Sensitive 11-20
WARNING: The questions and answers below have been
determined by Y? to be of a highly sensitive nature. While no
profanity is allowed, the material may be sexually explicit. Do not
view this page if you are under the age of 18. If you are 18 or over
and are not offended by material of a sexual or otherwise mature
nature, feel free to browse the questions, some of which may still
await answers. You are encouraged to post an answer if you like, but
please read the guidelines for answering
questions before making a posting.
POLICY NOTE: Y? entertains questions related to
sexual information and myths rather than techniques. In most cases,
we ask that users post "how-to" questions seeking detailed
information about sexual practices to specific web sites dealing with
sexology or sex therapy (there are plenty). For example, Y? would be
more likely to post a question or answer related to whether men like
or dislike performing oral sex as opposed to how to best perform it.
Or whether women engage in masturbation as often as men, as opposed
to what the best techniques for this sexual practice may be. These
are valid questions in the area of sexology but generally do not fall
within the scope of Y?'s mission.
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THE
QUESTION:
SE20: My girlfriend(s) have experienced what may be referred
to as "flooding" orgasms; they seemed to have discharged in excess of
a cup of fluid. It didn't seem to be urine (no odor). Could someone
please tell me what the discharge is and its cause, and is it
common?
POSTED MAY 6, 1998
J. H., 31, male, Starkville, MS
(Similar question posted July 16, 1998, by D. Turner, male,
<Kquinn@tassie.net.au>,
Hobart, Tasmania, Australia)
ANSWER 1:
It is completely normal. I have heard it referred to in
magazines as "female ejaculation." I don't know how common it is, but
it happens to me, and close friends have said it happens to them,
too.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Jan, Louisville, KY
FURTHER NOTICE:
This is most commonly caused by the G-spot being more
aroused than just the clitoris. I have never experienced this, but I
read about it in The Joys of Lesbian Sex.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
Marci, 20, Wichita, KS
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
When I have experienced this, it has been caused
exclusively by clitoral stimulation and is not associated with
orgasm. It does not happen often, and when I feel it coming on, I can
prevent it if I concentrate and remove the stimulation for a moment.
The fluid seems to be escaping through the urethra, not the vagina,
but is musk-odored, not urine-odored. This can happen even after I
have urinated, so I have always wondered where exactly it comes from
or is stored.
I've always been a bit embarrassed about it, especially because
I've read male "sexperts" claim female ejaculation is a myth. A
couple of times it has happened dramatically with partners; one
partner was delighted, the other was disgusted because he thought I
had just urinated on the bed. I too am very curious just how common
this is in the population at large.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Ptolomaea Z., Sunnyvale, CA
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
SE19: Why is it that I can bring a black woman to orgasm
quicker and more frequently than a white woman?
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Wc2, Terre Haute, IN
ANSWER 1:
Your problem is not that black women reach orgasm quicker
than white women, it is that you are putting more effort into the
black women. You know the expression "once you've had black, you can
never go back"? That would certainly seem to pertain in this case.
Maybe you should concentrate on the more ethnic women and move away
from their Caucasian sisters.
POSTED MAY 6, 1998
E.M.W. <joaeva>, Albuquerque,
NM
FURTHER NOTICE:
I'm a white woman in her 30s who would like to comment on
my observation of black women: They seem to be much more in touch
with their sexuality and know what they want out of a sexual
relationship. I admire this. White women I know have more difficulty
expressing themselves sexually. This may be why the white women you
get involved with seem less responsive than most of the black women
you have had sexual encounters with. (Also, if you are white male, it
may be that the exotic nature of your encounters with black women is
what stimulates them more.)
POSTED MAY 7, 1998
Ashley, white female, Miami, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To E.M.W.: Black women may initially be more in touch with
natural female sexuality (as a result of cultural tradition rather
than ethnicity); however, once a white female is comfortable with her
partner, I believe she's every bit as responsive. Our fires may take
a bit longer to light, but once lit, they burn every bit as
brightly.
Cynthia H., white, 38, Irvine, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I think black women are initially more in touch with their
sexuality and are able to let go and relax more, whereas white women
have traditionally been raised to be more uncomfortable with their
bodies, especially during sex. White women have been taught sex is
"dirty" or "evil," and they have a hard time letting go of those
associations and being comfortable with their orgasms.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Tara, white female
<TaraSlo@aol.com>, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
As a black woman I find these answers interesting indeed.
They have a lot more to do with perceptions on the part of white
males and females that we are "hot" than any reality I am aware of.
And I'd say I'm certainly in a more knowledgeable position than the
previous answerers.
POSTED JAN. 12, 1999
T.A, black female, Raleigh, NC
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
SE18: In male gay relationships, is one partner always the
receiver in anal intercourse encounters, or do they take turns?
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
Tina P.
<t150@lambton.on.ca>
Sarnia, Ontario, Canada
ANSWER 1:
There are some gay men who are receivers only, some who
give only, and then there are some who both give and take. Take any
combination and you have the potential for a relationship and any
number of challenges to overcome.
POSTED MAY 6, 1998
Steve N., gay male
<blaster7@hotmail.com>,
Dallas, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
Everything Steve N. said is right, but there are also gay
men who do not engage in anal sex. Some of this is surely from fear
of HIV, but I know several gay men who, even before HIV was known to
be a concern, did not practice anal sex.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Brian V., 25, queer male, Vancouver, BC, Canada
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
SE17: Why do most men fantasize about having a threesome with
two other women, yet this does not seem to be a big thrill for
women?
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
James Z., 26, Ann Arbor, MI
ANSWER 1:
I asked a male friend this question once and he told me a
few things: 1) Men like to fantasize about women together because
then they don't have to envision looking at a naked guy - it spoils
the picture. 2) Men are visually stimulated. 3) Any guy who says he
isn't turned on by two women together is lying.
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Evin B., white female
<evinb@hotmail.com>
Austin, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I do not claim to be an expert on the psyche or sexual
tendencies, but I have a pretty good guess. The difference may be in
the way men and women feel about monogamy. I have heard that women
seem to be more monogamous than men because of mating instincts.
Women require one man to become pregnant and then gestate for 40
weeks, which allows for emotional attachment to the child and the
person with whom the child was created. Men are not limited in their
procreation. Once they mate, they do not require nine months before
they can do it again. Some experts believe these differences in
mating abilities drive the sexual appetite. Thus, women are more
monogamous than men. A woman's desire for monogamy may rule out a
threesome even if her partner would like one. A man, on the other
hand, may see it as an easier method than traveling somewhere else to
get his next conquest. On a personal note: Although I don't care what
people do in the privacy of their own home, the idea of being with
another woman or seeing two men together disgusts me. I understand
some people like it, but it is not for me.
POSTED MAY 7, 1998
M.B., 24, female, Warren, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To M.B.: It is true that in many animals, a male's
function is purely to fertilize eggs. It is also true that a male is
capable under perfect conditions of being the father of many more
children than a female is. However, there are several points to make
about humans as animals. Testes size (relative to body weight)
increases in relation to the number of matings or offspring in
mammals. Human males have small testes in comparison to polygamous
mammals. A second point is that human children require a lot of
prenatal care and would at one time have needed at least two
caregivers. Many birds in the same situation are monogamous. However,
many birds that appear to be monogamous manage to get extra matings.
The chicks are still raised by two parents, but not necessarily their
own father. I think here lies the answer to the behavior of many
humans. Many people in relationships "cheat" on their partners, and
many men raise children who are not really their own. Humans, like
birds, will often have sex outside their pairing if they think they
can get away with it. We have humans who choose to live monogamously,
polyandrously, polygymously and celibately. I think women and men
both fantasize about sex with more than one person and that
these fantasies relate to our modern environment and personal
influences during our impressionable years - not to genetic
influences.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Beth, monogamous, Edinburgh, UK
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
My thoughts on why most women are less interested in
threesomes have more to do with the way many men seem able to
separate sexuality from love and emotional bonding, while many women
combine them, wanting to make love because they are either
feeling love for their sexual partner and/or are wanting to
feel loved.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
DykeOnByke, monogamous lesbian
<DykeOnByke@aol.com>,
Southfield, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think DykeonByke has hit the nail on the head. I will
add that it's important to remember that the idea of a threesome (in
any combination of genders) among most men is just a fantasy, and if
confronted with an actual multi-partner scenario, many would not be
as aroused as they imagine.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Darley, male, 34, Ann Arbor MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I am female and have been involved in a threesome and in
one "partner swapping." The threesome was a sort of "accident." We
were all there and it happened. I didn't think it was really
enjoyable. For a threesome to really work well, the women have to be
comfortable with touching, etc., from another woman, even if the
touching is only by accident. This may be why more women do not
fantasize about them; also, the thought of a threesome with two men
makes me sick. The "partner swapping" was exciting, and it was
interesting to watch the other couple at the same time anticipating
trying it with their current partner. (By the way, always have safe
sex, especially in these situations.)
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Jessi, 23, white, Columbus, OH
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SE16: How do transvestites who are not going through the
process of a sex change operation get their chest to look so real? I
look at RuPaul, and the breasts look quite real.
POSTED APRIL 20, 1998
Apryl P. black
<apryl@mail-me.com>
Oak Park, MI
ANSWER 1:
Two ways: Males who are transsexual usually take estrogen
as carefully prescribed and monitored by an endocrinologist. Among
other things, this changes skin texture, shifts the position in which
the body carrys fat and grows breast tisue. In young men, this can
result in breasts about the size of their sister's. In older men, the
growth happens but is not as pronounced. So the second thing is to
have breast implants, so that the estrogen-enhanced breast can be
increased to look proportional to the rest of the body. This is often
done by males-in-transition to female to help them avoid attention
from looking flat-chested.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Allison M.
<good1@halcyon.com>,
Seattle, WA
FURTHER NOTICE:
RuPaul has perfect breasts because RuPaul is a
transvestite - a man who dresses up as a woman. A transvestite is not
going through a sex change but is just playing around, and remains a
man. A transsexual (described in the previous post) is changing the
whole enchilada. Administered estrogen stimulates breast development,
using the same genes any other woman uses to grow breasts.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Jessica
<jessicalh@hotmail.com>,
Seattle, WA
To respond
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THE QUESTION:
SE15: Are men grossed out at the idea of having sex with a
woman while she is having her period? In my experience, some guys
care and others don't, so I would like to get a general response.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
A.S., 22, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
ANSWER 1:
Definitely not. While some insecure men may not be able to
handle the idea of it, most enjoy the experience. Personally, I have
noticed that once girls get past the initial embarrassment and
awkwardness, they tend to get more into the sexual experience than
under normal situations. Menstruating females tend to get more
aroused, and in my experience, are more likely to climax in such
situations.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
B., 21, straight male, Troy, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
To B.: This is not an insecurity problem, and I'm really
not sure what a person who doesn't like to have sex during a woman's
period has to do with someone's security. I'm married, and when my
wife is on her period, I'm not "grossed out," but I don't prefer
having to clean up blood after having sex.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Rob, 27
<Innvertigo@aol.com>,
Southfield, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I'm a bit torn by this one. My wife and I have sex while
she is menstruating in several different ways. Often it is in the
shower, where cleanup is easy, but just as often we have a towel
beneath us. Her texture feels somewhat "rougher" to me, a pleasurable
sensation. She says it feels wonderful for her at this time, too. And
I can report that, in our case, she gets excited much more frequently
this time of the month than others. As good as it feels for both of
us, however, afterwards is a bit of a concern. I do not like the
sight of blood on my penis, and I quickly "turn off" afterwards,
rather than enjoying our more usual post-encounter cuddling. And she
is very apologetic if there is a "mess." In the shower, again, this
is not a concern. But shower-sex in our house is usually hurried.
(The hot water tank is too small, dammit.) All in all, given the
choice, I'd rather wait until after her period was over, but there
are times when neither of us can wait.
POSTED MAY 4, 1998
Sean, 30, married, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SE14: Director's Paraphrase: Jon, 28, of Walled Lake, MI,
would like to know whether hermaphrodites (people with both male and
female sex organs) feel the same sensation as a woman when they are
having sex with a man. He would also like to know if a hermaphrodite
ejaculates through the penis.
ANSWER 1:
I don't think anybody knows that one, dude.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Zeppelin Rules!, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am no expert on the subject, but I took a psychology
course in college and we talked for a few minutes about
hermaphrodites. It is an incredibly rare occurrance in humans, and,
for the most part, there is almost always a dominant organ. The other
is usually removed soon after birth. If the hermaphrodites did live
for a while with the two organs, I wouldn't know the outcome. But,
for all intents and purposes, it will never happen. The only
hermaphrodites that stay heramaphrodites are lesser animals - worms,
for example, and in that case both organs work and the two fertilize
each other.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Anonymous, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
This was also talked about in my psychology course. I was
told that there is a dominant organ (as stated above) and the other
genitalia doesn't function. My instructor knew a hermaphroditic
female who had never had an operation to remove the penis and
testicles that were of no use to her. He stated that although she was
insecure about her male organs, there was no doubt she was female in
mind or sexuality. She performed just as any female would, and no
more.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
K.R, female, 18
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SE13: Director's Paraphrase: Pat of Detroit, Mich., has asked
a question slightly different from SE4, which was related to whether
black males liked to perform oral sex on their female partners.
Specifically, he would like to know whether there is any truth to the
notion that "African-American males do not like to perform oral sex
on African-American females, but have no problem with the same
act on Caucasian females."
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
ANSWER 1:
I am a white female and have been with (though not
necessarily slept with) a few black men. The majority of their
friends say they don't like to do this just because that is what
people think - but that in reality they do like to do it. The ones I
was with surely didn't mind and didn't expect anything back.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
M.B. white female, 23, Macomb, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
The first time I was with a black man was also the first
time I experienced oral sex. I was actually persuaded by him to
engage in it. He has commented that it is "fun" for him and he likes
it. However, I can't say much about whether black men like to do this
to black women.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
L.M., white female, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As an African-American male, I have never had of any
prejudice against having oral sex with African-American women, any
more than kissing or other forms of sex. Some women are better
kissers, and some may enjoy oral sex more then others, and therefore
be more fun to pleasure in that way. I find the only difference in
the experience to be personal, not racial.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
S.G., African-American male, Studio City, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
As a black woman , I never in all my sexual history knew
black men who did not prefer oral sex. All my past lovers, with the
exception of one, has performed oral sex, and not one of them has
ever asked me to reciprocate, though I don't mind giving back.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
S.H, straight black female, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
This has nothing to do with color. It is preference on the
man and woman's part. I have been with black and white men, and never
once was the color of their skin the reason for having or not having
oral sex. We are all the same, just different in culture; our skin
color does not make us any different from the other.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
T.L., 39, white,
<tlong11@aol.com>,
Jacksonville, FL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SE12: I'm well aware that when a man masturbates, he's
probably got a magazine in front of him or a movie in the VCR. What
do women do or think about when they masturbate?
POSTED APRIL 4, 1998
S.H., 23
<lesterpitt@hotmail.com>
Windsor, Ont., Canada
ANSWER 1:
I generally watch a porn video and imagine I am with a
person I "have the hots for" or that I am in love with. I also can
masturbate while listening to a sexy song.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
M.B., 23, white female, Macomb, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I usually just think about my husband, and how good sex
with him feels.
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
E.P., 25, Washington, D.C.
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I like to look at magazines as well, with men and women in
them.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Angela, Washington, D.C.
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
When I masturbate, I don't need much else but my
imagination. Watching sexually explicit or "R"-rated movies can help
get me in the mood, but by and large, I need only imagine I'm with
someone who loves me and wants to pleasure me.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Tracey M., 31, white female, Columbus, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I may read sexually explicit material, watch myself in a
mirror, watch an X-rated movie or just plain old fantasize.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Amy, Olympia, WA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
If I'm currently attracted to someone (whether a
relationship is involved or not), I may fantasize about being with
them. Otherwise, I usually fantasize about situations which I would
never actually participate in (fantasy allows total control, reality
rarely does). These fantasies may involve another woman or bondage
and other things. Sometimes a video (porn or soft-porn a la HBO
late-night shows) will provide fantasy material. I've never found
looking at magazines to be a turn-on.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
C.A., 42, Portland, OR
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I started off by reading men's sexual fantasies in a book
by Nancy Friday, but pretty soon I didn't need the book anymore and
just imagined the scenarios. I don't think I ever think about the
person I'm with or attracted to; it's usually some nameless female. I
have watched porno movies and soft-porn on HBO, too, but usually
that's not available with roommates around.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Tara, 20
<TaraSLO@aol.com>, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I don't think about anything except about how good it
feels.
POSTED NOV. 13, 1998
Rose, 29, female, Tel Aviv, Israel
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SE11: I've read that women don't often receive their first
orgasms at a young age because the young boys they are with are more
wrapped up into pleasing themselves. Is it possible for a young girl
to reach orgasm if the boy tries to please her, or is her body not
ready for those intense feelings?
POSTED APRIL 1, 1998
M. Wong, 18, female, Doraville, GA
ANSWER 1:
Many young women can reach orgasms at a very early age.
Most of the problem is knowing how to do it. Once that is
established, then it is easier to reach it with a partner. Most
experiences with an orgasm are from masturbation. Once you teach
yourself, the rest is easier. As far as young boys are concerned,
they also just do not know how. Teaching is the best method. Not only
would you be doing yourself a favor, but also any future women in his
life
POSTED APRIL 3, 1998
Dawn E.
<DEdwa10532@AOL.com>
Shelby Twp , MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Yes, it is possible for young girls to reach orgasm. In
most cases, lack of experience is the factor. It is not as easy for a
woman to have an orgasm as it is for a man. It will take time,
patience and a little exploration.
POSTED APRIL 3, 1998
B. Lee, 26, female, Warren, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Yes, it is possible for young girls to reach orgasm, but
it's usually through masturbation. It takes a lot longer to reach
orgasm with a partner. I had my first orgasm through masturbation
when I was 12. I was 19 before a man made me climax.
POSTED APRIL 26, 1998
M.J., 22, female, Toronto, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
When having an orgasm, women may not be in control of
their muscles and their bodies. The muscles tense and the body
stiffens. This experience can be intimidating to young women. I did
not have an orgasm until I found a man with whom I felt completely
comfortable. It may also be that a young girl does not know how to
achieve orgasm because it sometimes requires work. Once a woman has
one, she may learn what creates the needed sensations. This may come
with experience. Also, a youthful partner without control of his
sexual organs may also play a part. It may take time to achieve
orgasm, and some young men may lack the control to suppress their own
orgasm long enough for the girl to accomplish the task. These factors
may be an indication that perhaps the young persons may not be ready
for sexual experiences. It could also mean that the sexual relations
are not with the suitable person or that they haven't got the hang of
it.
POSTED MAY 7, 1998
M.B., 24, female, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I had my first orgasm at 14 during a "heavy makeout
session" with my 16-year-old boyfriend. He touched my clitoris with
his hand. I didn't know what was happening to my body and was
embarrassed lest he notice the rhythmic contractions. Later that
evening, I masturbated to re-experience the sensations. It wasn't
until some time later that I discovered this was an orgasm. So yes,
young boys can please young girls in this way.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Kathy H., 45, white, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I had my first orgasm when I was 10 and fooling around in
the shower; I just didn't know what it was called. I did, however,
know that I liked it. It wasn't until years after I became sexually
active that a man made me climax, and it was only because he was very
attentive and tuned into my needs. So, I think whether or not a young
girl climaxes depends on 1) herself and her ability to please herself
and 2) her partner's ability to tune into her needs.
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
J.W., 33, white female
<jonahthewhale@hotmail.com>,
Honolulu, HI
To respond
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