Best of the Week
of Jan. 9, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Jan. 9, 2000, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our new
database using our search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Order the hilarious and heartwarming
book on Y?
"Why Do
White People
Smell Like Wet Dogs
When They Come
Out Of The Rain?"
ISBN: 0-9675971-0-2
Question:
To people born with a disability: Do you feel you were treated badly
by your parents because of your disability? And do you ever hate
yourself, your parents or G-d for your situation?
POSTED 11/22/1999
Y. Levin, Baltimore, MD, United States, Mesg ID 11211999112306
Responses:
I was born with absent radius
syndrome, which basically means my right arm is missing a bone. I
have a lot of other related deformities that make me look very
different. When I was growing up, I had no friends and was in so much
emotional pain that I basically had to turn my emotions off for 12
years. I learned to hate. I hate God and my parents and society and
doctors. I am learning not to hate. It is hard work.
POSTED 1/13/2000
P.L.G., Portales, NM, United States, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 113200023623
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Question:
The phrase "nice guys finish last" must be true. It seems like women
are only interested in jerks, morons and deadbeats. They say they
want a nice guy, but they end up with just the opposite. As a former
"nice guy," I've been getting the attention of women by treating them
like I don't care about them. That seems to get a response. I need to
know what the real deal is ladies. I think I'm better off treating
whores like ladies, and ladies like whores. If you think I'm wrong,
let me know.
POSTED 1/13/2000
Lamar, Detroit, MI, United States, 29, Male, Black/African American,
Straight, Technical School, Middle class,Mesg ID 1132000121042
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Question:
I am a middle-class Jewish guy with strong Progressive/Liberal
political ideas. I admit that I lead a pretty sheltered life. I was
wondering if minorities see people like myself, with ideas like mine,
as pompous?
POSTED 1/12/2000
Adam N., Encino, CA, United States, 36, Male, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Computer Technician, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 1122000122638
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Question:
Why do Asian people persist in using chopsticks (especially in the
United States) when knives, forks and spoons are available and so
much easier and more efficient to use?
POSTED 1/10/2000
David H., Mission Viejo, CA, United States, 31, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 12221999125900
Responses:
I beg to differ that knives and forks are easier to use. I grew
up using chopsticks, and I think they are elegant and very
intelligent utensils. Instead of stabbing your food with a fork, we
pick up the food delicately between two chopsticks. Most Asian foods
are delicately put together and do not lend themselves to be mauled
apart by knives and forks. For example, how would you eat sushi with
a knife and fork? I guess you can, but you would destroy the whole
point of sushi - it should be eaten whole in one bite. Almost all our
foods are prepared so that they are already bite-sized when served on
the table, so there's no need to cut. All that is done in the
preparation stage, in the kitchen. In that sense, I think knives and
forks are less efficient and cumbersome. I have a similar question
for you: Why do Westerners insist on using knives and forks when they
travel to Asian countries, even though chopsticks are available and
are so much easier and more efficient to use? You are looking at
things from only one viewpoint - very dangerous.
POSTED 1/11/2000
Cindy, New York, NY, United States, <cindy@alum.mit.edu>, 25,
Female, Asian, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 110200053033
I use chopsticks when dining Asian. When I started, I found them
no harder to master than using a spoon (which if you look at a
two-year-old at dinner can be quite messy). It's perfectly fine from
an etiquette perspective to use either in the United States - just
like using the correct Spanish pronunciation of 'Viejo' (or do you
say vai-ee-joe?)
POSTED 1/11/2000
Michael, Houston, UT, United States, 38, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Intranet Manager, 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 110200024357
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Question:
To older people or those who work with them: Is the quality of life
for elderly people who have no children worse than for those who do
have kids? I'm childless and don't plan on having children, and I
always hear "you'll be sorry when you're old and alone." Is this
true?
POSTED 1/10/2000
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30's, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Office Manager, 2 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 172000125101
Responses:
I have worked in a nursing home for four years. I can count the
number of clients who had their children visit them on one hand. As
far as I can see, except for retirement home workers, older people
living in care see very few people, regardless of how big their
family is.
POSTED 1/11/2000
Rebecca, Portland, OR, United States, Female, Mesg ID
110200031802
Although children can be a problem, they also create interest. I
think that if you have any meaningful relationship with your
children, you gain from it. And all grandchildren are perfect. Just
ask. If you don't want to have children, then form some friendships
with people who are the age your children would be. It's part of the
experience of life.
POSTED 1/11/2000
Porky, Austin, TX, United States, 60+, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Technical, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 110200043240
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Question:
How did Samoans get so big? I am built like a blacksmith, yet the
average Samoan guy makes me look like a runt! I am most impressed. Is
there a traditional folkloric explanation within Samoan culture as to
how they got bigger than everyone else? Is there a genetic
explanation? Any insight is much appreciated.
POSTED 1/10/2000
Dan, Los Angeles area, CA, United States, 21, Male, Pentecostal
Christian, Hispanic/Latino, student/dishwasher,Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 1229975943
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Question:
Here in Austin, the Church of Scientology seems to recruit more
heavily than most other churches. I often find fliers from them on my
car, and members have approached me when I pass their building to
invite me to come inside and take a 'free personality test' or watch
a movie about their religion. Why is this?
POSTED 4/20/1999
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 21, Female, White/Caucasian, Mesg ID
4209935504
Responses:
I may have put something on your
car. I am a church staff member in Austin. I do this because I want
to give other people a chance to gain the same knowledge I have
gained in Scientology. Scientology is very new, and can be practiced
without giving it up other religions.
POSTED 1/9/2000
Gary C., Austin, TX, United States, Male, Scientologist,
White/Caucasian, Church staff member, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
182000113547
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Question:
I just recently moved into South Boston, or Southie as some call it,
and I want to know about their attitudes. Why do they, and other
working-class whites, seemso racist? I've lived here two months, and
I've already heard many comments, and other prejudicial actions have
been taken against me. I'm not moving anytime soon because the
neighborhood's surprisingly cheap and safe. One thing that might help
- Southie is mostly Irish and Irish-American; maybe they have a
history of being this way?
POSTED 1/3/2000
Kawaida, South Boston, MA, United States, 17, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, College Student, Lower class, Mesg
ID 12200082745
Responses:
Kawaida: Southie has always been a racist neighborhood. You need
to read the history of Boston of the 1970s to get started on this
subject and then read the history of the immigrants' arrival in
Boston. Each succeeding nationality hated the next one because of
economics and fear of differences. The Irish are not the only group
who hate. You will find out more as you read and live your life.
Thanks for the question, though. It is thought-provoking and ought to
bring more than a few responses. I grew up in the Dorchester, Fields
Corner area, and during the '50s we were as bad as Southie. I left
Boston behind for many years because I hated all the hate that was
evident there. Things are better today, I believe, but not much in
some ways.
POSTED 1/10/2000
George G., Boothbay, ME, United States, 60, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, boatbuilder, 4 Years of College , Lower
class, Mesg ID 17200043706
There are three reasons, all related: Economics, education and
culture. Economically, working-class whites have the most to lose and
are the most threatened by unskilled labor. Since people of color
have historically been a large part of the underclass, they pose a
threat to working-class whites (who often complain that X minority
group is taking all of their jobs). This is also related to education
- working-class whites don't have the same access to higher education
and hence a higher standard of living. Culturally, it's more socially
acceptable among working-class whites to be racist. Among
middle-class whites, racism is a social stigma. This doesn't mean
middle-class whites aren't racist, it just means they hide it better
because they know it's improper. Alone with each other, middle-class
whites often say incredibly racist things if they feel comfortable
doing so.
POSTED 1/10/2000
Dziga, Minneapolis, MN, United States, 29, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Lower middle class,Mesg ID
16200023110
I think most whites would be concerned that blacks moving into the
area would tend to increase the number of crimes and gangs.
POSTED 1/10/2000
Buddy, Dallas, TX, United States, Mesg ID 15200052017
Most Irish and Irish-Americans are far more tolerant, having only
recently been under oppression by the English in their own homeland.
However, there are some areas where the working-poor Irish-Americans
tend to develop these racist attitudes. Typically, the areas are in
the larger East Coast cities where the immigrants would have settled
during the mid/late 1800s. During that time, the Irish immigrants
were treated very poorly, forced to live in ghettos and similar poor
conditions. When slavery was abolished, the Irish found themselves in
competition with the newly freed slaves. They were treated very much
the same at first. It was not until some Irish-Americans gained
political power and were able to influence change that the
circumstances were better for the Irish. But some of the Irish and
Irish-Americans who still experience poverty consider any other
minority group a threat, and act accordingly to protect their
resources and jobs. You will find that this attitude is fairly
widespread among Eastern cities, where ethnic groups have 'control'
of certain areas of the city and resist outsiders (Italians,
Russians, Polish, Haitians, etc.).
POSTED 1/10/2000
John K., Cranford, NJ, United States, <jkeegan3@home.com>, 26,
Male, Chemical Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 14200085605
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Question:
Why is it that a lot of females in their teens or twenties walk down
the street with their arms folded? This happens on warm days, too, so
it's not just because they might be cold. Is it an insecure thing, or
is it done so they are ready to respond to a possible attack?
POSTED 1/2/2000
Robert S., Poole, NA, United Kingdom, 23, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Mesg ID 12221999105026
Responses:
There could be several reasons. One that you mentioned is
insecurity. This is probably more prevalent in younger teen girls
whose bodies developed earlier than their peers. You might cross your
arms subconsciously to 'hide' yourself. Once you pick up this habit,
it becomes difficult to shake. Another possibility is that little
girls are encouraged to walk, stand and sit with 'ladylike' poise and
dignity; in other words, to keep body movements small and close to
the body, whereas it is more accepted for boys to be more active, to
take up more physical space. Finally, it may be a simple practical
matter. I carry a purse, a briefcase with a shoulder strap and a
lunchbox to work. Sometimes I have to cross my arms just to keep
everything from falling off my shoulders!
POSTED 1/4/2000
Stacee, Houston, TX, United States, 31, Female, Mesg ID
14200094042
I haven't seen that in the States, at least not in New York. I
tried to walk around like that for a few minutes and it doesn't even
feel natural. I think you're exaggerating when you say 'a lot' of
females do that.
POSTED 1/10/2000
Cindy, New York, NY, United States, <cindy@alum.mit.edu>, 25,
Female, Mesg ID 1102000124425
I'm a male, and I don't know, so this is an observation-based
guess - and I'd be happy to be corrected. My hunch is that it has to
do with women's self-consciousness about their breasts; about the way
their breasts move about as they walk, and whether they think men are
watching them and their breasts. And that the women feel
uncomfortable about this. I've noticed that even when they are in a
hurry (when moving quickly it would surely be a lot easier if they
swung their arms) some women also clasp their arms around themselves
as if to reduce the movement of their breasts, to such an extent that
they really move very awkwardly. It must be so hard to keep your
balance like this that I have to conclude that their
self-consciousness is the cause.
POSTED 1/10/2000
Steve H., Leeds, NA, United Kingdom,
<steve.hill@stevehil.globalnet.co.uk>, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Publisher's rep, 2 Years of College, Mesg
ID 19200050641
When I was around 12-16 I used to do this all the time in order to
hide my breasts. I felt very self-conscious about my developing body
and wanted to hide it.
POSTED 1/10/2000
C.P., Montreal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 22, Female, Mesg ID
152000120828
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