Best of the Week
of Jan. 21, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Jan. 21, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book
on Y? is here!
"Why Do White People Smell Like Wet
Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
Order it securely via credit card
Delivery in 2-3 days via Priority Mail
Read the
Associated Press story on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
A co-worker of mine who is openly gay often mentions that he
wants a 'cow lick' or to be 'cow-licked.' I'm too embarrassed to ask
what it means. Can someone help me out?
POSTED 1/24/01
Matt, Howell, MI, United States, 28, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1240174908
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Question:
It seems there's a significant number of blacks switching from
various Christian denominations to the Muslim faith. The changes seem
to be precipitated by racial/ethnic issues rather than actual
spiritual issues. Am I right?
POSTED 1/19/01
Candi, San Antonio, TX, United States, 51, Female, Pentecostal,
Hispanic/Latino, Straight, Educator, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1182001112842
Responses:
I'm from Detroit, which is growing in the number of Black
Muslims, many followers of Louis Farrakhan and Elijah Muhhamed. Both
leaders preach the superiority of the black race, that whites are
devils and that whites were cast out by a wicked scientist who tried
to take light-skinned blacks and interbreed them until they created
the white race - sounds ridiculous, but this is their thinking. Many
blacks are turning to the Black Muslim Movement or Nation of Islam
-which is not recognized by Islam - for empowerment. Here, they pass
out racist propaganda, speak only to blacks and refuse to acknowledge
whites. They sell bean pies and fruit and spread their hate around.
But there is also a movement here for traditional Islam among blacks
who are not racist and who believe in the true teachings of Islam,
which includes the diversity of people from every spectrum. These
people are sometimes confused with the Nation of Islam, though they
wear the traditional garbs of Muslims from Northern Africa, and the
Nation of Islam are usually dressed in suits. Empowerment is the
reason they join the Nation of Islam, while religion is the reason
many join the traditional Islam. The Nation of Islam may try to be
empowered, but they are fundamentally racist, black sheets instead of
white, that is all. The true followers of Islam are devoted to
celebrating Ramdan, prayer five times daily, not eating pork and not
preaching hatred.
POSTED 1/25/01
Aliyah, Detroit, MI, United States, 27, Female, Muslim,
Black/African American, Straight, Business Exec, Over 4 Years of
College , Lower middle class
Mesg ID 12401125550
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Question:
Why do Asians, especially those older than 35, have names like
'Johnny,' 'Danny' or 'Peggy,' rather than John, Dan(iel) or Margaret?
POSTED 1/24/01
C.C., Somewhere, NA, Canada, 21, Female
Mesg ID 12401115006
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Question:
Did anyone else find the title of the book based on the Y? web
site (Why Do White People Smell Like Wet Dogs When They Come Out
of The Rain?) amusing? I did, but I am white. What if it was
titled Why Do BLACK People Smell Like Wet Dogs When They Come Out
of The Rain? It would be labeled hateful and racist. Who, then,
is more tolerant of the other race: blacks or whites? And who is the
racist? Without insulting black people by saying, 'Because they have
been treated worse historically,' who can give me a good reason why
it is appropriate that black literature can make fun of whites, but
whites cannot make fun of blacks?
POSTED 1/14/2001
Nate, Seattle area, WA, United States, Male
Mesg ID 17200123232
Responses:
If people (black or white) have no respect for themselves, they
usually disrespect everything and everyone around them.
POSTED 1/17/01
Harold B., New York, NY, United States, 70, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, draftsman, Technical School , Middle class
Mesg ID 116200120531
I also found the title of the book amusing and quite interesting.
I found out about this web site by watching OH DRAMA!! on BET. If I'm
not mistaken, the author of the book is a white male who was asked
this question and said he thought it would make an interesting title.
POSTED 1/17/01
Cheynel, Miami, FL, United States, 29, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Less than High School Diploma , Upper class
Mesg ID 116200133648
There is almost the assumption in your question that the title has
been changed to make it less insulting to black people. People do
smell different. Just because you are white does not mean other
cultures will find your smell different. Ask a couple of kids (who
can usually be relied on for honesty rather than politeness). I bet
the title was an honest question originally posted and is used
because it makes people realize that their own view of what questions
should be asked here may not be correct.
POSTED 1/24/01
David, London, n/a, United Kingdom, Male
Mesg ID 1240142745
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Question:
I work in an ethnically diverse workplace, and in the parking
lot I have observed the parking habits of the people here. Why is it
that black drivers consistently back into parking places?
POSTED 1/24/01
Todd M., Jacksonville, FL, United States, 30, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Sales, 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1240190648
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Question:
While in a Sushi bar, why are you served pieces that are too
big to put in your mouth all at once, and that will fall apart if you
try to bite them in half? Also why is there no way to cut them
(chopsticks don't do it)? And why is there no place for all the food
to fall when you try to divide it?
POSTED 1/24/01
Gari-son, West Los Angeles, CA, United States
Mesg ID 124200121241
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Question:
Do all Unitarian Churches work for social justice? Are some
more strict than others? I'm really thinking about attending a
Unitarian Church because I am fed up with the judgment of the
tradition I'm used to.
POSTED 1/23/01
Jennifer, Kansas City, MO, United States, 21, Female,
Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class
Mesg ID 116200134554
Responses:
I attended a couple of services at the Unitarian Church here in
Sydney. I think many of them work for social justice, in the broadest
sense of the term. I mean, different people have different ideas of
what social justice involves. I don't know about some being more
strict than others. I think you will find there is a lot less
judgment there, and I would definitely recommend it, but I think it's
very hard to find people who are totally non-judgmental. Still, keep
in mind that social justice and judgment sometimes go hand in hand.
It's not only the right-wing of politics/religion who specialize in
judgment. For example, the right of individuals to choose to gamble
is more important than someone else's attempt to protect them from
themselves.
POSTED 1/25/01
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 24, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1250145248
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Question:
What is it with guys and spitting? And as a subgenre, throat
clearing? Why do guys feel so phlegmy that they have to spit and
clear their throats frequently? I've noticed that it's guys who spit
on sidewalks (how pleasant is that to walk past?) and it's the guys,
not the gals, who are constantly clearing their throats. I'm just
trying to understand. Maybe I wouldn't cringe so much if I understood
why the guys around me at work sound like a bunch of lusty frogs on a
spring pond. (Maybe if I hold that mental image it will be easier to
smile through the chorus!)
POSTED 1/10/2001
Cheryl, New Haven, CT, United States, Female
Mesg ID 110200135629
Responses:
I think it is more cuturally acceptable for men to spit and be
loud when clearing mucous than women. It's considered 'unladylike' to
hock a big lugee while walking down the street, and though it's not
necessarily attractive to spit, it's better than holding it in and
swallowing it, in my opinion. There are obviously women who will spit
whenever they feel like it and men who won't, but I believe cultural
mores tell us it's OK for men to do it but not women. Maybe the
throat-clearing thing relates to this point, with men being more free
to be noisy about it without negative reactions. Do you react more
harshly if a woman does the same thing?
POSTED 1/16/2001
Marc, Morgantown, WV, United States, 24, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Grad Student, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class
Mesg ID 116200132651
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Question:
The first time I heard about peepholes being used for sex by
gay men at reststops, I became extremely turned on. I am a straight
woman and mother of two who has had gay/lesbian friends but no
lesbian fantasies or desires. I just get off watching and downloading
pictures of guys having sex - especially group sex. I admit I have
several fetishes typical of straight women: Threesomes with men, and
maybe even a father/son duo or brothers with me. But nothing gets me
turned on like this. I even had sex with a bisexual man and told him
to tell me what he did to this man. I still rate this as the best
sexual experience I've ever had. So what do I call myself? What term
would describe my fetish, which I equate with straight males watching
lesbians? It also seems to be more rare for women to want to watch
men. Is this so?
POSTED 1/15/2001
Nikky, Knoxville, TN, United States, 27, Female, Buddhist,
Straight, College Student, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 115200111111
Responses:
I think you are a fag hag (i.e. a woman who likes being with gay
men). That is not to say fag hags are all motivated by interest in
the sexual activities of gay men. (I think many have other, social,
motivations.) What I am saying is many fag hags are heterosexual, and
maybe there is sometimes a sexual motivation.
POSTED 1/23/01
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 24, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 116200151459
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Question:
How do women view a man who's been to prison? Will they still
date a man after they find out he has a record?
POSTED 1/14/2001
Jesse, Warren, MI, United States, 24, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, engineer, Technical School , Middle class
Mesg ID 113200172657
Responses:
While we as an educated and moral society are supposed to support
the notion of rehabilitation of criminals, it is a difficult thing to
fully espouse on an individual level. Do I believe that people make
mistakes and are capable of changing for the better over time? Yes.
However, I do know there is a fairly high rate of repeat offenses
after the incarcerant is released. Because of this and because I
believe the majority of laws are reasonable, I would find it really
hard to establish a personal relationship with someone I knew had
broken the law and might do it again. Some crimes are 'victimless,'
while the majority are not, and I don't feel I could fully trust
someone who had hurt (physically, economically, etc.) someone else,
because their crime indicates they operate under a much different
moral system than I do. Above all, people in a relationship should
have a shared belief in what is right and wrong. With few exceptions
(such as being sent to prison for kicking the crap out of someone who
you caught assaulting a child), commission of a crime is a strong
indicator that the felon and I don't share the same moral beliefs.
POSTED 1/19/01
Robin, Pittsburgh, PA, United States, 25, Female
Mesg ID 117200151911
For me, the decision to date a man who had been in prison would
depend on the circumstances. What type of crime was he convicted of?
Was he guilty? What has he done to get his life on a positive track?
What is he doing now? How did I find out he was in prison? Was it
something he tried to hide, or was he straight up about it? I have
never been in the position of deciding whether to date a man who has
been in prison, but I have known several men who have been in prison.
Some are basically decent guys who got caught up in some bad stuff,
some have turned their lives around and are doing good. Others are
nothing but trouble, and any smart woman would stay as far away from
them as they can.
POSTED 1/25/01
Lucy, San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1152001111419
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Question:
Many people are convinced that we are kicking our civilization
down the drain if we carry on like this (global warming, wars,
population growth, destruction of soil, forests and fishing grounds
and so on). If we think we are going to spoil it, why don't we act
and try and save the day? I don't get it. Or is it that few people
think like me?
POSTED 1/14/2001
Thorsten R., Bielefeld, NA, Germany, 28, Male, scientist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, PhD. student, Upper class
Mesg ID 114200174628
Responses:
I can relate to the people who frustrate you with their apathy.
Some people don't want to face major issues like the environment
because it's easier to focus on the short-term, which really does
present enough problems for some people. It's like how some people
don't want to think too much about poverty in the Third World. If
it's an effort just to compete in the rat race, you don't have the
luxury of considering these issues at length, let alone doing
something about it. Another aspect is that people do not believe they
have the influence to make a real difference on these issues, because
the decisions are made at much higher levels (i.e. top management of
multinational companies and high levels of government). I can see
these seem like weak excuses, but I think when these problems start
to affect people's lives more directly they will do something about
it (and hopefully, it won't be too late).
POSTED 1/25/01
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 24, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 118200155857
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