Race/Ethnicity
Questions 271-280
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THE
QUESTION:
R280: Do other African-American fans of the Spice Girls
bristle at the notion of Mel B. being nicknamed "Scary Spice" while
the other, white Spices have innocuous names, such as "Ginger Spice"
for Geri?
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Z.T.K, 32, black, Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
Scary spice is just a nickname, which I am almost certain
she chose for herself because of her "wild hair." I don't think we
have to make everything a racial issue.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
Ify, black
<ifebigh77@hotmail.com>,
Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
I have no problem with any of the Spice Girl names,
including Scary Spice. I feel she made that choice. I don't think it
has anything to do with her race.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
Cheryl B., 22, African-American female
<CherylB4U@AOL.COM>,
Memphis, TN
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The Spice girls are from England, where racial differences
are not as big of a deal as in the United States. I heard that the
nickname of "Scary" was because "Mel" (I didn't even know her real
name) was very blunt and didn't hold anything back when she spoke,
and this was scary. It sounded reasonable to me.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Jas, black
<themoas@aol.com>,
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
The Spice Girls were all nicknamed by the British press.
The names were meant to be insults. The girls turned the tables and
used them to their benefit. Scary Spice's nickname was in reference
to her hair. Yes, I am offended by that. Her hair is not any wilder
or scarier than any other black girl's hair. Many white people I've
encountered have been fascinated by my hair. Sometimes we get
questions like, "Do you wash it?" One girl from Eastern Europe used
to poke me in the head every time she saw me because she wanted to
know what my hair felt like. Also, I've been to Britain. They have
many of the same racial hangups as Americans do, but because of their
reserved, polite manner, you must dig deeper to find them.
POSTED MAY 29, 1998
Denise, 26, black, Bronx, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Yes, that miffs me, because underlying it all, I think the
name "Scary Spice" or "Wild Spice" has some racial undertones. As you
probably know, in American history the terms scary and wild have
often been used to describe black people's hair or general nature.
And yes, it peeves me to see that the other "Spice Girls" have cute
and demure names like "Ginger" and "Baby" and "Posh." Why does Mel B.
have to be "wild" or "scary"? She doesn't seem like it to me. I think
she should just go by "Mel B."
POSTED DEC. 7, 1998
Mel B., 27, black female, Detroit, MI
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R279: Has anyone else ever noticed that people of different
races smell different when they sweat? If so, how would you describe
the different odors?
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
S., South Carolina
ANSWER 1:
I don't think the smell has anything to do with race. It
has to do with diet. Certain foods give off particular odors through
the skin. If, for example, people of the same race eat similar foods,
they most likely will have a similar odor permeating through their
skin. But I have not noticed any differences in the "smell of sweat"
between races.
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
Jas, black
<themoas@aol.com>,
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
Thanks for responding. First of all, I was talking about
the sweat of clean people, which is not necessarily unpleasant. Dirty
people smell bad regardless of race. Secondly, I have noticed these
differences. Some white people have a "cinnamon" smell. I noticed
this in Copenhagen, where this smell seemed even to exist in the tap
water! It seems to be more prevalent among sedentary types, who might
be a little overweight (perhaps due to alcohol?). I think many black
people have an astringent, ammonia-type smell, especially when it
gets humid. This is not particularly offensive, it is just "there."
(White people with "BO" smell infinitely worse!) I wonder if people
smell different when they are in their homelands (whites in Europe,
blacks in Afriica, etc.). Maybe it is just my imagination, but when I
have been in Europe, the air pressure feels "right" to me and it is
even easier for me to breathe. Could North American climate, native
to neither whites nor blacks, create different sweat odors?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
S., white, S.C.
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R278: I've gotten in trouble with people for using the word
"Oriental" to describe Asians, but I'd like to know why a person from
China would be considered Asian, while those from, say, India,
Bangladesh or Russia aren't.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
Scott H., 19, white
<scotthaile@mailexcite.com>,
Irving, TX
ANSWER 1:
I am an Asian American and don't like people calling me
Oriental because they have no clue where I am from or are trying to
be polite. Asians are stereotyped as having yellow skin, slanted eyes
or being short, but most Russians, Indians and Middle Eastern
countries do not meet this criteria. It's the same concept with
America. People from the United States are called Americans, while
people from Canada are Canadians, people from Mexico are Mexicans,
and people from South America are called by their respective
countries. Why? Because that's the way people have learned to accept
it.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
L.B., 25, Asian, drberk@jps.net, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
Oriental refers to a style of furniture, not a description
of a certain ethnic group. In reference to India, Bangladesh and
Russia, those countries consist of different types of ethnic
groups.
POSTED JUNE 14, 1998
Noire, 24, African American
<Noire@black.com>,
Atlanta, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
With regard to the word "oriental," it's not intrinsically
offensive, but then neither is the word "negro." We call each other
names society deems acceptable, and sometimes certain words pass out
of this realm. As for the second half of your question, I've always
called Indians, Bangladeshis and others Asians (or South Asians) and
never thought twice about it. Russians can either be Europeans or
Eurasians, depending on your preference. Labels aren't set in
stone.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Ray, 24, Asian
<yangban@erols.com>,
Washington, DC
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R277: I have seen many stories on Dateline, 48 Hours, etc.
pertaining to a "race war" that is supposed to take place in the 21st
Century. There have even been hidden cameras taken into camps where
Causcasian Americans are getting ready to fight or kill African
Americans. Are these images worth worrying about? And what does the
U.S. government have to counteract something like this?
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Cheryl B., 22, African-American female
<CherylB4U@AOL.COM>,Memphis,
TN
ANSWER 1:
I think this is something worth worrying about, and I
would not expect the U.S. government to do anything. This same
government, along with others, didn't do anything about the massacre
of our African brothers and sisters in Rwanda.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
T. Spen, black female
<auset2be@aol.com>,
Largo, MD
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think images and alleged plans for a race war depicted
on TV should be taken seriously. But most of all, we should be aware
of people who are members of groups based on hatred and ignorance.
Learning about these people, as crazy as it sounds, is the only hope.
Information and knowledge are powerful tools, and we can use them
against ignorance and stereotypes attached to people of different
colors, cultures, sexual orientations or religions. This war is
already poisoning people in our country and taking advantage of those
who don't know better and refuse to see we are no different from each
other, after all.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
M.T., Hispanic female
<mcnellyt@juno.com>,
Lawton, OK
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Like T. Spen, I was appalled at the lack of action by our
government and others in the Rwandan genocide. I also agree there is
something to worry about. While the Rwandan massacre of Tutsis by
Hutus in 1994, followed by the ongoing killings of Hutus by Tutsis,
is a tribal war, not a racial one, the culture of hatred and fear is
the same. The idea of white supremacists preparing for a race
war/massacre of black people here in the United States is terrifying
to me, as are similar stories I've seen regarding a second holocaust
of the Jews.
I tend to believe, despite some doubts, that our government, with
its investment in authority and its huge military resources, would
not allow such things to occur. The Branch Davidian and Freedmen
standoffs indicate there's only so far "fringe" groups are allowed to
go before being shut down. Will there have to be a tragedy before
they realize these people aren't just exercising their right to free
speech? I can only maintain hope that there will not, and work to
confront and end hatred and racism when I meet it.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
Felicia, 34, white
<foloughl@n3c.com>,
Houston, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
To T. Spen: You are quick to condemn the government for
not trying to stop the inter-tribal warfare in Rwanda, but what did
you do to try to stop it? Did you write or call your
Congressman or Senator to express your feelings on what was or was
not being done to stop the killing? Until everyone is willing to get
involved to help their fellow man (or woman), no one has the right to
point fingers at others. It takes all of us to bring peace to the
world. Perhaps we should all get involved to make sure everyone has a
safe neighborhood, school and home. Peace begins at home.
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
Marsha B., 40, white female
<Treehugger@freenet.com>,
Newton, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I believe race/social wars will happen. Whites are
training, and blacks are training. Hate is a big business for both
groups. Just think, if whites loved blacks, Jesse Jackson and Al
Sharpton would be out of a job! There is a book titled Civil War
II by Thomas Chettum. I highly recommend it. I'm black and
believe the wars are coming, and I think you should worry. There are
things going on that our media will not tell you and I, such as gang
wars happening aboard U.S. aircraft carriers and the urban
pacification training being taught to UN, foreign and domestic
troops. As society deteriorates, expect more federal building
bombings. Expect more hate-related crimes from whites and blacks.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
John, black, San Fransisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I feel that the media have been for the past several years
trying to drum up a race war. This may have started some time ago,
but I've only been keeping tabs for a few years. First, look at the
attention that the Rodney King fiasco got, and the subsequent riots
and beating of that white truck driver. Then the media's (and
Clinton's) going on and on about church burnings when in fact 1) An
equal number of white churches were being burned, 2) It was not just
a Southern thing, and 3) In about a third of all cases, it turned out
to be insurance fraud on the part of pastors, who had dwindling
congregations. (Walter Williams wrote a brilliant article about this
some time ago.) Then look at the media's reaction to the O.J. Simpson
verdict: Portraying whites as frustrated and blacks as overjoyed at
the outcome. This creates an attitude of us vs. them and leads
fearful and easily manipulated people to react (by joining hate
groups, militias, gangs, etc.). This creates more news, which sells
more papers and more advertisements. You see where I'm going with
this? The threat of such a race war is more powerful than a race war
ever could be.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Bill, 25, white
<Bill@Perkins.net>,
Charlotte, NC
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R276: Why do some white people try to act, look and talk like
black people?
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Michael L., 35, white, Nashville, TN
ANSWER 1:
It could be that the person was raised in a predominantly
black area and took on the behavior from his environment. Or it could
be that this person really admires black culture. Imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery. Or possibly this person is living in a
black area and just wants to be part of the neighborhood. (When in
Rome, do as the Romans do.) Or maybe the people he wants to be
friends happen to be black and he feels it will help him be accepted
if he tries to act the way they do.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Colette, white
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>,
Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
It depends on whether they have only black friends, and
also if they grew up and attended school in a predominantly black
school or neighbourhood. Have you ever heard, "If you can't beat
them, join them"?
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Ify
<ifebigh77@hotmail.com>,
Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think they are just trying to fit in with the group they
want to be part of. I wouldn't hold it against them, just as I
wouldn't hold it against a black woman from the ghetto who is used to
speaking Ebonics from acting properly in a corporate office setting.
You have to adjust to your environment if you want to succeed in it.
How would the person you describe be treated if she didn't change to
suit the situation? Most likely the slang being used would be lost on
her, and she would not know what to say or do.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Jim J., 32, white, Atlanta, GA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R275: I went to lunch with a white female co-worker recently,
and as we were walking on the sidewalk, a young black man came
walking up behind us. He abruptly went around, smiling back at us.
Later, my co-worker mentioned that she grabbed her purse because he
was coming up on her (which he wasn't). You could clearly see he was
working; he had tools with him. I am black, and this angered me a
lot. Do white women think black men want to rob or rape them? What's
to be afraid of, since criminals come in all races, genders, etc.?
Help me understand. Also, should I politely mention something to her
about that stereotype?
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
TSpen <auset2be@aol.com>,
Largo, MD
ANSWER 1:
Since you were going out to lunch together, I am pretty
sure your co-worker felt somewhat safe being with you, even though a
black man was approaching her. Although you could tell he was working
and you were not threatened by him, she probably was somewhat afraid.
Don't be so quick to judge her. Maybe she had a bad experience in the
past. Was it because he was black that she was afraid, or was it that
he was "young"? We can be too quick to make everything racial when
it's just being smart. I would politely ask her what it was about
"that" young man that made her defensive. If it was his color, then
it's time to educate her.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Jas, black
<themoas@aol.com>,
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
Did she tell you she grabbed her purse only because he was
black? I am very suspicious of people in general, men specifically,
and when I see a man of any race approaching me, I immediately put up
my guard. Also, if she has been a victim of a crime by a black man,
she may be afraid of him. It's not logical, but crime victims
sometimes but the blame on the group the criminal belonged to. I
think most white women are aware that no race is any more likely to
commit a crime. I would bring up the incident and ask her if there
was anything about the man that made her suspicious. If it was
because he was black, she may not be aware of it.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
S. Shea, white female, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I'm black, and when I see black teenagers approaching me,
I cross the street. I value my life. There are blacks who, for
whatever reason, do not respect life. Same with whites. If I'm in an
area where I do not know people, I am always on guard, no matter the
race of the people around me. I also take notice of the image people
are trying to project. If you dress like a skinhead, I will treat you
like a skinhead. If you dress like a gang-banger, I will treat you
like a gang-banger. Being careful or scared for your life is a
healthy thing. Sure, you might hurt the other person's feelings, but
I would rather do that than have my life ended in a sidewalk
gutter.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
John, black, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
To TSpen: Be careful before jumping to conclusions. I was
once coming back from the campus library late at night, walking
quickly and looking as unapproachable as possible for my own safety.
I passed a black student who looked at me and said, "Don't worry
about it." It made me feel terrible. I was a woman out alone at
night, and I adopted an attitude to protect myself. It was in no way
related to the color of his skin. It felt terrible to be accused of
racism in this manner. And yes, I had had a previous encounter with a
white male, which made me even more nervous about being out
alone.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Kirstin C., 23, white, Redwood City, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
It depends on personal experience. I have had my purse
stolen twice, both times by young black men. Therefore, common sense
dictates that in the future I will be wary of my personal well-being
and belongings around young black men. Not all of them, of course,
but ones who act like the ones who stole my belongings. If I was
robbed twice by 70-year-old white hippies, I would probably grab my
purse and watch carefully as old white hippies passed by. It just so
happens I was robbed by black guys.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Erika, 25, white
<nuerika@yahoo.com>,
Chicago, IL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R274: Why are African-American children featured on television
commercials usually very light-skinned with long, curly hair?
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Cheryl B., 22, African-American female
<CherylB4u@AOL. com>,
Memphis, TN
ANSWER 1:
I'm not sure this is the norm anymore. In fact, more the
opposite is true. My evidence comes from my experiences as a
television commercial actor in the late '70s and early '80s, when
this was beginning to change. I'm brown-skinned and found a lot of
difficulty getting work after '88. Tune in Soul Train and watch the
ads to see if I'm wrong.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Elliott, 44, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
Advertisers think lighter-skinned, wavy-haired children
are more acceptable, to black and white potential customers. They
don't want to exclude black folks' dollars, but they don't want their
products to be identified as "black" products, either, or white folks
won't buy them. If we black folks are honest with ourselves, we will
admit that we sometimes treat the lighter-skinned, light-eyed,
long-haired children of ours better than our dark-skinned,
brown-eyed, African-haired ones. One reason, I believe, that many
black men marry white women, is that they don't want dark-skinned
children. We can't expect Wall Street to do any better than that if
we can't.
POSTED JULY 22, 1998
E. Daniel, 42, black female, Kansas City , MO
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The creators of these commercials are overwhelmingly white
and, depending on when and where these programs and commercials run,
the viewers probably are as well (there are, after all, more whites
in America than blacks). So, the creators try to find the most
"palatable" blacks they can find, blacks who look the least
"offensive," blacks who look more like them, to put the viewers at
ease. White producers feel these lighter, fairer-haired blacks look
"friendlier" to white audiences. Darker blacks are usually relegated
to the role of the sneaky best friend or criminals. Blame the
producers. As for whether this strategy works, just read some of the
questions on this site to see its subliminal effects.
POSTED JULY 28, 1998
K. Green, 30, African American
<KennyG9@yahoo.com>,
Chicago, IL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R273: Can black students offer their theory on why their
scores on standardized tests are generally lower than white and Asian
scores? I've heard many theories, including culture (black students
who study hard are accused of "acting white," etc.), unequal
educational facilities and expectations by teachers.
POSTED MAY 15, 1998
Tom J.
<tomj@hotmail.com>,Lawton,
OK
ANSWER 1:
Tests such as the SAT are generally flawed and do not
accommodate African-American students. Many of the questions favor
well-off children. Family income is the best way to determine whether
a student will score well, not race.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
Kara, African American, Japan
FURTHER NOTICE:
These groups have better means to prepare their kids. They
can afford private tutors or classes, whereas many black families may
not have the means to do so. I prepared with a book and also a free
SAT prep class. It was free, so you can imagine the class was pretty
full and not very individualized. I did OK, but I it would take some
money and proper schooling before I could obtain the scores of whites
or Asians. However, there are many black students who score just as
high on those tests.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
T. Spen, black female
<auset2be@aol.com>,
Largo, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Black students tend to do less well on SATs and ACTs
because many of the school districts in the larger urban areas, for
whatever the reason, just aren't getting the job done.
I don't buy the idea that standardized tests are culturally
biased. If the SAT and ACT were IQ tests, which are supposed
to measure a person's potential to learn, that would be one thing,
but the point of the SAT is to measure what you have or at least
should've learned in school. What's the point of attending a
school if when you leave you don't possess any more knowledge than
you went in with?
Just last year, I heard of a case of a young girl who graduated as
her high school's valedictorian and had an athletic scholarship, but
couldn't attend the college offering the scholarship because she
didn't pass the SAT. I don't blame the student or the test, I blame
the sad excuse of a school that failed to give even its best student
an adequate education.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
Jay B., 38, black male,
<jayboyd@ameritech.net>,
Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
In my opinion, culture and education are more a factor
than race. I went to a predominantly white school dedicated to
optional children. The teachers were great and I learned a lot from
that experience. But my siblings went to a predominantly black school
where there was little taught that would pertain to standardized
tests. My siblings and I have the same parents and grew up in the
same household, but because of our different educational backgrounds,
we have made very different scores on aptitude and standardized
tests. So race has nothing to do with why scores are worse for
African-American students. My sister and brother are very smart, but
because of the school they attended, their grades on standardized
tests do not reflect it.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
Cheryl B., 22, African-American female
<CherylB4@AOL.COM>,
Memphis, TN
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I don't think an individual's economic disposition has
anything to do with his or her test scores. I am from Nigeria, and
most of my friends had outstanding scores ion their SATs, and they
did not have the required SAT books most American kids are fortunate
to afford. If an individual wants to excel in anything, the key is to
work very, very hard. Excuses should not be made for people who do
not want to excel.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Ify, black girl
<ifebigh77@hotmail.com.>,
Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I don't think economic factors are why blacks fair poorer
than Asians. I am an Asian male, and when I was preparing for the
SAT, I did not take special prep courses or buy expensive books. All
I got was a $19 book. I put in lots of hard work and time. You don't
need a lot of money, or any at all. No matter which city you live in,
the local library will have many books on the SAT. I did not come
from the top schools in the city. My brother, who went to one of the
top schools in the country, scored lower than I did, so where you go
to school also matters little. I think people should stop the
misconception that Asians have more money for education or push their
children harder. It's all in the individual's ambition. It's true
that the SAT does not measure one's IQ, but it does measure one's
ambition to learn, and that's reason enough to let those who score
better into the better colleges.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
L.B., 25, Asian, drberk@jps.net, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
To Ify: Poverty does make a difference in education in
America. Schools in poor areas have trouble hiring qualified
teachers. Teachers can often make more money elsewhere, or don't want
to live in a poor area. Also, poor children often don't have a parent
available to help them learn their homework, as poor people (and
especially single parents) often have to work extremely long hours to
make enough money to survive, and even when they are home, may not
have the time or energy left, or the education themselves, to help
their children learn anything. That's another reason teachers won't
stay in poor areas - they end up having to teach children things they
should be learning at home from their parents, like manners and
hygiene, rather than what they are supposed to be teaching. How well
would you do on a history test if your history teacher had to spend
all your class time teaching you to wash your face, wear clean
underwear and eat with a fork?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Colette, white, inkwolf@earthlink.net, Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I agree with Colette. Children who come from poor
neighborhoods are not genetically inferior. If a child goes to a
school in a poor neighborhood, chances are they are not learning what
they should to prepare for a standardized test such as the SAT. How
can you say a child shouldn't make excuses and to study really hard
if they are being taught subjects to prepare them for low-skill jobs
instead of college? I read a book by David Kozol called Savage
Inequalities that discusses this problem. Not only that, I have a
cousin who went to such a school. It used second-hand textbooks, and
the teachers, he says, did not expect their students to go on to
higher education. Why would blame the student for failure to achieve
in this situation?
POSTED JUNE 23, 1998
Katherine, Richmond, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
To Ify: Part of it is economic, part of it is cultural
racism. I went to all-white elite college prep schools and lived in
all-black upper middle class neighborhoods. I had SAT tutors, but
still my performance was "average" - I have come to find out that I
am a very average standardized test taker, no matter what the test
is. However, I also know that I perform excellently on
non-standardized tests, etc., like essays. That being said, part of
the problem is some people aren't good at taking tests. Part of the
problem is economics - preparation is key. Many children who go to
schools in urban communities have to deal with a lot of
extra-academic activities that are going around in their communities.
Add to that underfunding of schools, overcrowding and lack of
technology, and you have lack of preparation. Imagine if I had gone
to an underfunded urban school - I probably would have performed less
than average on my tests, seeing that I'm average to begin with.
Moreover, many of today's parents just don't emphasize education
enough in the home. If they did, we wouldn't have such mediocrity in
the schools that we are paying for with our tax dollars. And finally,
who are these tests written by? Usually whites. And in America, what
is important to blacks and whites, say historically, isn't
necessarily the same. An interesting fact that I have heard is that
many black children perform well in math and science on standardized
tests. Why? because math and science are universal. One last point: I
noticed that you are from Nigeria. I don't mean to assume anything
about your particular background, but many of the Africans I have
come into contact with on the collegiate level (since we are talking
about the SAT here) have been educated in their home countries in the
"finest" (British white, or other colonialists) of traditions -
learning the King's English, and so forth. That is much different
from being educated in America's racially and economically segregated
public schools.
POSTED DEC. 9, 1998
Mel B., black female, Detroit, MI
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R272: I am an Israeli and have never had a chance to talk with
Arabs. I would like to know from an Arab: What do you really think of
Israelis?
POSTED MAY 15, 1998
Maya, 23, student, Tel Aviv, Israel
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R271: I plan to go through medical school within the next two
to three years. I am without a mate and am afraid that if I meet and
marry someone who is not African American, I will be looked upon as a
typical "brotha" who made it and then shunned his "sistas," when that
would not be the case at all. Should I make extra efforts to be with
a woman of color, or should finding true love in any form be my No. 1
priority?
POSTED MAY 15, 1998
Traye O., 24, African American
<doctraye@aol.com>,
Seattle, WA
ANSWER 1:
I think love is color-blind. Choosing someone because they
are of a particular ethnic or religious background is detrimental to
the pursuit of true happiness. I have found that not limiting my
spousal selection to my racial backround has been the best decision
of my life. I think it might be in your best interests to ask
yourself if you are strong enough to deal with the prejudice that you
need to face with someone outside of your ethnic background. But
remember, if you are true to your heart, then dating someone of a
different ethnic or religious background won't be selling out.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
T. Jazz
<tmjast@hotmail.com>,
Morioka, Iwate, Japan
FURTHER NOTICE:
Finding true love is your priority. However, it seems you
already have it in your mind that you will not find a black woman. If
you want a "sista" you will find one, but if you choose to date or
marry outside of your race, there will be plenty of choices,
especially as a black doctor. Statistics show that interracial dating
and marriages are on the rise dramatically, especially among black
men and white women.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
T. Spen, black female
<auset2be@aol.com>,
Largo, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Assuming that you don't have any negative perceptions
about black women, why be concerned with the views of people who
would make such petty, superficial judgments without knowing anything
about you? If you're lucky enough to find a special someone who finds
you special, too, passing them up because of what other people will
think sounds like a mistake to me!
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Jay B., black male
<jayboyd@ameritech.net>,
Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
It sounds like you have already made up your mind about
whom you choose to date. But for now, why don't you just concentrate
on finishing your degree?
POSTED MARCH 11, 1999
K., black female, Viirginia Beach, VA
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