Best of the Week
of Feb. 21, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of Feb. 21, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question Code
Key:
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A=Age
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GD=General
Diversity
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RE=Religion
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C=Class
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G=Geography
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SE=Sensitive
Matters
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D=Disabilities
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O=Occupation
|
SO=Sexual
Orientation
|
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GE=Gender
|
R=Race/Ethnicity
|
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THE QUESTION:
O11: Why are most employers these
days more interested in the bottom line, even to the point of
treating employees poorly? Don't they want life-long employees?
(Director's note: Y? would prefer that an employer, or someone at a
high level of management, as opposed to an employee, answer this
question.)
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
N.M., Hagerstown, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Director's Note: Y? sought
an answer from Marina v.N. Whitman, professor of business
administration and public policy at the University of Michigan and
former member of the President's Council of Economic Advisers. She is
author of the just-published book New World, New Rules: The Changing Role of the American
Corporation (Harvard Business
School Press, 1999). Here is her response:
"The answer to N.M.'s question has
two parts: Global competition and more demanding shareholders.
Back in the "good old days" of the
1950s and '60s, no other country could anywhere near match the United
States in efficiency and technology, and American companies had no
effective competition from anywhere else in the world. This dominance
meant high earnings -profit rates in those days were much higher than
they have ever been since. It also enabled those who ran the
companies to spread the gains from market power around, not only in
the form of lavish perks and excess management layers, but also as
high pay and generous benfits to rank-and-file workers. And, because
they didn't have to worry about always running a tight ship, lifetime
jobs were secure.
Today, many countries can compete
effectively with us, and intense global competition is pressuring
U.S. companies to increase efficiency and cut costs in order to
survive and thrive. This competition gives consumers lower prices,
better quality and more choice, and has also made it possible for the
United States to experience both inflation and unemployment at lower
levels than we've seen in decades. But cost-cutting may mean laying
off people or skinnying-down generous benefits, both of which
threaten people's sense of economic security.
Along with more intense competition,
American employers are feeling presure from more aggressive
shareholders. Now that more than half the stock of large firms is
held by institutional investors - mainly mutual funds and pension
funds - companies whose profits don't measure up to expectations are
likely to find themselves threatened with forced merger, hostile
takeover or a change in top management.
None of this means employers want to
treat employees poorly. In fact, the "high-performance workplace"
instituted by many of the most successful companies gives employees
more responsibility and freedom to make decisions, both of which
require a positive attitude. And many employers are trying to improve
working conditions with such innovations as flextime or on-site
daycare. But the old mutual commitment of cradle-to-grave loyalty is
gone; not only are employers less likely to guarantee lifetime jobs,
but most young people today neither expect nor want them."
POSTED FEB. 26, 1999
To
answer
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
G72: What types of punishments do
kids receive in different countries or cultures for misbehaving, or
disobeying their parents? What are specific examples, as well as the
reasoning behind these punishments, and what are some opinions on
which countries have the harshest punishments? Thanks.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
Spanish <Lmgause@hotmail.com>, Raleigh, NC
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
C12: Why does the middle class
pay more taxes than the upper class?
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Dan M., male, Lawrence, KS
ANSWER 1:
The upper class take
advantage of all the tax shelters written into the tax code. You too
can take these shelters if you have the proper advice.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
Phuman, Adrian, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
The upper class controls
government, and government decides who pays how much in taxes.
Although it may appear we have an equitable tax system, there are
numerous loopholes to allow the upper class to dodge paying their
fair portion of the tax bill. Viewed this way, it only makes sense
that the upper class would not pass laws against themselves. Don't
believe the upper class controls the government? Name five senators
or congressmen from low- or middle-income families. Name five
high-ranking government officials from low- or middle-income
brackets. Can you think of any that are truly from the working class?
That's the way our political system is set up.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
Angie W., female <ajwalden@falcon.ukans.edu.com>, Lawrence , KS
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The upper class always pays
more taxes than the middle class. The current tax rates are designed
so that the tax percentage is higher as your income goes up. Even if
the tax rates were the same, the more money you had, the more you
would pay. So while you might be paying a combined income tax rate of
35 percent at a middle class tax bracket, someone in a higher tax
bracket might be paying 50 percent, and since they make more money,
they are paying far more than you ever would. And that is just
dealing with the income tax. Married couples, who tend to have a
higher household income (and therefore a higher tax bracket), also
get charged more in taxes than single people. Also, many upper-class
people are in that class because they own businesses, and since
businesses are taxed on top of personal income taxes, they get taxed
more than once. While some business owners will pass that cost on to
customers, that seldom covers the entire additional tax burden. The
only difference is that upper-class people typically have more left
over after taxes than middle-class people, which makes sense. If you
work hard to become more successful and make more money, you should
be able to do what you want with that money. No one else should feel
entitled to take away the rewards of your hard work. Also, consider
that most of the money from taxes goes to programs that upper-class
people will never benefit from, even though they are paying a higher
share of the tax burden for those programs.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
John K., 25, male <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford , NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Tax breaks given for large
investments in businesses or charities, which most of the upper-class
have money for. The upper class can use these investments as
loopholes to the tax code, and use the loopholes to reduce the amount
of tax they have to pay. The upper class can usually afford another
nice amenity: A tax accountant, who will advise them how to pay as
little tax as possible.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
A.R. <Adam.Risley@valpo.edu>, Valparaiso , IN
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
O17: Lately when I am shopping
for groceries or anything else, I have noticed that I rarely get a
"thank you" from the cashier for my purchase. It's "Have a good day"
(even in the late evening). Why is this? I usually tell the clerk
"thank you" when I receive my change.
POSTED JULY 1998
Patrick <pfall1@aol.com>
ANSWER 1:
I know this sounds terrible,
but most supermarket cashiers don't say "Thank you" because they are
doing a mind-numbing job for terrible pay, in addition to the fact
they get all the blame if the till or credit-card reader goes wrong.
They aren't in the mood for thanking anyone. Also, it's company
policy to say "Have a nice day" for some reason, but I don't know why
this is.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Flora, female <hert0759@sable.ox.ac.uk>, Oxford , England
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think the lack of
thank-yous is another symptom of the "disease" that has led to all
those tip jars that have sprung up at Dunkin' Donuts, ice cream
parlors, etc. Somehow the customer should be very grateful that the
person behind the counter has performed 12 seconds of work and
collected $1.25 for some flavored water. In my part of the country,
stores have a hard time filling jobs, so maybe the employees know
they won't get fired for not going the extra step cheerfully.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
B. Hale, <halehart@aol.com> Hartford , CT
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To Flora: I am unfamiliar
with England and how grocery stores are run, but in the United States
there is an issue with cashiers being overly polite. Recently a chain
of stores was taken to court because it required its cashiers to be
very friendly, and apparently many customers have taken this as
sexual advances and have tried to "hit" on the employees. I am from
Canada, though, and one thing I have noticed in America is that
people are far less polite to the service industry. For example, in a
coffee place like Starbucks in Canada, a customer would say "I'd like
a Mocha, please" or words to that effect. But in the States, the
customer is more likely to say "Give me a Mocha," which I think is
very rude.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
D. Meerkat, white male, 26, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
To
answer
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO125: Do lesbians have any hard
feelings toward straight women?
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Jaime Y., 20, female, University of Kansas <hi-mee_babe@yahoo.com>, Lawrence, KS
ANSWER 1:
No. However, we may react to
funny looks from males and/or females. The looks might be because we
are with our partners, or because some of us don't look like beauty
queens. (See question GE177 for a discussion on that.)
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
N.Smith, 44, lesbian <ranebow@iname.com>, Butler , PA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I'm not sure what prompted
your question, but in my experience people are most likely to
experience hard feelings toward someone they perceive as having
wronged them in some way, regardless of sexual orientation. Why would
I have any hard feelings toward my mother, daughter, sisters or
numerous straight female friends and co-workers simply because of
their sexual orientation? Gems and jerks come in all orientations.
Possible discomfort or uncertainy about a new acquaintance's response
to knowing a lesbian or bisexual woman may inhibit the growth of
instant trust or comraderie. If a new acquaintance indicated a
certain level of ignorance and desire to understand lesbian issues,
certainly I would be happy to answer her questions with no hard
feelings. If, on the other hand, she started spouting homophobic
rhetoric, I would strongly refute such arguments (politely if
possible) but probably have hard feelings.
Strange to say that shortly after I
came out, I went through a short period when I was so happy with my
life that every really neat woman that I admired and liked, I wished
were a lesbian, too. Guess I just wanted the best for them, and in my
book, lesbians were the best! It didn't take long to decide that was
pretty arrogant, and that really cool women could still be straight
and wonderful. Certainly happily-married Congresswoman Bella Abzug
was one of my childhood heroines, along with several other straight
feminists and social pioneers.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
DykeOnByke, 48, lesbian feminist <DykeOnByke@aol.com>, Southfield , MI
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R617: In my experience, it seems
that many East Indians feel they are superior to the rest of the
races in America. I understand that all races have predjudice, but
why does it seem to be so prevalent in East Indians?
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
J. Bilbrey, 26, white male <slingblade@qconline.com>, Quad-Cities, IL
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
R616: Why is it that black people
can go up to their friends and say "what's up nigger?" as a friendly
gesture, when this term has such negative undertones? How is it that
such an awful, derogatory word has evolved into this type of
slang?
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
Emmanuelle, 16, white female <emmanuelle44@yahoo.com>, Cincinnati, OH
ANSWER 1:
As a black person, I'm
still trying to understand this. Other blacks may
try to justify its use by saying it's a good word for them. The truth
is, nobody should use this word (not even blacks). How can we say
that we can say something and someone else can't? It's a matter of
having a (negative) double standard that my black brothers and
sisters try in vain to explain. When blacks say the n-word to me, I
correct them.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Peter, 23, black male, Ypsilanti, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I know far fewer African
Americans who use that slang with each other anymore. African
Americans are beginning to have more pride in their ancestry and not
copy mainstream ways of looking at themselves. For those who still
use that term, it's because they are not looking at one another with
the issue of superiority in the background. An African American
considers that if he uses that slang, it is not in a racist mode; if
a European American uses it, it is generally not a term of
endearment. Even if it is not meant in an offensive way, the European
American would be looked at with suspicion because he/she has not
shared the same history of slavery, repression and prejudice because
of the men who came up with that derogatory term in the first place.
Personally, I think any African American who uses it is practicing
self-hatred in the long run.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Taliba, black female <aja6311@unix.tamu.edu>, Houston , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Our slave ancestors, not
being permitted to learn how to read or write, picked up their spoken
English from the whites with whom they came in contact - mostly
slavemasters and overseers. The first and most enduring label these
whites used in referring to blacks was "nigger," which became a
natural part of black vocabulary and was used by blacks in the same
broad range of ways that they and others used labels such as "white,"
"Indian," "Mexican," etc. Blacks soon came to see in the white usage,
however, a single code standing for all of the hate, hostility and
ugliness whites could bundle under one label. This led blacks to
develop a distaste for the label in general and a profound reaction
to the white usage which has always carried a footnote saying "I
disrespect you, ... I despise you, ... and you are inferior to me."
The multiplicity of meanings in black usage of the word carry some
subtle and not so subtle shadings. While some of these, in certain
contexts, may be rather provocative, none are that single, coded
meaning that is bundled in every white usage. In general, it is much
easier for a word to vanish from a vocabulary if it has but one
meaning than if it has a multiplicity of meanings. The label "nigger"
should therefore be expected to vanish from the vocabulary of whites
much faster than from that of blacks unless whites work to preserve
it. .
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Floyd L., African-American male <lastchild@worldnet.att.net>, Memphis , TN
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
What is actually being said
is "nigga," which means friend, sidekick or partner. It can also mean
chump, idiot or sucka-er. The term nigga refers to who's down (with
me/us), and who's not. Made popular by hip hop, a few whites who are
"down" are allowed to say it (with an a) in the presence of blacks.
"Nigger" still retains its antiquated, defamatory connotations.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Alonzo C., 32, black male, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I believe comedian Chris Rock
said it best when he used the analogy of a mother calling her kid
"stupid." That is totally fine to the mother, but if another mother
calls the first mother's kid "stupid," there'll be hell to pay. I
suppose if you're black and call other blacks "nigger," it's not
offensive. This is similar to Asians calling other Asians "chinks" -
it can be viewed as a friendly gesture.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Asian male, 22, Brooklyn , NY
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
GE117: I don't understand why
women size each other up in terms of their looks - whether it's about
their physical attributes or dress style. Why do women do this?
POSTED FEB. 9, 1999
George O., male <g
oboza@aol.com>, San Diego
, CA
ANSWER 1:
Women must biologically
compete with one another to land the most desirable males. I try to
avoid sizing other women up based on their physical appearance, but I
know exactly what you mean. I don't spend too much time on my
physical appearance, but I'm a model and happen to be tall and
slender, with fine bone structure. I consider it the luck of the
draw; it has nothing to do with who I really am. However, I often
encounter women who act catty with me upon meeting me. I think it's a
matter of jealousy and insecurity.
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
S.R., white female, 20, Austin , TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
Most women size other women
up in terms of physical appearance because that's the way most men
size women up. Everybody wants to be attractive. Most women see men
on many different levels - physical, emotional, mental. Most men
(initially at least) see women on one level - physical. I guess if
you are going to size women up that way, so are we.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
D., 34, white female, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
S.R. says she doesn't have to
size up other women's appearance or "spend too much time on (her)
physical appearance." That's like Donald Trump saying he doesn't
worry about money much. If you naturally have what society considers
an attractive appearance it's really easy not to worry much about
appearance. I spent 20 years yo-yo dieting to try and achieve what
society says is attractive, but I couldn't do it. I can understand
the jealousy women feel toward attractive women. I feel it myself.
But it's not just jealousy because of appearance, it's jealously
because of how people are treated due to their appearance. Try being
size 24 and you'll find out how much appearance matters, and how
differently women are treated because of their size (big or slender)
and appearance. Women size up each others' appearance because women
are judged more on their appearance.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Jenny H., 33, white fat girl, Wellington, New Zealand
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Women are trained/raised from
day one to believe that physical appearance is everything. Look at
the images and toys little girls get to play with. Take an easy
target such as Barbie dolls. Even the newer "working" series of
Barbie has an impossible figure, perfect wardrobe, permanent makeup,
wears a miniskirt and has long blond hair past her butt. Women are
taught that their only worth is through looking good and catching a
good husband. Even S.R. above felt it necessary to describe her
physical attributes.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Woman, 27, white <OneWanda@hotmail.com>
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
A39: What kinds of things do
Italian teenagers do that would compare and contrast with American
teenagers?
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Cody B. <c_bertram@yahoo.com>, Colome, SD
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
RE142: Why is it that we as a
species hold religion so high on our list of values, and is it
possible to lead a fulfilling life without it?
POSTED FEB. 16, 1999
S.D.P., 21 <bacitiman@home.com>, San Diego , CA
ANSWER 1:
Human beings are relatively
unique as a species. We are self-aware, and we know that eventually
we're going to die. Ultimately, I believe religious belief or
non-belief is an attempt to answer the question: Does the person
cease to exist when the physical body dies, or is there something
beyond death? Archaelogical finds have shown religious activities
since at least the time of the Neanderthals. Given the 30,000 or so
years that separate us from them, it's no wonder religion has become
so engrained and valued in the human culture.
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
M.K., 30, theist <kemper1@gte.net>, Tampa, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
I think it comes down to the
age-old questions: "Is this all we are? Is there nothing more than
this existence? Why are we here, and where are we going?" For most of
humanity, these answers cannot be found in the day-to-day struggles
of life. Instead, we all look for something greater than ourselves,
something that can give order to the chaos around us. For most, this
is some version of God. Belief in such a higher power can give
meaning where no rational explanation exists. I believe everyone
gives in to this desire in some way or form, whether it be an
organized faith or simply a strong belief in the theories of science.
Is it possible to have a fulfilling life without organized religion?
Absolutely. I do not subscribe to any particular organized religion;
I prefer the methods of scientific inquiry to the endless
contradictions of most religious faiths. However, that path is only
one of many, and just because I find it fulfilling does not mean you
would. Find your own path to fulfillment, and realize that you are
the only person who needs to determine whether you feel that
fulfillment.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford , NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The experience of the sacred
is one of the most basic human experiences. Rudolf Otto coined the
term "numinous" to describe the awe and fear humans feel before
something that is greater than us. Religion fulfills many important
human needs: The need to feel that life has a greater meaning; the
need to know how to live one's life in harmony with oneself, with
others, with the cosmos and with God; the need for rituals to mark
the important steps in life; the need to feel closer to that power
which is greater than all others. When these needs cannot be met
through religion, other spheres of human activity often take on a
religious aspect. For example, in the Soviet Union, officially
atheist, certain leaders were venerated almost as saints. Visiting
Stalin's embalmed body (and why exactly was his body preserved if
Communists are atheists and do not believe in an afterlife?) was an
act of piety and devotion for many Russians.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
C., 21, female, Religious Studies student, Montreal, Quebec,
Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Religion plays an enormous
part in our culture because it is a social comfort. It gives a sense
of purpose and belonging. And hope. But it is possible to live
without it. I studied to be a pastor, and in studying I decided I
could not keep faith in what I learned. I felt it restricted logical,
rounded thought. I live a happy life without church. I do not have a
relationship with God or Allah or any other form of deity. I don't
feel the need, and I don't need the restrictions it would bring to
me. But as long as it helps people, more power to it. But when it
interferes with human freedom and harms freedom of thought, I feel it
is one of the most harmful things in America.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
J. Bilbrey, 26, white male <slingblade@qconline.com>, Quad Cities, IL
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R614: Why do some male Mexicans
feel as if their girlfriend/wife is there to serve them? I don't mind
getting things for my man, but why do they have to expect it?
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Young Mexican woman, San Diego, CA
ANSWER 1:
I don't think this is a
Mexican male problem. This is a man/woman problem. As a young wife, I
fell into this trap. I wanted to do things for my husband to show him
I loved him, and I assumed he would return the favor. It hit me one
day that the man had no idea where anything was in the house because
I always went and got it for him when he asked where it was! I
stopped. It was rough on him. I wondered how I'd gotten so stupid -
until I found out by talking to other women that many young married
wives seem to make the same mistake.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Colleen, 38, white female <congdon@illuminet.net>, Quantico, VA
FURTHER NOTICE:
A better question would be:
Why do some Neanderthals in every culture
feel women are there to serve them? The problem is not unique to or
especially worse among Latinos or Mexicans than among other -
probably all - cultures. The false "machismo" stereotype of Mexican
culture has been used to justify all kinds of wrong treatment of us.
We should not be spreading such a lie about ourselves. Having said
that, it was probably the way they were wrongly raised, and someone
should teach them better.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian <bigi__@yahoo.com>, San Antonio , TX
To
respond
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THE QUESTION:
R481: To me, many people of
Middle Eastern and Indian background tend to have offensive body
odor. Is there a cultural reason for this?
POSTED OCT. 9, 1998
Darrell E., 56, white, Camarillo, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I have some half-Pakistani
relatives by marriage (I am a white European), and I used to share a
car to work with one of them. She was a typical modern young lady,
very conscious of her looks and personal hygiene (probably more so
than me). However, to me she would occasionally smell of excrement.
This amazed me, but I of course never said anything. A few years
later I heard that many races smell peculiar to each other, one of
the better examples being that the Japanese often find that
Westerners smell of sour milk (the Japanese have far less cow's milk
in their diet than Westerners). I now think that something in my
relative's diet must have produced the unpleasant odor (probably one
of the spices).
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
S.P.H., white, European male <s.p.hodges@openmail.uena4.sukeplon.simis.com>, London, UK
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I think you should never
generalize like this. I am a Middle Eastern male and had two American
roommates during college. If they did not take a shower, they usually
"smelled." If they did, they usually did not.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Mohammad, 30, Arab (Middle Eastern) male <alibaba1969@yahoo.com>, Kalamazoo, MI
To
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THE QUESTION:
RE145: I recently heard the
following about a friend who became an Orthodox Jew before her
wedding: Reportedly, she is unable to sleep in the same bed as her
husband while menstruating, bought a wig to cover her natural hair
and is not permitted to dine in her parents' home because the plates,
food, etc., have not been blessed. Is there any truth to what I've
heard?
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
April , 25, white female, Catholic <alwew3@aol.com>, Tallahassee , FL
ANSWER 1:
Yes, this is true. When an
Orthodox Jewish woman gets married, tradition states her head should
be completely covered. Wigs are one method. Some prefer to wear hats
instead. An Orthodox Jew also will not eat in a home or restaurant
that is not kosher. If your friend's mother's home is not a "kosher"
home, then unclean food has been served on the dinner plates at one
time. I mean "unclean" as far as Jewish dietary laws dictate. As far
as not sleeping in the same bed during menstruation, the woman is
considered unclean during these times.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Alan, 39, male, non-Orthodox Jew <alan4433@hotmail.com>, Atlanta , GA
FURTHER NOTICE:
You've got some things right,
although not necessarily for the right reasons. Some Orthodox Jews do
have special prohibitions about women's bodies, hair and functions,
and these are often also the groups that, for example, only permit
intercourse through a hole in the sheet. Please notethat this is not
mainstream Judaism, just like a prohibition on dancing is not
mainstream Christianity. As for the dishes: That's an extension of
kosher laws on food purity. For some, part of keeping kosher means
keeping meat and dairy separate - totally separate, to the point of
using separate dishes for each (as well as separate dishes for the
Sabbath and certain holidays). It's not a matter of being blessed,
it's a matter of the dishes being ritually unclean.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
A.B., Reform Jew, OK
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The Torah states that a woman
is "unclean" during her period. Accordingly, any man who touches her
is also rendered unclean and must undergo ritual purification after
touching a menstruating woman. Accordingly, married couples sleep
apart when the woman is menstruating. There is Jewish law that
commands a woman to "dress modestly" so as not to excite Jewish
males. The prohibition against dressing provocatively permutated into
a custom (not a law) that married women either crop their hair or (in
the extreme) shave their heads, and then wear wigs. I will not
discuss the absurdity that an attractive wig can be as exciting as
natural hair. As to eating at her parents' home, if your friend is
Orthodox, she may not eat unkosher food. To be kosher, the food must
be purchased from sources known to sell kosher food, be prepared in a
kitchen that is maintained according to the laws of kashrut, and be
served on kosher dishes. Her parents apparently do not do this, so
she may not eat the food they serve. By the way, kosher food is not
blessed; its preparation is supervised to make sure it conforms to
the law.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Jerry, Jewish male <gmt@GTE.net>, Tampa , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
First of all, I would urge
you to talk to your friend about this. None of these are shameful
subjects in Orthodox Judaism. As with many other religions, people
can be more or less stringent. Even within the Orthodox community
there is quite a bit of variation in the level of observance. What
you have heard about your friend might not be what she practices.
Yes, for reasons of family purity, men and women do not touch during
menstruation and for approximately a week afterward. Yes, covering of
married women's hair in public places is part of Jewish tradition.
This is sometimes done with a hat, sometimes with a wig or a bandana.
If her parents are not observant, she can indeed not eat from their
plates. However, it has nothing to do with blessing. Jewish dietary
law restricts people from eating certain foods and adds details about
both the utensils and the person who cooks it. She probably can eat
fruit in her parents' home, for example.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
David, 32, Jewish male <degraaf@genome.wi.mit.edu>, Cambridge, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
All true. My brother, who is
Orthodox, lives by those rules, many of which are spelled out
explicitly in the Bible.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Andrew, 35, non-believing Jew <ziptron@start.com.au>
Huntington , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Yes, very possible. In the
extremely Orthodox world, women are unclean when they are
menstruating. In strict cultures, there were huts for the women to
sleep in during menstruation. There are also mikvahs, which are
ritual milk-baths used to cleanse after their periods. As for the
wig, after a woman is married, only her husband (and I guess
children) is permitted to see her real hair. It's a modesty thing,
with hair considered to be sensuous. As for dining in her parents'
home, they may not keep kosher. Kashruth (kosher) laws require that
meat and milk be eaten separately, and there are separate dishes,
utensils, pots, pans and even ranges, and ovens and sponges for each.
I've even seen a dishwasher that allows for kosher living. Everything
is blessed by a rabbi. She may not feel comfortable eating on plates
that are not kosher.
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
Lori, 38, Jewish mother of two <frumkin@compex.com>, Annandale , VA
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THE QUESTION:
GD62: Why is understanding other
cultures important?
POSTED FEB. 17, 1999
Lance C., male <gmc@almatel.net>, Broxton , Ga
ANSWER 1:
You could also ask, "Why is
avoiding misunderstanding and hatred important?" If you do not
understand why someone else is doing something, then you are very
likely to make a negative judgement about them. This can easily lead
to condescension and dislike, or outright hate. And that can lead to
oppression and violence. Secondly, from understanding another
culture's perceptions and discoveries, you can often make innovations
in your own culture. Strangely, from the discoveries made in the
Crusades into the Mediterranean, the Renaissance was born. Algebra
comes from the Middle East, from Al Gibre (sp?). Many of the ideas of
Enlightenment, from which the U.S. was constructed, came from Greek
and Roman thought. One of the reasons the United States is strong is
because of its large immigrant population. I assume that if you do
not have black hair, dark brown eyes and brown skin, you are a child
of one of those immigrants.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
White male <delorimier@yahoo.com>, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
It is important to learn
about other cultures because of history. History shows us over and
over again that wars, mass exterminations and persecutions on both a
national and individual level are largely due to either lack of
understanding or misunderstanding.Without cultural understanding,
from which respect and appreciation arise, it is easy and convenient
to make a judgment on differences. Hence it becomes easy to refer to
Native Americans as "nits," or to Jews as "vermin," or to Viet Namese
as " gooks." Behaviors soon follow. The other reason is simply that
knowledge of other cultures makes life more interesting. How boring
would the table be without pizza, moogoogaipan (sp?), baclavav,
etc.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Mox, 49 <tekippe@mailcity.com>, Tampa
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
In my opinion, the most
important thing about understanding other cultures is the ability to
be tolerant of and tolerable to other cultures. If you know where
another person is "coming from," you are less likely to be offended
by them. You are also less likely to commit social offenses around
others. In short, it allows us all to coexist more harmoniously.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Michell, white chick, 31, Panama City, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
America is changing, and we
must learn to get along with everyone. We must learn to be aware of
how our words and actions can be perceived and how they can hurt if
we don't understand another person's point of view. Understanding
another's culture is not just for the benefit of another person, it
is to prevent others from hurting and using you as well.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Renee C. , female <weldedlife.com>, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
It's good because it helps me
understand more of the world and - by comparing the "other" with my
own - it helps me understand more of my culture, too; and to see
where it is in the world. We're all in the world, which is a big
place, and we may have to bump up against other people, and it's good
to have knowledge outside our own back yard. And because I'm curious
and nosey. I do African-style hand-drumming and am able to meet
ordinary-looking black guys who are hugely respected as the carriers
and handers-on of their songs, rhythms and history, and who tolerate
and encourage my efforts to play what they play; I have a Japanese
e-mail pen-pal, and I can ask him how life is in his country, how he
feels seeing English people at a "Remember Hiroshima" vigil, and
whether/how Japanese workers speak to bosses. He asks me about things
here that intrigue and puzzle him - like are we all individualists
and are Japanese all groupists. It's just fascinating, and it makes
me see how Y? Forum started.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Steve H., 54, white single English male <steve.hill@stevehil.globalnet.co.uk>, Leeds, UK
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
The United States is becoming
increasingly multiracial. Tolerance and sensitivity is a major issue.
Many European Americans have either no tolerance for difference or
view difference as synonomous with negative. It is important that as
Americans we all understand the many contributions minorities have
made to the mosaic of this country. Why shouldn't we all learn about
each other so that we can respect and be sensitive as human beings
living in the same country?
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Taliba <aja6311@unix.tamu.edu>, female, Houston, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
You can learn a lot about who
you are by learning about who you're not. You understand night a lot
better by understanding day, illness by understanding health,
childhood by understanding adulthood, one religion by understanding
another.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
B. Hale <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford , CT
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Iit is important to study
other cultures because, by having done so, we realize we are all the
same. After having taken the time to study the indigenous activities
of these cultures, we can than see the parallels to our own. And with
any small use of our heart or soul, we can realize that within all
cultures there are those who accept and those who reject differences.
In the end, I think the only difference important in people is not
their gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity or religious belief, but
their use of love or fear to face the world. All groups have their
good, evil, bad, benevolent, prejudiced, poor, rich, etc. Let the
good uplift the good, and let the fearful condemn the fearful.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Matthew, male, New York, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
Because it's a sure thing
that you'll be dealing with someone from another culture someday,
some time. And when you do, it will help you not be offended by the
way that person looks, acts or talks, and it may help you avoid
saying or doing something that would offend that person. Other than
simple human courtesy, avoiding unnecessary offense has business,
social and political advantages that seem pretty obvious.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Andrew, 35, white male <ziptron@start.com.au>, Huntington , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Understanding leads to
tolerance and, more importantly, to the avoidance of
misunderstanding, which leads to hostility by way of ignorance and
fear. I believe this to be true of all human relations. I also
believe it to be the basis for determining the progress or digression
of each attempt at human interaction at every level
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
J.B. <cierron@hotmail.com>, Jacksonville, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
I study cultures because it
allows me to get to know myself better. It also allows me to be more
tolerant and understanding of others, more varied in my responses to
others and more appreciative of the cultural factors that shape
individual identity. In the process, I deeply enhance my own
appreciation of the privileges I have been given, and become more
committed to ensuring that others are provided with equitable
opportunities as well.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Celia, 45, Filipino-American female, Clinton, IA
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THE QUESTION:
GD61: To people of different
demographic backgrounds: It seems that each decade has been marked by
a theme. The 1960s was the "hippies," the 1970s was "disco," but what
was the theme of the 1980s, and with the 1990s almost over, is there
a theme for this decade?
POSTED FEB. 17, 1999
Michele P., 22, female <polit002@mailhost1.csusm.edu>, Vista, CA
ANSWER 1:
As far as I know, the
consensus was that the '80s was the "Me Decade." You know, greed is
good, Wall Street rules and all that.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Hanofer, Seattle, WA
FURTHER NOTICE:
The 1980s was a decade of pop
music, punkers and yuppies. The 1990s will probably be remembered as
dominantly "alternative" and "Gen X." With so many different themes
going on in the 90s, it will be hard to categorize. Think about it,
there are "ravers," "punks," "gangsters," "Dead heads (hippies)," and
so on. The list of people's "titles" are endless, so we'll just have
to wait and see.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Female, white, 20 <Bettie10@aol.com>, Escondido , Ca
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
When I think of the '80s, I
think of yuppies, money, success, shallowness, etc.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
C, white female, 21, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
The '80s was the "healthy
body" decade, with jogging, exercise and natural food topping the
list of interests. The 90s is the PC (politically correct) decade,
with people using the proper words without actually changing their
attitudes. I am hoping that the next decade will be the "back to
basics" decade. where we realize that our families are the center of
the universe, and our jobs and social life are secondary.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Tina M., 34 <tinamena@ao.net>, Oviedo , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
A recent TIME magazine
article, the one with the rap/R&B artist Lauryn Hill on the
cover, addressed the question of what kinds of music best describes
the '90s. If you take a look around, elements of hip hop (the culture
and music) have become extremely popular, so much so that it even
surpasses country music in annual album sales. It's not just the
music of African Americans anymore. Just look at all the white
R&B teeny-bopper groups who've adopted (and maybe even
"bastardized") the sound and the image. Of course, it's always
difficult to characterize a decade as one thing or another (Internet
boom, economic prosperity, etc.). It'll probably be easier to do in
another 10 years...
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Marc, 24, male, Baltimore, MD
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
The 80's does have
semi-official labels: the Me Decade, and the Greed Decade. A lot of
wealth built on shady Wall Street and real estate deals. Conspicuous
consumption. What's in it for me. The '90s don't have a semi-official
label yet as far as I can tell. The theme that gets kicked around is
"Everybody is a victim, nobody is to blame, everything is relative."
The defining moments of the decade are O.J.'s acquittal on criminal
charges, and the public brushing off the Clinton scandal.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
B. Hale, ready for a new decade <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
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THE QUESTION:
RE143: To Muslim women living in
the United States: Do you feel less liberated than other women around
you who are not confined by having to cover their hair? And what is
the purpose of that in your religion?
POSTED FEB. 16, 1999
Shannon, 22, white female <shannonrae@collegeclub.com>, San Diego, CA
ANSWER 1:
I am a 25-year-old Muslim
woman born and raised in the United States. To be honest, it is all a
matter of the woman's background. Some women who may resent the fact
that they wear the hijab, as it is called, may feel "less liberated,"
as you say, because they may feel the need to compete or join in with
other women in cosmetically managing and displaying their hair. I, on
the other hand, as well as other Muslim women I know, feel very
dignified to wear the hijab. First of all, I don't see it, and people
shouldn't see it as being "confined." This is one of the biased media
terms used to describe the hijab from a subjective standpoint. It
isn't like being in prison; it's only a piece of clothing! It's not a
straightjacket or tether. And to explain its purpose, the hijab is
used for the purpose of modesty. We cover the hair as well as the
body. We also wear it to distinguish ourselves from those who are not
Muslim. These reasons are agreed upon by the majority of Muslims and
Islamic scholars. From my point of view, dressing modestly also
allows the woman to be viewed for her abilities and intelligence
instead of for her sexual/physical attractiveness, which is for the
eyes of her husband/family/other women only. I feel much more
liberated now that I cover than I did when I was a rebellious
teenager, with my thighs, hair, etc., all showing. I no longer have
to impress others with my hairstyles (although many of us do get our
hair done) and I very, very rarely get disrespected by men's catcalls
and other unwanted advances.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Atiyah, 25, Muslim female <niassi@hotmail.com>, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
In my opinion as an Arab and
a Muslim, Muslim women cover their hair because it has been a
tradition in the Middle East before even Islam. It is more of a
culture than religion. Islam doesn't value the physical beauty of a
person. The important thing is to be healthy. Muslims value the
character of the person more. Men also cannot wear jewelry such as
gold because the beauty of men is in their character and deeds and
not in the way they look.
POSTED FEB. 22, 1999
Arab man <benzahra@physics.spa.umn.edu>, Minneapolis, MN
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