Best of the Week
of April 11, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of April 11, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from
previous weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question Code
Key:
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A=Age
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GD=General
Diversity
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RE=Religion
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C=Class
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G=Geography
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SE=Sensitive
Matters
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D=Disabilities
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O=Occupation
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SO=Sexual
Orientation
|
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GE=Gender
|
R=Race/Ethnicity
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THE QUESTION:
SE67: What do heterosexual and
bisexual women think about when they fantasize about men? I don't
mean only very sexual fantasies, I mean what are they
thinking when they see an attractive male? i.e. "He's so hot I could
just..."?
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Wondering, closeted non-straight, Miami, FL
ANSWER 1:
"...rub him down with olive
oil, garlic and lemon, sprinkle him with coursely copped basil and
arugula and serve him up on sourdough rye."
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Catherine H., bisexual female, 26 <tylik@eskimo.com>, Woodinville, WA
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
RE151: Here in Austin, the Church
of Scientology seems to recruit more heavily than most other
churches. I often find fliers from them on my car, and members have
approached me when I pass their building to invite me to come inside
and take a "free personality test" or watch a movie about their
religion. Why is this?
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
S.R, white female, 21, Austin, TX
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
GD67: What do people of various
demographic backgrounds think is the single most-important factor in
continuing race-based tension in the United States? Racism? Economic
disparity? Lack of communication and/or understanding? Other
factor(s)?
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
William Y., 54; African American/mixed heritage <yatesw@brevard.cc.fl.us>, Indialantic, FL
ANSWER 1:
I think the reason for much
racial tension is the inability to respect and treasure the cultural
differences between races. It is also the failure to be willing to
let go of grievances and to say I'm sorry for older ones. My
ancestors, for instance, were slave owners (can a man really own
another man?). I found some African Americans who were doing research
on their ancestry who bore my surname. I felt it was important for me
to apologize for the wrong my ancestors inflicted upon their
ancestors, and I did. Much healing and understanding took place on
both sides.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
54-year-old white American male <feagin@home.com>, Columbia, MD
FURTHER NOTICE:
I believe the major
impediment to racial cooperation is the habit militant fringes of all
races have of blaming everything on race. A poor black person has
more in common with a poor white person than he does with a
middle-class black person. People would see this if "racial
advocates" didn't make a living stirring up trouble and then getting
people to support their cause and in the process providing a nice
income for the "advocates," too. I feel that until minoritis adopt a
saner and more rational approach to race relations, the real problems
will remain unsolved, for example the government official who was
forced out of office for using the word "niggardly." This instance
reinforced my feelings that, as a white male, I may be attacked for
anything I say or do, and as long as a minority or female is
involved, I'm wrong no matter what.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
G.B., 32, white male, Detroit , MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Economic disparity. The haves
are scared by have-nots,. and the have-nots resent the haves.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
B. Hale, white have <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford , CT
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
In my view, racial tension
has an awful lot to do with economic inequality, especially in terms
of relations between whites and African Americans. Years of slavery
and legal racism (which ended less than 40 years ago) means a
disproportionate amount of African Americans to this day are poor.
Unfortunately, many white Americans have this
pull-yerself-up-from-yer-bootstraps attitude that African Americans
have to take 100 percent responsibility for eradicating poverty, and
because there's no longer any legal ways that African Americans are
not "equal," many whites fight to eliminate social programs like
welfare and Affirmative Action and equitable school funding to help
African Americans get out of poverty.
If the United States is truly going
to atone for the evils of slavery and things like Jim Crow laws, the
country needs to take responsibility for eradicating poverty as best
we can. Laws that make everybody "equal" are not enough, and alone
this false kind of "equality" fuels racist white sentiments that
African Americans aren't successful because they are lazy, ignorant,
etc.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Rhiannon, 28, white female <rock0048@tc.umn.edu>, Minneapolis , MN
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think the single-biggest
reason racial tension and racism continues to exist is that even many
non-racist people have the false belief that racism is "normal,"
"natural" even "inevitable." If it were normal, natural and
inevitable, it would be inborn. But it isn't. Racism must be taught
and aggresssively forced and reinforced. Believing racism is "normal"
is not only false, it makes apologies and excuses for racism. It is
also a defeatist and fatalistic attitude that helps perpetuate
racism. The same lame excuses were used for slavery: "People have
always been this way; it's only natural." But just as slavery has
ended almost everywhere, there is no reason racism cannot be ended,
or at least become rare. It may not happen in my lifetime, not until
we get rid of these defeatist attitudes, but I hope it will in my
children's.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian, San Antonio , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I think that the biggest
factor in today's society would be a combination of cultural
differences and class struggle, usually marked by economic disparity.
Race has become a very convenient means of dividing people along
cultural boundaries, so we can attribute certain negative opinions we
have about a culture onto people of a given race. Add the class
struggle, and things get worse. Think of the stereotypes you hea:
White people are all rich and racist, and they make sure black people
are kept poor and out of businesses. Black people are all on welfare
and do drugs all day when they are not doing drivebys. Asians are all
ninja math wizards who live with their entire family in one house.
Latinos are lazy and dishonest. All of these stereotypes are based on
culture and class struggles. Of course, when you get right down to
it, it is nothing more than the latest version of the "us vs. them"
mentality. We just draw the lines a little differently every once in
a while.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
John K., 25, white middle-class male <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
R649: I ask this question with
curiosity, not anger: I have observed that many white people
(particularly men) feel superior to those around them. Like, from the
first time they see a person, they exhibit an air of superiority. My
first impression when I meet another person (usually) is that they
are at least my equal, and I usually find out after some time whether
this is true. Why is the first instinct of many whites one of
superiority?
POSTEDE APRIL 16, 1999
Randy H., African American, male, 25, agnostic, Silver SPring ,
MD
ANSWER 1:
When I meet someone new, I
usually have a feeling of questioning and slight paranoia: Wondering
what they are thinking of me, what judgments they are making of me,
how they are perceiving me, and so on. I really believe in "You only
get one chance to make a first impression" and thus am very concerned
with how I am projecting myself when I meet someone new.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
D.M., male 26, white, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE:
Being a white male, I had to
resist my first impulse, which would have explored whether this was
your perception and not reality. However, as I really thought about
it, I have a possible explanation for what you have asked: White
males are hugely competitive. I am sure volumes have been written
about why. However, in a society whose rules were created by white
males, failure is intensely personal for white males. We have
homecourt advantage all the time. We have no one to blame, as
individuals, for having not succeeded in society (not to say that we
don't try to find someone to blame - mothers are convenient!). I find
that projecting an aura of invincibility is a way to further my own
competitive advantage by at least making sure others know I am
confident in myself. Women frequently comment that confidence is an
attractive trait in males. My take on this could be all wet, and is
based on absolutely not one scintilla of research or scientific
evidence.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Steve, 42, male and very confident, TX
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think it has something to
do with the way most white men are raised. We are supposed to be
highly self-reliant and dominant in just about every aspect of our
lives, or so the traditions seem to go. Everything is about emotional
restraint and being better than the next guy. A lot of this comes
from the fact that white men feel they are in constant competition
with others. It might come from European culture, where most of the
influence on society came from the men and women attached to royalty.
In order to increase your position in the eyes of society, you had to
dominate the competition. While that no longer holds true in our
society, that unspoken tradition still seems to hang around.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
John K., 25, white male <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford , NJ
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Randy, are you feeling
insecure around these people and making a perception? Speaking from
age and experience, you will soon learn once you're secure with who
you are that what other people think, feel and believe doesn't matter
to you and what you're trying to achieve. Hey, some black people
project "an air of superiority."
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
43, black female <ANABWI@aol.com>, Plantation, FL
]
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I believe our past
experiences can have a huge impact on how we perceive other people.
The first thing we see, whether we like it or not, is color. It could
be a subconcious thing, or you are hanging around the wrong white
boys. Another possibility is that maybe they are intimidated by you.
The common myth about black men's larger penis size is a major issue
for a lot of white guys. It scares them. There's a lot of other
things, too, but I'm not alotted that much space.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Aimee, 23, white female <aimeeroyer@worldnet.att.net>, Peoria , IL
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I have seen this in many
ethnic backgrounds. I have actually found many black men I have met
to have the same attitude as the white men you are describing. There
are many reasons for this type of action, though. It may be that they
are self-confident - moreso than you or I - and it appears as if they
feel they are better than others. It may also be that they don't have
the self-confidence and are trying to compensate. I try not to judge
people until I know them better, but I know this attitude is hard to
break through.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Stacia, female <sljbuttercup@yahoo.com>, Madison , WI
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Men tend to be status-driven,
meaning a lot of energy goes into establishing a pecking order and
improving one's place in the pecking order. Consider sports and
business organizations and even the way men tease one another - it's
all about rank. Women, in contrast, tend to be connectional, meaning
they seek commonalities and empathies in their relationships with
other women. Check out the work of Deborah Tannen.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
B. Hale, master of all I survey <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford , CT
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Maybe what you are seeing is
formality, not superiority. I have noticed that Hispanics, to some
extent, and African Americans, to an even greater extent, seem more
comfortable than European Americans with becoming familiar with new
acquaintances quickly. Perhaps it stems from deepseated cultural
history. In general, European cultures had a strong history of
feudalism, where your master was probably not of your close
bloodline. You were ruled by a stranger and had to keep a
"respectful" distance. Just a wild guess. I'm not a cultural
anthropologist. Do you notice this reaction when European Americans
interact with each other,or just when interacting with other ethnic
groups?
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Stacee, 30 European-American, female, Houston, TX
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
G68: A while back I moved from a
Miami suburb to the Boston area for college. People here seem less
inclined to greet one another on the street and less courteous in
general. Does anyone have an explanation for this, which many others
have noted as well?
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Alex, 18, white male <purdy@fas.harvard.edu>, Cambridge, MA
ANSWER 1:
It is not so much that people
are less courteous in the Northeast, but that things are quite a bit
faster paced. Boston has been called "The fastest city in the
country" by USA Magazine, and not without reason. If you can get the
average Bostonian to stop and chat with you, you will find they are
the same as anyone else. Granted, we of the Northeast tend to be more
brusque and hurried, but we're really not that bad.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Marc, 18, male, college student and Massachusetts native
<MDeScham@lynx.neu.edu>, Boston, MA
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
R648: Why do most bad drivers
seem to be Asian? I like to think I am a non-bigoted, non-sterotyping
person, yet this is the one area I fail at. Everytime I see someone
not following the law in a car or displaying an obvious lack of
understanding of the rules of the road, or even just a total
disrespect or obliviousness to other cars and pedestrians, the driver
is almost always Asian. Why is this ?
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
D.M., 26, white male, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
ANSWER 1:
Many Asian immigrants are not
used to driving. Many of the immigrants from Hong Kong are used to
taking transit to work, or (at least the ones who are well off) have
chauffers to drive them.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Cynthia, Canadian of Chinese descent, 19, female, Kingston, Ontario,
Canada
FURTHER NOTICE:
Let me suggest to you that
possibly this has something to do with: a) the fact that Vancouver
has an extremely large Asian population, which increases the chances
that you will see an Asian driving badly, and b) you are perhaps more
likely to notice the offense if it is committed by an Asian, and more
likely to attribute it to their race
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
A former Vancouverite
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
"Asian" is an
all-encompassing term. It could mean Chinese, Japanese, Laotian,
Vietnamese and Hmong individuals. If you read the book
The Spirit Catches You and You
Fall Down, it depicts the
Hmong culture exsisting within the American culture. It even talks
about the bad driving. The refugees (mostly adults) do not understand
the written language but have a need to drive, so they devise ways of
passing the test. The reason they need to drive, is to visit family,
which takes a No. 1 priority in their culture - not rules of the
road.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Leah, female, cross-cultures psychology student, Erie, PA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I don't think the question
coming from Vancouver, a city with a large Asian population, is a
coincidence. It is obvious that in an area where there are many
people of a certain category, those people may dominate various
habits and activities, both positive and negative. Here in the
Detroit suburbs, where there are varied genders and nationalities,
bad drivers seem to come in various colors and ages.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Michael Z., 28, white male <Mjick@aol.com>, Southfield, MI
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
R647: Why does it seem that many
First Nations people (natives) speak very slowly?
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
C.P., 21, white female, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
R645: I have seen a lot of rap
album covers, and I notice the rappers are never smiling. Why?
POSTED APRIL 12, 1999
Patrick W., male <pwalsh@bellsouth.net>, Jacksonville, FL -
ANSWER 1:
It is not a
black/white/rap/rock thing. Pop culture has not realized that true
joy does not come from accumulation of material good; therefore they
(successful entertainers) are unhappy. It seems rap stars are the
unhappiest of all successful people. They display this by gunning
their brothers down. Rock stars just commit heroin-a-cide or drown in
a bottle. Popular culture in other parts of the world focuses on
family and self-improvement. If they made albums, they would be
smiling.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Parkman, 31, smiling <parkman_2000@yahoo.com>, West Palm Beach , FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
A lot of the artists feel
the"hard-core" image is what's in and what sells. Most artists are
not smiling because of the content of their work and they have to
stay consistent with the "image."
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Clorinda R., black female, Greensboro , NC
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I believe it has something to
do with the preconceived notion that rappers are supposed to be
tough, and hence the straight face. Or maybe because of the context
of their music, which is about struggling and oppression, they think
the message would get to the audience better if they kept a straight
face.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Ify, black girl, Miamil, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I'd have to disagree with
Parkman in the suggestion that rappers are the most unhappy of all
entertainers. I don't believe any one group is any more or less happy
than another based on the genre of music. And how many times have you
heard a true story of a rapper, once in the profession, committing
murder? I believe the straight face represents the hardcore image
that sells worldwide. A smile softens that image. Ask the Hanson
brothers. It all depends on the market.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
Jacquel, African-American, 20, Chicago, IL
To
respond
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TOP
THE QUESTION:
SO13: Do lesbians enjoy
looking at nude, pornographic pictures of women as much as men
do?
POSTED MARCH 23, 1998
Don B., Brunswick, Ga.
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I will not look away from a
nude picture of a woman, because I think women have beautiful bodies.
I also look at nudes to critique a body, just as a lot of others do -
"Nice legs! Whoa, is that a pimple on her buttock?" The only time I
look at porn is if someone else (usually my male neighbor) is looking
at it while I'm around. I don't watch for long, but when I do, I'm
usually clowning the sex scenes - "Ha ha wow, that girl looks mighty
uncomfortable." I never get sexual pleasure out of looking at
pornography, but I usually do get a good laugh.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Chrissy, 21 lesbian <chrissy@home.com>, San Diego, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I am a a bisexual woman who
gets very turned on by watching pornography. It is one of the traits
my boyfriend likes about me. I get more turned on by the lesbian than
heterosexual scenes. I think it is because women know what women
like, so they understand more of what they are doing and it is
usually not as harsh-looking as the heterosexual sex in porns.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
27-year-old, just realizing I'm a bisexual female, Erie , PA
To
respond
BACK TO
TOP
THE QUESTION:
RE150: As a 21-year-old female
who was born Jewish but never practiced, I am beginning to explore
other religions in hopes of finding one that suits my beliefs. I am
considering Catholicism. Do Christians see converts as "true and
equal Christians," or will I never be truly accepted as one of them?
POSTED APRIL 8, 1999
Kate, 21, female, Ithaca, NY
ANSWER 1:
I don't know if this answers
your question, but there is an old Yiddish expression that might. "If
you ever forget that you are a Jew, a gentile will remind you." Being
a Jew is part of who you are. Explore your Judaism. Speak with other
Jewish women (and men). A good place to start might be at Cornell
University. Jewish students at the campus "Hillel" organization may
help you find what's right for you.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Mark, Jewish male, San Francisco Bay Area , CA
FURTHER NOTICE:
As long as you believe the
teachings of your religion and feel that it is fulfilling your
religious needs, there should be no reason that you feel
uncomfortable; if you feel this way, there is something missing
spiritually. As long as you practice wholeheartedly, the Lord will
always accept you.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Laura, female, 29 <funk@sofnet.com>, Monett, MO
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am a Catholic who sees
everyone as an equal when the topic is God. If there is a religion
that believes that you are not an equal, it's probably a cult. I
think the worst thing about Christianity is religion - in the big
picture, we all believe in God. My parents are Baptist, my sister is
non-denominational and I am Catholic. It's a really interesting
Sunday around our family. Just remember one thing about Catholicism:
Some religions think Catholics think they are better than the rest,
but I can assure you, it's not true.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Rob, 28, Catholic <innvertigo@msn.com>, Warren, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
In my experience, Christians
love to get converts from other religions.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Patrick W., male <pwalsh@bellsouth.net>, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Catholics will think it's
wonderful that you're a convert. The priest told me that if I
converted, my husband and I were sure to go to heaven. Will you fit
in? The other Catholics won't know you weren't born Catholic unless
you tell them. If you tell them you're a convert, they will take you
under their wing. If you don't tell them, they will assume you were
raised Catholic. You will always know the difference, though, because
you haven't been immersed in it since childhood. You as a convert
will always see Catholicism through different, more objective eyes.
You will be good for the Catholic Church.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Colleen, 38, raised Catholic <congdon@illuminet.net>, Quantico , VA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
It's all fine and dandy that
you go searching for a religion that suits your beliefs, but with all
due respect, adjusting your beliefs to suit your religion might be
more worthwhile. I'm sure you've heard this all before, but there is
truth to the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side."
Before you step over the fence, do yourself a favor and check out and
truly examine your own back yard: 3,000 years of an incredible
history and the millions who died trying to preserve it. The very
least you owe them and yourself is an educated decision.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Lon B.-D. <AbieDee@aol.com>, New York , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I've been Catholic all my
life. My father converted to marry my mother. I've never seen anyone
singled out for criticism as a Catholic because they weren't born
that way. If anything, we tend to fall all over converts when they
are baptized and confirmed (it's a big deal, right in the middle of
Mass, singing and praying just before Easter; wear comfortable shoes,
it goes on forever). I think Catholics especially like adult converts
because it confirms our belief that we were right all along. We like
being right. We are the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church,
after all.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
M.J. Frazer, female, white, Catholic <Mfrazer7@aol.com>, Worcester , MA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
It's fine that you want to
shop around to find the right religion for you, but you should really
learn about your own religion before searching outside. A
non-practicing Jew often doesn't know what Judaism is about. I tried
Christianity and then found Judaism (my own religion, which my
parents don't stress). Judaism is very complex, enlightening and
satisfying. Many students of talmud go on to get very high marks in
university because of the discipline they've picked up. I find the
wisdom in midrash is helpful in everyday life as well. You can try
learning more by going to a reform rabbi to start. He/she can guide
you. It would be foolhardy to pick up another religion before you
know the true value of what you're discarding.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Ronit, 35, Jewish female <casey5@mydejanews.com>, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
You will be fully accepted
(except by Nazis). Remember to study the faith you were raised in,
also, because you may actually find that you need not look further.
It is strange that people of one faith become disillusioned by not
practicing it, and then when considering alternative beliefs spend a
great deal of time to learn about them. Why not put as much time into
learning about your current faith? You may be wondrously
enlightened!.All religions teach morality, or conscience, and just
use different stories and props. Therefore, for all potential
conversions, unless it is to bring a marriage into one religion - a
most important part of a marriage - use your local social and
outreach educational sessions at churches, synagogues and college
campuses as pleasant ways to study your religion.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Ken, male
FURTHER NOTICE 9:
The Catholic Church welcomes
converts. In fact, converts are often looked at as "better
Catholics," though I suspect this is largely a cop-out by "cradle
Catholics" to excuse their lack of piety, as if to say "don't expect
too much of me - I was just born into it." Single converts are often
heavily prevailed upon to enter the priesthood or religious life. I
can tell you that in more traditional circles (Latin Mass, etc.), you
may have to do a period of "probation" because, frankly, someone not
from a Catholic family has more to prove in regard to their
orthodoxy. There is also the ethnic factor. In some traditional
congregations (not all), you are regarded as having no "pedigree"
because you're not from an old Irish, or Italian, or what have you,
Catholic family. This is left unspoken but it is still there. Still,
if you come in and "listen more than you talk" the first few years,
you'll be just fine.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Pius Augustine, traditional Catholic, 38, Columbia, SC
FURTHER NOTICE 10:
One of Christianity's major
beliefs is evangelism, or "spreading the "Good News" of Jesus
Christ." A "true Christian" is someone who believes in the Holy
Trinity (God the Father, God the Son and the Holy Spirit), and
accepts Jesus as Christ the Savior, whether you've believed that all
of your life, or have recently had a change of faith. You have the
choice of participating in more visible signs of faith, such as
Baptism and Confirmation, and as a Catholic, you would be invited to
the Holy Eucharist to receive Communion; however, one cannot be any
more "Christian" than his or her neighbor. A priest is not more
"Christian" than his congregation - he is just a leader and
counselor. Of course, these are my personal beliefs as an
Episcopalian, and unfortunately, some Christian congregations are
less hospitable and more "exclusive" than others. But I also believe
that, as a whole, the Christian family is very open and friendly.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Shawn D., 23, gay Episcopalian <pharaun@aol.com>, Fort Worth , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 11:
Catholic converts are equally
embraced by the Church. Once you are baptized and receive the other
sacraments, you are a full participating member. There are no
second-class citizens. I think the fact that you choose to join and
learn about the dogma beforehand makes you in someways a better
Catholic than those who were baptized at birth. In a way it is like
how naturalized U.S. citizens probably have a better grasp of U.S.
history and patriotism than citizens who where born here.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Jennifer, female, Toledo, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 12:
Considering that all
Christians are, in effect, "converts" stemming from Jewish roots
(Jesus Christ was a Jew), I think most Christians are accepting of
converts who profess their faith in Christian principles and
teachings. It probably depends on how fundamentalist the church you
are considering is. I am Methodist (a Protestant Christian religion),
so I'm speaking from a Christian, but not Catholic, point of view. I
remember in college having a friend who converted to Judaism and was
never really accepted as a "full-fledged" member of the religious
community. I think part of her battle was that "being Jewish" is
partl ethnicity and part religious practice (and she obviously didn't
have a Jewish heritage).
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Amy D., female, St. Paul , MN
FURTHER NOTICE 13:
All Christians/Catholics are
not of one mindset. Acceptance by indiviudal members will be based on
many factors, including your charisma, your perceived sincerity and a
person's background and opinion of what a member of a particular
religion should be like. In other words, people are people; they like
good-natured, kindred spirits. If they don't respond to you, they may
be shy, nasty, hurried or troubled, but it may ot be because you're
not a "true" believer. Just like any worldly social gathering, expect
a larger church to seem less caring but demand less social
interaction. As long as you respect the general rules of conduct,
nobody will know your "status." Few will introduce themselves,
either. At a smaller church, people will look at you like the new kid
in class, but they also may be inclined to invite you to dinner that
day. I think you will find most people in a religious setting are
looking for answers, too. If you respect their traditions and
maintain a humble spirit, you'll be fine. If for some reason the
church itself does not agree with you, try another one, remembering,
though, that the servants aren't the master. Judge the church as a
whole and how it helps you establish your own spiritual wellness.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
J. Berry, 34, recent Catholic convert from Methodist <berryx@earthlink.net>, Alexandria, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 14:
A parish priest with a very
ethnic Jewish last name at my Roman Catholic church was raised Jewish
in Brooklyn, NY. He converted and joined the seminary at 30. Does
that count as "accepted" enough?
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Andy, 30, white, straight male, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 15:
I'm 48, became a Christian at
31 and was born Catholic. Christianity is not a religion but a
relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Avoid confusing
Christianity with religon. You will find that all true Christians are
converts (from unbelief to belief), and so you will be accepted by
them and share community with them. Jesus had a problem with religion
getting in the way of people relating to God. You can become a
Christian without the religous trappings.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Lord Og, 48, male, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 16:
A Christian is someone who
chooses to follow Christ. By making that choice, in a sense all
Christians are converts. Anyone who doesn't accept you as a "real"
Christian is not following Christ's commandment to love their
neighbor.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
T.R., 17, Latter-Day Saint (converted) <beforpeace@yahoo.com>, San Jose , CA
FURTHER NOTICE 17:
Christianity is a religion
built upon conversion, so generally Christians will accept you as an
equal. You may be seen as a "baby" in Christ, but you wouldn't have
second-class status just because you are a convert. In fact, some
denominations seem to favor converts. I was raised in the Southern
Baptist church. That denomination emphasizes the "Damascus Road"
experience, which is the dramatic conversion the apostle Paul had, in
which he is literally blinded by the glory of God. When I was growing
up, I felt a little uncomfortable because I came to know God slowly
and as a very young child. Sometimes I felt like I was the
second-class Christian because I couldn't recount some dramatic
story! I encourage you to explore many Christian denominations, begin
reading the Bible (the gospel of Matthew is particularly good for
someone with a Jewish background) and pray.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Stacee, 30, Christian, attending an Episcopal church, Houston ,
TX
FURTHER NOTICE 18:
Since people aren't "born"
but "raised" Catholic, it matters little when you decide to go
through the process. People become Catholic after completing a series
of sacraments (Baptism is the initiation; Confession, Communion and
Confirmation are the final touches). Christianity does not observe
the same heritage through birthright that Judaism does. Most people
don't know or care how or when you became Catholic, they're just
happy you're there.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
D.M.M., Catholic, 24 <donikam@hotmail.com>, Charleston , SC
FURTHER NOTICE 19:
Why not explore your own
religion first? You say you haven't practiced, so why not see what
Judaism is before giving it up? There is so much meaning in Judaism.
I'm sure your ancestors suffered because they were Jews; how can you
give up something that was so precious to them?
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Shevi, Jewish, 22 <shevi@geocities.com>, Baltimore , MD
FURTHER NOTICE 20:
I was raised Protestant but
have been considering (in a vague sort of way) becoming Catholic. The
last time I was at mass I looked in the Catholic Book of Worship and
it said that although in Christian-dominated societies baptism of
infants is practiced, baptism of adult converts is the norm and
infant baptism takes its meaning from adult baptism, not the reverse.
The first Christians were Jewish and continued to consider themselves
as such. And of course in "born-again" Protestant churches, everyone
is a "convert." If you are interested in converting to Catholicism,
there are groups to guide you through the process of the R.C.I.A.
(Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults).
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
C.P., 21, Montreal, Quebec, Canada ,
FURTHER NOTICE 21:
I hate to say this, but it
really depends on the congregation. I went to the same church for
20-plus years (Roman Catholic) and was never accepted as a member
because my family went to public school. We grew up in a really small
(read: close-minded) community, so if you didn't have 100 or more
years of ancestory in the city, you were labeled a "newcomer" and
didn't quite fit in.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
C.H.P., 28, white female, Center Line , MI
FURTHER NOTICE 22:
A large percentage of
Protestants are of a sort of mongrel background, especially those who
have moved around the country a couple times or who have married
someone of a different denomination, which is very common. I believe
more than half of American Jews now marry outside the faith, so your
story must be pretty common. Our denomination is very welcoming of
people from different religious backgrounds.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
B. Hale, United Methodist <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford, CT
FURTHER NOTICE 23:
I think your question goes
more to human nature than religious belief. Protestant teaching, at
least as far as I've experienced it, says that there's no such thing
as "more Christian," and even if there was, it would certainly not be
based on birthright or seniority. Fellowship with other Christians is
supposed to be a joyous event unclouded by base and petty feelings
such as bigotry, jealousy and elitism. In practice, it has been my
experience that most churches, like most other organizations, have at
least one or two people who like to be more actively involved and in
control, have an exaggerated sense of self-worth and can even be
judgmental in a gossipy sort of way. But they are, by far, the
exception rather than the rule. Every congregation I have belonged to
has eagerly accepted, even celebrated, new members, especially
converts. Also, remember that every Christian, whether born to
Christian parents and raised in the Church or not, imust by
definition at some point in their lives make a decision to accept
Christ and his teachings. So in a sense, all Christians are
converts.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Mark, 32, white, married Protestant, Alexandria , VA
FURTHER NOTICE 24:
The healthy Christian has a
deep and fulfilling relationship with Christ Jesus. That is the main
focus. Christian believers will welcome converts with open arms. But
you need to realize that there will be some believers who don't
accept other believers because their doctrines don't completely
match. I have been a believer for many years, and I still meet some
who say I am not a real believer because I don't have the gift of
tongues. The Bible needs to be your source of what is true, not what
any particular church teaches.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Ronald V., 46 <draugas@mailcity.com>, Edmonton , Alberta, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE 25:
Yes. The Apostle Paul (a
Benjamite) says that the Gentiles are "grafted into" the tree, but
the Jews are already descendants of Abraham. Cool, huh?
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
A. Strickland,48 <Strickland13@netscape.net>, Panama City , FL
FURTHER NOTICE 26:
As someone who was born and
raised Catholic, I can tell you that yes, if you were to convert to
Catholicism, you would be accepted. In fact, every year during Easter
time (actually the Easter vigil mass the night before Easter), the
church performs a special ceremony welcoming new Catholics to the the
church. It is a very nice mass, and the church does indeed accept
converts with open arms. However, I do suggest that if you are
considering Catholicism that you really do your research and that you
make sure it is indeed a religion you want to be a part of. I believe
religion is a very personal choice and that one religion that may be
right for one person may not be right for someone else.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Rai <neff@acsu.buffalo.edu>, Buffalo , NY
FURTHER NOTICE 27:
If a religion does not accept
you, it is not truly Christian. Christ did not show partiality to
anyone. He witnessed to all. The determining factor was not a
person's background but his/her heart condition and future actions.
Remember too that Paul said "There is neither Jew nor Greek, male nor
female; for you are all one person in union with Christ Jesus."
(Galatians 3:28) I encourage you to look at all religions and make
your choice based on: 1. On what are its teachings based? Are they
from God or primarily men? (2 Timothy 3:16, Mark 7:7) 2. Consider
whether it is making known the name of God. (John 17:6, Matthew 4:10)
3. Is true faith in Jesus Christ being demonstrated? (John 3:36,
Psalms 2:6-8, James 2:26) 4. Is it largely ritualistic, or is it a
way of life? (Isaiah 1:15-17, 1 Corinthians 5:9-13, Galatians
5:22,23) 5. Do its members truly love one another? (John 13:35) 6. Is
it truly separate from the world? (John 15:19, 1 John 2:15-17) 7. Are
its members active witnesses concerning God's kingdom? (Matthew
24:14, Matthew 10:7, 11-13, Acts 20:20)
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Trish <blouin@rconnect.com>, MN
FURTHER NOTICE 28:
I feel there is no such thing
as a "true Christian." We were all born into sin because of the sin
Adam and Eve committed when they disobeyed God. We are all
descendants of Adam's loins and were born into sin except Jesus, who
was born of the holy spirit - the only true Christian. He died on the
cross that we might have life, and accepting his salvation makes you
as Christ-like as you need to be. But as you grow in your faith, you
will come to understand deeper truths and desire to live a life as
Christ-like as you can, but just know that we are all forgiven for
our sins through the grace of God, which is symbolized by his son
Jesus.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Clorinda R., 22, black female, Greensboro , NC
FURTHER NOTICE 29:
If you already have a set of
beliefs you are happy and comfortable with, why are you searching for
a religion to match them? I see the value of studying religion,
systems of beliefs and philosophy. I would recommend spending some
time studying and asking the question, What need does this fill and
do I need this religion?
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
A happy atheist <wilsonpa@rf.suny.edu>, Albany, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 30:
Kate, have you explored
Judaism? I'm asking because you mention you were born to a Jewish
family but have never practiced. You might be surprised at the
breadth of belief, practice and philosophy available within various
Jewish congregations and movements. As I understand it, nobody is
"born Catholic." A person becomes Catholic, or Christian, at
Baptism.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
Robin, 36, practicing Jew from non-practicing family <rmshapiro@hotmail.com>,Bluefield , WV
FURTHER NOTICE 31:
I asked the original
question. I investigated Judaism and realized it was not the religion
and set of beliefs I agreed with. I always knew/felt that for some
reason, I believed in Jesus Christ as a prophet, and so I started
investigating Christianity. Although I also researched Eastern
religions, Christianity was the only set of beliefs I felt a
connection to. Once I realized I had an "affinity" for Jesus and the
New Testament, I found Catholicism. For the past six months, I have
gone to mass with friends, read the Catechism of the church and
various other books, and am almost certain I want to join the church.
I know my ancestors fought and perhaps were even killed for their
belief in Judaism, but their sacrifices and strength have given me
the chance to find my God and religious home. I am sure they would
prefer for me to be Jewish, but I know they would want me to have a
sincere belief in and devotion to God - which I did not have until I
began this spiritual exploration. I am beginning to research RCIA
classes and how they are taught at different churches. I want a
church where I am not a 'pledge,' but a non-full member during this
period. If possible, I want to be able to stay to see the Eucharist
at mass as I have been doing these months. I do not know if all
churches follow the dismissal of candidates, so if anyone has any
knowledge about this, it would be very appreciated.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
Kate, 21, female, Ithaca, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 32:
In all the responses to this
question, no one has raised the issue of the Jewish Law on the
subject of conversion. Jewish law states that a person who is legally
born Jewish cannot legally (Jewish Law) convert out of the religion.
Naturally, a person can practice any religion they choose. That is
the freedom of a free society. Although difficult, a person can
convert to Judaism but again, cannot convert out. It is a one-way
street.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
Les H. <lphfla@aol.com>, Fort Lauderdale , FL
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THE QUESTION:
R643: While watching a show on
the U.S. Space program the other night, I was struck by the fact that
all of the engineers were white males. Recognizing that the time
depicted was the 1960s, I did some research and found that the
engineering field is still dominated by white males. Data showed that
while there has been some increase in women and minorities in
engineering, engineering graduates are still 80 percent white male.
This contrasts to fields like medicine and law, where white males now
make up less than half. Why aren't more women and minorities drawn to
engineering?
POSTED APRIL 5, 1999
Steve, 31, white male engineer, Houston , TX
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Unfortunately, the numbers
you quote are pretty accurate. Enrollments at most schools of
engineering are still predominantly white and male. The school with
the best female population numbers (Puerto Rico) is only at 20-25
percent female enrollment.
There are many reasons for this. Many
have been mentioned, including lack of preparation. However, this is
a male-dominated field, and it will take a long time to change that.
Although more women are entering the field and studying engineering,
this has not yet translated into more female engineers - there are
still great problems at the workplace, and many woman leave the field
soon after entering it because of the environment they encounter.
Engineering firms are still, by-and-large, run by members of the
old-boy network. Women are invited in, but not allowed to excel.
Salaries for women engineers are significantly lower than for males
in the same field, with the same experience. Sad, but true. There are
programs in place to help ease woman into science, math and
engineering fields, but they are slow in advancing. I work at a
college of engineering with few female faculty members or faculty of
color. Lack of role models is also a significant factor for
advancement. Progress is being made, but without significant
involvement of the male engineering work force, this progress will be
slow - steady, but slow.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
S.M. Kolls, 33, white, college administrator, Society of Women
Engineers advisor, <smkolls@coe.neu.edu>, Boston, MA
To
respond
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