Best of the Week
of March 25, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of March 25, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book
on Y? is here!
"Why Do White People Smell Like Wet
Dogs
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Question:
To white men: Many times I will catch a white man staring or
smiling at me. I smile back, usually, if I don't have my head in a
book reading. But have you ever stared or smiled at a black girl and
wanted more? Maybe to talk to her? I get this a lot on the subway -
once from a really cute white guy, but nothing more. I guess we both
may have chickened out or something, but I wanted to know, have you
ever done this before, and if so, why did you stop? Did you regret it
later and wish that you had gotten the courage up and spoken?
POSTED 1/12/2001
Angela, Washington, DC, United States,
<ajbrown@rocketmail.com>, 29, Female, Christian, Brazilian,
Straight, Teacher/Writer, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg
ID 111200115630
Responses:
I've had a couple of black females in my life - dating,
non-dating and the 'stare' variety. Here's the story of one of them:
I worked with a black woman who was raised in England and involved in
a long-distance relationship with another non-American black. We
started talking at work about all kinds of high-minded issues.
Underneath, my mind was 100 percent on her. We went to lunch once in
a while, to a few group outings and to movies or dinner. No
hanky-panky, just as friends. On at least four occasions in public
places in and around Washington, D.C., we experienced incidents
involving black guys who felt the need to vocally indicate that they
did not appreciate seeing us together in what must have looked to
them like a 'dating' situation. Mainly the incidents involved
comments in our direction, under their breath, like 'who the blank do
you think you are!?' But she got the same treatment, including long
stares. We ignored the incidents and never discussed them. Her
relationship prevented us from dating, but I know we really dug each
other, and yet I believe we still may not have gotten together.
Here's my theory: if a white girl dates a black guy, she's
open-minded. That's also generally true in the case of Asian/white
relationships. But if a black girl dates a white guy, then, in some
circles, she's sleeping with the enemy, or betraying her race, and at
least a portion of the black community is comfortable enough with
their racism to communicate it in public without any fear of being
called a racist. I'm not saying I'm 100 percent right or that this is
the only reason, but that that's what I experienced in racially
charged D.C. Plus, if I did more than smile at a woman on the Metro,
I'd be concerned she might punch the emergency button and have me
arrested (although I did get one woman's phone number on the Metro
once ... but that's another story).
POSTED 3/26/2001
John, Arlington, VA, United States, 30, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
324200163815
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respond
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Question:
Why does it seem that many members of the Jewish community have
a lot of money, power and smarts? From Einstein to Streisand, and
Hollywood to diamond dealing, where does it come from?
POSTED 3/19/2001
G. Chan, Monréal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 18, Male,
Agnostic, Asian, Gay, student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 316200111512
Responses:
The roots of many Jews in North America go back to the great wave
of immigration from South and East Europe in the early 20th century.
It's likely that members of the Jewish community you have in mind
have been here for three or four generations. They have been able to
settle, open businesses, make money, own real estate and organize on
many levels. As for celebrities and other notable individuals, I'm
sure plenty of them are non-Jewish.
POSTED 3/26/2001
A.V., Brooklyn, NY, United States, 21, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, student, Mesg ID 325200142536
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respond
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Question:
Why do Italian Americans dislike or hate blacks, use derogatory
terms to descibe them such as 'Mullis,' chase blacks out of their
neighborhoods and, in the worst cases, beat them with bats, when to
the best of my knowledge blacks have never done anything to
Italians?
POSTED 3/23/2001
Wam, Baldwin, NY, United States, 36, Male, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 322200120330
Responses:
Because Italians are, overall, congenitally ignorant thugs who
can hardly string two words of English together, but because they had
an empire 1,500 years ago and one of them is responsible for
discovering (more like falling back-assward into) this continent 500
years ago, they think they are entitled to respect. Despite this -
they, the whites who wrote the book on how whites behave - consider
themselves an ethnic minority, and every time they're portrayed in
the media as organized criminals or ignorant thugs, the Italian
Anti-Defamation League (i.e. the Mafia) whines to the media that
that's 'racist,' and that 'if blacks were portrayed that way, no one
would stand for it.' What a joke. In short, most Italians are type-A
personalities who feel the world owes them automatic, unconditional
respect because of accomplishments their
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers made.
And when they see a black guy living the same way in the same
neighborhood as them, it forces them to acknowledge that they aren't
the superior race anymore, and that burns their ass in ways they're
too stupid to express any other way than violently.
POSTED 3/26/2001
Sean, Boston, MA, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 323200131347
Sean, let me guess, you're from Southie, right? I guess I should
assume you're a drunk who beats his wife and kids, since you have an
Irish name. How sad that you feel this way about any ethnic group.
Wam, I disagree with your statements about Italians. People are
people. My family was chased out of South Boston in the '70s due to
busing (we weren't Irish in a predominantly Irish neighborhood).
POSTED 3/27/2001
R., Boston, MA, United States, Mesg ID 327200171003
Saying Italians are 'congenitally ignorant thugs' does nothing to
help the issue. I am not Italian but grew up in a city where there
were a large number of Italians. There was no more animosity between
Italians and blacks than between any other groups. There will always
be some people from one group who do not like some people from
another. Has every Italian you've ever met hated you, or was it just
some? And don't you think there must be some black people who hate
Italians?
POSTED 3/27/2001
Stacey, Durham, NH, United States,
<slehrer@cisunix.unh.edu>, 20, Female, Jewish, White/Caucasian,
college student, Middle class, Mesg ID 327200174247
I'm a little surprised that Y? Forum would post such an
inflammatory message, but I presume it was to play Devil's Advocate
and spark a little INTELLECTUAL discussion of the subject. I think
Sean's perspective stems in large part from his own ethnicity (I'm
only guessing he is Irish) and where he lives. Boston has large Irish
and Italian communities, and as both groups came to the area at
roughly the same time, and experienced many of the same social
problems (inability to get work, ill-conceived stereotypes), they
tended to lash out at each other in the fight to establish themselves
and be recognized as more than second-class citizens. It is just
human nature to want to feel like you aren't the 'lowest man on the
totem pole.' That is where I feel the perceived hatred of blacks
comes in as well. Unfortunately, until the influx of Eastern European
emigres, there was no one else for these groups to feel better than
than American blacks. I do not, however, feel that this continues to
be as great a problem as it has been in the past. At the risk of
sounding idealistic, I am half Irish and half Italian and have a
black boyfriend. While neither of my sets of grandparents were very
happy at first about my parents' marroage (everything is fine now)
and I'm fairly sure that my Italian grandfather (who has passed away)
would have had some issues with my relationship, I think things are
coming together for the people in this country who are open-minded
enough to let them. Of course, there will always be those who fight
progress and change with every fiber of their being; but the
important thing is to not let ignorance pervade yourself, and to try
to fight it in those around you when you have the strength or
opportunity.
POSTED 3/27/2001
Jessica, Framingham, MA, United States, 22, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 4 Years of College, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 327200193058
It sounds like Sean has an intense hatred for Italians. If someone
had used the same terminology for any other ethnic group (black,
Latino, Asian, whatever), Sean would be outraged. He needs to think a
little about what he's saying, and the monitors of Y? Forum should
respond to postings like his. My response to the original question is
that I don't think it has to do with being Italian, but more to do
with insular communities that aren't accustomed to different people
and therefore fear them and make assumptions about their behavior. I
see this in rural communities in the United States and in other
countries such as Japan.
Director's note: From time to time, Y? posts submissions that
push or exceed its standards for non-confrontational dialogue, in
order to ensure that a broad sampling of opinions, no matter how
bluntly worded or potentially divisive, is provided its users.
POSTED 3/27/2001
Eric, Indianapolis, IN, United States, 32, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Engineer/Sculptor, 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 327200193153
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respond
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Question:
To people with a disability: Does it (or do you let it) keep
you from doing something you really want to do?
POSTED 3/21/2001
Becky C., Bernhards Bay, NY, United States, 15, Female,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Less than High School Diploma,
Middle class, Mesg ID 3212001122951
Responses:
I lost my right leg when I was nearly 17. I use a prosthesis
often, but sometimes get out on crutches because I feel more free
that way. There's nothing I can't do, but I might do it in a
different way - like hop across the room carrying two cups of coffee
(takes practice!). I'm a university student, and no one really cares
if I come in on crutches. I can compete in swimming, too - and I've
tried wheelchair basketball. My dad, who was born in China, tells me
that Chinese culture tried to hide disabled people in the past. But
here in Australia, people are out in wheelchairs, or on prostheses.
No one here seems to wear prosthetic arms, but every leg amputee
wears a prosthesis, now without cosmetic covering, because they are
so high-tech and slim. I can't see how such disabilities would stop
anyone.
POSTED 3/28/2001
Justin L., Sydney, NA, Australia, <justinl80@hotmail.com>,
20, Male, Catholic, Eurasian, Straight, amputee, Student, 2 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 327200174146
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respond
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Question:
Why are many elderly people afraid of teenagers? Do most of
them think that just because some teens are bad that every teenager
is a drug addict who doesn't care about anyone but themselves?
POSTED 3/23/2001
Azrael, Central Square, NY, United States, 16, Female,
Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, student, Less than High School
Diploma, Middle class, Mesg ID 321200115919
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respond
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Question:
For about two years, my local newspaper has offered families of
the deceased the opportunity to place a photo in their obituary
announcement. Since then, my totally informal and unscientific review
shows about 10 percent of all obituaries have photos, and of those
that do, about 80 percent are black people. Why do we have this
situation? By the way, my community is about 65 to 70 percent
white.
POSTED 3/26/2001
Robert, Jamison, FL, United States, Male, Unitarian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Professional, Over 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 326200180740
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respond
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Question:
I have noticed a very curious thing about the personals ads
appearing in my local weekly papers. While the 'women seeking men'
category has ads from women of all ethnic backgrounds - white, Asian,
Latina and African Americans being represented in about equal numbers
- I'd say about 85 to 90 percent of the 'men seeking women' ads are
placed by white men. There is a smattering of African-American men
seeking women, but hardly any Asian or Latino men. This is
particularly discouraging for women like me, who find Asian and
Latino men attractive. Why, then, is it mostly white men who place
the ads? Is there some cultural barrier against non-white men posting
personals ads? By the way, I live in the San Francisco Bay area -
where, if anything, whites are in the minority - so it has nothing to
do with the general population here being mostly white.
POSTED 3/23/2001
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30s, Female, Pagan,
Straight, Office manager/writer, 2 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 321200171604
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respond
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Question:
I've never had a girlfriend. I feel frustrated. Maybe it's
because I'm shy, too much of a regular guy or don't go out at night
too often. Are all of my 'disadvantages' strong enough to scare women
away?
POSTED 3/21/2001
Carlos M., Miami, FL, United States, 22, Male, Catholic,
Hispanic/Latino, Straight, student, High School Diploma, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 321200192640
Responses:
Carlos, those aren't bad qualities. Maybe you just have not found
the right woman. They may hold you back a little from being more
forward and going after what you want, but you will find that girl
when the time is right.
POSTED 3/26/2001
Sarah, Redton, MI, United States, 22, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID 324200170115
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respond
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