Best of the Week
of April 15, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of April 15, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
The book
on Y? is here!
"Why Do White People Smell Like Wet
Dogs
When They Come Out Of The Rain?"
Order it securely via credit card
Delivery in 2-3 days via Priority Mail
Read the
Associated Press story on "Wet Dogs"
Question:
Is it true that Hassidic Jews must have a sheet between them
(with a hole cut in it) while having sexual intercourse? If so,
why?
POSTED 4/17/2001
SingleWF, New York, NY, United States, Female, White/Caucasian,
Mesg ID 417200121836
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I have noticed that African Americans in general are much
noisier than whites, for example in libraries or cafes, and when
whites ask them to make less noise because they cant work or talk
themselves, the African Americans often react very negatively.
Why?
POSTED 4/10/2001
Tony L., New York, NY, United States, Mesg ID 410200120420
Responses:
Often, groups of black people - especially youths - feel unfairly
singled out when white people 'hush' them, and sometimes this feeling
is justified. Many times when I'm using public transportation, I've
seen people get irritated by the loud banter of black kids, but then
ignore or even smile at a group of white kids carrying on in a
similar fashion. Black kids are more likely to be harassed by
security at a mall, for instance, while white kids will go
undetected. Instances like these - whether truly experienced or
merely heard about - make groups of black kids suspicious of attempts
to quiet them. That said, exhuberant expression - sometimes loud - is
a cultural thing.
POSTED 4/12/2001
T.R., Newark, NJ, United States, Female, Black/African American,
Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 412200161027
I think that maybe it's just a cultural thing as far as African
Americans being louder than whites in public places. It's probably
just a difference in how people express themselves. Another reason
may be a conscious or subconscious challenge of the standard that
society imposes on people in general. After all, the norms for our
society were established by and large by white people. It may be a
mild protest against these established norms. And if a white person
tells a black person to keep it down, then that plays right into the
idea that whites are constantly telling blacks what behavior is and
isn't acceptable. Even though this may not have anything to do with
the situation at hand - one person in a library asking another to be
quieter so the person can study - these are the dynamics that have
developed in our society, and whether consciously or subconsciously,
people react to these dynamics.
POSTED 4/12/2001
Lucy, San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 4112001105006
A lot of whites forget that most American blacks are still in the
lower/underclass bracket. That said, many don't know what is 'proper'
behavior. It is also cultural, too: my mother worked in a hotel in
Jamaica and said one that thing about African Americans was that they
talked very loud. So the reasons for African Americans talking loud
are both class and culturally related.
POSTED 4/15/2001
Alea, New York, NY, United States, 21, Female, Caribbean-American
black, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 412200154841
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
With all the trials and tribulations blind people must contend
with in daily life, I wonder how, well, 'lust' is handled. What I
mean is that a sighted person can look upon a beautiful woman or
handsome man and feel the pleasure that merely looking at the
good-looking can bring. Is the blind person, therefore, reduced to
feelings of extreme frustration that only actual lovemaking can
relieve, or is fantasy, imagination and masturbation able to lessen
the annoying itch of horniness that nearly all of us - blind and
sighted - experience daily?
POSTED 4/15/2001
John A., Boston, MA, United States, 41, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 4132001124412
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
There's a suburb of Orlando, Winter Garden, where I've noticed
a disproportionately large number of Dale Earnhardt memorials - big
number 3s painted on garage doors and inside windows, displays across
the back windows of cars and trucks, and memorial t-shirts and caps
as a local uniform of sorts. Why the extreme reverence to Earnhardt?
Are there other towns in the United States where it seems like all
the residents have joined the 'Church of Dale Earnhardt of Latter Day
Saints' en masse?
POSTED 4/15/2001
Dan, Orlando, FL, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Over 4
Years of College, Mesg ID 414200120338
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I am 38 and done with child-bearing, and my issue is my weight.
I have never been a large-framed woman, but have been uncomfortable
for years with my size and weight. To me I have a boyish frame and am
small (125 lbs. and 5'7'). To some this is ideal, but to me it is
depressing, so much so that I have stopped going to clubs, social
functions and even some of my children's activities. Are there any
suggestions on what I can do to keep or gain some weight? It is so
bad that I have ended a four-year relationship (a good one) because
of my insecurities. Don't get me wrong; while out and about, men are
always eyeing me or speaking to me, but to me the Twiggy thing just
is not working. I have workout equipment in my home office, and I do
use it, but I need to build some bulk or something so I don't wither
away. Any suggestions?
POSTED 4/16/2001
T-C, Seattle, WA, United States, 38, Female, African Methodist
Episcopalian, Black/African American, Straight, Beauty industry, 2
Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID 270125720
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I've often heard the same comment from white men who find
African-American women sexually attractive: "Black women are less
inhibited and more passionate in the bedroom." How do they think we
are different from any other women?
POSTED 4/16/2001
Fuschia, Jacksonville, FL, United States,
<angel32210@yahoo.com>, 34, Female, Black/African American,
Straight, health care, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
2801101256
Responses:
Do you mean in what ways specifically you're different re: in the
bedroom? I couldn't say, nor, I would venture, could any man say. All
of that kind of talk is just race-based fantasies of men who know not
whereof (nor whom of) they speak. It's weird, but every majority race
or ethnicity in every country throughout history has had the same
sort of fantasy image regarding minority races or ethnicities and
their sexual habits. For example, in Merry Olde England, circa 18th
century, English men feared the loss of their daughter's purity to
the Irish lads and their 'Wild Shamrock Manners.' I'm sure there are
other examples of this. Gypsies (Roma) come to mind, as do Italians,
Hispanics, etc. However, it's important to keep in mind that this
type of fantasy is not just the production of the white male mind;
it's from every male (and every female). It's more or less universal
among the ignorant.
POSTED 4/18/2001
A White Guy, Chicago, IL, United States, 30, Male,
White/Caucasian, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 417200122639
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I find that a lot of the time, people who take special
education classes because of learning disabilities don't actually
need them. All the 'special classes' do is bring individuals further
down in thinking that because they have this problem, they can't do
things other people do. What do others think?
POSTED 2/2/2001
Darrel H., Sauk Prairie, WI, United States,
<cyberdancer8@yahoo.com>, Male, Mesg ID 210135754
Responses:
As a former teacher and sibling of someone with significnat
learning disabilities, I've had the opportunity to see these issues
from all sides. As a teacher, most of the students I encountered who
had learning disabilities were the most hard-working kids in the
school. They were frequently the only ones who bothered to fully
complete their homework or study for tests. I think the 'special
classes' these students were in taught them not only that they needed
to work hard, but how to use their strengths and weaknesses to best
get the job done. These classes did not label them as dumb or lazy,
but instead empowered the students to take control of their lives and
work to achieve as best they can. One of my learning disabled
students later graduated as valedictorian of her class, so doing your
best, no matter what your weaknesses are, can yield pretty
spectacular results. On the other hand, I have seen people outside of
the school environment, usually parents and relatives of learning
disabled students, who assume the child has significant limitations
that cannot be overcome. Consequently, they do not encourage the
child to work hard and be successful at all, when instead they should
be encouraging the child to be successful to his or her ability.
POSTED 4/16/2001
Shelly, Pittsburgh, PA, United States, 25, Female, former teacher,
Over 4 Years of College, Upper middle class, Mesg ID 2601105749
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
I have several male friends who come from cultures where
homosexuality was frowned upon. To satisfy their families, they did
the traditional thing: they got married and had children. Then they
decided they could no longer live a lie and came out of the closet to
their families. This devastated their spouses. Does anyone have any
information about homosexuals who want to please their families by
doing the traditional thing but then come out of the closet?
POSTED 4/16/2001
Sylvia, Honolulu, HI, United States, 39, Female, Jehovahs
Witness, Hawaiian, Straight, Student, Over 4 Years of College, Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 3242001115448
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Why do some blacks have a problem with guilty white liberals?
Aren't they better than racist white conservaties?
POSTED 4/15/2001
Justin, Chicago, IL, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, 2 Years of College, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
412200170641
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Why do some people who have children feel that couples who
choose to be child-free are 'selfish' and ought to reproduce?
POSTED 4/15/2001
E. Spenser, Durango, CO, United States, 40, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Educator, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 4132001102834
Responses:
Maybe it's a case of misery loves company. Why is it that as soon
as someone gets married they try to get every single person they know
married? I don't have any kids, and I have been told I am selfish for
not giving my parents grandchildren and that it is my duty to have
children. Selfish is when people have kids and then don't spend the
time to actually raise them.
POSTED 4/16/2001
Lucy, San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 416200194654
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
The way I see it, Rap, Hip-Hop and R&B have been viewed as
traditionally 'black' styles of music, but Heavy Metal, for example,
has been seen as a traditionally 'white' style of music. Why is it
that there are many white people who like Rap/Hip-Hop/R&B, but
seemingly fewer black people who like Heavy Metal?
POSTED 4/15/2001
Michael, Sydney, NA, Australia, 20, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID
414200151829
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
When I was in high school in the '70s, many girls had
beautiful, hairy arms, and no one thought anything of it. Now hair of
any kind on a woman is the enemy. Damn. Body hair on a woman is
sensual and sexy, especially on the arms and lower back, like the
patterns on lots of wonderful Latina girls. I will never understand
how hair got to be such a horrible attribute. How did this
happen?
POSTED 4/10/2001
Larry, Fort Worth, TX, United States, 48, Male, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, professional, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 45200192330
Responses:
Bless you for stating your opinion that body hair is sensual and
sexy. These days any hair at all is seen as horrible. Women spend
untold amounts of money and time, and subject themselves to painful
procedures, to combat body hair. I don't know how it happened that
body hair became the enemy, but I wish there were an antidote that
would reverse the process.
POSTED 4/18/2001
Lucy, San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 410200142427
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Question:
Why do men have an innate compulsion to put women down?
POSTED 4/10/2001
Paula J., Wichita Falls, TX, United States, 76, Female,
Methodist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Retired, 2 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 49200114329
Responses:
Maybe you're hanging around the wrong men. People who belittle
others generally tend to focus on those they perceive as weakest in
order to (in their minds) mark their social status as higher in rank.
To the men you're speaking of, women are the lower social order -
unless you throw in blacks or us queers. Maya Angelou, speaking at a
Human Rights Campaign dinner in Houston, said it best (and I'm
paraphasing): 'I am too old to suffer such foolishness. I walk away,
but not before letting the fool know why. If you don't let them know
why you're leaving, they won't be able to associate their foolishness
with any consequences. Worse! They might actually think you agree
with them. Do not suffer - and do not be silent.'
POSTED 4/18/2001
Michael, Houston, TX, United States, 40, Male, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Gay, Intranet Manager, 4 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 4162001115523
To
respond
BACK TO TOP
Copyright
and disclaimer