
I would like to know why.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Victor, male, Secaucus, NJ
ANSWER 1:
Many Asian women probably think white men are more
romantic, and (maybe the most important for those women who are
highly educated and have careers of their own), many of them are not
very strict about the so-called traditional gender roles (where
husband works and wife stays at home). This is what I heard from many
of my female friends who dated and married white men.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
Chi Yu, Chinese female, Indonesia
FURTHER NOTICE:
Being a white male who has dated an Asian female, I can
only offer my own experience. Asian women are great - the
relationship is that much more spiritual, and you are opened up to a
new culture. As to why Asian women date white males, you have got me;
I personally think we're boring.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
Gefro
<Monkeyshine_69@hotmail.com>
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
There are many theories. Here are a couple: One is that
with the small numbers of Asians in many American communities, often
the only other Asian males that Asian females have grown up around
are relatives. Thus, encountering other Asian males in school, work
or wherever, they're reminded primarily of relatives rather than
potential love interests. The second theory, and one I believe in
much more, is that Americans, including Asian-American women, rarely
see positive, sexy, dynamic, interesting portrayals of Asian men in
the mass media. Asian men's movie roles can be summed up by the
stereotypical "five Gs": Geek, gook, gangster, guru, gung fu. About
98 percent of our roles are in those categories. Other races are
portrayed positively (or at least sexually) at times in the media;
Asian men rarely are.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
David, 35, Asian American
<HoopNation@aol.com>,
San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I do not know if you are speaking of Asian Americans or
Asians from Asia, but I can tell you why Asian women often find
Americans and Europeans more attractive: In much of Asia, often the
role of the girlfriends and wives was to be the maids and
child-rearers. I heard from a number of women, including friends and
former girlfriends, that their ex-boyfriends and husbands expected
them to clean the house, make dinner, and no more. The men paid no
attention to them, showed no affection to them and barely talked to
them. In contrast, Americans and Europeans paid far more attention to
them. In short, they went where they felt they were being
appreciated.
POSTED FEB. 18, 1999
R. deLorimier
<delorimier@hotmail.com>,
San Francisco, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R163: Why is it that when you see whites in a TV or a magazine
advertisement, especially with furniture, they are reading a book or
magazine, but the blacks are hardly ever shown reading anything?
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Jas, black
<themoas@aol.com>
Pensacola, FL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R162: I just started dating a white guy and my friends find
that very strange. I do not see any color, creed or what-have-you,
but how can I make my friends see that?
POSTED APRIL 8, 1998
Jayne, black, Tampa, FL
ANSWER 1:
I feel the answer is "choice and compatibility." I believe
the only way to put a stop to racism and enhance interracial and
interpersonal relationships is by "mingling" and by realizing there
is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial relationships.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Female, black
<ifebigh77@hotmail.com>
Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
You can't make anyone see anything they don't want to see.
All you can do is try to educate your friends. Tell them he is a
great guy who happens to be white. If they are true friends, they
won't have a problem with you dating a white guy. If they choose not
to associate with you anymore, then be prepared for that. You didn't
want to associate with ignorant people, anyway. Be prepared to get an
education yourself. If you didn't see color before, you sure will
now. Please remember that your white boyfriend may be having similar
or worse problems with his friends and family, so you must support
each other.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Jas, black
<themoas@aol.com>
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I don't really think you can make your friends or anyone
see through your eyes. Just keep doing what you're doing, and
hopefully they and others will follow suite. Good luck and stay
happy.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Gail, Euless, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
In your (Jayne's) first statement, you state that you're
dating a white guy. In your second statement you say you don't see
race. That's a contradiction. If you feel comfortable dating a white
guy, do it, but don't suggest that you don't see that he is, indeed,
white. That denial will in the end destroy you and your own identity.
Since you claim not to notice he's white, do you also hope he
doesn't notice your race? Maybe it's this attitude that your friends
are turned off by. I would be.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Black Woman, 38, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I don't think she's saying she doesn't see any color at
all, but that it's not an important factor in her decision - that
she's deciding based on other qualities - and that since it is, in
fact, her decision, why can't her friends deal with it? In any
case, I'm white, my wife's black, we're about to celebrate our 20th
anniversary and we couldn't be happier.
There are a number of things you're going to have to deal with in
dating a white guy when you're a black woman: 1) Very few people are
going to understand (as you're finding out), on either side of the
color line. 2) His family and friends will, in all likelihood, be
horrified about his dating you. (Half my family disowned me when I
married my wife - their loss). This is because socially, it's a step
down. Your family is less likely to be upset - virtually all of my
wife's relatives have been wonderful about our marriage. 3) You'll
get constant questions along the lines of "what about the kids?" If
you decide to have children, understand and recognize that this
society considers them black - not mixed race, not multi-ethnic, but
black. 4) You will get sniped by "friends" about your choice.
Remember, most people want to validate their experiences, not
yours. So if they cannot conceive of dating someone of a different
color, they can't imagine why you would, either. Good luck! If you
truly care for this person, and he cares for you, there really is no
need to worry about skin color.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Alex, 39, white
<aleavens@mindspring.com>
Lawrenceville, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To "Black Woman" in Michigan: When I say I do not see any
color or creed, I mean I do not judge people by the color of their
skin or their religion. I judge people by their character and the
positive things they have to offer society. Of course I see he is
white and I am black, but he is first a human, then a man and then I
place what race he falls into.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Jayne, Tampa, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
If you truly love him, work on your relationship. Work on
being confident in the mate you have chosen. Work on your lives
together. You may lose some friends; you cannot make all people
accept what is right for you. But, at least, they should try to be
open-minded and supportive enough of you to accept what you have
chosen.
I am trying to get over this barrier myself. I have passed up a
lot of men of other races than my own (black) because of family and
social pressures. The household and general environment in which I
was raised was not very tolerant of diversity. Moreover, in general,
I do not think my city is very accepting of interracial romances,
particularly those between black women and white men. Now that I am
in my late twenties, I regret making those choices when I was
younger. However, I do not think I will make that error again. Be
true to yourself. If you love him, hopefully your friends and family
will see that love and come around.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
M.J., Detroit, MI
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
R161: Why is rap music dominated by black artists?
POSTED APRIL 8, 1998
Brendon S., 21, white male
<snellb5883@uni.edu>
Cedar Falls, IA
ANSWER 1:
Because, just like Jazz, the blues, Gospel and rhythm and
blues, black people invented it based on their own life
experiences.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Sara S., Oakland, CA
To respond
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