Best of the Week
of Jan. 13, 2002
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Jan. 13, 2002, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s database using the search form, or, in
the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the database as
well). In the Original Archives, as well as in the database, you will
find questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
My daughter is in the U.S. Air Force. She has been intimidated
by two black women on a daily basis. One of them gets in the chow
line and lets other blacks in. My daughter took offense to this and
told her it was not right. The black woman told her, 'I'm from L.A.,
you better shut your ass up or I'll whip you right here.' She has a
black roommate. Her roommate has black friends in the room all hours
of the day and night. They play rap music. If she is studying and
asks them to turn it down, they tell her to shut her mouth. Her
roommate turns the lights out when my daughter is in the middle of
something, and warns her not to turn them back on. Also, she will
come in in the wee hours of the morning with her friends and bang
around and flip the lights on. Again, if my daughter complains, they
get really nasty and tell her to shut her mouth. They sit on her bed.
The 'higher-ups' ignore the situation. She has called home in tears
several times. Every day, it is some form if intimidation. Yesterday
she told me she is the one who has to keep the room clean. Her black
roommate told her, 'I ain't moppin' no damn floor.' She is now
totally miserable. As I said, the 'higher-ups' ignore the situation.
She is about ready to go AWOL. There HAS to be a solution.
Comments?
POSTED 1/15/2002
Joseph, Covington, KY, United States, 47, Male,
White/Caucasian, High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID
112200255545
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Question:
A friend who is married (a woman) is having an affair with a
co-worker who is married. She told me it was an instant attraction
for both of them, and neither one of them wants to stop seeing the
other. They can't get enough of each other, but it's not just
physical. To those of you who have had affairs outside of your
marriage, why did you start the affair? What kept it going? Why do
you think men and women have extramarital affairs? Do men have
affairs just to get physical attention, or do some men fall in love
with these women? Do most women who have affairs have serious
feelings for these men, or are they just out for a piece of a**? I
know it's morally wrong; I'm just trying to get inside the head of
someone who has been there.
POSTED 11/2/2001
Missy, Somewhere, PA, United States, 34, Female,
White/Caucasian, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
111200191127
Responses:
Your friend has some serious problems. First, she is a dirty
whore. If she wants to do the decent thing, she would have told her
husband the second something happened with this other guy and worked
it out then. But going on like this is not right. Why do you think
Nicole Simpson was killed? And personally, I think she deserved it.
POSTED 1/11/2002
Patrick, Los Altos, CA, United States, 18, Male, Agnostic, Irish,
student, High School Diploma, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
1119200162844
OK, so Y? Forum wants to throw us a curveball and get us talking.
So you say that because Nicole Simpson MAY have been having an
affair, she deserved to be killed by her husband. Is that what you
are saying? You're saying that because O.J. didn't have what he
wanted, he was entitled to take a life, the life of the mother of his
children? People have affairs all the time and work their problems
out with their spouses. How do you deal with stress in relationships?
If you're in a relationship with someone and they dump you, am I
going to read about you in a headline somewhere? Or have I already
read about you?
POSTED 1/15/2002
Beth, Jacksonville, FL, United States,
<b041889@hotmail.com>, 34, Female, Catholic, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Journalist, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
114200262737
When I got married, my fiance knew I was attracted to women, and
he knew I intended to continue seeing women. Neither of us object to
this arrangement. Technically this constitutes an affair, although
neither of us consider it so. An affair involves lying, and there is
no lying involved in my marriage. He would be upset if I were seeing
men, but I have no interest in that; my husband will give me anything
I want from a man. He just can't be a woman. He is sensitive and
loves to talk to me. We do not agree about everything, which keeps us
interested in each other.
POSTED 1/11/2002
Kerry, Ventura, CA, United States, 32, Female, Wiccan,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Stagehand, Over 4 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 12200292318
The attraction that is involved in extramarital affairs is
completely natural. The longing or needing to engage in an affair is
usually the result of an unsatisfactory relationship at home. I have
had an affair, and it opened my eyes to the sorry state of my
marraige. Two years later, the affair is long over, and I am awaiting
final divorce. I have no regrets, not a one. The temporary
relationship allowed me to see beyond what I was blind to and gave me
the strength I needed to survive the end of long-term bondage.
POSTED 1/11/2002
Mike, Rural area, AL, United States, 44, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 111200215332
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respond
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Question:
Why is the fantasy genre so offensive in the Christian
community? Most pious Christians oppose fantasy novels (including the
Harry Potter series), video gaming and definitely role-playing games
such as Dungeons and Dragons. Despite my Christian background, I
enjoy this genre, especially when playing computer games. In my mind,
fantasy is just that - fantasy - a world of make-believe. It is a
genre that allows for more literary freedom because some of the
limitations found in real life can be removed. And as long as the
person being entertained by this form knows it is make-believe, what
is wrong with it? As far as 'magic,' it is used in children's
fairytales such as Cinderella, and most Christians don't ban their
children from reading those stories, so what's wrong with the type of
fantasy found in Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States,
<kfount500@aol.com>, 21, Female, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Transcriber, 2 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 142002121032
Responses:
Two main reasons: First, some Christians view anything that is
supernatural but not Christian as being of the devil, or at least a
vehicle for the devil's influence. Second, it is suspected of getting
people's minds off the Christian message, as though there can be a
world of the spirit that has nothing to do with Jesus Christ (who in
orthodox Christianity is 'begotten, not made' and created the entire
universe). As long as fantasy is recognized as being only that -
fantasy - I see no conflict between it and Christianity.
Incidentally, Tolkien was a devout Christian, and there are said to
be Christian themes, albeit hidden, through his writings, including
'Lord of the Rings.' The British seem to have a special affinity for
fantasy literature.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 41, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
162002105736
I see nothing wrong with fantasy as long as it doesn't draw people
away from God. I enjoy movies such as The Lord of the Rings, The
Never Ending Story and others. However, fantasy entertainment such as
Harry Potter makes me uncomfortable. I saw a Harry Potter book of
spells one day in Target. Although it was meant to provide innocent
entertainment to children, it seems to me that Harry Potter promotes
witchcraft. We just need to be careful of what we expose children to.
Of course, all fantasy is not evil; most of it is just innocent
entertainment, but we need to be careful in choosing our
entertainment.
POSTED 1/9/2002
Mike, Detroit, MI, United States, 21, Male, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Student, 4 Years of College, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 182002100107
Given the immense popularity of fantasy in all types of
entertainment, I think its hard to say that 'most' Christians oppose
it (unless they are very hypocritical and are surreptitiously
consuming what they are opposing). Also, there are some fantasy works
that are praised by Christians for their underlying Christian message
(Lewis' Narnia Chronicles are the most well-known). I think the
opposition currently being heard against some fantasy movies and
books has mostly to do with how loud some people complain and a
desire to play up the controversy for extra publicity for the
products in question.
POSTED 1/15/2002
Lisa, Milwaukee, WI, United States, 38, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID
1142002121924
I think this is an American thing reflecting the Puritan tradition
of the continent. U.S. Christians can be more fundamental than their
European counterparts. Certainly in Europe there has been no
religious backlash against fantasy. J.R.R. Tolkien, regarded by many
as the father of the fantasy genre, was a practicing Christian. If
you read the children books written by his good friend and Oxford
colleague C.S. Lewis, you�ll find many references to Christianity.
Lewis was even more devout, but this didn�t stop him commenting as
Tolkien read from The Lord of the Rings at their writing club,
famously muttering, "Oh God, not another f**king elf."
POSTED 1/17/2002
Ollie, London, NA, United Kingdom, Mesg ID 110200255302
Basically, people oppose such things out of ignorance and fear. To
attribute 'magic power' to things like fantasy and witchcraft is
merely backward superstition. Many people are afraid of anything that
is at a variance from their own beliefs, and rather than just ignore
it, they try to prevent others from indulging in it.
POSTED 1/17/2002
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 116200275717
Christianity was founded on a principle of converting the
'heathens' so they may be saved from hell. Many of these heathens
were the indigenous people of wherever they may be located. It could
be Rome, Ireland, Guam, Mexico, Polynesia or any country. These
countries had their own major religion predating Christianity, and
many of these nations' religious ceremonies included acts that many
deem to be supernatural, such as talking to spirits while under
hypnosis and using spiritual drugs, talking to ancestors through the
use of icons, fire walking, whirling, levitation, meditation, various
sexual positions that included many people of same or various sexes
and were not 'missionary,' and so on. Mayan rulers took part in a
ceremony that included an all-male orgy where various drugs were
used, including a beer suppository. Acts like these were seen as
against God. In order to ensure a faithful following, the native
people's former beliefs were either squashed or built upon. An
example of Christianity building upon another religion can be found
among the Celtics. The Celts paid tribute to three main gods that
stood for nature, and a symbol in their religion was specific
monolithic rocks. However, in order to appease the violent Christian
missionaries, they carved an image of the cross into the stone, and
continued their private worship toward the Celtic gods. However, many
of the wealthy landowners were Christians and claimed divine right to
rule and convert anyone considered a barbarian. Santeria is another
Christianity-blended religion. The followers worship a Black Madonna,
whose origins of mythology do not exactly stem from the same as that
of the Biblical lands. However, purist Christians frown upon this.
Spain was one of the more violent missionary countries. The king
allowed for expeditions, as long as riches were brought back and
people were converted to the Christian faith, which was what the king
used to keep his subjects complacent. To sum this up, playing with
witchcraft, such as that of the Celtic pagans who donned ceremonial
capes and headresses, rubbed ointments of drugs on their mucous
membranes and made human sacrifices to the lake, would call upon
people to act un-Christian, because these were the ritualstic acts of
another religion.
POSTED 1/17/2002
Pat, New York, NY, United States, 22, Female, Bahai Faith, Asian,
Straight, student, 4 Years of College, Lower class, Mesg ID
117200220330
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Question:
The way I see it, Rap, Hip-Hop and R&B have been viewed as
traditionally 'black' styles of music, but Heavy Metal, for example,
has been seen as a traditionally 'white' style of music. Why is it
that there are many white people who like Rap/Hip-Hop/R&B, but
seemingly fewer black people who like Heavy Metal?
POSTED 4/15/2001
Michael, Sydney, NA, Australia, 20, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID
414200151829
Responses:
Hmmm. Come to think of it, I went to see Pink Floyd a few years
back and did not see any blacks. Take that back - there were a half
dozen young black men scalping tickets. I remember seeing two black
men at a Pink Floyd-Led Zeppelin laser show once. Funny thing about
that was, both had white boyfriends. Yep, they were holding hands. I
have a black friend who tortures me with RAP music when I am in his
Surburban. When he's in my pickup truck, I torture him with the worst
Country Western I can find. Tortures me too, Country Western does.
Point is, there does not seem to be music we can both enjoy at the
same time. I guess it is petty of me to torture both of us with
C&W, but this gets the 'best' response outta him. Of course, he
laughs at me and cranks up the player when we're in the Surburban.
Now, you don't think that's gonna go unanswered, do you?
POSTED 1/15/2002
Joseph, Covington, KY, United States, 47, Male, White/Caucasian,
High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID 112200272430
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Question:
Why do some American small towns have a disproportionate number
of people who are mean, sarcastic, belligerent and even violent?
We've all heard stereotypes about 'the next town over,' but I am
referring to places that are just 'known' for being especially
treacherous. There is one small town, for instance, that is known for
taking its high school football VERY seriously, and where it is not
uncommon to run afoul of someone and receive the threat 'I'll cut ya'
(i.e., with a knife). There is another small town where it seems like
everyone is angry at everyone else all the time, and they constantly
put one another 'in their place.' I could go on. I'd be interested in
knowing whether anyone has studied unique demographics that make some
places meaner than others.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 41, Male,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
14200264847
Responses:
Maybe you can name this place and a scientist could actually
study it. Since you're probablly talking about a town in the South,
maybe you can read Mark Twain, and it could answer your questions.
Read Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. Twain talks about family feuds,
money, racism and boredom. All this makes people mean.
POSTED 1/17/2002
Pat, New York, NY, United States, 22, Female, Bahai Faith, Asian,
Straight, student, 4 Years of College, Lower class, Mesg ID
117200234357
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Question:
Do all Wicca followers dabble in witchcraft? What do followers
who don't dabble in witchcraft do as far as practical doctrines? Do
Wiccas acknowledge that where there's witchcraft, there's the
spiritual world? And that in the spiritual world there is both
extreme good and extreme evil? Aren't Wiccas who practice witchcraft
afraid of making themselves vulnerable to possible attacks by evil
spirits, which may be inadvertently summoned through aiming to
perform white witchcraft? How do they know they are 100 percent safe
when performing witchcraft?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Robert S., Poole, NA, United Kingdom,
<rms6859@postmaster.co.uk>, 25, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Mesg ID 13200233341
Responses:
Witchcraft is totally ineffective, so it won't harm you other
than wasting your time. It won't do you any good, either.
POSTED 1/17/2002
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 112200281924
Wicca is a modern movement based on older religions. Whatever
'witchcraft spell' they perform varies greatly. Many religions
believe that anyone is susceptible to attacks of evil if their heart
is in the wrong place. 'The greedy get caught and go to jail.'
Priests or priestesses conduct ceremonies under controlled
conditions. They use various prayers and symbols as protection, such
as the circle, to ward off evil spirits that may prey upon the weak.
Usually a priest can tell if someone is not ready for a spell or
ceremony. No one is 100 percent safe unless they are incredibly
good-willed and free from want, which is a founding belief of
Buddhism. Hell in Buddhism and Hinduism is the endless cycle of
rebirth. Karma is what goes around comes around, so don't send out
bad energy. The Navajo will protect against evil in a ceremony by
using cedar and holy smoke; The Chinese will use the bagong mirror
and fengshui dragons; Christians use water and chanting; some people
believe in gargoyles, others believe in the eye. Evil is deemed to be
desire for materialism or other ignorant needs. So conduct yourself
wisely. Many religions believe spirits walk among us, and animals are
sentient beings that can listen. Those raised to a higher spiritual
consciousness are not always good-hearted or clear-minded. They may
take advantage of you, too, unknowingly, on either your or their
part. Heaven's Gate was a spiritual cult with whom the participants
believed they would be taken to the other world upon a comet. The
'other world' or fourth dimension has been theorized to exist, but it
is said that you can't take anything material with you, so if you
travel, remind yourself why you are doing so.
POSTED 1/17/2002
Pat, New York, NY, United States, 22, Female, Bahai Faith, Asian,
Straight, student, 4 Years of College, Lower class, Mesg ID
117200224627
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Question:
Why, despite the fact that many Asian businesses are run in
black neighborhoods (beauty supply stores, restaurants, liquor
stores, etc.) is there such animosity between Asians (Japanese,
Chinese) and blacks? Conversely, East Indians seem to get along
better with blacks. In fact, I live in a very well-to-do
neighborhood, with 60 percent of the population being black and the
other 40 percent a mixture of whites and East Indians. Also, why do
many Asians act more racist toward blacks than whites do? It seems
acceptable among some of them to show blatant racism toward blacks -
racism that the average educated white person would never do, at
least on purpose. It appears that they view blacks as beneath them,
although many of them find economic opportunities in black
neighborhoods. Is the "model minority" complex that is prevalent
among the Asian race preventing them from seeing the plight of
blacks, a fellow minority?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States,
<kfount500@aol.com>, 21, Female, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Transcriber, 2 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 142002115548
Responses:
Asians in general are a racist bunch, but then again, so are a
lot of other groups. This sounds very petty, but I assure you, at
least in a general sense, it's true. In Asia, skin color is very
important. You'll notice that Asians come in many shades, even within
one group (such as Chinese). Dark skin automatically labels you as
something lower or inferior, because in the old days, this meant you
were a laborer in the fields, exposed to the sun. Light skin means
you're rich, or at least upper-middle class and out of the sun. It's
incredibly, embarassingly stupid, but true. Whenever the subject of
race comes up at family gatherings, I'll be sure to hear some kind of
comment on skin color. One of my cousins is an avid swimmer, and he
often receives comments on his dark skin, in the negative realm. On
the other hand, I'm rather fair-skinned, and whenever my grandmother
gave me compliments on my fair skin, I wouldn't accept them.
POSTED 1/6/2002
Sarah C., San Francisco, CA, United States, 24, Female, Agnostic,
Asian, 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 16200250902
I've lived in Japan for 20 years and have never felt any racial
prejudice because of my yellow skin. Yes, of course it's true Asians
have racism toward blacks; my mother and grandmother say, ' If you
come back home with n****rs, I would force you to go out of the
house.' I cannot understand why people, even my mother, who have
never been wronged by blacks, have strong racism against them. It's
because people around us do, so we do. But, I want you to know that
my generation in Japan (including me) have no prejudice toward blacks
or any other race. It's because we don't have reason to. Please do
not be so disappointed about the problems. The number of people who
do not have racial prejudice is increasing, I can say.
POSTED 1/9/2002
Yayoi, Tokyo, NA, Japan, 20, Female, Buddhist, Asian, Straight,
student, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 19200295107
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Question:
Can anyone tell me, once and for all, which religious belief is
the one true faith that will guarantee me a place in heaven? And, why
should I believe you?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Douglas, Pontiac, MI, United States, 40, Male, White/Caucasian,
Engineer, Technical School, Middle class, Mesg ID 15200265343
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Question:
What does the term "White Bread" mean?
POSTED 1/6/2002
Brando, Vancouver, British Colombia, WA, United States, Mesg ID
15200275444
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