Best of the Week
of Jan. 17, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of Jan. 17, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question Code
Key:
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A=Age
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GD=General
Diversity
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RE=Religion
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C=Class
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G=Geography
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SE=Sensitive
Matters
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D=Disabilities
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O=Occupation
|
SO=Sexual
Orientation
|
|
GE=Gender
|
R=Race/Ethnicity
|
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THE QUESTION:
R382: Why is it that many Puerto
Ricans and other Hispanics speak so loudly when in groups?
POSTED JULY 26, 1998
Sage <mcsage@bigfoot.com,>, Brooklyn, NY
FURTHER NOTICE:
It's an absolutely true
cultural thing. There are many kinds of Hispanics, and the social and
educational level has to do with their conduct, but in general, we
tend to be louder and more visible than many other discreet and
serious people. I don't really want to say it in everyone's face, but
the reason we act like we do is that we don't care about who or
what's around us when it comes to having a good time and enjoying
life with our friends (or having an argument). Our sense of privacy
is not so strict, so if you hear our conversation or what we're
joking about, fine, laugh with us and join the fun. Being happy,
dancing, messing around and laughing out loud is sort of in our
blood. We are a mixed breed of native indigenous, white European and
black; we picked up this particular trait somewhere in the mix.
POSTED JAN. 22, 1999
Nelson A., 29, white, Hispanic <nelsoneas@hotmail.com>, Caracas, Venezuela
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO119: Is there any way to make
up for having taken part in gay bashing many years ago, short of
turning myself in?
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Anonymous
ANSWER 1:
Many people gay-bash out of
fear, lack of understanding and often to cover their deep-seated
fears that they too have these leanings (the desire to be with the
same sex.) Often those with the most desire to gay-bash are latent
homosexuals in denial of their own desires, sexually. They bash as if
to say, "I am different and I don't like you." But it's usually out
of fear of their own sexuality that they don't want to face.
Therefore, homosexuals are really bashing their own. It's time to
either face and look at your own sexual desires and deal with this
question, or vow no longer to hurt others, by words or physical
actions. If you feel that you are not hiding from looking at your own
homosexual tendencies, then you can do something else to handle the
problem of past gay-bashing: Work to end the oppression. Join an
organization that works toward ending the oppression of the
gay/lesbian person, and be a "Straight but not narrow" person who
helps end oppression. And certainly don't engage in further
gay-bashing, and stay away from those who do. Changing you is
changing society and being a positive person. Even asking the
question shows you care about how you act toward others and want to
change the behavior. Good for you.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Diane P., female, Northern California
FURTHER NOTICE:
If you know who the person
was, or if the crime was reported to the police, you might first try
making direct reparations to your victim for their financial losses
(medical bills, lost work, counseling, etc.) This could be done
anonymously with a letter asking their forgiveness, and could go a
long way to helping your victim in their own recovery. The financial
hardship to you will be nothing compared to the physical, emotional
and financial pain your victim went through.
Besides donating time and money to
numerous worthy gay and lesbian causes that I'm sure many others will
mention, you might try the following: A) Volunteer to work with a
Victims' Reparation program, particularly in regard to gay-bashing
incidents or other hate crimes. This will give you a much stronger
appreciation for what your victim went through. B) Lobby for
inclusion of "sexual orientation" in hate crime bills and civil
rights protections in your state, town, company, etc. Write your
state senator and representative. Testify before the legislature.
Write an editorial for your local newspapers, both mainstream and
gay. Let your voice be heard. Become an active ally. C) If this was a
group attack, contact those who participated with you and let them
know your change of heart. Ask if they would be willing to help in
your recovery process or begin one of their own by making voluntary
reprarations for past crimes.
While nothing will completely mend
shattered lives, I commend your efforts to try to rectify past
wrongs.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
DykeOnByke, 48, lesbian <DykeOnByke@aol.com>, Southfield , MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I suppose it depends on
whether you know who you bashed - you could make amends to them
personally . If you don't, you might consider helping out if you see
a gay person being harassed. These are both more positive responses
than turning yourself in, which probably won't help anyone -
obviously you are suffering for your wrongdoing already.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Ben S., queer Caucasian male <bscaro@hotmail.com>, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Volunteer in one of the
neighborhood watch groups that exist in most cities that patrol gay
neighborhoods to prevent bashings. If none exist, volunteer for
community service in one of the gay/lesbian organizations in your
area. Above all, challenge others around you to stop if you see them
slipping toward hate - in word or deed.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Michael, 37, gay white male <txmichael@worldnet.att.net>, Houston , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Check your local phone
business directory for the local chapter of Parents, Family, and
Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Call them and tell them you
would like to make a donation. If you want to do more, you could
offer to attend a meeting and tell about your experience and why you
now feel it was wrong. You don't need to give any incriminating
details. PFLAG people are among the most loving and friendly on the
planet. You need fear no harm. Good luck and God bless you for your
change of heart (perhaps she already has!)
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Lewis T., 52 <lthom3@aol.com>, Grosse Pointe, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
No. I suggest you take
personal responsibility for your actions. You cannot assuage your
guilt by making a monetary donation to a cause. Face up to what you
did, apologize sincerely and accept the consequences of your
actions.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Dan H., 35 <dnh6n@virginia.edu>, Charlottesville, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The primary point is that you
recognize what you did wrong. As to any action you take now, that's
something neither I nor anyone else can truly answer for you.
Personally, if I were in your shoes, I'd think about what I would say
to my child if they came to me with this question. It depends on the
severity of the action. Is it something you can remedy today with
action? Or would the action just bring up old wounds and not bring
closure to you or the other person? I have a friend who volunteers
weekly with an AIDS support group. During a lunch discussion, she
shared with me her reason for doing the work. She kept her sister's
best friend from getting a job he wanted because he was gay. She felt
he had no business working with kids. In later years, she discovered
how irrational her actions were. But he had moved, had a good job and
she hadn't spoken to him in years. This is her way of acquiring the
closure she needs for her actions. It's really up to you. But, I
think you'v matured by just asking this question.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Alma,white lesbian <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Be an activist. Support your
local community center. Speak out against homophobia and
heterosexism. Offer to speak to young gay groups, etc. And stop
beating yourself up. It is quite typical, although wrong, to gay-bash
to protect yourself from society's hatred of
gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/queer people. Please, get into
therapy, with a reputable therapist, so you can go on. It's OK.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Sheila, 49, lesbian, g/l/b/t/q youth director <Hopeteens@aol.com>, W. Palm Beach , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
The most productive act of
contrition would be to make your change of heart work for a better
environment for all of us, free from hate of any kind. Specifically,
be supportive of gays' and lesbians' right to live free of hate and
prejudice. Join a local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays). But most importantly, take every opportunity to
share your change of heart. A lot of people need to hear a voice of
reason that begins with "I used to feel that way, but then...." Hate
and prejudice are born of fear and survive only in ignorance.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Harry <Ustreet@aol.com>, Washington , DC
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
GE40: What is the overall opinion
of people sleeping together on the first date or the initial
encounter? As a man, I would surely sleep with a woman given the
chance, but I would have a real problem forming any kind of solid
relationship with her.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Pasquale, 30, male <Pasquale@homedics.com>, Dearborn, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
If a woman or a man wants to
have a sexual encounter on the first date, there is nothing wrong
with it. Having sex on a first date is not a commitment to anything
other than having a good time on a first date. I think in our
culture, we place too much emphasis on sex. Sex is to be enjoyed for
the pure physical pleasure of it. Why does there have to be a
commitment or an emotional attachment to it? If, having sexual
encounters with a partner, a relationship forms, this is a bonus.
However, to have sex for the pure enjoyment of sex is a go in my book
as long as it is safe sex and the partners protect themselves from an
unwanted pregnancy.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Sher S., female, 52 <sherri.shepherd@reichhold.com>, Raleigh, NC
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
G68: A while back I moved from a
Miami suburb to the Boston area for college. People here seem less
inclined to greet one another on the street and less courteous in
general. Does anyone have an explanation for this, which many others
have noted as well?
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Alex, 18, white male <purdy@fas.harvard.edu>, Cambridge, MA
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
GD58: What is the justification
for increased penalties for "hate crimes"? Why should an assault
motivated by greed incur a lesser sentence than one motivated by the
victim's race or religion? To me, the only mitigating factor that
should be reasonably recognized is premeditation; eg. accidental
vehicular homocide vs. a planned murder. The idea of "hate crime"
smacks awefully close to Orwell's concept of "thought crime" in my
book.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Jeff E., 37, male, Redondo Beach, CA
ANSWER 1:
You say the only legitimate
aggravating factor in dealing with crime is premeditation. What could
be more premeditated than a bias crime? Targeting someone as a victim
just because of the way that person looks, loves or thinks is about
as premeditated as you can get, I would think, and strikes right at
the heart of an orderly, respectful society. That's why bias crimes
are treated more forcefully (or should be).
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Andrew, 35, Jewish <ziptron@start.com.au>, Huntington , NY
FURTHER NOTICE:
What is the justification for
increasing penalties for cop-killings, multiple killings, killings
during robbery, killing children or drug-related killings? Some
crimes are so heinous and offensive that we say they should be
treated more harshly. The criteria is not always consistent.
Cross-burning is protected speech now. Cosby's kid's killer was not
charged with a hate crime, even though race played the main part in
his choice of a victim, because robbery was his main motive. The
bigger danger of focusing on hate crimes is that it allows people to
falsely think "I'm not racist because I don't use violence against X
group." One civil rights leader said he didn't worry much about
Klansmen in sheets, he worried about the ones in business suits.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
ACC, Mexican and American Indian, San Antonio , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
If the target of a crime was
targeted because of their difference (race, color, religion, national
origin, physical or mental challanges, sexual orientation, gender)
then a level of pre-meditation has occurred. For example, in many
jurisdictions, robbing a store is a crime, as is murder. But if you
kill someone while you are in the process of committing a felony,
then the statute argues for a more severe penalty. In the military
(specifically, the Air Force), if a fight breaks out, and during the
fight someone uses a racial epithet, it may not be classified as an
Equal Opportunitty Treatment Incident (EOTI). However, if the epithet
were used before the attack, the likelihood of it being classified as
an EOTI is dramatically increased.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Frank G., White Anglo-Hispanic Pagan, 31 <gonzalez1@hauns.com>, Alamogordo , NM
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
You get mugged, hey, you were
in the wrong place at the wrong time. You get victimized in a hate
crime and you are terrorized by the idea that the assault may be the
first of several. It's random vs. personal.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
B. Hale, white <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford , CT
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
If a group of women who feel
that all men are pigs decide to get together every Friday night and
lure the first man they meet into a car and then beat the hell out of
him, do you think the distinction as to why the crime was committed
would be a minor factor? Particularly since that action will be
repeated if focus is not drawn to why it occurred in the first
place?
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Alma, white lesbian <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
In America, everyone has the
right to hate. In fact, the Constitution affords each of us the right
to live as inclusively or exclusively as we choose. However, while
hate itself is an individual choice. Hateful "deeds" are different in
that they are actions against others that are punishable by law. The
federal government has a moral and ethical obligation to intervene in
behaviors that are deemed unusually viscious, inhumane,
mean-spirited, unnatural, etc. People organize their lives around
their identities and beliefs, so attacks on either become matters of
common good and civil wrongs. Annually, our country spends millions
on crime prevention education, and there is proof that most
strategies, when implemented properly, do work. For instance, we can
be warned about the dangers of traveling alone or flashing large
amounts of money, etc, .but there is no sane or reasonable way to
prepare one for situations when skin or beliefs alone present an
imminent danger. It would be like telling black people "don't be
black there, but it's safe to be black over here." The bottom line is
that when hate crimes do occur, the government has a duty to shield
and protect those of us who are willing to deal with our differences
and "isms" in more civil and humane ways. Hate crimes do receive more
public scrutiny and media attention, but keep in mind that the
perpetrator is being punished not for the hate itself but rather for
the socially unacceptable and viscious "deeds" committed - crimes
often viewed as distinguishing man from beast.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Dee W. black female <Westde@hiram.edu>, Cleveland , Oh
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
RE82: Occasionally I experience
anti-Catholic bias from some Protestant Christians. I understand that
since the Reformation there was a general feeling of distrust
directed toward Roman Catholics by the sects that broke away, but why
do some people still hold on to that distrust? What is it about
Catholics that scares certain fellow Christians?
POSTED JULY 27, 1998
Stephen S., 31, Catholic, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I've been both, and the real
reason is that the heart of Protestant theology is protest against
religious authority. Protestants broke away from the Catholic Church
and the authority of Rome by declaring that the Bible alone was the
sole basis of the Christian faith. When asked to define a cult, for
instance, the Protestant will declare "anyone who claims you need
another source to correctly interpret the Bible." This includes
Catholics. The further the group's theology and Biblical
interpretation is from Catholicism, typically the more fearful and
antagonistic they are toward Catholics. Some denominations go as far
as embracing Catholic heresies in their theologies ("Name it and
claim it" churches have a strong dose of gnosticism in their
teachings, for instance) and will almost kick you out the door for
being Catholic. I've been there. I know.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Peter P., Roman Catholic, Redford, MI
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THE QUESTION:
C5: Do people who live in
expensive houses on hills that overlook a city feel superior to those
who live below? I often wonder when I look up at these houses whether
people buy them because they like the view or because they feel
superior to everyone else, or a combination of the two. Or are there
other reasons?
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Tom, Fremont, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
Did it ever occur to people
that a pretty view is preferred over a less-pretty view? Most views
from a hilltop are better than those from a flat area. Having nice
things is universally desirable. Why do people who like nice things
always have to be considered to have alternative reasons? The desire
for nice things is what keeps some of us productive.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
65-year-old white male <flyanavajo@aol.com >, Centerville, OH
To
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THE QUESTION:
D17: I would like to know why
being fat has such a negative connotation in our society. It seems to
bring out a "wounded bird in the flock" reaction in some people. "Fat
slob" or "lazy, fat slob"; these words almost go together
automatically. Do we ever say "skinny slob" or "lazy, tall slob"?
Being skinny, tall, short, bald, long-haired, etc. doesn't carry the
same insult. Being fat is almost synonymous with being disgusting.
I've struggled for years to improve and maintain my self-worth in a
world that says I'm defective and disgusting. What's up?
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
38-year-old mom, fat, married and loved, Overeaters Anonymous member,
Long Beach, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
The last bastion of
permissible discrimination in the United States is against obesity.
It seems that it's all right to denigrate, demean, ridicule and
otherwise ostracize people who have some sort of problem with their
weight. Just try getting a job in any number of disciplines in this
country if you're overweight. This society seems to think that all
overweight people have a problem with "will power." "Just quit
eating," "Stop feeding your face," "Go on a diet" are all cliches
that have no meaning for most overweight people, but for those who
have never fought this extremely emotional battle, fat equals
inferior, weak.
It is not just a word - no more than
"nigger" is just a word. It is hurtful and painful. I was born with
genetics that left me somewhat overweight, even immediately following
Marine Corps boot camp. I was in good shape, but I was still
overweight. I'd like to see some of the people who think it's just an
eating problem try that as a weight control measure. On top of all
that, if you're overweight, just try getting a date in today's
society. People look at you like you're nuts. Why would they ever
want to date a "fat" person? Who wants to go to the beach, a pool or
anywhere else where some state of undress is de riguer when you feel
like you want to crawl under a rock? It hurts all the time. But
society says "Fat is Bad," so we all think we should look like some
anorexic aberration. And then we offer "professional help" for
anorexics, bulimics and the like. But if you're obese, it's all your
fault. No professional help for you. Just insipid programs that serve
mostly to make their organizers wealthy. It all comes down to the
incredibly superficial society that exists in this nation today.
To all you folks out there who think
that because I'm fat, I have a problem, I urge you to examine your
own personal values and standards. It's you who has the worse
problem
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Middle-aged white male, West Caldwell, NJ
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
RE134: As an educated, rational
and tolerant Jew, I have an irrational fear and hate of Christians
(especially evangelists). Any talk of Christianity always provokes an
abusive and violent reaction from me. Does any older Jew or Christian
understand this?
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Nicholet, 15, Jewish female, Wheaton, IL
ANSWER 1:
I understand your anger. When
the same thing happens to me, I get angry, too. I believe your anger
is a natural response to some stranger whose opinion you don't really
value questioning your entire religious belief system and telling you
it is invalid. The real problem is that your response is
non-functional. In fact, it reinforces the evangelist's belief that
he or she is right and you are wrong. The next time this happens, you
might try the following approach: Simply tell the person that you
find his or her comments insulting. That he or she is telling you
that your beliefs are of no value, and that you resent it. Then tell
that person that he is behaving in an un-Christian manner, in that he
lacks charity. At the very least, you will confuse the person.. At
best, he or she might change his conduct.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Jerry, 65, Jewish male, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
Thank you for your honesty.
As a Christian and former missionary, let me begin by saying I share
your revulsion for many of the Christian televangelists out there. I
have hurried to change the channel on them more times than I can
count. Sadly, it seems the majority of Christian televangelists are
motivated by ego and/or greed. There are some exceptions; Billy
Graham comes to mind, but very few. And even among the rank and file
"Christians," there's a lot of hypocrisy and hate. I remember in
grade school hearing a girl say that Christians should hate Jews
because the Jews killed Jesus. Well, duh., Jesus was a Jew! So was
every single writer of the Old and New Testaments.
I think this kind of "Christian"
wears the label without knowing what it stands for. Being born into a
Christian family doesn't make someone a Christian anymore than being
born in a garage would make them a car. Trouble is, they don't
realize that.
The world would be a much better
place if people who called themselves Christians would follow the
example of the one from whom they got their name: Christ; a Jew who
changed the course of history not by starring in a TV or radio show
or publishing books and magazines or spending and raising lots of
money, but by His love. Look for Christians like these. God
bless.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Tess, female <lilyae@hotmail.com>, CO
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am older (42), but I am an
atheist. However, I share your overreaction to Christians -
especially extremists. Maybe the overreaction is to the fact that
they are so convinced that anyone who disagrees with them is wrong.
While philosophically I try to practice live and let live, it becomes
harder to let those alone who believe my existence is harmful in some
way and who want to make my children be like them.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Mark, 42, atheist <mweaver@remcen.ehhs.cmich.edu>, Mt. Pleasant, Mi
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
It doesn't sound like you are
that rational or tolerant if you hold this anger. I am also an
educated Jew but have never encountered this type of reaction.
Perhaps you should try talking to someone (a rabbi or therapist,
perhaps) about it. That may help you get to the root of your
anger.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
White Jew, San Francisco Bay Area, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I do understand it, Nicholet.
Having been raised Roman Catholic, I can tell you there are a few
Catholics who have the same irrational fear and hatred of
evangelists. It comes from certain denominations that lambaste the
Church structure, accuse us of being a cult and assert that the Pope
is the anti-Christ (among many other things). And we get this from
fellow Christians! I ignore such misinformed assumptions and
accusations, but some Catholics cannot. The important thing to keep
in mind is that not all Christians are the same. There are many
different denominations, and while some may exhibit the behavior that
obviously turns you off to Christians, many others have different
theological viewpoints that may mesh with your own. Don't let your
emotions get the better of you. Listen to a few more Christians, and
you just may find one or two who will surprise you.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Stephen S., 31, Catholic/Episcopalian, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Perhaps it would be wise for
you to examine your prejudices and fears about Christiantiy and
evangelism; that way, you might better understand where this anger is
coming from. From my own biased perspective, the proselytizing aspect
of evangelical Christianity annoys me to some extent. I don't like
the idea of someone trying to "sell me" on their religion. I already
have my own religion, faith and set of spiritual standards by which I
was raised. My tolerance and respect for other religions comes only
from learning more about them through people who practice them. I am
culturally (not religiously) Jewish, and my brother practices
born-again Christianity. His and my beliefs sometimes intersect,
since we still believe in the same God and share basic beliefs about
spirituality and faith, but there are many times I find myself unable
to accept his beliefs as part of my own. That's fine. You can respect
someone without agreeing with him/her.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Taneia, 25, mixed female (culturally Jewish) <taneia@sprint.ca>, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I can understand you
perfectly. I was a very religious Christian until I became aware of
some of the more intolerant aspects of the current sects of
Christianity and the far from holy history of Christianity as a
whole. Since then I have been very negative toward those Christians
who feel the need to pressure me toward either returning to my old
denomination or adopting their own.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I have a problem with most of
the people responding before me grouping all Christians together as
one. No two people are alike. I can't say I've ever been around
another Christian who has said anything negative about Jewish people.
I have Jewish friends I love very much ,and I don't try to force my
beliefs on them. We all serve the same God, and He teaches love. I
have friends from all religions (Catholics, Protestants, Baptists,
Episcopalian, Muslims, Buddhists, Jewish, Jehovah's Witnesses, etc.)
and I respect their religions. As I said before, we all serve the
same God, so what does it matter what religion? Also, I have a few
atheist friends, and I respect their right to having no religion.
Each person is different, and not all Christians try to force their
beliefs on someone else.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Timora D., 18, Baptist, female, etroit , MI
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THE QUESTION:
R522: To people of all races:
Which race in the United States do you think practices racism
most?
POSTED NOV. 17, 1998
D. Price <abqteachr@netscape.net>, Albuquerque, NM
ANSWER 1:
As much as I love my friends
who are of Indian (from India) descent, I would probably have to say
people directly from India who have moved here. Because of that whole
caste structure thing of the lower class (the "dirty untouchables"
who were often dark-skinned Indians), middle class and upper class
richies, when upper-class Indians come here, sometimes they are
disdainful of those who are dark-skinned.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Blackgrrl,18, CA
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THE QUESTION:
A36: Why do so many senior
citizens buy such large automobiles? With having a reduced family
size, wouldn't it make more sense for them to drive smaller, more
economical cars? I've also observed many an older adult struggling to
maneuver these large cars. Are senior citizens just showing off their
disposable income? It seems to me that on many levels, smaller cars
would make more sense for their driving needs.
POSTED JAN. 8, 1999
R.J., 36, male, Cincinnati, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Old people only
appear to drive large cars. There are several
phenomena at work: First, old people drive very slowly and, as
hypothesized by Einstein and proved by Doppler in his seminal work
Aunt Tillie's Studebaker and
the Reverse Doppler Effect,
slow-moving objects appear longer than fast-moving objects. For
example, orbiting Space Shuttle astronauts reported difficulty
distinguishing between the Great Wall of China and John Glenn's wife
driving her Honda Civic. In addition, old people shrink, making the
car look larger. Beyond simple vertebrae compression, there is the
plastic surgery scandal comprehensively explored on a recent episode
of Leeza. When senior citizens get a facelift, the
sagging jowls actually remain in the same absolute space, while the
rest of the face and skull is scrunched down, inadvertently resulting
in a shorter person. The effect is compounded by the metal detector
syndrome discovered during the trial bar's research into
electromagnetic fields. It seems that metal detectors emit magnetic
radiation that pulls downward on spare pocket change, jewelry, belt
buckles and other metal adornments, accumulating so that the
equivalent of triple G force is pressing down on the scalp. It's not
psychology. It's simple science.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
B. Hale, 43 <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
Kudos to B. Hale. Is there
any other way to see it?
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Mike, 32, white, Southfield , MI
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THE QUESTION:
GE108: To women: What are your
opinions on the distinctions between (amorous or otherwise)
"submission" and "surrender"?
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Alonzo C., African-American male, Jacksonville, FL
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THE QUESTION:
SO114: What do you think is the
origin of homosexuality?
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
Yael B. 14, (heterosexual) <xyz_il@yahoo.com>, Beer-Seva, Israel
FURTHER NOTICE:
I feel strongly that humans
have brought only destruction to our planet, and that nature (or God,
or whomever) has begun to make more people homosexual to try to
introduce a slow end to reproduction, thus bringing extinction. I am
fully aware that homosexuals have existed since before Christ. I can
counter that only by saying that 3,000 years is not a very long time
for a species to exist (I believe history can only travel that far
and still find homosexuals). Over time, according to my theory, more
people will find themselves gay. Whether we will continue to
reproduce beyond that I can't decide.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Emily, 13, lesbian female <fauxscully@aol.com>, New Haven, CT
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THE QUESTION:
R582: Until recently, I lived in
Sydney, Australia, a city with a large Asian population, including
people from China and all parts of Southeast Asia. There was one
behavior that annoyed me - pretty trifling, but what the hey: When
traveling on buses, many of the Chinese, men in suits particularly,
put their briefcases beside them on the seat, and you'd have to ask
them to move the case if you wanted to sit down. Why is this done?
Fear of theft? Maybe it was me, but then I'm reasonably hygienic for
a dirty white boy!
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Ben, 30, white Australian male <bscaro@hotmail.com>, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
ANSWER 1:
I've never come across this,
and Toronto has a huge Asian population with two distinct Chinatowns.
I've noticed the opposite: That the subway and streetcar behavior at
the Asian epicentres of our city operate much like the transit system
in Hong Kong - people pushing and shoving each other (not
aggressively, mind you ... they all seemed to agree with the idea of
being crammed into a small space) to get in the trains, overcrowding
in the trains and buses, and general scurrying and milling
about.
At first, I was irritated when I had
to take the subway on a regular basis from these stops and had to
deal with being pushed and squished against a wall of people. Being
only 5'2" it's not fun being crammed into a crowded streetcar or
subway train - you tend to feel like a sardine. I worked as a tour
guide at the CN Tower in Toronto for quite some time, and noticed the
same crowding and pushing behavior in the elevators (which are only
supposed to carry 20 guests at a time). I'd have 30 to 40 Asian
tourists shove their way into a jammed elevator, where there was
barely enough room for me to operate the switchboard. Upon querying
the tourists each year I worked there, I was told this phenomenon of
pushing and cramming oneself into trains, buses, etc., is reminiscent
of the transit systems in various Asian metropolitan areas, where the
ratio of people to trains/buses is high. I guess it's a matter of
efficiency, because I'd personally prefer to wait an extra 5 to 10
minutes for a less-crowded train than to be so close to my fellow
commuters as to know what shampoo they used that morning.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Taneia, mixed female, 25 <taneia@sprint.ca>, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
GE106: Why is it that modern
feminists, although preaching equality, seem to be stuck in the '60s?
To me, they seem to discriminate against women with more conservative
views.
POSTED JAN. 14, 1999
C.C., 19, female, Kingston, Ontario, Canada
ANSWER 1:
I imagine you've come across
a few "more leftist than thou" feminists, who annoy me. But the
notion that most feminists are closed-minded or dogmatic is a
stereotype - just like the stereotype that feminists are
unattractive. Talk to some feminists, and you'll find that we have
different definitions of the term and understand that feminism means
different things to different people. To me, feminism is an awareness
that women's everyday struggles in relationships, with their body
images, with trying to make a living and support families, with
fighting against detrimental sex roles, are not just personal
struggles but political struggles that affect many women. It's about
recognizing that there is a patriarchal power structuRe and doing
what we can to change it. In other words, to quote the classic
feminist motto, the personal is political. But I understand and
respect that other women will make different choices than me as they
negotiate the political with their own personal situations.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Rhiannon, 28, white heterosexual feminist <rock0048@tc.umn.edu>, Minneapolis, MN
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THE QUESTION:
G66: Do people living in the
South have more racist attitudes than people living in the North?
POSTED JAN. 14, 1999
Nicole, 21, white female <ngebhart@hotmail.com>, NJ
ANSWER 1:
As a white female raised by
well-educated parents who are both native to Birmingham, I never
heard a racial slur in my house while growing up. I never had reason
to fear or hate black people, though there were neighbors who took
exception to my brother's best friend being black. Now, still living
in Birmingham, my roommate (white, from Wisconsin) is dating a great
guy who's from here who is black. Although I am not inclined to date
black men myself, I love Reggie as a dear friend and enjoy spending
time with him. In all the time they've dated (well over a year)
they've encountered no hostility and precious few awkward glances
from strangers. Sure, I know people with prejudices, but they live
all over the country. I do find my rural friends are more inclined to
react badly to black people, but I think that is a function of their
lack of exposure to them. So I guess my answer, from my own narrow
exposure, is that although we are often portrayed as fearful, narrow,
Bible-thumping conservative teetotalers, I would not buy into that
stereotype if I were you.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
KR., Southern born and bred, single white female, 28 <kathryner@ehsmed.com>, Birmingham, AL
FURTHER NOTICE:
I doubt if people in the
South are more racist than people in the North. Those Southerners who
are racist just happen to be more open about it. I believe I
experienced a lot more racism in Boston than in all the places I have
been to in America. Maybe that's because I know where not to hang out
in the South.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Donna, black female, originally from South Carolina <djg73@hotmail.com>, Los Angeles , CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I don't know that there is a
blanket answer for that question. I am a white Southern male. I grew
up around some rather racist people. I also grew up around people who
thought everyone should be treated with respect and dignity. When I
was in the military I was around some non-Southern white people who
were more bigoted than anyone I ever knew when I was a child. I also
knew liberal non-Southern whites who assumed because I was a white
Southerner I had to be a member of the Klan. Talk about pre-judging
someone. There is no definitive answer.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Jas, white Southern male, Norcross, Ga
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
We are a mixed race couple
who moved five years ago from Berkeley, Calif., to Florida's "Redneck
Riviera." My husband, who is African American, says racists are
simply less subtle in the South. He says employment and police
discrimination are less here than in California. And I have to admit
the LAPD hassled him much more than any Southern sheriff ever has.
But as a white person,I hear a lot more blatantly racist conversation
than I did "up North," which he doesn't hear. Part of it seems to be
things they consider "Southern" that I consider racist, like
Confederate flags and Civil War reenactments. They don't seem to want
to take responsibility for the way their symbols are interpreted by
people of color. My husband, who has more experience with Southern
white folks, says they are more used to being around blacks than
Northerners and that although they have stereotypes, they don't have
that Northern liberal paranoia. I, on the other hand, find the South
vaguely discomfiting, and I have yet to meet any white person born
and bred here who has not, when push comes to shove,made it clear
that white is right.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Lori, 39, white female, Fort Myers, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I would have to say that they
do. I have lived most of my life in the North, but I lived in
southwest Virginia for six years. Even though that area of the
country is not very far into the South, there were quite a lot of
white people in the area who were violently racist. They were also
very unfriendly toward white people who did not share their views. In
general, people in the South were very hospitable when in your
presence, but they would do anything possible to undermine you when
you were not looking. This attitude eventually led me to move back to
the North, where people may be more up front with their prejudices,
but at least they are not hiding anything.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
John K., 25, male <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I feel qualified to offer
some insight here because I was born and raised in Astoria (Queens),
New York (that's "Archie Bunker's" neighborhood), and have lived in
Texas for more than 10 years. I will not pretend that either the
North or the South is a paradise for blacks, or that race relations
are ideal in either region. However, the nature and scope of racism
differs from place to place. In my opinion, if racism is measured by
how often racial slurs and epithets are used, I would say that
blue-collar New Yorkers are far more prejudiced and bigoted than
anyone I have encountered in Texas. If racism is measured by how much
intermingling of the races one sees, again, I would say there is far
more interracial mingling and socializing in Texas than in the North.
On the other hand, where hiring and school admissions are concerned,
I think blacks get a fairer deal in the North. This may be an
oversimplification, but my feeling is that people are less racist in
the South, while laws and institutions are less racist in the
North.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Astorian, white male, 37 <Astorian@aol.com>, Austin, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
My answer, having lived in
both places, would be no. However, I think Southerners are quite a
bit more open about expressing whatever racist views they have.
Northerners are just as bigoted, I think, but are more careful about
how they express it. In any case, actions speak louder than words -
do you think minorities are in a substantially better position in the
North? I don't. Just as in the South, Northern minorities are more
likely than whites to be murdered, not hired for jobs, live in
depressed neighborhoods, etc.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Andrew, 35, white, former Louisiana resident <ziptron@start.com.au>, Huntington , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I was born and raised in the
North, and lived in the South as an adult for more than seven years,
and my experience with Southerners during this time showed them to be
much more open-minded and honest than the Northerners I grew up with.
In the South, if someone has a racist attitude, they have the
backbone to state that, and why, thereby giving one a clear point of
reference to work from. In the North, racists will smile in your
face, and spit after you as you walk away, wipe their hand after you
shake it (after they offered it to you), etc. They try to present
themselves as being open-minded, but their actions give them away.
Many times in the South, I worked with people who stated they did not
particularly care to work with, or be around black people, and
knowing their true thoughts made it easier to work with them. In the
North, however, people will smile in your face, act pleasantly and
then undermine you the minute they get a chance - instead of being up
front with how they really feel, so that you can deal with them
accordingly. It's worth noting that a few of the Southerners who
stated they did not care to be around blacks made sincere attempts to
try to find out why they felt this way; I can't imagine any of the
racist Northerners I know to have enough gumption to do this. If it
weren't for the fact that I have older parents who need me here, I
would move back South in a heartbeat.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
G. Long, 37, black female <gelong@usa.net>, Chicago, IL
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
Northerners tend to feel
superior to Southerners in terms of not being racist. However, it's
not justified. I see an analogy to family life where there has been
some divisive development. The South has had some ugly "family
arguments" since 1960, but much of the air was cleared and people are
more open to discussing the matter. Northerners are smug because they
didn't have the arguments (soldiers in school doors, etc.), but it
just means there are a lot of unspoken grudges under the surface. For
example, Massachusetts is a very liberal state (Ted Kennedy, Barney
Frank), but go to Fenway Park in Boston and see if you can find one
black in a crowd of 30,000. It is a highly segregated city.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
B. Hale, Northerner <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
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THE QUESTION:
SO116: Do gay men really perceive
themselves as being either "bottoms" or "tops"? If so, what's the
criteria?
POSTED JAN. 14, 1999
Cliff R., 33, straight male, Tallahassee, FL
ANSWER 1:
"Top" and "bottom" - the
latter being the receptive role in sex - are also occasionally
referred to as "Greek active" and "Greek passive," respectively.
Similar delineations apply to oral sex: If a man identifies himself
as "French active," it means he enjoys performing oral sex, whereas a
man who enjoys receiving oral sex would be called "French passive."
If a man identifies himself as being "versatile," it means he enjoys
any or all of these various roles. Exactly what causes men, or for
that matter women, to enjoy any one sexual position or role over
another is anyone's guess. I doubt if it has anything to do with
masculinity or one's desire to dominate another person. It's probably
as complicated as one's own aesthetic sense. It is part of what makes
all of us uniquely human. As for myself, I would say simply that I
enjoy pleasuring and being pleasured, and I think there is something
joyful and powerful about good old-fashioned mansex.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Chuck A., male <PolishBear@aol.com>, Spring Hill, WV
FURTHER NOTICE:
Some gay men do perceive
themselves as being a total "top" or "bottom." Most don't, in my
experience. Some who do will quickly change that view after
experience with a more "versatile" partner. It is also interesting
that many of us like to commodify themselves by so describing
ourselves.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Ben S., gay male <bscaro@hotmail.com>, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
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