Best of the Week
of March 18, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of March 18, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
Do women fart? If they do, you'd never know it from hanging
around with them. Me and countless other guys have always wondered if
they do. When a woman is with her close gal pals and nobody is
around, do they just let fly? Or when a woman is walking through the
woods or something all alone, does she let it slide? I mean, I can't
imagine anyone holding it in for their entire friggin' lives! Every
gal I've ever tried to ask either denies that they do, or they think
me a pig for asking. This looks like a place where I could get an
answer for once.
POSTED 3/15/2001
Ernie, Santa Rosa, CA, United States, 28, Male,
Hispanic/Latino, Straight, Electrician, Technical School, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 315200110304
Responses:
Of course women fart. It's a natural body function. The main
difference between men and women that I've noticed is that usually
women hold them until they are away from other people. We can't
figure out why men can't seem to do the same thing. Many women would
be mortified to fart within the smelling distance of another person -
even a stranger. There is a similar thing with spitting - I see men
'hawk a loogie' on the street all the time, and then it sits there on
the sidewalk to gross out everybody who passes by. Why do men do
that? Women have phlegm, too, yet we manage to keep it to ourselves.
POSTED 3/19/2001
Lucy, San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 315200142253
I fart, and think it's funny almost as much as men do. But I
wouldn't let THEM know that. I fart when I'm by myself, in front of
my boyfriend (of three years) or in front of my family. I don't when
sitting around with the gals. Apart from the people mentioned above,
I don't fart in front of anybody, or talk about my bowel movements.
POSTED 3/19/2001
Lauren, Washington, DC, United States, 21, Female, student, 4
Years of College, Mesg ID 315200143535
Everyone passes a certain amount of gas each day. It is vulgar to
do so loudly in front of others. Males and females who are mature
have learned to pass gas silently and gradually so as not to cause
offense. It's not a topic for polite discussion; that's why you've
encountered uneasiness in others when you brought it up.
POSTED 3/19/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 316200161857
Me, fart? Never. Of course we fart! I had a female friend several
years ago who farted around me, and when I finally accidentally let
one slide in her presence, she laughed at my apology and announced to
a friend of ours: 'S. finally farted in front of me! She was so
embarrassed, it was so cute!' For some reason, it is difficult for
some women to admit to normal human functioning; we are unspokenly
taught to hide things like farting and masturbation. By the way, I
saw a comedy routine in which a male comic imitated the urgent way
his wife rushed him out of the house to work in the morning,
hurriedly kissing him goodbye with a slightly pained expression on
her face. The punchline was that she could not ah, do No. 2 in the
restroom until he'd left the house, because it would mar her
femininity if he somehow knew that she excreted just like a man.
POSTED 3/19/2001
S.R., San Antonio, TX, United States, 23, Female, Humanist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, unemployed, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg
ID 3162001120347
Have you been living under a rock the last 28 years? Bodily
functions don't differ that much between males and females, although
females tend not to do it in public.
POSTED 3/19/2001
LaShaquanda, St. Louis, MO, United States, Female, Mesg ID
316200111920
Yes, women fart. I just ate tuna salad with lots of onions, and
I've been farting all afternoon. I let out some pretty rancid ones
sometimes. We also burp, hiccup, pick various body parts and scratch
ourselves. No, we don't do these things in front of other women very
often, except maybe our sisters and moms and closest friends. We're
taught that these normal body fuctions are unacceptable. My father is
a fairly flatulent man, and I didn't realize until I was in
elementary school that it wasn't acceptable to fart in public,
especially for a girl. There are all kinds of ways that women are
taught to hate their normal bodies. We diet incessantly, layer our
faces with makeup, pimple cream and wrinkle cream, color our gray
hairs ... and hold in our farts. The only man I feel comfortable
farting in front of is my fiance, which is no doubt a sign of true
love and trust.
POSTED 3/19/2001
Rhiannon, Eden Prairie, MN, United States, <hyena@visi.com>,
30, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 3172001113450
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Question:
To people with a disability: Does it (or do you let it) keep
you from doing something you really want to do?
POSTED 3/21/2001
Becky C., Bernhards Bay, NY, United States, 15, Female,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Less than High School Diploma,
Middle class, Mesg ID 3212001122951
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Question:
Why are many elderly people afraid of teenagers? Do most of
them think that just because some teens are bad that every teenager
is a drug addict who doesn't care about anyone but themselves?
POSTED 3/23/2001
Azrael, Central Square, NY, United States, 16, Female,
Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Less than High School
Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID 321200115919
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Question:
I have noticed a very curious thing about the personals ads
appearing in my local weekly papers. While the 'women seeking men'
category has ads from women of all ethnic backgrounds - white, Asian,
Latina and African Americans being represented in about equal numbers
- I'd say about 85 to 90 percent of the 'men seeking women' ads are
placed by white men. There is a smattering of African-American men
seeking women, but hardly any Asian or Latino men. This is
particularly discouraging for women like me, who find Asian and
Latino men attractive. Why, then, is it mostly white men who place
the ads? Is there some cultural barrier against non-white men posting
personals ads? By the way, I live in the San Francisco Bay area -
where, if anything, whites are in the minority - so it has nothing to
do with the general population here being mostly white.
POSTED 3/23/2001
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30s, Female, Pagan,
Straight, Office manager/writer, 2 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 321200171604
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Question:
I have always wondered: Do African Americans get suntans?
POSTED 3/19/2001
Cassie, Syracuse, NY, United States, 16, Female,
White/Caucasian, Less than High School Diploma, Mesg ID
3172001115328
Responses:
Yes, blacks tan just as whites and others tan. However, many of
us do not purposely sit and tan, as others do. I've always wondered
why people lie out in the sun to get darker skin. I just don't
understand it.
POSTED 3/21/2001
Mike, Detroit, MI, United States, 20, Male, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, 2 Years of College, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 319200175334
I don't agree with the first response. I know many black people
who purposely tan. My mother, who is a light-skinned black, is one of
them. Also, whites are not the only ones who tan. Most light-skinned
people do - just as many dark-skinned people want their skin to be
lighter. I believe it's just 'something to do' and/or a change. As
far as the initial question, I think it was directed to
'dark-skinned' people, and yes, we do 'tan,' or get darker. I'm
brown-skinned, and in the summer I get a shade darker. I know also
that people from hot countries, including the islands, get lighter
when they come to the United States to live. Another thing, though:
I've never noticed a darker-skinned person 'shedding' or peeling
after getting a tan. I don't understand why.
POSTED 3/23/2001
Alea, Bronx, NY, United States, 21, Female, Christian, Caribbean
black, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 322200120625
I have found that I get a suntan a lot quicker than most white
people I know. I am brown-skinned, and if I sit or walk outside in
the sun for 15 to 20 minutes, I get a noticeable tan that lasts for a
few weeks.
POSTED 3/23/2001
Johnna, Ann Arbor, MI, United States, 25, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Librarian, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
322200112328
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Question:
Why do people call someone with a disability a retard?
POSTED 3/21/2001
Jessica, West Monroe, NY, United States, Female, Mesg ID
3202001123333
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Question:
Why do some people have a hard time accepting the idea of a
loving God who created all things?
POSTED 3/21/2001
Debbie P., Anadarko, OK, United States,
<dkpdoll@hotmail.com>, 38, Female, Jehovahs Witness, Straight,
housewife (social worker/activity director), Over 4 Years of College,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 320200195705
Responses:
First, there is no real evidence of the existence of some
omniscient creator. In fact, if you made a list of criteria for
something to qualify for non-existence, God would meet all the
criteria. Do you believe in the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy? The same
arguments against their existence would apply to God. 'Loving God?'
Why does He allow innocent babies to suffer all over the world?
Religion is just made-up stories people tell their children in order
to explain things they themselves don't understand. With my knowledge
of human nature, I am able to see that religion is just wishful
thinking. People want to believe there is some justice in the
universe and that death is not the end of existence. In this regard,
religion tells people what they want to hear. But the more knowledge
you have of logic and science, the less likely you will be to buy
into such supersition.
POSTED 3/23/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 3222001123404
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Question:
I've never had a girlfriend. I feel frustrated. Maybe it's
because I'm shy, too much of a regular guy or don't go out at night
too often. Are all of my 'disadvantages' strong enough to scare women
away?
POSTED 3/21/2001
Carlos M., Miami, FL, United States, 22, Male, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, Straight, student, High School Diploma, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 321200192640
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Question:
Why does it seem that many members of the Jewish community have
a lot of money, power and smarts? From Einstein to Streisand, and
Hollywood to diamond dealing, where does it come from?
POSTED 3/19/2001
G. Chan, Monréal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 18, Male,
Agnostic, Asian, Gay, student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 316200111512
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Question:
To Latinos: Is it true that 'gringo' isn't a racial slur? Also,
if you speak Spanish and English, do you like or dislike someone
trying to speak Spanish with you? Also, I would like to hear comments
from people who are Chicano but do not speak Spanish. A white friend
of mine went to Salsa night, where the majority of the people were
native Spanish speakers, but when he would say, 'Hola, como estas?',
he would get, 'I don't speak Spanish. Why would you assume that?'
POSTED 3/19/2001
Craig, Minneapolis, MN, United States, 37, Male,
White/Caucasian, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 316200161202
Responses:
Gringo is from griego, meaning a Greek or someone you can't
understand. It's like saying Yankee. It just means where you are
from, a land where fewer people speak Spanish. I've never heard it
except in Mexico or in old movies. The reaction to talking in Spanish
would vary from person to person. A recent Latin immigrant would
appreciate it, but hardly anyone else. My own Spanish is weak and
loaded with slang, so even in Mexico, I'd tell Americans who assumed
I was from there, 'Let's stick to English.' Most of my friends are in
the same boat. I know some people get offended by Anglos trying to
talk in Spanish to them because that implies, 'Oh, Mexicans, they
don't know English. They just got here.' In other words, speaking
Spanish to them unless you were asked to first is almost like calling
them illegals.
POSTED 3/21/2001
A.C.C., W. Lafayette, IL, United States, Mexican and American
Indian, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 319200133300
Gringo is the Latin American equivalent of 'Yankee.' However, the
word 'gabacho' is racist, at least in Mexican Spanish. I think a
'gabacho' is a white fruit that grows somewhere in Mexico. And I
gotta tell you, you really struck a chord when asking about Chicanos
who don't speak Spanish. I cannot speak Spanish at all. Neither can
my parents. I probably know more than my mom just from cuss words I
learned in junior high. My grandparents speak it rather poorly.
However, I do not know how many times someone has approached me
speaking Spanish and I've had to respond with 'no habla Espanol.' I'm
almost apprehensive to go to friends' parties and weddings because I
know their relatives are going to think I'm either a gringado
(whitewashed) or a complete oddity. However, I haven't had a white
person pull that on me yet, though I have had plenty ask if I speak
Spanish. They're often suprised to find I can't speak a lick of it.
You see, most Latinos who are brought up in the United States either
speak very poor, basic or broken Spanish, and there is a growing
segment that can't speak it at all (like me). I've known very few
U.S.-born Latinos who can speak perfect Spanish. In fact, most people
I know who are from Mexico can't speak Spanish as well as they could
when they were little. For instance, a friend came here when she was
10, and her Spanish never progressed beyond that point. Also, with my
friends who are bilingual, someone trying to speak Spanish who isn't
Latino is many times taken as being patronizing. Either that or the
Spanish the person learned in high school is totally out of whack
with the Spanish they were raised with.
POSTED 3/24/2001
Dan, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 22, Male, Pentecostal,
Hispanic/Latino, Student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 321200115333
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Question:
I have a straight-acting male friend who I strongly suspect is
gay, but he flirts with me. I am attracted to him, and he obviously
knows it. When his gay friend is around, he is very careful not to
flirt. Should I just ask him if he is gay?
POSTED 3/12/2001
Beth, Fort Worth, TX, United States, 40, Female, Straight,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 311200195723
Responses:
Ask him, but only if you have no problem with him being gay. If
so, you need to make this clear before asking him, or he may say 'no'
just to be safe. Perhaps you can ease into a relaxed conversation
about homosexuality and give examples to him about how open-minded
you are. He may volunteer that he is gay before you get to asking
him.
POSTED 3/19/2001
Steve, Atlanta, GA, United States, 38, Male, Spiritual,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Activist, Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 317200154635
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Question:
I was talking to a male friend about whether women really
fantasize about being raped. It's supposed to be one of the most
popular fantasies, but I have my doubts. I think women fantasize
about being seduced and it gets lumped into this category. My friend
says he's actually been with a couple women who wanted to be 'rag
dolls' - slapped, talked to nasty, etc., and that it made him
uncomfortable. Now I'm wondering if he was just sending weird vibes
or if many woman are into this. I'd also like to know if anyone has
had sex that ended up with the woman having bruises on her thighs.
You always see this defense in rape trials, but all the woman I've
talked to about it don't buy it. What do the rest of you think?
POSTED 3/12/2001
Li, Brownsburg, IN, United States, Female, Mesg ID
38200192829
Responses:
I think Li is on the money: the 'rape fantasy' is not a fantasy
about rape at all, but rather one based on internalized concepts of
masculine and feminine sexual roles. Taking into consideration how
one defines rape is important. Rape meaning sexual intercourse
perpetrated against a person's will implies that one has a complete
and absolute will. Most of us can admit that the thoughts and
feelings that lie behind our will are usually mixed ones. I can be
excited by the idea of being powerless in a sexual experience, but my
fear of and disgust about having this actually happen as rape are
stronger and take precedence. Therefore, my will can be defined as
against being raped. That doesn't mean I can't fantasize about being
aggressively seduced. If a woman wants to be 'seduced' (in whatever
way that is defined for her), then the rape fantasy is not one of
rape, but of a forceful male 'taking' her - but in the context of her
CHOICE and desire to be taken as a more passive and weaker female.
Her will in this case is not violated.
POSTED 3/15/2001
April, Honolulu, HI, United States, Female, Mesg ID 3142001113024
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Question:
I am working on a series of paintings that involve the use of
negative stereotypes of all ethnicities. Being white, I am having a
hard time finding many derogatory slurs for white people. For
instance, I had never heard that whites smell like wet dogs when they
come out of the rain until I found this site today. I have heard some
mild ones, but I am in need of more intense imagery. My plan is to
use the stereotypes for tearing down racial barriers. My art is
currently using satirical humor to aid the message's staying power
with the viewer. Please help!
POSTED 3/12/2001
C. Kohrman, Reading, PA, United States, 23, Male, Mormon,
White/Caucasian, Straight, fine artist/illustrator, 2 Years of
College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID 392001100915
Responses:
Here are some: craker, casper, white bread, abercrombie boy,
yuppie, wonder bread... Most of the time, whites are portrayed as
police officers who repeatedly beat down minorities and use excessive
force when it is not needed.
POSTED 3/21/2001
Jay, Oxford, OH, United States, <homerj920@atcco.com>, 19,
Male, student, Mesg ID 320200160408
I have heard non-white groups say the following: bunnies
(something having to do with pink toes and other pink body parts),
crackers (whip cracker), the man, the beast, ice people (cold and
ruthless; Caucasions developed this from living in cold climes in
Europe and thus developed a cold, inhumane system of thought, that
is, according to some Black Nationalist ideologies), ofay and monkeys
(due to their straight hair, bright eyes and thin lips). I have heard
many whites say hillbilly, sh**-kicking hick, WT (white trash) and
trailor park trash. Stereotype-wise, it has been said that whites do
not wipe after using the bathroom, are horrible dancers, have no
culture, are heavy drinkers (especially college students), look down
on poor people of any race, are ethnocentric, have high voices and no
rhythm and are unathletic, uncool and copy cats/imitators. Also, that
white women are promiscuous, are born with knee-pads (oral sex), that
many like men of color, and that the men have small penises and are
minute-men in bed. Of course, this is just what I have heard.
POSTED 3/21/2001
Jarrett, Oxford, OH, United States, 19, Male, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 3202001102848
White folks can't dance, have no sense of rhythm and prefer bland
music, food, humor, etc. They are all bigoted, country, rednecks.
They are unathletic and unhip.
POSTED 3/15/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 315200194211
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Question:
After speaking with friends who live in Chicago and Maryland,
it's become obvious to me that incomes range from place to place,
sometimes depending greatly on the cost of living. For instance,
$40,000 a year in Chicago does not seem to be middle class, yet it is
in north-central Indiana. The same home one might buy here for
$60,000 would cost at least $150,000 in Chicago, and according to an
article in USA Today, possibly $600,000 in some parts of California.
For people across America, what do you consider lower-class,
middle-class and upper-class? For example, I would define an
individual making less than $25,000 to be in the lower bracket,
between $30,000 and $65,000 to be middle and anything greater than
$100,000 to be wealthy. There's obviously some leeway because of the
age of the individual and number of dependents. I'm curious to see
how that might change depending on the region.
POSTED 3/12/2001
Brian, Peru, IN, United States, 25, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, journalist, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 38200190431
Responses:
I think one's class is tied into both income and the type of work
they do. As a graduate student living on a very meager fellowship, I
make the same as a full-time fast-food employee, and yet I wouldn't
say we were in the same class. The difference between us hinges on
the fact that our type of labor is different: mine is more cerebral
and independent, and my responsibilities are greater than the
fast-food worker's. But our disposable income is the same, so I
guess, technically, we're in the same class. Where I live, I would
consider a single person living on $15,000 or less low income.
POSTED 3/19/2001
T.R., Newark, NJ, United States, 23, Black/African American, Over
4 Years of College, Mesg ID 317200180041
One of my favorite books - an excellent and hilarious (if not
sometimes painful if you are class-sensitive) take on this subject -
is Class: A Guide Through the American Status System, by Paul
Fussell. As an American, I know very well how touchy this subject is.
I believe Fussell is correct when he explains that one's class is
revealed by everything we do, say and own, and that one's class is
not entirely dependent on how much money one earns. For example,
every time you open your mouth and speak, you unwillingly proclaim
the class to which you belong. Also, such distinguishing traits as
the type of dwelling you live in, your car, your job, how your front
yard appears and is maintained, what you eat, what you drink, your
leisure activities, weight, how many televisions you own and how much
you watch them, what you wear, what you read, where you travel, your
posture, how much you worry about what others think of you, your
education, attitudes and beliefs, even where you live in the United
States, etc. - these all clue others into where you fit in the
complicated American class system. So it's not entirely a matter of
how much money you make, and you cannot simply earn yourself up or
down into another class, because class is mainly a system of learned
behaviors, speech and thoughts that are not easily shed. Attempting
to move into another class is especially difficult because the
classes do not mix well and often seem as though they are from
different planets. Many people (especially the middle class, which is
very afraid of slipping down from its tightly held perch but secretly
yearns to climb higher) are upset by the notion of class in America
because the United States is supposed to be a 'free country' open to
the advancement (social climbing?) of all, but let's face it, the
class distinctions and barriers are there, whether we like it or not.
And there is not just a lower, middle and upper class - there is a
complex spectrum of class levels ranging from bottom-out-of-sight to
top-out-of-sight, with many intervals in between. Fussell does offer
a suggestion for relief from the anxiety of social classes, however:
to join the alternative 'X Class' way out - a class for anyone who
has the intelligence and courage to learn to think for himself or
herself.
POSTED 3/23/2001
Patricia, Antalya, NA, Turkey, 27, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, tour operator, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
322200140645
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