Race/Ethnicity
Questions 591-600
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THE
QUESTION:
R600: To our users, from the Director of Y?: What is
your reaction to the following post, which we received yesterday?
"Y? Forum sucks! It's nothing more than dumb-ass white
people asking stupid questions about other people (mostly blacks).
The answers are obvious if these white people would just scratch
below the surface and elevate themselves beyond their typical
hate-filled heads! Your forum provides an outlet for these morons!
You suck!"
POSTED FEB. 9, 1999
F--- you all, Anycity, MA
ANSWER 1:
Wow! I just came on here to ask a "dumb" question to a
black person from a white person and read this. I was going to ask
why it seems that no matter what white people say, it is always
offensive to blacks. I am what I consider a non-racist individual,
and am somewhat envious of blacks, who seem to have a wonderful
culture that I, as a white, do not feel I could ever fit into.
Instead of my question, I would like to tell the person who wrote
this that maybe if blacks could try to meet us halfway, and remember
that I was not the one who brought them to this country, then we
wouldn't have to ask "dumb" questions. Don't you think that maybe we
are making an effort to understand what it is exactly that makes you
so mad whenever we utter a word in your direction? Maybe some people
don't want racial harmony, and it may not be only white people that
feel that way. Maybe blacks do not want it, either. I was not raised
to be a bigot or racist. I was raised to believe we are all the same
inside, and I believe this. I believe we all come from the same
ancestor. whether we are Chinese, Japanese, Indian, African, South
American, Russian, German and so on. We are all the same. By the way,
I think this forum is the best place on the Internet. Keep it up!
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
J.P., white, NC
FURTHER NOTICE:
Obviously this came from a young coward who doesn't
realize that his or her reaction is the reason most people do not
scratch beneath the surface. Instead of insulting those who actually
may want to learn or build something positive, why don't you come up
with a better solution? This is the best forum I've seen so far. My
donation is in the mail.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Samm, 34, African-American female, Boston, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I feel that Y? Forum provides a unique cross-cultural
discussion forum. It allows individuals to ask even possibly
insulting questions in a monitored fashion. I read your website at
least two to three times a week. It was actually the topic of
discussion in our Cross-Cultural psychology class this semester.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Leah, 27, psychology student
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Underneath the venom I think there is a legitimate
question. The only answer I can offer is this: By "dumb-ass," I hope
our virulent-tongued comrade meant "ignorant." If that is the case,
then note that Webster's defines ignorance as "a lack of knowledge."
America is arguably the most racist country in the world. I believe
the reason this racism, mistrust and hatred continues to mutate and
thrive is that we as a nation choose to adorn ourselves in a cloak of
ignorance. We refuse to honestly examine, or in some cases even
acknowledge, the historical vortex that has brought us to where we
are today. The only way we can hope to escape this downward social
spiral is to educate ourselves and each other. Sometimes this means
uncomfortable questions will have to be asked. No matter how
offensive, trivial, ignorant or silly these questions may seem, we
must all learn to accept them and answer them as honestly as
possible. It's called communication, and just because it isn't always
easy doesn't mean we can be excused from making the effort.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Sam, 30, male, brown American
<SamAlex67@aol.com>,
Chicago , Il
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
As one of the dumb-ass white people who has recently begun
posting questions on this site, I will be the first to admit that my
queries may seem stupid to some people. I will also be the first to
admit that I need to elevate myself and scratch below the surface to
find out more about people who are different from myself. To me, Y?
Forum is a great first step toward achieving those goals. I don't ask
questions out of hatred; I ask to learn and understand. If this
poster gave the forum a chance, and responded to some of the
"obvious" questions, he or she could be an instrument in this
learning process. Instead, he or she chooses to taunt us about our
ignorance. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the
problem. And if you don't like the forum, no one's asking you to
stay.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Jodi, white female, 25, Houston , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Hmm ... do I sense some latent hostility here? I wonder
why, if he or she thinks this forum sucks, the poster was reading it?
I'll bet he or she wasn't; it's easier to complain about something
one doesn't know about. As to the statements on race, from what I've
seen, people of several races post here, not just white people (and
most don't sound like dumb-asses). But the thing about not scratching
below the surface is interesting. I think there's so much political
correctness out there that people are afraid to even bring up a topic
that's offensive in public anymore. The other end of this is that
when people do bring up the subject, others might just assume it's
racism (or whatever other -ism applies).
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Patrick, white male
<mcnamepf@whitman.edu>,
CA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Being a dumb-ass white person, I can't directly address
issues of race, but as a woman, and a sexual and religious minority,
I think that Y? fills an important niche by providing people a place
to ask questions they know might not be polite but that they still
want to know about. After all, if the question is never asked, it's a
lot less likely that misconceptions will be cleared up. Yeah, some of
the questions seem calculated to offend, but not most, I think.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Catherine H., bisexual white witch
<tylik@eskimo.com>,
Woodinville, WA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
There really isn't much to say about that post, because
obviously the writer didn't say much at all (when you are afraid to
sign your name, that fear says a lot more than anything you say.) I
believe the Y? Forum is a great place to ask questions, some silly
and shallow at times, but all still very important. The forum is
effective because you can ask those silly questions, even when you
know they are silly but just have to know. You can expect some
judgmental answers and some sincere answers, much more than you
normally get from other factions of your life. Just imagine having a
legitimate, possibly offensive question you had to have answered by
the writer from "Anycity.'' Not much would be gained by approaching
him, but with this forum you can encounter others like him, and still
learn a great deal from still others, who are a little more tolerant
of honest inquiry.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Issac B., 25, black male, journalist
<ibailey@thesunnews.com.>,
Myrtle Beach, S.C.
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I found this post offensive when I read it, and I still
find the language offensive. After reading the "Best of the Week,"
however, I basically agree with the person's sentiments. Many of
those questions could easily have been answered by simply talking to
the person or people to whom they refer. Ask someone why they wear
what looks like a knee-high stocking on their head! Don't assume that
a person who makes strange noises while he or she works does so
because he or she is Asian. Talk to them! If we talked to people who
are different from ourselves in the same way in which we talk to
people who we identify as being like ourselves, we might begin to
understand them. This forum, I think, offers an opportunity to "spy"
on other people by gaining information about them without coming face
to face with them. That's part of our problem already.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Elaine, 40, Caucasian, Lexington, KY
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Wow. So much hate in one paragraph. Aside from the obvious
conclusion that you need to talk to someone (therapy), you need to
realize that education is the answer to most of the hate and
misconceptions in the world. Please know that there are actually some
people out there who really want to learn. Y? Forum is an outlet and
an anonymous way for them to do this. I am thankful for the
opportunity to read and respond to these questions and feel that Y?
Forum serves a unique service. Your self-hatred is a sign of some
pretty deep stuff. I hope you get some help.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Sheila, lesbian, 49, gay/lesbian/bisexual/transexual youth
counselor,<Hopeteens@aol.com>,
West Palm Beach , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
Yeah, your site is basically a bunch of fluff. You pretend
to be cutting edge, but you censor material that is not sensitive
enough for politically correct individuals. Anybody can be passive
and post the easy question. I feel Y? Forum should post questions
that may be vulgar, obscene or just plain insensitive. Perhaps this
will change people's demented attitudes and promote a harmonious
society through understanding and compassion for those who give
constructive criticism to others. Thanks for the effort - yeah
right.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
W.O.W. 30 Caucasian
<testing9897@yahoo.com>,
Detroit , MI
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
My reaction is a shrug. This person obviously hasn't read
too much on this site. When I'm walking down the street and see
someone in a spittle-slinging rant about something they know nothing
about, I keep walking. I'd have done that here, too, except you asked
me to stop and look.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Andrew, 35, dumb-ass white person
<ziptron@start.com.au>,
Huntington , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
It's true that some of the questions have obvious answers
if the person were to step outside of their own cultural bias. The
problem is that it's hard to step outside of what we have known as
"normal" for our entire lives. I hope that by at least asking the
questions, and receiving (mostly) civil, patient responses, the
questioners will realize that they are operating out of their own
perceptions, not out of a "black and white" (excuse the pun) reality.
While I've felt there are a number of questions that have been
asked only as an opportunity to air the questioner's prejudice, I
feel that the vast majority are asked out of a sincere (if sometimes
naive) desire to understand others. Since my belief is that the root
of hatred and prejudice is lack of understanding (we hate the things
we fear, we fear the things we don't understand), my hope is that by
just trying to gain knowledge, people will start to change, and to
stop fearing and hating a little bit more each day.
I don't think this forum could end all hatred and prejudice by
itself, but it's a start, and a relatively safe place for people to
begin the learning process.
Another comment made by the poster was that most questions were
from whites asking about blacks. While other countries do access this
site, it is American-based. The majority of people in America (and
also those with Internet access) are white. The largest U.S.
minority, and the one with the most history of visible racial
interaction with whites, are blacks. (Obviously, not the only
interactions, just the most publicized.) I think it's pretty logical
that most questions are from whites about blacks.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Janon, 38, multiethnic
<janon_rogers@cv.hp.com>,
Lebanon , OR
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
This person has every right to think that about this site,
but I disagree with the sentiments. I feel the only way to break down
the walls that separate us is to become educated about one another.
Non-white members of this society are required to understand the
white culture in order to be successful at work, school, etc. Let's
face it, if you watch TV or look at a popular magazine, you will get
to know white culture. Unfortunately the same is not true in the
reverse. Many whites I know do not care about the cultures, beliefs
or attitudes of others. It is imperative that whites begin to learn
about diverse cultures. This is the only way things will change for
the better. This forum is a place where people can feel free to ask
questions and learn about others - which will be a vital step in
healing this nation. I hope the person who wrote that can find
peace.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Michael , 25, white guy
<mjolson@prodigy.net>,
Minneapolis , MN
FURTHER NOTICE 14:
There are a couple of ways one could look at this. For
years, white Americans have wondered about certain issues related to
black Americans, but have been afraid to ask for fear of being tagged
"racist." But I've also seen questions about white folks posted by
blacks on Y? Forum, so I'd say this curiosity runs both ways. You
don't conquer barriers without asking questions and working through
issues. Change requires confrontation, and that means asking and
answering simple, complex and sometimes stupid-looking questions.
On the hand, you could say the person posting the remark is
deliberately trying to label Y? a black-bashing forum. What do others
think?
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Alma, white lesbian
<pridewks@seacove.net>,
Kempner , Tx
FURTHER NOTICE 15:
Despite my suspicion that the statement was made by a
white boy in the suburbs, I will respond. 1) There are questions
about sexual orientation, occupation, geography, religion, etc., on
the forum If the race category makes you mad, don't read it. 2) In
the race category, you seemed to have overlooked all of the questions
directed to whites, Asians, Latinos and Native Americans. 3) Many of
the questions are asked by blacks, Asians, Latinos, etc. 4) It is not
your job to educate, and yes, some questions sound stupid from your
point of view. I can't tell you how many times I have been asked,
"When did you choose to become gay?" But biting someone's head off
will burn more bridges than build them. It will cause people to stop
asking questions, to believe in stereotypes and to maintain
intolerance. However, if you use patience, it will help someone
understand a little better. 5) Y? is not a solution; it is a
springboard for dialogue. I have asked and answered, and a couple
people have talked with me via email. They did more than tell me to
scratch the surface. They showed me how to - they pointed me in a
direction. And after the brief exchange, I was left with another
person's insight, a few book titles, a new friend and an overwhelming
feeling how we are all the same inside. That is the whole point.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Craig, gay white male, 25
<cmorris@loft.org>,
Minneapolis, MN
FURTHER NOTICE 16:
I find that participating in the Y? Forum by reading the
archives and new posts, as well as asking and answering questions
(even if it seems like my contributions are rarely posted) is an
excellent way to find out about other people's differences. It is not
just a white/black thing; there are questions about Asians, women,
men, parents, rich people, poor people, teenagers, Catholics,
Protestants, Muslims, Jews, disabled people, etc. The vast majority
of the people whose comments I have read do not seem to be motivated
by hate. They are motivated by a desire to overcome their ignorance
and learn more about people who are in some way different from them.
Difference can cause fear, dislike, curiosity, attraction and many
other emotions. By taking a closer look at our differences and trying
to understand them, we can help dispel prejudice. (My only beef with
this forum is that there are not enough contributions from other
countries. The world is better than just the United States.) POSTED
FEB. 10, 1999
C., 21, female, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 17:
My gut reaction was "F--- you, too." I grew up in an
all-white, all-Catholic, Beaver Cleaver-type neighborhood. I went to
college in the same type of neighborhood. Does that make me a
"hate-filled moron" with a racist attitude? I don't think so. I know
absolutely nothing about other races, religions, sexual orientations,
etc., other than my own. The reason for Y? Forum is to acquire
knowledge about others so as not to make fools of ourselves out in
the world. If someone doesn't like the idea of Y? Forum, get the hell
out of the web site! I think this is a fantastic idea and an
excellent source of information. It sounds to me like the person who
wrote this is the hate-filled moronic racist, especially considering
he or she wasn't big enough to leave a name or e-mail address. Keep
up the good work, Y? Forum.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Jen, 28, single, white, heterosexual woman, Royal Oak, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 18:
And this person is calling other people "hate-filled?"
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Laura, white female, 37, Baltimore , MD
FURTHER NOTICE 19:
I am a dumb-ass white moron. The writer is also a dumb-ass
if he or she only uses Y? instead of getting with people of color to
talk and work things out. But the writer disses everybody of every
color who might really want to learn more but don't have any way to
meet all the people whose ideas are posted here.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Ron, 65, Cajun-American male
<ramelancon@email.com>,
FL
FURTHER NOTICE 20:
The post stereotypes white people as having "hate-filled
minds," criticizes those who attempt to have a dialogue on diversity,
and yet the poster is such a coward that he or she refused to give
his or her name. I would have to say that someone is just trying to
get attention. I would not have bothered posting those comments,
since catering to fools is a pointless exercise, but I have to admit
that it displayed a great deal of courage. Keep it up, and lessen the
restrictions on the postings. Keep out the obvious personal attacks
and posts like that, but put everything else on. If people are
willing to put their names to hate speech, so be it. There is more
than one way to learn, and rejection of the negative is just as
useful as acceptance of the positive.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
John K., 25
<the-macs@geocities.com>,
Cranford , NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 21:
What's wrong with being curious? In kindergarten, we were
often told that asking questions was the best way to gain knowledge
(or something like that).
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
C.C., Canadian female of Chinese descent, Kingston, Ontario,
Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 22:
I strongly disagree. Any forum that encourages an open and
candid discussion of sensitive issues is positive and useful. I feel
we are often embarrassed to ask questions, even when the asking is a
step toward ending our own ignorance, or a step to a better
understanding of our differences.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Andy B., 38, white, gay, Catholic
<ATB0118@aol.com>
Somerville, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 23:
Yes, it seems quite obvious that some posters ask
questions or post answers just to express their negative opinions on
other races and cultures. And yes, it does seem that the vast
majority of posts are by whites. And too many answers are by whites,
even when the question was directed to another race/nationality. But
the Y? Forum is a great site. This white male has put it in his
"cool" bookmark directory (and not the "fun" directory, mind you).
However, I can think of a few ways the Y? Forum could be improved.
First, the use of passwords would help screen out silly posts.
Second, some collation and statistical analysis of questions and
answers would add greatly. For example, it would be useful to know
how often any given question has been asked before, and of the anwers
given, how often those answers have been given before. I think it
would help people to know what the greatest points of contention
between their culture and others' cultures are. It would be great to
be able to search what are the most common questions from group X
about group Y. And what are the most common answers by group Y for
those questions. The same information can be gained by reading all of
the archives, but that is time-consuming.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Mark S., white male
<mseely@wt.net>, Houston ,
TX
FURTHER NOTICE 24:
I think Y? is very biased in the questions and anwers it
posts. There is obvious manipulation of the views on various subjects
because of this "hand-picking." People who have unpopular views are
not being heard unless they are angry white men. Also, notice who the
posters responding to this submission are. This is another example of
the hand-picking that has the original poster so furious. Be honest,
Y?: You constantly delete comments by African Americans who are
attempting to explain something just because they don't have a "tone"
that white people are comfortable with. That's not cutting edge -
it's just cut-off.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Tracy, 31, African American female, Cleveland , OH
The Director responds: Y? would be happy to post more submissions
from African Americans that have a hostile tone - if it received
them. Though our analysis shows that about 30 percent of our users
are African American, we do not, quite frankly, receive that many
posts from African Americans that could be termed "hostile" (not
nearly as many as those that come from non-minorities). Why this is
would make for an interesting discussion in itself in the Y? Forum.
As far as why some hostile posts from African Americans (or
non-minorities) have not been posted, the most likely reason, other
than the fact that we do screen for outright hate, is that we simply
have not been able to get to them yet. We receive an enormous volume
of submissions daily, and as such have a backlog of more than 5,000
posts. We are attempting to secure additional funding and donations
to help address this situation, and hope our users will be patient in
the meantime.
FURTHER NOTICE 25:
Keep in mind that Y? Forum offers a variety of categories
and topics for discussion. When you select the "race/ethnicity" link,
it is reasonable to expect that the questions and comments will focus
on race matters. Your point, though is well-taken - a majority of the
questions are posed to minorities, namely blacks. However, if you
understand the origins of contemporary race relations in this
country, you'd know that all of us have, in some way, been culturally
miseducated. Language is one of the most powerful tools we have. We
can use words to cut like a sword or to build coalitions and
communities. Y?, for me, is a very positive resource. I don't mind
the tough questions, emotional issues or the reality that, to some,
my blackness is confusing, frustrating or even intriguing. While I
agree with your observation, I disagree with the way that you handled
the issue. (My check is on the way).
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Dee W. black female
<westde@hiram.edu>,
Cleveland, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 26:
First of all I'd like to say thanks so much to the people
who created Y? and keep it going. What a wonderful idea, particularly
because it seems to me that white people and black people have few,
if any, opportunities to get to know each other beyond, perhaps, the
relatively superficial level of friendship that can be achieved
exclusively at work (and often not even that). Although I am a
"dumb-ass white person," I work with many black people and frequently
have lunch with several of them, although we unfortunately do not
socialize after work. Over the years, I have sometimes had the
opportunity to hear what they have to say about some of these issues,
and I hope that I have grown as a result. But I think the majority of
white people probably don't work in such an environment and therefore
don't have the opportunity I have had to learn. Keep it up, Y? You
are providing a valuable social service.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Nora F., white female, New York City metroarea , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 27:
I agree that some of the questions are a little lame,
especially ones that only require digging out the dictionary. But I'm
interested in seeing an example of a good question from the original
poster, either one of your own design or one from the more than 1,000
questions in the archives. Please post one. Thanks.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
B. Hale, conflicted between dumb-ass and smart-ass
<halehart@aol.com>,
Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 28:
Even though the question wasn't phrased too prettily, it
did strike a chord with me. I often find myself shaking my head at
the questions, but enjoying the answers. As soon as you open a
question with "why do whites, or blacks, or Asians, or Hispanics
do..." you're on shaky, shaky ground. Ethnic groups don't do things,
individuals do things. Many of the responses address this, and that's
where I see the value in the forum.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
G.H., 50, black
<silent@sssnet.com>,
Cleveland , OH
FURTHER NOTICE 29:
Where in the original post is it stated that the poster is
black? Nowhere. This observation could be from anyone of any color.
There are many white people and other groups who consider white
people to be "dumb-assed." Let's not have knee-jerk reactions. We
have no idea of the age of the poster or anything. Let's not assume
it is an angry black person venting.
POSTED FEB. 15, 1999
T.A., female, Raleigh, NC
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R599: My Hispanic boyfriend dislikes using a fork to eat his
food. Instead, he tears up tortillas and uses them to pinch food from
his plate. Today he ate an entire plate of rice with tortillas
without bothering to bring a fork to the table. He also smacks his
lips and chews with his mouth open. Why does he do this ... and why
does it bother me so much?
POSTED FEB. 9, 1999
Young white woman
ANSWER 1:
I don't know too much about Hispanic culture, but could it
be part of his background? I know that Chinese people tend to slurp
at the table, as my grandfather does this. And it bothers me, too. It
bothers me because we were brought up to be quiet while eating and to
use cutlery (or chopsticks) when appropriate.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
C.C. Canadian of Chinese descent, Kingston, Ontario, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE:
Sounds like a personal problem to me. This seems much more
like his own little idiosyncrasy and your personal reaction to it. I
think for you to assume he acts this way because of his race is to
put too high a premium on his cultural background. There's more to
him than his ethnicity - apparently bad table manners are part of his
individual personality.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
D.M.M., white, female, 24
<donikam@hotmail.com>,
Charleston , SC
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I've
eaten at Ethiopian restaurants and that sounds similar to what they
do: Put all the food on a large, flat pancake and tear off bits of
the pancake to pick up the food. It seems pretty smart to me; there's
nothing left to clean up except the plate.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
T.T., white female, New York , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am Mexican and most of the people I know always use
forks, spoons and the like. However, my father is an
architect/contractor, and the "Albañiles" (construction
workers) who build for him eat just like what you said. Since they
often eat on the building site, they don't have any forks handy, and
they don't have much time for cutesies while eating, either. My guess
is that that style of eating is characteristic of the Mexican working
class (Albañiles, farmers, etc.), and they are the ones who
usually cross the border. And no wonder it bothers you so much. It
bothers me, and I've seen them eat like that since I was five.
POSTED FEB. 17, 1999
Miguel V., 20, Hispanic male
al666603@academ01.zac.itesm.mx>,
Jalisco, Mexico
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I work for a pharmaceutical firm with a very diverse
workforce. I have observed that folks of other ethnicities who
consume some form of bread at each meal often, if not always, use it
as a utensil. The ethnic groups I have observed this with the most
are Asian, Hispanic and Indian. To me it seems very logical. It sure
as hell simplifies lunch.
POSTED MARCH 23, 1999
Tim B., 35, white male
<CrashTB@aol.com>,
Baltimore, MD
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R598: If America is so racist, how does one explain the
success of Asians in this country? Why can't other groups follow
their examples?
POSTED FEB. 5, 1999
J. Chin, Asian male
<sdboy@aol.com>, San Diego,
Ca
ANSWER 1:
Although America is home to many racists, Americans do not
live in a "racist society." I have lived most of my life in America,
plus several years each in an Asian society and a non-U.S. western
society. All my experience teaches me that the Asian societies that I
know directly steadfastly maintain standards of excellence and proper
behavior that have been cultivated over centuries. These high
standards, supported not only by the family structure, but by society
at large, invariably lead to achievement and elevated status wherever
they are honored by individuals. By contrast, for reasons I'll leave
to others to explore, other racial minorities have not been so
determined to maintain traditionally high standards of conduct and
achievement, leading to comparatively lesser degrees of social
achievement here in America. I submit that we could really find out
just how racist America is if everyone practiced the dogged
determination to honor traditional standards to the degree that so
many Asian immigrants do.
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Parker
<sparker@neptune.net>,
Orange County, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think the assumptions made in your question may be at
least open to dispute or at worst totally flawed. Much depends on how
one defines success. Contrary to the stereotype, many Asian Americans
live in poverty, belong to criminal gangs and share the same problems
other minorities in America suffer. In addition, it has been the
frequent lament of many Asians who have posted to this forum that
they are treated in many ways like foreigners in their own country.
To my way of thinking, the Asian experience does not constitute a
story of success, but merely another sad chapter in America's racist
treatment of non- whites.
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
S.F. black, male
<sfinley@wans.net>,
Naperville , IL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
There are so many assumptions in your question that it is
difficult to respond without addressing them. First, you assume that
all, or at least an overwhelming majority of Asians, are as
prosperous as you evidently are. Doubtful. Second, by tracing the
history of each "group," you will find that each has followed a
different path to reach its current state in the socioeconomic quilt
of America. In other words, you are ethnically and racially comparing
apples to oranges. For example, few African Americans have any
cultural ties to the Africa from which the bulk of their ancestry was
kidnapped. Legal immigration for Africans was forbidden by federal
law until the mid 1960s, and much of the original slaves' culture was
"reeducated" away from successive generations. This cultural
isolation created a minority group left totally at the social and
political whim of the dominant culture.
Read up on slavery and Jim Crow (and his unnamed Northern cousin),
and hopefully you'll begin to see the bigger picture. Quite
different, I'm sure, from the history of most Asian immigrants. In
spite of our respective histories of facing racism and bigotry in the
United States, however, members of any particular group still can
point to many success stories from among their ranks. Those are the
examples that we all must find ways to follow.
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Sam, 30, male, brown American
<SamAlex67@aol.com>,
Chicago, Il
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Because some Asians have become successful does not imply
the non-existence of racism. Another valid perspective is that they
have prospered in the face of racism. Consider the Chinese
Exclusion Act, Japanese American internment, etc., and tell me that
Asians haven't confronted racism in the starkest terms. Also, telling
other minorities to "follow the Asian example" is comparing apples
with oranges. Blacks and Hispanics have different backgrounds and
historical legacies. For one thing, the typical Asian immigrant today
is not the same as the average Latin American immigrant. Lastly,
implying that all Asians are successful is off the mark - many Asian
communities are struggling.
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Ray, 24, Asian American male
<yangban@erols.com>,
Washington, DC
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
What do you mean by success? And what kinds of Asians are
you talking about? Many people have the stereotype that all Asians
are doing well and "successful" in this country, but that is not the
case. Many Asian Americans do well in school, but that is not the
only indicator of success, since they are under represented in many
leadership and corporate positions. Also, many Southeast Asian or
recent immigrant Asian groups have encountered much racism and
discrimination. It is a much more complex question than you have
presented when you really look at the issues and how our society
defines "success."
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Corinne, 30, Japanese American female
<ckodama@deans.umd.edu>,
College Park, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I agree with several other posters that not all Asians in
the United States have enjoyed racism-free experiences. The Twin
Cities are home to a large Hmong immigrant community that has
suffered a good deal of racism. A controversy erupted recently when a
local radio morning show joked about a 13-year-old Hmong rape victim
who killed her newborn baby. The DJs mocked Hmong customs, and in
response to the girl's mother's comment that assimilation had been
difficult for the family, one of the DJs said, "Assimilate or hit the
goddamn road." A protest group was formed and demanded an apology by
the station, which finally did apologize after major advertisers
pulled their sponsorships. Happily, many non-Hmong Minnesotans shared
the Hmong group's outrage about the comments, but others accused the
Hmong of having thin skin, or expressed approval of the racist
sentiments.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Rhiannon, 28, white female
<rock0048@tc.umn.edu>,
Minneapolis , MN
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
A person's place in society is largely dependent on where
that person wants it to be. I hear all of these complaints about how
racist America is. If that were true, then no one from the "oppressed
groups" could ever get ahead. In this society, we see members of all
groups that are successful. We live in a very competitive society.
Society does not wait around for you to feel sorry for yourself; it
goes on without you. Too many people are looking for an easy way, and
there has never been a substitute for hard work and education. Very
few people outwork the Asians in this country that I have known. This
is a credit to them and their culture.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Jas, white, straight male, Norcross, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
As an African American whose ancestors have been here for
generations and have been systematically kept out of the American
dream, I find your question, however well-meaning, somewhat
insulting. While it may be true that some segment of the Asian
population is doing well, I doubt very much that the entire Asian
population should be held up as the model for the rest of us to
follow. The black experience in America is different from that of
other ethnic minorities. We are still recovering from the many
devastating aspects of slavery. Meanwhile, discrimation is still
rampant in this society, and I doubt many would disagree that black
folks are still the hardest hit. While you may have come to the land
of milk and honey to prosper, some of us are still trying to recover
from 400 years of slavery.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Gerry, African American, Boston, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I agree with the sentiments expressed in J. Chin's
original question. I'm a white male, and I've always pondered how
Asians are so successful in a country that is considered so racist.
And they are successful. Some of the responses stating that Asians,
too, experience poverty are irrelevant. All races experience poverty,
including whites. However, I believe Asians earn more on average than
whites, live longer and have lower crime rates. Any disparities
between whites and other races in these areas have always been
attributed to racism. I have to be honest, I'm starting to question
if that is indeed the case. I do recognize the existence of racism,
but not nearly to the degree that some people claim. I don't see how
events that occurred 160 years ago have a large impact today. How do
I have an advantage over the African-American student beside me in
English class?
POSTED MARCH 9, 1999
Matt, 19, white male, OH
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R597: I work with an Asian man who makes slurping and other
noises while working. It has become very disruptive to me, but how do
I tell him to stop when I can't even describe what's bothering me?
Would it be very offensive to ask him to stop making all these
strange noises?
POSTED FEB. 5, 1999
29, Caucasian, New York, NY
ANSWER 1:
A lot of men from Asia seem to make slurping noises, etc.,
when they eat - my immigrant father does. I've tried telling him to
stop, but it's totally a cultural difference that is hard to bridge.
He's just too used to doing it. I suppose he thinks I'm too quiet
when I eat. If it bothers you, either politely talk to him about it
or leave the room.
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Ray, 24, Asian American
<yangban@erols.com>,
Washington, DC
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think the noisemaking comes from a certain personality
type that likes the vibrating sensation, rather than for cultural
reasons. I'm Chinese, and I've known both whites and Chinese who have
made all kinds of distracting noises at work, from Three Stooges
noises to humming. Let him know that his outbursts break your train
of thought. You may need to ask him to restrain himself more than
once. Don't get upset if you do ask him.
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Mike, Chinese male
<leungm@ix.netcom.com>,
Minneapolis, MN
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I would not assume that your friend will be offended if
you explain to him the etiquette of the society he lives in. I lived
in Asia, and I became a "slurper," learning a new way to enjoy some
excellent food. When I'm in the company of my Japanese
friends, I ravenously inhale my soup. But with fellow Americans, I
restrain that impulse. Your friend, if he has basic decency, will
probably begin to do the same. Also know that I was actually happy to
be corrected when my Western behavior clashed with local
expectations, because it gave me the chance to consider making an
adaptation. Sometimes these cultural habits are so subtle that we
don't notice them on our own. But as your annoyance with the slurping
sound indicates, they can mean a lot to some people. Your friend may
be grateful to be taught that slurping is considered ill-mannered in
this society.
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Parker, 36, white male
<sparker@neptune.net>,
Orange County, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I don't think he will take offense if you ask him nicely.
By the way, what kind of work are you engaged in? Asians do not
always make noises when working, except perhaps grunting in manual
labor.
POSTED FEB. 8, 1999
Echo, 14
<brightex@hotmail.com>,
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R596: Why is it that in college, all of the black people group
together, and all of the Hispanics group together, and other groups
distance themselves from whites? I came to college to get away from
that, and it only seems worse.
POSTED FEB. 4, 1999
S. Sommer
<sommerst@Pilot.msu.edu>,
East Lansing, MI
ANSWER 1:
I wonder about that too. In my school (Eastern Michigan),
we have this place called the "Eastern Eateries." There are times
when whites will sit on one side and blacks on the other. In college
it seems people want to stay with what's comfortable, what's
familiar. Also, I think the Greek system is partly to blame. Not that
they'll ban me for joining a "wite" fraternity, but the very nature
of the system. In every college, there are "black" and "white"
fraternities and sororities. They never do anything together. They
just do their own thing. It's really sad, but I think some people who
are "Greek" do it to stay away from the opposite race and be
closed-minded forever.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Peter, 23, black male, Ypsilanti , MI
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R595: I am a 26-year-old professional African-American woman.
I feel that in my workplace, my white colleagues don't respect me as
their equal, even after five years of working there. I am a very
ambitious, aggressive and outgoing person. I seek their friendship
from time to time, but they just reject me. They ask each other out
to dinner around me, etc., but don't ask me. I have another co-worker
who is black, and she is treated the same way. I know we have some
relationship problems where I work, but how can I change this? I have
read and listened to people talk about this problem in America. I
have often thought about transferring to another department, but my
peers have always said that won't help. Most white people are
intimidated at the thought of having a black person working beside
them. Still, what can be done to have equality?
POSTED FEB. 3, 1999
Aubrey D., 26, black female
<teach5@writemail.com>,
Indianapolis, IN
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R594: I have come across a higher percentage of black families
that seem to like their houses very dark. I've been in quite a few
homes where they have the living room darkened with the shades and
such low light that you can hardly see. Why is this?
POSTED FEB. 3, 1999
Scott, white male, Cleveland, OH
ANSWER 1:
Interesting. I've often wondered why white people keep
their blinds and draperies open so that people can see inside their
houses from the street. I wonder if you were visiting these homes
during a party. I have observed that predominantly white parties are
very bright, with all the lights on, while blacks prefer a more
romantic and intimate setting for a party.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Rain, African American, Dallas , TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I can't help but wonder how many black homes you have been
in to get this percentage. Perhaps you happened to visit African
Americans who like their privacy. It seems to be a rather innocent
question you could have posed to the person you were visiting. I
haven't found this to be the case when I lived in Ohio, but it
happens more in Texas, where I reside now, because it is hot and
extremely bright outside.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Taliba
<aja6311@unix.tamu.edu>,
Houston , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Growing up, I noticed that when I visited poorer relatives
in lower-income areas, they did keep their houses dark. When I
visited white friends from high school who lived in the same city but
in middle-class neighborhoods, their houses were more open and
bright. I observed differences in decorating taste as well. Blacks I
knew were more likely to have colored rooms (dark pinks, blues,
greens) with the same color on the ceilings. When I visited the homes
of whites, their homes were typically painted in neutral colors with
white ceilings.
I think the differences you are noticing go beyond the scope of
race and extend to social class, economic status and personal taste.
Consider, too, the time period. When I was growing up, my mother
preferred neutral colors and lightweight curtains. However, she now
favors soft pastels and blinds. If there is any demographic variable
that has a greater influence, I'd venture it is economic class. Based
on my experience, I think the logic is that older, worn, dirty or
otherwise flawed furniture and walls are less noticed in dimmer
light. And a white co-worker says her parents, who grew up poor, kept
their windows covered for fear of tempting others to burglarize their
home because their possessions were easily seen. Even though they are
better off now, they still keep their blinds shut. I have other
relatives, too, who are middle-class, have nice homes but cover their
furniture in plastic.
Our attitudes about possessions, wealth and security influence our
surroundings. Don't forget personal taste. While I favor neutral
paints, antiques, African art and wood finishes, I prefer exposed
windows during the day and dim lighting in the evenings. I noticed,
too, like another respondent, that geography influences whether a
home is decorated to retract light or not.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
Zawadi, black female, 34
<aquarius9@hotmail.com>,
Detroit, MI
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R593: Why do some black families (and European immigrant
families) tend to cover their furniture with plastic or sheets?
POSTED FEB. 3, 1999
Scott, white male, Cleveland, OH
ANSWER 1:
I'm a European immigrant to Canada. We always cover our
furniture with sheets, basically to protect it and to make it last
longer. The rationale behind it is that we can wash the sheets but
not the couch, etc.
POSTED FEB. 5, 1999
Rosinka, female, Edmonon Alberta Canada
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R592: I have seen quite a few white Generation X kids who have
styled their hair with dreadlocks. Why do you do this, and how do you
get your straight hair to lock?
POSTED FEB. 2, 1999
B., Washington, DC
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
R591: I would like to know why some people think Ebonics
should be taught in our schools. Do they think corporate America will
use or accept this at some point? And do they feel it is OK for our
young not to learn proper English?
POSTED FEB. 2, 1999
J.V.B. <Rum7@aol.com>,
Jacksonville, FL
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