Best of the Week
of Feb. 29, 2004
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of Feb. 29, 2004, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries
from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database
using the search form , or, in the case of
posted before April 24, 1999, in the Original
Archives (all questions from the Original Archives have
been entered into the database as well). In the Original Archives, as
well as in the database, you will find questions that have received
answers, as well as questions still awaiting responses. You are
encouraged to answer any questions relevant to your demographic
background, as well as to ask any provocative question you desire.
Answers posted are not necessarily meant to represent the views of an
entire demographic group, but can provide a window into the insights
of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop
at Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Why is it that Middle Eastern people seem to be the only ones
working at 7-Eleven and Dunkin' Donuts?
POSTED 3/1/2004
Tamika, Bolingbrook, IL, United States,
<Tamika256@aol.com>, 21, Female, Black/African American,
Straight, student, 4 Years of College, Lower class, Mesg ID
2252004103910
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Question:
What would happen if
an Indian female told her parents she was a lesbian?
POSTED
3/1/2004
Lou, Moe, NA, Australia, 28, Female, Church of England,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Student, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID
2262004105029
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Question:
I recently moved to New Orleans from a small town with not many
black people, and one thing I've noticed is that a lot of black
people here have gold teeth. I don't understand why they do this
because I don't think it looks good. Is there a reason they do this?
Is it cultural? Is there some sort of history behind it? Or is it
cheap? Don't mean to sound ignorant, but I've had more than one
friend who has moved here from somewhere else wonder the same
thing.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Brenda, New Orleans, LA, United States, 25, Female, Unitarian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Nanny, High School Diploma, Middle class,
Mesg ID 227200451312
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Question:
What colognes/body
sprays/etc. do women prefer their men wear? Feel free to get detailed
(in the day, in the evening, what types of scents, etc.)
POSTED
1/4/2004
Brandon, Memphis,
TN, United States, 20, Male, White/Caucasian, Straight, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 129200393403
Responses:
I grew up in the
country and around horses. So I prefer male body sprays that have a
'leather' or 'outdoorsy' base to them, such as Stetson or Santa Fe
for the day. For something more formal (read: an evening date), I
like a clean scent that is still 'outdoorsy', such as Drakkar or Cool
Water. Some of my female friends who grew up ocean-side or in the big
city prefer other scents such as Axe or Smalto. My advice also is to
find out what her father wears on a regular basis and steer clear of
it. It may get subconsciously weird for her.
POSTED 3/1/2004
K.C.E., Orlando, FL,
United States, <spathgirl@yahoo.com>, 28, Female, 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 17200462122
One of my favorite
colognes on men is Adidas for men. Tommy also smells pretty good.
Basically, it's sexy whenever a guy wears cologne - as long as it
smells good.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Taunya, Yankton, SD,
United States, <TMKRUSE@USD.EDU>, 19, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, High School Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID
115200420326
Each woman has her own
preference. My mother depises the smell of cologne on men, whereas I
think it's incredibly sexy. But a word of advice to all men: The
natural 'man smell' is the best. You know what I'm talking about,
girls.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Bri, Albany, NY, United
States, <gebhardtb841@mail.strose.edu>, 23, Female,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Mesg ID 1192004111333
It depends on the man.
I like wood or spice scents on my man, partly because they suit his
woodsy personality and partly because they work really well with his
natural chemistry. My brother smells great in LaCoste, which I never
would have thought. Mostly, I think, you need to find a scent that
makes you feel good, because it probably reflects some part of you
that you like to accent. If you ask for samples at a department
store, they will happily give you some so you can test them one at a
time (layering is a really bad idea...) You can also try out scented
oils at body shops or New Age-type stores. Sometimes, a simple scent
works really well. One suggestion: don't overdo it. Anyone bathed in
cologne or perfume is an offense to the senses. You shouldn't
announce your arrival with scent, and it shouldn't be obvious 5
minutes after you leave a room.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Arc, Bloomington, IL,
United States, 40, Female, Deist, White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years
of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 242004100048
Darlin', women are like
night and day. Some of them, I'm sure, don't like any artificial
smells. Some probably like the stuff poured on. I'd say a consensus
among my girlfriends and I would be as follows:
Be clean generally -
clean teeth, clean hair, clean feet. .. clean HANDS.
Generally men's
deodorant is designed to smell good. To us. So go for it. Also a
consensus: Old Spice is good.
Cologne is unnecessary,
but not necessarily unwanted. It should be good quality, used
sparingly ... and maybe most importantly, used far enough in advance
to give it time to blend in with your smell, because that's the real
point. Pity the man who has no scent whatsoever. That's what we
really want, just a "you"-smell.
Good luck. And if she
buys you cologne ... wear it. Duh! You have no idea how many guys
don't get this.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Anna, Rutland, VT,
United States, 18, Female, White/Caucasian, waitress, High School
Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID 2152004112342
My husband tends to
bathe in cologne, no matter what kind he gets for Christmas/birthday.
Because of this, I have hinted to every gift-giver to go with
something that's not that strong and lasts awhile. I leave it up to
them what to get, though. My personal favorites are Clinique Happy
and Drakkar Noir. They just smell great. He used to wear Aspen (not
too bad after an hour), Obsession and, of course, Old Spice. Every
man has his own 'scent,' and I guess it really depends on how the
cologne enhances that. Maybe you could try like 10 sample colognes
and let your partner pick her favorite.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Jo, Lavonia, GA, United
States, <nandajo2u@hotmail.com>, 32, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Domestic Engineer, 2 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 31200440129
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Question:
What traditions or customs do Hispanic-Americans (Cubans,
Mexicans, Puerto-Ricans etc.) feel are most important to maintain
and/or preserve?
POSTED 3/1/2004
David P., Kankakee, IL, United States,
<davidpiacenti@hotmail.com>, 31, Male, Secular Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Instructor, Over 4 Years of College, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 312004100141
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Question:
I have often seen
young Latino men playing with their nipples under their shirts. I
have seen this in public several times. Sometimes they also stroke or
fondle their chests. Anyone else noticed this? Is it a kind of sexual
exhibitionism?
POSTED
2/15/2004
Matt A., Los
Angeles, CA, United States, 31, Male, White/Caucasian, 4 Years of
College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 26200445318
Responses:
Living in a Latin
country, I can tell you this is no sexual exhibitionism. I notice
this too from time to time, and have found myself doing it when
brainstorming and needing to be relaxed. I can't tell you why we do
it - it's instinct, but I believe the effect is for
relaxation.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Juan J., Capital, NA,
Argentina, Male, Mesg ID 2212004111211
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Question:
Why is it so easy
for most people to believe that miracles and visions from God took
place and were valid 2,000 years ago, but not today? Millions of
people around the world base their lives and the lives of others on
books written by men, supposedly dictated by God, but If I had a
vision from God or claimed God spoke to me today, I'd be considered a
fanatic or just plain crazy. Why?
POSTED
2/15/2004
Daniel, Phoenix, AZ,
United States, <originaldan@excite.com>, 34, Male, Deist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Sales, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 27200494531
Responses:
I think you need to
make a distinction between God 'speaking to you' and miracles. Many
people feel that God speaks to them, not in a day-to-day, 'well, God
told me it was going to rain today' way, but in a deeply profound,
personal sense. Some people (priests, nuns, missionaries, etc.) say
God 'called' them to a profession. I don't think these people are
crazy. Miracles are another subject, though. As a Protestant
Christian, I feel that God finished his miracle-making after the
death and resurrection of Christ. Jesus presented us with the way to
live our lives, and heaven is now open for us sinners. I tend to be
extremely skeptical of supposed miraculous events happening today
because often it's a way for someone to cash in on desperate people's
beliefs.
POSTED 3/1/2004
John, Springville, NY,
United States, 22, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 2152004100527
First, people do have
visions/prophecies today, and they are accepted by others when God
speaks to them. It says in 1 Corinthians 14:1 'Follow the way of love
and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy'.
Christians are also told not to treat prophecies with contempt, and
to 'Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.'
(1 Thessalonians 5:20-21)
Second, Jesus wasn't
exactly accepted when he spoke the word of God. Hence his execution.
He was only widely accepted when he rose from the dead - see the book
of Acts for how the situation turned from 11hopeless men to thousands
upon thousands being converted across the world.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Z, na, NA, United
Kingdom, 20, Male, Christian, Student, Mesg ID 218200443433
Who said it was 'easy'
for anyone to believe in those miracles 2,000 years ago? We have had
2,000 years to decide whether they were crazy or whether their
experiences were valid. If you spoke to God, you might spend the rest
of your life spreading His word and then wait for scholars to write
about it hundreds of years after your death (possibly by
crucifixion). I'm going to mangle a phrase that Carl Sagan once said:
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary investigation.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Dave C., Toronto,
Ontario, NA, Canada, 39, Male, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight,
Technical School, Middle class, Mesg ID 222200434248
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Question:
I am a college
student and have often noticed that Asians at school will switch to
an Asian language, most often Korean or Chinese, when white people
approach, even though they speak English perfectly well. Do they not
realize that this is extremely rude?
POSTED
2/15/2004
Raymond G., New
York, NY, United States, 21, Male, White/Caucasian, Student, Mesg ID
212200483216
Responses:
Maybe you're being rude for wanting to know what they're talking
about. Why don't you ask them what they're talking about the next
time that happens and see what response you get? Ever had a private
conversation?
POSTED 3/1/2004
D., Vancouver, British Columbia, NA, Canada, 27, Male, Atheist,
Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Straight, Student, 2 Years of
College, Lower class, Mesg ID 2172004125948
A better question is why is it any business of yours if Asian
people choose to switch to their native language when you approach
them? And why do white people think the world is supposed to come to
a screeching halt because you're approaching a group of people? The
Asians are probably talking about how silly, pompous and
self-important some white people like yourself behave. Do yourself a
favor -- stop worrying about what Asians are conversing about ... and
for God's sake, get over yourself. You are not that important.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Rhonda P. Outlaw, Laurelton, NY, United States, 42, Female,
Lutheran, Black/African American, Straight, Account Rep, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 217200421455
I think the natural tendency is to switch, especially because you
can continue to speak without being conscious about your English - no
matter how perfect it may be. Personally, I find it more offensive
when I'm part of a group and suddenly they start to speak in their
native language. As far as Korean or Chinese are concerned, I'm sure
they do the same among their own kind too, switching between Mandarin
and Cantonese. Among (Asian) Indians, I know some ethnicities like
South Indians tend to do the same.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Diya, Albany, NY, United States, 28, Female, Muslim, from Indian
Subcontinent, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
217200435801
I don't think they do it because a non-Asian approaches. They're
probably just SO comfortable doing it that it becomes habit. They
probably are not trying to be rude. Unless, of course, they're
talking about YOU!
POSTED 3/1/2004
Jay, New York, NY, United States, Mesg ID 218200415921
I noticed that women might tend to do this more often than men,
but that's just out of a preference to keep their conversations
private. I used to go to an international school in Korea, and I
would speak in English to my friends. Even though I was bilingual, I
preferred English over Korean in Korea because my friends could
understand me and I could talk freely about almost anything without
others knowing about what I did after I got drunk. In that culture,
you don't talk about those things in public.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Brian L., Davis, CA, United States, 21, Male, Asian, Straight,
Student, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 221200435348
What I've noticed is that these groups speak in their native
tongue most of the time, not just when an outsider approaches. And in
my opinion it is not rude, though sometimes I wonder if I'm being
talked about, particularly since I'm African American, and relations
between my race and theirs is not the best at times.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Kristina, Washington, DC, United States, 23, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Homemaker, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg
ID 2222004121941
Perhaps they were already speaking in Korean or whatever language
when you approached. How do you know what they were speaking before
you got there? I am Welsh-speaking, at least when I'm back in Wales,
and English people often accuse us of just speaking Welsh to exclude
them (presumably they think we speak English the rest of the time) -
but we are speking it because it's our first language! As I presume
Chinese/Korean is for the students you describe. You wouldn't go to
France and expect everyone to be speaking English, would you? Just
because I live in an English-speaking country doesn't mean my first
language is automatically going to be English.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Jill W., London, NA, United Kingdom, 30, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, exec assistant, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 222200481913
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Question:
How to Iraqi
teenagers live? How do they worship? What do they eat? How do they
deal with constant blackouts and bombings? Do they watch TV? Do they
attend school? What are their houses and bathrooms and yards like? Do
they play sports? What do they do for fun?
POSTED
2/15/2004
Smurf, Greer, SC,
United States, <Dafantasy4u@aol.com>, 18, Female, Christian,
Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Bisexual, student, High School
Diploma, Upper class, Mesg ID 212200491042
Responses:
I have been to the Middle East and have seen how typical Arab
teens live. I can't answer all your questions, but I'll help you with
a few. Most Arab teenagers are Muslims like they're parents, but,
like in every culture, teens are a bit more liberal than their
parents when it comes to religious views. Food: They usually eat
rice. That's the cheapest thing around. If they can get their hands
on meat (which is expensive), it's usually lamb or chicken. No pork.
No shellfish (shrimp, lobster, crab, etc.) because those foods are
religiously prohibited. TV: I doubt most families have TV, but I
could be wrong. TV isn't that popular in the Mideast, but most Arabs
love radios. School: To my knowledge, yes, they attend school.
Living: Houses vary according to family wealth, but the bathrooms are
strange by U.S. standards. To our eyes, it's simply a hole in the
ground with a nozzle. You have to 'squat and aim.' Sports: The main
sport in the Arab world is soccer. Upper class Iraqis and Arabs in
general enjoy horse racing. I wouldn't be able to tell you how they
cope with the blackouts and bombings; sorry, but I hope my
information helped.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Lewis, New York, NY, United States, 28, Male, Agnostic,
Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Mesg ID 229200453403
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Question:
Is it appropriate to
hold the door or go out of my way to help an individual in a
wheelchair?
POSTED
2/15/2004
Joe M., Sioux falls,
SD, United States, Male, Mesg ID 213200433721
Responses:
My girlfriend, a wheelchair user, tells me to wait to be asked if
you're a stranger. Spontaneous pushing of a wheelchair is invasive,
and sometimes very frightening. On the other hand, I open doors for
anyone!
POSTED 3/1/2004
Andy B., St. Albans, NA, United Kingdom, 27, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Middle class, Mesg ID 2202004121840
Putting aside the disability factor for a moment, would you not
hold a door open for an able-bodied person? Just because you are in a
position to help someone who happens to be in a wheelchair doesn't
necessarily mean you are showing pity, but rather expressing common
courtesy. In addition to people in wheelchairs, I've opened doors for
people who are blind, elderly, pregnant, on crutches, with their arms
full, etc.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Murray C, Halifax, Nova Scotia, NA, Canada, 35, Male,
White/Caucasian, Draftsman, Technical School, Upper middle class,
Mesg ID 225200470451
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Question:
I recently saw a
British show where the judges and lawyers all wore white wigs and
colonial-type clothes in court. Everyone else in the courtroom wore
modern clothes. Is this normal, or just for the show I was
watching?
POSTED
2/15/2004
Kare, Herndon, VA,
United States, Mesg ID 215200425858
Responses:
Perhaps not normal - but quite usual. In some courts
(Magistrates', Coroner's, Civil and Family Courts) wigs and robes are
not worn. But in the higher criminal and county courts they remain -
a hangover from the Seventeenth - Eighteenth centuries, when wigs
were the fashion. The black robes of barristers were adopted at the
beginning of the Eighteenth century when the nation was in mourning
for Queen Anne. - I guess they liked the look so much they stuck with
it. By 'colonial' dress, I guess you mean the way we dressed when
North America was a British colony - which would be about the time
that our court dress froze in time. It is still the norm in much of
the rest of the Brtitish Commonwealth - though Canada stopped the
wearing of wigs. There has been recent consultation by government on
getting rid of these archaisms, but, if you'll forgive the pun, the
jury is still out. There are many judges and barristers who value the
gravity and solemnity that the dress lends to proceedings, and not a
few who also appreciate that changing into modern dress at the end of
a trial renders them harder to recognize when leaving the building.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Mark, Oxford, NA, United Kingdom, 40+, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 216200494629
If it was a criminal case, the robes are correct. In cases heard
in public, the barristers will wear black gowns and gray/white wigs
(traditionally horsehair but more commonly nylon). They are worn with
white clip-on 'tabs.' No other fancy dress is required. The judge may
have purple or red robes depending on his seniority. Robes are not
worn in cases heard in private (all cases involving children and
divorce) nor in the magistrates court (the lowest courts, which deal
with less-serious criminal cases). There is currently an ongoing
debate about whether the robes, etc should be scrapped or changed -
however, it can make it easier to spot your 'brief' from a distance.
My friends at the bar also say that prolonged wig-wearing tends to
speed up hair-loss!
POSTED 3/1/2004
Margo, Trowbridge, NA, United Kingdom, 30, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, solicitor, Over 4 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 217200460019
Yep, it's normal - the wigs, etc date back to the 18th century
when our present legal system was founded. I'm not 100 percent sure
why they still wear them, though. I think partly it's a kind of badge
of office. At least the legal system has moved on (slightly) even if
the costumes haven't.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Jill W., London, NA, United Kingdom, 30, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, exec assistant, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 222200483136
Although judges may generally wear the wigs, lawyers are simply
expected to wear suits. although this varies according to the court.
I would think this was just that particular show.
POSTED 3/1/2004
Jen, Leicester, NA, United Kingdom, 17, Female, A.S Level Student,
Middle class, Mesg ID 226200495956
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