Best of the Week
of April 6, 2003
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of April 6, 2003, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries
from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s database
using the search form , or, in the case of
posted before April 24, 1999, in the Original
Archives (all questions from the Original Archives have
been entered into the database as well). In the Original Archives, as
well as in the database, you will find questions that have received
answers, as well as questions still awaiting responses. You are
encouraged to answer any questions relevant to your demographic
background, as well as to ask any provocative question you desire.
Answers posted are not necessarily meant to represent the views of an
entire demographic group, but can provide a window into the insights
of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop
at Y?'s guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book on Y? is
here!
"Why Do White People Smell
Like Wet Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
Order it here!
Read the Associated Press story
on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
As a rule, I don't go around telling people that I am gay. I
keep a picture of my galpal on my desk at work, and I talk about us,
what we did over the weekend, etc., openly, and I let people connect
the dots themselves. However, since she has a name that could also be
a man's name, sometimes people get confused and I have to say, 'She's
a woman and we're gay.' Almost every time this happens, straight
people have the same response: 'That's OK' or 'I don't mind' or 'It
doesn't bother me.' Why do straight people feel the need to tell me
it's 'OK' that I'm gay? If I said I was Catholic or Portugese, I
don't think they would reassure me my religion or national origin
didn't bother them. How come no one ever just says, 'Oh' or 'I see'
or 'That's nice.'? I mean, it's not like I'm confessing a deep, dark
secret and hoping that I'll still be accepted.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Jean, Southern California, CA, United States, 38, Female,
Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Analyst, 4 Years of College,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 42200312807
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Question:
Are all the kids out there slackers? That's a question I would
ask myself about young men my son's age. He's 20. I don't ask that
anymore. He left March 19, 2003, to report to the 101st Air Assault
Battalion after spending two weeks at home on leave after Army basic
training and quartermaster school. I have a lot of respect for the
young men (especially my son) who have chosen to enlist to support
our country during these difficult times. You don't need to support
the war in order to support our troops. Slackers? Not on your life.
I'm looking at this generation of young men in a different light than
I did previously, with pride. I'd be interested to know how the young
men of this generation feel about the U.S. military as a viable
option and how they feel about world events. (No, I'm not a
recruiter, just a parent of three young adult children).
POSTED 3/24/2003
Bill, Burlington, VT, United States, 44, Male, White/Caucasian,
Finance, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID
321200335115
Responses:
I feel that young men my age (22) feel that the military is a viable
option. I joined the Air Force three years ago after a semester of
college. I was pretty bored with school and felt that maybe the
military could provide some excitement in my life and even some
opportunity. I was surprised at how many of my friends thought
service to one's country was a great idea. Many have chosen careers
of service as opposed to careers for personal wealth only (i.e.
military, medicine, Peace Corps, FBI, etc.). I am proud to be a
member of my generation - one with deep roots in service above self.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Dustin, Spokane, WA, United States, Male, U.S. Air Force, 2 Years
of College, Mesg ID 324200334255
I'm not in the 'young men' category you requested, but feel I am
qualified to answer your question. I am 23 and pursuing a master's
degree in U.S. military history. Among the people my age I associate
with (of both genders), an utmost respect for the military prevails.
We collectively agree that the best opportunities for guaranteed
success in life are the military and college. Though at times we may
disagree with the policies and directives behind the soldiers, even
those I know who participate in peace protests recognize the
importance of our military - the men and women who so assist our
country deserve great respect.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Jessica, Huntsville, TX, United States, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Graduate Student, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 3282003102122
As a 33-year-old male American living overseas, I have been quite
concerned about the issue of the Iraq war. I have spoken out quite
frequently about my reasons for opposing the war in my own email
circle, and I would like to share with you the outcome of the ensuing
debate that took place. Whether for or against this war, we love and
respect the men and women who serve in the military. We honor them
for their sacrifice by keeping the debate alive and by insisting on a
free and vigorous exchange of ideas. (Notice I didn't say a free and
vigorous media? The state of the U.S. media has become abominable in
its total slavery to ratings and biased reporting.) The principles of
freedom are protected by people like your son. Whatever their
personal reasons may be for joining the military, be it pride and
patriotism, a way to pay for college or to give direction to a
directionless life, the U.S. military servivemen and women are the
unsung heroes of our nation. Thank you for raising a son who has the
commitment and temerity to do what many of us cannot (I am physically
handicapped), and thank you for the strength you must have to see
your son go to war in a place most of us will never see and for
reasons that many of us will never fully understand. God bless you
and your family.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Dave N., Frankfurt, na, Germany, 33, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay,
bad hips/arthritis, Cross Cultural Consultant, 4 Years of College,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 330200343750
I think the greatest thing a person can do is serve in the
military. I spent three years in the Army, serving in the Second
Infantry Division in South Korea. I've since graduated college and
become a lawyer. None of my other accomplishments, however, have
instilled me with with the pride I have for having served my country.
It's nice to know you are so proud of your son. I wish him nothing
but the best.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Mark, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 28, Male, White/Caucasian,
Lawyer, Over 4 Years of College, Upper class, Mesg ID 44200390129
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Question:
A group of black men I work with have recently been in an
argument at work with several women over what they describe as 'nosey
black women who are always trying to get in your business.' They
don't seem to be talking about any person specifically, just in
general. What's up with this?
POSTED 4/7/2003
Alma, Kempner, TX, United States, 49, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, government employee, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 328200370842
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Question:
Why are some people drawn to fringe religions and cults? Even a
dear friend admitted to belonging to a cultish Christian group for
reasons he could not explain. As an atheist, I try to understand it,
but these people seem to need to suspend reality in the comfort of
religion. I was brought up in Catholic schools but never could
embrace religion. I felt like I saw it for what it was.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Andrew, Melbourne, NA, Australia, 30, Male, Atheist, Straight,
I.T. Professional, Technical School, Middle class, Mesg ID
329200332654
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Question:
I am originally from
Ukraine and speak Russian and Ukrainian (there is a difference). Why
do most Americans I meet think the word 'Babushka' means the
kerchiefs (headwear) old Russian ladies wear, when it actually means
old Russian ladies or specifically grandmothers? Where might this
misconception have come from?
POSTED
9/10/2002
Nina, Sacramento,
CA, United States, 28, Female, Pentecostal, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Drafter, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
814200235617
Responses:
I've known for quite a
while the meaning of babushka (having spent time in Russia), and I
find the misconception a weird one that a simple dictionary could
clear up. Then again, many languages take words from other languages
and make up new meanings for them, or simply make up words that sound
like words in other languages and attribute random meanings to them.
While I can't immediately think of an example in English ... one
example is the made-up German word "handy," which refers to a cell
phone.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Vittrad, Chicago, IL,
United States, 32, Female, White/Caucasian, Over 4 Years of College,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 1119200254239
Probably they were
originally called babushka scarves. Then they just shortened it to
babushka. That's why babushka brings to mind an article of clothing
rather than a family member.
POSTED 4/7/2003
John, Chestnut, NY,
United States, Male, Mesg ID 1215200252059
I have no idea, but I
thought that, too. Thanks for clearing it up. Actually part of me
thought they were the head scarf, and part of me thought it was a
word for babies. Hmmm.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Mary Z., Detroit, MI,
United States, 34, Female, White/Caucasian, Straight, technology, 4
Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 12182002114525
I've never heard of
Babushka meaning a handkerchief; I've only heard it being used as a
term of endearment, like 'sweetie' or 'honey.'
POSTED 4/7/2003
Christina, Long Beach,
CA, United States, 22, Female, Mesg ID 46200332012
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Question:
How do you know if you're gay? Is there any way to find out or
help you find out? I live in a community that is very unaccepting and
prejudiced toward gays and lesbians. I think I might be gay, but I'm
not sure. One day I think I like guys and the next I think I like
girls ... and the next I like no one. Can someone give me some advice
for dealing with a prejudiced community and figuring out who I
am?
POSTED 3/23/2003
Allie, n/a, OH, United States, 15, Female, White/Caucasian, don't
know sexual orientation, Less than High School Diploma, Mesg ID
322200390042
Responses:
What you're feeling is a normal part of growing up. If you think you
might be gay, the odds are that you aren't. Gays KNOW that they are
and don't have doubts.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Thomas K., South Orange, NJ, United States, 34, Male,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 325200333947
I'm sorry that you have to deal with prejudice; however, I believe
it is unnecessary to label your sexuality, especially when you are so
young. Allow yourself to be attracted to whomever you are attracted
to; fantasize about whoever you want to. If you must have a label,
choose one after you've had more experience.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Jessica, Huntsville, TX, United States, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Graduate Student, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 3282003102458
Generally, if you think you are gay, you probably are, at least to
some degree. I started questioning my sexuality around your age, and
now I identify as lesbian/queer. There are two things I've learned
about sexuality over the last few years: one, sexual orientation
isn't static; some days/weeks/years I am more attracted to women,
sometimes I am more attracted to men. Two, sexual orientation is best
expressed on a continuum like the Kinsey or Klein scale (do some
searching on google.com for these terms.) I generally feel like I am
a '4' on the Kinsey scale, meaning I am 'predominantly homosexual,
but more than incidentally heterosexual.' That said, all of that
technical talk doesn't really help with the second part of your
question. I grew up in a very conservative Methodist household in
Oklahoma, and I wasn't secure enough in my identity to come out until
I was halfway through college. I came out last year, at 22, and I am
still dealing with prejudice, mostly from my parents. When I did come
out to them, I was armed with a pile of books I'd read and the
support of my friends. You might want to check out the gay &
lesbian section of your local bookstore -- don't be shy! It can give
you a lot of ammunition for dealing with nay-sayers. Take care, and
feel free to email me if you have any more questions.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Stephanie, Norman, OK, United States, <steph@asteph.com>,
23, Female, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, student, Over 4 Years of
College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 330200341844
It's been a while since I was 15, but I remember how you're
feeling right now. You're going through so many changes at this age
that it's hard to be sure about anything - and being on the fence
about your sexual orientation is really scary. The best thing I can
tell you is not to worry about it right now. I know that's easier for
me to say than for you to do. But you'll probably have a miliion
different feelings for people of both sexes before you're clear on
whether you're gay or straight. You're all full of hormones and
stuff, so at any given moment, anyone could seem hot to you. Sexy is
sexy, regardless of gender, and a person who is hot can just plain
stir up feelings. Just pay attention to how different people make you
feel and don't try to suppress or deny your feelings. Just be honest
with yourself about how you feel and don't get freaked out if one day
you're checking out the wrestling team and the next day you're
checking out the cheerleaders. It's natural. And don't listen to
anyone who tells you to have sex with boys and girls to see which you
like best. Experimenting with different people to pick a favorite
will just make you more confused. If you're going to be with someone,
wait until it's someone you care about and who cares about you. Then
it won't matter if it's a boy or a girl because it won't just be
about the sex. And don't try to categorize yourself yet. You're young
and it will all work itself out the way it's supposed to. One day
you'll just know because it will just feel right.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Jean, Southern California, CA, United States, 38, Female,
Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Analyst, 4 Years of College,
Upper middle class, Mesg ID 42200310236
Orientation can change from day to day, so don't worry about it.
Usually, the only people who insist there is one and only one
'correct' orientation have been wounded in some way. It may be that
they are fundamentalists of some sort, or may be so afraid of being
ostracized by their friends that they can't admit that an
'unapproved' attitude can be valid. They mave have been molested or
assaulted and never come to terms with it. You are growing, exploring
and learning. I hope you won't limit yourself by worrying excessively
about what your friends might think. There is no time limit. I have
friends (even older than I) who still don't know! A minority of
people are only straight, some are only gay, and the vast majority
are somewhere in between. Don't be afraid of self-knowledge or
exploration, but stay safe. Especially in small towns, there are
people who will harrass and despise (and even assault) anyone who
dares to think outside the box of their limited norm. Enjoy
masturbatory fantasies, but remember, they are only fantasy. It's
normal for a straight person to have gay fantasies, and vice versa.
Just because a person has a rape fantasy doesn't mean they want to be
raped. If the only way you can reach orgasm is through gay or
straight fantasy, then you're probably gay or straight. No biggie
either way. But don't hurry into sexual activity. Don't mistake being
horny for love. Don't confuse friendship with horny. Use protection.
Don't hurry. Don't worry. Enjoy.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Dave, McCleary, WA, United States, 49, Pagan, mixed race,
transgendered lesbian, philosopher, Technical School, Lower class,
Mesg ID 45200323958
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Question:
If a black foster parent has a white foster child, should they
go to extra lengths to ensure that the child has some access to what
is commonly thought of as 'white' music, movies, etc.,if the main
family and church experiences will be predominantly black? Or will
the kids get enough exposure from outside sources so there's no need
to seek out more experiences?
POSTED 4/7/2003
Katherine, Winston-Salem, NC, United States, 46, Female,
White/Caucasian, social worker, Middle class, Mesg ID
442003100526
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Question:
Why do so many people have a problem with uncircumcised guys,
when that's the way we're born and it's completely healthy and
natural?
POSTED 4/7/2003
Tony C., Flagler Beach, FL, United States, 32, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Gay, production superintendent, High School Diploma,
Lower middle class, Mesg ID 43200320405
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Question:
I'm 19 and went to a dermatologist recently. He said that if I
don't use Rogaine I will be obviously bald, at first glance, in 3 to
5 years (I'm balding in the front, not 'crown balding'). That stuff
is a big hassle and a pain in the butt to use, but I can put up with
it if I have to. But do girls (specifically those 17-25) really care
about baldness at my age? Can I let myself go bald?
POSTED 11/8/2002
Ian C., Broken Arrow, OK, United States, 19, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 116200263841
Responses:
If you get a very short haircut, it will look much better than trying
to keep the remaining hair long. Under no circumstances do the toupee
or combover thing.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Fernanda, Exeter, NA, United Kingdom, 23, Female, White/Caucasian,
Grad student, 4 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
1112200235627
Shave your head and don't look back. Screw Rogaine, let your hair
go bye-bye, and keep it shaved. It's very hot on balding men, i
think.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Amy, Seattle, WA, United States, 32, Female, Mesg ID
1116200250405
Some guys look OK going bald, and others I think should just shave
their entire head. A lot of women think shaved bald heads are sexy,
and most I know can't resist touching them. (They just want to feel
what it's like... and it's good luck) Think of the actor 'Vin Deisel'
(not sure if I spelled his name correctly.) Please don't ever get a
toupee. That just cries 'I'm old' and nobody really likes the 'comb
over' look.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Heather, St. Louis, MO, United States, 26, Female, believe a bit
of a few different religions, White/Caucasian, Straight, Middle
class, Mesg ID 1127200225142
I don't want a bald boyfreind.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Brandy, Lexington, KY, United States, Female, Mesg ID
1127200234551
Look at Sean Connery. He's ancient, bald, and girls my age still
get hot about him. You have nothing to worry about.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Jessica, Huntsville, TX, United States, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Student, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 1212200223736
If you went bald, most girls, including me, would not care.
Sometimes men look sexier with less hair. Most men go bald, and that
is a process of nature. If you feel you are too young, go ahead and
use Rogaine, but don't worry whether girls will not find you
attractive, because there are plenty of us who don't think it
matters.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Kate, Jenks, OK, United States, Female, Black/African American,
Middle class, Mesg ID 1224200253221
Premature gray I can deal with, but balding? No. I agree that if
you don't want to use Rogaine, you need to keep it extremely short.
If your head isn't a funny shape, I would recommend shaving it bald.
Now that's sexy! Whatever you do, in no way should you ever do that
combover thing (it is never attractive). And toupees are a bad idea.
Just let nature take its course and make sure that the rest of you is
in great shape. Take the money you will save on hair products and
invest it on your wardrobe. A bald head is made even sexier by a
great body and a magnificient wardrobe. I think you can pull it off.
At least you're not a prematurely balding female - now that's a
problem.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Aneba, Houston, TX, United States, 22, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
1225200273346
My son is 20 and has thinning hair (he doesn't laugh at dad
anymore). He joined the Army last fall and of course had a really
short buzzcut, almost to the point of being shaved bald. While he was
home between boot camp and advanced training, we went out a few
times, and the girls were constantly checking him out. Of course he
ate up the attention. So try shaving your head or keep your hair very
short. The thinning or balding issue isn't as big a deal. Better yet,
join the service; we need a few more good men (and women).
POSTED 4/7/2003
Bill, Burlington, VT, United States, 44, Male,
Franco/Canadian/American, Finance, Over 4 Years of College, Upper
class, Mesg ID 218200362851
Fear not! My first boyfriend in high school had significantly
thinning hair at 17, and one of the most popular, genuinely
well-liked and crushed-upon guys at my college was seriously balding
(already at crown, hairline racing to meet it). I honestly don't care
about hairline when it comes to attraction, and going by other girls'
reactions to these young men, they don't, either. Personality and
charm will get you a lot more attention than a full head of hair.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Jessica S., South Shore, MA, United States, 24, Female,
White/Caucasian, Teacher, 4 Years of College, Upper middle class,
Mesg ID 328200341257
I'm outside the requested age group, but willing to weigh in. A
few names to consider: Michael Jordan. Ving Rhames. Sean Connery.
Andre Agassi. Confidence is hotter than the best head of hair. I
would tell any man I was interested in not to go the Rogaine route on
my account. Spend the money on clothes instead.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Cari, Austin, TX, United States, 30ish, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, attorney, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 41200360417
I'm out of your requested age range, but before I was 25 I dated a
few men who were balding. I think it can be quite distinguished
looking. Whatever you do, don't try to disguise it with funny hair
styles. I had a male friend who was balding by age 17, and instead of
working with it, he would spike his hair like mad to make it look
more plentiful. Ended up looking more obvious. Like the other
responder, I think shaving your head is a good idea. That can be very
sexy.
POSTED 4/7/2003
Stacey, Baltimore, MD, United States, 30, Female, Jehovahs
Witness, White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 44200313438
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