Best of the Week
of Jan. 4, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of Jan. 4, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question Code
Key:
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A=Age
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GD=General
Diversity
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RE=Religion
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C=Class
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G=Geography
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SE=Sensitive
Matters
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D=Disabilities
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O=Occupation
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SO=Sexual
Orientation
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GE=Gender
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R=Race/Ethnicity
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THE QUESTION:
A36: Why do so many senior
citizens buy such large automobiles? With having a reduced family
size, wouldn't it make more sense for them to drive smaller, more
economical cars? I've also observed many an older adult struggling to
maneuver these large cars. Are senior citizens just showing off their
disposable income? It seems to me that on many levels, smaller cars
would make more sense for their driving needs.
POSTED JAN. 8, 1999
R.J., 36, male <rjorgensen@umr.com>, Cincinnati, OH
To
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THE QUESTION:
R576: As the Caucasian mother of
a wonderful little girl adopted from China, I'm curious about how the
Chinese community feels about these foreign adoptions, as well as the
issue of abandonment of infants in China.
POSTED JAN. 7, 1999
Dianne, female janl@sympatico.ca>, Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
ANSWER 1:
I am the youngest of four
sons of Chinese immigrants. I've always felt like an outside observer
of both the Chinese and American cultures. As far as I can tell, your
little girl will be seen as "privileged" because you will be seen as
her network into mainstream America. If there is any tongue-clucking,
it will be out of jealousy. At the prospect of being an outsider of
two cultures, your little girl will choose to do one of two things:
Reject both cultures, or embrace both. Choosing one culture alone may
be an option, but I don't see it. If she chooses to embrace both,
learning Chinese as a language will help her. Believe it or not,
mainstream American culture will be more accepting of her if she
knows Chinese than if she doesn't. (I can only assume the same is
true across the border.) As to the question of abandonment, well, in
homogenous communities (with little diversity), in general, some
practices are more accepted because they know people who have done
it. Or some practices are seen with suspicion, because they don't
know anyone in their community who is doing it. As far as I know,
there is no Chinese word for "privacy." Imagine the effect this has
on respect for individuality.
POSTED JAN. 8, 1999
29, Chinese, male <leungm@ix.netcom.com>, Minneapolis, MN
To
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THE QUESTION:
GE42: Why does society continue
to have sympathy for women who are abused by their husbands but keep
coming back?
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Joe, male, Riverside, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think we continue to have
sympathy for these women because we realize they are victims and so
terribly in need of help. Think about it: If a woman feels so little
for herself that she can't stay away from a man who does this to her,
she must have had a terrible life growing up or experienced some
other sort of tragedy that makes her unable to leave. This sort of
person is exactly who we need to feel sympathy for. They're not
trapped, but feel that they are and need help to get out.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
A.L., 25, white female <ann@labuda.com>, Houston, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have often asked myself the
same question. I loath the fact that society makes excuses for
battered women. True, A.L., some women in these situations have had a
terrible childhood or some other tragedy, but this is not always the
case. I was in an abusive relationship for more than a year. But
unlike the stereotype, I had a "Beaver Cleaver" childhood and my
biggest tragedy to that point was a broken nail. The abuse doesn't
start immediately; it's gradual. You really start to think that the
bad moods and slaps and punches are your fault. In the end, I was
afraid to leave because the man I was involved with threatened to
kill me if I did. Luckily, I had a good support system in my friends
and family. I think it's a shame that most abused women don't have
that. It's also a shame that most of them don't fight back,
either.
POSTED JAN. 8, 1999
J.P., 28, white female, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Joe, your question reveals
the unconscious arrogance of someone who feels safe in the world, and
who therefore figures everybody is just as safe. Many abused women
are not merely beaten by the men (or sometimes, the women) who abuse
them, they are also systematically terrorized, belittled and
realistically threatened. Your question implies that you think they
can just walk away, and that will be that. Aside from the fact that
many of these women would become instantly homeless, they often know
with complete certainty that if they leave, their lives will be in
danger. In fact, many women each year are tracked down and murdered
by the abusive men whom they have recently left. Sometimes the man
brutalizes and/or murders members of the woman's family: Children,
parents, siblings. Sometimes he will do these things at the very
suggestion that the woman might leave, or even that she objects to
how he treats her. Only the occasional man experiences this kind of
control-crazed domination - usually by another man; rarely, by a
woman. The rest of us men enjoy a kind of privileged safety that most
women can't imagine - and we can barely imagine not having. Please
read some stories of abused women. You are unaware of some important
and horrifying realities.
POSTED JAN. 8, 1999
Will H., male, psychotherapist <tccwill@flash.net>, Dallas, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
My best friend went through
this, and for the life of me I couldn't understand why she stayed.
One day I had the courage to ask her, and here is what she
said:
"I have thought many times about
leaving, but he told me if I left he would hunt me down and kill me.
So what, I could move, right? He said he would kill my mother. She's
lived in the same place for 30 years; should I ask her to move? I
even thought about killing him. I watched him sleep and thought,
maybe I should stab him. But what if I miss? What if I don't do it
hard enough? What if he pulls it out and kills me? Maybe I should get
a gun ... but what if I miss? What if he wrestles it away from me ...
what if?"
My friend eventually escaped, and he
wound up in jail, but I thank God every day that it has not been my
misfortune to come upon that type of animal; I would like to think
I'm strong, and it could never happen to me, but who knows.
POSTED JAN. 8, 1999
Chase, 32, (Puerto Rican, Cherokee, Sicilian, Zulu) <wwiicked1@aol.com>, Jersey City, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
If you've never been in the
situation, you can't possibly understand. I, too was a woman who
thought I would immediately leave and send him to jail forever. It
doesn't happen that way. My situation was a one-time thing, and he
went to counseling to deal with his anger and learned how to deal
with others around him. The process is at first one of mental and
emotional domination. Then it becomes physical. You are in so much
shock and fear that you literally are unable to move. It took me
weeks after the incident to even feel any emotion in my head or my
heart. We were apart for seven months, occasionally seeing or
speaking to one another, but I didn't trust him enough to be alone
with him. It is a situation where you sort of become immobile within
yourself - and you kind of watch what is going on, like a robot, and
if you're lucky, you pull yourself together, and get out and get
help. I was one of the lucky ones.
POSTED JAN. 8, 1999
C.M.B., 34, African-American female
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
D34: To parents of children
with disabilities: I work in a daycare center, and I suspect, judging
on information I have received in a college class, that one of the
children is mildly autistic. Her mother has never mentioned any sort
of disability to us, and as a result, I am wary to ask her about the
child. I am not a certified teacher, just a college student. How
would you feel, as a parent, if a college student had approached you
with the possibility of your student having a disability?
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Ginny C., female, 19, Arizona State University early childhood
education major, <poohfrk79@aol.com>, Scottsdale, AZ
ANSWER 1:
In this situation, some trust
should be put in the parents. Chances are, if you've noticed peculiar
behavior in their child, then they have, too. Sometimes, however,
parents may become blind to any possible disability their children
have because of the prejudice toward disabilities in our society. If
you believe this is the case, then a direct confrontation would only
prove counterproductive to your cause, because it would force the
child's parents to confront a problem they obviously don't want to
address. Perhaps a less direct approach should be taken, such as
mentioning some of the child's odd behavior to the parents, and
leaving them to draw their own conclusions and decide the best course
of action for themselves. Your opinion, while quite possibly
justified, can inspire spite from the parents because of your age and
status in comparison to theirs.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Chris M., 17 <CMosier513@yahoo.com>, Las Vegas, NV
FURTHER NOTICE:
Chances are the mother
already knows if there is a problem. Also, chances are there may not
be a problem. I would advise you not to say anything. One of the
things that has always made me furious is an early childhood
education person wanting to tell me how to raise my child, especially
when that person has no children. Take this as some advice from a
seasoned parent: You don't learn it in books or in a college class. I
learned this when my daughter was a baby. Nothing in any book
ever pertained to my daughter. So please use discretion when
it comes to giving advice to a parent, unless that parent is asking.
When you have children, you will understand this. (By the way, I am
not knocking college. I have a degree.)
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
J.P., mother, NC
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
My grandson's autism has
turned me into an advocate and researcher on the subject. You face a
daunting task. Most uninformed parents act in denial when possible
autism is brought to their attention. Yet for the good of the child,
the most important thing is early intervention. If you opt for a
sensitive, diplomatic approach, you can talk about "developmental
delays" that can benefit from professional evaluation ... and by
professional I do not mean the local pediatrician who usually knows
very little about autism. I mean a professional with extensive
experience in such disorders as Pervasive Developmental Delay and
Aspergers Syndrome, all of which are much different from Downs
Syndrome, mental retardation and bipolar. Much useful information can
be gained from sites such as the Autism Research Institute, and the
newsgroup bit.listserve.autism.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Al F., male <forman@gate.net>, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I wouldn't think any parent
would like to hear an evaluation of their child by a college student.
I'm not a teacher, but I majored in Elem. Ed. and did spend a lot of
time in elementary school classrooms. If you suspect a problem with
this child, you should report it to the daycare teacher and let
her/him take it from there. Make sure that you back up your diagnosis
with hard facts; that way the head teacher won't just brush off your
observances. Please don't think I'm being hard on you (or that I
don't think you know what you're talking about); I just don't think
it's your place to tell the parent. It's really up to your superiors.
Let them know and see where that takes you.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Ro, 31, white female (married with no kids), Boston, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
My wife and I have a son who
has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). We learned this because of a
wonderful teacher he had in the first grade. Rather than just writing
him off as a troublemaker because of his behavior (as his
kindergarten teacher had), she looked for a possible reason. She then
talked to us about her suspicions, and recommended some resources.
Rather than being upset, we were very grateful that a professional
cared enough to look past the behavior and help us find some reasons.
While you may not be the person to approach this parent, you
certainly should make your concerns known to your superior. It may be
that this parent suspects something is wrong, but doesn't know what
to do. You could be the catalyst for making a real difference in this
child's (and her parents) life.
POSTED JAN. 7, 1999
Phillip W., male<phillip@turnergroup.com>, Osceola, IN
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R570: I am the only African
American in a department of about 150 people. It's been this way for
18 months. I work in the data processing field as a computer
programmer. My organization seems to have a problem with hiring
minorities. Why don't they realize they have a problem? How do I
reconcile my internal feelings when conversing with my co-workers,
most of whom I like, with the ill-will I hold toward the group as a
whole? It seems the group as a whole has made a conscious decision to
avoid movement into the 2st Century by promoting equal opportunity.
Why should I attend company functions, when I can't help but feel
that to take my family to the company picnic or my wife to the
Christmas party, I will be putting them on display to be judged on
their behaviors and attitudes? And how do I know these questions
don't pertain to my own hang-ups and not to those of my organization
or the people I work with? Thank you for this site. Regardless of
whether these questions are posted, Y? will receive
a portion of my 1999 charitable contributions.
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Paul H., black male, 35 <pthart@uswest.net>, Des Moines, IA
ANSWER 1:
Racism and other problems of
diversity and inclusion exist at different levels: Individual, group
and systemic. Individuals can be fine to work with, yet systemic
problems persist out of ignorance and nobody owning the mission of
addressing it. The first step is building awareness and then getting
a management champion to help drive change. Another issue can be
location - Des Moines probably has relatively few black programmers,
and in circular fashion probably has trouble luring black
professionals from metro areas with more vibrant black communities
(Atlanta, D.C., etc.).
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
B. Hale, white <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE:
Don't you just love tokenism?
Your course of action depends somewhat on whether you can trust
anyone at work. Is it a cut-throat environment or a cooperative one?
Do people who make suggestions get encouraged or decapitated?
About interacting with your
co-workers: Notice who's in charge of hiring and who isn't. If you
find yourself mad at people who "only work here" and have no hand in
policy, it will help to redirect your focus to those in power. It's
obviously a big-ish company, so there must be a human resources
department. You might start with them - the notion of taking your
family to company functions is particularly poignant and might catch
their attention. Or maybe you should start at the top - judgment
call.
A good approach might be to assume
that, of course, they're aware of the problem and are working to
correct it; and if only you could help in that effort ... blah, blah.
Even if it's not true, it's a softer entry. Fury isn't usually
persuasive. (White folks get awfully defensive, you know). Another
similar approach might be, "I know how hard it can be to find
minority workers in this field. Where have you been looking?" If
you're willing to do some extra work, you could ask how you could
help them recruit. Maybe there are minority non-profits around that
can give you suggestions. Do you know of any minority professional
organizations in your field, or schools that train a lot of good
minority students? If you go into your boss's office with concrete
suggestions, demonstrating that you've done a little helpful
homework, they might listen. Or, they might just be racists. If you
get nowhere, you might need to ask those minority non-profits how to
file suit.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Will H., white, 48, non-corporate <tccwill@flash.net>, Dallas , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Do you have other friends who
are also minorities who could apply for job openings with your
company? If that were to happen, you would soon discover if things
are as you think. If that hasn't happened, then you don't know if
minorities tried and were turned down or if minorities didn't apply.
Are you expecting your employer to purposefully pursue minority
applicants or simply choose among all applicants the most-qualified
person for the job? It is hard to be the "only" anything at a party.
But whether you are African American, gay, Jewish or Asian, you'll
always have experiences where your actions reflect on all your
people. That's the nature of being a minority.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Anne, female, North, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I do not mean this to be
insulting, because you haven't been clear on it, but please be sure
to note that there may be differences between the will of those who
can make hiring decisions and those in the trenches with you.
Further, as someone who has been on the other side of the fence, and
this is a crazy thing to even have to think about in the 1990s, would
you want that company to hire one more African
American? It seems to me that a number of minorities would have to be
hired for it to become a comfortable, integrated workplace. A job can
profoundly affect someone's life, as you have noted. I in no way
advocate discrimination in the workplace based on anything, but if
there are a number of older, ignorant, mean, uneducated, entrenched,
biased people at your company, anyone who is different might really
be better off not being hired until those others leave - or are let
go because they are hampering progress (on a variety of fronts).
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Lynda, female, 29, white, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Your co-workers would likely
have nothing to do with hiring decisions; that is normally handled by
human resources and managment. Also, consider whether you know how
many minority applicants there have been. A company might put out an
ad for employment for anyone to answer, but if only white people
reply, that's the group from which they get to choose. Also, consider
whether you have any reason to believe your co-workers are racist,
other than what you have mentioned. All in all, you may be blaming
the wrong people for something they have nothing to do with. For
example, I do much of the training where I work, and so I have a lot
of contact with human resources, but even with that contact I have no
information about the people being interviewed. Now, all of that
having been said, you could be right. If you have solid information
showing that your workplace has been practicing discrimination, you
need to report that to the authorities. The EOE laws are in place to
prevent that kind of behavior.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
GE24: I chose not to have my son circumcised based on my research on
the matter before he was born. Now I get strange comments from people
who think that circumcision is "normal." I am now worried that my son
will not appreciate my decision. Comments from males on this issue
would be appreciated.
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
Renee S. <reneeleigh@juno.com>, St. Augustine, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I have seen repeated
references to decreased sensitivity in circumcised men. I am a
52-year-old circumcised man who cannot imagine having any more
sensitvity there. It would be unbearable. I think this may be a myth
perpetuated by uncircumcised men.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Bob, 52, male <rdees@kilgore.net>, Kilgore, Tx
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I don't understand how Bob
can make that statment. That's like saying that because he was born
with a hearing deficiency, he can't imagine that it would be possible
for anyone to hear better than he already does. Let your son remain
uncircumcised. It should be his choice to mutilate part of his body
when he feels he is ready to, should he want to, and when that time
comes, it will be done with anesthetic and will not be traumatic, as
if you were to do it to him as a baby. And he may complain as a
child, especially as a teenager, about being different from the other
kids, but most likely as an adult he will thank you for making the
decision to let him make his own decision. And in my opinon, an uncut
penis is extremly attractive and sexy. I wish I was still uncut.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Dondi M., bisexual 26, male, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I assure you Bob, it is not a
myth. The foreskin is the most sensitve part of a penis, and I think
it is cruel to baby boys to mutilate them in that way. If they wish
this operation done for religious or cultural reasons, let the boy
decide for himself when older, at 12 or later. The only thing
separating this cruelty from its female counterpart is that it is
luckily reversible. Ma'am, I think you did the right thing. I have
never suffered any stigma in the locker room or any complaints from
women. Frankly, the circumcised are in the minority now, so I don't
think you should worry.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
A.C.C., San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
Since there is no medical
justification for circumcision (former ideas about cleanliness and
penile cancer are now being discredited), many parents are now making
the decision not to have their sons circumcised, viewing it as
unnecessary and cruel surgery. The trend is definitely going in your
direction; however, it will probably be several decades before
"natural" penises are the norm. Nonetheless, I cannot imagine being
bothered by an uncircumcised male, and I am sure, once your son knows
the reasons behind your decision, he'll appreciate the thought and
kindness you put into it. After having lived with his foreskin, the
thought of having it cut off will most likely horify him.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
D.M.M., female, nursing student <donikam@hotmail.com>, Charleston, SC
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I read about circumcision in
Men's Health. It said that it is very painful, not
necessary and removes 70 percent of your nerve endings. In the words
of a local comedian: "Hey, Mom! I want my foreskin back!"
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Craig, 35, male <cmorris@loft.org>, Minneapolis, Mn
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
Three points: 1. Is Dad
circumcised? How will the little boy feel about being "different"
from Dad? 2. There is no question it is cleaner. The above nursing
student left out the data on male urinary tract infections, which are
nonexistent in circumcised males but affect 8-10 percent of
circumcised males, and that's in developed countries. 3. Ask women in
countries with both "options" which they prefer.
POSTED JAN. 7, 1999
E.M., 42 <magidson@ties.k12.mn.us>, St Paul, MN
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THE QUESTION:
GE104: I've worked in several
offices and have noticed that women are noisier than men. Throughout
the day, the sound of women bursting into laughter is heard over the
background noise. I don't hear guys doing this. Why is this?.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Alan, 43, male <davey@spiritone.com>, Portland, OR
ANSWER 1
Just because those particular
women are expressive does not put them into the category of being
noisy. Maybe you should ask them and see what type of response you
get.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Female, black, Chicago, IL
To
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THE QUESTION:
RE130: Why are more and more
youth nowadays forgetting the Creator? Is it that they feel they have
to obey too many "Do's and Don'ts"? If so, is there any solution? I
like one quotation from Jesus: "I give you power to overcome sin, but
not the rules and regulations."
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Ratnakar <mecratna@mecheng.iisc.ernet.in>, Bangalore, India
ANSWER 1:
I think many young people
neglect God and religion for two reasons: One, our parents are
products of the unconventional, flower-power generation that rejected
institutionalized religion, and it has therefore not been as
impressed on us as on preceeding generations. Two, we live in an age
of science and technology that runs contrary to many religious
doctrines, and an age of high religious hypocrisy (Jim Baker, et al.)
which discredits the messengers of the Lord.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
D.M.M., former Catholic <donikam@hotmail.com>, Charleston , SC
To
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THE QUESTION:
R572: To blacks, Hispanics, Asian
Americans, gays, Jews and other members of minority groups: Do you
see a trend toward being post-black, post-gay, post-whatever? By
"post," I mean feeling less emotional energy around your diversity
group and having more focus on your individuality.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
B. Hale, 43, straight white Protestant male <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
ANSWER 1:
I think being
"post-whatever'' is unlikely to happen until that particular minority
is truly accepted by dominant, mainstream society. And even after a
group is accepted - if that Utopia comes to pass - it's still proper
to stay in touch with your roots.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Andrew, 35, Jewish <ziptron@start.com.au>, Huntington, NY
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think you're using
"post-black" in the same sense as in "post-feminism." In my
experience, these are really different things. Being multi-ethnic is
an intrinsic part of my individuality, and has always been. Feminism
is a rational choice that I made for myself. I don't necessarily
focus on myself as "the multi-ethnic woman, Janon"; I focus on myself
as "Janon, a woman who is multi-ethnic." I think (although obviously
I can't speak for everyone in any of these groups) that most of the
"minorities" you mentioned would feel the same way. If this is what
you meant, then I don't feel that there's any trend one way or the
other - this is how I have always felt. Do you think of yourself
first as white, or do you think of yourself first as B. Hale?
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Janon, 38, multi-ethnic <janon_rogers@hp.com>, Lebanon, OR
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think the question you ask
is brimming with Americanness. (That's not intended as an insult,
just an observation). Many Americans, especially white ones,
subscribe heavily to the American ideology of individualism, and
reject the notion that individuals are affected powerfully by their
cultural identities of gender, race, ethnicity, sexual identity, etc.
Furthermore, many white Americans lack the awareness that categories
such as white, male, heterosexual, Christian, etc. are cultural
identities as well. White people are as affected by their race as are
people of color; men as are as affected by their gender as are women,
etc. It seems to me that people who lack an awareness of their own
cultural identities often do not understand the "emotional
investment" people have in their minority cultural identities. They
want people to act as "individuals" who are presumably as void of
cultural identity as they themselves imagine themselves to be.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Rhiannon, 28, white Jewish heterosexual female <rock0048@tc.umn.edu>, Minneapolis, MN
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I'd prefer to be "post-Asian"
and focus on my individuality, but it's tough to do when the rest of
society prejudges me on the basis of my race. Because I'm Asian
American, many white Americans I encounter seem to assume that my
English is poor, that I am foreign and exotic, etc. - regardless of
who I truly am or would like to be. These "little" annoyances (like
having gas station attendants speak extra slo-o-o-wlly to you because
they think you won't understand, being constantly stared at every
time you leave a major city, or being continually asked which country
you are from, when you are in fact from the United States) over a
lifetime begin to add up, bit by bit, until they become a major chip
on the shoulder. At this point, you realize that no matter how much
of an individual you are on the inside, you will never escape what
you look like on the outside. Yes, I'd like to be "post-Asian,"
because that for me means being able to live like any normal white
person in America: As an individual.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Ray, 24, Asian American <yangban@erols.com>, Washington, DC
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
On the contrary - I am
experiencing a huge resurgence
of ethnic (Jewish) identity,
because as individuals that's a huge part of where our values come
from. And I don't want to be a whitebread American. I do not share
the values of football, money and world domination through marketing
Coca Cola.
POSTED JAN. 7, 1999
E.M. <magidson@ties.k12.mn.us>, St. Paul, MN
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THE QUESTION:
D33: What is the best way to
phrase a query to find out the nature of a person's disability? I
find that since I don't believe in asking "What's wrong with...?" I
am thwarted in situations where I would normally reach out.
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Roberto T., 27 <bobbyboy5@aol.com>, Aurora, IL
ANSWER 1:
Be genuine. Say "I'm
uncomfortable about asking this, but I'm curious about your
leg/arm/whatever. Are you willing to talk about it?" This shows
respect and also makes it easy for the person to say they would
rather not discuss it if they don't want to.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
B. Hale, able-bodied so far <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE:
While you may be curious
about the disability, it really should not be important to you to
know what it is - only that it physically challenges the other
person. Just knowing that fact gives you the power to be sensitive to
the person - or to leave them alone.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Eve, female, Boston, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
First, I would say it depends
on why you're asking. If you want to know what specific issues the
person is dealing with so you can make accommodations, you could ask,
"What do you need?" If you are asking because you are getting to know
the person, try "What's your disablity?" I would agree that asking
what's wrong with them would not be appropriate.
POSTED JAN,. 4, 1999
Kathryn, 37, female <KathrynJB@aol.com>, Salem , MA
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THE QUESTION:
O42: I've often encountered
adults who have graduated high school yet cannot read. To teachers:
How is it that a person can go through 12 years of schooling, yet not
be capable of performing the most basic math or reading skills? I
understand many people have genuine learning disabilities, but there
are such a large number of people who are functionally illiterate
that this can't be the only explanation. Why aren't the basics of
reading (and math) taught throughout a childs' school life? With so
many hours spent in school, don't teachers feel this is the major
failing of our school sytem? Any child should at least be able to
read the newspaper by the time he or she graduates.
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
C.J.,35, female, Cincinnati, OH
ANSWER 1:
I was a Project Read
volunteer for a few years. We were chartered with trying to increase
literacy in our communities. My students ranged in age from 15 to 70.
The answer with the younger students was simple: There were too many
students in one classroom for a teacher to notice when one student
was not keeping up. When they were finally noticed, the teachers
would advise the parents to get a tutor. The stories that came from
the elderly students were quite shocking. They had learned to beat
the system by pretending they could read. They memorized stories in
school, they circled a "pattern" of answers on multiple choice tests
(a, b, c, then c, b, a). The odds of getting a passing score were
obviously in their favor. They drove cars by memorizing street signs.
They knew a red octagonal sign meant "Stop." Some of them were even
truck drivers. They could find a particular address by matching
freeway signs and street signs to a map. They shopped for food by
"reading" the pictures on the packages. They held down jobs,
functioned in society and finally decided to learn to read when they
had grandchildren who wanted them to read bedtime stories to them.
(You can't fool a kid who knows the story!) It was really amazing and
quite sad to learn how easy it was to beat the system. I can only
hope that our next generation of teachers has the time and dedication
to spot the shy and/or dyslexic students who are too embarrassed to
say "I don't understand."
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Mimi, 38, female, Sunnyvale, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
As a ninth-grade English
teacher in a rural Vermont high school, I have no students who cannot
read. I do, however, have students with reading levels ranging from
third grade to post-high school. Yes, my primary concern is that my
students read and write fluently, discovering both the power and joy
in the written word. With every student, the goal is to help him or
her reach a higher level than she or he comes in with. That varies
considerably by student. Factors that have the greatest impact
include family support and motivation. As with anything in life,
practice is the key to proficiency. A student reading at a third
grade level in high school who doesn't read anything voluntarily will
probably regress once the mandatory requirements are removed. I
relinquish none of my responsibility; I am doing all that I can, as
are thousands of educators.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
S. Locarno, 48, Hardwick, VT
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I volunteer at an elementary
school three days a week. I work with first, second, and fifth
graders in math and reading. There is one major difference between
children who learn and those who don't - the ability to pay attention
and concentrate. No one can teach a child to read, even one-on-one,
when their mind is somewhere else. I think the smartest parents are
those who keep their children out of first grade until the child is
mature enough to sit and engage in an activity that takes
concentration. Better to wait a year and be the oldest one in the
class than be a fifth grader or adult who believes they can't read.
(By fifth grade, the kids are embarrassed, have learned coping skills
or have written themselves off, and it's hard to get them past those
feelings/actions.)
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Colleen C., 38, female <congdon@illuminet.net> Quantico, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Illiteracy in America is not
what it once was. Many (more than ever before) Americans read, write
and are able to articulate their thoughts. With any large-scale
operation, such as education, you will always have some people who
slip through the cracks. How many more illiterate people would you
know if you had been asking this question 50 or 60 years ago?
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Arodman, 19 <ab0490@wayne.edu>, Troy , MI
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THE QUESTION:
A22: It seems to me that a great
many of the Generation X white population have chosen to act like
black people. Why is this?
POSTED JULY 22, 1998
Rick, 40ish white guy, Virginia Beach, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
This is nothing new. I'm 42,
and the same thing happened when I was in high school in the '70s.
Some (not all) of the white girls in my all-girl school emulated our
slang,listened to our music and thought we were cool. Some even tried
to wear their hair in an Afro (with varying degrees of success). I
remember seeing a poster on T.V. from, I think, the early '50s, that
cautioned white parents "Don't let your kids listen to colored
music!" Well, the young white people liked the music, and listened
and danced to it, anyway. They didn't want to listen to their
parents' music. I think the same thing is happening now.
POSTD JAN. 4, 1999
E. Daniel , black female, Kansas City , MO
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The success of popular
culture and capitalism is dependent upon successful imaging and
marketing. Currently, among youth especially, the "hip/hop" image is
dominant. Whites, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, etc. have bought into a
"romanticized" ghetto or urban image, and therefore intentionally
infuse many aspects of this image into their culture, e.g. style of
dress, language, etc. Almost all people experience a sense of power
when they feel they fit in, are popular, trendy, etc. Some elements
of black culture have always been perceived as exotic, unusual and
ultra-expressive, e.g. again clothing, hair, music, food, language,
mannerisms, etc..Non-blacks tend to be intrigued by what blacks
consider normal because, for them, the differences are both
interesting and fascinating. In addition, there is a common
perception that blacks are unified and stand in solidarity. The
handshakes, distinct venacular and social patterns give the
appearance of family or belonging. While I do not believe that most
white kids literally desire to be black, I do believe that they, like
most youth, work hard at not being excluded.
POSTED JAN. 7, 1999
Dee W., black woman <westde@hiram.edu>, Cleveland , Oh
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THE QUESTION:
R571: As a naive youngster, I
wonder: How did the White Man achieve his supremacy in society?
Greed? Avarice? Brilliance? A likely combination of these
qualities?
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
R. Wagner, 21, Mendoza, Argentina
ANSWER 1:
Science can easily show us
that white people are essentially no different from non-white people,
so it must have something to do with cultural influence. If you trace
history, you can see that just about every type of culture had its
own empire. That empire could only grow so large before it started to
fall apart. The only one to really outlive its own existence is the
Roman Empire. Why? It comes out of the union between the Roman Empire
and Christianity. After that union, the Christian movement became far
more organized and political. The mandate of the Church required that
any non-Christian peoples must be shown the truth of Christ. The
method used for centuries was conversion by conquest. Education,
which allowed for the advancement of weapons technology, was reserved
for believers. So the predominantly white Europeans would have the
benefit of more efficient weapons: Better swords and defenses, as
well as the missionary system. Part of the missionary system, as
evidenced in Ireland and Scotland, was to supplant the existing
culture with the Romanized Christian culture. The Church provided a
binding force that allowed the continually warring nations of Europe
to still act as though it were an empire. The only other unified
forces that could stand up to the white European power, the Chinese
and Ottoman empires, were either too far away or roughly equal in
power. These early methods of the Church provided an example that
later became the "manifest destiny" of the European nations that
spread colonialism throughout the world. This may be a more
complicated answer than you were expecting, but even this is a
simplification of the issue.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
You like to ask sweeping
questions! My guess: 1) Technological accident: Whites' invention of
guns and reliable modes of water transportation placed us in an
advantageous strategic position. 2) Microorganisms: For reasons I
think are understood (but not by me), European germs were
horrifyingly good at killing non-Europeans, but not vice-versa. North
and South America, Polynesia, etc. were wiped out, not by European
guns so much as the horrible plagues of measles, smallpox and other
diseases imported by the conquerors, which in many lands killed
upwards of 90 percent of the local people. 3) Religious and cultural
intolerance (ethnocentrism): The Christian mindset led to a belief
that all Others were inferior (surprisingly this is not a universal
belief), and so they had to be subjugated (or "saved," if the
conqueror wanted to think kindly of himself). Similarly, European
ways of knowledge and thought were elevated to an artificial
superiority, making all other peoples "savages" to the European mind.
Since Euros were "the only important people," they could imagine that
they were "discovering," and thus laying claim to land that had been
occupied for millennia. Put all this together, and you have a
world-traveling culture that simply overruns the world, kills off the
local people, takes ownership of all they survey as if they had a
right to it, and cart all the wealth back to the Motherland, thereby
vastly increasing their wealth and power. It only takes a couple of
centuries to create an incredible mess this way!
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Will H., Euro-American <tccwill@flash.net>, Dallas , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
"White Man"' achieved
"supremacy" because Europe was historically the most overpopulated
continent in the world. This led to the colonization of other
continents, and to frequent wars. Europe's fertile soils and healthy
climate led to population growth (in most of sub-Saharan Africa, for
example, most areas are afflicted with diseases that prevent draft
animals from surviving, so agriculture was always handicapped). China
is similar to Europe in that it has fertile soils and healthy
climate, but China always lacked any type of significant enemies.
Because of this, China lagged behind Europe militarily. And Europe
possessed good harbors and was surrounded by sea, and cut off by
hostile Muslim states on land, so Europeans took to the sea in order
to trade directly with the east Indies, and to set up colonies. So in
military, agricultural and maritime technology, Western Europe was
always ahead. Today, we see non-European countries such as Japan
having economic power. But non-white nations are still handicapped by
the same problems faced for centuries: Poor soil, unhealthy
climatesand the fact that these countries missed out on earlier
developement.
J. Carter, black male student, 18
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
As a white man, I wish I had
half of the power and control over the world that some minorities
would like to believe I have.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Kevin H. 41, white male <kevin@javanet.com>, Holyoke, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
The current status of white
race(s) being socially and economically dominate is probably a
combination of all of those mentioned in the question, plus a
technology advantage. There is nothing inherently better (or worse)
about the white race, however. At one time, the Chinese were the most
advantaged group in the world; at another time, the Egyptians; and so
forth. When viewed on a long-term basis, it is all temporary.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Lazarus, 45, white male <lazarus99@usa.net>, Atlanta, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Exactly which society are you
talking about? If you are referring to the society in America, it's
due to the fact that the majority of the population is Caucasian.
Greed, avarice and brilliance would only depend on each individual,
regardless of race.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
J. Williams, 43, NY , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
There is no simple answer as
to why white Europeans eventually achieved world domination.
Certainly, it is not because white Europeans are genetically superior
to other races, or because they're inherently more intelligent. After
all, at many points in history, a neutral observer would have
concluded that the Chinese, the Persians, the Indians, the Arabs,
perhaps even the Aztecs and Mayans were more advanced culturally and
technologically than the Europeans. I think the best explanation is
that by the 15th Century, white Europeans had learned to turn
gunpowder into an effective weapon, and had become the best
shipbuilders in the world. Thus, nations like England, France and
Spain had both the mightiest weapons in the world and
the ability to project their power, on ships, all over the globe.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Astorian, 37, Irish-American male <Astorian@aol.com>, Austin, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
Try a mix of geography and
luck. Whites come from Europe, which constitutes the longest
contingent, temperate land mass on Earth. The historical result was
an interplay between a connected population that provided a synergy
not possible in the other, less-geographically blessed continents of
the world. With this "head start" on other peoples, whites conquered
the rest of the world through their better technology and with
virulent diseases (smallpox, measles, syphillis, etc.) that were also
believed to be the results of their geography. Skin color does not
determine brillance, avarice or anything else of note. For a more
detailed answer, please refer to the excellent book Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
S.F., black male <sfinley@wans.net>, Naperville, IL
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
The answer is simple and has
nothing to do with qualities of race: We had the fast ships and the
big guns first. White people do not have a monopoly on greed or
brilliance. The histories of blacks, Asians and Native Americans are
also full of war, oppression and conquest. Historically, it has
nearly always been the people with the superior weapons technology
who conquered, whether it was the knights who first had stirrups on
their horses, the Romans who had bronze swords instead of stone
weapons, or the Conquistadors who used cannons against people with
spears and arrows.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Colette, white female <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
I wouldnt call it supremacy;
there's nothing supreme about treating those around you like dirt
because their skin is not the same color as yours. But I believe what
your question strongly speaks to is learned behavior. If humans
aren't taught to treat others differently, we generally won't do so.
Look at kids on the playground. Have you ever noticed that those who
play together well don't seem to notice if their playmates are black,
Chinese, Indian, etc.? It hasn't occurred to them that "different"
means "bad." Then they learn how to be cruel from either other kids
or their parents. On a good note, I believe what this also proves is
that human beings are basically good. We're not natural bigots. And
what we learn, we can unlearn. That is what gives me hope.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
Alma, white lesbian <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
Europeans traded technology
back and forth with a wide variety of cultures, and science took off.
They developed advantages in transportation, weaponry and tools. The
printing press allowed more rapid expansion of knowledge and
manufactured goods. This technology edge, combined with a desire for
conquest and colonialization of other races, a belief that European
culture was superior and that Europeans were inherently superior in
the eyes of God led to the White Man being in control of large
expanses of the globe.
POSTED JAN. 4, 1999
B. Hale, white <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
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