Race/Ethnicity
Questions 281-290
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THE QUESTION:
R290: What is the intent and meaning when an African American
calls a woman "little momma"?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Paul S., 69, white
<tropiccov@att.net>,
Ocala, FL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R289: Why do many white people seem to have an unlimited realm
of understanding when someone white does something criminal, but at
the sight of a black person's face at doing the very same thing, an
outright panic seems to occur? For example, two white men here in
Tallahassee recently were discussing teens and crime. They spoke of
the new "super-predator, but then referred to all the white boys who
had taken people out with machine guns at schools across the country
this year as a "tragedy, a sign that there is severe miscommunication
in our society." Do whites only recognize humanity when it is one of
them acting human?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Mulani R.,
<mulani@rocketmail.com>,
Tallahassee, FL
ANSWER 1:
There is no excuse for anyone committing crimes like the
ones you mentioned. Different people try to make different excuses
for abhorrent behavior like this. Guns are not to blame, society is
not to blame, etc. The bottom line is that there are bad kids of all
races. I do not have any compassion for a hoodlum who kills anybody.
If you stop watching the people on the evening news, and ask some
other white people, I suspect you will get a similar answer.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Mark B., 33, white male, upppbeat@aol.com, San Clemente, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am white and agree with the questioner. I think there
are too many people "babying" criminals. I think the problem with
this society is the lack of God and lack of the "rod." Everybody
wants to feel good and feel sorry, and that gives bad people the
"right" to do as they please. It doesn't matter what color they are,
wrong is wrong and bad is bad. But just as I am irritated at the
assumption that "a black man did it," I am also angry with black
people who use their race as a crutch. There is still discrimination
in this country, but reverse discrimination is sneaking up now. There
is a happy medium, and we all have to be willing to look for it.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Fireteamld, Fireteamld@aol.com, San Clemente, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
We are not all the same. Please don't judge us all by a
few. I know exactly what you mean. I have a habit of pointing out
things like this to white people when I hear it, and they think I am
a liberal nut. I believe we should stop speaking in terms of color
and teach our children to do the same. We should be saying things
like, "...the man in the red shirt" instead of "...the black
man in the red shirt." If we try to do this, the world will heal
much faster.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Tammy, 39, white female, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Your question has a great deal of validity. Unfortunately,
we have "evolved" into a "feel-good" society in which many people
don't want to face some of the brutal realities of the behavior in
both children and adults. A perfect example of where this has led us
is the recent horrible dragging-death incident in Texas. I am a white
man and would have no problem seeing those guys get executed in the
most horrible and painful way possible, preferably by the same means
in which they committed the murder. Racism has no place in my world
or country. The only important colors are those on the flag.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Tim T., 29, white
<t2drj@earthlink.net>,
Corona, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R288: Why is it considered "divisive" when Americans who are
Asian, black or Hispanic refer to themselves as ____-American, while
whites who do the same - i.e. Irish-American, Polish-American,
Italian-American, Arab-American, etc. - are rarely questioned?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Jay B., black male
<jayboyd@ameritech.net>,
Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
Two-part answer: 1) Tradition - when most new immigrants
were Euros, they used the national division to differentiate among
themselves and lay claim to certain privilege or national tradition.
That's why you don't get people saying "European-Americans." 2)
Psychological need for pigeon-holing: Minorities have been
sufficiently pigeon-holed with "xxx-American," but Euros as the
majority need to be subdivided. It is the mind's need to
categorize.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
thsmith, 28, Euro, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
The terms "African-American" or "Hispanic-American" are
usually applied by the mass media (print and video) to label
participants in political events. I've never heard of an Italian-,
Irish-, Polish-, etc. American group trying to accomplish anything
other than a bar-b-que, dance or car wash. They are not groups
intended to accomplish political change, so they generate no
resentment from other groups..
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
James F., 31
<fairfiej@mail.ci.tlh.fl.us>,
Tallahassee, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
First, it's divisive because groups such as Hispanics and
Africans tend to use it to set themselves apart, emphasizing the
hyphen and not the American. Second, Arab-Americans I know not only
do not consider themselves white, they often make bigoted statements
about white and black Americans (blacks especially seem to be getting
the worst of all worlds; in my experience, immigrants hate blacks
more than native-born European Americans). I hope this somewhat
answers your question.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
M.D., Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I haven't encountered too many of these people that you
(original questioner) reference. Furthermore, I can't recall the last
time I read a news article that referred to someone as Irish-,
Polish- or Italian-American. I have read many articles, though, that
use African-American. I would guess some of these people who have
been referenced as African-American were possibly of Jamaican
descent. Also, what if we began referring to whites as
Anglo-Americans? Would this be acceptable?
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Jim J., 32, Atlanta, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Because many white Americans are a mixture of many
backgrounds, I feel they simply consider themselves "white" and
"American." For example I am Irish, German, French and Dutch. I don't
necessarily identify myself as an Irish-American, because I'm a
mixture. Therefore, I don't feel I can claim to be anything but an
American. I think some white-Americans feel people claiming to be
anything other than plain "American" are segregationists trying to
separate themselves from "white" America.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
A.V. Aguilar, Sballwench@aol.com, San Diego, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
As a white female, I have never heard of anyone of Irish,
German or Polish background using that term before "American." If
they did, I would wonder why, and think, who cares? What kind of a
point are they trying to make? Do they think they are special because
they are Irish or German? Why not just say American?
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
J. Gomez, Riverside, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The same tradition that applies to European Americans
seems to apply to Asian Americans. Few Japanese I know of, including
my wife, refer to themselves as Asian American, rather Japanese
American. The same is true of Chinese Americans, though some
distinguish further by referring to themselves as American Born
Chinese. (American Born Japanese refer to themselves by the Japanese
words: Nisei (second generation), sansei (third), etc. As for our
other fellow Americans, African and Hispanic, given the historical
circumstances, it's a bit more difficult for them to be specific. I
suppose that's why Alex Haley's Roots was so popular. Hmmm ...
since the original message of this thread was about the possible
divisiveness of hyphenated names, I wonder if I were to refer to
myself as Iroquois American, would that be divisive?
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
Ron G., 59, goze@webgalaxy.com, Encinitas, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Whites may not identify themselves as xxx-American, but at
least here in the Northeast we often specify our ethnicity. However,
we don't use the "American" part of the term. We refer to ourselves
(and are referred to) as "Irish," "Yankee" (= descendant of
17th-century English settlers), Italian, Lebanese, etc. This is true
even if our families have been here for many generations. Recently
there has been some confusion here in Boston about how to distinguish
between the long-established "Irish" and newly arrived Irish
immigrants - the former tend to consider themselves the "real" Irish,
and the immigrants the "foreign" Irish! I was amazed when living in
California to find that many white people didn't even know their
ethnicity, though I could often identify it myself by their last
names or looks (involuntarily; it's a habit). The only force working
against ethnic identification here is intermarriage - some people are
by now so mixed as to find listing their ethnic groups a burden,
though it is common to have someone state, for example, that he is
3/4 Irish and 1/4 Italian, especially if he has an Italian surname
and doesn't look Italian.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Karen C., 58, 3/4 WASP, 1/4 Irish, Boston, MA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R287: Back in the early to mid-'60s, when I was an undergrad
in college, I had many black friends, and they often used the term
"splib" as a reference to other blacks. I remembered that term a
while ago and now wonder about it. Is it still in use? If so, is its
use determined by the generation of the user? How did the term come
to be used?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
PRow <prnole@aol.com>,
Tallahassee, FL
ANSWER 1:
I'm black and in my mid-forties. I've never heard the
term. It's definitely not in use today as far as I know. I suspect it
was used regionally, much like blacks in Boston during the late '60s
and early '70s used to affectionately refer to each other as "homes,"
as in "What's up homes." "Homes," by the way, was short for "home
brew" or "home slice." The current, widely used version of this
vernacular is "homie," as in "He's my homie," i.e. friend.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
Elliott, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R286: Two questions: 1) In what ways are people who are not
descendants of slave-owners benefiting from slavery? 2) If the
results of slavery have benefited society in general, rather than
only the descendants of slave owners, why aren't all Americans
equally "guilty by association," regardless of race or color?
POSTED MAY 25, 1998
C., Wisconsin
ANSWER 1:
No one except slave owners benefited from slaves, and no
one who might have somehow benefited from having a former ancestor
who owned slaves is guilty. They did not make the choice, and I'm
sure if they have benefited, they don't know how they have.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
L.C., 15, white male, lord_chaos_1@hotmail.com, VT
FURTHER NOTICE:
Even though slavery ended 133 years ago, there were many
who benefited from it directly and more indirectly today, even though
their ancestors did not own slaves or directly participate in the
slave trade. Crops like tobacco, cotton, rice and sugar were grown on
Southern plantations. However, those goods were processed mainly in
plants in the North. At that time, many immigrants from western
Europe, as well as American-born whites, worked in those factories.
The sugar, cloth and tobacco products were sold to European nations.
It was a total economic system that was in large part based on the
exploitation of blacks. To answer the second question, this system
benefited the white community by and large. After slavery, blacks
were kept out of the system by law and/or practice. The same can be
said for Native Americans, Latinosand Asian Americans. The laws did
not change until the 1960s.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Kyron W., 28, black, kwilliam@cennas.nhmfl.gov, Tallahassee, FL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R285: I am a 29-year-old single black father. Why do many
people display surprise or admiration at my relationship with my
daughter? Is is that they may think black men don�t want or need a
relationship with their children?
POSTED MAY 25, 1998
Joseph T., 29, black male
<Nile0099@aol.com>,
Seattle, Wash.
ANSWER 1:
I am black and 26 and have a 10-month-old son. The only
thing I can say is that the love between you and your child is the
most important thing in the world - it doesn`t matter what people say
or think.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Iirozh, 26, black
<firozh@wxs.nl>, The
Netherlands
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think many people are misled by the media. I wrote a
paper in college on the number of black men who are the primary
caretakers of their children. The numbers would surprise many. I am
the mother of two biracial children. Although I am divorced from
their farther, he pays child support above the state guidelines and
sends them an allowance and gifts. He is a generous, caring father.
My ex-husband would take our children in a minute. I have met many
black male single parents; they care passionately about the welfare
of their children and frequently put aside their own dreams to
further the goals of their children. The media likes to focus on the
negative.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Lorraine. B, 41, white female
<BRITTinFL@aol.com>,
Panama City, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am a married white woman (33) who works full-time while
my husband (34) stays home with our two children (five-year-old boy
and three-year-old girl). He is also the target of open displays of
surprise and admiration. He is usually the only father at play group,
at the co-op preschool, at the park, etc. Unfortunately, our society
and culture have yet to accept seeing the primary caregiver role move
away from the mother. Day care providers, grandparents, foster
parents, etc., also received the type of sentiment you are feeling. I
teach parenting groups on weekends that are open to all caregivers,
and very few fathers attend. Be proud you are part of helping our
society see that children should be cared for by whomever can love
and support them, regardless of that relationship.
POSTED JUNE 2, 1998
S. Norris, sfnorris@msn.com, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
People are surprised about your status as an involved
father because it's so unusual. Depending on where you get your
statistics, as many as 75 percent of black children have no father in
the home. Welfare has replaced the father in far too many homes. I
admire you for what you are doing. In my business, I have hired about
60 black females who had at least one child, and only one has ever
been married.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Rick, 45, male, adoptive parent, bmt_man@hotmail.com, Perry, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I don't think it has anything to do with you being black
or white. It's just very rare to see a father who lovingly,
completely supports their child alone. It's very admirable.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Kristy, 25, Grapape@webtv.net, Sun City, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
No one can deny that a disproportionate number of black
men abandon their families compared to other racial groups. It's not
fair for white people to act surprised that you're taking care of
your daughter, but I think you should be more upset with the legions
of your brothers who are neglecting their responsibilities. Iirozh
(above) is right: It doesn't matter what people say or think, what
matters is doing the right thing by your daughter.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Greg, white, grp@asu.edu, Phoenix, AZ
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I've worked a number of years in a primarily black
neighborhood and have noticed the lack of adult men in the family
structure. Some of those I worked with who were not married admitted
to having children by different women. I generally blame the lack of
married black men on welfare payments being available only to women
who do not have working spouses. Seeing a responsible black father
seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
John A., 51, white, Anaheim, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Some people get envious of what they can't have with their
own children. Hang in there, the relationship you invest in today
will pay greatly down the road.
JUNE 4, 1998
Blake, 34, white male, child of single parent, San Diego County,
CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I too am a single father with two children. The difference
is that I am perceived as white, so I don't think ethnicity is an
issue. I do perceive media hype as part of the issue. Too often, men
are portrayed as "deadbeat, child-support dodging, sex-driven pigs."
Granted, there are males who fit this description, but is that really
the norm? I love my children and had full custody until they were old
enough to clean up after themselves, at which time their mother came
back, fought for custody and won (she was their biological mother).
So what was I? Also, while I had custody, she never paid her child
support, missed visitation and was abusive when she did visit.
Anyway, continue to love your children and give them all the
attention they need, regardless of the reactions you receive.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
Steve N., 40, blaster7@hotmail.com, Dallas, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I am black, 54 and the father of two boys. A typical black
home is not seen with a participating father figure. We see and hear
more about black homes with absent father figures than represents the
truth. In my opinion, black men care about their children, as you do
for your daughter. But your relationship does not fit the stereotype
of black fathers. Outside the black arena, our homes are seen as
having women as heads of the household. Welfare, economics in the
black community (few jobs for black males) and other circumstances
contribute to this distortion of male family participation. Then
you show up, and you are outside the paradigm. People don't
like or understand things outside of their boxes. You are now
"different" from the rest, when in fact you are more like the rest.
They just never heard of the rest of us who are like you. Just keep
doing your job of shocking reality into the stereotype.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
W.J., 53, black male, father of two, Edmond, OK
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
Most of the black men I come in contact with are at work,
and they seem to brag about their sexual appetite without the thought
of the creation of a child. The data show that black males don't, in
general, support so-called family traditions. The females tend to be
the nurturers, and there are no black males around to help support
the family financially.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Whiteman, Windyknights@prodigy.com, Riverside, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I am a white male, and I also might respond with surprise
at your relationship with your daughter. This is because
statistically, in the United States, there are a large number of
black men who don't stay around after the baby is born.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
W. Moeur, 41, white, San Jose, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
To Joseph T.: Unfortunately, you are experiencing the
results of years of what people have seen on the news, in movies and
on TV and other media, of black males running away from
responsibility. Therefore, when people see you as a loving parent,
you become an anomaly to them. But with more positive images in the
media today, someday you will be seen as being just like everyone
else: As a great parent or a neglectful one.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
E. Mallett, 46, black, Fullerton, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
To Joseph T.: You're right. I work in the media, and my
field does consciously and subconsciously focus on the negative. It
is ridiculous to think black men usually abandon their children. Some
do and some don't. I'm a Latino male, and if you look into various
ethnicities, you will see that the topic of deadbeat dads is an
age-old problem that crosses many color lines. The media just seems
to think the topic of black deadbeat dads, in general, has more mass
appeal in discussions.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Ed P., 23, Latino, San Diego, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 14:
As a woman who raised a child to adulthood by myself, I
have had a long time to observe the way people react. I think most
people are surprised that any man, white, black or any other race,
has a close relationship with their child when they do not live in
the same household. I don't know whether that is because the distance
makes it hard to maintain the relationship, or that many men were
raised in such a way they have a hard time expressing feelings and
making the effort to maintain the contact. Raising a child is very
hard work and requires a lot of investment - money, time and effort -
effort most of all. I read a sentiment one time about the
parent/child relationship that sums it up for me: A child is a piece
of your heart walking around outside of you.
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
White female, 46, gvppd@micro.com, Kansas City, MO
FURTHER NOTICE 15:
You probably receive the response you do for two reasons:
First, the conventional wisdom in our society is that men are
incapable of caring for children (look at how male characters have
been traditionally portrayed on prime time television comedies, i.e.
Tim Allen, as incompetent). Second, it also perceived (and it may be
true) that it is more common in America for a black father to be
absent while their child is maturing than fathers of other races.
Regardless of the reason, I agree with Answer 1: Your children are
what is important.
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
Dave F., anon162@hotmail.com,Wichita, KS
FURTHER NOTICE 16:
I can offer this theory as to why people are surprised at
seeing a black man with/raising his child/children: The media (TV,
magazines, news, etc). People have been conditioned to believe that
not many, if any at all, black men are there for their children. You
always hear about black single mothers and absentee fathers. There
are men of all races who probably do not spend time with, support or
help raise their children, but we are force-fed to believe it is only
black men who are not there for their families. It's everywhere, for
those who do not believe this. So when people see you, they think it
is unusual. However, it is not. You are a parent who is showing love
to your child, and just happen to be black and a man.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
TSpen, 26, African-American, female, auset2be@aol.com, Largo, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 17:
As a 50-year-old white mother, I go all gooey at the sight
of any parent and child who seem to have a good relationship, and
given the opportunity, I try to compliment the parent. I think
parents who are doing things right deserve encouragement.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
C.G., 50, white, Dallas, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 18:
I don't have any experience as a father, but I know racism
and it sucks. I believe it is because America is still racist. I
really don't mean to sound rude, but I think black men are always
thought of as people who should be in gangs or out mugging somebody.
Racism is a big issue, and unfortunately I believe it will always be
a big issue. Sorry, but I'd rather not leave the city I live in.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
L.C., 15, white male, lord_chaos_1@hotmail.com, VT
FURTHER NOTICE 19:
I am a working mother of two with a husband who isn't
often around. I am a teacher in the public schools. The school I work
at is 44 percent black, 40 percent Hispanic,12 percent Asian, three
percent white and one percent "other." I've been here eight years.
The school is in a predominantly low-income area.
At our school, it is unusual to find fathers very involved with
their children, regardless of race. But it is noticeable that fathers
of black children are involved even less, and mostly nonexistent. Our
Asian parents, by far, seem the most involved, but they are a small
percentage of our population. Actually, with almost every family,
it's the moms who seem to be the ones involved most with the
children. But many of our kids are being raised by grandparents. Only
on rare occasions will we be in contact with a dad or both parents
when calling home or having conferences, open houses, etc. When we do
get a dad, it sometimes surprises me, but always warms my heart in a
special way to see daddy involved with the kids.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
M. Jackson, Long Beach, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 20:
I think some young black men are more concerned with the
idea of having sex than with the responsibilities that go along with
it. People look at you because it's not very often that you see a
black man taking on his responsibilities and being a father.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Marie, black female, Savannah, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 21:
The majority of the time the child-rearing "duties" fall
on the mother. Rarely do fathers have sole custody of their children.
For a black man to have sole custody or to have a close relationship
with his children is foreign to most people. Sadly, there is a large
portion of young black children being raised solely by their mothers.
You will continue to get comments of surprise from people. I just
want you to know the best sound in the world to hear is when your
daughter tells someone, "He's my dad." Not all kids can say that! A
note to S. Norris: I know it's hard for your husband to "reverse"
roles in today's society, where men are judged by what jobs they
hold, but I wanted to point out that I have found many fathers don't
participate in their children's activities. In after-school sports, I
find that mothers are the main parent bringing their kids to
basketball, football, soccer and baseball games. At weekend "kiddie"
parties, I find mostly mothers bring their children. Many times I am
the only father at some of my kids' functions.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Jas, black
<themoas@aol.com>,
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 22:
I think it may be a surprise to most people that a man
(regardless of race) is the primary (or only) caregiver to a child.
Knowing many women who have never had a relationship with their
fathers, and being such a woman myself, of course I find it
surprising - it is completely foreign to me. Also, our society is
geared to think of a woman as the sole or primary caregiver of
children. On the issue of race, we hear time and time again in the
media (from white and black sources) of many black children growing
up without a relationship with their father, or without any positive
father-figure in their lives. Whether this is more true for blacks
than whites I don't know - but it is implied by the media. Perhaps
it's more admiration than surprise you are hearing from people (and
this being a society so bereft of people to admire, that may manifest
itself as surprise).
POSTED JULY 22, 1998
Amber, 26, white, Las Vegas, NV
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R284: Why do people in Spain consider killing a bull exciting
and enjoyable?
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
Lisa D.
<lisamcc19@worldnet.att.net>,
Oakland, CA
ANSWER 1:
We just returned from living in Spain for two years, and
during that time refused to attend a bull fight. I heard all the
tributes and accolades as to the great respect and admiration for the
bull, etc., but I still feel it is a cruel form of entertainment. Yet
Americans enjoy watching two men beat each other's brains out in a
ring and call it a great sport. I don't see a difference between the
two - other than one always ends in a quick death, the other much
more slowly.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
LLC, San Diego, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
If you really want an in-depth look at the cultural
mystique of Spanish bullfighting, I suggest a book, I'll Dress You
in Mourning, which is a biography of one of Spain's great
fighters, El Cordobes. It provided me with a better understanding.
You may find it hard to locate. I read it in the early '70s.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Linda B., white, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Not all Spanish people feel bullfighting is exciting or
enjoyable, and there are those actively against it, but for those,
myself included, who view it as enjoyable - we view it as an art and
not as a sport. In fact, some Spanish people find American football
violent. It all depends on the culture by which you were raised.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
S.C.V.
<carricos@usa.net>,
Valencia, Spain
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R283: With few opportunities over the years to experiment, I
often wonder: Do black people who have thick lips kiss better, or
more enjoyably, than people with thin lips? In other words, is it
more fun to have more lip?
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
H.B.G., 55, white male
<hbgrant@netins.net>,
Ames, IA
ANSWER 1:
No, more lip is not more fun than less lip. I have kissed
men with thick lips and thin lips. The chemistry between the people
involved determines how enjoyable a kiss is, not the size of the
lips.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Sunshine, black female, Alexis5692@aol.com, Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
As a matter of fact, it is. I have fairly narrow lips for
a black person, but I've kissed my share of large-lipped women. I
don't think I ever consciously thought about lip size. However, there
is more movement and manipulation with women whose lips are larger. A
lot of fun.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
Elliott, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am a 35-year-old black man with nice, full lips. I have
always been told I was a great kisser, by both black and white women.
Most told me it was because my lips were so full.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Paul, black male, pb63@bellsouth.net, Memphis, TN
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Many people, regardless of race, have thick lips. The
question of whether thick lips are more enjoyable is more of a
personal preference. I am attracted to thick lips, no matter what the
person's ethnic/racial mix, and tend to enjoy them more when kissing.
It seems to be a greater sensation, probably because there's more
surface area. But being a good kisser doesn't require having thick
lips.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Rob, 33, gay white male, Miami, FL
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
R282: Why do white people spend so much money trying to get
their skin to look like black people's, even though they don't want
the problems we have to deal with on a daily basis?
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
D. Green, black, Des Moines, IA
ANSWER 1:
If I remember correctly, the issue of Caucasians and
tanning originated in the 1920s, with tanning becoming known as a
sign of affluence and wealth. Before that it was just the opposite:
The only folks with sunburned skinned had to work a farm and those
with leisure and affluence were normally pale. In the 1920s people
with leisure time (wealth and prosperity) started in with leisure
outdoor activities, and thus the tan was known as a sign of
wealth.
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
Joe B., 34, white
<joegen@cris.com>,
Tallahassee, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
To Joe: That was in the '20s, as you say. Are you saying that that is
still the reason some whites put so much emphasis on getting a tan
today?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Lorick, blackcherrie@yahoo.com, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Living in Florida, I work on my "Minnesota" tan: Skin cancer is a
real threat in my family, and I have not been into tanning since I
was a teen. Even then, it was something that happened because we went
to the beach during the summer to escape the New York heat. Not too
many people I know are into getting a tan; maybe it's just a Florida
thing.
POSTED SEPT. 7, 1998
Jackie, 46, white
<hockeyrat@hotmail.com>,
West Palm Beach, FL
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
R281: I work at a magazine. If I have a photograph in front of
me of someone I don't know and am on the phone with that person, is
it OK, in verifying the identity of that person, to ask if he/she is
white, black or Asian (just as I might ask if their hair color is
black, red or blonde to make sure I am speaking to the person at
whose photo I am looking)? Or, do people feel most people might be
uncomfortable with that kind of descriptive information?
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
R.W., New York, NY
ANSWER 1:
I'd feel uncomfortable if you asked me to identify my
race, unless you had a specific reason for doing so. Say, for
example, you were casting a black character for a movie, and I didn't
sound typically "black" over the phone. To do otherwise without
explanation might indicate the possibility for discriminatory
behavior to someone who's been victimized by it in the past.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Elliott, 44, black male, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
To respond
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