Sensitive 41-50
WARNING: The questions and answers below have been
determined by Y? to be of a highly sensitive nature. While no
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we ask that users post "how-to" questions seeking detailed
information about sexual practices to specific web sites dealing with
sexology or sex therapy (there are plenty). For example, Y? would be
more likely to post a question or answer related to whether men like
or dislike performing oral sex, as opposed to how to best perform it.
Or whether women engage in masturbation as often as men, as opposed
to what the best techniques for this sexual practice may be. The
latter are valid questions in the area of sexology but generally do
not fall within the scope of Y?'s mission.
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THE
QUESTION:
SE50: I would like to know if it is normal, or common, for
females to have a bad odor from their genital area. If so, is this a
problem of bad hygiene?
POSTED NOV. 17, 1998
Darrin O., male, Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
I have rarely encountered a woman with a "bad" genital
odor. In cases where I have, it was usually because she had a yeast
infection. Not to say this is true in your situation, but it is one
possibility.
POSTED DEC. 2, 1998
Lazarus, 45, white male
<lazarus99@usa.net>,
Atlanta, GA
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THE QUESTION:
SE49: As a gay white male in a relationship with a black male,
I am really curious to ask this but am somewhat afraid to: Do black
men in relationships with white men or women ever feel they are being
sexually stereotyped as aggressive/dominant or "tops"? It seems to me
that in North American culture, black men carry around a lot of
sexual baggage about being sexually aggressive. It must be really
frustrating for black men who are more inclined toward passivity
(particularly for gay black men). Is this so?
POSTED NOV. 13, 1998
D.K., 30, white gay male
<dkerr@uwgt.org>, Toronto,
Ontario, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
SE48: What is an orgasm, and how do you know if you've had one
already?
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Kavita, Indian
<snowyt@hotmail.com>,
Delhi, India
ANSWER 1:
If you haven't had one, you should try masturbation. Touch
where it feels good, keep touching and you'll begin to feel like
you're going to explode. When you feel a wave of ecstacy wash over
your body and you feel so good that you can't touch yourself any
longer, you've had an orgasm. They're much better if you fantasize
also. You should look into some books regarding female sexuality,
which will provide a more in-depth explanation about orgasms.
POSTED JAN. 12, 1999
Jodi, 28, female
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THE QUESTION:
SE47: I would have to say that a lot of black women are sexy.
But why do they claim to be the "freaks" in bed? Personally, I think
it's all talk.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
A. <Didjarama@aol.com>,
Washington, NY
ANSWER 1:
I think you are confusing image with reality. The
perception that black women are somehow more uninhibited than other
women, specifically white women, has been around since slavery. White
women were put on a pedestal, not to be touched, while white men took
care of their business out in the slave quarters. You know the story.
The image continues to persist. To answer your question, we as a
group do not consider ourselves freaks; individuals might.
POSTED JAN. 12, 1999
R.G., black female, 26, Richmond, VA
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THE QUESTION:
SE46: Why do many heterosexual men enjoy watching two women
perform a pornographic lesbian act together? Is it an issue of
voyeurism, or is it the eroticism of seeing two women who will do
anything to satisfy their strong sexual desires, or is IT something
else?
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
S. Foster, 30, gay, Vancouver, B.C., Canada
ANSWER 1:
I believe monogamy in men is grounded more in culture than
anything else. Our biological instinct is to mate with as many women
as possible, but generally we have to settle down with one. The idea
that a woman would be willing to have sex with other women as well as
men implies that if they were with that woman it would be OK to have
sex with other women as well. You will notice that the women
performing these acts are still stereotypical heterosexual women (too
much make-up, long-styled hair and nails, etc.) not the dyke image.
If the performers looked more "dykish" (short hair, no make-up, hairy
pits) then men would likely feel threatened instead of turned on,
even though the acts were the same.
POSTED SEPT. 30, 1998
Ian, heterosexual male, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE:
One point to bear in mind is that the "lesbian acts" you
are talking about are taking place in "heterosexual porn." The
"lesbian" scene in your average porno movie is never complete until
the man comes on, so I think it's a conquest fantasy that is a
turn-on more than anything. By the way, Ian, I guess I am about to
get thrown out of the "dyke" club. I'm sitting here reading this with
my shaved legs (and "pits"!), mascara and long hair...
POSTED OCT. 8, 1998
Iteki, 22, female, Irish, lesbian
<iteki@chickmail.com>,
Stockholm, Sweden
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The reason I enjoy lesbian scenes in erotic movies (I
don't watch porn movies, there's a difference), is two-fold: 1) I am
seeing attractive female bodies naked, and consensual sexual events
are occurring, and 2) seeing a woman enjoying herself is a big
turn-on for me (which I suppose is why female masturbation scenes are
also enjoyable), and there's something warm and pleasant about two
women pleasuring each other. I guess it's partly rooted in the idea
of "who knows what a woman wants more than another woman?"
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
Kevin C., 25, male
<dashit@pei.sympatico.ca>,
Summerside, Prince Edward Island, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
SE45: I have always wondered: Would a woman really enjoy
having two men at the same time?
POSTED SEPT. 7, 1998
J.H. <jhall92@juno.com>,
Taylor, MI
ANSWER 1:
I have, though I have only had the privilege on a few
occasions. Of course, it depends on the men, my mood and what exactly
we're all doing.
POSTED SEPT. 9, 1998
Catherine, Woodinville, WA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I couldn't answer this question until this weekend. I am a
bisexual male and have a boyfriend who, due to career reasons, was
geographically separated from me for a few years. In that time he
gained a girlfriend. I finally met her when they visited me this
weekend, and we hit it right off and had some incredible sex, which
we discussed and talked about later, sharing our feelings, and she
(the girlfriend) was very happy things worked out for all of us and
said she really enjoyed the sex and having two guys pleasuring
her.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
D. Meerkat, 26, bisexual male
<lnx@netcom.com>,
Vancouver, B.C., Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think more women would be into being with multiple men
if men didn't have this annoying attitude toward sex that they are
"putting something over on women" or "getting away with" something.
Honestly, I think I would have to kill the men in question afterward
if I ever were to get involved in such a situation, or else they
would have to be two very rare males indeed. I have no idea where men
get this stupid idea that women don't have sex for the sake of sex,
or that we necessarily have to want something else for which we are
trading sex, but this attitude is the worst possible turn-off
ever.
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
Andreina, female, 31
<andreinaa@usa.net>,
Toronto, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Yes! I have had the experience with two lovers whom I know
well and trust, and enjoyed it immensely. I look forward to trying it
again some time.
POSTED NOV. 29, 1998
KD, IL
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THE QUESTION:
SE44: My wife and I engage in anal intercourse, and I'm
curious about how common this is for married couples.
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
Jay M., 38
<maniswj@nu.com>, Jewett
City, CT
ANSWER 1:
I do not know how common this practice is among married
couples. But, I can say that my ex-husband and I engaged in this
activity occasionally. He was more apprehensive than I was. He feared
he'd hurt me. I had another long-term partner who enjoyed this kind
of sex, and again he always worried that he might hurt me. With both
partners, we always took our time. In other words, I definitely had
to be in the mood to ensure I could relax and, secondly, my partner
was always attentive, taking time to adequately get me aroused and
using a lubricant. There is a different sensual experience with this
form of sex. Never was I made to feel demeaned or harmed by my
partners, which is what I suspect causes either partner to have
apprehension about engaging in anal sex. And yes, I do know of other
married couples who enjoy it.
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Black female, 33, Detroit, MI
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THE QUESTION:
SE43: I've always been curious about how sex feels to a blind
or deaf person. Are there any different issues they face?
POSTED AUG. 31, 1998
T. Sullivan, St. John's, Canada
ANSWER 1:
Being deaf myself and married for 30 years to a hearing
person, I need only signal my partner with a touch and guide him to
what I desire to have done. The same thing goes for him. If you are
really in touch with your lover (hearing, deaf or blind), I think
this is the same for all who are in touch with the one they love. And
yes, sometimes the person doing most of the "action" may have to look
up and see or recognize what it is their partner needs. Don't we all?
At least I think so.
When we are fortunate enough to have an understanding person in
our lives who will take the time to give us the ultimate pleasure,
and we them, it doesn't matter what, if any, disabilities we have.
This happens when you take the time to "know" the one you love, not
only by body language, but by speech or simply touch.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Lindsay, female, deaf, San Antonio, TX
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THE QUESTION:
SE42: From the time a male commences intercourse with a woman,
what is the average amount of time for the man to achieve orgasm? The
woman? I know technique, excitement levels, etc., make this question
challenging, but I'd like to hear answers.
POSTED AUG. 14, 1998
Bruce G.
<spicybyte@aol.com>,
North Hills, CA
ANSWER 1:
You're right; there are so many factors that determine it,
but I'm in a five-year relationship with a "man's man" who rarely
shows affection by hugging, kissing, etc. But, I know that the
bedroom is the only place I can draw that out of him. So I'm turned
on by the challenge and knowing I'm about to get the touching and
physicality some couples have grown "immune" to. So it only takes me
a few minutes of his hands on me before I'm ready to climax.
POSTED AUG. 17, 1998
S.G., female, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
It took me many girl-to-girl talks before I realized all my
lovemaking partners had been two-minute wonders. I've been blessed
with men since who have had double-digit endurance, some even into
the hours, and all that I found to be troubling occasionally
was a lack of lubrication. Easily remedied. In all other respects, I
find that intercourse is more satisfying when longer rather than
shorter.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Aris A., 21, white/Hispanic female
<Arissssss@aol.com>,
Alameda, Bay Area, CA
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THE QUESTION:
SE41: Why do many men wish to ejaculate in a woman's mouth?
What is the turn-on?
POSTED AUG. 14, 1998
Sarah, Flint, MI
ANSWER 1:
I often ponder what is the most base instinct involved
with certain, common sexual practices. The one I've come up with for
this act is that the man sees the need for approval from the woman.
What better way for her to say, "I accept you," than for her to
swallow a fluid that came directly from his body and obviously can
symbolize so many other things of the greatest importance. To
accentuate that point, I know of a great many men, myself included,
who get turned off, and even offended, when he is spit out.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
Jeff, 30, male, NY, NY
FURTHER NOTICE:
I love doing this, and my wife seems to like giving me
this pleasure. The physical sensation is quite different from being
in her vagina, and that is part of the pleasure. But, yes, it's also
a psychological turn-on. Part of it is watching her in this act,
seeing the pleasure on her face and seeing the control she has over
my orgasm.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
Male <sfb98@yahoo.com>,
Clearwater, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think it's an ego thing. I've asked male friends the
same question, and a lot of them say it is not so much a turn-on as a
feeling that the woman is accepting her partner "wholly" and
"completely."
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
S.C.V., 18
<carricos@usa.net>
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I don't think it's so much where the ejaculation occurs.
It's more that the ejaculation is allowed to progress to its
conclusion without interruption.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
Jim, 39 <RDK1999@aol.com>,
Tallahassee, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Because it feels good. There's a feeling of intimacy, much
like an orgasm during intercourse, that doesn't exist just
ejaculating onto something else.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
Straight guy, Long Island, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
It's nothing more than a huge turn-on. To watch, feel and
hear my woman swallow my ejaculation is highly erotic. It is as
simple as that. I don't think she enjoys the stuff too much, but she
takes it anyway. That makes it that much more exciting.
POSTED AUG. 21, 1998
Jim, 34, white, Ark.
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Once in a while, I allow my husband to ejaculate into my
mouth. He tells me it makes him feel powerful ... and loved. He says
my submission to him is a real turn-on. And that me swallowing his
semen is the ultimate submission. I can't argue. It is not the most
dignified of acts, and the taste is downright repulsive. But I do
find some enjoyment in it - the "puppy dog"-like satisfaction of my
husband for one! So I do it. He adorses it, and I'm learning to enjoy
it some myself.
POSTED AUG. 21, 1998
Penny, 30, white, Columbus, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
It appears in the responses so far that there is an
underlying sentiment of the man being "powerful" and "accepted" and
the woman being "submissive" in digesting this bodily fluid. Isn't it
proof enough for a man that the woman he loves accepts him by
performing this act, not to mention the countless other nonsexual
acts she performs? How is it loving on a man's part to subject your
partner to this as part of the lovemaking act if she really isn't
comfortable with it?
POSTED AUG. 25, 1998
Daquiri, female, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
To Daquiri: If the woman is uncomfortable with it or
doesn't want to do it, then it's not loving at all. But the original
question here didn't include that caveat.
POSTED AUG. 27, 1998
Straight guy, Long Island, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I think it is an ego thing for a man to ejaculate into a
woman's mouth ,and they love to watch the act itself. I enjoy the
power I have by letting them do it in my mouth. it gives me the
control to let them or not. If I can make him feel good, why not?
Basically it's called returning the favor. I also get off by watching
him while I am doing the act. I have control and he is getting
pleasure. It is all about if you enjoy pleasing your man. I recommend
all women try it at least once. The taste is horrible but the outcome
is great. Watch how he responds to you afterward, like a grateful
baby after getting breastfed.
POSTED SEPT. 19, 1998
Dorothy, 26, black female, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
To Daquiri: I see your meaning, but I have to disagree in
part. You see, sometimes my man does things for me sexually that I'm
sure don't rate high on his list of favorites. But he obliges anyway.
So when I give him "felatio to completion," I see it as sort of a
reciprocation. Submission can be kind of a thrill if you let it be
and if it's with a man who gives back and respects you. So when both
parties are submitting at times to the other's desires, the sexual
relationship benefits. So it's OK with me!
POSTED SEPT. 19, 1998
Tish, 34, white, Denver, CO
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I think it is all about the man's ego - they want to have
power over the woman. They know that is not something we would like,
even if we are engaging in the act itself. They know we don't want
them to ejaculate in our mouth, and I think they do it to have power.
Especially the ones who ejaculate in your mouth without warning you.
They do that on purpose, so to me that would tell you they don't
really care about you - they only care about"getting off."
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Black female, 27, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
While the "ego" and "power" theories may be true in some
cases, it never was for me. The first time a woman ever performed
oral sex on me, it was a spontaneous, off-the-cuff occurence, and it
was, at that point, the most incredible orgasm I ever had in my life.
For me, it has nothing to do with the fact that my semen is going in
her mouth, or the fact that she's going to swallow it. In fact, I
would not want a woman to perform oral sex on me if I didn't
implicitly trust her, because I would feel the opposite of power,
since my penis is millimeters away from her teeth. The physical
sensations of tongue, saliva and suction combine to make the most
physically pleasing (to me) sex act of them all. I am no longer with
that woman, and the woman I am with now decided she doesn't want to
engage in oral sex after trying it once. It's a disappointment,
because I enjoy it, but if she doesn't, I'll live with it.
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
Kevin C., 25, male
<dashit@pei.sympatico.ca>,
Summerside, Prince Edward Island, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
I just wanted to respond to the black female from Detroit
who thinks it's a power thing to have the person you're with swallow.
How would she feel if her lover kept turning his head and spitting
while he was satisfying her? That would be kind of a turn-off, don't
you think? It's more about acceptance than power, I think.
POSTED NOV. 16, 1998
Paul, Livonia, MI
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