Best of the Week
of May 7, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of May 7, 2000, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s new
database using the search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Why do people keep jobs they hate? I could understand the money or
benefits, but why do something you don't like doing?
POSTED 5/9/2000
Didier R., Chicago, IL, United States, Hispanic/Latino, Straight,
student, Mesg ID 4242000121859
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Question:
Why are American-born and/or raised Asian children taller than
non-American born Asians? I was born in Vietnam and raised in America
since I was 7, and I am four inches taller than my parents. My
youngest brother, born in Wisconsin, will likely be six inches taller
than mom and pop. My Asian friends are the same - they're taller than
their parents by several inches, some by seven or more. My theory is
that it is caused by the richer diet in Western countries. Are there
any other factors?
POSTED 5/9/2000
Binh, San Diego, CA, United States, <just4bui@hotmail.com>, 25,
Male, Agnostic, Asian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 58200054514
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Question:
I am a white woman living with a black guy. Is it true that white
people are more irritated with mixed relationships than black people?
This is how it seemed to me when I was living in the United States,
though in Europe I have a different impression.
POSTED 5/9/2000
Anja, Frankfurt, NA, Germany, 30, Female, White/Caucasian, Straight,
Sales representative, 2 Years of College , Upper class, Mesg ID
59200052552
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Question:
C'mon ladies, admit it: You like bad boys who don't live by rules and
treat you wrong. I don't get why, though. What is sexy about living
outside the law and hurting other people, including those most close
to you?
POSTED 5/8/2000
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, <madskat@home.com>, 20,
Male, Catholic, Lower class, Mesg ID 55200043241
Responses:
I have often wondered the same thing. I believe there is no
simple answer; however, it seems there are some obvious ovservations.
I'm sure some women are attracted to the sheer excitement and
adventure these 'bad boys' provide. 'Opposites attract,' as the
saying goes. Others probably don't know any better. Maybe they grew
up in a troubled home and have sadly grown accustomed to being
surrounded by drama and issues. Other girls may be trying to get
their family's attention or, quite frankly, p*** them off for some
reason. The good news is this: Not all girls are anxious to hang out
with a loser. There are plenty of women looking for a good man.
POSTED 5/9/2000
Joe J., Porterville, CA, United States, <vmccjordan@aol.com>,
30, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, 2 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 58200054918
Not all women like bad boys, and I'll never understand why some
do. My boyfriend treats me like a queen, and I love him. I have never
been into people who treat me badly, and never will be. I don't know
what kind of women you tend to meet; certainly I don't know anyone
young or old who enjoyed, at any level, being in a relationship in
which they were treated badly. And no, breaking the law isn't at all
a turn-on. Don't be like my boyfriend's best friend - two weeks ago
he came up with the theory that 'you treat your girlfriend like s**t
and she loves it' He put it into practice {cheated on her} and now it
looks like he's going to lose her - after two years of being
together. Oh well, scratch that theory.
POSTED 5/9/2000
Netta, Armidale, NA, Australia, 18, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, High School Diploma , Middle
class,Mesg ID 59200012003
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Question:
I need some confirmation that I am not totally weird on this issue. I
can use a map just fine, and if I am shown where someplace is on a
map, I can get there with no problem, using a combination of map
navigation, 'remembering the route' (in general terms) if I've been
there before, and dead-reckoning (spotting the sun and shadows
combined with a general sense of direction, distance and elapsed
time). Yet nobody else I know seems to get around like this! It seems
like everyone else I know relies on an elaborate combination of
spoken directions, landmarks and counting stoplights and
intersections. I couldn't tell you how many stoplights are between my
house and the mall to save my life. It's something I've never paid
attention to and information that I don't need to carry around in my
head. If someone gives me spoken directions, I can follow them only
if I write them down verbatim. This may not seem like a big deal, but
I almost got into a shouting match with a friend some time ago, all
because he couldn't understand why I was unable to assimilate his
spoken directions without writing them down. Wouldn't it be much more
intelligent to use maps, combined with a general sense of direction?
And why do people assume that you can 'lock onto' a strange,
byzantine verbal narrative of directions for which you have no frame
of reference because you've never taken that route before?
POSTED 5/8/2000
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 39, Male, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 57200090040
Responses:
Wow, that's a dizzying question. I always have to write
directions down verbatim, too, but I have to do that with nearly
everything. I think my short-term memory is shot. As far as methods
for finding a place go, I've heard that men generally do better with
'east-west' directions and women generally do better with
'left-right' directions. My head isn't a compass, so for me it's
easier to 'take a left at the 7-11' than 'go west after a mile.' When
I was first learning to drive, I was much worse. All directions had
to be given to me in relation to my high school or the mall. And I
have to tell you, I think your friend sounds a little nuts if he got
angry because you wrote the directions down.
POSTED 5/9/2000
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 22, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, student, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
592000121222
I also prefer maps. I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly in the
woods without one. When I leave my desert outpost and attempt to
negotiate the scrambled matrix of asphalt that is Los Angeles, I'm
dead meat without a map. My dad feels the same way, and carries three
or four different Thomas Guides in his car at all times. Many times
I'll plan my route with a map. If I have to go to the city on short
notice, I'll either bring a map with me or buy one when I get down
there. I can only go by directions if they give me specific street
names and addresses. If it's 'turn left at the truck depot and then
go past the Tommy Burger shack and...', unless I am already familiar
with the area I will most certainly get lost (or have a rather
prolonged journey in finding the place). As for intuition, that only
helps when I'm hiking, or if I've been in the place before, or I'm
close to a place that I've been before. But maps are the best. If it
weren't for them I'd probably have ended up sleeping in my car more
than a few times.
POSTED 5/9/2000
Dan, Los Angeles area, CA, United States, 21, Male, Pentecostal
Christian, Hispanic/Latino, Student, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
58200081109
I've noticed females use directions from place to place much the
same way you describe. Men don't want to defer from the course, and
will always take the same way to a location. They are better at
remembering street names and house numbers. Women use landmarks and
general direction. When I worked at a gas station, women asking for
directions would inevitably ask, 'What's it near?' while men always
wanted directions drawn out from street to street. It's just one of
those things we can all laugh about in private concerning the other
sex.
POSTED 5/9/2000
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, <madskat@home.com>, 20,
Male, Mesg ID 58200023814
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Question:
I'm wondering if someone who is or has been a member of AMORC
(Ancient Mystical Order Rosae Crucis) can tell me a little about the
beliefs of the Rosicrucian Order (a nonsectarian body devoted to the
investigation, study and practical application of natural and
spiritual laws). Why is the order so secretive? I've also heard there
was a dispute in which they deposed their leader in 1990. Why did
this happen?
POSTED 5/8/2000
Luko, New York, NY, United States, <luko30@hotmail.com>, 30,
Male, Catholic, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Consultant, Over 4 Years
of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 55200032230
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Question:
In my increasing dealings with lower-income black people, I find that
many of them have harsh words for those among them who are climbing
the social ladder economically, i.e. that they are 'selling out.' Why
is this? Why don't they congratulate another for overcoming a shared
difficulty?
POSTED 5/8/2000
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, 20, Male, Catholic, Lower
class, Mesg ID 55200043007
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Question:
I used to administer a rather sophisticated management training
program in which those who couldn't make it were fired. When I state
the fact that affirmative action destroyed the integrity of the
program, I am attacked, even though I am just the carrier of the bad
news. How come?
POSTED 5/8/2000
J. Whitelaw, Palm Coast, FL, United States, 65, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, retired, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 57200035447
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Question:
To women: Does the pill reduce your sexual desire?
POSTED 5/4/2000
Zuhair R., Dubai, NA, United Arab Emirates,
<zuhair@lcnsys.com>, 20, Male, African of Asian Decent,
Straight, Network Engineer, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 54200040658
Responses:
The pill did not reduce my sexual desire at all. In fact, being
on the pill increased it because I don't have to worry about unwanted
pregnancy. With condoms there is always the possibility that it will
break, slip off, semen will leak out, etc. And when you are worried,
sex can't be fully enjoyed. An additional factor is that my menstrual
cycle is more regular, and I don't have all the complications that go
along with irregular periods. As a result I am much happier and
therefore more into sex.
POSTED 5/8/2000
Lucy H., San Jose, CA, United States, 25, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 542000114044
No way! The pill enhances my sexual desire. I feel less inhibited
because it reduces the chance of pregnancy by 98 percent. However,
some drugs can reduce desire, such as anti-depressants like Zoloft
and Prozac. Many drugs (even vitamins like St. John's Wort) can also
negate the effect of the birth control pill, so a woman should be
careful and consult her doctor. It is also important to always use
condoms to prevent sexually transmitted diseases like herpes and
HIV.
POSTED 5/8/2000
Sue, Atlanta, GA, United States, 30, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, professional, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 54200021101
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Question:
Why are disease rates higher among blacks for life-threatening
conditions such as diabetes, heart attacks, AIDS and cancer? Why is
this always the case? Am I the only one who notices?
POSTED 5/4/2000
Country, Cleveland, OH, United States,
<dmoss22922@hotmail.com>, 31, Male, Baptist, Black/African
American, Straight, Computer Consultant, 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 522000105547
Responses:
I don't believe there is a genetic disposition to these diseases.
The diseases you mentioned are lifestyle-influenced conditions. I'd
guess that because black people are disproportionately represented in
lower-income brackets, lack of access to doctors and health education
may have something to do with it. In addition, stress is a big health
risk that may predispose people to certain diseases (such as
hypertension). And black people face a lot of stress directly and
indirectly related to racism.
POSTED 5/8/2000
Tish, Newark, NJ, United States, Female, Black/African American, Ph.D
student, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 55200050216
You aren't the only one who has noticed this. The reasons are
simple and yet have such complex origins and implications: 1) some
diseases are lifestyle induced. Blacks have more stress in their
lives because of being marginalized members of society and the
implications of this. 2) blacks are more likely to have poor diet and
exercise habits because healthy habits are less often practiced in
rural and poor areas, where many blacks have been relegated. 3)
blacks are less likely to have adequate medical insurance and medical
education because they have been historically denied educational
opportunities that would lead to income levels/job statuses where
these would be readily available.
POSTED 5/8/2000
Amanda, Boston, MA, United States, 20, Female, Black/African
American, student, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
542000111651
Genetics. Lifestyle. Medical treatment. Not necessarily in that
order. Some groups of people have genetic propensity for or against
certain diseases, just as some diseases prefer one sex more than the
other (like lupus.) The same genes that protect from malaria are at
cause for sickle cell anemia. Some of the diseases you mention are
clearly keyed to lifestyle, such as some cancers, AIDS and adult
diabetes. The incidences of such diseases change when individuals or
groups change the lifestyle patterns that make them susceptible. Race
is irrelevent unless the lifestyle choices are more a part of one
culture or another. Finally, decisions to seek treatment early and
being able to get quality treatment early are key in some of the
diseases you mention, such as cancer and heart disease. This would be
tied to a group's economic position, which clearly has a race factor
- in America at least.
POSTED 5/8/2000
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 43, Male, White/Caucasian,
engineer, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID
54200020557
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Question:
To people who have loved ones who are suffering or have suffered from
Alzheimers disease: My mother is in the final stages of the disease.
Can you give me any details on how bad they were in their final
days?
POSTED 5/1/2000
Concerned daughter, Nicosia, NA, Cyprus, 45, Female, Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 426200024153
Responses:
In the final years of his life, my grandfather had Alzheimer's
disease. But he did not die of it. Even as a young child, it hurt me
so much to see him in such a state because I loved him, and still
love him, so much. In the final stages, he wandered off from time to
time. There were times when he would sit in his chair and stare
across the room, as if in oblivion, or just remain quiet for a long
time. What was so heartbreaking was that sometimes we would be
sitting at the dinner table when visiting him and my grandmother for
the holidays, and he would look at us as if he did not know us. Of
course this happens to a person stricken with Alzheimer's - they lose
much of their memory. Often times they can forget the simplest
things, like forgetting how to tie their shoes, where they put their
Bible, or their favorite recipes. At the same time, most people who
suffer from the disease are like a very small child; they can go to
the bathroom on themselves - you have to literally be there for them
every step of the way. I know this breaks your heart so much because
it broke my heart about my grandfather. Even as I respond, I am
emotional just thinking about you essentially losing the person you
knew to be active, fun-loving and always happy. But I will pray that
you and your loved ones stay strong through your ordeal. Just keep in
mind that God will see you through this all the way.
POSTED 5/8/2000
E. Parker, Atlanta, GA, United States, <atl_zeta@hotmail.com>,
23, Female, Christian, Black/African American, Straight, Student,
Mesg ID 55200052029
My grandmother died of Alzheimer's almost 10 years ago. I
understand the pain and helplessness you are feeling, but do you
really want to hear details? Why get yourself worked up listening to
the stories of others when their situation may not even resemble
yours? I know you'd like to know what to expect, but no one can tell
you exactly what's going to happen or how your mother will behave.
Each case is unique. You just need to prepare for the inevitable.
Pray for peace for your mom, and ask others to pray for you and your
family through this difficult time.
POSTED 5/8/2000
Shari, Canton, MI, United States, 29, Female, Lutheran, Over 4 Years
of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID 572000113330
You don't specify how your mom is now, except that she is in the
'final stages.' My mom knew the family somewhat until very late, and
although we're not 100 percent sure, we think she knew me (based on
how she hollered at me, as though I'd messed up somehow, when she saw
me, which was usual) almost until the very end after having the
disease for more than 10 years. She was still calling me by name and
doing that about six months before she passed away. In the last few
months she still took the same tone but did not use my name. She also
had some mobility until the end; but other patients in her nursing
home had gone into a kind of fetal position because of the muscle
locks that can occur in this disease. E-mail me to discuss this more
fully, if you'd like.
POSTED 5/8/2000
KristaJo, North Reading, MA, United States,
<kryshajo@hotmail.com>, 46, Female, Catholic, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
58200063706
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