Best of the Week
of Jan. 28, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Jan. 28, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
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guidelines pages for asking and
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Question:
I am taking anti-depressants and getting counseling for anxiety
and depression. Do you think there is a "depressed look" or demeanor
about such people? I have been making the greatest effort of my life
to communicate with more people, but sometimes I feel like people can
see my illness and are put off by it.
POSTED 1/30/01
Mary C., Cleveland, OH, United States, 38, Female, Unity School
of Christianity, Native American/American Indian, Lesbian, Manager, 4
Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1300115357
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Question:
Why is it that when someone does a common bodily function
(belches, passes wind, spits), we are totally grossed out and
offended, but when we do it ourselves, it's no problem? Also, why are
we usually embarrassed when we do it, even though everyone does it,
too? It's not like it's anything unusual.
POSTED 1/26/01
Jay, Pensacola, FL, United States, Male
Mesg ID 12601121148
Responses:
Sharing the joy of someone else�s bodily functions in not
something I can get into. When someone near me farts, burps, clears
their throat (an affectation, not a function) or spits (same
category), it usually goes unnoticed, unless their �function� stinks,
leaves residue or makes a noise loud enough to obliterate whatever
mellifluous sound or thought I am currently enjoying. If someone
nearby is unable or unwilling to discreetly alleviate their
affliction, their performance usually leaves me wondering if, in
fact, wolves raised them. Why? It (the offending sound or residual
scent or fluid) pretty much tells me the perpetrator is more focused
on his or her own discomfort and its relief than on the comfort and
health of those around them. Who wants to tiptoe through spit on the
sidewalk, hoping they don�t have to clean a �loogie� off their shoe
later? Who wants to listen to the sound of someone�s throat-clearing
overtake the soft voice of a stage performer? And why would I want to
sniff someone�s fart while endeavoring to enjoy a fragrant and
appetizing meal? That�s why I think it�s unpleasant to be around a
person who freely belches, farts and snorts. It�s also why I refrain
from letting fly when in the company of other humans. In the company
of my poor, dear dog, on the other hand...
POSTED 1/30/01
Cheryl, New Haven, CT, United States, Female
Mesg ID 1300123307
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Question:
Why did African-American women forget the whole black pride
issue from the '60s about wearing afros? When did they start to
straighten their hair again? Was it media influence or what?
POSTED 1/26/01
Yuna, New York, NY, United States, 17, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, student
Mesg ID 12601121202
Responses:
I think the relatively recent popularity of the chemical relaxer
had a profound effect on how black women began to style their hair in
the post-'60s era. Previously, in order to get Afro-textured hair
straightened, most people used hot combs or other head-based devices,
which did not permanently alter the texture of the hair. So if they
wanted to, they could wear an Afro just by wetting their hair and
'letting it go back.' In other words, Afros were easier to come by
simply because the hair wasn't permanently altered. Nowadays, most
black women with straight hair have had it chemically processed to be
this way. The permanency of perms will not allow easy Afro formation,
and therefore those with perms cannot have Afros, even if they wanted
them. So in a way they are 'stuck' with straight hair. Attitudes
toward black hair are also different from what they were. Many people
harbor a self-hate for their natural hair, and I think it comes more
from places close to home than from the media.
POSTED 1/29/01
K.R., Atlanta, GA, United States, Female, Black/African American
Mesg ID 12701103503
Maybe African-American women of today realized that the 1960's
'afros' were too extreme. I have yet to see an immigrant woman from
Africa with hair like that.
POSTED 1/27/01
C.C., Somewhere, NA, Canada, 21, Female
Mesg ID 1270150915
I've had my hair relaxed since I was about 8. I have always had
thick, long hair, and I was 'tender-headed' as a child. Relaxing my
hair made life a lot easier for me and my mother. I have toyed with
the idea of letting my hair 'go natural' for some time, but frankly,
I like the versatility I have with my relaxed hair. I can wear it in
up-styles, down, curly, straight, braided or with twists. Given the
thickness of my hair, if I went natural I would have to cut it
shorter for ease of management, which would reduce my styling
options. While there are plenty of ways in which I reflect pride in
my African-American heritage, my choice of hairstyle is not meant to
be a cultural statement.
POSTED 1/30/01
Alicia, Pensacola, FL, United States, 32, Female, Black/African
American, attorney, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class
Mesg ID 1300121128
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Question:
I am a culturally Jewish (but not religious) woman, and I am
marrying a man who grew up in a religious Christian household. He's
now an agnostic. We are having a secular, unusual wedding that
includes some Jewish traditions (a chupah, breaking the glass), but
Jesus is not invited. My fiance has a big family. Most of them are
right-wing Christians from small towns. I want to make them feel
comfortable and included at our wedding ceremony. They have been very
nice to me and my fiance. Does anyone have any religion-free
suggestions for making them more comfortable? For those of you who
are religious Christians, how do you feel at secular or Jewish
weddings?
POSTED 1/26/01
Rhiannon, Eden Prairie, MN, United States,
<hyena@visi.com>, 30, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1260180204
Responses:
I am a deeply religious Lutheran Christian who would not feel
uncomfortable at your wedding during its secular portions. What would
trouble me is the religious traditions being observed, knowing that
the bride and groom don't take these seriously. To include religious
traditions would strike me as being only for show, and that isn't the
point of any wedding.
POSTED 1/29/01
Roberta, Woodbridge, VA, United States, 39, Female, Homemaker, 2
Years of College
Mesg ID 1290125552
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Question:
I'm looking for information from individuals rather than from
the Colonic clinics. I have read what they have to offer and was
interested in knowing if these benefits actually work. The benefits
as stated from a web site: Colon cleansing can provide relief from
maladies such as colds and flu, constipation, diarrhea, breath and
body odors, fatigue, headaches, sinusitis, allergies, hemorrhoids,
weight problems, digestive difficulties, back and muscle aches, knee
pain, poor eyesight, poor memory, stress, and the list goes on and
on. If any of the above actually helped you, how long did it take to
notice the change?
POSTED 8/2/99
Jerry, Albuquerque, NM, United States, Male, White/Caucasian,
Retired, 2 Years of College
Mesg ID 821999121751
Responses:
I am not a colon hydrotherapist, but I have been getting colonics
for more than 12 years. Despite what medical professionals claim, the
colon does build up waste material, and in my experience these
treatments are phenomenally beneficial for detox purposes. After my
first treatment I watched my diet for a week, increasing fiber
intake. A week later I had my second colonic, and within that week's
time lost 12 pounds -- simply from waste material. I did not fast or
starve myself. I do not know that my eyesight has improved, or any of
that sort of thing. But I can assure you that it has given me relief
from bouts of constipation and given me increased energy and an
overall sense of wellness. The cleansing process normally takes 45
minutes, and right afterward I replace the good bacteria by taking
acidophilus tablets and other minerals, including potassium. It is a
perfectly safe procedure, and one I recommend highly.
POSTED 1/29/01
Aly, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 39, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 15200025600
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Question:
What's the deal with black men holding their penises when they
walk? Are they pleasuring themselves or just holding their baggy
pants up?
POSTED 1/27/01
Exxon, Warsaw, NA, Poland, Catholic, Asian, Bisexual, Over 4
Years of College
Mesg ID 1270162522
Responses:
I have been to Warsaw several times and the few black men I have
seen there were not doing what you describe. I would be interested in
knowing where in Warsaw you have seen this.
POSTED 1/29/01
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 40, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 12701111520
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Question:
My question is how to cope with the recent knowledge that my
father is a priest. He is not the person who raised me and with whom
I identifed as my father all my life. Help. I am still in shock mode,
aka denial.
POSTED 8/2/99
Henry B., Los Angeles, CA, United States, mid-30s, Male,
Catholic, Professional, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 730199944320
Responses:
As someone who grew up Catholic, I can understand the feeling
that priests are somehow more advanced than we 'mere mortals.' Don't
fool yourself into buying into this myth. Priests are human beings,
period. No more, no less. Your birth father is probably not a bad
person; he's human and makes mistakes and has moments of weakness,
like all of us. Try to sympathize with him. Also try to look at it in
a positive way: It's evidence that you were truly meant to be born
and were put on earth for a reason. This doesn't have to be a
horrible circumstance of your life. Be positive.
POSTED 1/29/01
Elizabeth, Boston, MA, United States, 30, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Journalist, 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class
Mesg ID 129200021114
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Question:
Why do Asians, especially those older than 35, have names like
'Johnny,' 'Danny' or 'Peggy,' rather than John, Dan(iel) or Margaret?
POSTED 1/24/01
C.C., Somewhere, NA, Canada, 21, Female
Mesg ID 12401115006
Responses:
I believe it is probably due to language. My friends in Japan
have mentioned that American words like 'Root' and 'Beer' will be
altered into 'Root-ou' and 'Beer-ou' to make them easier for Japanese
speakers to pronounce. The tendency is to 'round out' any words
ending in hard syllables. This would be the equivalent of an American
not properly rolling his R's when speaking French, because that sound
doesn't really occur in English very much, and is therefore hard to
pronounce. Any names chosen by a first-generation immigrant would
therefore tend to end in a vowel instead of a consonant (i.e. 'Danny'
instead of 'Dan') because it would be easier for that person and his
friends/family to speak their 'American-ized' name. I'm not Asian, so
I may be way off base in my theory about this. I'd love to hear from
someone who could debunk or confirm this idea.
POSTED 1/30/01
Phil, Atlanta, GA, United States, 27, Male, Taoist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1290150631
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Question:
As a big woman, I feel as though I am often regarded as
unattractive or even gender-less by men. I understand that the media
displays thin women as the norm and a standard of beauty, but are men
so easily led by those images that they neglect a large (no pun
intended) population of women in the United States who are
attractive, brilliant, sexy and potentially a good lifemate simply
because she is overweight? Guys, let me know what's going on here.
POSTED 1/29/01
Kari, Warren, MI, United States, 25, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Management, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class
Mesg ID 11302000125839
Responses:
I wouldn't say men are easily led by media images. Remember that
these images have been presented every day of every week of every
year for decades. Generations of kids are growing up with the
impression that fat is bad and slim is good. There's a certain amount
of peer pressure that lasts well into adulthood, creating the belief
that having a girlfriend or wife who is of above-average weight is
somehow inferior and therefore a failure on your part to find someone
slim/better. It's bad, but that's the way it is. I'm dating a woman
who is overweight, and I admit that I wouldn't normally have
considered dating her for the above reasons if I hadn't got to know
her as a friend first. She's a wonderful, caring and beautiful
person, and we plan to marry in about a year. It's also nice to have
some meat on them bones for a good hug!
POSTED 1/30/01
James, NE, NA, United Kingdom, 27, Male, Software Engineer, Middle
class
Mesg ID 1300110653
I think men are less affected by the media than women are. Women
always think they're overweight when often a man would not agree. An
interesting cross-cultural study a couple of years ago showed that
men all over the world prefer women with bodies of a certain
proportion (I forget what the exact proportions are), which may
indicate that men's preferences in this area are 'hard-wired' in the
genes rather than culturally imposed. A similar example is women's
overriding preference for tall males over short ones, regardless of
fitness level.
POSTED 1/30/01
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1300145233
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Question:
A Hindu co-worker and I were discussing the fear of death many
Americans seem to have. She said Hindus and Buddhists generally don't
fear death because of the belief that in life you either reach
enlightenment or come back in another life to fulfill unresolved
desires. I said I thought the fear of death many Americans express is
a result of America's Judeo-Christian heritage, in which people have
grown up being told that if you sin you will burn in hell (barring
absolution of those sins). If you have a fear of death, is it because
of your religion? If you don't fear death, why do you think this is?
POSTED 1/29/01
Shelly, Pittsburgh, PA, United States, Female, Quaker,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class
Mesg ID 1250141415
Responses:
It seems to me that fear of death is natural, a part of our
survival instinct. Perhaps it could be overcome, but why? Western
culture isolates death from everyday life. We are only rarely exposed
to it. This may not be true in other cultures.
POSTED 1/30/01
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1300145535
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Question:
This past summer I went on a family vacation to Maui, Hawaii,
and encountered Polynesian people. From an anthropological
standpoint, I always believed that black people were the tallest and
strongest people. Yet when I saw these Polynesian people
(specifically the men) in Maui, they were humongous; just as tall and
even bigger. I'm curious: Do Polynesians have any black descent in
them? I am clueless on their ancesteral history, but seemingly, they
share some black features.
POSTED 1/29/01
Jarrett, Oxford, OH, United States, 19, Male, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, full-time student, 2 Years of
College , Upper middle class
Mesg ID 1270110255
Responses:
If you visited only Hawaii, the odds are that you ran into very
few full-blooded Polynesians (Kanaka Maoli - blooded native.) Some
estimates put less than 5 percent of the population of Hawaii as
full-blooded native. And some of these people are limited to one
small island that is protected. The original Polynesians come from
the South Pacific and, some say, New Zealand. Hawaii itself has lots
of American and Asian influence and bloodlines. Surely there is
African heritage present, but I don't think it is dominant in the
mix. Of more interest to me is your perception that Africans are the
tallest and strongest people on Earth. Have you ever been to Sweden?
And how come it is always Slavic countries that win all the
weightlifting contests in the Olympics?
POSTED 1/30/01
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 44, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Corporate Cubicle Kind of Guy, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class
Mesg ID 1300124113
I think your idea that black people are the tallest and strongest
is mistaken. The records for height and weightlifting in the Guinness
Book of Records are held by non-blacks. Besides, race is socially,
not biologically, defined. All of us trace our ancestry to Africa.
POSTED 1/30/01
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1300150414
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Question:
Has black males' masculinity/ego been dented by slavery? Is
this why they have to be promiscuous and father children all over the
place - i.e. to prove they are real men? Have they lost their true
identity?
POSTED 1/29/01
Alanap, Glasgow, NA, United Kingdom, 25, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, banker, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class
Mesg ID 1280192335
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Question:
I work in an ethnically diverse workplace, and in the parking
lot I have observed the parking habits of the people here. Why is it
that black drivers consistently back into parking places?
POSTED 1/24/01
Todd M., Jacksonville, FL, United States, 30, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Sales, 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1240190648
Responses:
Some cities and possibly states/provinces have laws saying you
are not allowed to back out of a parking lot or driveway onto a
street (although such laws are seldom enforced), which makes sense
when you think about it. Perhaps these blacks in question are just
driving more sensibly, because it is much easier to drive out of a
space (facing forward) than to 'back' out.
POSTED 1/30/01
Sebastian, Montreal, NA, Canada, <raakone@hotmail.com>, 21,
Male, White/Caucasian, Student, 4 Years of College
Mesg ID 1260175024
There are many reasons why SOME African Americans choose to back
into parking spaces, but here are a couple: 1) Unfortunately, many
black folks have expired tags and things of the sort. There may also
be a requirement to have a special bumper sticker, as in for parking
or ID. Backing in is a way that only the very desperate will search
for the proper protocol - it avoids all of the hassels that goes
along with not having what you need; 2) After coming from a long,
hard day's work, the first thing on my mind is getting as far away as
I can - backing in is the perfect answer to this because you can just
leave without too much maneuvering.
POSTED 1/26/01
Angie, Nashville, TN, United States, 21, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, student, Middle class
Mesg ID 12501105514
I've noticed this, too. I asked around, and I have come to the
conclusion that it's a regional instead of ethnic thing. Backing into
the parking space makes it easier and safer to get out, which can
become more important when snow and ice are a factor. There's been a
big migration of African Americans from Northern urban areas to
Southern cities. They bring their driving and parking habits with
them. You tend to notice it because this is not typical behavior in
the South, and even more so because of the race of the person who is
doing it.
POSTED 1/26/01
Carlton, Atlanta, GA, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Over 4
Years of College , Middle class
Mesg ID 1250133806
I often back into parking spaces at my workplace, because I just
bought a new car and the spaces are small. I pick spaces where I am
between two cars and the passenger-side door of each car is on either
side of me (one car is backed in and the other is facing forward).
That way, the driver of either car can enter his car without hitting
his door into mine. If there is a passenger, usually the driver will
back out so that the passenger can get in. Also, when I am ready to
go, I can jump in and go!
POSTED 1/26/01
Samm, Boston, MA, United States, 36, Female, New Age/Metaphysical,
Black/African American, Straight, Office Manager, 2 Years of College
, Middle class
Mesg ID 1260195224
Some cities and possibly states/provinces have laws saying you are
not allowed to back out of a parking lot or driveway onto a street
(although such laws are seldom enforced), which makes sense when you
think about it. Perhaps these blacks in question are just driving
more sensibly, because it is much easier to drive out of a space
(facing forward) than to 'back' out.
POSTED 1/30/01
Sebastian, Montreal, Quebec, NA, Canada,
<raakone@hotmail.com>, 21, Male, White/Caucasian, Student, 4
Years of College
Mesg ID 1260175024
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Question:
While in a Sushi bar, why are you served pieces that are too
big to put in your mouth all at once, and that will fall apart if you
try to bite them in half? Also why is there no way to cut them
(chopsticks don't do it)? And why is there no place for all the food
to fall when you try to divide it?
POSTED 1/24/01
Gari-son, West Los Angeles, CA, United States
Mesg ID 124200121241
Responses:
As a total sushi-nut and somewhat of a sushi-snob, I am guessing
that the falling apart in mid-bite is a result of one of two things:
It could be poorly made sushi, probably by someone who has not had
the seven years of education (afik) needed to become a sushi chef. It
could also be bad 'sushi-eating-skills.' Most people I have seen
eating sushi do so in the most bizarre manner (to my sushi-love-slave
way of thinking). Usually I see people either pull off the topping
with their chopsticks and eat that first, and then attack the poor
bed of rice, or (sin of all sins) dip them upside down! By upside
down I mean dipping the rice side of the sushi in the soy sauce. Only
the topping should be dipped, if you must dip. It is very bad
etiquette to let the soy contaminate the rice, which is considered
holy in Japan. I have even seen people lift up their sushi bit and
place it carefully in the bowl of soy, letting it sit there and soak
for a while before trying to eat it! As for why it can't be cut in
two pieces, if that were necessary, it would be served in two pieces.
As it is, they are perfectly proportioned to grab one bite to satisfy
the craving, then pop the last half in and savour slowly. To answer
your question about why there is nothing to catch the bits you drop,
the answer is don't drop! Properly made and eaten, sushi should be
easily managed and have a sufficiantly sticky consistency that not a
grain of rice escapes. Worth bearing in mind is that sushi is
perfectly acceptable 'finger food.' It is just as allowed to eat it
with your fingers as, for example, fried chicken in the states. Place
thumb and middle finger on either side, and a supportive index finger
accross the top, turn your palm face up and dip the topping, yum!
Sorry about this post, but I am living in a small, sushi-less town at
the moment and haven't had access to sushi in months. Abstinence is a
cruel thing.
POSTED 1/30/01
Iteki, Stockholm, via Dublin, NA, Sweden,
<iteki@valheru.com>, 24, Female, Recovering Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Student, High School Diploma , Lower middle
class
Mesg ID 1300141859
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