Race/Ethnicity
Questions 291-300
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THE QUESTION:
R300: Why are black women more comfortable being big women,
whereas white women feel they must be "Cindy Crawford" thin?
POSTED JUNE 2, 1998
Jenifer N., 19, white, Panama City, FL
ANSWER 1:
In my African-American family, there are people of all
shapes and sizes. Fat, tall, short, thin. No one teases anyone else;
no one dismisses anyone else's looks, either. We just accept each
other and get on with it, which is cool, 'cause when my family
gathers for family or holiday events, there's always good food and no
one skimps on the eating. We feel comfortable enough to eat until
we're full. We have a good time, and there's a lot of love and
honesty in my family. There are other things more important than
looks.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Raya, 21, African American, Hampton, VA
FURTHER NOTICE:
A lot of black women like being slim, and I happen to be
one of them. Most whites have the image of "Barbie" to be compared
with, and black women are not compared to any perfect cartoon image.
Thank goodness, because it makes a lot of black women very confident
about their bodies.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Ify, black girl
<ifebigh77@hotmail.com>,
Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Cindy, I've been what you refer to as "big" since I was
12. I'm a mother and grandmother, and life has taught me that when
one is caught up in the shallowness of outer appearance, much of
life's beauty is missed. It is healthy to love yourself no matter
what you look like. Because when it's all said and done, the outer
shall pass away. Think about it. Is the contribution you (in the
collective sense) want to make to humankind contingent upon being
"big" or "Cindy Crawford"? I love myself, and I choose to find myself
content in whatever size my physical body is. Why? Because I know
it's not how you look on the outside that really counts. As a
blessed, confident, beautiful and happy person I feel that "thin may
be in, but fats is where it's at; nothing but a dog wants a bone."
Also, in many indigenous African cultures, it is believed that the
fatter the woman, the better taken care of she is by her husband.
Seriously, once you learn to love yourself, age, race, size or
perception of beauty doesn't matter.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Drea, 46, African living in America
<momidrea@hotmail.com>,
Atlanta, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I think white women feel they have to be thin because they
feel it is what men expect from them. On the other hand, I think
black women are expected to be voluminous, so they do not feel, in
general, they must be thin.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Chrissy, 19, white female,
<Thebooger@aol.com>, Las
Vegas, NV
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Black women have grown up in a culture in which weight is
the last thing to worry about. Taking care of the family, making sure
there is enough to eat, finding a job/man, keeping a job/man, etc.
are just a few of the priorities in our lives. We have also grown up
with plus-size female relatives who have demonstrated success in
their personal and professional lives. Lastly, most black men like a
woman with a little meat on her.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Kim, black female
<john0101@earthlink.net>,
Phoenix, AZ
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
As as full-figured black woman, I think we are more
comfortable with our sizes - although not all black women are big -
because we don't buy into the standards that are always saying a
person must look a certain way. I plan to run a marathon. I know for
me, I would like to shed pounds, but love who I am no matter what or
anyone thinks. White women, and women in general, are constantly
being told they have to be thin or they are not beautiful, sexy,
etc., whereas blacks have always accepted larger-sized women. It's
all about confidence. And remember, just because you are big, it
doesn't necessarily mean you're not healthy.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
T. Spen, 26, African-American female
<auset2be@aol.com>,
Largo, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
As Oprah Winfrey's constant struggles have shown, many
black women are very uncomfortable being big. However, there are two
answers to your question: 1) Our body type, which is genetic, and 2)
Our diet - which is self-explanatory. Our body type (bottom-heavy,
big hips and thighs and narrow waists) leads many non-blacks to
believe we are sedentary or "comfortable," when actually we are just
shaped differently. In our Eurocentric, black women's genetic traits
are criticized as "fat," "ugly" and "unseemly." Many black women
struggle their whole lives trying to be "Cindy Crawford"-like, not
because she is their idol, but because they want their beauty to be
recognized as an American ideal - just like Cindy Crawford.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
L. Holland, black, 31
<loriholl@pacbell.net>,
Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
My wife is very black and is a fitness fanatic. She works
out at least 10 hours a week. Many of her friends do the same. I feel
some black women are very confident about themselves, and realize
they must overcome many obstacles that are larger than a waistline.
Possibly, genetics may be a factor as well. Although it is possible,
why should a woman be overly concerned with altering hereditary
factors that many men find attractive? It has been my experience that
many white females in the Midwest and deep South are not nearly as
obsessed with their measurements as white women in California and
Florida. Why? In America we have about 35 million black people. Is it
realistic to assume the majority of that number are all the same?
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
SouthLaCa, 29, black male, South Central Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I don't think black women are comfortable being large, but
that it is more of a combination of genetics and control. I am a
black woman in my late forties and am overweight. I have tried for
years to fight the obesity, but it has been a struggle. Obesity runs
in my family. Also, all black people do not have the financial means
to hire private exercise people and go to spas. When you add stresses
of the work world and several other factors, it's no wonder we black
women find it so hard to be "thin."
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Annie
<peaches@digitalexo.com>,
Greenwood, Fl
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R299: Why is it that Americans seem to have an impression that
French people are rude and hate Americans?
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
E.W., French male, Portland, OR
ANSWER 1:
The American impression that the French are rude or
dislike us is a tribute to inductive reasoning: It takes but a couple
of such references to create a conceptual image that soon seems real.
For me, the references came from two sources: My high school French
teacher and a friend who had traveled to France. Both gave the clear
impression that the French were intolerant of foreigners in general
and found Americans in particular distasteful. This is an interesting
question for me to reflect on, because while I feel French people
dislike Americans, I have never been to France, and the only French
people I have ever met have been friendly and agreeable.
POSTED MAY 29, 1998
Doug H, 45, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
As an American woman of French descent, I speak French and
spend my summers living there. In general, French people are more
direct than Americans, dispensing with the sugar-coating of any
information, and rarely feel personally attacked by reciprocated
directness. In general, they are not taught to "make nice," or smile
at strangers, as we are here in America. This directness is often
mistaken for "rudeness."
The French don't hate Americans, but they do resent the many
visitors who assume the superiority of America and never consider the
long history and many achievements of France. Regarding the "Ugly
American" stereotype: Unfortunately, many stereotypes have a basis in
truth. I have frequently witnessed Americans barging into shops and
assuming the employees spoke English. They didn't politely inquire if
anyone did; they just assumed. They also assume that American money
is the only "real" money. The bottom line: This American "chauvinism"
can be annoying to the French.
POSTED MAY 29, 1998
Karla O. 42, karlaober@aol.com", Long Beach, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
My parents traveled to France about eight years ago. All
they could talk about upon their return was how poorly they were
treated by the French. Unfortunately, actions speak louder than
words, and now my only opinion is the same as theirs.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Ted D., Sacramento, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I don't know about other Americans, but my impression of
the French being rude comes from a trip my wife and I made to Paris
about 10 years ago. Even though we did meet a few friendly people, I
would have to say many more were rude and very impatient with us. For
example, my wife attempted to use her high school French on a few
locals and was more or less told to "don't bother trying, just stick
to English." I could go on, but basically I think French people have
gotten a reputation for being rude because people like me have spread
the word about their bad experiences with the French. To be fair, I
think some of what we criticize the French for may be just cultural
differences in how we deal with people, especially strangers. Perhaps
the blunt and aloof attitudes I sensed were not intentional acts of
hostility but something else. Maybe it's just Parisians being normal
big city folk and giving the rest of you a bad name.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Cliff B., 44, Yorktown, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I've been to France twice in the past few years. When I
turned to someone on the street, asking for directions (in English) I
would most of the time be ignored or get the feeling the person
didn't really want to help me, unless I pronounced the street name
with a French accent (which I can do since I've studied French). The
basic feeling I've got is that French people (the ones I've met) are
very impatient with the English language. This may be because of a
lack of knowledge of it. I think this might be the reason English
speakers might feel French people dislike them.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Efrat N., Jerusalem, Israel
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I have felt the French people's rudeness and arrogance
firsthand on a trip I took to Tahiti, which of course is
French-controlled. We flew on a French airline, and the attendants
were very rude. The native people of Tahiti were by far friendlier
than the French who occupied the island. I am not sure if we were
treated the way we were because we were Americans, or if the French
are just rude and arrogant by nature. Even the French we encountered
on the ground at the airports were very unfriendly.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Dan, Hd74Ci@aol.com, Eugene, OR
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
It's due to differences in etiquette and culture:
Americans do things French people consider rude, and French people do
things Americans think are rude. I recommend the book French or
Foe by Polly Platt. It's about the cultural and etiquette
differences Americans face when in France (especially Paris). The
author is also working on a version for the French to help them cope
with Americans.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Colette, American, inkwolf@earthlink.net, Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
This is a perception that was more or less a given for
both cultures until recently. I visited France twice last year, and
two times before in the '70s. I recall reading a newspaper article
several months ago that stated that the French, especially Parisians,
had come a long way in changing their behavior toward foreigners,
especially Americans. I believe it was a program initiated by the
government, giving this perception some official sanction. I've not
had negative experiences with the French, but I can sympathize with
them. American tourists can be pretty boorish, in somewhat the same
way Americans tend to depict Australians in popular culture. The
vestiges of monarchy and royalty might yet still influence French
culture and behavior to some degree, something that makes Americans
uncomfortable.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
D. Moore, 46, getriodm@flash.net, Aptos, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
Because that is how they are treated by the French. I
visited friends in France and found that when people found out I was
American, they treated me very rudely. I am not very extroverted and
do not tend to stand out, as some Americans do when in foreign
countries. In France there is an attitude of superiority. I try to
treat people as individuals.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Tim B., Carson City, NV
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I have lived in most of the states from California to
Florida, and I was surprised by your question. I have never
encountered that feeling anywhere. I took French in college because I
had always been told it is the most beautiful language. People I have
met seem to believe France and French people are romantic and
sexy.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
E.J., 53, female, Ft. Myers, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
I think it's because Parisians (not the French in total)
seem to have a somewhat smug attitude and maybe a less-than-tolerant
view of tourists; many people then, by erroneous extension, believe
all French share the same traits. It's really just the less-travelled
who probably feel that way; everyone I know who's ever visited the
French countryside was completely enchanted. And by the way,
Caribbean islands of French sovereignty are absolutely delightful,
and arguably the best by far of all the islands in that area.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Cindy M., white, German roots, 47, islnd2sm@jps.net, Lake Forest,
CA
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
My staff and I do employment and educational verifications
worldwide. Most people we call (if we don't speak the language) will
go out of their way to attempt to help us. I have called several
French universities (where to attend you must have taken English
classes), and they will speak French only and hang up on me, rather
than attempt to help, if I speak English. If you don't believe me,
call the Registrar's Office at Universite Claude Bernard in Lyon and
try speaking English only.
POSTED JUNE 14, 1998
K. Fremin, Temecula, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
I've visited Paris and the surrounding countryside twice
in my life. My husband and I found a large part of the French people
in Paris to be extremely impatient and rude to tourists in general. I
do not speak much French, but I do speak Spanish. I believe part of
the intolerance exhibited by the Parisians is that American tourists
rarely speak a second language. I would haltingly ask something in
French and they would respond, very haughtily and impatiently, "No!"
As they were turning away, I would ask in Spanish. They would stop in
surprise, turn to me and be much more polite. Almost every European
country requires its students learn a second language. America is
barbaric compared to Japan, France, etc. in this regard. Maybe that's
where some of their intolerance comes from.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
M.C.T., 38,white, teacher, mother, Long Beach, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
The happiest time of my life was my Junior Year abroad at
the University of Paris. Yes, the French are very different from
Americans, but it's a complementary difference. We excel at
commercial values; the French have greater respect for intellect and
esthetic than any people I've met. Yes, the French are rude, but they
are among themselves even moreso than with Americans (it's the
English they really dislike). If you can return insults, it becomes
something of a sport. One such encounter: In le Havre one Sunday, the
restaurants were closed, and I was traveling with two English guys in
1967. We went into a bar, and while I was asking the bartender about
sandwiches, one of the English guys opened the ice cream freezer to
see what kinds of packaged snacks were inside. The bartender turned
mean and yelled for him to stop, then added, "Nous nous foutons de
vous les etrangers!" ("We don't give a f... about you foreigners!")
Purely by inspiration, I shouted back, "Sans nos peres, vous
parleriez l'allemand!" ("Without our fathers you'd be speaking
German.") We left feeling quite pleased with the incident, and my
French friends have always liked the story, because the bartender was
a type they recognized and of course opposed, personally and
politically.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Jerry C.,
<colburnj@sprynet.com>,
Laguna Beach, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 14:
Being a Canadian who has lived in the United Kingdom, and
whose sister-in-law is from Bordeaux, my experiences tell me it is
not only the French who dislike Americans. You see it everywhere.
There is a stereotype about Americans that they are arrogant (a
stereotype perpetuated by a select few on their trips there). Indeed,
I have heard from American students travelling there who put Maple
Leafs on their bags so that people assumed they were Canadian (who
have the stereotype of being polite). The first time I was in Paris,
I was in a store where a couple, in their Texas drawl, were demanding
to be talked to in English - and they were quite rude about it. The
employees were insulting them in French. The couple left, and we, in
our stammering French, tried to ask for help, and the employee turned
around and simply spoke to us in English. The impression I had was
that as the American couple did not even make the attempt to learn a
few phrases in French, that they were treated with the same disregard
they showed.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Richard K.
<farmer@urbancow.com>,
Edmonton, Alberta
FURTHER NOTICE 15:
I was born and raised Cajun in South Louisiana. I have a
very strong French family history. My father's family's first
language was French - his father never did speak English. My maternal
grandparents spoke French, but they did not pass this on to my
mother's generation. I was exposed to the French language, but by no
means am fluent. I know few words. Before my visit to France, I made
an attempt to learn vital phrases so I could try to speak their
language. While there, I spoke as much French as I could (not much).
I never went into a shop or restaurant speaking English, as though
they should speak my language. I always greeted others in
French. They could usually tell I was not French and would ask, "Do
you speak French ?" I would answer, in French, "A very little bit."
In most cases, the person would then begin speaking in English,
grateful that I had tried to conform to their ways. I found the
French to be very friendly and courteous - from janitors in Metro
stations to clerks at prestigious department stores. Just as if you
worked in a store in New York City and someone walked in speaking
French and expecting you to understand them perfectly, they are
understandably "put-out" when we do the same to them.
POSTED AUG. 10, 1998
N. Arceneaux, 30, Cajun
<nan@danan.com>,
Lawrenceville, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 16:
In general, Europeans tend to be more cognizant of
multi-cultural and regional issues than Americans, who are generally
not as exposed to them. I have seen the indifference with which
Americans treat others when abroad. They often seem not to understand
"why everyone doesn't understand English," so they talk louder and
slower. I feel that it is this "divine right" attitude of many
Americans abroad that the French generally respond to. In French, the
phrase "vous etes americain," meaning "You're American!", is used in
a derisive or insulting way to imply insensitivity, unreasonable
excess or impudence. The French are different, but so are the
Germans, the Italians, the Polish, the Mexicans, etc. Being different
doen't make them wrong any more than it makes us right. Those who
make attempts to embrace the culture, learn a little about the people
and are sincere, will find themselves warmly welcomed. When in Rome .
. .
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
Mark G., white male
<mgwerks@bigfoot.com>,
San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 17:
I have traveled in France on three occasions and have been
treated extraordinarily well, both in Paris and in smaller cities and
towns. Although I do not speak the language very well, I found that
any attempt to communicate in French, even if it was just a simple
greeting, invariably brought a polite and friendly response (often in
English). Even at home in Canada, where French-English relations are
very strained, I have encountered few problems. It is my experience
that the people of every nation appreciate it when visitors respect
and acknowledge their native culture, language and sovereignty.
Perhaps the tourists who have the most problems with "rude
foreigners" are those who have forgotten to be polite guests.
POSTED NOV. 13, 1998
Patricia M., 41, Regina, Saskatchewan,Canada
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R298: Is it true that Asian people with almond-shaped eyes
have a harder time seeing? It appears to me that many of them wear
glasses.
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
Tiana S.
<FuzyWuzzy5@aol.com>,
Northridge, CA
ANSWER 1:
Contact lenses may have picked up with Asian Americans,
but not necessarily Asian nationals. There are probably just as many
nearsighted whites as Asians, but more whites wear contacts, so you
never notice it. Also, the Asian culture does not take wearing
glasses as cosmetically negative. There is no "nerd" complex with
wearing glasses in my culture. If you look at it that way, you'll
realize that Asians wear glasses more often, but not because they're
"different" or have a harder time seeing.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
David L., Chinese-American, Chicago, IL
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am Asian with almond-shaped eyes, and I can see pretty
well, though I do wear glasses. Remember, we see through our pupils
and so need only enough space to allow light, not necessarily field
of view. I have heard the Asian stereotype about glasses and bucked
teeth, but I have straight teeth and never had braces. I always feel
self-conscious about carrying a camera around my neck, though. ;) I
believe it is an exception for any human not to have corrective
eyewear. Of all my non-Asian friends, all have or should have
glasses. My friends without glasses don't see as well as I do with
glasses.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Todd H., 37, Japanese American
<thoida@cisco.com>,
Fountain Valley, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Many Asians wear glasses, but on closer examination, it's
those folks who have gone through the more intense education systems
who tend to end up wearing glasses (Japan and Korea, for example). On
the other hand, my Japanese wife doesn't wear glasses, while I have
to.
Ron G.
<goze@webgalaxy.com>,
Encinitas, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Ask yourself: Why do a lot of white people with brown hair
need braces for their teeth? In other words, there's no connection.
The most probable reason for why a lot of Asians need glasses is
because they study so hard and their eyes go bad. Either that or they
watch a disproportionate amount of TV. Take your pick.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Ray, 24, Asian
<yangban@erols.com>,
Washington, DC
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
In my case, it's genetic. Both my parents have bad eyes,
and neither went to college. My sister and I both had our eyes go bad
around third grade. I hate studying. So does my sister. In college, I
rarely studied for more than three hours in a week. My mind was more
focused on music, so reading sheet music may have contributed.
POSTED AUG. 12, 1998
Jerome, 25, Japanese-American, Clinton Township, MI
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R297: Why do some black people have thick lips while others do
not? Was this some kind of genetic adaptation?
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
L. Samsom
<Wiedo@nettally.com>,
Quincy, FL
ANSWER 1:
No, it's just a reflection of the diversity present within
certain ethnic groups, as well as within this country.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Elliott, 44, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R296: I have always heard that black people are extremely
family-oriented and especially nurturing toward their children.
However, I have noticed that black mothers seem to react in a violent
manner toward their children for the slightest misbehaviors. These
particular mothers seem to think nothing of hauling off and slapping
their children. Why this incongruity?
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
Lissa S. <lissa@aol.com>,
Havana, FL
ANSWER 1:
I work in a junior college in the Stockton, Calif., area.
I am in charge of 2,500 disadvantaged (both economically and
educationally) students. I would say more than half the parents are
black, single, head-of-household parents. I have noticed that the
black mothers seem to correct, scold, yell, etc. more at their
children than the other mothers (Southeast Asian, Spanish, Latino,
white, etc.). We have a lot of mothers of all races come into our
office, and I have one strict rule, no yelling at the kids. I've
noticed an increase, unfortunately, with the black mothers. I'm
afraid to admit it, but unfortunately in San Joaquin County they are
usually on the bottom of the AFDC award list when it comes to
financial aid, scholarships, cash awards and the like. They are
frustrated and angry, and I can't blame them.
But when you sit back and watch these mothers as I have, they show
more love and compassion (yes, even when being overly strict) than I
ever see the "white mothers" show. They just seem to ignore their
kids. The Asian children seem to be afraid (almost like they are
always in submission), and I havn't figured out the Latino mothers
yet. But I can honestly say that of the black mothers I have dealt
with, they have had to be mother, father and grandparents in a
society that really doesn't care about them. I think it has to do
with the fact they want their kids to act better in public than the
rest.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1996
Kristy, Manteca, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I hope you are not lumping all black mothers into this
scenario. I am a black mother of two sons, and I don't believe in
slapping any child, but I do believe in spanking. Discipline is
missing in our society today, and that is one of the reasons our
children are running wild. I don't know what to tell you about why
black people are more nurturing and family-oriented, as you say. I
only know that my family is the most important thing in the world to
me. Maybe one reason is that black women nurtured and basically
raised white children during slavery and afterward so that the
master's wife could do other things. I don't know.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
BlackCherrie, blackcherrie@yahoo.com, Jacksonville, FL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R295: Are many black Americans able to trace their ancestry
back to descendants who were held in slavery?
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
C. Fuhrman, 25, white
<cfuhrman@gencom.net>,
Tallahassee, FL
ANSWER 1:
It is very difficult for the descendents of slaves to
trace their ancestry because a) records of slave owners about their
slaves were destroyed, or b) no records were kept about the slaves
one owned. Stories such as Alex Haley's Roots are very rare
and admirable, because he was lucky enough to find records of his
ancestors. Many of us aren't so lucky.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Kara, African American, Japan
FURTHER NOTICE:
Yes, blacks can trace their history back to slavery and
before then, acknowledging their origin in Africa. Classes/seminars
are or used to be offered at the National Archives in Washington,
D.C., because my mom and I were interested in our history.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
T. Spen, black female
<ts1nzinga@aol.com>,
Largo, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Slavery ended 143 years ago, which isn't such a long time
- only six or seven generations. I can trace a few family members to
slavery in South Carolina and Jamaica.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Andrew W., 22, black, Davis, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R294: Why do many young white girls (12 to 17) act "black"? I
see girls every day who try to imitate mannerisms and language of the
uneducated sector of the black community. Their slang and laziness of
vocabulary is insulting, not only to me as a white woman, but to
educated, intelligent black friends of mine who don't understand.
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
April, 24, white female, Tallahassee, FL
ANSWER 1:
First, understand that your "educated intelligent black
friends" are peeing on your shoes and telling you it's raining. They
are hardly insulted by a culture very familiar to them. Rather, they
hide their relativity to gain your acceptance. Sounds like they're
pretty good at it. The white girls you speak of are probably doing
this out of admiration for the unique quality of black
colloquialisms. Try to understand that there is nothing lazy about
this type of language usage. It's just another way we Americans
manipulate and therefore help evolve the English language.
POSTED MAY 29, 1998
Elliott, 44, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
How can you determine whether this part of the black
community they try to imitate is "uneducated"? I know many
intelligent African Americans who speak the way these girls may be
trying to imitate. I am not sure I would necessarily call it "slang."
Words like "jazz" and "OK" have certainly made it into mainstream
America. Maybe it's just different to you.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Kara, African American, Japan
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
People, particularly children, tend to mimic the culture
around them. In this instance it is what they see on prime time
television: A fun, upbeat, stylish patois with all the connotations
of poverty, poor education and "low class" laundered out. Years ago,
we had Flip Wilson's "The devil made me do it!", except we said, "Da
debbil may me do it!" Then came the ubiquitous "Say baby,
whass-a-happen-in!" Today, every 3- and 4-year-old in America can
give the "high sign." Also, our black cultural icons (comedy, sports,
music, television and movie stars) are often seen in roles using
these speech mannerisms. Much of this is very, very humorous and
very, very appealing. (Think: Eddie Murphy.) It is a natural thing to
emulate when in casual situations with one's peers. It's a way of
having fun, being "cool" and expanding one's identity.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Sue B., Camarillo, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
To Elliot: Your statement is based on an assumption that
makes me and a lot of other black people crazy: That we all think
alike. It may be true that many white girls act "black" out of
admiration or a desire to be accepted by the people in their
environment, white and black. However, as a black woman, I happen to
find this form of slang insulting. Wait, I'm wrong, it isn't the
slang itself that bothers me. It bothers me when people are incapable
of using proper English (yes, there is such a thing). It bothers me
that a lot of the kids I know who use this slang have limited
themselves to a world of rap music and droopy pants. It bothers me
that adults who should know better are telling them this is right and
proper. When I look at and listen to these kids, it bothers me to
know they will not be comfortable in the world of suits and business
lunches. It bothers me that the rest of the world may leave them
behind because too many people seem to be falling over themselves to
make them feel good about where they are right now, instead of
helping them to grow.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Maya, 23, Black
<mayajs@aol.com>,
Fairfield, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I disagree with Elliot. This behavior is not indicative of
black society, and it does not ring with familiarity for those who
are educated. The reason for the actions is that it makes these teen
girls feel more familiar with those who they surround themselves with
- the uneducated, the ones who are not attempting to mingle with the
upper classes of blacks. It's a choice they make, and it's a part of
growing up.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Apryl P., black
<apryl@mail-me.com>, Oak
Park, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
This behavior is not limited to teenage girls. I think it
is more common in young boys. It is another way teenagers act
rebellious to get attention. They think it makes them seem tough or
streetwise.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Chris P., 32, white male, Chino Hills, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I find it interesting that Elliot "knows" what black women
are thinking, i.e. he knows they are "peeing on your shoes." How can
he know these woman are familiar with the black lingo, or that they
aren't turned off by it and are lying to their white friend? As for
the teenage girls, they could be speaking out of admiration, out of a
desire to annoy their parents or because they were raised in that
culture.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Robie, lesbian, multi-ethnic, Ithaca, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
To Elliott: Why is it that cultural differences disallow
the questioner from believing her friends, yet these same cultural
differences don't restrict your ability to speculate on the actions
of the white children in question?
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Chris P.
<cedesigns@earthlinnk.net>,
Chino Hills, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I am a 23-year-old black female and can honestly say I
have never succumbed to the use of such slang. I was surrounded by it
at school but never by my parents or family. I have never understood
a word of it. Don't believe a word of what Elliott (above) he says.
I'm not saying it's not a part of black culture, but I am saying that
not all blacks are familiar with it.
POSTED AUG. 1, 1998
Kala, 23, black, Alexandria, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Why do kids do anything? To "validate their
individuality," try something different, possibly just to irritate
their parents or for some other reason. I would just them. Whatever
the reason, the practice will pass.
POSTED OCT. 30, 1998
L.W., 50, white male
<woody141@hotmail.com>,
Los Angeles, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R293: Although there seems to have been a noticeable increase
in the number of white male/black female relationships in the United
States, why do white men still appear to be reluctant to initiate
relationships with black women?
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
V.B., black (mixed) female
<Alexis5692@aol.com>,
Miami, FL
ANSWER 1:
I am a white male and have never dated a black woman. I
have been attracted to black women many times, but have never come
across one interested in dating me. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I've
always gotten the impression there are a lot of black men who like
white women, but that most black women are opposed to interracial
relationships. Spike Lee, for instance, has noted that white
audiences had no problem watching Denzel Washington kiss white
actress Milla Jovavich in his latest movie, but black women were
outraged by it. Again, I shouldn't over-generalize, but my sense has
always been that most black women want a black man.
POSTED JUNE 19, 1998
Astorian
<astorian@aol.com>,
Austin, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I'm black-mixed and have also noticed that black women
want only black men. I think it's because they and black men have
struggled through slavery and civil rights, so they feel that to
"step out" on their men would be a slap in the face after all they
have been through together. That is funny, because black men
obviously do not feel the same. Black women need not limit themselves
to black males, because (as I know) great men come in all colors.
POSTED AUG. 1, 1998
Sylena, 20, multi-racial, Randolph, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
It's not that most black women want a black man; I think
it's about fear and safety. Many black women feel society might see
them as being prostitutes if they're out with a white man (I've never
had that problem). Also, many black women may be afraid of the
disapproval of their friends, and so they may feel safer with a black
man. Another issue could be that black women are afraid a white man
might see them as being lower than they. That's not my feeling, but
I've heard some black women say that.
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Lucy, black female, Bronx, NY
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R292: Why does it seem that many blacks speak clearly and with
correct English when talking one-on-one with whites, but when
speaking one-on-one with other blacks use words and phrases that, in
most instances, cannot be understood by whites?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
M. Johnson, Wewahitchka, FL
ANSWER 1:
It's all a matter of perspective and comfort level. From
the perspective of blacks, we feel we're speaking correct English
when using words and phrases readily understood by our peers. I
believe Louisiana Cajuns struggle with this, too. Since many
"blackspeak" words never make it to the white lexicon, we will adopt
the mainstream language when around whites in order to "fit in" to
the culture that rules. Eventually, some words are adopted and become
"correct English," such as "ain't," which was recently added to, I
believe, the American Heritage Dictionary, as in, "Waas dope
fa you ain't always up fa us" and vice versa!
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
Elliott, 44, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
Blacks are speaking "clearly and correct" ... to each
other. A lot of blacks in America are essentially "bilingual,"
depending on the circumstances. Some are privy to the "jive" or
"urban street" dialect of English, and some are not. Some were raised
with the Southern dialect of English (a lot of white Southerners
speak in the same fashion). Blacks speak to each other in a dialect
derivative of the community in which they were reared. A lot of
Southern slang terms or words have been preserved from slavery times,
when blacks did not have access to dictionaries, and it was against
the law to teach blacks to read or learn "proper" English. Therefore,
we developed a mixture of African dialects and Southern English
learned from slave owners.
In contempory times, blacks have continously created words and
slangs to communicate with each other, mainly because language is one
of the few dignities that cannot be taken from a person. This is one
reason rap music is thriving; many young urban blacks communicate
with each other in this fashion. When we are in our own homes and
environs, the language we speak is one we have created for ourselves.
One of the better books on the subject is by Geneva Smitherman,
titled Black Talk: Words and Phrases from the Hood to the Amen
Corner.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Mark A. black, 39, mrkinla@ucla.edu, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
All of us target our communications toward their
recipients, and signals of a common culture or background can create
a bond between people. I can also speak clearly and with correct
English, but it is nonetheless a pleasure and relief to relax into my
native Southern drawl when speaking to another Southerner.
POSTED JUNE 12, 1998
A. Morgan, 33, white, Houston
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I believe a lot of black English is maintained through
ignorance and lack of English training/education. I'm black and do
not use any form of ebonics unless I am making fun of the
sub-language. Speaking and being understood is important, no matter
the situation. Also, speaking intelligently at all times is a form of
self-respect. If the other party feels uncomfortable or insulted
because you are speaking proper, intelligent English, that is someone
you do not need in your life. Not all blacks speak in the manner you
described.
POSTED JUNE 12, 1998
John, black, San Francisco
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I'm certain white people use words and phrases,
particularily to one another, that you might not use when speaking to
black people. Words like "dude," "rad," "bitchin'" and many others
not used in my community. If you can answer why you all do that, you
can also answer why we do it.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Janet W., black, Capitol Heights, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
It isn't just black Americans who do this. I come from a
blue-collar neighborhood in New York City. I went to an intellectual
high school and an Ivy League college, so I'm well-educated and know
how to speak "properly," and how to bury my New Yawk accent. But when
I'm at home with family and friends, I relax and lower my guard. I
say "ain't" and "Lawn Gisland" just like everybody else in the
neighborhood. Even an educated person likes to relax and let his hair
down at times, and what's wrong with that? I remember, a few years
ago, when Jesse Jackson was running for President, he got into
trouble when, late at night on the campaign bus, he joked, "Are the
white people all gone? Good, let's talk black now!" I don't like
Jesse Jackson, but I could understand how he felt - all day long, he
had to wear a suit and speak articulately, and try to convey a
certain appearance. But like everybody, when the day is done, he just
wants to relax and be himself. What's wrong with that?
POSTED JUNE 19, 1998
Astorian
<astorian@aol.com>,
Austin, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I disagree with John. There is no direct correlation
between intelligence and language. In other words, just because a
person speaks "proper" English doesn't mean they are more intelligent
than a person who speaks "Ebonics." This is the primary reason many
minority children (who sometimes perform better on standardized tests
than their majority counterparts) are unduly relegated to special
education classes. You also mention that "speaking and being
understood is important, no matter the situation." Well, what if the
situation is that I am speaking with my "homeys" and their standard
English vocabulary may not be as robust as my own? Would I not then
have to speak in a manner most effective in communicating my thoughts
and feelings, even if it is in a "sub-language," as you call it? To
think of it another way, replace standard English with French and
Ebonics with German. Is the German person less intelligent for not
being able to speak fluent French?
M.T., 27, black male, Durham, NC
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R291: Why does it seem that many younger blacks have little
respect for whites, when older blacks, who lived through segregation,
are completely different in this regard?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Herb C., 69, Lehigh Acres, FL
ANSWER 1:
Younger blacks have no memory of legislated oppression.
Logically speaking, they have no reason to fear or admire whites, so
therefore, no cause to pay any respect.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
Elliott, 44, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think it's safe to say that some younger blacks, just as
younger people of almost any ethnic group, tend to have little
respect for anyone, including themselves. Just look at their videos
or listen to their music. They are who and what we adults have
created.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
V.B., 41, black female, Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Older black people have lived throught segregation and
racism, younger black people are just getting a taste of it and don't
like it, but who does? They have the right to be angry with white
people but by being angry with all white people, they are no better
than the people who picked on them because of their race.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
L.C., 15, white male, lord_chaos_1@hotmail.com, VT
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I confess to an intial knee-jerk reaction to your question
because I was wondering if you felt you deserved respect from blacks
because you were white, or older, or both. Younger blacks probably
don't "respect" white people because we have less to fear. Blacks who
grew up in segregated times lived with the very real threat of
beatings, incarceration and death at the hands of whites for minor
infractions that would be absurd today (for example, making too much
eye contact or saying too many words to a white person, especially a
white woman).
After the civil rights movement, black people evolved more of a
sense of self-awareness, political power and a bit of rebelliousness
(which is not limited to young blacks), as well as resentment at what
some blacks feel is a lopsided economic and social structure.
However, your question is very broad. Could you 1) Give a specific
instance where you felt you were disrespected by a young black
person? 2) Describe how you feel an older black person might have
reacted?, and 3) Discuss why you feel you deserved better? I would
like to know the circumstance.
For the record, many blacks your age have the same attitude about
younger folks regarding the lack of respect they seem to have for
elders. It could simply be a generational problem, not a racial
one.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Mark A., 39, black, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I believe blacks over 50 repect and value themselves far
more than blacks 35 and under. Blacks who lived during the Jim Crow
years had to pull together to overcome the ills of this society.
Blacks who were qualified for a scientific or political post were
denied them because of the color of their skin. But in this post '60s
liberal, hippie, socialist era we live in, anything goes, so
everything does. Inner-city blacks don't mind the poverty they live
in, or the gangs that hold cities hostage. Mediocrity is accepted in
the black community (if it were not accepted or tolerated, you would
not see it. Plain and simple). I will never let drug/gangstas move
into my neighborhood. I would rather die than live under black or
white oppression. Spoiling the child has led to nothing but havoc in
white and black neighborhoods.
POSTED JUNE 12, 1998
John, 31, black, San Francisco
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Although I am not old enough to have lived through
segregation, I feel that the "respect" that you think comes from
older blacks is actually fear. During slavery and segregation, most
blacks were taught through their parents, whites and society that
whites were better and deserved more respect than blacks. And actions
like not giving any eye contact, calling whites "sir" and "madam" (no
matter their ages), and doing whatever whites told them to do are not
examples of respect, but something taught to make whites feel
superior to blacks. And yes, there are young blacks who do still
respect older Americans regardless of race, position or power. Please
do not judge us (the young and black) from the few bad examples you
may have encountered.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Cheryl B, 22, African-American female, CherylB4U@AOL.COM, Memphis,
TN
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I think this is because older blacks are afraid of whites
and the younger ones aren't. Older blacks have been put in the place
of feeling inferior - which translates into respect. Younger blacks
know they are equal to whites, which translates into what you
perceive as less respect. Do you feel the older or younger blacks
need to have respect for whites in general? What about older whites
having respect for older and/or younger blacks? For that matter, what
about younger whites having respect for older whites?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Gordon D., Vancouver, B.C., Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I think that blacks who lived through segregation were not
showing "respect" for whites but fear of what whites would do to them
if they didn't behave a certain way toward them. You are an elderly
man, and I would treat you the same way I would treat my grandfather
based on age, not race. I have just as much respect for anyone who
respects me. I am young, and I don't think you mean respect in the
same way I do. What you are talking about sounds like a patronizing,
bow-and- scrape type of behavior. Young blacks don't have to kiss up
because it is not necessary anymore. Blacks in the past didn't really
have any certain respect for whites because they were white. They let
you think that in order to keep the peace for themselves. Everything
is not always what it seems. It is always easier to let a person
think they are in charge, even if they are not. For reference read
We Wear the Mask by Paul Lawrance Dunbar. It talks about how
blacks fool whites into seeing what they want to see. It was written
just after the end of slavery, therefore I would think that blacks
have felt that same way about whites for some time.
POSTED JUNE 14, 1998
Carmela 29, black
<pecola@hotmail.com>,
Atlanta, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I think you're mistaking fear for respect. My first
incounter with segregation was in the early 1950s in Mississippi. I
was 10, and was told by the local blacks, "Ya always say y'sus to de
white man." In Canton, I failed to answer a white man in that
fashion, and was beaten on the main street. I treat everyone who
deserves it with respect, but I've never forgotten that beating.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Eric, black, N.H.
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Older blacks fearing whites has nothing to do with the
modern day problem of blacks not respecting themselves or anyone
else. I'm black and I don't fear whites. I also respect whites who
are worthy of respect, and the same goes for blacks. Let me tell you
about a conversation I had with my grandparents, who were from
Louisville, KY. My grandfather was a Southern Baptist preacher - the
Rev. E.B. Dunbar. I spoke with him about the South and black life
when he was growing up, and to contrast it with the black community
of today. He and my grandmother without hesitation said the black
community of then was by far better, more wholesome, more religious,
more supportive than that of modern day black communities - even with
Jim Crow laws in effect. Modern day blacks for the most part are
political pawns, who suffer because of this. While the media and
Washington argue over who will be their savior, the community is in
spiraling decay
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Jonathan D., 31, black
<blackfu2@aol.com>, San
Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
If I could identify a group of people who are consistently
polite, even-tempered and just plain pleasant to be around, it would
be middle-aged black people who are close to their roots in the
South. They grew up in a horrible situation, where they survived by
being obedient and patient, and by staying close to their families
and churches. So now these people see a better world (most of the
time) than they grew up in, and they appreciate it - "Times are good,
at last - thank you Lord." What I feel is that people like this
"radiate goodwill." It's not servility. As for the younger folks,
they face a tough world in a very different way. To say they "don't
respect whites" is missing the point; on the street, you don't give
respect, you take it. I've sometimes seen older black people just
shake their heads. Weren't things supposed to get better?
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
John, 47, white, immigrant, Boston, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
Young African Americans do not respect whites, nor do they
respect older African Americans. One reason is that their parents
bought into the '60s philosophy and abandoned their culture. They
mistakenly thought white society had turned the corner and was headed
toward a fair and just society. Being uniquely positioned in history
(perhaps because of slavery), we can see through the various schemes
the government (dominated by white politicians) uses to subvert and
neutralize us. I am 58, work in the defense industry and still face
discrimination. I do not let racial injustices pass, but there are
only so many battles you can wage. I feel the solution is for white
society to return to its religious roots. I have been blessed with
the ability to distinguish whites who are fair from those who mean
blacks no good. The Bible has the blueprint for us.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Ed H., 58, African American
<harrier1@jhuapl.edu>,
Columbus, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
I live in Newark, N.J., and see the worst part of society
every day I walk outside my house. Respect has little to do with
color or ethnicity; it has to do with social surroundings and what
people were taught was acceptable behavior. I would say the older
generations were taught by their elders, and what you are seeing is a
breakdown of the families and a concentration of socioeconomic groups
(i.e. public housing projects) that has resulted in reinforcement of
some very nasty habits. If these populations had not been
concentrated so heavily, I think you would have seen much better
manners. Incidentally, I get the worst disrespect from white trash,
not blacks.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Dave, 27, white
<imp@intercall.com>,
Newark, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
"You must first be able to love yourself before you can
love another." These are words of wisdom we've all heard at one time
or another. It might follow that "You must first be able to respect
yourself before you can respect another." I believe black Americans
need, perhaps more than anything else, respect. Not from other
American cultures just yet, but from their own communities. It's
almost impossible to find a response from a black American that
doesn't make some reference to the agonies and oppression they or
their anscestors have endured. But anger and frustration come from
these memories, not respect. Respect can only come from the
accomplishments of the individuals who have the courage to overcome
the obstacles that life puts before all of us.
Dr. King may have meant when he said "we shall overcome" that the
black community will overcome the sometimes unbearable demands of
life, not just the cruelty of people who have no better purpose to
their lives. Build respect in your own hearts and communities by
overcoming all that works so hard to defeat you. The rest of America
is doing the same - but don't judge your progress by what they do,
judge it by what you feel inside - respect for yourselves and your
people. With this, you'll find your freedom. Everything else is of no
consequence.
POSTED AUG. 14, 1998
Hugh S., 48, white, Sanford , NC
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
I think younger blacks act disrespectful because whites do
it to them, without even realizing it. And they still hold a grudge
against them for what happened in the past. Older blacks may not act
disrespectful in front of them, but that doesn't mean they don't talk
about them when they are away, which whites might do to them as
well.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Stefanie A., 17, black female
<stefanie_17@hotmail.com>,
Seattle, WA
To respond
BACK TO TOP