Race/Ethnicity
Questions 321-330
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THE QUESTION:
R330: Is it true that when fighting, Asian and Mexican gangs
more often get "everyone" to jump someone, instead of doing it
one-on-one? If so, why is this?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
White male, 14, Garden Grove , CA
ANSWER 1:
I think it depends on the courage of the person more than
their ethnicity. I have often seen Mexican gang members fight and win
when outnumbered. I have seen groups of eight to 10 white fraternity
members run from only one or two people. The most cowardly people I
have seen are white racist skinheads who fight only when there are at
least 10 of them to one of you. Sometimes people join gangs out of
fear because they really can't fight that well themselves. But some
gang members are the scariest and most dangerous people you hope you
never have to fight. This is true regardless of their color.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
A.C.C., 32, Mexican, former gang member, San Antonio, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R329: It's my feeling that Argentineans are arrogant, on a
cultural and personal level. Is this unique to that country, or is it
a choice in behavior and thought of other Latin American people?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
ProteusJG, ProteusJG@aol.com, San Francisco, CA
ANSWER 1:
I am not Argentinian but have friends from South America.
Remember Argentina's culture: Mostly European background (of
Caucasian persuasion), many of whom immigrated there in the early
part of the century. This little item is what attracted the Nazis to
Argentina. The continental neighbors of Argentina are either of
Indian or African descent (Brazil). I don't have to tell you that the
American majority does not have a monopoly on racism. The "R" word is
everywhere, even in tango-loving Argentina. Those folks think of
themselves more as European and have a lesser connection to their
geographical roots. Are they snooty? In my opinion, yes.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Black chick with an opinion, Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
The arrogance you've experienced probably doesn't have to
to do with the person being from Argentina but from the social class
the individual is from. In Latin America, the gap between the wealthy
and middle class is very large. The wealthy are used to having
extreme privilege, never having to wait in a line, good education
(education isn't free in most Latin American countries), lots of
servants, the ability to "buy" politicians, lots of personal power,
etc. Arrogance is part of the package. Also, bloodlines are very
important to Hispanics - the more European blood, the more "superior"
you are judged to be. This is a result of Spanish colonial , where
"mestizos" (mixed race) had fewer legal rights than Europeans. More
than 80 percent of Argentinians have European ancestry. The average
Argentinian can't afford to come to the United States, so if you meet
one, he/she must come from a wealthy family.
POSTED JUNE 30, 1998
Magali, 40, Hispanic American
<magalil@aol.com>, Los
Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I'm from a region in Brazil that receives many Argentine
tourists in summers, many who are wealthy. Many are arrogant, treat
us and the country as exotic and primitive, and treat us blacks as
though we were animals in a zoo or safari. They have a tendency to
think, as a popular Argentine saying goes, that they're "Europeans
born in South America by God's mistake." However, white, middle-class
Brazilian immigrants in the United States have the same attitude.
They, as well as the Argentines I described above, are not
representative of Brazilian or Argentine cultures; they are people
who could afford $1,500 tickets to come to this country. What they
represent, most likely, is the racist, conservative elite we have in
Latin America. Please give a second try and you'll most likely find
pleasant, well-mannered Argentines in no time. By the way, tango,
Argentina's most treasured export, has African origins.
POSTED AUG. 31, 1998
Daniel B., 21, black Brazilian
<masylia@slip.net>, San
Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I have known some Argentinians and never thought they were
arrogant. Outspoken in their beliefs maybe, but that is not a bad
thing. One of the sweetest co-workers I ever worked with was
Argentinian, and she was a very caring person who would give up her
lunch to someone hungry on the streets because she cared. She was
quite rooted in her Latin background as well. I think you will find,
like anywhere else, some are and some are not. Maybe it is an
individual thing rather than a cultural thing.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Cindy
<Cindy@mail.voyager.com>,
Los Angeles, CA
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
R328: I work in retail. I'm curious to know why many Iranian
customers seem comfortable buying clothing and jewelry, wearing it
and then returning it.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Shawn H., 30, white female, Los Angeles
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R327: What is the proper term for a white person in America
who was born in Africa? Should that person be called an African
American?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
S. Bryant, 2eagles@widomaker.com, Virginia Beach, VA
ANSWER 1:
The term "African American" is about ethnicity, not mere
geography. So unless the person in question was for some reason
unaware of what specific nation or ethnic group they were from,
regardless if the person were black or white, I would refer to their
specific nationality or ethnicity.
As you are probably aware, the ancestors of American blacks
captured and brought to the Americas were from differing West African
regions and ethnic groups. Once in America, part of the conditioning
process for African slaves was to forbid them, as much as possible,
from practicing their native cultures and customs. The result has
been that American blacks don't know which specific African ethnic
group they descended from. This is why many blacks, when referring to
their ethnicity, call themselves African American.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Jay B., black male
<jayboyd@ameritech.net>,
Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Perhaps I'm oversimplifying, but my guess would be that:
1) If the person is a citizen of Africa, they would be considered
African. 2) If the person is a citizen of America, they would be
considered American. 3) If the person held dual citizenship, they
could be called African American or American African.
POSTED JUNE 28., 1998
John H., 25, white male, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think you'll find that people born in Africa will
identify themselves a lot more with the country they are from than
the continent. Thus, they could be either Egyptian, Egyptian
American, Rwandan, Rwandan American, etc. African American is seen
(by people outside of America at least) to refer to black Americans
of African extraction who, as Jay B. has said, do not know the nature
of the tribe or country from which their ancestors originally
came.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Agrivaine
<agrivaine@yahoo.com>,
Dublin, Ireland
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R326: Living in Los Angeles, I've noticed many white/Asian
couples. Why does it seem that white men usually seem to be with
unattractive Asian women? Is it just the exotic factor that they're
after?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Twentysomething, San Gabriel, CA
ANSWER 1:
I think you may just be picking out certain couples. Here
in Hawaii, we have many racially mixed couples, and there are just as
many "attractive" couples as there are "unattractive." Beauty is in
the eye of the beholder. These people may have something really
special between them, and it is not for us to judge.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Valerie, 30, white, Honolulu , HI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Interestingly enough, I've always felt it was attractive
Asian women with unattractive white men. Regardless, I think there's
a dual effect going on. First, many of these white men have
apparently bought into American society's treatment of Asian women as
exotic, submissive, obedient creatures, an image cultivated by the
mass media (like everything else). Movies that deal with the Vietnam
or Korean wars come to mind, where saucy "oriental" hookers wear
skimpy outfits and try to get business from American GIs.
The second effect is simply that of Asian women buying into
American society itself, in which the dominant race (white) is the de
facto standard by which other races are judged. In this racial
paradigm, the attractiveness of other races is measured by how
"white" they look. (If in doubt, think of most non-white models - do
they tend to exhibit facial characteristics that lean closer to
white, or to their own racial group? In other words, will a model
with extremely thick lips, a flat nose and nappy hair ever become a
smash hit in America?) I'm not placing a value judgment on this
situation, I'm only making an observation. Anyway, to conclude this
second effect, many Asian women are attracted to white men because
the latter are the pinnacle of attainment in this society. Black men
are considered "taboo," while Asian men are asexual computer geeks or
martial arts experts (think Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid or
that Indian guy from the movie Short Circuit).
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Ray, 24, Asian
<yangban@erols.com>,
Washington, DC
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a European engaged to an Asian American, I find most
attraction is based on personality. While I find my fiancee
physically attractive, I fell in love with her honesty, outward
shyness and faithfulness. Many European females seem to "look down"
on guys these days, something I have never encountered with Asian
females.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
T. Rameth, 22
<rameth@hotmail.com>,
San Leandro, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am a white man and in many people's opinion not
unattractive. I date an Asian woman and don't feel there is any other
reason that I date her than that she is a good person. I have dated
many other women ranging in ethnic background from Hispanic to
African American to white, and race had nothing to do with anything.
The one quality they all had is that they treated me with respect,
and I treated them with the same.
P.C., 28, male
<PJCPAC@MSN.com>, Honolulu,
HI
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I'm a white female in a long-term relationship with a
half-white, half-Asian man (his biological father is Hawaiian and his
mother was German). His ethnicity appeals to me, but that is not why
I love him. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met. I think there is
always an attraction to dating those not of your race, but the color
of the person shouldn't be the only thing you like about them.
POSTED AUG. 10, 1998
Beth S., 18,white
<Bebs17@aol.com>,
Bernville, PA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I grew up in Northern California and lived in Hawaii about
a year. If one is to consider how many people identify themselves as
mixed race, one will find that Hawaii is one of the few places in the
United States where people are unafraid to identify themselves as
mixed race. The funny thing is the term "race" itself. The American
Anthropological Association acknowledges that the concept of race
itself is dubious and not based in science (see their web page). It
is therefore a matter of ethnicity. And people throughout history
have defied what their society has set up as taboo by crossing ethnic
lines for love, friendship, business, cooperation or whatever.
Perhaps the questioner should ask herself, "Is it possible that these
people I see as 'interracial couples' have actually realized a
certain 'colorblindness' or at least abandoned the idea of conformity
to ethnic purity standards?"
POSTED AUG. 21, 1998
Rex D.
<misterdillon@yahoo.com>,
San Jose, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Since befriending and marrying an Asian woman whom I met
in Hawaii 10 years ago, it has become keenly aware to me how ignorant
Americans and Canadians are regarding Asia in general. The
stereotypes cited here are typical and quite boring, but not at all
surprising to us. I grew up in San Francisco and had friends from
nearly every ethnic group. My family ensured that I adopt their
"color blind" philosophy and to discard the stereotypes that many
hold so tightly that it distorts their perception and hampers their
happiness and success in life. I have been living in Japan now for
almost five years and seen some intriguing, and often not so
flattering, stereotypes about Americans.
As to Asian/Japanese women being subservient, Japanese women often
hold the purse strings, make many of the major decisions in the
household and dole out much of the discipline in the home. In public
they may seem to speak less "freely," but in actuality many are
trying to make their husbands look good. People often ask me, "So,
what do you think of Japanese people?" to which I respond that in my
experience people are people, only our cultures are different. By the
way, I fall into the "ugly white guy" with the "beautiful Asian gal"
category.
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
Rob N., white male
<robn@usa.net>,
Sagamihara/San Francisco
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I'd say American males, white or black, lean toward Asian
females because Women's Liberation hasn't hit Asian society to the
full extent it has in the United States. They are submissive and do
things for males that American women wouldn't necessarily tolerate or
do in this day and age. However, I will say that once Asian women who
come to the United States get Americanized, often their
submissiveness goes away.
POSTED SEPT. 7, 1998
White, Oxnard, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
As a stereotypical White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, I am
inexorably drawn to different races (especially Asian and Hispanic),
and my white friends constantly question my tastes and have made the
same comment that I could "do much better." But I reason that most
women from other cultures have even more things to offer in a
relationship. I have less chance of getting bored when I am learning
not just about her as a person, but also an entire culture. Each
culture in my opinion has several nuggets of enlightenment and common
sense that have been passed on. It constantly blows my mind when I
learn about them!
POSTED SEPT. 22, 1998
Icarus, 26, white American
<Icarus@gate.net>, Miami,
FL
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I don't think it's because they find the women exotic, and
I'm pretty sure that it's not because they are Asian, either. You
seem to have love and lust mixed up. Lust is physical attraction, but
love goes way beyond that. Perhaps the couple are together because
they genuinely love each other and not because of the color of their
skin. This does tend to happen. As to mass media categorizing Asian
women as submissive and such, where'd that come from? In Vietnam
movies the portraying of Asian women as hookers wearing skimpy
clothing to attract GIs is not something the mass media made up. This
stuff actually happened, and again it's not because they're Asian,
but simply because it was profitable or was a way out of Vietnam. I
have plenty of female Asian friends, and never once have I even
thought of any of them being submissive. It seems to me that everyone
sort of over-analyzes everything. Not everything is based on the
color of one's skin. There are values the individual has that are
unique to them, not just their race.
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Nick
<kotula@hotmail.com>,
Newport News, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
Some people, regardless of race, grew up in environments
where the ethnic breakdown predetermined what their
proclivities/attractions were. Some Asians grew up as the only Asian
for miles, others grew up in big cities filled with immigrants. Some
are fourth-generation American, some aren't.This could be one
explanation for the phenomena you've encountered. But there are
other, more disturbing issues. To be frank, some people simply don't
feel attractive enough to find someone from their own camp, so to
speak. For instance, a friend of mine will not date an Asian or
fellow Korean (this is her ethnicity, as it is mine) man, and in fact
will go out of her way to date any white male, regardless of what he
looks like or how he treats her. Also, a good close male (white,
Jewish) friend who dates exclusively Asian females recently admitted
to a mutual Asian male friend, in a very heated discussion, that he
felt he was "better than the best Asian." This does not bode well in
terms of the self-esteem department for Asians. My question is, if an
asian female believes she will look better because she is with a
white male, and is essentially trying to ignore her own background,
is that what she would want her children and her children's children
to do to her over tim - to essentially deny her existence at their
convenience? Will that be the lesson she will pass on to her children
- the lesson of denial?
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Asian female
<aigoyah@aol.com>, New
York, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I know with my friends and I, if we notice an Asian woman
across the room, it's because she's beautiful. It would be exactly
the same as a white woman, Latina woman or African-American woman.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I don't think it has anything
to do with one culture's women being more exotic than another's.
POSTED NOV. 21, 1998
David T., 25, male
<dtjw@ix.netcom.com>,
San Diego, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
I have always found Asian womenmuch more approachable than
women of other races. As a shy, geeky sort of guy, I never had much
success in relationships with white women and found that they seemed
to be very picky about who they wanted to date and are not reluctant
to turn you down immediately, even without knowing what you are all
about. Most of the Asian women I have met have been much friendlier
and more willing to get to know you. They also seem to value you for
good qualities you have and not for what you own or what you look
like. They seem naturally more friendly, more open. I also find Asian
women more physically appealing than women of any other race. I am
not sure why that is, since I am not Asian.
POSTED FEB. 1, 1999
David, 50, Caucasian male
<exoticspices@juno.com>,
Phoenix, AZ
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R325: I am from Hong Kong and am curious about the
pronunciation of the word "ask" by some American blacks. My
experience is that a lot of black people pronounce the word as "axe."
I have also heard a couple of Latino friends say "axe." Why is
this?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
L. Cristobal, casuy@prodigy.net, Antioch, CA
ANSWER 1:
In my opinion, the flaws of "ethnic" pronunciation are
solely attributed to what I refer to as pronunciation laziness.
Period.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Mark M., 35, black
<drillistr@cchono.com>,
Honolulu, HI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think it's just the way some of us talk. I live in the
South, and most Southerners talk in a Southern drawl, which someone
from another part of the country may not understand.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
S.G.M., 26, African American
<smickles@hotmail.com>,
Birmingham, AL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I do not believe it is out of laziness. I think it depends
on what you heard when growing up. Last quarter I had an
African-American girl in class who had tried her best to say "ask"
correctly. Finally, after help from our professor, she was able to
pronounce it right. She said it correctly when giving the oral exam,
but after a while she went back to pronouncing it "axe" - only
because she had said it that way since she was young.
POSTED JULY 17, 1998
Genevieve V., 20, Mexican, Troy, AL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I vote for laziness. Genevieve contradicts herself in her
example of the girl who learned to pronounce the word correctly, then
lapsed back into "axe." That's laziness. Come to North Carolina if
you want to hear some real interesting language. Many whites say
"ast" as in "Let me ast you a question." Desk is pronounced "dest,"
and chimney is "chimbley."
POSTED JULY 26, 1998
Marie, 35, white female, 35, Winston-Salem, NC
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I don't believe this speech pattern is uniquely African
American. Take note of how Americans of all races say the word
"asterisk" or "et cetera." The inversion of the k and s sounds is the
result of a "lazy tongue" that requires constant training and
reminding to cure.
POSTED NOV. 19, 1998
thsmith, 28, white, Los Angeles, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R324: Is it true that most serial killers and child molesters
are white, and if so, why?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Rico P., 36, Latino, Mexican, Pittsburg, CA
ANSWER 1:
The United States is about 80 percent white; therefore, it
stands to reason that most members of subgroups (serial killers)
would also be white, unless there is some factor causing other races
to be more frequent.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Tom H.,
<thodges@softhome.net>,
Portland, OR
FURTHER NOTICE:
Most people in this country are white. Therefore, most
crime would likely be committed by whites. Also, I believe cops
usually nab murderers of color before they can kill again, because
Latinos and blacks are disproportionately poor, and that is where
police tend to concentrate their efforts - not on white, middle-class
suburbs.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
M.D., Detroit , MI
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R323: I'm a 29-year-old high school teacher in a minority
area. My question: I observe many students of different ethnicities
(white, black, Asian, Hispanic, etc.), and the one characteristic
that puzzles me is black students' propensity for loudness. Many
enter the classrooms screaming. Their conversations and comments are
very loud, to the point where the noise is piercing. Why is this?
POSTED JUNE 12, 1998
Nathan, 29, Coombsn@gte.net, Pomona, CA
ANSWER 1:
I come from a very loud family. We had to speak over
conversations to be heard. My husband constantly says we should just
shout out the window instead of calling each other on the phone. As a
result of my own loudness, my youngest daughter is also loud. We have
never had any problems with it in school. I'm sure she's probably
loud in the hallways, but she realizes once she enters a classroom,
she'd better put on her "inside" voice.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
C. Belt
<beltfam@erols.com>,
Stafford, VA
FURTHER NOTICE:
It is possible that the black kids in your class were
reared in a noisy environment or feel they must talk loud to be
heard. Also, it is possible that you are perceiving that they are
talking loud. It is natural to focus almost exclusively on the
conversations of those who have a different dialect than the one we
are accustomed to hearing. Do they speak "ebonics?" To determine
whether the black kids talk too loud, conduct this experiment: Record
(without the kids' knowledge) one minute of classroom conversation
when all students are present (and settled down). Play the recording,
and ask the kids to write down what they heard and by whom. If the
majority heard the black kids only, then the black kids are talking
too loud. If not, then you may want to ask yourself why you are
focusing so much attention on the black kids.
POSTED JULY 2, 1998
Stephanie T., black, Tempe, AZ
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I also have noticed this problem with volume control among
many black kids. 1) Perhaps the kids feel intimidated and "hide"
behind this tidal wave of sound? 2) Perhaps they are going deaf
because of all this "cool" music? I could barely stand having my
(white) kids home due to the shouting always going on. Turns out both
their father and I have a congenital disorder - slowly rendering the
bunch of us stone deaf. Some faster than others.
POSTED JULY 16, 1998
M. Young, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R322: I am an avid golfer and would like to know if someone
could explain why, as a whole, Asians play at a very slow pace.
Craig B., sbumgarner@gowebway.com, Montclair, CA
ANSWER 1:
I am an avid Asian golfer who has played on teams with
mixed races. I, and fellow Asian golfers I have played with, are not
slower or faster than our non-Asian counterparts.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
L. Cristobal, 42, Asian
<casuy@prodigy.net>,
Antioch, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R321: Why is it that some white people feel it necessary to
tell black people from time to time that they have a black
friend?
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
M. Grant, 25, black, Charleston, S.C.
ANSWER 1:
If they didn't say they had a black friend, they would be
saying "You are my first black friend." I think it's a way to let you
know they have befriended a black person before. Not all white people
have had a black friend. I don't think it is such a big deal. In
fact, I've heard it so much that it doesn't bother me at all.
POSTED JUNE 23, 1998
Jas, black
<themoas@aol.com>,
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
I'm glad you asked that question. I have often wanted to
explain that "noticing" a person's race or ethnic background is no
different for me than noticing they have red hair, freckles or any
other difference from myself. If you had the opportunity to sit
around and chat with "white" people, you would note that we often
mention our ethnicity, be it Irish, Italian or Jewish. This is not
meant to be a notice of racial difference as much as cultural
differences that frequently affect how we see things or how we feel.
Therefore, it isn't unusual for me to mention I am part Irish and
part Indian in explaining that I have a tendency to have a quick
temper. We cannot choose our family heritage, but we can choose what
kind of person we become and how we treat others. I don't consider
myself prejudiced - however, I'm fascinated by the cultural
differences others have been raised in, as well as my own cultural
background. Therefore, out of that interest, I will frequently
mention that a friend of mine is Irish, Indian, Italian, Jewish,
black, etc. It means I'm interested in not only you as an individual,
but your background and all that entails. I have had several black
friends. I find that frequently their struggles are similar to those
of others and my own - they just don't know it.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
J. Daniel <JLSSR@Juno.com>,
Fort Myers, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Some white people falsely feel people of other ethnicities
think that white people are racist just because they are white. So,
they try to express the fact that they are not racist by telling
people of other ethnicities that they have a friend of their
race.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
R.K., 21, white female, Houston, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
It seems that whenever I listen to minorities on
television or in the media, they consistently complain that whites do
not understand their needs or feelings. Having minority friends is
often used as a reference, like a source. People who speak of Germany
may say "I've been to Germany" or "my mother grew up in Germany." The
same is true when discussing political issues related to minorities.
As a white male, I do not feel many minorities take my opinions
seriously unless I preface my relationship to their situation. This
tends to be different if I'm talking to one of my "black friends." We
have a friendship based on more than our skin color and can discuss
things intelligently. This isn't the case when you're talking to
strangers, though. Minorities who don't know me may think I grew up
in "white-bread suburbia." In fact, I grew up as poor, if not poorer,
than the average minority.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
B.M.B., white, Miami County, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Usually, when white people say they have a black friend,
they say it at a time when they have made a comment that could be
taken wrong. I think race relations between black and white people
are strained, in part, because so many of both races are trying not
to offend people of the other, and in the process we are stumbling
across prejudices with which we were raised, but which we never
recognized until that particular moment. Then we try to mitigate
those effects by saying, "but many of my friends are black," as if
that somehow countermands the effects of the prejudice.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
D. Stewart, Fredericksburg, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Many white people are uncomfortable with their feelings
about the cross-cultural relationships they have. Perhaps they are
ashamed or feel guilty about having negative preconceptions about
people of color. I believe these people are covering up the feelings
of shame they feel. They have a sense their inappropriate feelings
can be seen in the world, and they are trying to cover for them.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Brian, 44, white, Salem, OR
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I would guess they are trying to subtly say they are not
racist, and that they understand where you, as a black person, might
be coming from - to establish a human connection. It's also something
many whites might be proud of. Though as a high school and college
student I established honest, no holds-barred relationships and
learned a lot from them, as an adult I have found it more difficult
to break down social barriers and have real friendships (as opposed
to superficial acquaintances) with black people.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Kathleen, 32, white
<katfly@aol.com>, Raleigh,
NC
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I am Jewish and have often encountered the same situation.
I believe no offense is meant, but that these people are seeking some
sort of common ground. Also, I think the well-intentioned are trying
to indicate (albeit in a very clumsy way) that they recognize the
inequalities of the past. These people are the ones I generally take
under my wing, so to speak, and help recognize that calling attention
to the fact they have Jewish or black or whatever friends may be
perceived as offensive to some. Most respond quite well to the gentle
correction.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Stacey, 38, female
<MISTMI1@aol.com>, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
As a 25-year-old white male living in a culturally diverse
area, I can give one reason: Guilt. White males are constantly told
by the media that we are the cause of all problems concerning
black/white relations. Though I never owned a slave, I am still to
blame. As I walk around town, I feel I have a sign around my neck
that says "White, Male and Racist." I feel the need to tell every
black person I see, "No, really. I'm not racist. I have black
friends. I'm a nice guy." I also do this with Asians: "My wife is
Oriental; I'm not going to discriminate against you." We are forced
to feel bad for the sins of our ancestors, and so want everyone to
know that not all white males are members of the KKK.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
W. Schaeffer, white
<netizencain@hotmail.com>,
Oakland, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
The reason for this is that white people always feel we
have to show we aren't prejudiced. Just as blacks feel they are
always looked on with suspicion by whites, whites feel they are
always looked upon as bigots by blacks. Stereotyping goes both
ways.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Tim
<Grunt167@hotmail.com>,
Omaha, NE
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
They are trying to make themselves more comfortable by
trying to make you comfortable with them. It may sound corny, but
they are trying to sell themselves to you. They are trying to present
themselves as culturally open and accepting. It is no great feat to
have multicultural acquaintances, but one still feels the need to let
you know they can do it, too. It all comes back to comfort levels and
how they are attained.
POSTED JUNE 30, 1998
Biojay, white, 26
<biojay@hotmail.com>,
Seattle, WA
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I have noticed this too, being someone who works in a
racially balanced work place. We have heard this so often that when
new co-workers come to work at our office,we tease them about it. We
think white people who are not racist feel compelled to let you know
they do not hate black people. How do you prove to someone that you
do not hate black people? By saying "my black friend
so-and-so..."
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Tisha, 21, African American, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
It's guilt. They're aware of their own racist attitude and
are afraid you'll pick up on it. So they try to usurp it by telling
you they have a black friend; in other words: "I'm cool. I like black
people." It allows them to think they're not racist.
POSTED JULY 27, 1998
D.M.M., white female
<donikam@hotmail.com>,
Charleston, SC
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
I don't think the race or religion of my friends is
anyone's business. My only friend's race that I can recall having
mentioned in a discussion with others is that of an Asian woman. And
that was to help explain the origin of the unusual foods she brought
by my house for me to try. (I'm proud to say I even tasted the
chicken feet). I have a related question that is almost the opposite
of yours: Why do whites avoid a person's race when describing them to
someone else? I've actually seen situations where someone would
describe the only black person (in a group of whites) as "6 feet
tall, bald and middle-aged" without mentioning that he is the only
black person there. My opinion is that both of these situations
reflect the white person's inability to deal with the prejudices
which they are trying to overcome. In your example, they are trying
to demonstrate that they do not share the bigotry of others. In my
example, they are trying to hide the bigotry that they feel will be
perceived.
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
A.M., white male, mid-thirties
<andymena@ao.net>,
Orlando, FL
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