Best of the Week
Of May 17, 1998
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of May 17, 1998, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from previous
weeks, also can be found in their respective
archives, which we invite you to browse.
There, you will find questions that have received answers, as well as
questions still awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any
questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask
any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
THE QUESTION:
GE30: My girlfriend always gets
on my case for "checking out" other women. She told me recently that
she thinks there are fewer good-looking guys than good-looking women.
After paying closer attention, I almost agree. Does anyone else
agree, or do males look more because we are hornier and/or just pay
more attention?
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Jeremy, 19, white male <Jeremy@cac.net>, Detroit, MI
ANSWER 1:
I agree: There
are more good-looking women than men. I noticed this when I
was in grade school, and again in the work force. If you even look at
male models, most are not "handsome" but would instead be considered
"good looking." The only explanation I can think of is that more
women are willing to work at being good looking than men are.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
Apryl P., black <apryl@mail-me.com>, Oak Park, MI
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THE QUESTION:
RE53: Is the "Year of Jubilee"
intended just for Israel, or worldwide?
POSTED MAY 14, 1998
Julie J., 39, Ypsilanti, MI
ANSWER 1:
The "Year of Jubliee" refers
to the 50th anniversary of the State of Israel. However, "Year of
Jubilee" is loaned from the Bible. There, it is referred to as a
special year that occurs every 50 years. By that year, all slaves are
freed, and all lands go back to their original owners, etc. The
Jewish people long ago lost count of the Jubilee. They haven't
,though, lost count of the "Shmita," which occurs every seven years,
at which time all land-work is forbidden (in Israel only).
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
Efrat N., Jerusalem, Israel
FURTHER NOTICE:
I would have to answer by
saying yes and yes. Isreal is made up of 12 tribes. The state of
Isreal is home to the tribe of Judah, only one of the twelve. The
rest are worldwide.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
Michael H., <mlh63@hotmail.com>, Nashville, Tenn.
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THE QUESTION:
R158: I am an American teaching
in Japan. My students sometimes ask me if it's true that Japanese
women have the reputation (outside of Japan) of being "easy"
sexually. I had never heard this before. Have others heard this?
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
Joseph S., 35 <shaules@rikkyo.ac.jp>, Tokyo
ANSWER 1:
I live and work in Japan. I
have heard this stereotype about Japanese women before - quite a bit
before I arrived and even more since then. I believe this image
flourishes because of a misconception that sexual behavior in Japan
is influenced by the fact that Christianity is a minority religion
here. While I am willing to acknowledge that in my experience there
is less of an "immoral" stigma in Japan to having many partners, I
don't think this is any different from the United States. Many have
the misconception that being Christian "equals" being sexually moral,
while not being a Christian means having looser sexual values. I have
come across many missionary personnel working in Japan, and they seem
to have this opinion.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
Tom <tmjast@hotmail.com>, Japan
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THE QUESTION:
R47: Lately I have heard that
some minority groups are upset with the Taco Bell commercial that
features the little dog. What exactly is the problem, and is it worth
pulling the comercial?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
M. Melville <mark@high-eng.com>, Howell, MI
(Similar question posted April 15, 1998, by T. Mc., Irish, of
Detroit)
ANSWER 1:
Some Hispanics, especially
Mexican Americans, feel offended by the Taco Bell commercial because
of its symbolism. The Chihuahua is Mexican, and many Hispanics feel
the ad is making fun of this particular "culture or country" by using
the dog for advertising purposes. It might look funny to most of us,
but if you place yourself in their shoes, you might understand the
offensiveness. A similar thing happened with one of the last
Seinfeld episodes, in which Kramer burned a Puerto
Rican flag by accident. This was very offensive to many Puerto
Ricans. As a result, the Puerto Rican Association expressed its
discontent with the scene, and NBC apologized. It might not be the
same, but it shows that mocking and making fun of other people might
not be funny for everybody - something we should respect as human
beings.
M.T., Puerto Rican female <cafe539@aol.com>, Lawton, OK
FURTHER NOTICE:
To M.T.: Advertisers have
been using animals in general, and "talking dogs" in particular, to
hawk products since forever. I seached my local paper and found two
activists who claim the ads are offensive, but neither says exactly
why. What is using the chihuahua supposed to symbolize?
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Jay B., 38, black male <jayboyd@ameritech.net>, Detroit, MI
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THE QUESTION:
R271: I plan to go through
medical school within the next two to three years. I am without a
mate and am afraid that if I meet and marry someone who is not
African American, I will be looked upon as a typical "brotha" who
made it and then shunned his "sistas," when that would not be the
case at all. Should I make extra efforts to be with a woman of color,
or should finding true love in any form be my No. 1 priority?
POSTED MAY 15, 1998
Traye O., 24, African American <doctraye@aol.com>, Seattle, WA
ANSWER 1:
I think love is color-blind.
Choosing someone because they are of a particular ethnic or religious
background is detrimental to the pursuit of true happiness. I have
found that not limiting my spousal selection to my racial backround
has been the best decision of my life. I think it might be in your
best interests to ask yourself if you are strong enough to deal with
the prejudice that you need to face with someone outside of your
ethnic background. But remember, if you are true to your heart, then
dating someone of a different ethnic or religious background won't be
selling out.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
T. Jazz <tmjast@hotmail.com>, Morioka, Iwate, Japan
FURTHER NOTICE:
Finding true love is your
priority. However, it seems you already have it in your mind that you
will not find a black woman. If you want a "sista" you will find one,
but if you choose to date or marry outside of your race, there will
be plenty of choices, especially as a black doctor. Statistics show
that interracial dating and marriages are on the rise dramatically,
especially among black men and white women.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
T. Spen, black female <auset2be@aol.com>, Largo, MD
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THE QUESTION:
C1: I was in a grocery store and
noticed several people in the checkout lanes with thick gold jewelry
and expensive Nike apparel. The thing that got me was that they were
paying with food stamps. Even their small children were wearing
expensive clothes. Why is this?
POSTED MARCH 23, 1998
Jessica G., Lake Orion , MI
ANSWER 1:
The food stamps could have
come at any time. The expensive clothing and jewelry could have been
theirs before they had the need for the food stamps. Or, they could
have received these things as gifts. They may not have been as
expensive as you think. Knock-offs, cheap imitations. If you believed
the users of those Government-issued stamps were doing so under false
pretenses, you should have reported them to the authorities. But what
would you have reported? Remember: There is no way for you to know
when, or how, they got their clothing or jewelry. Or under what
grounds they were issued the coupons
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Apryl P., black <apryl@mail-me.com>
Oak Park, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
While I understand Apryl's
answer, I know that I too have made similiar judgments when I have
seen people apparently misuse foodstamps. Most people making such
judgments are not necessarily prejudiced and/or racist. It's probably
the jealousy that exists in all human beings, some more than in
others. For those inclined to pre-judge people, it enables them to
add a little piece of truthful evidence to their existing paradigm of
people.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Tim, 53, white male <timwise@dgs.net>
Arlington, VA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
It is a reflection of
society's emphasis on the acquisition for material and designer
items. People on welfare or receiving food stamps are no different
from those of us who work for our paychecks. Their visions of the
American dream are no different. They want the nice house, clothes,
cars and money, too. The accumulation of jewelry and designer clothes
is a way of trying to realize those goals.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Suzie, 26 <Ebonique@msn.com>
Queens, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Using food stamps does not
mean you don't work - most of the time it means you are having hard
times and need help. For example, I needed help for a while because
my ex-husband does not pay child support, and I saw people looking at
me negatively, even after a hard day's work. We seem to judge our
fellow Americans so much by what they have. We need to pay attention
to what we can do to help more.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
White female, 39, Jacksonville, FL
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THE QUESTION:
SO35: Why don't Christians who
use Leviticus 20:13 to justify their belief that homosexuality is a
sin not advocate the death penalty for active gays, as that Bible
passage commands?
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
David O., 31, gay, agnostic, Nashville, TN
ANSWER 1:
I am a Christian heterosexual
male who has a "live and let live" attitude, i.e., I'm not a pulpit
pounder and don't get in other peoples' faces about my religion. Some
people who call themselves Christians use ambiguities in the Bible to
alienate people they don't like. I recently saw a group of protestors
on the local news with "God hates fags" signs. What ever happened to
"love thy neighbor"?
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Mark, 23, Christian heterosexual male, Detroit, MI
FURTHER NOTICE:
A lot of Christians lack a
real understanding of the Bible and enjoy quoting scriptures that
back up what they already believe. Lots of people say they follow the
10 Commandments, but I bet no one in America can say they "observe
the Sabbath day (Saturday) by keeping it holy" and not working
(Commandment 4, Deuteronomy 5:12). I don't think anyone can
reasonably argue that Christians must follow the laws of the Old
Testament but can decide which ones we think we should follow.
Christians attack gays so much because most of us aren't tempted by
that sin, and therefore it's easy to criticize others who are. I
think this needs to change, but I also think that Biblically,
practicing homosexuality is a sin and should be looked at in the same
light as any other sin - as something God wants to help us stop
doing.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Scott H., Christian, 19, Irving, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R60: I would like to know why
black people refer to themselves as African American. I am of
Canadian descent but I don't refer to myself as a French American or
Canadian American.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
R. Dandeneau, 52, white male, Georgia.
ANSWER 1:
Africans in America have been
searching for their own identity since their history has been negated
and they realized they were never going home again. We have gone from
Negro to black to Afro-American to African American and back to
black. I am offended by being called African American, particularly
when others of non-American descent find no need to attach "American"
to their heritage.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Myra, African, 42, Milwaukee, WI
FURTHER NOTICE:
Good point. I�ve been Negro
(on my birth certificate), Colored, black and now African American.
Do you think they put this to a vote? I may wake up tomorrow and be a
man of color. Why not a man of kindness. I kind�ve like the term
black. And that�s the term I will use. So feel free to call me a
black man and I will acknowledge you. Call me African American and I
will probably ignore you. Call me an American and I will be your good
friend. Most blacks know very little about the real Africans. I know
a few Africans, and many Africans don�t even like black Americans.
The word "black" does causes a few minor problems to whites not
exposed to blacks, but it�s not a big problem. When my son was in
pre-school, one of the counselors insisted to my son that his skin
color was black. He said it was brown. I had explained to her that
his race is black, but his skin color was indeed brown.
Jeffrey S., 42, black <starkej@aol.com>, Pensacola, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Jeffrey makes a good point. I
realize all of us should be proud of our heritage, but I think terms
like African-American or European-American or Asian-American tend to
be divisive. If you were born in America or became a citizen, you're
American. We should not have to state the obvious for fear of not
being politically correct. If I see you're black, I know you have
African heritage. If you'd see me, you'd know I have European
heritage, etc. I would love to see the day when we are all
comfortable enough with each other and our differences to not have to
worry about these types of classifications.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
S.M., 31, white male, Detroit, MI
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THE QUESTION:
R268: My wife says blacks at her
work have confided to her that blacks envy blacks who are
lighter-skinned than themselves. They told her the lighter you are,
the more desirable you are, and the darker you are, the less
desirable. Has anyone else encountered this belief?
POSTED MAY 14, 1998
Dirtydog 53, white male <dirtydog@globalsite.net>, Richmond, IN
ANSWER 1:
Your wife heard correctly:
There was/is a prejudice in the black community that favors those
with lighter skin. I'm trying to remember an old rhyme, if I'm off I
hope someone will correct me: "If you're white/light(?), you're all
right. If you're brown, stick around. If you're black, get
back!"
This dates back to the slavery era.
My guess is that after constantly being bombarded with the notion
that black equals inferior, the notion eventually took hold in the
minds of the slaves. Therefore, those blacks who inherited physical
features more typical of their masters came to be seen as more
attractive.
Among the free black population,
prior to and after the Civil War, those who inhabited the black
upper-classes tended to be lighter-skinned. And fortunes were made on
cosmetics that would lighten skin and straighten hair. Even today, if
one takes the time to watch a few black music videos, one will notice
that very few "sisterlyl-sisters" are cast to shake their moneymakers
in front of the camera.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Jay B., black male <jayboyd@ameritech.net>, Detroit, MI
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