Race/Ethnicity
Questions 311-320
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THE QUESTION:
R320: I am white and live in a black neighborhood. Often,
blacks walk down the middle of the street and/or double park to talk
to their friends, but then look at me as though I shouldn't have to
make them move when I drive up. Why is this?
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Doug S., Hampton, VA
ANSWER 1:
I really don't know why that happens to you, but I do not
think it has anything to do with your race. How do you react to them?
Have you ever done anything to provoke them, directly or indirectly?
I think people of all colors do that to people when they are
double-parked, talking or walking in the middle of the street.
Especially young people. I have found that if I sit and wait a few
seconds, most people will move over and let me pass. But if I start
blowing my horn or anything of that nature, I will get a negative
reaction from them, no matter what their race. Living in a
neighborhood that is predominantly not your race can be a wonderful
experience, if you allow it to be. It all depends on how you approach
the situation.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Cheryl, black female
<blackcherrie@yahoo.com>,
Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think it is because they are rude. I am black and live
in a black neighborhood. The stop-in-the-street-and-hold-up-traffic
stuff happens in my neighborhood, too. I hate it. I don't think they
are singling you out because you are white. Rude people expect
everyone to bow down to their agenda, regardless of their race. My
guess is they have little or no home training or respect for others.
I don't believe their behavior stems from being African American,
just being poorly raised by their families.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Carmela, 29, black
<pecola@hotmail.com>,
Atlanta, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I feel this is rudeness, and that it is another major
problem in the black community that cannot be pointed out without
being pilloried as a racist.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
Andy, 31, white, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
This happens to me, too, and I'm a black woman living in a
black neighborhood, so it's not because you're white. This behavior
is a manifestation of powerlessness. I didn't invent this term. Bob
Law, host of a radio talk show, did, but I think it explains this and
other behaviors, like walking really slowly across the street, as if
daring a motorist to hit them, or jumping in front of someone else in
line at McDonald's. These folks are people who, for one reason or
another, do not have self-respect, and the only way they can feel
like somebody is to make someone else wait for them. (They sure would
accuse you of "disrespecting'" them if you asked them to move,
though.) They can't make anything else positive happen in their
lives, but at least for a few moments, they have control over that
street.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
E. Daniel, black female, 42, Kansas City, MO
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THE QUESTION:
R319: It seems to me that the majority of white people in
North America are overly stuffy and stiff. Why can't they seem to
relax, both in physical posture as well as in their speech, ideals,
etc.?
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Gordon D., Vancouver, BC, Canada
ANSWER 1:
"Stuffiness" is a great social defense. It saves me
trouble. When I hear something outrageous, I can respond with my
stuffy, polite expression and a nod of my head, and avoid all the
tension, friction and confrontation that would ensue if I relaxed and
said what I really thought. Like the time the stranger on the bus was
whining to me about how unfair his prison sentence was ("Serves you
right, ya thug!"). Or the lady who constantly griped to me about how
her sons were always in trouble with the police ("I can see that
their real trouble is their mother!"). Or the new co-worker who told
me in detail about how she married a high school kid 10 years younger
than she was, who now wanted a divorce, but she would never let him
get away because he was so sexy. ("Lady, you are a total nut case!").
Millions of other times stuffiness has preserved my peace and
serenity, too. I'll stay stuffy in public - and relax at home,
laughing at everybody!
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Colette, white
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>,
Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think most whites are raised with attention to certain
mannerisms and speech. I, for one, would catch hell from my parents
if I ate with my mouth open, spoke with food in my mouth, slouched at
the table, dragged my feet when walking, used improper grammar when
speaking, etc. I believe my parents had my best interests at heart
because they gave me the specific social skills, appearance and
language strictures that allow me to interact comfortably with those
who can help me move up in the world. Do I look uncomfortable, "stiff
or stuffy" when I interact with those people? I guess I do to someone
who is not brought up the way I was. But I certainly don't feel
uncomfortable, stiff or stuffy.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
thsmith, 28, white, Los Angeles, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R318: Why do some African Americans name their children such
hard-to-pronounce and spell names? It seems to me that some of these
would be a drawback later in life, when one enters the real
world.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
Curious, Apalachicola, FL
ANSWER 1:
These names may be hard for you to pronounce, but for the
children and their parents, they are not. It's a different culture
with a different standard, and they will name their children names
you probably never heard of.
POSTED JUNE 22, 1998
Katherine, Richmond, IN
FURTHER NOTICE:
Some black people want to make their children's names as
unique as possible. In this respect, blacks aren't alone; other
ethnic groups do this, too. Keep in mind that just because you have a
hard time with someone's name doesn't mean it has less value. There
are hundreds of different languages spoken today; would you judge
someone with a Finnish or Japanese or Nigerian name differently? When
I was born, my name, while still uncommon, was much less common than
it is today. However, aside from the typical mispronunciations and
misspellings, it hasn't hindered me in the slightest. I happen to
prefer "traditional" names for my children, but that doesn't mean
someone else has to follow my preferences.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Kecia L., 33, black female, Chicago, IL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
"A good name is better than silver and gold." This adage
has a deep meaning. A name can never be a setback unless some people
out there want to make life miserable for others. My name is
Ifeyinwa, and all the people I have meet in this country find it
difficult pronouncing it, but I love my name and the meaning. I do
not believe it has been or is a setback for me. As a matter of fact,
I love meeting people with strange names and I am sure most people
out there feel the same way.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Ifeyinwa
<ifebigh77@hotmail.com>,
Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I feel it is the choice of the parent to choose the name
of their child. My mother decided to name my siblings and I
"standard" names instead of original or unique ones. My name is
E'dwina, normally spelled Edwina. My brother's name is Jonathan
Charles, and my sister Amber. My mother decided to name her children
with common names because the world is using names as identifiers as
far as jobs and schools are concerned. Even though th application may
not ask for your race, in many cases it can be supplied by your name.
For example, when you hear the name Becky, you think "white," and
when you here the name Dewayne, you think "black."
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
E'dwina, 19, African American, Houston, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R317: I had many opportunities to interact with and observe
black men my age when I was in the Army. The question that still bugs
me from those days: If two black guys were arguing, they could insult
and threaten each other for hours without anybody getting too
excited. But if one of them ever uttered "f--- you," everyone
observing the altercation would suddenly become agitated and
uncomfortable, and fisticuffs would soon follow. Why was that
particular insult the trigger for violence?
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
Brian J., white male, Atlanta, GA
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THE QUESTION:
R316: Why do black people include a picture in an obituary,
and white people don't, as a rule?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Lou C., Columbus, OH
ANSWER 1:
I think it's a regional thing. In our community, the
pictures of people of all races are included in their obituaries.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Neil D., 55, white
<deupreen@inwave.com>,
Janesville, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Where I live, I don't think I've ever seen a black
person's picture in the obituaries, even though I don't read the
obituaries very often. Whenever I do look, it's always old white
people.
POSTED MARCH 10, 1999
Ariel, 16, Armenian female
<Pink_Indian@hotmail.com>,
Fresno , CA
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THE QUESTION:
R315: How do black people feel when they see rap singers
express anger, hatred and violence in their lyrics and expressions,
as well as in their posture, i.e. grabbing their crotch or pointing
in disgust?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Charlie P., charliep@versoft.com, Tallahassee, FL
ANSWER 1:
I can only speak for myself and the people I socialize
with. While, in some cases, I am amused and sometimes entertained by
some rap artists and their antics, I am turned off by the more
extreme rap artists who have no message to communicate beyond their
sexual conquests or dreams. I am disturbed when some people view
these artists as representative of all black people and also am
disturbed these artists are sometimes looked up to by young people
because of their celebrity status and success. That is probably more
important - how these artists are viewed by young people - then how I
feel personally.
POSTED JUNE 22, 1998
K.C., 34, African American, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE:
Just as you have said, when rappers make such gestures and
sing such lyrics, it is disgusting. I feel these people do not
respect themselves or anyone else when they do such things.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
M.B., 17, black, Kansas City, MO
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THE QUESTION:
R314: If I want to be successful in business, I must wear
suits, speak clearly, communicate well with upper management -
basically, I have to fit in. Why is it that when a black person does
this, he or she is often considered to have "sold out"?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
S.G., white male, 32, Los Angeles, CA
ANSWER 1:
I believe it is because in this society, so few African
Americans have been permitted a chance to advance to the
"professional" level (either due to poor educational opportunities or
biased job opportunities). Because of that, whites who live, work and
succeed in the suit-and-tie world are easily spotted as the
"oppressor." Now get an African American in that position and to some
less-successful African-Americans (perhaps bitter about perceived and
real career setbacks), he or she becomes one of "them," the very
people who are holding them back. Hence, the African American who
succeeds has gone to the other side, or "sold out." It is, of course,
not true, but is still a prevalent belief.
POSTED JULY 28, 1998
K. Green, 30, African American
<KennyG9@yahoo.com>,
Chicago, IL
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THE QUESTION:
R313: Last week in the mail I received a South Asian-only
phone book. Also, some of our street signs here have been changed to
Punjabi. Shouldn't this be considered racism?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Lainie B., 19, white female, lainie@ultranet.com, Surrey, BC
ANSWER 1:
Racism means that you feel your race is superior to
another. Making a phone book that caters to a select group of people
is not racist, just as receiving a book in braille is not
discriminatory against you. As far as the street signs: Many streets
in my area are in other languages or include a translation into
another language. I am not being personally attacked on an ethnic
level. It's just a street sign. Go to New Orleans. Half the streets
are in French. Is that racism?
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
W. Schaeffer, white
<netizencain@hotmail.com>,
Oakland, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
Nationality- or racially-based business directories are a
means of encouraging people to economically support their own by
shopping at stores owned by, or engage the services offered by,
people of their own race or nationality. They also make it easier to
find stores that offer ethnic items not readily available in
white-owned stores. Phone books lend cohesion to a community, despite
geographical location.
POSTED JULY 28, 1998
Mary, Winston-Salem, NC
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THE QUESTION:
R312: What is the difference between Latino and Hispanic? If
there are other words to denote Spanish-speaking peoples of the
Americas, please include what you know of that as well.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
thsmith, white, 28, Los Angeles, CA
ANSWER 1:
It's like asking what's the difference between white and
Caucasian. Hispanic is the "politically correct" way to describe
someone from some kind of Latino backround, and Latino is used to
describe people from Latin America. I prefer being called what I am -
Mexican. A lot of people who are Mexican American prefer to be called
Chicanos, and so on.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Aztlan, 21, mexican female
<aestra@chmc.org>,
Bothell, WA
FURTHER NOTICE:
Most Latinos I know don't like using Hispanic as a label
because it emphasizes the Spanish origin when many of us are all or
mostly Indian or African in origin. Hispanic implies we all came from
Spain as just more immigrants. In fact, many of us have always been
here as Indians, and some of us were brought as slaves. Latino is OK
because it gives a good cultural label. But most of us prefer the
label of a specific country - Mexican or Cuban, etc. It's no
different than an Italian-American preferring that label to
"Euro-American." Chicano is mostly used by baby-boomer Mexicans. The
word used to be a racist insult by Anglos equal to the "n-word" used
against blacks. Activists in the '60s tried to take the sting out of
it by using it themselves, in the same way "black" used to be an
insult and was turned into a positive word.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
A.C.C., 32, Mexican or Latino, San Antonio, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R311: Why do more Asians seem to eat with their mouths open
than any other group? I have lived and worked in several Asian
countries, and most of my friends in America are Asian, so I have a
representative sample from which to draw the above conclusion, but I
haven't learned of a reason for this.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
thsmith, 28, white, Los Angeles, CA
ANSWER 1:
I am a Chinese male, 32, and I do not eat with my mouth
open. It was taught to me constantly, by my parents and grandparents,
during meals to keep my lips closed when I chewed. It is also
considered extremely impolite and disrespectful to talk while having
food in your mouth. Maybe my family is an exception, but I have never
seen any of my friends do what you asked about without someone
showing disgust.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Joe C., 32, Chinese, Fremont, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I can't speak for all Asians, but I know that my mom
lectured me about it when I did it as a kid, and it turned out that
in my case, it was allergies. I couldn't breathe through my nose
during certain seasons (summer's pollen, winter's indoor dust) and
would chew with my mouth open in order to breathe as well. It's
possible that that has to do with having evolved in a different
climate, that ragweed or stuffy, sealed indoor environments wouldn't
have been a problem for me were I living where my parents were born,
in the Philippines. If there are cultural answers to this question, I
am not aware of them.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
David, 35, Asian American
<HoopNation@aol.com>,
San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think I can guess why so many Asians eat with their
mouths open or at least talk with their mouths full. I've lived in
different parts of Asia for the last nine years, and now I'm living
in Japan with my husband. I've discovered that you can speak
Japanese, and probably quite a few other Asian languages, without
spitting food all over the place. Most Asian languages don't seem to
have the same amount of aspirated letters as in English (or any at
all). English is full of "p's" and "t's" that involve a little
expulsion of air (and food, if there's any in your mouth at the
time). So, while our mothers always taught us that it was rude and
disgusting to speak with your mouth full (which, if you speak
English, is), Asian mothers were busy teaching their kids that it's
rude to blow your nose and other such things.
POSTED JULY 18, 1998
G. Onosaka
<gillonosaka@hotmail.com>,
Japan
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I think it is a cultural thing. I am Chinese living in the
Philippines. Because this country was colonized by the Spaniards and
the Americans, there are a lot of Western influences imbedded in our
culture. I lived in Taiwan for a year and have been to Hong Kong and
China. In these countries, I have witnessed so many habits and
customs that, as seen through my Westernized point of view, are
utterly disgusting. And one of them is eating and talking while their
mouths are full. But for the Chinese living in these countries, this
practice is as common and as unconscious behavior as covering your
mouth when you cough. If ever they do it, I am sure they do not to
irritate or insult anyone. They don't even know some may find it
offensive.
POSTED JULY 29, 1998
I.C., 32, Manila, The Philippines
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