Best of the Week
of Jan. 6, 2002
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Jan. 6, 2002, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s
database using the search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the database as
well). In the Original Archives, as well as in the database, you will
find questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
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Question:
Why is the fantasy genre so offensive in the Christian
community? Most pious Christians oppose fantasy novels (including the
Harry Potter series), video gaming and definitely role-playing games
such as Dungeons and Dragons. Despite my Christian background, I
enjoy this genre, especially when playing computer games. In my mind,
fantasy is just that - fantasy - a world of make-believe. It is a
genre that allows for more literary freedom because some of the
limitations found in real life can be removed. And as long as the
person being entertained by this form knows it is make-believe, what
is wrong with it? As far as 'magic,' it is used in children's
fairytales such as Cinderella, and most Christians don't ban their
children from reading those stories, so what's wrong with the type of
fantasy found in Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States,
<kfount500@aol.com>, 21, Female, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Transcriber, 2 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 142002121032
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Question:
Why do some American small towns have a disproportionate number
of people who are mean, sarcastic, belligerent and even violent?
We've all heard stereotypes about 'the next town over,' but I am
referring to places that are just 'known' for being especially
treacherous. There is one small town, for instance, that is known for
taking its high school football VERY seriously, and where it is not
uncommon to run afoul of someone and receive the threat 'I'll cut ya'
(i.e., with a knife). There is another small town where it seems like
everyone is angry at everyone else all the time, and they constantly
put one another 'in their place.' I could go on. I'd be interested in
knowing whether anyone has studied unique demographics that make some
places meaner than others.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 41, Male,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
14200264847
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Question:
Do all Wicca followers dabble in witchcraft? What do followers
who don't dabble in witchcraft do as far as practical doctrines? Do
Wiccas acknowledge that where there's witchcraft, there's the
spiritual world? And that in the spiritual world there is both
extreme good and extreme evil? Aren't Wiccas who practice witchcraft
afraid of making themselves vulnerable to possible attacks by evil
spirits, which may be inadvertently summoned through aiming to
perform white witchcraft? How do they know they are 100 percent safe
when performing witchcraft?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Robert S., Poole, NA, United Kingdom,
<rms6859@postmaster.co.uk>, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Mesg ID 13200233341
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Question:
Why, despite the fact that many Asian businesses are run in
black neighborhoods (beauty supply stores, restaurants, liquor
stores, etc.) is there such animosity between Asians (Japanese,
Chinese) and blacks? Conversely, East Indians seem to get along
better with blacks. In fact, I live in a very well-to-do
neighborhood, with 60 percent of the population being black and the
other 40 percent a mixture of whites and East Indians. Also, why do
many Asians act more racist toward blacks than whites do? It seems
acceptable among some of them to show blatant racism toward blacks -
racism that the average educated white person would never do, at
least on purpose. It appears that they view blacks as beneath them,
although many of them find economic opportunities in black
neighborhoods. Is the "model minority" complex that is prevalent
among the Asian race preventing them from seeing the plight of
blacks, a fellow minority?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States,
<kfount500@aol.com>, 21, Female, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Transcriber, 2 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 142002115548
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Question:
Can anyone tell me, once and for all, which religious belief is
the one true faith that will guarantee me a place in heaven? And, why
should I believe you?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Douglas, Pontiac, MI, United States, 40, Male, White/Caucasian,
Engineer, Technical School, Middle class, Mesg ID 15200265343
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Question:
What does the term "White Bread" mean?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Brando, Vancouver, British Colombia, WA, United States, Mesg ID
15200275444
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Question:
Why is it that people are nearly always assumed to be straight
unless they fit the obvious stereotypes of gay/lesbian? For example,
instead of asking a female, 'Do you have a boyfriend?', why can't the
question be, 'Do you have a partner?' or if a female says, 'My
partner...', do people have to start saying, 'he', when they don't
know for sure? I know people don't intend to be offensive, but a bit
of extra consideration would be nice. It gets frustrating having to
keep correcting people's assumptions, and you don't know whether the
other person is going to react in a homophobic way when you make the
correction.
POSTED 1/1/2002
Paulette, Sydney, NA, Australia, 25, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
11200211207
Responses:
Not everyone is as aware or sensitive as we would sometimes like.
Society has only fairly recently begun to admit that gays and
lesbians even exist. I think until the last 20 years or so, most gays
were closeted, so people assumed they were very rare. Progress is
being made toward the acceptance of homosexuality, so the changes you
suggest will one day occur.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 12200273743
Paulette, you have cut right to the heart of why it's so important
for lesbians and gay men to be open and honest about who we are;
because if we stay in the closet, and we do not fit outrageous
stereotypes about how lesbians or gay men are supposed to talk, act
or appear, the unconscious assumption is made that we are straight.
For instance, I am a big, stocky guy, tend to favor bluejeans and
sweatshirts and certainly do not have a remotely effeminate voice.
Yet I am also a proud gay man, politically active and hopelessly
devoted to my partner, Greg. I don't want ANYONE to assume I am
straight, so it's kind of frustrating when I'm asked if I have a wife
or girlfriend. And to any straight person who reads these comments, I
ask you: If you found out that an employer or some other acquaintance
had made the assumption that you were gay, would you not want to
correct that assumption?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Chuck A., Spring Hill, WV, United States,
<PolishBear@aol.com>, 42, Male, Gay, AIDS educator/public radio
announcer, Mesg ID 12200273912
You have to keep in mind that the mainstream is for people to date
individuals of the opposite gender. And unfortunately, people do have
their stereotypes. Unless somebody knows that a person is gay, they
may ask, 'Do you have a boyfriend or do you have a girlfriend?' Our
society at the moment is not 'open' enough to ask, 'Do you have a
partner?' It must be frustrating, but the best thing to do is try to
not let it bother you and let them know up front.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States,
<kfount500@aol.com>, 21, Female, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Transcriber, 2 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 122002122445
I've been in similar situations, so I had to laugh reading your
questions. I feel that questions about someone's relationship are
very personal, so if you can't deal with a response regarding an
alternative lifestyle, don't ask the questions. Sometimes, if I'm in
a mood and want to gauge someone, I'll answer using 'husband.' Other
times I'll use the gender-neutral 'partner,' but I always use the
gender-specific pronouns (i.e. 'My partner says he doesn't like blue
on me'). The most fun I have is with telemarketers. They ask for
'Mrs. ...' and in my deepest basso voice I respond, 'Speaking.'
Sometimes I have to explain further that we're a gay couple, but it's
a lot of fun to imagine what they're thinking in that dead silence I
hear over the phone. As to the whys in your question, I guess the
male/female gender couple is still the predominant relationship, and
the same-sex couple is in the minority. I would guess that as people
grow accustomed to the idea of gay people and gay people in
relationships, the questions will become more neutral.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Doug, Phoenix, AZ, United States, 38, Male, New Age/Metaphysical,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Administrator, 2 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 13200215249
Of course the question to a woman will be, 'Do you have a
boyfriend?' Heterosexuality is the norm, after all, and is much more
prevalent than homosexuality (last I read it was 97% to 3%). It may
be frustrating in your case, but be realistic: you represent a tiny
minority. Society cannot conform to the opposing whims and desires of
marginal groups. If society's standards do not apply to you, that is
your cross to bear. People are not being intentionally offensive, so
you'll just have to deal with it.
POSTED 1/6/2002
C. Beatty, New York, NY, United States, 24, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
13200265804
It's a heterocentric world out there. That is a fact. The majority
generally assumes that someone who is not 'obviously' gay or lesbian
is therefore straight - not always out of malice but more from just
not knowing any different. You might try to imagine asking a
straight, Southern Baptist youth minister if he has a partner. I
would think he would be offended by the implication that he might
have something other than a girlfriend. Once the decision is made to
be out about your sexuality, you must expect to run across some
homophobic reactions. That has been my experience in my home state of
good ol' redneck Texas. The majority of the people I run into don't
appear to care one way or the other, but there are the occasional
homophobes who cause problems. I have had to learn to just deal with
it as it happens. If they are at least polite about it, so am I. If
they are rude or inconsiderate, then I go full camp and let 'em have
a good ol' Southern queen rendition. I am comfortable in the belief
that the problem is theirs, not mine. So, give folks the benefit of
the doubt on the first encounter. The real litmus test is how they
react in future encounters.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Mark B., Dallas, TX, United States, <civic-si@swbell.net>,
41, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Gay, financial analyst, 2 Years
of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 15200215434
It is you who has created the confusion. Society generally
operates under the assumption of normalcy. Politically correct or not
and despite what you may want to believe, homosexuality is not, in
general, considered normal. Why fault others for a situation you
brought upon yourself?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Douglas, Pontiac, MI, United States, 40, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Engineer, Technical School, Middle class, Mesg ID
15200253836
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Question:
Are guys interested in girls who are always talking, or in shy
girls who don't talk very much?
POSTED 1/1/2002
Alicia, Chicago, IL, United States, 19, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
1230200145016
Responses:
I am a shy guy, so the girls I prefer are just the opposite.
Furthermore, I am the type of person to feed off other people's
energy, so I guess you could say I like a talkative/energetic female.
Of course, none of this will matter if the words she says aren't
anything nice. Personality is more important than anything else,
whether she talks a lot or not.
POSTED 1/3/2002
Jarrett, Chicago, IL, United States, 20, Male, Black/African
American, Straight, full-time student, 2 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 11200244628
Every guy's different, but someone between the two extremes of
talking too much and hardly talking at all would probably be most
appealing to most guys. If I had to choose between the two extremes,
I would choose the shy woman.
POSTED 1/3/2002
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 12200272631
Neither of the two extremes. Someone in the middle.
POSTED 1/3/2002
Charles, Dallas, TX, United States, 25, Male, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 12200241549
My wife of nine years, Polish by birth, is a quiet, reflective
woman whose spare use of words (by American standards, anyway) is
sometimes misinterpreted as unfriendliness. To be sure, talkative
people exist everywhere, but most Americans combine extreme
talkativeness with very poor listening skills. On the other hand,
Poles tend to be considerably less talkative and are very good
listeners. In a group setting, when one person is talking, everyone
else stays quiet and gives that person their undivided attention. The
first time an American in Poland is exposed to this, it is very
unsettling and feels more like tribal storytelling! I find my wife's
reflectiveness to be a refreshing antidote, and now that I've grown
used to this, I find it very annoying when others constantly announce
what they are thinking and doing at any given moment.
POSTED 1/3/2002
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 41, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 13200253510
Neither in particular. I like a girl because of who they are. If a
girl yammers all the time, very little of it contains actual content,
so I stop listening. If she never says anything, I can't get to know
her. Just be yourself, open up and say what comes naturally. If
nothing comes naturally, just respond to what the guy says. If he's
shy, talk about what's going on around you or ask questions. But on
the talkative/shy issue, err on the side of talkative.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Alex, Beloit, WI, United States, 18, Male, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Student, High School Diploma, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 13200283055
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Question:
Why is it that when interracial couples (black men/white women)
are out and about and see a very attractive black woman, they stare
at her (as if they want to be acknowledged or seen) or dramatically
grab, hug, or kiss each other? If you're dating for true love, why
put on the act? I've noticed this a lot lately, as my friends and I
are very attractive black women. I don't think white women really
understand something: We don't want the man you're with. We are
attracted to black men who are attracted to black women - get it?
POSTED 12/30/2001
Nikki T., Washington, DC, United States, 31, Female,
Black/African American, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg
ID 1228200180148
Responses:
I noticed this too, when I went shopping with two friends this
weekend in the mall. The couple (black man/white woman) became
especially lovey-dovey when we entered the store and began browsing
in the shoe area near them. This may not be typical of most
interracial couples, but reading Nikki's question triggered that
memory in me. I guess my annoyance in dealing with white women who
date black men is the fact that they try too hard. I have two cousins
who are married to white women, and it seems that the women try to
overcompensate for the fact that they aren't black, in particular
when we are in a family group setting. One used so much slang that
her own mother-in-law (my aunt) had to point out that we (meaning
black folks) don't talk like that all the time, and the majority of
the people in the room were college-educated. She was, of course,
embarrassed. She would be more accepted if she would be herself.
POSTED 1/2/2002
Tiffany, Houston, TX, United States, 28, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 12200294132
My guess is that they are attempting to throw it in the face of
their 'detractors,' whom they see as 'all' black women (or white men
- it happens to us, too) even though 90 percent of either population
couldn't care less.I participated in similar racial taunting as a
teenager. I lived in a racially mixed housing project where the lines
of race were fractured. If a female of one race went out with a male
of another, the males of the female's particular race would write if
off to 'money' (though we white guys didn't have any more money than
the blacks in the projects) or the 'taboo' factor (though 'Townie
White Trash' is looked upon as badly or worse than black folk among
many in society.) To combat such blatant racial stereotyping, I'd
throw it in the faces of the blacks or Puerto Ricans, to show that my
girlfriend was with me for me, not because of my supposed income. It
was a slap to the white guys, too. It's expected among some white
guys that going with a colored girl is fine, as long as it stays
behind doors. It was immature, to say the least, but I've grown out
of it. Racial ball-breaking is as old as the hills and won't go away
soon, until interracial relationships become 'normal' by American
standards.
POSTED 1/3/2002
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, <madskat@home.com>,
23, Male, Carpentry, High School Diploma, Lower class, Mesg ID
122002100229
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Question:
A strange thing came to my notice and I would like people's
comments on it: On doing a bit of research on the atrocities of
Muslim invaders on Hindus, I became interested in their invasions in
other parts of the world. I found that Arabs openly enslaved pagan
blacks and Christian Ethiopians long before the Portugese took
slaves, and they treated them very badly. Europeans were enslaved
extensively by the berber states of North Africa. White Christians
had their ears cut off, nails ripped off, etc. Their Muslim masters
openly called them white Christian dogs and used to say, 'See how I
control my Christian white dogs.' In addition, there were white
female slaves, especially slaves in Turkish harems. These harems even
had black, East Asian and Hindu slaves. Many Armenian and Serb
freedom fighters had their wives enslaved and sold in Turkish markets
after being raped by Ottoman generals, and their children were sold
as slaves, too. Another piece of information: when Britain decided to
ban transatlantic slavery, black tribal chiefs who had grown fat on
the slave trade sent diplomats to London and Paris to oppose the
move. Any comments are welcome.
POSTED 12/30/2001
Anand M., Ahmednagar, NA, India, 30, Male, Hindu, East Indian,
Straight, Educator, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
1228200145425
Responses:
Nice information. I've been looking up information on the history
of Islam, and this helps a lot. Thanks. Peace and blessings.
POSTED 1/3/2002
Mike, Atlanta, GA, United States,
<miguelito_cubano@hotmail.com>, 19, Male, Black/African
American, Straight, college student, 2 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 12200250024
European merchants were the first involved in the Trans-Atlantic
slave trade. Later on, African chiefs, kings and other leaders joined
in. It can be argued that Africa would have been left out of the
Trans-Atlantic trade if they (kings, chiefs, etc.) had not given up
their subjects as slaves. As a result, there was inter and
intra-ethnic wars, as well as the European merchants (moreover, slave
raiders) capturing innocent Africans. Surely, the chiefs had no idea
of the evils the Europeans were doing with their former
subjects/enemies. Foremost, they saw their own benefits: in exchange
for Africans, they received, among other things, guns and alcohol.
Furthermore, they (leaders in Africa) were a part of the global
trade. That said, it is obvious that the Trans-Atlantic trade
involved many forms of capitalism, yet at the same time it was the
hallmark of inhumanity. If any Trans-Atlantic trader was to know
this, it was the Europeans, assuming they had a heart.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Jarrett, Chicago, IL, United States, 20, Male, Black/African
American, Straight, full-time student, 2 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 11200260234
This is sheer propaganda. Given how Muslims and Hindus currently
dislike one another, the person's motive for this disinformation is
in question, especially considering that he didn't even ask a
question! Given the current religious climate of Islam, it's very
easy to characterize most Muslims as committing great atrocities. I
have both Muslim and Hindu friends who can attest to atrocities
having been committed by both sides in the Pakistani-Indian conflict.
A Hindu posting misinformation about Muslim atrocities is no better
than a Muslim doing the same about Hindu atrocities. Both sides are
pretty screwed up to have let this conflict escalate into a potential
nuclear war.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Michael K., New York, NY, United States, 22, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 13200215733
You could equally find lists of atrocities committed by Christians
on Muslims, eg. the acts of the Knights Hospitaller and Templar in
Palestine during the Crusades, or Christian pogroms against Russian
Jews, or the current State of Israel with its U.S.-financed military
actions against a largely Muslim population in Palestine. I'm sure
you'll find the odd riot in India instigated by Hindus against
Muslims. There's not much point looking for a set of atrocities that
fit your own perceptions of the world and ignoring those that don't
suit you. It's only when we can look beyond the sectarianism and try
to understand why we as humans find excuses to do these sorts of
things that we'll move forward.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Ben S., London, NA, United Kingdom, <bscaro@yahoo.com>, 33,
Male, Rosicrucian, White/Caucasian, Gay, Traveller, 4 Years of
College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 15200240654
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