Sexual Orientation
Questions 81-90
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THE
QUESTION:
SO90: A young man I recently met told me that most gay men
were at one point in their lives heterosexual. Is this a realistic
point of view, or are most gay men born gay and just spend a portion
of their lives not realizing it because of cultural stigma?
POSTED OCT. 29, 1998
Lisa S., 26, Hispanic, San Diego, CA
ANSWER 1:
It probably is correct ro say that most gay men at some
point in their live tried to be heterosexual, forced to do so by the
social pressure to flirt and date women, or by a feeling of
inadequacy because of their being gay. Often this heterosexual phase
corresponds to an attempt to cure yourself from your true feelings.
There are very few who lived most of their lives being "straight" and
suddenly realized that the male physique and personality was
something they were more comfortable with and found more fascinating.
The distinct majority of gays (and lesbians for that matter) have
felt attracted to the same sex for all their lives and just masked it
or tried to expunge it from time to time to comply with external
pressure.
POSTED NOV. 2, 1998
Rob, 28, German, gay
<rob_ma@hotmail.com>,
Austin, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO89: I am a 23-year-old college student who is about to move
into my first house. My roommates are female and are a lesbian
couple. I am straight and would just like to know what things I can
say or shouldn't say when we live together. We have all hung out
together, and they are the nicest people. I haven't even told my
parents about them yet because I really don't think it's any of their
business, and I'm not sure if I should. I think I have a pretty open
mind, but I just don't want to step on anyone's toes.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Tia, 23, straight female
<tia.larue@mailcity.com>,
Raleigh, NC
ANSWER 1:
What exactly are you worried about? Are you afraid you
might say the wrong thing? Are you afraid they may try to come onto
you? That you may catch them makin' out? Just because they are gay
does not mean you should treat them any differently than any other
couple you could have moved in with. There is, however, one important
consideration you should keep in mind: That being your dates. You
will find there may be two or three kinds of men: 1) Those who are
not bothered and couldn't care less about the sexual nature of your
roommates, 2) Those who will be very homophobic to the point where
they could pose a problem for you or your roomies, and 3) Those
obsessed with getting one or both of your roomies in bed because they
think that we (lesbians) are a turn-on for straight guys. My sister
is very clear to all the guys who show an interest in her that she
has a gay sister and that if they have a problem with it, they can
get lost. Some have walked, but they were not worth her time, anyway.
Also, keep in mind that if your boyfriend does become obsessed with
the sexual nature of your roomies, it is not your roomies fault. I'm
not saying you would, but some girls feel it is the fault of the gay
person rather than the stright dude who is obsessed. If a problem
should arise, just deal with it as you would with any other coupled
roomies. And you are right in not telling your parents. It is none of
their business, and it is not your place to out your roommates to
them. Good luck and relax. Just have fun, study hard ... and get good
grades!
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Garet, 27, gay woman, St.Petersburg, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
This is a desision you will have to make, however I would
like to disagree with the woman from St. Petersburg. I do not believe
there is such a thing as a homopobe. Some of us do not believe this
is a natural way of life, and neither do we fall for the lies of the
liberal scientists. We must make judgment calls on everyone we hang
around with. If we hang with thieves, we have a tendency to care a
little less for the property of others; if we hang around druggies,
we have a tendency to care a little less about the effects of dope.
People who say, "I have an open mind" typically just want to be liked
by others. I like myself very much, but I can't condone the acts of
homosexuals, abortionists, wife beaters, or druggies. We have to dig
inside of ourselves and not worry so much about stepping on someone's
toes. By no means do I condone being mean, but we do not have to
tolerate this type of behavior. To me, tolerance is acceptance, and
acceptence is condoning.
POSTED NOV. 2, 1998
G.R.G., 33, male, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I disagree with both responses. Regardless of their
sexuality, I question whether it's in your best interest to move in
with a couple unless you're clearly renting from them. The most
important point concerns issues in their relationship affecting the
entire household. In addition, each person theoretically has an equal
say in all house matters. Do you think this situation would promote
that? I don't, but then I also don't know you or your potential
roommates. However, I think it's something to take into
consideration.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
D. Nichols, gay male, 34, Seattle, WA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
To G.R.G: If there is no such thing as a homophobe, then
who is it that beats and kills gay people? I don't think it's people
who merely don't condone homosexuality. I find your post, with its
condemnation of tolerance, very frightening and anti-Christian, yet
most people who think that way try to justify their thinking as
somehow mandated by Christianity. The Jesus I know from the
Bible hung around with thieves and prostitutes, and made a point of
extending his love toward those who society deemed unworthy. To me,
tolerance does not imply condoning something; it means a "Live and
let live" attitude. Do you see how someone could be frightened by
your remarks, and be left wondering what exactly you would feel it
necessary to do to demonstrate your non-acceptance of
homosexuality?
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
S.W., CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Tia, I commend you for wanting to be sensitive. I would
advise you to relax and take situations as they come. I always
appreciate when my friends are honest with me, saying that they are
feeling awkward about a situation and are not sure how to handle it.
Then we can talk about it and go from there. I think the same thing
would work for you. The mere fact that you are comfortable enough to
move in the same house with them indicates you should do OK. Just
keep those lines of communication open. And my opinion is that under
no circumstances should you out them to anyone (your parents,
houseguests, anyone). I know you didn't ask this as part of your
question, but I feel strongly about it so I thought I would throw it
in.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
Annie, 28, lesbian, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To G.R.G.: It's a good thing Jesus didn't share your views
on tolerance and acceptance. He'd never have made any headway with
Mary Magdalene and all those other so-called "sinners'' he tolerated
and accepted.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
Andrew, 34, straight
<ziptron@xoommail.com>,
Huntington, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I am a lesbian and have been involved with my partner for
four years. While in college, we lived together with a good friend
who happened to be straight. The arrangement worked out very well,
but I believe it to be more a result of all three of us respecting
each other than anything else. You asked what, if anything, you may
want to avoid saying or doing that they may find offensive. Other
than the obvious (homophobic accusations), my suggestion to you would
be to just ask. I have been asked this same question by my family
when I first came out to them. I was impressed with their
consideration and sensitivity that they would even inquire. I would
guess your roommates would be as well.
POSTED DEC. 11, 1998
M.G., 24, lesbian, OR
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I feel it very forward-thinking of you to be concerned
about how others feel. If there is any advice I can offer, as a
36-year-old lesbian, it is to respect their privacy concerning their
relationship. I wouldn't consider telling your parents, without
consulting the couple on how they feel. It has been my experience
that some people look at having gay folk in their lives as a novelty,
or trendy. Be wary of these people, as they can make your life and
that of the couple you'll be living with awkward. Keep the doors of
communication open between yourselves, and I think you'll be
fine.
POSTED FEB. 16, 1999
Ghaedeigh M., 36, lesbian, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO88: Does the gay/lesbian community think that Anne Heche is
really a homosexual? Because I think Ellen is a great person and I
think Heche is using her, or she's up to no good. Please both
heterosexuals and homosexuals respond.
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
J. Bennett, 21, straight, Jacksonville, FL
ANSWER 1:
Since the following all happened within a month: 1) Ellen
and Anne's relationship started, 2) Their relationship went public,
3) Ellen's widely anticipated Coming Out show aired, and 4) Anne's
first big movie Volcano opened, I too was initially very
suspicious of Anne's motivations. I first started to reevaluate when
E&A actually made fun of this suspicion. Then I learned that
Anne's father, closeted, died of AIDS and Anne was quoted as saying
"Denying your sexuality can kill you." They've now been together for
almost two years. I think Anne (and her relationship with Ellen) is
for real.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Judy F., 36, bisexual
<alexant@juniata.edu>,
Huntingdon, PA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO87: I am a white, gay, professional 35-year-old male
currently living in Philadelphia (Center City). My partner (a
physician) and I wish to move to a modestly affluent suburb. I am
feeling very vulnerable about leaving the city. How do "straight"
people feel when they realize their new neighbors are gay? Do people
really care that much? It would help to know.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Joe D., 35, gay male, Philadelphia, PA
ANSWER 1:
Some will hate you with a passion that defies
comprehension, some will consider your orientation irrelevant, some
will not know what to think. My gay acquaintances tell me that there
are well-established networks in the gay/lesbian communities. Check
out your neighborhoods before you make a down payment.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Al,straight, 59
<alarose@ncwc.edu>, Rocky
Mount, NC
FURTHER NOTICE:
Your neighbors will probably gossip about you initially,
but they probably won't try to run you out of the neighborhood.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Straight white female, 31, Panama City, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I could care less if my neighbors are gay or straight. It
would be naive, however, to expect everyone to think that way. One
way to get a good read on things is to go house-hunting as a couple.
See how the real estate agent, home sellers, etc., react. For what
it's worth, although it's true suburbs tend to be more conservative
than cities, most suburbs are more sophisticated and tolerant than
one suspects - particularly in a suburb of a larger city. My own
suburb, for example, has an annual gay pride parade.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Andrew, 34, straight suburb dweller
<ziptron@xoommail.com>,
Huntington, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
We live in a somewhat "redneck" suburb south of
Indianapolis, Ind. (Dan Quayle's home state), are very "out" and have
had very few problems in our 13 years here. We've made a point to be
polite and friendly to all our neighbors, nodding or waving when we
see one another taking out trash or whatever. When we see someone
doing yard work we offer to lend a tool that might help them, and
when we've gotten kid books at a book conference we offer them to the
parents of the neighbor kids (not to the kids themselves - call it
paranoia if you like). When the kids become teenagers and are
standing around in groups, we make a point to make eye contact with
the ones we know and nod politely. We hug and kiss goodbye in the
morning and hello in the evening, hold hands on our neighborhood
walks,and don't hesitate to show we love each other, and have never
even been called ugly names. It's all in behaving as though you have
a right to live on the planet, no more or less than your neighbors,
we think.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Becky, 55
<bthacker@iupui.edu>,
Indianapolis, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
It's all going to depend on your neighbors. Not all
straights are the same, just like not all homosexuals talk with a
lisp or vote Democrat. I am a straight, very conservative white male,
but some of my best friends are gay, black and/or liberal. The
biggest thing your neighbors will care about is how your moving into
town will effect their property values. If they think having gay
neighbors will lower their values, they'll treat you the same way
they treat other minorities in the same situation. The majority of
them will probably realize your sexuality will have no effect on
them, and they'll be cool. Unfortunately, they will probably be wary
of letting their children play near your home. The stereotype of the
homosexual pedophile is disgustingly prevalent in suburban America.
But I'm sure you've had to deal with worse. Good luck.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
B., 23, straight white male, Kokomo, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I live in a rural town in Connecticut that has a few
established homosexual households. These people are surprisingly
well-accepted. I have even heard old-timers say things like "He is as
queer as a three-dollar bill, but he pays on time, so I'll keep
working for him." Moral of the story: You may be grist for the rumor
mill, especially at first, but living in Pennsylvania or New England,
I think you'll still be OK leaving the city. Just beware of pockets
of religious fanaticism.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Lynda, 28, straight female, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Joe, Since you and your partner are moving to an
"affluent" neighborhood, you shouldn't encounter too many woes. Being
that your new neighbors would be mostly successful and medium-well
educated (which usually falls in line with being more open-minded),
you guys will probably be accepted very well. My partner and I were
the first gay couple on our block in a middle-class neighborhood in
Houston, where we have been for six years. All of our neighbors
absolutely love us, and each of them have told us this personally (in
so many words.) There was a period when we were thinking of moving,
and some of our neighbors practically begged us not to go. This is
probably because they see we are not a "threat" to them, their
children or their way of life. As long as you don't walk down the
street with a lisp, I bet everything will be fine. Good Luck!
OCT. 22, 1998
Aaron D., gay male, Houston, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I'm a 25-year-old Japanese woman. I would be very
interested if my new neighbor were gay. I would think that I'd love
to be their friend, and my life would be more interesting. There is
no negative feeling about having a gay neighbor.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Kanako, Tokyo, Japan
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
Feeling the squeeze of growth in our old neighborhood -
made up predominantly of white, Catholic, youthful and highly fertile
couples and their families with modest incomes - my partner and I put
our suburban house up for sale. When our next-door neighbor pressed
us for details about the new homeowners, we informed her they were a
black couple. With a look of anxious surprise, she responded: "Ah!
More controversial neighbors!" While we were quite friendly with our
immediate neighbors (and largely ignored by the rest), this was the
first that we had heard that we were controversial.
We have since moved to a more rural setting, expecting more
privacy but getting actually far less. It's regrettable that we've
experienced more vandalism at the hands of strangers, but where we
expected to find bigotry in the folks who live nearby we have found
acceptance instead. We have shown ourselves to be good neighbors who
work hard to improve the property, and this, we are told, is
appreciated by all.
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Rex T. 35, "Bachelor Farmer"
<rex_tremende@hotmail.com>,
Somewhere near Cincinnati , OH
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO86: I have heard a large number of gay men make disparaging
remarks about women's bodies and genitalia. Is this attitude typical
of gay men? Why do gay men who make such comments not think it will
offend/hurt women who hear them?
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Judy F., 36, bisexual female
<alexant@juniata.edu>,
Huntingdon, PA
ANSWER 1:
I have many gay male friends and have never heard them
make negative comments about women's bodies. The only comments I have
heard are occasional compliments.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Iteki, Irish lesbian 22
<iteki@chickmail.com>,
Stockholm, Sweden
FURTHER NOTICE:
I have heard a few gay men make disparaging remarks about
women, particularly condescending or dismissive remarks. Most gay men
seem much more figure, hair and clothes conscious than most lesbians
are. I have heard a few closeted gay men (and women) on occasion
voice disapproval of an overtly butch woman's appearance, which I
chalked up to their own desire to conform with straight norms as much
as possible to minimize the potential of being outed. The only time I
recollect ever hearing a gay man mention women's genitals was an
older gay man referring to some lesbians as "c--ts." I found this
incredibly offensive, although he seemed totally oblivious that he
had said anything offensive. At the time it made me wonder whether he
was making an effort to somehow be hip when speaking to me, since I
was the only lesbian at his party (of gay men and straight men and
women). However, he also referred to many of his friends at the party
as fags, so in his view it might have been a camp thing. Just the
same, I was ticked. But most of the gay men I know either give
compliments or say nothing about a woman's appearance.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
DykeOnByke, 48, lesbian feminist
<DykeOnByke@aol.com>,
Southfield, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have heard many gay acquaintances make disparaging
remarks about women. This is a learned behavior, a type of camp humor
with a misogynist edge, which has its origins in the time when
"pansies" - male prostitutes - felt themselves to be in competition
with women for "real" men, like sailors. The comments are pretty
vulgar; I find them a real turn-off. In my experience, gay men who
speak in this way are usually rather insecure about their own
identity and wouldn't have the first idea about women, anyway.
POSTED OCT. 27, 1998
Ben S., 30, queer Caucasian male
<bscaro@hotmail.com>,
Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO85: When is "bi" the right term? How could one tell a
military man who proudly calls himself 100 percent straight that his
having regular (weekly), frequent (dozens of times) and satisfying
(achieving orgasm) sex with a certain gay male friend means he is not
straight?
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
J.
ANSWER 1:
Within the gay community there are many smaller "groups."
One of these is called "men who have sex with men." This is basically
what it sounds like. Men who identify as heterosexual but who enjoy
sex with men. The term is mainly used when defining safer-sex target
groups. It has been found that "men who have sex with men" will not
take information for gay men or become involved in projects to inform
gay men about the necessity of safer sex. The reluctance to identify
with gay/bi men may be internalized homophobia, or it may be that
they just like sex with men but do not feel any emotional
attachment.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Iteki, Irish lesbian, 22
<iteki@chickmail.com>,
Stockholm, Sweden
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think the important part here is that you mentioned he
was military. Under current policies, homosexual activities are
proscribed. This would include saying "I am gay." By stating that he
is straight, it protects him from a potential discharge from the
military to a limited extent.
POSTED OCT. 29, 1998
Frank, 30, Hispanic
<gonzalez1@hauns.com>,
Alamogordo, NM
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO84: To transgendered people: How and when did you first
realize you were transgender?
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Lisa
<brerio@hotmail.com>,
Joliet, IL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO83: Why do gay men find mustaches so attractive? Not those
little pencil ones, but big handlebar ones. Are they considered more
masculine?
POSTED OCT. 17, 1998
Willie P.
<WillP@hotmail.com>,
Compton, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO82: I was watching the news today about the young gay man
who was murdered in Wyoming. At his funeral a group of anti-gay
Christians were gathered holding signs and such in protest of
homosexuality. I was raised Christian and for 17 years have had all
the morals and beliefs of these God-loving people surround me. But
why do Christians sometimes feel as though they have the right to go
back on all the values and teachings of their faith (i.e. judge not)?
For example, they hate gays because they think being gay is anti-God,
but hate itself is anti-God.
POSTED OCT. 17, 1998
Wondering why
<ds799@webtv.net>,
Jacksonville, FL
ANSWER 1:
I too was very upset by the brutal killing in this case. I
am a Christian and have been for several years. I do not like
homosexuality nor do I see it as a valid lifestyle. This point is
both a personal feeling and a spiritual one. However, my belief does
not make me want to kill someone. The Holy Word does not teach hate;
it teaches love. I have always felt that the homosexual was looking
for something that they could not find. In this case, the taking of a
human life was the worst thing that could have happened. People in
America, both Christians and non-Christians, had better take a good
look at this case and make a choice. The lack of respect for human
life is widespread and seems to be getting worse.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Stacey M., 28, white male
<sfmmac@juno.com>,
Booneville, AR
FURTHER NOTICE:
The people picketing the funeral were from the Westboro
Baptist Church, Topeka, Kansas. They have a very offensive website
that might be worth a visit if you're curious about seeing how low
people can get: http://www.godhatesfags.com. My hunch is that these
people probably hate just about everyone who doesn't think exactly
like they do. I'd like to know how they feel about blacks, Hispanics,
Jewish people, Asians, Catholics, Mormons, etc. I'd be willing to bet
that they would say that all of these people are going to burn in
hell also. Sometimes the most vocal anti-homosexual people are people
who are trying to deny their own attractions to people of the same
sex.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Jim L., atheist, 36, Phoenix , AZ
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a lesbian, I can affirm that some of our staunchest
foes are pseudo-Christian. I was born Catholic and don't remember
ever reading that Jesus said, "Love your neighbors, unless they are
gay." My belief is that intolerance stems from ignorance, and a lot
of ignorance is the result of lack of exposure to diversity. In other
words, if you only hang with people like yourself, you don't learn as
much as someone who experiences other cultures and ways of life.
Plus, your clique grows to think it's the best and only way to
be.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Ranebow
<ranebow@iname.com>,
Butler, PA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
You are looking for a rational explanation for irrational
behavior. Religious fanatics exist in all religions, not just
Christianity. Just because someone calls themselves Christian does
not mean they live their lives according to Jesus' example as
recorded in the Bible. The Biblical Christ refused to condemn a woman
for adultery, even though considering it a sin. He devoted his life
to praising God, teaching and helping others. Those arrogant enough
to judge and condemn another's transgressions were told to remove the
log in their own eye before trying to remove the splinter in their
neighbor's eye.
Irrational behavior can be caused by physical/chemical causes or
by irrational fears and beliefs. The latter are often instilled by
childhood events, sometimes not even consciously remembered. While a
person's religious beliefs may include believing that homosexual
behavior is a sin, to dedicate your life and that of your adult
family to proactively protesting the lives of gay people and their
families in the most obnoxious, intrusive ways possible is
obsessive/compulsive, homophobic behavior. Such people may also be
addicted to the notoriety of media attention that their actions
generate.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
DykeOnByke, spiritual non-Christian lesbian
<DykeOnByke@aol.com>,
Southfield, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Great point. If they were protesting anything, it should
of been that he was killed for no reason. Remember "Thou shalt not
kill"? I never heard anything saying "Thou shalt not be who you
are."
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Chris, 23, Bartlesville, OK
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
God and religion are creations of man. When man created
God and religion, they were created to accomplish something for
society. Rules and guidelines were established to govern conduct.
Rules were made up to suit those who controlled the game. All was
written in the Bible, Koran, etc. subject to everyone's
interpretation. Today it is the same way. Each group makes up its own
rules. "God" save the Constitution, the Courts and the Police. At
least these rules are changed by majority vote. Most hate groups hide
behind some religious shield. No real God would accept this
behavior.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Les H. <lphfla@aol.com>,
Plantation, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I think some Christians hate gay people because they are
taught to from the very beginning. Growing up in a Christian home, I
experienced that teaching personally. I think it also has to do with
fear - i.e. "They don't do things the way we do, so they must be
sinners and we should hate them." Yeah right. Love the sinner, hate
the sin. Matthew 7:1.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Tiffany
<celticcutie@hotmail.com>,
Asheville, NC
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I applaud your question. I am a Church of Christ-raised,
God-fearing Christian, and I think I can give you an accurate answer:
Groups like that are self-righteous hypocrites. Those people believe
their hate is justified. They are the plague of Christianity led by a
minister of hatred. I do not condone homosexuality. It is a sin. But
I certainly do not hate gay people, nor do I look down on them, judge
their souls, etc. Those people who protested at that kid's funeral
were clearly doing the devil's work with Bibles in their hands.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
R.B.,
<romieb@datachan.com>,
Amarillo, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I have firsthand knowledge of the Topeka, Kansas, minister
who has made a career of gay-bashing. I'm a lifelong Kansan, and my
lover of 14 years went to high school with this minister's kids and
even dated his daughter for a while. The stories about life in this
minister's house are shocking. A few years back every major church in
Topeka held a public denunciation of this man that was carried on
local television. He is a sick individual seeking to build a
political career out of selling hatred. He's been around for years,
out waving signs in traffic, and has followers who like to beat
people up.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Daniel J., Topeka, KS
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
It's always been my belief that, while God may supposedly
condemn certain lifestyles or behaviors, it is God and only God who
judges people. My thinking is that as long as what someone else is
doing does not affect me, I have no reason or right to persecute
them.
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Dan, 20, male, La Salle, IL
To respond
BACK TO TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO81: To gay men: Do you believe gay men have more sex
partners than straight men? If so, is it because gay men have a
natural tendency toward multiple partners, or do you believe that
heterosexual men would choose as many partners if women gave them the
opportunity?
POSTED OCT. 13, 1998
Jary E.,
<jwearl@cris.com>, Santa
Fe, NM
ANSWER 1:
I have thought about this a lot in trying to understand my
own promiscuous phases. I've observed a greater degree of promiscuity
among gay than straight men. Four reasons: 1) As children don't
physically result, there is no need for the relationship to endure
and turn into a stable child-rearing environment. 2) Men seem to have
a higher libido than women, so left to themselves, they may have
created a sexual culture that creates opportunities for sexual
contact with more partners. 3) Traditionally, homosexual liaisons
were conducted fleetingly and furtively, as straight society would
have condemned visible, lasting relationships. 4) Ostracism from the
dominant straight society seems to have created low self-esteem in
some gay men, which may result in promiscuity. Many gay men just
don't expect their relationships to last. Thankfully, it seems more
gay men see other choices, and the stereotype may be in decline.
POSTED OCT. 14, 1998
Ben S., 30, queer Caucasian male
<bscaro@hotmail.com>,
Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
FURTHER NOTICE:
I do not think gay men have more sex partners than
straight men. In general I think straight men start having sex
earlier than gay men because of the whole issue of coming out (it's
socially accepted for young teenage boys to "explore" their sexuality
... as long as they're straight). Perhaps when gay men finally come
out and move away from home, they, like their straight counterparts,
may revel in their sexual freedom. As with straight men, this phase
soon passes and other things become more important, like a
significant other, friends, family, career, whatever.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
Tony W., 36, gay black male
<tonyway@yahoo.com>, San
Francisco, CA
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