Best of the Week
of March 21, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of March 21, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question Code
Key:
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A=Age
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GD=General
Diversity
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RE=Religion
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C=Class
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G=Geography
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SE=Sensitive
Matters
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D=Disabilities
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O=Occupation
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SO=Sexual
Orientation
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GE=Gender
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R=Race/Ethnicity
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THE QUESTION:
GD65: To smokers: Why do you
inflict your smoke on other people in public places such as malls,
restaurants, bus stops, etc.? I don't like breathing cigarette smoke,
but it seems like I don't have a choice sometimes.
POSTED MARCH 26, 1999
C.P., 21, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
RE148: Do Christians think it's
OK to study karate and other martial arts, even though they're so
rooted in non-Christian, Eastern religions?
POSTED MARCH 26, 1999
Norma S., female, Amarillo, TX
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THE QUESTION:
O40: To actors and actresses: Is
it possible to play a role in which you are falling in love with
another person, and not have that affect you emotionally? I know it
is a job, but the kisses that can curl the toes of audiences must
surely curl your toes, as you are an actual participant.
POSTED DEC. 9, 1998
Ronald V., 45, male <draugas@mailcity.com>, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
ANSWER 1:
I'm an actor who studied
under Lee Strasberg for four years. It surely is possible to play a
steamy love scene and not fall in love. In fact, you could very much
dislike the other actor and still pull off a steamy scene. Actors
trained by Strasberg use a technique called "substitution," whereby
we sensorily (through sense memory) create someone in our personal
lives and imbue that person upon the actor we are playing the scene
with. After we're done we can get up and walk away from it and,
though emotionally involved as it may be, we know we "created" it and
it's not reality.
POSTED MARCH 26, 1999
M.P. <muz1113@yahoo.com>, Los Angeles, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R627: Why is it that such a
seemingly large percentage of black people can dance very well?
POSTED MARCH 10, 1999
Kenneth, male <larse005@csusm.edu>, San Diego, CA
ANSWER 1:
I think it is a matter of
priorities and practice. I am black, and for a long time I couldn't
dance. At first I couldn't even keep the beat. I used to think my
sister had all the rhythm genes in the family. But not being able to
dance really bothered me, so I kept trying. I would go every weekend
to the clubs, and instead of doing what everybody else was doing, I
just started moving with the music. Now I can dance just as good as
she can; in fact, I think I dance better than she can.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Brigitte, black female, Inglewood, CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
I just cannot think of
anything blacks cannot do very well. While there will be certain
activities in which one may see proportionally more or less black
involvement - the degree being substantially influenced by a variety
of economic, social and cultural considerations - I cannot think of
any in which there is a black presence but no black excellence.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Floyd L. , 58 , African-American male <lastchild@worldnet.att.net>, Memphis, TN
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
This is just another urban
legend. Blacks are actually terrible dancers. As explained in the
seminal documentary about the film career of legendary white dancer
Fred Astaire, Yo! Yo! Pump up
the Muzak!, blacks cannot
waltz, tango or polka worth a darn. Frustration reached the boiling
point in 1962 with the embarrassment of Chubby Checker's lack of
vertical amplitude while doing the twist. Rather than yield the dance
floor to more graceful whites, however, resourceful blacks decided to
take over the music industry, and achieved their goal following the
breakup of the Osmonds in the 1970s. Blacks then doggedly led pop
music through one failed chapter after another - disco, punk, metal,
grunge, Weird Al Yankovich - until finally finding something they
could dance to - the music you see on MTV today. If you tell two
friends, and they tell two friends, and so on, we can all finally put
this black dancing myth to rest.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
B. Hale, the only bad white dancer in the U.S.A. <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Well, this cracker can't
dance. A gym teacher once told me there are two types of muscle
tissue: short twitch and long twitch, or something like that, and
that how much you have of each is genetically determined. These
tissues have different functions (fine movement, strength, etc.), and
this explained why there were a whole lot of really good runners from
certain areas of the world. I think - and who knows, because I got
this sort of secondhand and without any proof - that those of African
descent have more of one of these kinds than Anglos, and maybe that
has something to do with it. This could all be hooey, too. I have no
idea.
POSTED MARCH 25, 1999
Lorelei, female, Georgia cracker <kmarlowe@roanoke.edu>, Macon , GA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think the answer is in the
culture. In white culture, children are taught that singing and
dancing are for girls, and that sports are for boys. While girls are
sent to ballet, boys are sent to Little League. Any child who dares
to cross these gender roles is labeled a sissy or tomboy. In black
culture, dance and singing is a respected art form with no gender
roles attached, and used in church, in the family, and socially.
There are no restrictions on it, so it is allowed to develop.
POSTED MARCH 25, 1999
Craig, 35, gay white male <cmorris@loft.org>, Minneapolis, MN
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I like gospel music. Years
ago, I listened to a gospel station every morning on my way to work.
The company that makes Aunt Jemima syrup was running a gospel contest
for amateur groups, and one performance was featured every day. You
wouldn't believe what this stuff sounded like. It put to rest,
forever, the idea that blacks have better rhythm, ears for music or
any other talent needed to be a musical success. It also put to rest
forever the idea that whites have other stereotypical talents. Those
of us who do well at something do it well. Those who don't, don't.
That's all there is to it.
POSTED MARCH 25, 1999
Jerry, 65, white male <gmt@GTE.net>, Tampa , FL
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THE QUESTION:
GD64: Discrimination in the
United States has evolved from white-on-black hate to
Hispanic-on-black hate, black-on-Jewish hate, Christian-on-gay hate,
etc. In other words, we have learned our bigotry well. Do people see
this as a progression toward equality through trial and error, or as
a downward spiral to a free-for-all?
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Alma, white lesbian <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner , TX
ANSWER 1:
I do not think bigotry is, in
general, practiced by one group on another (i.e. in one direction
only) and I question whether bigotry evolves. Discrimination, on the
other hand, has obviously changed over time with demographics,
because in order to practice meaningful discrimination, you must have
wealth and/or power. As ethnic groups move large portions of their
populace into the middle class, not only do they acquire the
wealth/power to practice discrimination for their own benefit (thus
lessening the net effect), they also become defined into the norm,
and thus less subject to discrimination from others. In that sense, I
see a gradual creep toward equality. The bigotry of many whites, for
example, toward blacks has always been more measurable, since they
have had control over economic and social institutions through which
widespread discrimination was practiced. But even today you do not
have to dig too deeply into the archives of this site to find
predictable evidence of some black Americans responding
understandably to the bigotry they have faced with anger and
resentment toward all whites.
As for evolution of bigotry, I guess
I have always assumed that the racism toward blacks, Hispanics and
Asians today is no different from the racism toward Irish, Italian
and Eastern European Jewish immigrants in the 19th and early 20th
centuries - the same ignorance-fueled fear and mistrust of anything
or anyone different from yourself. Maybe if there is a difference, it
is that while once it was socially acceptable to preach this hatred
openly, today most people are sufficiently well-educated to know that
doing so today even in vague and euphemistic terms risks making you a
virtual pariah.
Finally, I feel compelled to address
your use of the phrase "Christian-on-gay hate." There is nothing in
Christ's teachings about hate. All these things have tragically been
done by foolish and/or evil men in the name of Christ - but they are
not Christian.
POSTED MARCH 25, 1999
Mark, 32, white male, married, Alexandria , VA
FURTHER NOTICE:
It's all just a variation on
a theme that has existed since the dawn of civilization. Ever since
the tribal period of our shared human past, when different tribes
came into contact for the first time, the Us vs. Them mentality has
existed and flourished. It does not matter how truly similar we all
are. In the end, if we perceive differences, we believe they exist.
Race is just the latest excuse for defining divisions that really
result from cultural diversity. One tribe cannot understand the
beliefs and rituals of another tribe, so it decides that the other,
less understood way must be evil and wrong. This will continue in
some form until the end of time. Only the nature of the division and
the definition of the differences will change.
POSTED MARCH 25, 1999
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I see racism in the United
States as neither a progression nor downward spiral, but as a
constant. Global racism has existed since different races first
encountered one another. For instance, when the Japanese first
encountered whites, the Japanese thought whites were dirty and
disgusting. Arabs once figured black people were scorched and
frizzle-haired because of the hot climate they lived in, and that the
pale Northerners were not quite "done." They thought that only they
themselves were just right. Racism is one of those unfortunate things
that will continue through people's ignorance as long as there are
different races.
POSTED MARCH 25, 1999
Cherie, female, former anthropology student, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Certain people have always
(and probably will always) consider themselves better than groups of
people who are different from them. I believe global communications
are helping expose us to different cultures, opening our minds to
diversity and making it harder for intolerant people to get away with
crimes against others (i.e. the Ku Klux Klan, Matthew Shepard's
murderers, etc.) What used to be covered up now makes national
headlines. I think it's getting better.
POSTED MARCH 25, 1999
N. Smith, 44, white lesbian <ranebow@iname.com>, Butler , PA
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THE QUESTION:
GE126: Is it really possible to
"forgive and forget" when your spouse has been unfaithful?
POSTED MARCH 10, 1999
J., 40, TX
ANSWER 1:
I am only able to forgive and
forget until the next argument. Then the unfaithfulness issue comes
back, and there is a statement like: "You're the one
who was unfaithful." I think that if you are in a relationship you
really want to work out you should not tell if you've been
unfaithful. It leaves the other with anger, disappointment and
possibly guilt, and it does not help yourself, because you still have
the guilt, too.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
HEvaRe, Tilburg, The Netherlands
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THE QUESTION:
G75: Why do some mainlanders
still have no idea Hawaii is part of the United Staes, despite the
fact that A) Hawaii has been under U.S. control for 100 years and a
state for almost 40 years; B) Everyone can speak English; and C) You
don't need a passport to come here?
POSTED MARCH 23, 1999
Reid S., 19, fourth-generation Japanese American, Kailua, HI
ANSWER 1:
Most likely because they're
dumb. I've been to Hawaii seven times and have lost count of the
times I'd meet another tourist and ask where they were from and get
the answer, "I'm from the United States." They never could seem to
understand my answer that it was a strange response, since they were
in the United States. Aloha, and hope to be back in Honolulu, USA,
soon.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Lewis <Lengel@ix.netcom.com>, New York, NY
FURTHER NOTICE:
I grew up in Kailua,
graduated from Kalaheo High School and traveled the world, and I have
never met anyone who doesn't know Hawaii is part of the United
States. People do wonder, however, if I grew up in a grass shack. As
for "everyone speaking English," "pidgen" isn't really an acceptable
form of English (and when your teachers, state politicians and local
news anchors speak it ... need I say more?)
As a side note, the dislike for
"haole" tourists by younger locals doesn't make Hawaii a prime
vacation spot for younger travelers (if they can afford it), and the
extremely high cost of living doesn't allow young people to stay in
Hawaii after they graduate from high school. Hawaii has a lot of
issues to remedy before it can expect people to embrace the idea of
visiting or living there. Funny, it's "home," but I wouldn't
recommend it to anyone.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Kyle, 30, black Hawaiian male <kyllr2v231@aol.com>, San Francisco, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Mainlanders know about
Hawaii. It's New Mexico they think is a foreign country.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
B. Hale, People's Republic of Connecticut <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I think mainlanders know
Hawaii is part of the United States. I'm curious where you got that
impression. As a mainlander who has never known anyone who did not
understand Hawaii's place in the union, I suspect your impression is
somewhat inaccurate. Given Hawaii's importance to the United States
in World War II, everyone should know that it is a state. There's
really no excuse for such scant familiarity with the nation as a
whole, and I'm ashamed to think there are enough people like that to
give you such an impression.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
D.M.M., 24, <donikam@hotmail.com>, Charleston , SC
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Perhaps many Americans do not
know the names of all 50 states. For that, I give public education a
failing average.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Christopher D., 22, male <ngc1977@hotmail.com>, Arlington, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
It's because many mainlanders
are geographically ignorant, and not just about Hawaii. I have met
people who think New Mexico is not part of the United States, that
Alaska is part of Canada and that New York is more than just a city.
I'd bet most people don't know the capital of their own state. I'd
bet many are unsure what state they live in.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Andrew, 35, male <ziptron@start.com.au>, Huntington, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Reminds me of a friend who
placed a business call to a Texas company. She told the switchboard
operator, "This is Portland, Maine." The operator asked, "Is Portland
your first name?" That was back in the '70s.
POSTED MARCH 26, 1999
N. Smith, formerly from Maine <ranebow@iname.com>, Butler , PA
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THE QUESTION:
R635: I understand that in
Eastern Europe there are people of Tartar-Turkomen extraction who
cannot blush. Their respones is to bare their teath in a grimace,
which is often taken as smiling and causes misunderstandings. Does
anyone know if this is true, and can you provide reference
material?
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
Ronald G., 67, male, Lithuanian <gillen@nconnect.net>, Hustisford , WI
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THE QUESTION:
A42: To retired people: What do
you do all day?
POSTED MARCH 18, 1999
C.P., 21, Montreal, Canada
ANSWER 1:
In short, anything we want
to! Have you ever noticed how much cleaner our cars are, how nice the
yards are, how we tend to go off for three or four days at a time? We
also do things like woodwork, handweave, paint, pottery, act, crafts,
remodel our homes, help others, etc. There are some who drink, sit at
the TV and die soon. Lots of us spend years traveling in RVs seeing
the United States up close and personal. Think of a number of things
you would like to do, and then ask if you can afford to do them now;
if not, that is what you would do when you retire. When I was in high
school, I made a list of things I would like to do before I die. I've
done all but two, one of which I will never do. Maybe I'll never
die!
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
C.F., Del Rio , TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
Wow. Where do I begin? My
wife and I have questioned ourselves on how we had found time to work
before we retired. I play golf 3 to 4 times a week, go fishing and
netting, and am cleaning out our back lot (about 200' x 100') of
weeds, trees and palmettos. When this is finished, I need to complete
building a walkway around our house (we are on stilts) and then buy
more oyster shells and finish filling in the driveway. Then there is
church work (I am on the building and grounds committee) for a
congregation of about 30 to 40 mostly older people. My wife plays
bridge 2 to 3 afternoons weekly, serves as ombudsman for Florida
nursing homes and is a member and secretary the local Historical
Society, Garden Club and Presbyterian Women. Then there is the
furniture I am refinishing and ... well, you know, on and on it goes.
I am sure if you are thinking of retiring, there will be plenty of
things to keep you busy if you look for something to do.
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
Phil J., 63, male <JPHILJONES@AOL.COM>, Port St. Joe , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I'm not sure what they do,
but I wish they would take care of their grocery and other shopping
needs during the weekdays, when most of us are at work. Why is it
that they come out after 4 p.m. and on weekends to go to the stores
and malls? This is a real hardship where I live (South Florida). Am I
asking too much?
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
D.S.J., 47, West Palm Beach , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Can I add something to my
original question? I would also like to know what retired people who
are not rich do with their time. I know there are many
senior citizens for whom travelling, renovating their homes, etc. is
financially out of the question.
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
C.P., 21, Montreal , Canada
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THE QUESTION:
GE128: Why do many women, even
when strongly complimented on an attribute, soon change that
attribute, if they can? For example, if you tell a woman you like her
hairstyle, she will no doubt have her hair different within the next
few weeks. You would think a compliment would have the effect of a
woman trying to maintain that certain look. But I do not observe this
to be true, especially in younger women.
POSTED MARCH 18, 1999
W.G., 35, male, Cincinnati, OH
ANSWER 1:
A lot of times women are
competing with each other. From what I see, there are cliques
everywhere trying to aspire to diva-dom. But usually, when women
change something, it's just a way to change things up, something fun.
For example, my greatest attribute was my hair. Then I cut it. It was
definitely too high-maintenance. Now it's back to where it was
before, and I'll keep my hair this way for the rest of my life. It's
a cycle kind of thing, with outside influences. Looking back on what
I did, trying to spite some people was part of it, and it was really
cool to have shorter hair back then, the kind that was barely past
your shoulders.
POSTED MARCH 23, 1999
L. Quinne, Hispanic female <Reina_62@hotmail.com>, Blaine, MN
FURTHER NOTICE:
For me, it's not an
intentional change. I've often gotten compliments on my "peaches and
cream" complexion. Without fail, within a few days, I break out with
acne! As far as hair (or hairstyles) go, my hair grows very fast. As
soon as I get a cut and style I like and that looks good, it grows
out within a few weeks. It's as frustrating to me as it is to you,
believe me.
POSTED MARCH 23, 1999
Chip, 28, single white female, MI
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THE QUESTION:
R632: Why do some Asian people
wear face masks when out in public? I am referring to the surgical or
dust type mask that covers the mouth and nose. I assume it has
something to do with germs or such, but I only see Asians doing this,
wearing them on the bus, in the mall, etc.
POSTED MARCH 18, 1999
White male, 26, Santa Clara, CA
ANSWER 1:
I'm not sure if this explains
the particular situation that you have witnessed, but some strict
vegetarians are so thorough in their effort not to consume/kill other
forms of life that they wear these masks to avoid swallowing bugs. I
realize this may sound strange, but it ties into a complete and
uncompromising respect for life as part of an entire religious belief
system. I know this is practiced among Asian Indians, but I don't
know if that is the population you have seen doing this.
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
D.M.M., 24, vegetarian <donikam@hotmail.com>, Charleston , SC
FURTHER NOTICE:
The people you have observed
wearing masks covering their face and nose may belong to an Indian
community that believes in not killing any germ or small insect
accidently. They are known as Jains and follow the religion of
Jainism. They also follow very strict dietary regimes and are
vegetarian. They also finish their meals before dark so as not to
intake any insect or any type of life form by mistake. The more
strict followers walk barefoot so as not to kill any life under their
feet.
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
Nidhi, 24, Asian Indian <nidhisood@hotmail.com>, St. Louis, MO
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I believe many people wear
face masks due to the smog that accumulates in many large cities. In
places like China that have populations in the billions, the air can
become toxic, so face masks are required.
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
Joe F., male
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
It is my understanding (from
spending a year in Tokyo) that many Asians wear small white gauze
masks over their mouths (and sometimes noses) when they have a cold
or flu, so that they don't spread germs. I am not sure if this is
effective, but regardless is a positive comment about many Asian
cultures' consideration and care for all, rather than just for the
self.
POSTED MARCH 22, 1999
Nate, male <Vagetan@outnet.co.nz>, Auckland , NZ
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I learned, after spending two
years in Japan, that the Japanese wore the surgical masks to avoid
catching what the person next to them might have.
POSTED MARCH 23, 1999
Jerry, male <gmt@GTE.net>, Tampa , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
They wear them because they
have a cold or the flu and do not wish to infect others. I live in
South Korea and can attest to this. Humbly though, I only know this
to be true for Koreans.
POSTED MARCH 23, 1999
Daniel <djh0912@chollian.net>, Kangnung, Korea
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