Best of the Week
of March, 12, 20000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of March 12, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
I've noticed that most of the women in my work environment tend to
talk badly about one another. They'll say things like, 'She is waaay
too big to be wearing that skirt.' The guys I hang around with never
say things like that about other guys. Why do girls do this to each
other?
POSTED 3/15/2000
Jose, West Palm Beach, FL, United States, 22, Male, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, Straight, Graphic Design, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 311200023839
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Question:
I have a friend who lives in a quiet neighborhood where there is some
rental property. About a month ago, the place next store was rented
by a black family. Immediately, cars started double-parking in front
of the house, honking their horns until he would come out. This
happens all hours. My friend put up with it for a week, and finally
went over to politely speak with him about the situation. The man
listened to what he had to say about it being a quiet neighborhood
and all, and having to get up and work early in the morning. When he
was finished, the neighbor swore at him, insulted my friend's mother
and threatened him with bodily harm. It was bad enough that my friend
filed a police report, but they would do nothing without witnesses.
Things have gotten worse - beer cans on the hood of his car in the
morning and in the yard and such. This activity does not bode well
for my friend, who owns his home. What happened to the old adage,
'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.'? It would seem to me, if I moved
into a neighborhood, I sure wouldn't wan't to start off by trashing
it, threatening people and insulting people's mothers. Is sensitivity
training available for blacks as well? We have a new upscale
neighborhood here where clotheslines, fences and yardbarns are not
permitted, and the people who move there abide by these rules. This
keeps the neighboorhood and property values up. Is it any wonder why
my friend is worried about his property value plummeting?
POSTED 3/15/2000
Tim, Cincinnati, OH, United States, 45, Male, White/Caucasian,
firefighter, High School Diploma , Middle class, Mesg ID
3132000111931
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Question:
To black women: If a white guy wanted to date you, what would you
say? And do you have a problem when you see white/black couples?
POSTED 3/10/2000
Chad H., Central Square, NY, United States,
<polarisefi@hotmail.com>, 15, Female, Catholic, Black/African
American, Straight, student, High School Diploma, Mesg ID
382000125912
Responses:
Black-white dating, for black women especially, is a very sticky
subject. To the first part of the question of would I as a black
woman date a white man, the answer is that I would not date a man
because he was white. What I mean by this is that while I would not
refuse to date a man who was white if I found him appealing, I am
much more cautious when these situations arise. I have dated a few
white men over the past several years, and it has been my experience
that there are certain motivations for these relationships, not all
of which are 'pure.' I've noticed that there are five types of white
men who date black women: those who are interested because they've
bought into the idea of black women being overly sexualized creatures
with a carnal knowledge that white women don't possess; those who do
it because they view it as 'trendy'; those who do it to try and prove
that they are not racist; those who are simply more attracted to
black women in general; and those who fall for a woman with little
regard to skin color. The difficulty is weeding through it all and
trying to figure where a man is coming from. But overall, I believe
that in this life, finding someone who you click with, that you can
love and who can love you in return is extremely difficult, so when
you find that person you should go for it, and color shouldn't be a
factor. To the second question, it doesn't bother me when I see a
black man with a white woman if it seems they are together because of
love, and not because of status. Often black women become upset at
these relationships because of the tendency of some black men to view
white women as prizes. It happens sometimes that when black men make
a great deal of money, or become famous, they will become involved in
relationships with white women because they view these women as part
of a package of success (nice job, big car, white woman...). At the
same time, the men will view black women as 'less-than' white women,
which of course, inspires anger and resentment in black women. In
addition, some black women view black male-white woman relatioships
as cutting into the (limited) supply of successful black men, which
only increases feelings of hostility.
POSTED 3/13/2000
K.N., Atlanta, GA, United States, 22, Female, Catholic, Black/African
American, Straight, Student, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 310200055127
This response above is a great summation of the dynamics of
interracial dating. Of all the responses I have read on this site,
this one really hits the heart of the subject matter. Beautifully
written.
POSTED 3/15/2000
Marc, Morgantown, WV, United States, 24, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 314200010042
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Question:
I apologize in advance in case this question is crude or insensitive.
It's not meant that way. Simply put, how aware are mentally retarded
people of their situation? Do they realize that there are some things
that are just 'beyond them,' much as I recognize my own ignorance of,
for instance, trigonometry or Sanskrit? And are they troubled by it?
I once knew a dear young man who was severely disabled with Down
Syndrome, but he was one of the happiest and sociable people I've
ever met, a joy to know. I don't think he perceived himself as
'missing out on anything.'
POSTED 3/13/2000
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 39, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 3102000103731
Responses:
There's a difference between being aware of your disability and
being unhappy about it or feeling you are missing out on things. Just
like a person in a wheelchair is that they can't walk, most people
with mental disabilities are aware of their limits as well. There are
many different types and degrees of mental disability, ranging from
mild learning difficulties to severe mental retardation. Just like
'normal' people, the happiness of people with mental disabilities
depends largely on their environment and the type of love, support
and encouragement they receive from their family members and larger
community. One of the kids in a family I grew up with is mentally
retarded. Emotionally and mentally he is about 12 and will probably
not develop beyond that. He has his share of frustrations, but is
basically a happy person. He lives with his sister and her family,
and she helps him with the things he can't do for himself. One phrase
that describes people with mental disabilities well is that they
understand a lot more than they can articulate.
POSTED 3/15/2000
Jacqueline C., San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female,
White/Caucasian, Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 313200062844
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Question:
Do young women join convents and become nuns anymore? I've only ever
seen elderly nuns out and about.
POSTED 2/22/2000
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, Female, Pagan, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Office Manager, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
221200052450
Responses:
I'm 25, and for as long as I can remember I wanted to join a
convent. Last week I started researching different ones to see which
is right for me. I'm not a religious person - I've been an atheist
for a long time now - but it's something I have always wanted to do.
But you are right: So far I too have seen only older women, which is
something I have been a little worried about.
POSTED 3/15/2000
Jessica, Waipahu, HI, United States, 25, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, nanny, Technical School , Middle
class,Mesg ID 3152000120531
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Question:
Do people think that someone who has openly made a 'positive'
generalization about an ethnic group by stereotyping tends to make
'negative' generalizations about the same or other ethnic groups? For
example, someone says: 'Italians are so musical. All the great bands
in Europe have Italians, and when I was in Europe, the Italians were
the best musicians and cooks.' Would this statement indicate that
this person tends to make (but not necessarily openly express)
'negative' generalizations about Italians or other ethnic groups?
POSTED 3/13/2000
Ben N., Los Angeles, CA, United States, 24, Male, Baptist, Asian,
Straight, HR Manager, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
3112000114753
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Question:
Why is it that the title of the book based on the Y? web site -
Why Do White People Smell Like Wet Dogs When They Come Out Of The
Rain? - is acceptable to all races, but if any other race were
substituted for "White People" it would be considered a horribly
racist observation?
POSTED 12/26/1999
Steve, Orlando, FL, United States, 41, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
1225199965443
Responses:
Hair, all hair, absorbs smells, odors, fragrances, etc. All hair
of all life on the planet. So why the difference between
African-Americans and Euro-Americans? The difference is that African
Americans use various oils on their to maintain a certain socially
acceptable level of sheen, shine, appearance and general health of
the hair. Oil seals the hair preventing the absorption of other
fragrances, smells, etc. Europeans avoid all oil in hair, and so it
becomes a fragrance magnet for any fragrances that happen to be
near.
POSTED 3/15/2000
K.W., Indianapolis, IN, United States, 31, Male, Christian,
Black/African American, customer service, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 315200091620
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Question:
I have heard many people applaud the movie The Green Mile. The
whole time I sat through it, while I appreciated the performances, I
was uncomfortable. I felt it was blatantly racist. Am I the only
person who feels this way? I feel like I am an island. I am white; I
would like responses from other races.
POSTED 2/28/2000
Shirlee, Rochester, NY, United States,
<scarlberg1@hotmail.com>, 46, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, librarian, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 227200070119
Responses:
Did it grate on my ears to hear John Coffey talking in that 'Yes
massa' dialect? Definitely. But was it historically accurate? I think
so. As for the film being racist to white people by portraying them
as the bad guys: I don't think so. Sorry to say, but at that time
many white people were the bad guys. This film reminded me of the
true story of a family cousin who was lynched in Louisiana for the
rape and murder of a local white girl with whom he had been friends.
It wasn't until he had been hung on a bridge directly in front of a
church that the truth came out: She had been murdered by her white
stepfather. The whole white town came out for the spectacle. The
sherrif was quoted in the newspapers as saying he just couldn't keep
the mob from coming in the jail to collect him (my cousin). This
didn't occur in centuries past, but during the same time period as
The Green Mile's setting. Depicting historical realities doesn't mean
you are capitulating to stereotypes. Just because we don't like what
happened in the past doesn't mean we should deny its existence.
Besides, Tom Hanks, the other hero of this story, is hardly the image
of the 'evil white man.'
POSTED 3/13/2000
Tiffany H., East Lansing, MI, United States, 25, Female, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, Hearing-impaired, Medical Student,
Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID
311200011339
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Question:
Why is it so diificult to find sexually active seniors in their late
sixties and seventies ?
POSTED 3/13/2000
Ricardo, Rochester, NY, United States, Male, Mesg ID
3122000113132
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Question:
What is the derivation and history of the term 'shine' or 'sunshine'
when used as a derogatory term in reference to a black person? I'm
investigating a workplace racial harassment case in which a white
person greeted a black person by saying, 'What's up, sunshine?' The
black person was offended.
POSTED 3/13/2000
Janet, Denver, CO, United States, 58, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, investigator, Over 4 Years of College ,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 3132000113551
Responses:
The term 'shine' orginated with the shoeshine business. A shine
was a black person who shined shoes. Another term was 'boot black.'
Perhaps the person did not hear the word 'sun' in the term. It's
really a play on words. To call a person a shine is to call them
'boot black' as in skin color. In the segregated days, to be called
black was tantamount to being called a nigger or, worse yet, an
African (because of the stereotypes prevalent in the '30s and '40s
via the Tarzan movies). Also, in those days they had products that
supposedly could 'lighten' the skin, thus adding to the fear and
apprehension of being called 'black.' Also, many advertisers used
blacks as images for their products, such as Aunt Jemima, Gold Dust
washing powder and Niggerhead tobacco. The images were people black
as night, with big lips and protruding eyeballs. Of course blacks did
not wish to be associated with such images, so many called themselves
colored or negro. The term 'shine' is a throwback to those days when
our image of us as a people was distorted, and it caused us great
anguish and shame. Perhaps the person who felt insulted remembers the
shame but probably not the reason he/she felt ashamed. I'm reminded
of a song by James Brown called, 'Down and Out in New York City.' In
it, one lyric goes, 'Here's a dime, boy, give me a shine, boy!'
POSTED 3/15/2000
Will, West Los Angeles, CA, United States, 45, Male, Black/African
American, Straight, Mesg ID 314200072142
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