Best of the Week
of Jan. 25, 2004
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Jan. 25, 2004, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries
from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database
using the search form , or, in the case of
posted before April 24, 1999, in the Original
Archives (all questions from the Original Archives have
been entered into the database as well). In the Original Archives, as
well as in the database, you will find questions that have received
answers, as well as questions still awaiting responses. You are
encouraged to answer any questions relevant to your demographic
background, as well as to ask any provocative question you desire.
Answers posted are not necessarily meant to represent the views of an
entire demographic group, but can provide a window into the insights
of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop
at Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Even though people of the same sex are in love and living
together for years, with bank accounts and mortages, and going
through sorrow and joy together, they cannot obtain a piece of paper
saying they can get all the benefits that a man and woman in the same
situation can get . What is the problem? Is the religious community
the reason? Why do same-sex marriages scare so many?
POSTED 1/13/2004
Debbie, Flint, MI, United States, <laelah2@aol.com>, 43,
Female, White/Caucasian, Straight, RN/College student, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 111200435829
Responses:
I think your presumption that individuals who oppose same-sex
marriages are afraid of something is invalid. Values are not
fear-based but rather are based on reasoned right and wrong, as well
as appropriate and inappropriate behavior. You would not say that
people are scared of alcoholics simply because they find drunken,
lewd, behavior obnoxious, would you? Nor would you suggest that
society should not make laws regulating this behavior simply because
the individuals claim they have a genetic propensity for alcoholism,
would you? Well, homosexuality is no different. Individuals who
choose to engage in same-gender sex should not be granted special
rights based on their sexual mis-orientation. As individuals in our
society, they have the right as any other citizen to marry a person
of the opposite gender. They know full well that (in same-sex
relationships) they do not have the rights of a married couple, nor
should they, just as a drunk has no right to drive, simply because he
or she has never been in an accident. Choosing to be homosexual does
not make homosexuality a civil right. Society does not need to
endorse or condone any inappropriate behavior that is unacceptable to
the functioning of a civilized society. This has nothing to do with
fear and eveything to do with values, family and the long-term health
of children.
POSTED 1/25/2004
Cece, St. Paul, MN, United States, Mesg ID 116200484144
I think it's an outrage that gay people want to have the same rights
to marriage that straight people do. Back in the 1930s, there was no
such thing as gay people. If you were gay, you kept it to yourself
because someone could kill you and they're only defense would be, he
was gay. Then in the 1970s you saw everything - whores, gay people,
people just walking around nude. Gay guys who just had hundreds of
partners a night. And thus this is where society discovered AIDS. So
now gay people can be gay, someone can know about it, they can even
walk down the street and hold hands with another gay man and have no
fear of what's going to happen. But alas, that's still not good
enough. Gay people want their own schools and, most appalling, the
right to marry. Why is it that I can't go to an all-Christian school
for free, but gay people can go to an all-gay school? I think it's
sad that we've become this type of society.
POSTED 1/25/2004
Renee, Clinton, MD, United States, Female, Christian, Black/African
American, Straight, Technical School, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
1172004105850
I think the historical point of supporting married couples is the
hope that they will eventually have children who will be valuable and
productive members of society. Since there is no way for a homosexual
couple to naturally bear children together, they don't receive as
much societal support. The concept of marriage has always been
intended for straight relationships. People just haven't yet been
able to expand that concept to include gays.
POSTED 1/25/2004
JustMe, Atlanta, GA, United States, 27, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
117200415821
Why not polygamy then? I haven't talked to a single lesbian who
approves of this. People should look at their own level of tolerance
when judging the mating decisions of consenting adults. I wouldn't
choose to be a lesbian or a polygamist, but if one alternative is
allowed, then so should the other.
POSTED 1/25/2004
Kathy, Fresno, CA, United States, 37, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, High School Diploma, Lower class, Mesg ID 119200422452
I also think it is sad that people in these situations can't make it
offical. What is the big deal? That is their life, and love is
love.
POSTED 1/25/2004
Natalie, Flint, MI, United States, 22, Female, Armenian, Mesg ID
124200451405
You know, it is really sad. This is supposed to be the land of the
free. We are supposed to be able to make our own decisions and live
happier lives. How is that the case when we can't even decide who to
marry? To me, marriage is about love and commitment. Why would anyone
want to put restrictions on that?
POSTED 1/29/2004
Rachel, Baltimore, MD, United States, 22, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID 1272004125013
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I am a former racist who is here to learn. I wasn't raised to
be a racist, but I was the victim of a violent hate crime. Later in
life I became bitter. All I ever heard or saw in media was
whitebashing and stereotyping whites as the only people who could
hate. I was very aware of every racial slur used against me, and this
was frequent. There was nowhere for me to go to talk about this. All
of the anti-hate groups reinforced the idea that only whites could be
racists, but I knew better. When I would try to discuss double
standards, people would invalidate my experiences with racism as a
white woman. Everyone's culture was celebrated but mine. Racial slurs
are OK when whites are the victims. This eventually turned me into a
racist because no one else would listen. I pulled myself out of that
mentality, but I still think race should be discussed not in the
context of 'get whitey,' but in the context of 'racism cuts both
ways.' What do others think?
POSTED 1/25/2004
Kathy, Fresno, CA, United States, 37, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, High School Diploma, Lower class, Mesg ID 1192004113402
To
respond
BACK
TO TOP
Question:
My weight has yo-yo'd most of my life. I have found that when I
am in my normal range for my height, people treat me completely
different than when I am heavier. Men seem to have more of a negative
reaction. I've wondered if this is due to the media presentation of
what the ideal woman should look like.
POSTED 1/13/2004
Susan S, Flint, MI, United States, 45, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
112200463928
Responses:
My weight has also yo-yo'd over the years, and when I was thinner
I got a lot more respect and was treated 'normal.' I think this has a
lot to do with the media and overwieght people being the butt of
every joke. The media portrays women as being obsessively thin, and
there are always new diets coming out to quickly lose wieght. If the
media would just portray an average woman who is not a Paris Hilton
lookalike, maybe everyone would see how beautiful women can be with a
little meat on their bones. Just because you are not runway thin does
not mean you are not human and have feelings about the way you look.
You should be happy with yourself, no matter how much your weight
fluctuates.
POSTED 1/25/2004
Kim M., Swartz Creek, MI, United States, 21, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, student, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
118200424600
I have recently dropped 30 lbs and noticed the same thing. Where I
used to be 'invisible,' now I get better treatment from coworkers,
friends and strangers. I think it has something to do with people's
perception of overweight people as lazy, selfish and not taking good
care of themselves. It also has something to do with a slimmer
person's self-confidence.
POSTED 1/29/2004
Kristen, na, MI, United States, 28, Female, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Bisexual, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 1262004115131
To
respond
BACK
TO TOP
Question:
Why do black women find it necessary to look me up and down and
then back up again? Some white and Hispanic women do this, too, but
black women do it almost all the time. I think it's so rude. What is
it?
POSTED 1/25/2004
Julie, Woodbridge, VA, United States, 32, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Government Contracting, Over 4
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 115200472431
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
Question:
Growing up in church, I was always taught that being gay was
sinful. I want to know: is being gay truly a way that people are
born, or is it a lifestyle that they choose?
POSTED 1/25/2004
Negel M., Flint, MI, United States, 18, Male, Pentecostal,
Black/African American, Straight, High School Diploma, Middle class,
Mesg ID 116200482917
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
Question:
I went to KFC the other day and got some chicken strips. When I
asked for sauce, the server just assumed I wanted honey mustard. When
I asked for BBQ flavor sauce, he looked at me like he'd never seen a
white person who ate BBQ before. Is there some secret meaning in BBQ
sauce that I don't know about? Am I not black enough for BBQ?
POSTED 1/25/2004
Greg, Fredericksburg, VA, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Mesg
ID 121200461304
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
Question:
What is the youngest age to begin giving alcohol to your
children, what quantity, and how stong is it? Is it OK if they get
drunk?
POSTED 1/25/2004
BabyBoomer, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 45, Male,
White/Caucasian, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
1242004111651
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
Question:
I recently moved to Georgia from Vermont. Immediately my children and
I noticed many differences. For example, do Southerners intentionally
or unintentionally not listen to what is being said to them? Why is
it that when a person makes a mistake on the job (a mistake usually
due to being misinformed or uninformed), a coworker will initially
assume that you have no clue what you are doing and report it to your
immediate supervisor while dismissing a personally-given explanation
of the error (behaving as though they don't believe what you are
saying)? Why do Southerners behave as though they don't believe
anything you say unless you prove it? Or is this my imagination? Why
do Southerners perceive so negatively and personally? Do Southerners
dislike debates or perceive them as a personal attack? Please help!
How can I adjust? What interpersonal skill information am I lacking?
I am not having much ease or luck working in the South, and it's
affecting my bank account!
POSTED 1/25/2004
Kelly T., Canton, GA, United States, 36, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, law enforcement, 2 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 124200465032
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
Question:
I am a standup comic and often meet with many white couples
after shows, and we laugh and talk about the show. But it never fails
that every white man makes a comment about me being attracted to his
wife, or vice versa. Why are so many white men insecure around black
men, or is this something white men also do to each other?
POSTED 1/13/2004
Cee Why, Mt. Vernon, NY, United States,
<carlyard@sbcglobal.net>, 35, Male, Baptist, Black/African
American, Straight, comic, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
111200451914
Responses:
I asked my white male, 31-year-old co-worker what he thought about
this, and he said it sounded strange to him, too. He said these
people are probably swingers and trying to subtly proposition
you.
POSTED 1/25/2004
JustMe, Atlanta, GA, United Kingdom, 27, Female, Black/African
American, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
117200415047
Perhaps it is not an issue of insecurity but rather a fetish. For
whatever reason, many white men have a fantasy of seeing their wives
'taken' by a black man. It is entirely possible the men in these
couples you speak to may be simply testing the waters to gauge your
interest, or prodding along their own little fantasy in their
imaginations.
POSTED 1/25/2004
David S., Columbia, SC, United States, 34, Male, Mesg ID 124200481530
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
Question:
As someone who feels emotionally sensitive and feels they view
life from a different plane than most people, I was wondering if
anyone had any ideas of how to get along with others. I don't think
or act like a lot of people, and this can cause hurt, as I'm either
insensitive to their feelings or feel they don't understand mine. I
lived a sheltered life growing up as well, so that might play into
it. Please help me, because it's important to me to understand and be
understood.
POSTED 1/12/2004
Derek R., Somerville, OH, United States, 20, Male, Mormon,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Depression, OCD, Giftedness, Student, High
School Diploma, Lower class, Mesg ID 112200450632
Responses:
Based on the information you've given, it sounds like you just
need better social skills. A lot of people have the same problem, and
there are plenty of books, support groups, counselors and web sites
that you can seek out for support and advice. I would suggest asking
someone who you've offended what it was specifically that hurt them,
and how you might say things differently. People can be surprisingly
supportive when they understand that you aren't being insensitive on
purpose, and everyone has felt misunderstood at one point or another,
so it's an easy thing to relate to. If you ask several people's
advice (prepare yourself for what you may hear), generally a common
theme will appear, so you'll have a better idea of what you need to
work on.
POSTED 1/25/2004
Deenie, Seattle, WA, United States, 27, Female, Black/African
American, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
117200422350
You're not alone in thinking and feeling differently than 'most'
people. I feel the same way at times. Simply treat people the way you
want to be treated. If they ignore you or say hurtful things to you,
they are probably doing it because they misunderstand you or are even
jealous of you. Those people can be like mental poison. Also, if
people say hurtful things to you, try not to let them get to you
emotionally. There are people in this world who feel it's their sole
purpose to put others down. You have unique gifts and talents - find
others who share them. Above all, be yourself. A smile, a friendly
hello and direct eye contact with someone you'd like to know better
will help you get over these feelings.
POSTED 1/29/2004
A Friend, Huntington, UT, United States, 29, Female, Straight, Over 4
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 128200415818
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
Question:
I've noticed there are many web sites on peeing fetishes. Why
is it erotic or a turn-on to drink pee, be peed on or watch someone
pee? I just don't get it.
POSTED 1/12/2004
Jade, Sydney, NA, Australia, 16, Female, Catholic, Spanish, Straight,
Student, Upper class, Mesg ID 112200451941
Responses:
You can't explain fetishes, hence the name. Some people like being
kissed on the neck, some people like being peed on. This is actually
an ancient sexual ritual - it dates back hundreds of years (as far
back as I know of). Shit happens - or pee happens, depending on your
fetish.
POSTED 1/25/2004
Bri, Albany, NY, United States, <gebhardtb841@mail.strose.edu>,
23, Female, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Mesg ID 1192004113143
Join the club. The peeing fetish has a lot to do with dominance and
submission - or in other words, power. It is basically another form
of bondage and S&M, which is the transference of power in its
purest form, sexually speaking. For some people, this type of role
playing is what it takes to get them off (so to speak) or heighten
their sexual experience.
POSTED 1/25/2004
David S., Columbia, SC, United States, 34, Male, Mesg ID
124200482425
I don't know, but I do find watching a woman pee quite a turn-on. I
don't understand why though. It just is. However, I don't want to
watch her rid herself of any other bodily wastes. And I really,
really don't want her to pee (or anything else) on ME!
POSTED 1/29/2004
Wayne, Parsippany, NJ, United States, 43, Male, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, marketing, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 126200483541
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
This site and all its content,
©Copyright Phillip J. Milano
1997-2004
Legal Disclaimer and User Agreement