Best of the Week
of March 19, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of March 19, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Why do white people seem to have no pride in themselves or their
culture? By this I mean the white culture at large (not German
American, Italian American etc.). Even in the preface of the book
based on the Y? Forum - Why Do White People Smell Like Wet Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain? - the white guy acts like an
idiot when compared to his wise, all-knowing black friend. Pop
culture, especially TV, seems to latch on to this stereotype as well.
Look at the Y? book again. White people smelling like dogs is an
insult, yet white people laugh it off, some probably saying 'We're
just corny white people.' But if I said black people smell like dirty
underarms, those same white people would chastise me. When did we
become such a joke?
POSTED 3/23/2000
Ronald M., Lowell, MA, United States, 20, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Truck Driver, 2 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 1117199932906
Responses:
When you say 'white culture,' I'm not exactly sure what you mean.
White is very broad and non-specific. The term includes everyone from
a European background - the Irish, Swedes, Italians, Serbians,
Albanians, Poles, the French... The list goes on and on. Even some
people from Argentina and northern Africa are considered white. White
also includes people of many different religions. To lump all of
these people into one category is impossible. So, to take pride in
just being white is meaningless. As for the title of the book: Read
the rest of the title ...and other questions worth a smack on the
head from mom. Besides, I believe it is important to be able to
laugh at ourselves. Everyone needs to let go enough to see the humor
in everyday life.
POSTED 3/24/2000
Jacqueline C., San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female,
White/Caucasian, Engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class,Mesg ID 323200055813
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I don't know much about happiness, but I know I don't feel it. I
don't really have a reason not to - I'm gainfully employed, eat well
and have a roof over my head. However, I have few friends and spend
most of my nights wasting time on the Internet and watching TV. I
feel depressed a lot and don't really have anyone to talk to about
it. I'm actually embarrassed to tell my family. Anyway, if anyone has
the key to happiness, please let me know.
POSTED 3/23/2000
Mickey M., Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, NY, United States, 18, Male,
Catholic, Longshoreman, Mesg ID 322200090541
Responses:
I feel the key to happiness is personal interaction. Talking to
people, going out, etc. You said you don't have many friends, and it
seems you may be a bit insecure? I would make myself 'available' to
whoever was around, even just as a first step. For example, if a
bunch of guys from work are going out, join them. Even if you aren't
crazy about them, you may be able to meet other people while you're
out. Or stop at a book store and spark up a conversation with someone
reading a book that interests you. Just relax and smile. Go out and
have fun.
POSTED 3/23/2000
Danielle, Lakehurst, NJ, United States,
<daniellekoukos@att.net>, 24, Female, White/Caucasian, Systems
Analyst, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
3232000123229
Find a way to do something, no matter how simple, for someone
else. Start small. Then consider volunteering for United Way, Habitat
for Humanity or a similar organization. Best wishes.
POSTED 3/23/2000
Jeff, San Antonio, TX, United States, 45, Male, White/Caucasian, HR
Professional, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,Mesg ID
3232000100826
Does your employer provide coverage to see a counselor? If so, I
highy recommend you take advantage of that benefit. If it's not
covered, seek help from local community centers or your church.
Talking it out with a neutral party can help you zero in on what's
holding you back and/or missing in your life. I have been through
counseling, and even went on to see a psychiatrist to get through
some troubling events in my life (death of my mother, accepting my
sexuality) that were causing me to withdraw from my social life and
isolate myself at home. Happiness is out there, but sometimes it sure
does try to hide. Group therapy and community activism/volunteerism
are also ways to get out and meet others in a non-pressure situation.
Look in the mirror and realize that you are one of God's children,
and as such, you need to take care of yourself. Make the decision to
seek help in breaking the cycle of depression and you will be forever
changed.
POSTED 3/23/2000
Mark B., Dallas, TX, United States, <civic-si@swbell.net>, 39,
Male, UFMCC - Cathedral of Hope, White/Caucasian, Gay, Financial
Analyst, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID
323200084842
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I am a tenth-grade student in the central Square area in New York. I
am doing a project on World War II concentration camps and what is
was like for people. I have a few questons I would like to include in
my project, such as what situations you went through and how that
period of time was for you and your family. Also, what do you think
about prejudices today? Do you feel people are getting better or
worse? And last but definitely not least, do you think history could
repeat itself? Do you feel that people respect you more today? Have
people ever said "Hey I'm sorry about what happend to you and your
family."? Or asked you about what went on? I'm very interested in
what happened in concentration camps, and yes I have learned in
school but I would like to hear it from a survivor.
POSTED 3/22/2000
Christie, Central Square, NY, United States,
<Cheer4cs@aol.com>, 16, Female, White/Caucasian, student, Less
than High School Diploma, Mesg ID 37200014318
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I would like for someone who is either well-versed in the Catholic
religion or who goes to the Catholic Church on a regular basis to
explain to me how the use of idols and repetition of certain prayers
is supported by your religion. Given the commandment in Exodus 20:2
(or 3/4 depending on the Bible version) to not worship any other Gods
nor to make images (idols) of things in the heavens or earth, why do
Catholics believe in having idols of the Virgin Mary and icons of
Jesus? Also, Matthew 6:7 indicates Jesus said that when praying we
should not use 'vain repetitions' or should not say the same things
over and over when praying. However, Catholics recite the Lord's
Prayer and Hail Marys, etc. How does your religion support these
things in reference to what God says about them as recorded in the
Bible? (I know other religions do things such as these, like
Buddhists, but I only know of one religion -Catholicism - that has
the Bible as a guide but partakes of these behaviors.)
POSTED 3/21/2000
Stacey, Boston, MA, United States, <stimply@bigfoot.com>, 27,
Female, computer consultant, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 320200011610
Responses:
There is a strong sense in the Catholic tradition that God's
story of salvation in the Bible is continued in the life of the
Church. Furthermore, this story of salvation has been shown to us
repeatedly through the lives of the Saints. The 'idols' you mention
(pictures, statues, etc.) remind us of the story of salvation. They
are created for the glory of God, who acted through the lives of the
saints, not for the glory of the saints themselves. Repetitive
prayers (for example, the 'Our Father' and 'Hail Mary' in the rosary)
likewise point beyond themselves to mysteries of the rosary. These
mysteries are the Biblical events that make up the life, death and
resurrection of Jesus Christ. The repetitive prayers are a sort of
mantra that helps the person praying to focus on the events of
salvation.
POSTED 3/23/2000
Jeff, San Antonio, TX, United States, 45, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, HR Professional, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 322200072225
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Why is it that black men have such hostility toward black women? As
an African-American woman, age 38, I have encountered this very
extreme hostility (or extreme coldness) from my African-American
brothers. It is displayed in many ways, from making disparaging
remarks about my body to sitting next to me on the subway or bus with
a leg pressed against mine. It is for this reason that I no longer
attempt to have friendships/relationships with African-American men.
This is especially important because I have a son, age 6. If black
men are openly hostile to me, how would they treat my son?
POSTED 3/21/2000
Rhonda O., New York, NY, United States,
<Rhonda_Outlaw@ars.aon.com>, 38, Female, Lutheran,
Black/African American, Straight, Account Representative, 2 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 321200034726
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Why are older Chinese males so obsessed with superstitious cures for
impotence that they have depleted the world population of tigers,
rhinoceras, bears and some forms of marine life?
POSTED 3/21/2000
John, Chicago, IL, United States, 44, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Gay, systems analyst, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class,
Mesg ID 320200025013
Responses:
Your question begs a bigger question: Why do human beings
everywhere feel their needs (medical, dietary, personal or otherwise)
supercede the needs of the environment and other species? I think the
answer to your question is ignorance and/or lack of concern. For
example, if you are a meat-eater, I would ask you a similar question:
Why would you eat meat knowing that acres and acres of rain forests
have to be cleared for cattle to graze? Why would you eat meat
knowing that animal wastes pollute our waters? Why would you eat
another sentient being? Some people don't know the consequences of
their choices, or they do but just don't care.
POSTED 3/23/2000
Cindy, New York, NY, United States, 26, Female, Asian, 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 322200054534
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I have a friend who lives in a quiet neighborhood where there is some
rental property. About a month ago, the place next store was rented
by a black family. Immediately, cars started double-parking in front
of the house, honking their horns until he would come out. This
happens all hours. My friend put up with it for a week, and finally
went over to politely speak with him about the situation. The man
listened to what he had to say about it being a quiet neighborhood
and all, and having to get up and work early in the morning. When he
was finished, the neighbor swore at him, insulted my friend's mother
and threatened him with bodily harm. It was bad enough that my friend
filed a police report, but they would do nothing without witnesses.
Things have gotten worse - beer cans on the hood of his car in the
morning and in the yard and such. This activity does not bode well
for my friend, who owns his home. What happened to the old adage,
'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.'? It would seem to me, if I moved
into a neighborhood, I sure wouldn't wan't to start off by trashing
it, threatening people and insulting people's mothers. Is sensitivity
training available for blacks as well? We have a new upscale
neighborhood here where clotheslines, fences and yardbarns are not
permitted, and the people who move there abide by these rules. This
keeps the neighboorhood and property values up. Is it any wonder why
my friend is worried about his property value plummeting?
POSTED 3/15/2000
Tim, Cincinnati, OH, United States, 45, Male, White/Caucasian,
firefighter, High School Diploma , Middle class, Mesg ID
3132000111931
Responses:
I live in a small town with a population less than 1,000. I have
observed the same occurances daily. Cigarette butts and beer cans in
front yards, loud music being played, honking horns at all hours of
the night, double parking, etc. It disgusts me that people have such
terrible manners and no regard for other human beings. Oh, did I
mention that my husband and I are the only two black people in town?
I don't believe that sensitivity training is necessary...what is
being displayed seems to be a trend in our time: lack of 'home'
training. We live in a generation (regardless of race) where we are
taught not to care about anyone. Movies, television, and music are
filled with 'me-first-and-only' attitudes. These mediums are taking
the place of parental training. What your friend is experiencing is
not caused by his neighbor's race, but by selfishness and apathy.
POSTED 3/21/2000
Sophia, Oxford, IN, United States, 25, Female, Black/African
American, Secretary, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID
3172000123911
I take it your friend is also a white, middle-class (thus
privileged) male who has not considered the reasons people of
repressed backgrounds haven't just slotted into the white man's way
of life. I'm not even from your country and am aware of the race
relations and slave history of African Americans. Australia is no
different in the discrimination and judgments projected by white
ruling class on aboriginal people (traditional inhabitants of this
country). Alcohol-related behavior is often singled out to
demonstrate their supposed moral inferiority, as is their limited
success in achieving the goals of whites, i.e. having a neat house,
impressive annual income, car and 2.3 children. My final point is in
the form of a quote that I can only hope you will consider in your
opinions on this matter: "The joy of creation is in its infinite
diversity and the way in which our individual differences combine to
create meaning and beauty." - Mr. Spock, Star Trek.
POSTED 3/21/2000
Amanda L., Sydney, NA, Australia, <manda_la@yahoo.com>, 28,
Female, White/Caucasian, teacher, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 3162000111518
There are people from every race and society who would, according
to your standards, need sensitivity training. Because one black
person is messy and rude to his neighbors does not mean all blacks
are rude and mean. Just because there is white trash does not mean I
assume as a black person that all white people are trash.
POSTED 3/21/2000
Jon, Windsor, Ontario, NA, Canada, Male, Black/African American, Mesg
ID 3152000113003
I would suggest that if the neighbor attends the class, then you,
too, might benefit from such instruction as well. While I empathize
with your friend's dilemma, I'd argue that it isn't about race. Call
the guy (neighbor) an idiot because he is. Race is irrelevant here.
His behavior is a reflection of him as an individual, irrespective of
his color. Honestly, if he were in an all-black neighborhood, do you
think he'd behave any differently? I have new neighbors, too. I live
in a middle-class neighborhoof in a predominantly white area. My new
neighbors blare their music(everything from Eldrige to Puffy Daddy),
smoke weed that permeates our halls and talk so loudly that when
you're entering your own unit, you can hear the conversation with the
clarity of Sprint. I'd say they're pretty rude because they simply
have disregard for others, period. Their behavior is not predicated
on the fact that they are white. There are plenty of folks who desire
to live in stable, quiet, clean neighborhoods. This reflects values,
not race. If property values do drop, it will be because of property
owners who fail to maintain the aesthetics of the neighborhood, not
because a black family moved in. Sorry, but morons come in all
varieties.
POSTED 3/21/2000
Zawadi, Farmington Hills, MI, United States,
<aquarius9@hotmail.com>, 35, Female, Black/African American,
Publishing, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
315200074036
First, remove the word 'black' from this narrative. Race is not
the question here, behavior is. You say that clotheslines, fences,
etc., are not allowed here. There must be a homeowners' association
(HOA). Does your friend pay dues? If so, there are probably bylaws
against this sort of thing under the general heading of 'peaceful
enjoyment of property' or something like that. If the offensive
neighbor is breaking the HOA regulations, depending on how they are
written, he could be fined or even forced to move. I do know that,
generally speaking, failure to pay dues creates a lien against the
property (i.e., the HOA could take it away from you and sell it to
satisfy the lien); perhaps pertinacious failure to abide by the other
regulations could force similar action. Your friend needs to get an
attorney, the sooner the better.
POSTED 3/21/2000
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 39, Male, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 315200063316
Your opinion was well put, however your attack on blacks is
pointless. Unless you're a racist, I don't think you should have
pointed out the blacks in need of 'sensitivity training.' Not to
mention it's all in how you approach someone. I can't vouch for this
neighbor because I don't know him, but perhaps your friend went over
to his house at a time when either he was displeased or your friend
was angry. Either way, I was with you up until you decided to target
him because of his ethnicity. The best I can offer for advice is to
go talk to him when the time is convenient for your friend and his
neighbor.
POSTED 3/21/2000
Malik D., Ft. Campbell, KY, United States, <buddap@yahoo.com>,
21, Male, Baptist, Black/African American, Straight, Government, High
School Diploma , Middle class, Mesg ID 315200053559
I grew up in a neighborhood that turned from a middle class,
predominantly white neighborhood to an increasingly poor black
neighborhood over about 15 years. The first black homeowners were
mostly middle-class, working professionals. They were quiet, keeping
their properties well-maintained, if not in better condition than the
long-time residents. They were welcomed with open arms, and there was
almost no conflict. About 10 years after black families first started
moving into the neighborhood, the economy of the city fell on hard
times. Many families relocated, and there was a 'die-off' of a large
number of elderly homeowners. Property values plummeted because there
was a growing supply of real estate in an area where demand was
non-existent. Across the tracks, literally, was a predominantly poor
black neighborhood. Some lower-income residents of these areas,
assisted by subsidies and loans, bought houses in the 'good' areas
across the tracks. Absentee landlords also snapped up property, and
were not selective in choosing tenants. There was an influx of
residents from another class, with different behavioral patterns. You
had the stereotypical horns honking, people yelling from the sidewalk
without using doorbells, loud music and so on. Lawns weren't kept up,
and some houses had a lot of in-and-out visitors. These might have
been acceptable behaviors in their original communities, but not in
this middle-class area. Not too shortly afterward, both middle class
white and black homeowners left. It wasn't so much fear of blacks as
it was a culture clash. The yelling and horns honking are not a
'black thing' but a lower-class behavior not representative of blacks
as a whole. Unfortunately, because there's a disproportionate number
of lower-income blacks, some white people make the observation that
all blacks are loud, noise, rude and so on. There are certain
stereotypical behaviors among lower-income whites that aren't too
desirable, either - 'collecting' inoperable vehicles, leaving toys on
the lawn, activities resembling what would be seen on the stage of
the Jerry Springer Show, and so on. Rather than condemn the poster
for 'racism,' let's try to answer this question - why is there a
stereotype that blacks are loud and sometimes inconsiderate of their
neighbors? Stereotypes often have their roots in some actual fact or
form of behavior, so there has to be something behind this
belief.
POSTED 3/23/2000
Dan, Buffalo, NY, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years
of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID 322200044714
This is not a 'black issue;' unfortunately, there are people out
there who just do not want to care about other people's feelings. I
am a black British female, well-educated, brought up in an
upper-class family, living accordingly in a very good area, and have
had the exact same problem with some new neighbors of Caucasion
descent. Every family on my street, which happens to be 99.9 percent
white, threatened this neighbor with court action. I went around with
some tea and cakes plus a smile, and it turned out they were mostly
unaware of exactly what the problem was at first, and when they did
realize what was the problem, they felt too embarrassed and
victimized to approach everyone and apologize. We all want to live in
a nice safe neighborhood, regardless of our color.
POSTED 3/23/2000
Victoria, London, NA, United Kingdom,
<victoriajames_@hotmail.com>, 26, Female, Black British,
Straight, Chartered Accountant, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
class, Mesg ID 322200052802
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Copyright
and disclaimer