Best of the Week
of March 5, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of March 5, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
I have noticed some lesbians are very overt about their sexual
orientation in a way that I have trouble describing. It's sort of
angry, sort of in-your-face. I am not talking about holding hands or
kissing in public. For example, there is a lesbian couple at work who
got into some very graphic dancing at a work party (like mimicing
their sex positions). I guess I don't understand why some lesbians
feel the need to act like, "I'm a lesbian!", when I never see
straight people acting like, "I'm straight!" Can anyone help me
understand this?
POSTED 6/28/1999
Edna, Yonkers, NY, United States, 31, Female, Straight, Teacher, Over
4 Years of College , Lower middle class,Mesg ID 62699100156
Responses:
Did it bother you that it was two women, or that it was people
you knew dancing provocatively? Would you have reacted the same way
to a straight couple from your place of work 'mimicing their sex
positions' on the dance floor? Perhaps you're just not used to seeing
it when it's two women or men. You're fooling yourself when you say
"I never see straight people acting like, 'I'm straight!'" Any
expression of a man and a woman being together - from simply holding
hands or kissing to dancing the Lambada - is their way of saying just
that. Think back how people reacted 30 years ago when they would see
an interracial couple displaying any kind of affection. A lesbian or
gay couple dancing closely - perhaps quite provacatively - is no
different than a straight couple doing the same thing, and certainly
is still much less visible in mainstream society. It's not
necessarily meant to make any statement other than 'we're enjoying
ourselves and being ourselves.' It's a question of society realizing
that there is no difference. The fact that they felt comfortable
enough to be themselves amongst co-workers - especially if you are in
the education profession - says a lot about the environment you all
work in. In most places, that would not be the case. I'm looking
forward to the time when the whole of society could allow gays and
lesbians to feel comfortable about being themselves to the extent
that they allow straight couples to.
POSTED 3/10/2000
Janet, New York, NY, United States, 35, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Educator, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 6309911820
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Question:
When people make fun of mentally retarded people, I wonder if they
(the mentally retarded person) are aware of it? How does this make
them feel?
POSTED 3/8/2000
Katie, Central Square, NY, United States, 15, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, Less than High School Diploma ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 372000111200
Responses
Mentally disabled people are often very aware that others are
making fun of them. And just like anyone else, it hurts. Unless you
were so severely disabled that you could not relate to others (and
would therefore not be out in public or attending even private
affairs), you'd be quite aware that others think of you as 'damaged,'
and many, many mentally disabled people suffer devastating damage to
their self-esteem. If people had any idea of what life is like for
the mentally disabled, they would behave with far more respect and
compassion than they do. When I witness a person 'making fun' of the
mentally disabled, it is clear in my mind who has the true mental
disability.
POSTED 3/10/2000
Sandra, Rosedale, WA, United States, 44, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Upper class,Mesg ID
39200034827
I have a mentally retarded brother, and he is far more sensitive
to people's emotions and attitudes than most 'normal' people I know.
He definitely knows when someone doesn't like him; he responds to
people just like anyone else would. He just responds differently. He
isn't capable of speaking up for himself and 'poking fun' right back
at his attacker. He gets angry and hurt just like anyone else.
Retarded people aren't stupid, you know. Also, why didn't you say
'Making fun' instead of 'poking fun'? That's what it is. Is it only
'poking fun' because they're retarded? Making fun of retarded people
is a horrible thing to do. They can't help the way they are, any more
than you can help the color of your eyes or skin. And while I'm at
it, to people who say 'that's retarded' or 'you're retarded' - cut it
out. You're ignorant.
POSTED 3/10/2000
Anonymous Female, Boston, MA, United States, 32, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, computer analyst, 4 Years of College, Mesg
ID 39200094150
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Question:
Why doesn't the Bible mention dinosaurs? I have been told, "Well,
they didn't know about them back then." Isn't the Bible supposed to
be the word of God? If it is indeed the words of the Judeo/Christian
God, then dinosaurs should be mentioned. Doesn't this prove that the
Bible is a book of parables written by men, who said it was the word
of their god to make people follow it? Also, if the human race was
wiped out by the flood, except for Noah and his family, where do we
get all the different races and the facial characteristics of the
black and Asian races? I don't understand how a religion that
contradicts itself so much, and has so many glaring mistakes could
become so popular.
POSTED 3/9/2000
Sue, Fort Worth, TX, United States, 45, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Mesg ID 39200054328
Responses:
The Bible does not mention every animal that God created by name.
However, in Genesis 1:24, it states that 'God made the beast of the
earth after his kind.' The Bible also states in Genesis 2:20 that
Adam named all cattle, birds and beasts. The word 'beast' includes
several types of large animals. Because of man's sin, God confounded
the languages and scattered the people throughout the earth, hence
the different races. It sounds as if you have been listening to and
believing all sorts of stories about the Bible from people who
obviously don't know what they're talking about. I've heard many
people say there are contradictions in the Bible, but none of them
can name or show me one. Just so you know, there are none, and this
is from someone who has read God's Word through several times ,from
Genesis to Revelations (beginning to end).
POSTED 3/10/2000
Redeemed One, Newport News, VA, United States, 51, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Administrative Coordinator, 4 Years
of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 39200010431
I agree with the point you're making. I think the Christian
religion has been used as a tool of social control for centuries. I
was brought up as a Christian but rejected it at a young age.
POSTED 3/10/2000
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 23, Female, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Accountant, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 310200062900
I'd say there are no dinosaurs in the Bible probably because there
are no archaeologists in the Bible. Dinosaurs were long gone by the
time the Bible was supposedly written. If no one was there to dig
them up, then no one could write a parable about them. And if glaring
mistakes and self-contradiction were truly an impediment to
popularity, we would never even get through our presidential
elections, much less anything else.
POSTED 3/10/2000
Anna, Austin, TX, United States, 28, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
39200044134
The Bible is a book of faith, not a book of science. It is
intended to be a spiritual guide. Fundamentalists believe the Bible
is literal, but many other Christians look for the message behind the
stories. There probably was not a flood that wiped out all of
existence. However, perhaps the message of the story is that some
people are saved, while others are not. Also, there is no reason God
should have included the existence of dinosaurs in a book about how
to live life well. That would be like adding a chapter on geology to
a book about the French Revolution. It is just not relevant.
POSTED 3/10/2000
Laura J., Colorado Springs, CO, United States, 20, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, 2 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 39200045013
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Question:
Why do white women think they have the right to tell any black person
they encounter what to do? In every job I have had (including the
military), white women always had the gall to try and tell me how to
do my job - particularly when their skillset was unrelated to what I
do, or considerably less than mine (15 years' experience). It is even
worse for the few black males in my department. They can't even
respond to these women that they want to be left alone to do their
jobs, or the women will run whining to the department head, stating
they were 'Spoken to in a threatening manner and feel uncomfortable'
- thereby causing even more problems. Why can't they mind their own
business, and let people do the jobs they were trained and hired to
do?
POSTED 3/6/2000
G.E. Long, Chicago, IL, United States, <gelong@usa.net>, 37,
Female, Catholic, Black/African American, Straight, IT Management,
Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 7291999115545
Responses:
I've had managers and bosses that gave bad, unsolicited advice.
I've been micromanaged by idiots in the past. I've had meddling,
irksome co-workers. And I'm white. Perhaps your previous white female
co-workers were arrogant, covertly racist or simply bad managers. I
don't think there is any cultural predisposition for bossiness or
arrogance in white women. Some are; some aren't. Bad managers exist
everywhere across all the borders of race, class, etc.
POSTED 3/8/2000
Lisa, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 24, Female, Episcopalian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Comedien, 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 37200035336
I've never heard of white women being more bossy, if you will,
than other women, but I mind my own business and don't usually like
to tell people anything, much less how to do their job. I'm sorry
that you feel this way, but I hope that you won't let those negative
experiences color your view of people, especially white women, in the
future. I have had many bad experiences with many different kinds of
people, but I try to restrain from making blanket statements about
what kind of people create the entire group.
POSTED 3/8/2000
Charlotte, Charlotte, NC, United States, 31, Female, Presbyterian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Data Management, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 372000103123
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Question:
To people who have been both poor and rich: I read a study that
surprised me: The richest people rated themselves as only slightly
happier than the poorest people. Does that finding hold true for
you?
POSTED 2/29/2000
Gerry, Fort Worth, TX, United States, 34, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Tech Support, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 2252000101338
Responses:
Yes. yes. yes. There is something comforting about coming home to
a neighborhood with paved streets and sidewalks where folks aren't
hanging out on the corner. There is something that makes me happy to
open the refrigerator or the pantry and see food in plenty of supply.
There is something that makes me happy to realize that when my shoes
have holes I can pay to have the shoemaker repair them and not just
stick something water-resistant inside. There is something comforting
about being able to have and run an air-conditioner in the summer and
not worry that if I leave my windows open because of the horrible
heat that someone will come in and harm me. Money has made all the
difference in my world. Money buys safety, and that is a basic human
need.
POSTED 3/7/2000
Anne, North, FL, United States, 39, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Health Administrator, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 35200093416
I won't say this for everyone, but yeah I'd rate happiness as
constant with personality rather than class. I live in a town outside
of Boston filled with housing projects and all of the despair of a
typical American ghetto, but the people I live with are about as
happy as the middle-class kids I go to college with. I think being
poor conditions you to accepting the horrors of life because they
happen to you early and often. We become immune. Of course, you
should allow for the fact that we really don't know what is going
inside anyone's head. I know that I always try and act happy, because
it's not a good idea to alienate people in Charlestown. I will allow
that this just might be a social condition that poor kids in violent
neighborhoods who need 'protection' develop.
POSTED 3/7/2000
Seamus M., Charlestown, MA, United States, 20, Male, Student, Lower
class, Mesg ID 34200062957
Poorest I've been: two years when I made about an eighth of the
federal poverty level for a family of four (I was single for the
first year of it). Richest: about the bottom of the top eighth of the
population. Many spots in between before settling into a regular job
with a paycheck plus a steady business. Now I'm comfortable. I'm a
lot more content now. And the high-income years were fun! Life with
money isn't life without worry, but it's life with less worry, and
that's a lot. So in that sense I'm happier. But in the sense of how
much of a pleasure each day or week is, that's unchanged. You can
enjoy your life or not. Some lives are easier to enjoy, or harder,
but finally you either find things to like or find ways to suffer.
And I have never seen any correlation between how much people choose
to enjoy life and how much they have to enjoy. If you can't taste the
miracle of hot tomato soup after a February day working as a mover's
helper in the rain, you probably can't taste the miracle of a perfect
rack of lamb in a four-star Paris restaurant. I've enjoyed both. So
yeah, rich beats the heck out of poor as an experience - but not
because it makes you happier.
POSTED 3/7/2000
John B., rural area, CO, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, college professor, Over 4 Years of College
, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 2292000114754
Happiness comes from within, not material possessions. When I was
growing up, my family didn't have very much money, and we went
through some very lean times. I used to think that if only we had
more money, everything would be better. Then I became friends with a
girl at school who came from a fairly well-off family. As I got to
know her family, I realized that they were all very unhappy and quite
dysfunctional. I began to appreciate my family. We didn't have much
money, but I always knew I could count on them and that they loved me
no matter what.
POSTED 3/8/2000
Jacqueline C., San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female,
White/Caucasian, Engineer, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,Mesg
ID 372000125327
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Question:
I'm curious about what girls my age want, and what attracts them to
guys. I've spent half my life as a criminal and just recently went
straight and got my GED. I'm going to community college in the
suburbs, and I've found I have no idea how to talk to the ladies out
there. It's kind of funny, a former bad-ass like myself getting
tongue-tied when I talk to relatively sheltered women, but it
happens. I'm reasonably attractive with a jolly Irish way about my
face, but girls are really standoffish when I approach, much more so
than with other guys. Any insight would be much appreciated.
POSTED 2/28/2000
Seamus M., Charlestown, MA, United States, <madskat@home.com>,
20, Male, Straight, Student, High School diploma , Lower class, Mesg
ID 2272000103359
Responses:
Girls want to be treated like people. How would you befriend a
guy in your class? Maybe by talking about how tough an assignment
was, or whether you like the class, or what other classes you're
taking, or the weather, or sports, or politics or whatever! So
pretend the girl is another guy, and with the exception of
eliminating the obvious guy-to-guy stuff like how hot the prof is,
talk to her on that level. It took me a long time to figure out how
to talk to guys, so I know how you feel. Don't think about whether
they'll become interested in you or whatever, just concentrate on
making friends. The other stuff will come with that.
POSTED 3/7/2000
Stephanie, Waterloo, Ontario, NA, Canada, 19, Female,
White/Caucasian, Straight, University Student,. Mesg ID
35200050237
I'm pleased to meet you, because I'm in the same boat. In my high
school years I had an unusually bad reputation (my situation was
different from that of the common thug), and my notoriety got to the
point where there were rumors floating around that I had a closet
full of bodies. For some reason, in certain circles, noteriety equals
prestige. Nobody messed with me, and everyone wanted me on their
side. But the good Lord straightened me out, and now I'm as
upstanding as the next young man. However, when it comes to
'sheltered girls' ... I think I scare them. I'm still rather imposing
(the way I talk, the way I stare, etc.), and my experiences are
strikingly different from that of the average college kid, let alone
a girl who grew up in an upper-middle class suburb and was a
cheerleader. I don't want to date an addict or 'thuggette,' which was
all that was available back in the day, yet my chances seem pretty
slim with 'daddy's little girl.' But I'll tell you something:
consider it advantageous, as in, a 'filtration system.' Only a girl
who is special enough to see past my past and through my demeanor
will be the one for me.
POSTED 3/7/2000
Dan, Los Angeles area, CA, United States,
<aztec_fly@hotmail.com>, 21, Male, Pentecostal Christian,
Hispanic/Latino, student, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 31200015842
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Question:
I seem to notice that a lot of black people have buck teeth, gap
teeth or both. Why is that? Also, I am curious why a lot of black
people seem fascinated with gold teeth.
POSTED 2/28/2000
Lee, St. Louis, MO, United States, Straight, Student, High School
Diploma , Middle class, Mesg ID 2272000113418
Responses:
I can't say for sure, but I would guess that the answer is more
economic than racial. Orthodontic work is very expensive and usually
not covered by insurance. White parents may be better able to afford
braces for their children, while black parents are not. So, it would
seem reasonable that you would see more blacks with buck teeth or
gaps than whites, because they weren't able to afford to have those
problems corrected.
POSTED 3/7/2000
Sara, Lansing, MI, United States, 37, Female, Baptist, Black/African
American, Straight, Manager, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 31200043222
I urge you to examine white people's teeth as hard as you do
'black folks.' You will see those same imperfections, as well as
others. Also, you may have only observed black people who have no
interest in paying for expensive dental work and see their 'gaps' as
signs of character (like the model Laura Hutton and Madonna do). The
gold tooth thing is just a cultural thing, usually among lower-class
black people. There is no explanation for it, other than they think
gold teeth are cool (just like some people think pierced tongues are
cool). And gold looks particularly attractive against darker
skin.
POSTED 3/7/2000
Tish, Newark, NJ, United States, Black/African American, Graduate
Student, Mesg ID 32200083955
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