Race/Ethnicity
Questions 51-60
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THE
QUESTION:
R60: I would like to know why black people refer to themselves
as African American. I am of Canadian descent but I don't refer to
myself as a French American or Canadian American.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
R. Dandeneau, 52, white male, Georgia.
ANSWER 1:
Africans in America have been searching for their own
identity since their history has been negated and they realized they
were never going home again. We have gone from Negro to black to
Afro-American to African American and back to black. I am offended by
being called African American, particularly when others of
non-American descent find no need to attach "American" to their
heritage.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Myra, African, 42, Milwaukee, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Good point. I�ve been Negro (on my birth certificate),
Colored, black and now African American. Do you think they put this
to a vote? I may wake up tomorrow and be a man of color. Why not a
man of kindness. I kind�ve like the term black. And that�s the term I
will use. So feel free to call me a black man and I will acknowledge
you. Call me African American and I will probably ignore you. Call me
an American and I will be your good friend. Most blacks know very
little about the real Africans. I know a few Africans, and many
Africans don�t even like black Americans. The word "black" does
causes a few minor problems to whites not exposed to blacks, but it�s
not a big problem. When my son was in pre-school, one of the
counselors insisted to my son that his skin color was black. He said
it was brown. I had explained to her that his race is black, but his
skin color was indeed brown.
Jeffrey S., 42, black
<starkej@aol.com>,
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Jeffrey makes a good point. I realize all of us should be
proud of our heritage, but I think terms like African-American or
European-American or Asian-American tend to be divisive. If you were
born in America or became a citizen, you're American. We should not
have to state the obvious for fear of not being politically correct.
If I see you're black, I know you have African heritage. If you'd see
me, you'd know I have European heritage, etc. I would love to see the
day when we are all comfortable enough with each other and our
differences to not have to worry about these types of
classifications.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
S.M., 31, white male, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I appreciate the fact that different people respond to
different words and labels differently. I remember finally
understanding why people of "dark skin" did not like to be called
"black" because of the demeaning nature of the word. Consider the
following example: How many times does a white mother say to small
children, "Just look at your hands! They're black! Go wash them."?
Recently, with black being an "in" color, the word has gained more
positive connotations. African American seems more descriptive and
less filled with other meanings. But why label at all? It seems that
if anyone believes the label being used is meant in kindness, it
could be accepted. Any label being used to promote prejudice must be
rejected - by the user and the audience.
POSTED MAY 25, 1998
M.A., white female
<iicsinfo@iics.k12.tr>,
Istanbul, Turkey
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I feel that when the majority of "white" society gives
people of color the same respect for their various heritages and
cultures as they expect, then you will see a lot fewer "hyphenated"
Americans. Some people feel the need to do this in describing
themselves because they never feel they are actually part of America,
and that the only way they can be part of the larger culture is to
give up their languages and dialects, hairstyles, choices in clothing
and music and other things that are a part of who they are. This
leaves them no choice but to speak "majority," act "majority" and
basically take on the traits of the "other" while forgetting who they
are. Basically, when the majority accepts the minority just as we
are, without change or alteration, except as we see fit, then we will
feel like true Americans. Otherwise, get used to a lot of
hyphens.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
R.E.Walls, 36, African-American male, rewind@hotmail.com, San Diego,
CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
African-Americans do not hyphenate their identities any
more than people from other continents and countries. Indeed, we
probably got the idea from European-Americans. The Chicago telephone
directory for 1998 shows the following listings: French-American -
three listings; Polish-American - 14 listings; Irish-American - three
listings; German-American - five listings; Lithuanian-American - two
listings. Some listings do not even add the "-American" suffix; for
example, see: Armenian - four listings; Polish - 33 listings;
Lithuanian - 16 listings.
POSTED JAN. 14, 1999
R. Stewart
<rostew@aol.com>, Chicago,
IL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R59: What do white people think about the fact that black
people don't wash their hair every single day, or in some cases, even
once a week? Do they think we're dirty and/or lazy?
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
Eula J., Detroit
ANSWER 1:
Unfortunately, many whites believe this to be the case.
Having been a hairstylist for 14 years with both black and white
clients, I know this is not true. I have explained this to many
clients over the years who believed that black people don't wash
their hair because they are not clean. My knowledge of the subject is
that, due to less oil glands in the scalp, black hair tends to be
dry. This is also true for people of many different races. I have
very curly hair, and if I wash it every day it gets very dry. It has
nothing to with being lazy or clean.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
Michelle V., 32, white, Detroit , MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I do not think that because black people do not wash their
hair as often that they are dirty or lazy. I was lucky enough to have
black friends who explained the situation to me. This was in the
1960s. I was a governess for two girls, one of whom was biracial. The
parents asked me to wash the girls' hair frequently, and the biracial
girl, who was too young to talk, kept scratching and rubbing her
hair. When I mentioned this to my black coworkers, they quickly
explained to me that the girl was suffering from too much hair
washing. They were surprised that I didn't know, and I was surprised
to learn this, but happy to find out something that would help the
little girl.
Both the parents and I were ignorant that we were making a
mistake; we actually thought we were maintaining good hygiene. It was
obvious, though, that the girl's head itched, and I do not consider
black people who don't wash their hair as often "dirty." It is just
one of many things that different people need to learn about one
another.
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
Jan A., 48, white, Ann Arbor, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Let me answer from a black man�s point of view. I wash my
hair everyday in the morning shower. Sometimes twice a day. When I
come home from the gym, I wash my hair. And then again in the
morning. I add conditioner and "hair dressing" to replace all the oil
people keep talking about.. Black hair is a lot weaker than white
hair. Also, the oil glands do not seem to secrete as much oil as the
typical "wash your hair every day white person." My wife washes her
hair at least once a week or more often, if she swims or sweats a
lot. It is a major production for her. My hair is short, and it takes
me a few minutes to wash it, add a little grease and I�m gone. My
wife has to wash, condition, blow dry, curl, hot press, grease, roll,
etc. The point is it takes her from one to two hours to "wash" her
hair. Lazy no, dirty no. My son washes his hair daily, my daughter
weekly and sometimes more. My daughter stayed at a friend's house
(white). We said "Don�t worry about washing her hair." They did. Put
her to sleep. Didn�t comb it. Didn�t braid it. Didn�t condition or
grease it. Took three hours to get the tangles out the next day!
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Jeffrey S.
<starkej@aol.com>,
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am a white woman with waist-length straight hair. I have
had white men and women ask me how I care for it, and many have been
surprised or even repelled to learn I directly shampoo my oily scalp
on a daily basis, but never the dry ends, which I only condition.
Even my husband was taken aback.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
A. Morgan, 33, Houston
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I do not think blacks are dirty or lazy because the
majority do not wash their hair on a daily basis. I understand the
texture of black hair is not the same as my own and may become
brittle or unhealthy if washed too often. I prefer to wash my own
hair every other day because shampooing on a daily basis leaves my
hair limp and hard to manage. I am sure that, just as with other
races, there is no set rule as to how often blacks should wash their
hair, as everyone within a certain race still has their own
differences.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
A.D., 26, white female, Florida
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I wash my hair every day because it's really fine but
somewhat oily, so it will become limp and honestly, pretty gross if I
don't. Since my hair is somewhat short, it only takes me about 20 to
30 minutes to wash and dry. My black friends have let me know that it
takes so long for them to go through the entire washing, conditioning
and styling process that it's simply too much work to go through it
every day. I've always loved the way their hair looked, so I never
gave it a second thought.
POSTED SEPT. 3, 1998
Sarah, 18, white
<bubbles@texoma.net>,
Sherman, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R58: What am I, as a white female, supposed to do with a
fellow black male office employee who continually uses his race to
escape responsibilty for his behavior? I have noticed that this
irritates others, too. We don't seem to know how to approach him
about anything without offending him.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
Lynn, Royal Oak, MI
ANSWER 1:
"Irresponsible" is, of course, a white racist stereotype
of black people. Even so, some black people do irresponsible things.
You need to look at your evaluation to make sure you aren't accusing
him falsely - it's a standard part of white privilege, and it's easy
to do. If he's really doing what you're saying, then you're being led
astray by your reluctance to offend him. "You're being a racist, and
I'm offended" is only a valid response if it's true. If your
criticism is based purely on behavior and not race, his response is
known as "mau-mauing," or deflecting white criticism through
intimidation based on race. If he can succeed in deflecting you by
being offended, he becomes invulnerable. If you're in the right,
state your objections in a clear, factual, respectful way and stand
firm when he blusters.
Will H., white, 48, Dallas
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R57: My question is about affirmative action. Do minorities
feel it is fair, or would they feel better if they were rewarded
solely on merit?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Dan R., 23, white <Jethro 925 @
AOL>
Southgate, MI
ANSWER 1:
As a black man, I feel that Affirmative Action is unfair
to those people it appears to reward, as well as to whites. I feel is
has been detrimental to race relations in this country as a whole. It
may appear to be just on the surface, but you can't redress 200 years
of wrongs with a policy that belittles merit and rewards based solely
on ethnicity.
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
John White, African American, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
The question and answer assume that minorities who get
jobs through affirmative action have no merit. For the last 200-plus
years, whites have enjoyed the privileges afforded by their skin
color, while minorities have been excluded. Merit was never a
consideration then. Now that affirmative action has opened the
playing field, the assumption of the majority is that minorities are
not qualified for the job they were selected for. When two people
have the same or similar educational background or degree, work
experience, etc., required to even compete for the job, and the
minority gets it, how can you say the person did not get the job on
merit? All things being equal, if the white person had gotten the
job, would you say that they got the job based on merit?
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Claire D., black female, Stone Mountain, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
All of us, regardless of race, want to be rewarded and
recognized for our efforts. I have noticed that in all discussions of
this sort (group sessions, television news reports, public debates,
etc.), there is never any mention of the privileges or assumed
qualifications of non-blacks stemming from years of the "old boy
network," nepotism and favoritism in many of the major American
institutions (corporate America, politics and higher education). I
agree with Claire D. During the years before affirmative action
incentives, qualifications (for non-blacks) were less important than
connections. This is not to say every white person has gotten ahead
based on who he/she knows, but those relationships definitely enhance
one's chances. Intuitively, we feel (and sometimes know) that back in
the days, a lot of non-blacks "got the hook-up" on jobs and other
opportunities based on access and favoritism and not necessarily
being the best qualified.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
M. Green, black, 28
<marcusjgreen@msn.com>,
Richmond, VA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R56: Why is it that a substantial portion of the Asian
population wears glasses? Is it because of the shape of their eyes?
I'm guessing that it is, but I'd like some scientific proof.
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Stu, 26, white
<hawkstu@juno.com>
Commerce, MI
ANSWER 1:
A substantial portion of every race/ethnicity wears
glasses. However, in my experience at SUNY Buffalo and Boston
University, there tends to be a substantial portion of Asians who
are from Asia, rather than being from the United States. We
Americans are rather vain, hence: Contact lenses. But, if you come
from a place where there's not a lot of cash to fling around, or
culture doesn't demand it, glasses are just fine. Asian eyes are the
same as ours. It's the shape of the eyelids that makes them look that
way, just like there's a much higher percentage of red hair in Irish
or Jewish people.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
Brendon, 26, white
<brendon.mcnamara@juno.com>,
Buffalo, NY
FURTHER NOTICE:
No, it has nothing to do with the exterior shape of
Asians' eyes. Near-sightedness has to do with the shape of the the
cornea and lens. I believe the reason many Asians wear glasses is
that in Asia, the living spaces are quite small, and so when kids
watch TV, they are forced to sit closer to the set than they need to,
and this strains the eyes. Myopia is also hereditary, so this is
passed on to future generations.
POSTED AUG. 12, 1998
Asian female, Canada
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R55: I have noticed that when black women get together and
talk, they seem to speak "their own language." I have a hard time
understanding what they say, and it amazes me that they can
understand each other. My question is: Do black women (people) have a
hard time understanding each other? And do black people have the same
difficulty understanding white people?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Kelly T., 27
<generalp@msn.com>
Pontiac , MI
ANSWER 1:
It is very difficult for me to believe you would think
black people would have any difficulty understanding each other.
Black people understand each other very well, and the unique thing
is, whether we are from the North, South or other countries, we make
a connection, deal with the differences and find a common ground and
communicate. Different cultures have different ways of expressing
themselves and may have specific phrases or slang that may be unique
to that particular culture. To say "when black women get together..."
seems a little stereotypical. You may not realize it, but there are
certain vernacular that are specifically unique to white people.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
S. Blair, 47
<sblair47@juno.com>
Charleston , SC
FURTHER NOTICE:
Many blacks, no matter where we are, go to the same
movies, watch the same television shows, hear the same music or read
the same books. What you're probably hearing is the slang generated
by all these different types of media. Not to mention the family and
friends from "up north" or from "the coast." Just like a group of
"surfer dudes" from both coasts getting together. They watch the
lastest movies or television shows about some other surfer dudes.
They read the lastest book by or about a famous surfer dude. They are
surrounded by others who speak "surfer dudese." They have no trouble
understanding you at all. If they have any trouble understanding each
other (different slang from coast to coast), it's explained and a new
word is born. Ditto for blacks or any other group. Try learning some.
It's gnarly, dude.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
A. Walker
<alcewa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pensacola, Fl
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R54: Why do so many African-Americans pronounce the word "ask"
as '"aks" (as in axe)?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Bob N., MI
(Similar question posted April 14, 1998, by "Phur" of Flint, MI; May
3, 1998, by Murph of Detroit, MI; and June 5, 1998, by Rich, 56,
white,rkimmell@ix.netcom.com, Sylmar, CA)
ANSWER 1:
I'm not African American, but I am a linguist, and I think
this question goes beyond race. Precisely how or why the
pronunciation "aks" came about is a difficult question. "Ask" and
"aks," as well as one British pronunciation, "Ahhsk," among others,
are dialectical variants. Why are the vowels different in the
American and British versions? This variation - across races,
genders, cultures, classes, even family members - is a fact of
language. People might look down on a certain pronunciation or see it
as humorous, but there's nothing inherently inferior about a
combination of speech sounds.
POSTED SEPT. 29, 1998
Anna S., 27, Boston, Mass.
FURTHER NOTICE:
To Anna: I disagree with your assertion that race directly
reflects how people pronounce certain words. You cited the English as
an example when they pronounce "ask" as "ahhsk." That is a cultural
assertion, not one predicated on race. Perhaps you can make an
assertion based upon different regions within a culture, such as the
South, where people have a tendency to pronounce "wash" as "warsh,"
including blacks. The difference here is that the black pronunciation
of "ask" as "aks" seems to have no regional or demographical bounds,
which makes it rather unique. Why is that? Somebody please tell
me.
POSTED OCT. 7, 1998
Ed V., 26
<munkadelic@aol.com>,
Cleveland , Ohio
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R53: Do black girls get offended when black guys date white
girls?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Nikki W., Bangor , MI
ANSWER 1:
Most black women have grown up seeing true beauty
portrayed as white, blond, Barbie doll-shaped, blue-eyed, etc.
Everything we're not. Even most African American women who are
considered beautiful are usually light-skinned, skinny, with long
flowing or straight hair. Sometimes we feel as though we are
undesirables. The only confirmation that we are not is the attention
from our black men. When a black man chooses to date/marry a white
woman, in the back of our minds the thought "What? I'm not good
enough for him? What's wrong with me" forms. To some black men,
having a white woman on your arm is a sign of success. When it seems
that having a good black woman isn't even a sign of "making it," I
have to look at myself and ask, "What am I, chopped liver?"
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
A. Walker (African American)
<alcewa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pensacola, Fl
FURTHER NOTICE:
To A. Walker: As a black man I agree with your response to
the question of some black men dating white women; however, do you,
as a black woman, see some of this very behavior in some of the
sisters? I have witnessed some of the very things you speak of on the
job, etc. Why is it that a sister who won't even consider dating a
black man who is a blue-collar worker will date a white man who is a
blue-collar worker? Personally, I don't have a problem with
interracial rerlationships. I know we are all the same. I try and
relate to all people as I would have them relate to me. I would like
to speak further with you on this. If you should post a response to
this message I will be sure and read it
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
Frederick T.,
<fturner970@aol.com>
Lansing, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To Frederick T: Unfortunately, I do indeed see this very
same behavior in some black women. To them, dating or marrying a
white man, any white man, is considered a step up. Not that these
women see black men as unattractive. Though some find white men more
attractive, some think a brother can do nothing for them,
status-wise, and some, for all their various messed-up reasons, want
a mixed or light-skinned child. It's crazy, I know. I too have no
problem with interracial relationships as long as they are based on
love. When two people can come together and be happy and comfortable
with each other, as some of my friends and relatives are, then God
bless them and their union. Any other opinions anyone?
POSTED MARCH 23, 1998
A. Walker
<alcewa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pensacola , Fl
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I'm in an interracial relationship - my wife's black and
I'm white. We've been together for 20 years, so it's not like it's a
short-term thing. One thing I've noticed is that you tend to see more
black men with white women - black women with white men is a much
less common phenomenon. From my viewpoint, this is because the
"benefits" of a black woman-white man relationship are less - nobody
on either side of the fence really thinks it's a good idea. So people
who do it are doing it out of love...
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Alex
<aleavens@mindspring.com>
Lawrenceville, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
To Frederick T.: In my experience, who you date depends on
who you are around. Friends I have known who date interracially - who
just happen to be highly educated black women - tend to go for those
who are on the same socio-economic level because that is who they are
around. I don't know any black woman who dates someone who is of a
"lesser" socio-economic status, but then again, I don't know
everybody. I think these people end up dating who they have something
in common with. And, if you go to school together, that's something
right there. However, I must say I have seen this so-called "dating
down" practiced often by black men in relationships with white women.
Am I seeing things, or what? What does a sistah have to have these
days to have a decent, loving and intimate relationship with
brothers?
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
M.J., Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To M.J.: Regardless of race, ethnicity or religion, if you
are comfortable with who you are, then love will find you, but, does
it have to be a black man? What if your future life partner were
white? Could you not open yourself up to love a man from another
race, ethnicity or religion? In my opinion, your response/attitude
will set you further away from the brothers you're interested in
attracting. I am a white female and my fiance is a black man, and I
have spoken to him about this subject numerous times. His response is
always the same: Black women who make those kinds of statements are
insecure. As a black man, he is very put off by women who have a
"we're losing all the good brothers to white women" attitude.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Kimberly D., 31, white female, Sacramento, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
To M.J.: I agree with you on "dating down." I've seen many
black men who are dating butt-ugly white women when they obviously
could get a good-looking black woman. To A. Walker: I also have
noticed that society shows a beautiful black woman as being
light-skinned with long, straight hair. I can tell you that not every
man agrees with that. I have never found the light-skined look very
attractive. I, and many other men, think the very dark "African" look
is much more attractive then the light-skinned "Tyra Banks" look. Of
course, I have to admit that white women are a strong favorite of
mine, but I'm white, so I guess that makes it OK. I do think all
women are beautiful, though. Women of different races are all
beautiful in different ways, so it's hard to compare them.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
J.D., white male, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R52: Why do most white males like skinny girls, while most
black males like girls who are "thick," or "healthy"?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Q.B., female, Bangor, MI
ANSWER 1:
I believe it's more an enviromental thing. Men tend to be
attracted to the types of women they have grown up seeing and who are
portrayed as beautiful in their community. Most white men grew up
seeing images of skinny, perfect hourglass-shaped heroines on TV and
in their personal lives. Those women are their images of beauty. Most
black men grew up in an enviroment where "healthy" women are the
images of beauty. Now days though, images are so profoundly shaped by
TV and the media that even some men who would have considered a
"thick" sister ideal some years ago now see her as undesirable. Then
again, there are some men who just love their women big!
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
A. Walker
<alcewa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
Generally speaking, this is a cultural difference that
grew out of poverty. In the poor black communities, prosperity was
measured, in part, by weight. Larger, thicker women were percieved as
healthier and therefore would be more likely to produce strong,
healthy children. Weight also symbolized prosperity, just as it has
in many poor European cultures (i.e. the Rubenesque Women). Today,
the thin pale look is a media-driven fantasy meant to capture the
interest and money of the public at large. Physical differences and
preferences also came from the differing lifestyles and environments
of the two peoples.
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
John W., African American, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
It may also be true that some white men are attracted to
voluptuous women sexually but do not feel they would be acceptable in
their part of society as wives or girlfriends. I remember hearing a
long time ago from some hookers I met that the rubenesque hookers
made the most money and that the pimps did not want them to get too
skinny from doing drugs because their popularity would go down. I
also have worked with chubby women who had "midnight callers" - men
who wanted to sleep with them but not be seen with them. This all
made me aware of how societal pressures can shape the choices we make
in our mates.
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Joan, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I'm a white male and love "thick" women. Not fat, but
thick. The look I'm talking about is not fat. It looks good.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
J.D., white male, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Does this question assume that Cindy Crawford, Elle
McPherson, etc., aren't healthy? Their figures may be unattainable by
the average woman, but that's no reason to play sour grapes and call
them "skinny." By the way, Tyra Banks and Robin Givens seem to be
favored by black males, and they look pretty "skinny" to me.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
B., 22, white male, Kokomo, IN
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R51: What should I do if I'm attracted to a different race and
my family doesn't approve of it?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Libra, 16, Bangor , MI
ANSWER 1:
Only you can decide what is more important to you: The
approval of your family or the friendships of people from other
races. As a white female, I have found that race has no real bearing
on the friendships I've developed in my life. Should others
disapprove of my interracial relationships, that's their problem. I,
for one, am thankful to have made and treasured the friends I have,
regardless of racial or cultural differences!
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
Cindi St. G., 39, white
<cindi@infinet-1.com>
Warren, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
It's your life - you have to live it the way you think is
best. I've been in an interracial relationship for the past 20 years,
and some of my people disowned me because of it. It's truly sad,
because it's their loss, not mine. I'm wonderfully happy with my
partner. If you're attracted to someone who isn't the same skin color
or background, then that's who you're attracted to.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Alex, 39
<aleavens@mindspring.com>
Lawrenceville, GA
To respond
BACK TO TOP