Best of the Week
of March 11, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of March 11, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book
on Y? is here!
"Why Do White People Smell Like Wet
Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
Order it securely via credit card
Delivery in 2-3 days via Priority Mail
Read the
Associated Press story on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
I was talking to a male friend about whether women really
fantasize about being raped. It's supposed to be one of the most
popular fantasies, but I have my doubts. I think women fantasize
about being seduced and it gets lumped into this category. My friend
says he's actually been with a couple women who wanted to be 'rag
dolls' - slapped, talked to nasty, etc., and that it made him
uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if he was just sending weird vibes
or if many woman are into this. I'd also like to know if anyone has
had sex that ended up with the woman having bruises on her thighs.
You always see this defense in rape trials, but all the woman I've
talked to about it don't buy it. What do the rest of you think?
POSTED 3/12/2001
Li, Brownsburg, IN, United States, Female, Mesg ID
38200192829
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Question:
I am working on a series of paintings that involve the use of
negative stereotypes of all ethnicities. Being white, I am having a
hard time finding many derogatory slurs for white people. For
instance, I had never heard that whites smell like wet dogs when they
come out of the rain until I found this site today. I have heard some
mild ones, but I am in need of more intense imagery. My plan is to
use the stereotypes for tearing down racial barriers. My art is
currently using satirical humor to aid the message's staying power
with the viewer. Please help!
POSTED 3/12/2001
C. Kohrman, Reading, PA, United States, 23, Male, Mormon,
White/Caucasian, Straight, fine artist/illustrator, 2 Years of
College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID 392001100915
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Question:
Why is it that homosexuality and bisexuality are considered
sexual orientations, with some legal protection even afforded for
those identifying with these lifesyles, while other alternative
sexual practices are not classified in this way? For example, is
bestiality a sexual orientation? How about S&M or pedophilia? All
of these supposedly are natural drives within the person who
practices them (including homosexuality) bringing sexual satisfaction
to the participant(s). However, coming out as an S&M participant
would draw disapproval from many people in society, announcing you
are a practicing animal sex participant would probably bring disgust,
and stating pedophilic tendencies will land you on a sex offender
list. So the bottom line is, why is homosexuality considered a sexual
orientation, while none of the other ones are? By the way, I do not
necessarily support any of the mentioned practices here, I'm just
curious about the perceived disparity.
POSTED 3/7/2001
Rich, Washington, DC, United States, 23, Male, Mesg ID
37200181438
Responses:
Many people do accept S&M as a lifestyle. Basically, what
goes on between consenting adults is nobody's business. Animals and
children cannot be considered 'consenting,' nor are they adults. They
are victims. That's the difference.
POSTED 3/12/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 38200130814
Pediophilia and S&M are fetishes, not sexual orientations.
POSTED 3/12/2001
Natalie, New York, NY, United States, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, High School Diploma , Mesg ID
38200155237
I'll give you the benefit of my experience, coming from a
background of having been a censor of Internet pornography.
Homosexuality, bestiality and pedophilia are sexual orientations.
S&M is usually considered to be more of a sexual practice or
fetish - the attraction here is toward the enacting of particular
scenarios, roles and the use of various pieces of equipment, whips,
etc. The gender of the partner may or may not be an issue, though it
usually is. The human being is such a diverse animal that the word
'natural' doesn't seem appropriate - any or all of these
orientations/practices could be 'natural.' There is one fairly clear
distinction, though: Homosexuality and S&M may arouse some
feelings of disgust in some people, but these are orientations where
the sexual activity involves partners who consent freely, and are not
normally harmful. Therefore, these orientations are afforded some
degree of protection. In the case of bestiality, apart from the
revulsion many people feel, the reasoning is that the animal cannot
freely consent to the activity. Similarly with pedophilia, the child
cannot consent freely. It's a question of power relations and
knowledge. It's assumed that the child, when involved with a more
powerful and intelligent adult, is at much greater risk of having his
or her wishes overruled, and of not understanding the full
ramifications of his or her decision.
POSTED 3/12/2001
Ben S., Hobart, NA, Australia, <bscaro@hotmail.com>, 32,
Male, Rosicrucian, White/Caucasian, Gay, Traveler, 4 Years of College
, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 311200170031
Your question indicates a failure to differentiate between one's
sexual orientation and one's sexual behavior. Sexual orientation is a
morally neutral indication of whether one is inclined toward romantic
relationships with members of the opposite sex (heterosexual), same
sex (homosexual) or either sex (bisexual). It does not indicate
whether sexual activity has taken place or will take place; it merely
indicates how your brain is wired to respond sexually to males or
females. On the other hand, the sexual behaviors you have identified
(namely sadomasochism and pedophilia) involve specific sexual
activities that take place regardless or one's sexual orientation. I
would also like to point out that there is a big ethical distinction
to be made between a loving, nurturing relationship between two gay
people, as opposed to the deliberate sexual victimization of
children.
POSTED 3/12/2001
Chuck A., Spring Hill, WV, United States,
<PolishBear@aol.com>, 41, Male, Gay, AIDS educator/radio
announcer, 4 Years of College , Mesg ID 312200172612
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Question:
Do you believe the media is biased politically, racially,
religously or otherwise? As the managing editor of a newspaper, I
strive to be fair in all of our coverage, yet I still hear this
complaint. Sometimes it's obvious that the complainer simply doesn't
want his or her issue covered, period. What do you think?
POSTED 3/12/2001
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, journalist, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 38200185800
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Question:
After speaking with friends who live in Chicago and Maryland,
it's become obvious to me that incomes range from place to place,
sometimes depending greatly on the cost of living. For instance,
$40,000 a year in Chicago does not seem to be middle class, yet it is
in north-central Indiana. The same home one might buy here for
$60,000 would cost at least $150,000 in Chicago, and according to an
article in USA Today, possibly $600,000 in some parts of California.
For people across America, what do you consider lower-class,
middle-class and upper-class? For example, I would define an
individual making less than $25,000 to be in the lower bracket,
between $30,000 and $65,000 to be middle and anything greater than
$100,000 to be wealthy. There's obviously some leeway because of the
age of the individual and number of dependents. I'm curious to see
how that might change depending on the region.
POSTED 3/12/2001
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, journalist, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 38200190431
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Question:
For the past few years I've faced extreme racism from Latinas.
I know of many other black women who have as well. From bumping into
me and hissing 'morena' (which I assume means the N-word) to
approaching me with an attitude of superiority. I've even had some
brag to me that they had a black boyfriend and that black men
preferred them. What's up with that? I'm not a mean person and am not
stuck up, either. Why do so many Latinas give off such an attitude to
black women?
POSTED 3/12/2001
Alea, New York, NY, United States, 21, Female, Christian,
Caribbean-American/Black, Straight, student, 2 Years of College ,
Mesg ID 39200140709
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Question:
I have a straight-acting male friend who I strongly suspect is
gay, but he flirts with me. I am attracted to him, and he obviously
knows it. When his gay friend is around, he is very careful not to
flirt. Should I just ask him if he is gay?
POSTED 3/12/2001
Beth, Fort Worth, TX, United States, 40, Female, Straight,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 311200195723
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