Best of the Week
of April 19, 1998
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of April 19, 1998, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
THE QUESTION:
C2: It seems to be the "in" thing
these days for someone to say they grew up poor. What is considered
poor these days? What about middle class? What makes a person middle
class vs. poor?
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Apryl P, Black <apryl@mail-me.com>
Oak Park , MI
ANSWER 1:
In Britain (where we are
class-obsessed), your class doesn't have all that much to do with
wealt, though it may once have. It has more to do with your
expectations in life and the type of culture you belong to. At
university where almost all classes of people are poor (I think our
system is different from yours), it is still easy to spot the general
background people have come from. Usually the scruffier people are,
the higher class they are! And working-class students generally try
to look neat and tidy. Obviously I'm generalizing. I'm not sure why
it is popular to be poor - but I think often people want to be what
they aren't - the grass is always greener on the other side!
POSTED APRIL 3, 1998
Beth, white, middle class, 23, Edinburgh, UK
FURTHER NOTICE:
Poor has always been a
relative term, unless, of course, one is talking about abject poverty
as one would find in the slums of Third World countries. So growing
up poor can be defined as having less than your peers. Children who
grow up among those who are in the same state of "poorness" as they
don't generally preceive themselves as poor. This classification
comes about only when their peer group becomes the larger, more
economically diverse society.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
James Mc <Mcgrawman@aol.com>
Ypsilanti, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I bring up the fact that I
grew up relatively poor from time to time. I'm a well-educated soccer
mom with a good job, married to a Harvard guy, with bright kids, a
house in the burbs, a mini-van and too many pets. I sometimes bring
up my background because I feel people frequently make erroneous
assumptions about me and what my life has been like. It hasn't
resembled its current state until recently. My family (of origin) was
homeless from time to time and lived in substandard housing (no hot
water, no phone) at times. My parents were young and went through a
prolonged hippie phase. Our houses and apartments were crash pads,
full of people and drugs; my parents divorced and my siblings and I
were neglected off and on. I don't think growing up poor is "in."
When I mention my childhood, it's usually in an effort to be
understood, and to avoid being judged solely on the basis of what my
life looks like on a superficial level now.
POSTED APRIL 24, 1998
Carol A., 37, white <Noahlin@aol.com>
Lawrence, KS
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THE QUESTION:
G4: In light of the recent
violence in Arkansas, there has been talk about the "Culture of
Violence" in the South. Granted, there is a cultural attraction to
violence in the United States, i.e. in the media, etc., but is it
more pronounced in the South?
POSTED MARCH 28, 1998
James W. <wilsjame@sonoma.edu>
Santa Rosa, CA
ANSWER ONE:
Yes, more Southerners are more
likely to own weapons than probably any other group of people in the
country, but if we had some kind of violent culture, the South should
be a war-zone akin to Beirut. Instead, the rural South is one of the
safest and least violent places around - even though, or perhaps
because, its residents are armed to the teeth. Just remember the next
time there is a drive-by shooting in L.A. or New York to ask yourself
if there is an inherent violence in the culture of those two cities.
Most people would say no. The "learned" professors who espouse this
theory ought to be discredited.
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Todd <tdbuk@juno.com>
Suwanee, GA
FURTHER NOTICE:
Having lived in both
Massachusetts and Texas for many years, I believe there is a strong
culture of violence here in Texas, which is aggravated by the
widespread gun ownership. It is apparently a holdover of the frontier
mentality. Texans, despite their polite and friendly attitude, are
very quick to take offense or pick a fight in a bar. The cause can be
just "looking at someone the wrong way." I think there is a basic
lawlessness here that is countered by repressive, brutal policing
that only adds to the overall climate of physical violence. The slum
areas of Massachusetts are similar in that young males are very quick
to pick fistfights and to evaluate each other on who can take whom.
The difference is that in Texas, people are frequently armed and the
women are often much more aggressive than they would have been in a
Boston working-class suburb. Also, there is a much lower education
level here, so people unable to defend themselves with words will
resort to fists.
POSTED APRIL 24, 1998
L.E., Austin, Texas, 40, straight white male
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THE QUESTION:
D7: I would like to know if
women are afraid to go out with men who are confined to wheelchairs
and can do some things physically but not others.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Reaper, Warren, MI
ANSWER 1:
I am not afraid to go out
with men in wheelchairs, but I have lots of exposure to people with a
variety of disabling conditions because I work in the rehabilitation
field. I think that some women may, in fact, be afraid. I think that
fear stems from their unfamiliarity with people with disabilities. It
is a common human trait to be afraid of the unknown, and if you have
never really known someone who uses a wheelchair, you have no idea
what to expect. That can be scary.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Marsha Z. <mzalik@telusplanet.net>
Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
R206: My younger brother is
having a problem with his race. Our mother is black and his father is
Greek. My brother's skin color is very light, and he has thin hair as
if he were white. He is 13, lives in an African-American community
and attends a public school that is majority black. The problem is he
has been picked on because of the way he looks. He has been in fights
and has been kicked out of school. Sometimes he feels the teachers
pick him out from the rest of the class for no reason when they are
having a problem controlling their class. He now wonders if all his
problems are caused by the way he looks. My brother doesn't know what
he is anymore or where he fits in. He doesn't know if he should be
black or Greek. What should or could he do?
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
Denise C., 20, black, Detroit, MI
(Director's Note: A reply from someone with a background in
mixed-heritage services or programs, potentially with knowledge of
resources this person could access, would be preferred.)
ANSWER 1:
In school, if you're a late
bloomer, overweight, short, wear glasses, look different from the
norm (i.e. mixed heritage), answer too many of the teacher's
questions or set yourself apart in any way (by choice or not by
choice), there is a good chance you will be harrassed. I have many
stories of being harrassed because of my mixed cultural backround,
and one of my best friends who went through school with me was
constantly in fights and picked on because of his weight. There are
some sad people out there who only feel good about themselves when
they try to put others down. As far as what "heritage" he should
follow - that is a very personal choice. I choose to consider myself
a plain old American, but there are times when I take note of certain
cultural holidays because of my black/Mexican backround. However, I
am not choosing one heritage over another by doing so.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Dan, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
My sons have similar problems
(their mom is black, I'm white), and they often get bothered, too.
The thing that helps them be strong is to talk to them, let them know
they are unique and special (and they are) and let them know where
each of their characteristics comes from. My older son's hair is more
like his mothers, my younger son's hair is more like mine. We talk
about it. Talking with him, letting him know that who and what he is
is OK, is the best thing you can do. Let him know that being
different is OK and that he doesn't have to go out of his way to hide
his difference or promote it.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Alex, 39 <aleavens@mindspring.com>
Lawrenceville, GA
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THE QUESTION:
R189: Why do white people smell
like wet dogs when they come out of the rain?
(Director's Note: Upon researching this question with black
associates, this is, in fact, the precise odor some blacks refer to
when decscribing how white people smell after being rained upon or
coming out of a pool.)
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
Cass, Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
White people may "smell like
wet dogs" if they have been in the rain for the same reason dogs
smell, although I'd like to think they (dogs) smell worse. The
texture of most white people's hair is soft and absorbs a lot of dirt
and odors, as do dogs' fur. I'm not sure why it is when the hair is
wet that it brings the odor out, but it does seem to do that in hair
that is unclean. Keep in mind that the average white person has to
wash their hair every day to keep it clean. Personally, my hair
absorbs everything around me: Food odors, smoke, etc.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Anonymous <epona7@hotmail.com>
Ann Arbor, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Given that I've smelled a
fair number of wet dogs and also quite a few wet white people, I feel
secure in stating white people don't usually smell like wet dogs.
Unless, of course, the white person smelled like a dry dog before
she/he got wet. If white people are dirty, they usually smell worse
than dogs. So do blacks.
Will H., white, 48, Dallas, Texas
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The only reason I could give
you for some white people smelling like "dogs" is that they are not
clean. I know that personally, I either smell like my laundry
detergent, shampoo, cologne or hair care products.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Jessica, white, Orion Township, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
The smell can be either that
mentioned, or that of the sanitary smell of a hospital. It can even
be nauseating. I've discussed it with a couple of white women I've
dated and showered with. They can't smell it (of course) and don't
understand it. Neither do I. It seems more pronounced in Europeans.
Strangely, it's one of the things that prevents me from continuing to
date my Caucasian female friends (to the applause of most of my black
female friends).
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
James G. <detroitcity@geocities.com>
Detroit, MI
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THE QUESTION:
R130: Why do people assume that
all Asians are smarter at math and science?
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Miranda B., 19 <lbrockwa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pace, FL
ANSWER 1:
Right now I'm studying
engineering at university, and I can tell you that 40 percent of our
first-year class is made up of people of Asian descent. Compare this
to the percentage of Asians in Canada (I'm not sure what it is, but
it's lower than 40 percent). This would naturally suggest to some
people that Asians are smarter or are better at math and science. In
my experience, their academic success is a result of their work
ethic.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
Marie, 22, Wallaceburg, Ontario, Canada
FURTHER NOTICE:
There are just as many
not-so-smart Asians as there are smart ones. The media doesn't report
about who is "dumb." There are a lot more Asians in the world than
any other race. I cannot imagine 40 percent of them are smarter than
the rest of the world.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
M.G.C.S., 50, New York, NY
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THE QUESTION:
RE33: I was taught God was
all-forgiving. If this is so, how can some religions say that only
people who believe in and practice their faith will go to heaven?
Won't anyone who believes in God go to heaven?
POSTED APRIL 20, 1998
Jessica C., 27, white female, Summerville, S.C.
ANSWER 1:
In traditional evangelical
Christianity, it is not considered enough to simply believe in the
existence of God. Satan believes in the existence of God. One must
trust and know God as well, which means accepting Christ as your
savior in your heart, and praying and reading the Bible. If one truly
believes in God as He really is, as revealed in scripture, then one
knows that God cannot tolerate sin, because sin and holiness cannot
exist together. We must admit our sin (confess) and accept His
forgiveness. If this isn't necessary, then God sent His son to die
for nothing. I don't think He would bother.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Terry A., white female, evangelical Christian <MrsArthur1@aol.com>
Sterling Heights, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
The Bible states that you
have to be baptized in Christ in order to be saved from sin. So, it
is not enough to just believe in a greater power.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Aaron S., Jackson, MS
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I believe God is
all-forgiving if you repent of your sins. By repenting, you are
saying you are sorry for your sins and will try your hardest not to
sin anymore. You must believe in God in order to say you are sorry
for sinning against him. To say that to go to heaven you must believe
in Him is true. If you believe in him, you will listen to his
commandments. Thus, you will honor his command to honor him through
church. I don't think it really matters which church you go to, as
long as it is Christian.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
M.L.H., 31, Lutheran <mlhutchi@oakland.edu>
Novi, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
The idea of forgiveness means
that something was wrong and needed to be forgiven. Different faiths
have different ways for making up for this need for forgiveness.
Imagine a good friend clearly wronged you. Then she started to be
very nice to you, but never apologized. Have you ever had the
feeling, "I just would like to hear 'I'm sorry.'?" I believe God
doesn't want us to try to please him so much that he will forget we
wronged him, but rather just to admit that we did and ask for
forgiveness. Many faiths will try to compensate with good deeds to
try to make up for bad ones; others say you can't earn it, but that
God graciously forgives if you ask him. It is on this idea of how to
reconcile with God that the faiths disagree. Logically speaking,
people of different faiths will say if you are trying to reconcile
with God the wrong way, then perhaps you are not forgiven.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
J. Batton <jbatton@ibm.net>, Dallas, Texas
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Different religions teach
different things about the nature of God, sin, forgiveness, etc. Most
require fidelity to the teachings of the faith or they don't believe
in a "god" that could be sinned against. In either case, forgiveness
is not a big part of the religious views. You probably got your views
of forgiveness from Christianity, where it is fundamental to the
religion. Christianity believes in a personal God, that sin severs
our proper relationship with God and that, through the crucifixion of
Jesus Christ, God offers to restore that relationship by the complete
forgiveness of sins. But even here, forgiveness is not unconditional.
You must recognize your sins and make a committed attempt to amend
your ways (formally called repentance) before you are forgiven.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Peter P., Roman Catholic <PPROUT20@aol.com>
Redford, MI
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THE QUESTION:
R199: How do white people feel about the phrase "white trash"? I have
white friends I don't usually consider to be insensitive who use it
unabashedly, and that baffles me. It offends me, too, and only today
did I figure out why: it feels to me like it carries embedded racism,
as if it's necessary to point out that the "trashy" people one is
referring to are white, implicitly assuming that non-white people are
trashy by default.
POSTED APRIL 20, 1998
N.P., 35, African-American male, Philadelphia, PA
ANSWER 1:
I am a white person and have
obviously heard this term (not about me). It is a sensitive one and
does not have anything to do with African Americans. It is an insult
to be called white trash. People will use it to refer to people with
some of the following loosely applied characteristics: Having big
hair with lots of hairspray and makeup, probably living in small
rural area, wearing too-tight blue jeans, men having hair that is
long in back and short on top and sides, living in a trailer park,
men often having mustaches and wearing tank tops and high tops with
above-mentioned too-tight jeans, having children out of wedlock,
being married to your own relation and being avid hockey fans,
receiving social assistance and lacking cultural knowledge of others.
This term did not derive from any ill-conceived notions about African
Americans; trust me on this one.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
J.B., Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
I've always thought the term
carried the meanings you ascribe it, and it's always bothered me.
When I've called people on it, the most cogent response I've received
was that there are differences between black and white culture, and
the term is refering to the bottom of white culture, and that a
different race's trash would behave differently. I didn't buy it.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
Michael, white <TheMartian@juno.com>
Houston, Texas
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a 53-year-old white
Northerner, "white trash" is a term I've often heard or read, and
must have mentally edited. I've always assumed it was a crude way of
denoting poor white Southerners as opposed to poor black Southerners.
In my mind, the word "trash" meant "poor," in much the same way the
word "quality" is sometimes used to show wealth. I hadn't thought of
the term "white trash" as an implied insult to blacks, but I can see
that it may well be.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
Martha K., Portland, OR
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
It's funny this question
should come up. My friend and I watched "60 Minutes" this past Sunday
together and there was a segment on Chris Rock. Since he uses the "n"
word a lot in his act, Ed Bradley asked him if he thought that was a
good idea. He responded that he uses it in a precise way to define a
certain type of person who is different from "black people." After
the show, we talked about this and we decided that perhaps that's the
same way some white people use the phrases "white trash" and
"redneck" - to distinguish themselves from white people they consider
bigoted, less educated, less intelligent, less classy. I don't think
there's any implied racism in the phrases, such as that black folks
are already trashy. I just think it's some white folks' way to make a
distinction between different classes of white people.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
Joan, San Francisco
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think "white trash" is an
appropriate term to identify a certain type of lifestyle and/or
behavior. And it doesn't matter to me who uses the term. It seems to
me that "white trash" carries less racial connotations, whoever uses
it, than does the "N"-word.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
K.P., 49, white, male, Ann Arbor, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I heard the term from family
40 years ago, and just as many African Americans reserve the N-word
for a particular class of people they consider at the bottom of the
behavior spectrum, "white trash" was used to identify, and possibly
to acknowledge a corresponding disapproval of, such people of our
race. In my recent experience, the term is archaic, although notice
of the spectrum of behaviors and lifestyles, and the evaluation of
them, takes other forms.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
A.C. Gravitt, 52, white male <agravitt@randomc.com>
College Park, GA
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The term "white trash"
usually refers to lower-income, largely uneducated white people who
find themselves living in trailer parks, etc. It is only a phrase and
will not normally incite the subject to rage or violence - quite
unlike the "N" word when used toward black people.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Bart <Bayooper@AOL.com>, Rochester, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I do believe the term "white
trash" indicates embedded racism. My observation is that white people
have made up most, if not all, of the derogatory terms for people of
other races/colors. The only derogatory term they've managed to come
up with for whites is to attach the word "trash." I once asked
someone using the term what they meant by it and was told "there are
black people and niggers, and there's white people and white trash."
I've heard this from other people since then, and not only does it
strike me as racist, but it also spoke to me about the way poverty
and lack of education are viewed as personal defects of character by
many people.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Felicia, 34, white <foloughl@n3c.com>
Houston, Texas
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THE QUESTION:
R95: Is claustrophobia more prevalent in Western cultures as opposed
to the more closely knit Eastern cultures?
POSTED MARCH 25, 1998
Michael M., MI
ANSWER 1:
I'm a Westerner living in
Japan, and while I can't speak to the clinical "claustrophobia"
aspect of your question, I can say that Japanese people in general
seem more tolerant of close quarters than the average American. The
concept of personal privacy differs here, an outgrowth of the
close-knit features of the society you spoke of. Homes are closer
together, people sit closer in restaurants, stand closer in line or
on the subway. Many homes and apartments are half the average U.S.
size or smaller, and people just take this as a matter of course -
it's normal here. My own apartment is rather old, but it's of
comparable size to many units Japanese families with small children
live in. To be honest, I haven't a clue how they manage - I just need
more personal space, a little more privacy. Whether this tolerance
for proximity and smaller living quarters would affect the incidence
of claustrophobia, I don't know. It might be more accurate to ask if
the social conditions in the West (or United States) result in an
increased incidence of claustrophobia compared with Asian
cultures.
POSTED APRIL 18, 1998
Geoff C. <boston@eolas-net.ne.jp>
Asahikawa, Japan
FURTHER NOTICE:
I am white and currently
living in Japan. I have to agree the living conditions in Japan are
much more cramped than those that I am used to. However, I don't
think differences in culture play that much of a role in a person's
ability to live in a small space. I think that in many cases, such as
in Japan, the proximity of relatives has much more to do with
economic means rather than culture, moral standards and expectations.
From talking with many of my co-workers, I have come to realize they
have had adapt to these living conditions to survive. Many have said
they would prefer larger living quarters but can't afford them. Also,
many of my exchange student friends have said they preferred the
larger living quarters upon coming to the United States.
POSTED APRIL 20, 1998
Tom J., 22 <tmjast@hotmail.com>
Shiwa, Iwate, Japan
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