Race/Ethnicity
Questions 561-570
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THE
QUESTION:
R570: I am the only African American in a department of about
150 people. It's been this way for 18 months. I work in the data
processing field as a computer programmer. My organization seems to
have a problem with hiring minorities. Why don't they realize they
have a problem? How do I reconcile my internal feelings when
conversing with my co-workers, most of whom I like, with the ill-will
I hold toward the group as a whole? It seems the group as a whole has
made a conscious decision to avoid movement into the 2st Century by
promoting equal opportunity. Why should I attend company functions,
when I can't help but feel that to take my family to the company
picnic or my wife to the Christmas party, I will be putting them on
display to be judged on their behaviors and attitudes? And how do I
know these questions don't pertain to my own hang-ups and not to
those of my organization or the people I work with? Thank you for
this site. Regardless of whether these questions are posted,
Y? will receive a portion of my 1999 charitable
contributions.
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Paul H., black male, 35
<pthart@uswest.net>, Des
Moines, IA
ANSWER 1:
Racism and other problems of diversity and inclusion exist
at different levels: Individual, group and systemic. Individuals can
be fine to work with, yet systemic problems persist out of ignorance
and nobody owning the mission of addressing it. The first step is
building awareness and then getting a management champion to help
drive change. Another issue can be location - Des Moines probably has
relatively few black programmers, and in circular fashion probably
has trouble luring black professionals from metro areas with more
vibrant black communities (Atlanta, D.C., etc.).
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
B. Hale, white
<halehart@aol.com>,
Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE:
Don't you just love tokenism? Your course of action
depends somewhat on whether you can trust anyone at work. Is it a
cut-throat environment or a cooperative one? Do people who make
suggestions get encouraged or decapitated?
About interacting with your co-workers: Notice who's in charge of
hiring and who isn't. If you find yourself mad at people who "only
work here" and have no hand in policy, it will help to redirect your
focus to those in power. It's obviously a big-ish company, so there
must be a human resources department. You might start with them - the
notion of taking your family to company functions is particularly
poignant and might catch their attention. Or maybe you should start
at the top - judgment call.
A good approach might be to assume that, of course, they're aware
of the problem and are working to correct it; and if only you could
help in that effort ... blah, blah. Even if it's not true, it's a
softer entry. Fury isn't usually persuasive. (White folks get awfully
defensive, you know). Another similar approach might be, "I know how
hard it can be to find minority workers in this field. Where have you
been looking?" If you're willing to do some extra work, you could ask
how you could help them recruit. Maybe there are minority non-profits
around that can give you suggestions. Do you know of any minority
professional organizations in your field, or schools that train a lot
of good minority students? If you go into your boss's office with
concrete suggestions, demonstrating that you've done a little helpful
homework, they might listen. Or, they might just be racists. If you
get nowhere, you might need to ask those minority non-profits how to
file suit.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Will H., white, 48, non-corporate
<tccwill@flash.net>,
Dallas , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Do you have other friends who are also minorities who
could apply for job openings with your company? If that were to
happen, you would soon discover if things are as you think. If that
hasn't happened, then you don't know if minorities tried and were
turned down or if minorities didn't apply. Are you expecting your
employer to purposefully pursue minority applicants or simply choose
among all applicants the most-qualified person for the job? It is
hard to be the "only" anything at a party. But whether you are
African American, gay, Jewish or Asian, you'll always have
experiences where your actions reflect on all your people. That's the
nature of being a minority.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Anne, female, North, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I do not mean this to be insulting, because you haven't
been clear on it, but please be sure to note that there may be
differences between the will of those who can make hiring decisions
and those in the trenches with you. Further, as someone who has been
on the other side of the fence, and this is a crazy thing to even
have to think about in the 1990s, would you want that company to hire
one more African American? It seems to me that a number of
minorities would have to be hired for it to become a comfortable,
integrated workplace. A job can profoundly affect someone's life, as
you have noted. I in no way advocate discrimination in the workplace
based on anything, but if there are a number of older, ignorant,
mean, uneducated, entrenched, biased people at your company, anyone
who is different might really be better off not being hired until
those others leave - or are let go because they are hampering
progress (on a variety of fronts).
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Lynda, female, 29, white, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Your co-workers would likely have nothing to do with
hiring decisions; that is normally handled by human resources and
managment. Also, consider whether you know how many minority
applicants there have been. A company might put out an ad for
employment for anyone to answer, but if only white people reply,
that's the group from which they get to choose. Also, consider
whether you have any reason to believe your co-workers are racist,
other than what you have mentioned. All in all, you may be blaming
the wrong people for something they have nothing to do with. For
example, I do much of the training where I work, and so I have a lot
of contact with human resources, but even with that contact I have no
information about the people being interviewed. Now, all of that
having been said, you could be right. If you have solid information
showing that your workplace has been practicing discrimination, you
need to report that to the authorities. The EOE laws are in place to
prevent that kind of behavior.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
John K., 25
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Through this site I can anonymously give people a look
into closed-door corporate meetings, where issues are discussed that
the public never hears about.
I am a corporate officer at a large high-tech firm in California,
and I have to admit I am more hesitant to hire African Americans than
other people. It is not that I think they are less intelligent,
wouldn't fit in or are less capable than the people more often hired.
It's because African Americans carry a much greater potential
business liability than other groups.
It is very easy for an African American to file a discrimination
charge with the EEOC and other organizations. When these charges are
levied, rather than the accuser having to prove my guilt, it is my
burden to prove my innocence. Regardless of how diverse and sensitive
an environment I create, it is too easy for my corporation to get
sued over an innocent remark or gesture that someone took the wrong
way (for example, the cake in which the frosting looked like
watermelon seeds, or the "black jellybean" remark in the Texaco class
action suit).
No matter how fair and colorblind we are as a corporation, every
time an African American is disciplined, and every time I make a
merit-based promotion where an African American is not chosen, my
company stands the potential for getting sued. The public never hears
about the bulk of the racial discrimination suits because, regardless
of the lack of merit or ridiculous nature of the suit, most of the
time it is quietly settled out of court to avoid bad publicity.
Because of this, there are legions of unscrupulous attorneys
salivating at the opportunity for a discrimination suit, regardless
of the claim's merit.
I am fully aware there are legitimate claims of discrimination
where punitive damages are merited, and reparations are due to the
filing party. However, in my career I have seen very few African
Americans walk out of a discrimination suit, settled out of court or
after a full trial, without making a lot of money. Even in cases
where the corporation has prevailed, the defense of the company was
still very expensive. I don't feel like I am guilty of racism or
discrimination. I have friends who are African American, and a fellow
VP I greatly admire is African American. However, it is the people
who use their race as a crutch, or have a racial chip on their
shoulder the size of Baltimore, or people who use the "I'm offended"
or "You're opressing me" syndrone as a winning lottery ticket, who
put my back to the wall. Although I would like to now, I will change
my hiring practices when there are more Ken Hamblins and less Al
Sharptons.
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
Anonymous, California
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
To Anonymous: The attitude you exhibit is more likely to
get your company sued than any of the hiring actions you have
mentioned. So why not simply do the right thing and take your
chances?
POSTED JAN. 28, 1999
Jerry, white male, Tampa, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
To Anonymous: Do you hesitate to hire women, the disabled
and workers over 40, too? These days, those groups are more likely to
bring an employment discrimination suit than African Americans. The
best way to keep your company from being sued is to have in place a
good workplace conduct policy and follow it. Failing to hire a person
because of his or her race, gender, age, disability or, in some
places, sexual orientation, just creates the opportunity for more
lawsuits - and rightfully so.
POSTED JAN. 29, 1999
Alicia, 30, black female attorney, Seattle, WA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R569: I read in my local newspaper about a man who has created
an "African-American" flag. The flag combines the Black Nationalist
flag (red, black, green) with the U.S.'s Stars and Stripes. I have
mixed reactions about this. Will this flag represent needless
separation of our people from other Americans, or will it symbolize a
final unity between America and the black race? Will our people
finally realize we are Americans, too?
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Special K, black female
<KBluv4u@aol.com>,
Raleigh, NC
ANSWER 1:
I believe that combining flags would be negative. The
current flag represents the United States and all of its citizens,
not white people exclusively. Combining features of another flag, be
it of a nation or ethnic group, would show favoritism toward that
group.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
N.B., 26, white male. Providence , RI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think this is a wonderful way for black Americans to
feel proud about both their culture and their country. When the gay
pride flag first came out about 15 years ago, I had a very strong
feeling of finally being able to "identify" with something concrete.
There is a similar flag with the rainbow colors combined with the
stars of the U.S. Flag. It's a way to show I am proud to be both gay
and American. I'm not implying being black is the same as being gay,
but I can understand why this flag could (and should) gain popularity
in the black community. We are the sum total of all our parts. To be
able to display several facets of our background in a colorful symbol
is a powerful self-recognition tool and great self-esteem
booster.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Alma, white lesbian
<pridewks@seacove.net>,
Kempner, Tx
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R568a: Why do many black men I see wear wet towels on their
heads to cool off? I have not noticed members of other racial groups
doing this. It seems they carry the towels around on hot days for
this exact purpose. Is that true?
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Julie H., 19 white female, MO
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R568: A friend recently discovered his Hispanic heritage. He
was adopted as an infant. Unfortunately, his adoptive parents were
prejudiced against Hispanic people, so now my friend, who thought he
was French, has an inner turmoil. I want to help, but don't know how.
Any ideas?
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Honey Bee
<penn-tex@swbell.net>
ANSWER 1:
Find out where the "inner turmoil" comes from. The adoptee
was raised with the cultural heritage of French origin - thus his
attitudes, flavors and perhaps secondary language are French. The
discovery of the genetic heritage is a wonderful surprise and
opportunity to learn and/or experience another cultural heritage, but
I don't see how this would automatically change his "cultural
heritage."
I love and live to learn of as many cultures as possible. By the
blessing of living in the San Francisco Bay Area, I am exposed to an
internationally diverse community. I consider myself a student of all
people. To discover another history, flavors, customs,
political/religious attitudes and language is a privilege that all
Americans have available to them on a daily basis. Thus the original
question - where does the "inner turmoil" come from. Perhaps your
friend is dealing with his parents' prejudice, or perhaps he feels
guilty for participating in the racism.
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
MamaRosa, 40, San Francisco Bay Area , CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R567: Why do so many black Americans call themselves African
Americans? Given the horrors occurring every day in Africa, the
butchery and the genocide (read Out of America by Keith
Richburg, a black author, as well as your daily papers), why anybody
would claim allegiance to Africa (which country, by the way) is
beyond my understanding. Can someone answer this without resorting to
the tired rhetoric that I must be a racist?
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
G.P. Axe
<gpax@spacestar.net>,
St Paul, MN
ANSWER 1:
We are now labeled as "African Americans" because it is
our place of origin. Just as you have Irish Americans (from Ireland),
Asian Americans (from Asia), Latin Americans (from South America),
and so on. As far as which country we would would claim allegiance
to, for the most part, only the region of ancestry is known, because
orchestrated practices by slave traders/owners were implemented to
separate the slaves who were from the same villages, break up
families and stifle communication. These tactics, as well as others,
throughout the years led to the almost complete breakdown of our
ancestrial history, culture and true sense of origin. I prefer the
term "Black American." I am a black man, just as you are a white man.
We (society) so often have associated black with negative or evil
connotations (i.e. Websters Dictionary) that we don't embrace the
beauty of it. Mind you, we are not "black" in color per se, but we
are of many shades and hues. In the words of the infamous James
Brown, "I'm Black and I'm Proud!!"
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
Shawn, black male
<smoore15@aol.com>,
Baltimore, MD
FURTHER NOTICE:
It appears you take a very short view of world history.
The same horrors you speak of in modern-day Africa could apply
equally to Europe, Asia or any other part of the world, depending
upon what time frame in history you choose to highlight. Because
Europeans were at one time savage barbarians living in caves in no
way distracts from the justifiable pride these groups feel in their
heritage. African Americans likewise take pride in their heritage
when viewing the larger historical perspective that includes much to
be proud of originating from Africa. If it appears to you that
perhaps we blacks make too much of our heritage (such as referring to
ourselves as African American), it is in reaction to the tendency of
others to belittle Africa's contribution to civilization through
either malice or ignorance.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
S.F. black, male
<sfinley@wans.net>,
Naperville , IL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Civilization started in Africa. Science started in Africa.
Most believethe human race started in Africa. The peoples of Africa
created the great pyramids and all the architecture of Egypt. The
peoples of Africa mapped the seas and the stars. I am proud to be
descended from those mighty peoples. That there are problems in that
continent today does not take away from the greatness of the past, or
the potential for its future. Also, are you ashamed to be associated
with a country (the United States) that participated in the genocide
of its native inhabitants? Are you ashamed to be associated with a
country that imported and exploited human beings for slave labor? Are
you ashamed to be associated with a country that interred its own
citizens and confiscated their properties without cause? There is
good and bad in the past and present of every country and
continent.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
S.G.D., 23, African American, Oakland, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Many African countries are experiencing internal turmoil,
but the entire continent is not devoid of governmental or economic
structure. Look at a few prosperous nations like Botswana, Ghana,
Nigeria and South Africa. Why shouldn�t blacks embrace �African
American� as a means to identify themselves? African societies, in
all their diverse offerings, have influenced the civilization we live
in today. Also, the "butchery and genocide" you speak of is a result
of European imperialism. Rwanda�s tensions between the Hutus and the
Tutsis has a pre-colonial context, but its problem was perpetuated by
European colonialists. Like me, many war- torn African peoples are
undergoing a struggle. All African Americans are also under a
struggle due to hundreds of years of systematic oppression. There is
no shame in being true to Africa; its history and present condition
are filled with positive bearings. You simply have to be cognizant of
them.
POSTED APRIL 7, 1999
Yantee, 19, African American male
<neufvilley@kenyon.edu>,
Boston, MA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R566: To white people: What do you think is the difference
between "racism," "prejudice" and "bigotry"? Or, do you not think
there is a difference?
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
R.G., black female, 26, Richmond, VA
ANSWER 1:
As far as I can tell, there really is not much of a
difference among racism, bigotry and prejudice. It is a distinction
without a difference; they all carry negative connotations. To call
one a bigot or a racist is a derogatory comment, and it is directed
at a person to show that he/she is biased and is partial in his/her
thinking. If you really want to go into the semantics about each
definition, I am sure you can thumb through ol' Websters. I would
rather be prejudiced than a racist or bigot.
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Jonk, 33, white male, West Palm Beach, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
In my experience, racism is like Hitler. It means that I
think someone is less human than me, less capable than me because
they are not white. If I were a racist, I would know it because I
would consciously believe racist ideas. Racism has a particular
history in the United States. In my experience, it mostly means
white-on-black oppression. To me, racial prejudice is having
stereotypes about people because of their race and believing the
stereotype is true, even when you don't have any proof to back it up
or even if you have an experience that shows it's not true. I think
bigotry is a really strong racial prejudice, one that I insist on
having regardless of what I see or experience around me. It is hatred
that has attached itself to race, or religion, or some other
difference. It is a very scary and violent thing.
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
Sarah R., 34, female
<sross@pond.net>, Eugene,
OR
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I've always assumed the words meant pretty much the same,
and have used them, and heard them used, interchangeably. Lately I've
been told there is a difference (i.e. minorities can be bigots, but
not racists.) Is it really worthwhile to quibble over what we call
it? Maybe it's just a matter of the old cliche about Eskimos having
more than 100 words for snow: To us in the warmer areas, snow is just
snow. To those who live with it on a day-by-day basis, there are
obvious, visible differences between different kinds. (But it melts
down to the same thing in the end, in any case.)
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
Colette, white female
<inkwolf@earthlink.net>,
Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I have recently been re-educated about these terms, racism
being that inequity built into the often Caucasian-biased
infrastructure of society, prejudice being how one is predisposed to
a person dependent upon the stereotypes of one's demographics, and
bigotry being an individual's predisposition to wield his prejudices.
The second two will always exist, as they are individual
characteristics. Working toward a lessening of the first will in the
long term reduce the latter two.
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
Brian, 31, German Caucasian male
<riversol@yahoo.com>,
Horsham, PA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
There is no difference. Ignorance has many names, but
still comes down to the same thing.
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
M.B., white, 28, Detroit , MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I don't know the precise Webster's definitions, but I use
the words to mean the following: A racist is one who allows his
racial stereotypes to affect his judgment about a specific person or
situation. By that definition, in a society as racially polarized as
ours, everyone has been a racist at some point. As a hypothetical
example, if we both turned on the TV news to see a white cop hitting
a black suspect with a billy club, we might have widely different
initial reactions. To me, it might appear an appropriate use of force
to secure a dangerous suspect. To you, it might be just another
example of police brutality. I don't think it is possible or even
desirable to attempt to reconcile these disparate initial emotional
reactions, but the significance of our varying perspectives should be
negligible by the time the second blow is applied. I guess what I'm
saying is that, in this example, the racism (for the white observer)
is giving the benefit of the doubt to the cop. Continuing to defend
the cop even if he continues to beat the suspect long after he is
helpless (a la Rodney King) is a sin far worse than racism - and that
brings us to bigotry. A bigot is one who allows his racial
stereotypes as a justification for a blanket judgment. Whereas a
racist might say "Obviously only a small portion of blacks are
criminals, but if I saw a cop chasing a black man, I'd probably
assume he was guilty," a bigot would say "Obviously not all blacks
are criminals, but enough are that I don't like them." Bigots are a
dangerous breed, and can usually be identified by a tendency to use
racial epithets in the plural sense.
As unfortunate as racism is and as volatile as bigotry is, they
are only modes of thought and receive the same Constitutional
protection as any other set of opinions. Prejudice, however, is a
different matter. Prejudice I would describe as the tendency to act
based on racist or bigoted impulses. Or, more specifically, to treat
people differently based upon judgments of them as members of a group
rather than individuals. It is in all occasions impolite; in most
occasions, immoral; and in many occasions, illegal. Prejudice you
would think of as being the most hurtful because it sometimes
involves a financial element (e.g. not getting a job or college
admission because of your race) but bigotry and racism especially are
far more pervasive, and it wouldn't surprise me if they are a greater
weight on the psyche. I hope this viewpoint has been helpful to you,
and I would be interested in seeing your definitions.
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
Mark, white male, 31, Alexandria, VA
(Director's Note: Y? would also be interested in receiving
minorities' views on this subject.)
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
To me, racism is the belief that one race is inherently
superior to another for the sole reason of race. Prejudice is the
generalization of a group by the attributes of a few, or even the
majority. The difference is that one may be prejudiced against fast
food restaurants because of what they see in one, but that obviously
doesn't make the person a racist. A racist may say that
blacks/whites/Hispanics are inferior to their group as a whole, but
admit there are a "few" exceptions to the rule. A bigot is someone
who puts the prejudice into practice by enforcing, or believing, in a
stereotype. This goes both ways for all races. Those who think that
all whites are wealthy and spoiled forget about the "trailer trash."
Those who think all blacks are inferior or dumb forget about Clarence
Thomas or Thomas Sowell.
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
B, 23, white male, Kokomo, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
These words are similar. Racism is specific to race;
bigotry could apply to race and ethnicity; prejudice could apply to
race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientatio and age. To me, racism and
prejudice deal with beliefs people have, which they may or may not
act upon. Bigotry implies action. Many white people are racists
without realizing it. Members of the KKK are bigots.
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
B. Hale, white
<halehart@aol.com>,
Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I've always thought that racism was a particular form of
prejudice (that is: pre-judging a person based on their race) and
that racism and bigotry are synonymous. Racism is also a term that
defines you as a person (as a racist), but you can be prejudiced and
yet it only describes your opinions. Therefore, I would have to agree
with the first comment - that I would rather be thought of as
prejudiced than as a racist or a bigot because at least then people
would think I was somewhat redeemable.
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
M, 22, white male
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Without resorting to the dictionary, here are the
definitions I would give to each term. "Prejudice" is when you prefer
one thing over another based on prior information. Note that the word
is in part based on "prejudge." So if you prefer a Ford over a Chevy,
for instance, you are showing a prejudice for Ford. Prejudice is
essentially neutral. "Racism" is the specific prejudice concerning
"racial" groups. This would be preferring white people to black
people, for instance. Now, consider that both terms are internal in
nature, meaning that they do not require action to exist. "Bigotry"
would be a blanket term for actions taken based on hateful
prejudices, such as racism or homophobia. Just as all people practice
discrimination based on their internal prejudices, racists practice
bigotry. One set of terms is neutral without context, and the other
set of terms is specific.
POSTED DEC. 29, 1998
John K., 25, white male
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford , NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
As a black male, I believe the preceding posts adequately
define racist and bigot, but I will add that bigots are also
intolerant of opinions different from their own, and that bigotry and
prejudice are close kinsman {prejudice can lead to bigotry}. That
being said, most Americans, black, white or otherwise, are
prejudiced, i.e. blacks are prejudiced to the cause of blacks, whites
the cause of whites, Asians to Asians, etc. Prejudiced beliefs create
an "invisible line/boundary of racial separation." Everybody knows,
but won't speak it {unlawful common knowledge). For example, a black
male may say to a white female, "We can work, worship,socialize
together, even be friends. But (for societal reasons) you can never
be my wife." He is restricting himself from loving her (line), and
preventing her from loving him back (boundary). He's saying in
effect, "You may step up to the line, but you can't cross it". A
white male may do the same thing to a black female.
African Americans have been taught that "blacks should stick to
their kind, whites to theirs," and white Americans vice versa. Yet
both races have been blind to the fact that while such doctrin may
sound valid on the surface, underneath it teaches "racial
separation." In layman's terms, it teaches prejudice, and no one is
the wiser.
In my opinion, the only non-prejudiced people are those who do not
let society's biased beliefs place retrictions on their interations
with other races, e.g. married interracial couples. I'm not
advocating mixed marriage, but addressing the attitude/prejudice that
prevents people from interacting with different races beyond a
certain point. As long as the invisible line remains, there will
always be racial strife.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
A.C., non-prejudiced black male
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R565: I live in Japan now and have some questions concerning
Japanese manners: Why do Japanese people feel the need to always
compliment me on the fact that I can use chopsticks, and why do they
say I must be fluent in Japanese simply because I can say the morning
greetings? I would never say to a Japanese person, for example, "Wow,
you can use a fork really well! Where did you learn to do that?"
Also, conversely, why do the Japanese laugh when someone tries to
speak their language? In North America, there is nothing ruder than
to laugh at someone you know cannot speak the native language but who
is trying his or her best. Yet in Japan, people laugh so much at my
Japanese - even when it is correct - that I don't want to speak it
anymore. Why is that?
POSTED DEC. 22, 1998
Todd
<tdbuk@hotmail.com>,
Miyazaki, Japan
ANSWER 1:
The longer you are in Japan, the more you will learn that
it is their way of interacting with you. Because of our racial and
cultural tensions in the States, Americans' sensitivity to actions
and comments from people different from us is much higher than we
realize. Just as you can read on this forum, many people think some
races are over-sensitive to actions of other races and easily scream
foul or racism. Well, other cultures feel that way about Americans in
general. So you may be a bit over-sensitive to how they are treating
you. As for the chopsticks, hey they are complimenting you, and as
for speaking Japanese, your pronunciation is probably good, and they
believe you know more than you do. Relax, and as many in Asia will
tell you, "Don't think too much"! You have an opportunity to become
worldly being in Japan that most people who follow this forum would
love to have. Enjoy.
Also, many people in Asian cultures are shy and often respond with
laughter, even sometimes covering their mouth while they do so. And
because you are a newcomer, you stick out like a square peg in a
round hole and perhaps looks a little humorous. Good luck , hope you
gain a lot living there.
POSTED DEC. 24, 1998
Dave, American in Taiwan
<Gilstrap@ms13.hinet.net>,
Taipei, Taiwan
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am not Japanese and have never been to Japan, but being
from a "foreign" country living in America, I feel I can respond to
this entry. I think what you are experiencing is basically
"individual reaction" to something that is unusual to that person,
not a reflection of the Japanese people as a whole. In fact, I
believe Americans (individuals, that is) tend to make fun of
"non-Americans" just as much as anyone else in any other country (I
can vouch for plenty of times when my "dialect" and the way I tend to
pronounce some words was a source of outright laughter to the
person(s) I was speaking to). I've been to France and Italy and never
experienced any ridicule when I tried to speak French or Italian
(both of which I know very little), as opposed to what I experience
in America when I'm speaking English (and "English" is my official
language; just spoken differently from Americans).
POSTED DEC. 24, 1998
Trevor S., black Jamaican, 32
<tsteer@worldnet.att.net>,
Ypsilanti, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
In some Asian cultures, laughter can be a sign of
embarrassment, similar to covering one's mouth in the United States.
Not sure about Japan. It could be the listeners are embarrassed for
you because of butchered pronunciation.
POSTED DEC. 24, 1998
B. Hale
<halehart@aol.com>,
Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I lived in Japan for four years and, so I know what you
are describing, but I advise you to not let it bother you. Living in
a foreign country has so many wonderful aspects that you should try
to focus on those aspects and enjoy Japan - it's an interesting
country with many beautiful and friendly people. Having said that,
let me try to answer your question. The Japanese, in general, are
taught that their language and culture are unique in the world and
that foreigners cannot possibly learn and understand them. Japanese
people, especially in the smaller cities and countryside, are
delighted to discover that you can use o-hashi (chopsticks) and speak
a few words of Japanese. I think it would be the rare Japanese person
that would compliment you with a sarcastic intent.
POSTED DEC. 24, 1998
Henry R., 41
<henry_richardson@hotmail.com>
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I see that with Chinese people, too. I think it is because
most Asian people don't normally think of non-Asians speaking "their"
language or using chopsticks. This is probably due to the
colonization or occupation of various Asian countries, where
forgeiners refused or did not want to learn the language and/or
customs of that country.
POSTED DEC. 24, 1998
C.C., Asian female, 19
<petitecosette@yahoo.com
>, Kingston, Ontario, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I have lived in South Korea for over two and a half years
and have experienced the same situations there. It may feel very
frustrating sometimes, and you'll hear it again and again, but don't
get angry or withdraw, especially from trying to speak Japanese. I
think these Asian countries haven't encountered many foreigners who
are interested in learning their customs or language, so they respond
as they do. Your Japanese friends are probably the best ones to
practice speaking with ... as they won't laugh, and so you can build
ability before trying it on others! Enjoy and celebrate the
differences, and when you finally return to your home country and
meet a foreign tourist or new immigrant, remember how you felt in
their place.
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Rebekah
<rebekahrogers@yahoo.com>,
Melbourne, Vic.
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R564: Why does it seem that so many people of the black race
are so engulfed with their history? Don't get me wrong, I think it is
cool, but couldn't some of that energy be used to make a more
positive impression on the rest of society?
POSTED DEC. 22, 1998
Duane <rc10t@flash.net>,
Belleville , MI
ANSWER 1:
I think blacks/African Americans are interested in their
history because for so many years it has been distorted or denied. We
are in a constant pursuit to find and understand our history, thus
discovering ourselves. When I look in the printed media, and at a lot
of TV shows, I'm constantly reminded of some of the negative images
that are used to portray us. I have three sons. I have to teach them
and nurture them to let them know they can achieve and be something
other than a sports star. We have the capacity to be engineers and
architects, just like the ones who built the pyramids in Egypt. We
are smart, just like the the people of Timbuktu in Africa,where
higher-learning was pursued. That is my reason for being interested
in the history of blacks/African Americans.
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Charles, black male
<clprice1@earthlink.net>,
VA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think the word "engulfed" is a bit too intense. I am 55
and have been "quite interested" in knowing more about my history
since I was a lad. Having been introduced to the history of the "rest
of society" and very little about ourselves motivates some of us to
attempt to learn more about our ancestors. Some of my Caucasian
friends can trace their family roots back many generations, but alas,
the vast majority of blacks can only go so far. This is a sad state
of affairs. Can you and others understand how important it is to know
oneself through one's ancestors? Even though there is indeed a
"strong interest" for us to know more about who we are, I don't think
for the most part we're engulfed. Oh, and about using more energy to
make a more positive impression on the rest of society: We've been
doing that since the first boatload, but the rest of society has paid
little attention.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Joe P., old geezer, black male, Tallahassee, Fl
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R563: Why do blacks, especially women, tend to talk so much
and so loudly at the movies? I've noticed that predominantly white
audiences keep quiet.
POSTED DEC. 21, 1998
Emily, white female, 14
<Darrow25@aol.com>,
Memphis , TN
ANSWER 1:
I have never noticed this. The people who I find talk
during movies are people over 65 or so. A while ago I went to see
Mother with Debbie Reynolds, and there was a pack of senior
citizens in the row behind me. I wanted to strangle each and every
one of them. They must have forgotten they were not at home, and no
amount of shushing or dirty looks would stop them from discussing
every little thing that went on in the movie. This was not the first
time I've seen this.
POSTED DEC. 22, 1998
P.J., 40, white
<civserv@yahoo.com>, San
Jose, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
There is no question that black audiences are inclined to
make noise at movie theaters. I don't say this as a complaint or
criticism. When I was a teenager in New York, I often found it a lot
of fun to watch an action or (especially) horror film with a
predominantly black audience. They'd hoot, holle and yell wisecracks
at the screen, and sometimes, the audience was more entertaining than
the movies themselves! Now, this sort of activity would be very
annoying if I were trying to watch a serious drama, but at a horror
or action movie, it was not inappropriate. Why do many black people
feel free to yell back at the screen, while most whites are inclined
to sit still and listen quietly? I'm not sure, but the same styles
are evident in churches, too. Whites in church tend to sit quietly in
the pews, and listen intently to the preacher, while black
churchgoers are much more vocal, and inclined to shout out
agreement/disagreement with what they hear in a sermon.
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Astorian, 37, white male
<Astorian@aol.com>,
Austin, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am African American, and I think it is funny when my
people talk during the movie. Yes, it can be very annoying (because
you have to rely on someone else to tell you what happened). But I am
going to pose this question to my people and see just why we yell!
Not all African Americans yell at movies, but those who do are very
expressive.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Shelly, black, female, 26, Chicago, IL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R562: What is the reason for the many oil-based hair-care
products used by African Americans?
POSTED DEC. 18, 1998
Jackie, 40, Japanese/American
<vegemate@yahoo.com>,
Chicago, IL
ANSWER 1:
I'm not going to speak for the rest of the black women out
there or anything, but after I wash my hair it is usually a little on
the dry side, meaning too much of my head's natural oils have been
washed away. This may be because my hair has been "relaxed" (some
chemical stuff they put in your hair at the hairdressers to make it
straighter and subsequently easier to brush through). Anyway, the oil
acts like lotion for my head and hair, making it soft and manageable
while strengthening the strands, so I can run my fingers through
it.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Blackgrrl,18, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R561: Why do white women feel the need to ask a black woman,
in public, "Is that your real hair?" I would not be so disrespectful
as to ask a white woman, in public, if her breasts were real.
POSTED DEC. 18, 1998
Kenya, black female, Los Angeles, CA
ANSWER 1:
Ouch! Good point. I think this is associated with a
stereotype regarding what hairstyles are "normal" (I hate that word)
for black women. Many do not realize the work women of color go
through for hairstyle. My hair is fine and brushes easily. I wash it,
dry and brush and go to work. Friends have explained to me that most
black women do not have that option because of their hair texture;
there's a lot more work involved. Subsequently, when seeing a black
woman with a very nice hairdo, some assume she's wearing a wig
instead of having taken the time to style it herself or have it done.
But, in either case, it's a very personal issue, and I agree the
question is very lacking in manners and tact.
POSTED DEC. 18, 1998
Alma, white lesbian
<pridewks@seacove.net>,
Kempner, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I have to admit I've been guilty of this. What usually
prompts me to ask is hair length. It is my understanding that most
black women are unable to obtain substantial hair length because of
their hair's texture. Therefore, when I see a black woman with long
hair, I wonder if it's one of those weaves you hear about.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Erma P., married white female, Indianapolis , IN
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a white female, I have done this on several occasions.
I thought it was OK. I definitely need to be educated. Are there any
black women out there who have theories on this? Do you believe it's
because the hair looks too straight or long that we ask if it's real?
I'm just now finding out about how black women style their hair. I
want to know more, but now I'm afraid to ask in person.
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
Linda S., white female, 35, Myrtle Beach, SC
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Linda, you hit the nail on the head. Got a black
girlfriend? Ask her! Communication educates.
POSTED FEB. 3, 1999
A.A.W., 43, black female
<anabwi@aol.com>,
Plantation, FL
To respond
BACK TO TOP