Best of the Week
of Feb. 28, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of Feb. 28, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question Code
Key:
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A=Age
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GD=General
Diversity
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RE=Religion
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C=Class
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G=Geography
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SE=Sensitive
Matters
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D=Disabilities
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O=Occupation
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SO=Sexual
Orientation
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GE=Gender
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R=Race/Ethnicity
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THE QUESTION:
D35: Why do people with Down Syndrome look the same?
POSTED MARCH 4, 1999
Ashley L., 14, female <EmeraldAsh@aol.com>, Houston, TX
ANSWER 1:
As the mother of a
14-year-old with Down Syyndrome, I can tell you that the reason
people with it have typical characteristics is that they have a extra
No. 21 chromosome (thus the name trisomy 21). For reasons not
completely understood ,every person with this extra chromosome will
have some or all characteristic symptoms associated with Down
Syndrome. This is why many people with down Syndrome have a small,
flat face, Asian-appearing eyes and small ears, and are small in
stature. Besides the physical characteristics,many people with this
syndrome suffer from heart defects, impaired hearing,and impaired
intellectual development. Contrary to the popluar belief of our
ancestors, people with Down Syndrome are not related to each other
anymore than any two people on the street, and they are not ancestors
of people from Mongolia, which was the belief long ago, thus the
outdated term "Mongoloid."
POSTED MARCH 5, 1999
Jenny <jenny.houghton@newhouse.com>, female, Arlington, VA
FURTHER NOTICE:
All people with Down's
Syndrome do notl ook exacly alike. They do share some of the facial
and physical characteristics of that condition. Since Down's Syndrome
is caused by a chromosomal abnormality, the disease affects them not
only mentally, but changes the life expanctency because of many other
common illness that a person with Down's Syndrome is more likely to
have like kidney failure, or heart disease. I'm guessing that fear of
the unknown is the reason you asked this question. But everytime I
look at my little brother, all I see is beauty and love.
POSTED MARCH 5, 1999
Julia Co., 19 <julia.connell@marymount.edu>, Arlington , VA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Persons with Down's Syndrome
do not look alike - one can differentiate between two different
persons with the syndrome. However, people with Down's do have
certain characteristics common to their condition that makes it
obvious they have Down's. Down's is caused by having an extra
chromosome 21 (genotype) and the expression of the extra genetic
material manifests itself as several noticable characteristics
(phenotype: 1) prominent eyelid folds - hence "mongolism" 2) low set
ears 3) decreased intelligence - severity very variable 4) simian
crease - continuous crease across palm 5) heart defects - variable
severity 6) decreased coordination Though Dwon's may be difficult to
diagnose at birth, these and other traits become more prominent as
the baby grows older. This goes to show that much of what we are is
the product of our genes - good or bad.
POSTED MARCH 5, 1999
Gaz, Baltimore, MD
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THE QUESTION:
GE121: Who has an easier
lifestyle: Guys or girls?
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
Cathy, female
ANSWER 1:
It depends on how you look at
it. Women tend to give and receive more emotional support, live
longer and can bear children. However, women also face more
discrimination, earn less money than men (on average) and are more
likely to be victims of sexual assault and eating disorders. Men are
physically stronger, hold most powerful positions in the world,and
are naturally more aggressive. While women try to live up to certain
standards of beauty and taking care of others, men feel the "boys
don't cry" pressure of being pillars of strength and being far more
hesitant to express their emotions. By the way, while I am fairly
sure all of this is generally accurate, it's pretty much what the
media has fed me for 21 years ... although my observations support
everything above as well.
POSTED MARCH 4, 1999
S.R., white female, 21, Austin , TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
Absolutely beyond any debate,
guys have it easier. Less focus on physical appearance. Less
confusion over adult roles (breadwinner). Simpler, cheaper clothes
that stay in style for long periods of time. No menstrual cycle. No
labor pains. No menopause. No breastfeeding at 3 a.m. Less fear for
physical safety. No changing your name. Greater physical strength. No
leg shaving. No armpit shaving. More money for the same work. Able to
eat more calories without gaining weight. Gray hair is a sign of
distinction. Can urinate standing up.
POSTED MARCH 4, 1999
B. Hale, Mr. got it so easy, male <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford , CT
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have never felt the
pressure to conform, be popular or be part of a clique, which I'm
sure is a huge weight on the shoulders of some girls. Therefore, I
believe it is worse to be a guy. It seems to me that in male society,
they keep at least one guy in the group to be the butt of jokes and
humiliated. This one guy gives the rest of the guys security and the
opportunity to feel superior to someone. That is a cruel way to grow
up. Addionally, boys and men may have more fun and freedom, but they
also have more expectations laid on them. If I don't want to go out
in the cold, my husband will shovel the driveway or start my car
because it's expected for a male to do that for females. Men are
expected to give up their
lives if it comes to that,
i.e. if they're present at a bank robbery or around when there's a
rampaging lion. Women expect men to do that for them, and they do, to
some extent. It amazes me.
POSTED MARCH 4, 1999
Lynda, 29, white female, CT
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THE QUESTION:
R623: To African Americans: What
is a "stepshow?"
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
Jarrett B., white male, 38 <jburch@mindspring.com>, Augusta , GA
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THE QUESTION:
G73: I'm reading Confederates in the Attic by Tony Horwitz. Are white Southerners really
still hung up on the Civil War? Do some Southerners still perceive
the South as being occupied by the Federal government?
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
B. Hale, Yankee <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
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THE QUESTION:
R621: To people who of mixed-race
or multiplce heritage: How do you feel about being classified as one
race or another? Do you identify with one race more than the other?
Does that depend on which parent's race you more closely resemble?
Are you ever angry with your parents for not "sticking to their
own"?
POSTED MARCH 1, 1999
Roger T., male, 40-plus , Asian/Caucasian <roger.thomas@home.com>, Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
ANSWER 1:
I think being mixed race mkes
you realize just how arbitrary and foolish racial classification is.
I have Mexican, American Indian and Anglo ancestry. Generally, if I'm
clean-shaven, people think I'm Indian, but if I let a beard grow, I'm
seen as Mexican. But some Latinos will see me as "white" because my
Spanish is weak, even though I'm as dark as Jimmy Smits. I call
myself both Mexican and Indian, but my sister, who came out so light
that whites often unwittingly make racist jokes around her, will
always mention our Irishness. Appearance certainly plays a part in
how you identify yourself. I think any resentment for "not sticking
to your own" is crazy and flat out racist ugliness. Indians have been
mixing since Cortez. It is opposed to every principle of traditional
spiritual belief to be racist. So-called "race mixing" is not a
problem; it is one of several solutions to the United States'
problems with "race."
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian, San Antonio , TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am a multi-racial female
(my mother was Swedish American and my father half Mexican American
half African American). I embrace all of the cultural and racial
richness that flows in my veins. I proudly volunteer for a couple of
African-American organizations, but would also feel very comfortable
to take part in a Hispanic organization as well. For generations, my
family has looked beyond color, physical challenges, looks, religion,
etc. I am a proud American rich with ethnic heritage and cultural
experiences that I cherish.
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
Kathy, multi-racial, 40-plus, female, Saginaw , MI
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THE QUESTION:
A5: Why is it that older men seem
to wear their pants higher on the hips than the rest of the
population? Does this have to do with physical changes to the body in
old age, or some fad that was around when they were younger?
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
Mike, 26, Howell, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Many of us shrink as we get
older. It's not the bottom half that shrinks (our legs don't get any
shorter), but rather the top half. As our spine loses moisture and
osteoporosis causes the back to curve over, the distance from the
waist to the head gets shorter. So when it appears that a man is
wearing his pants higher and higher up toward, what may really be
happening is that his shoulders are moving lower and lower down
toward his waist. This curvature of the back can put pressure on the
guts, pushing them outward, contributing even further to the "spare
tire" older men can get, as well as the attempt to pull the pants
above the natural waist.
POSTED MARCH 1, 1999
Judith G. , female, New York , NY
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respond
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THE QUESTION:
GE123: Why do women expect men to
take care of them? Aren't women of all races equally capable of
existing without a "Sugar Daddy"?
POSTED FEB. 28, 1999
Enlightened Female, San Marcos, Ca
ANSWER 1:
Women of all races are
capable of existing without a "Sugar Daddy," but I do not understand
where race comes into this question. I think a lot of women are
trying to be superwomen and enlightened at the expense of their
well-being. I do not advocate a return to the days when we were
discriminated against for being women and had few choices to make,
but I am not going to try to "do it all" just to prove my superiority
as a female. If a woman has a mate who wants to "take care of her,"
what is wrong with that choice for her?
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
Belinda, 51, white female, Orlando, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
Societal pressures, norms and
mores of the here-and-now emphasize from a young age how important it
is to achieve and maintain a perfect figure, perfect hair, perfect
polished skin, etc, all in an attempt to snag a man. Then, once
you've got him, you can kick those heels off and let him take care of
you. Outmoded and unlikely? Yup. Going away any time soon? Nope. Some
women are raised to believe the fairy tale, but few meet Prince
Charming. It's a product of moms who say "You aren't leaving the
house without your hair done, are you?" and dads who want their
little girl to be protected and cared for, which is very sweet and
well-meaning but doesn't necessarily prepare her to be a grown woman
buying her own home and taking care of herself. Those girls who go to
college to get their "MRS Degree" are woefully unprepared for the
bills and the taxman when husband No. 1 hits the road.
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
Kat, single white female with no Sugar Daddy, thank you very much,
Birmingham , AL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Not all women look for a man
to take care of them. My husband died more than 15 years ago. I did
not go on a manhunt to replace him, even though I had friends who
tried to convince me that my sons really needed a father. Although I
did have to postpone my education until my sons were older, I was
able to provide the essentials for them. We did not live in a posh
mansion or eat caviar, but they never went hungry and always had a
roof over their heads. I did not, and still do not, look for a man to
"take care" of me. I am now back in college, pursuing my Phd. in
psychology. If I met someone I could click with, so be it. I have
male friends who volunteer to do the handywork around the house that
I can't do (and there's not much that I can't handle) but they know
I'm not looking for a Sugar Daddy.
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
Angie W., female, 42, University of Kansas <ajwalden@falcon.ukans.edu.com>, Lawrence , KS
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
We must live on different
planets. Once upon a time, there was something we now call a division
of labor, which had to do with which jobs members of each gender were
expected to do. The tradition has been rather fractured in recent
years, and left all kinds of various different arrangements in its
wake. At my home ... well, I bought the house, and until very
recently contributed quite a bit more to the household account than
my husband (we're now contributing equal amounts). I'm the one doing
investing, and I'm also the one who tends to have a lot more money
accessible at any given time, which means I have more of a say in
large financial decisions. I'm also the one who does almost all of
the cooking, and rather more than my share of the rest of the
housework. (OK, cooking is one of my favorite hobbies, and I'm a bit
of a neat freak.) This domestic situation is shared by most of the
young women I know. I like to think we are stumbling closer to some
kind of equity, but it isn't quick, and it isn't easy.
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
Catherine H., female <tylik@eskimo.com>, Woodinville , WA
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THE QUESTION:
R619: I am a 21-year-old Asian
Indian living in America. As you all know, the Indian population is
increasing in America because of the demand for computer specialists.
I read in newspapers that some Americans are attacking Indians in
states like New Jersey and Connecticut. What's the reason? Don't
immigrants have a right to be successful? How long will this feeling
of "foreigners are taking our jobs" continue?
POSTED FEB. 28, 1999
Raghu, 21<wayne19@hotmail.com>, Tallahassee, FL
ANSWER 1:
When I was in college
studying for my degree in electrical engineering, the students from
that region of the world had an elaborate cheating system. As a
result, many incompetent people received degrees. This is what I have
against Asian Indians moving into this country and taking the
available jobs.
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
White male who earned his degree, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
While I do not doubt that you
might have read that in some newspaper at some point, I have to say I
am suprised. I live in New Jersey, and I have not heard of any crimes
committed specifically against Indian immigrants. I am not saying
they did not happen, but they have not been reported in the papers in
my area (which cover north and central New Jersey), nor have any such
crimes been covered on the news. This would suggest to me that crimes
against Indian immigrants are just as likely as crimes against any
other group, or there is a deliberate attempt to take attention away
from those incidents. But for my part, I know of a number of Indian
immigrants working in my area, and none of them have ever had a
problem.
POSTED MARCH 3, 1999
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ
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THE QUESTION:
R580: Why is it that if a black
person says that they only want to date black people, they are
showing racial pride, but if a white person says they only want to
date white people, they are racist?
POSTED JAN. 14, 1999
Hayley, 28, white, straight, Chicago, IL
FURTHER NOTICE:
When white people date only
people who share their interests and background, both ethnic and
class-based, they are being ethno-centered and possibly snobbish, but
not necessarily racist. When white people have a preconceived notion
that no black person can possibly be worthy of marriage, that's
racist. One reason I primarily date black men is that I don't have to
explain certain things to them about complexion, history, oppression,
hair ... it's a long list. Also, I don't have to educate them about
certain realities of racism that our children will face, just by
virtue of living in the United States. It's not that I perceive black
men as "superior." I just assume they have a better understanding of
how history has shaped me, and that's part of what I want in a mate.
Someday, a white man may come along whom I would marry. I haven't
ruled it out. But I think he would have a harder time bridging the
"understanding" gap that I consider important in a mate.
Some black people have very
race-related reasons for their views against interracial marriage.
Some still feel very violated by the continued racism in society and
see whites as "the enemy," either by their actions, or simply by
their position of privilege (this position of privilege isn't always
obvious to white people). Given the history of our country and the
prevalent attitudes toward black people, which have only really
started changing in the last 30 years, I have difficulty calling this
"racist," as in "one race is superior to another."
POSTED FEB. 28, 1999
Lauren, 35, black female, Reading, MA
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THE QUESTION:
G72: What types of punishments do
kids receive in different countries or cultures for misbehaving, or
disobeying their parents? What are specific examples, as well as the
reasoning behind these punishments, and what are some opinions on
which countries have the harshest punishments? Thanks.
POSTED FEB. 25, 1999
Spanish <Lmgause@hotmail.com>, Raleigh, NC
ANSWER 1:
I don't speak for all North
American parents. We have two children, son is 13 and daughter is 6.
When my son misbehaves, he loses privileges. No television, no
computer, or no friends. My daughter would receive similar losses of
privileges. Defiance by either one would require time out in their
room for 6 or 13 minutes, respectively, or instant bed time depending
on the severity of the offense. Persistent defiance would invite a
well-planted spanking on the seat of the pants for the younger one.
The older one would be grounded for a week or more, depending on the
offense. We have expectations of our children. If these expectations
are not met, they lose privileges. Defiance is a much more serious
offense. Most offenses can be attributed to forgetfulness, wilful or
otherwise. However, authority must be preserved if defiance is
exhibited.
POSTED FEB. 28, 1999
Ronald V., 46, male, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
R617: In my experience, it seems
that many East Indians feel they are superior to the rest of the
races in America. I understand that all races have prejudice, but why
does it seem to be so prevalent in East Indians?
POSTED FEB. 24, 1999
J. Bilbrey, 26, white male <slingblade@qconline.com>, Quad-Cities, IL
ANSWER 1:
I am an East Indian, and I am
sure East Indians do not consider themselves superior to any race in
America. Most of them consider themselves very intelligent and,
sadly, think others are idiots! You are probably confusing their
superiority complexes for racism.
POSTED FEB. 28, 1999
East Indian, 21, male, Tallahassee, FL
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