Best of the Week
of May 23, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of May 23, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from
previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our new database using
our search form, or, in the case of
answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Why are there services for men to search for wives in foreign
countries, but none for women to search for husbands?
POSTED 5/27/99
Char L., Eugene, OR, United States, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Disability Evaluator, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg
ID 5269990434
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Question:
I had heard that hair is as important to African American women as
body image is to white women. Is this true?
POSTED 2/22/99
Amy H., N/A, KS, United States, 22, Female, Mesg ID 2229940300
Responses:
I believe that in this culture of the commercials for shiny,
swinging, witchcraft, 'Breck Girl' hair, the struggle most black
women have gone through/are going through with hair 'problems'
remains a subject both touchy and personal - our "dirty little
secret."
On the professional front, natural, African-textured hair has
traditionally not been acceptable (over the years, people have become
a bit more enlightened about it). The sad thing is that on more
personal levels, many black people do not accept African-textured
hair. Sneers of 'nappy head,' 'bald-headed,' 'you need a perm' or
worse have been directed toward black women who dared not wear other
peoples' hair or dared not to perm or otherwise straighten their
hair. Those are blatant examples of the lessons of self-hatred that
have been reinforced in us for so long.
It's heartbreaking to see baby girls with piles of hair attached
to their heads because their natural hair is not accepted. I am glad
more and more black women are realizing their natural beauty and
accepting and treating their 'unmanageable' hair as the crowing glory
it is. We don't have to mimic the white look to be beautiful. For the
black women with naturally straighter or looser-curled hair, it is
indeed beautiful, and so is my tighter-curled, thick and course hair.
I am happy in my decision to "go natural."
POSTED 5/27/99
Siobhan, Baltimore, MD, United States,
<siobhan_101@hotmail.com> , Female, Black/African American,
Mesg ID 5279963521
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Question:
To Muslims: Do you generally view Christians as enemies?
POSTED 5/27/99
Matt S., San Diego, CA, United States, Male, Christian, Mesg ID
5279961610
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Question:
Should high school teachers have the right to punish students for
merely demonstrating their right of free speech, including using "bad
language"?
POSTED 5/27/99
Jack R., Sutter Creek, CA, United States, <dantone@cdepot.net>
, 17, Male, High school student, Mesg ID 5279962454
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Question:
Why do joints occasionally pop and crack when they are flexed? What
causes the noise?
POSTED 5/12/99
James J., Laguna Beach, CA, United States,
<jgjlaw@earthlink.net> , 50, Male, Episcopalian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Attorney, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
class, Mesg ID 5129971441
Responses:
DIRECTOR'S NOTE: Y? contacted chiropractor Jerome F.
McAndrews, national spokesman for the American Chiropractic
Association in Arlington, VA. Here is his response:
When the surface of one joint is moved rather rapidly along the
surface of the joint with which it is articulating, it theoretically
breaks a vacuum that is present between the two surfaces, which are
wet with a lubricating fluid (in normal joint tissues). This rapid
change in the internal pressure in the joint causes the audible sound
- or cavitation - to occur; a 'pop,' if you will. It is most often
heard when a person 'cracks' his/her knuckles. The same principle is
at work in a spinal joint. The sound is indicative of motion having
been produced between the two surfaces of the articulation.
POSTED 5/26/99
Jerome F. McAndrews, Arlington, VA, United States, Male, Spokesman,
American Chiropractic Association, Mesg ID 52699100739
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Question:
I'm an Asian girl living in Sweden. My parents emigrated from Vietnam
but are Chinese. There is sort of an Asian community here in my city,
but it's a bit ghetto-like. My family is better off financially, so
we live in an all-Swede/white suburb. For that reason, and the fact
that my father persisted in making sure his children learn Swedish
properly, my Chinese is very poor. I understand it, but I can't speak
Chinese. My self-confidence is greatly affected; I am very ashamed
that I can't speak my mother tongue, and my parents' friends also say
I should be. I was wondering if there is greater acceptance of this
problem in the United States, or if Asians all over the world demand
that their children be fluent in Chinese? Also, does anyone my age
have the same problem? If so, please write to me.
POSTED 5/26/99
Mandy, N/A, NA, Sweden, <mandis_@hotmail.com> , 18, Female,
Asian, Student, Mesg ID 5149921506
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Question:
I have heard single friends and acquaintances (basically
white-collar, middle-class people) say they would prefer not to date
blue-collar, working-class people; that numerous differences in
values and goals are just too difficult to overcome to try to make
such a relationship successful. Moreover, an invisible boundary line
seems to separate union workers from salaried employees, even if
earning similar incomes. How common and valid is this attitude? I
would like to hear from others about their experiences - good or bad
- with dating or maintaining romantic relationships with people from
different socioeconomic backgrounds.
POSTED 1/11/99
DykeOnByke, Southfield, MI, United States, <DykeOnByke@aol.com>
, Female, Engineer, Mesg ID 1119963645
Responses:
Call me elitist, but I would not date or marry someone outside my
class. I divorced someone who was blue-collar and had only some
college, while I'm white-collar, upper-middle class and have a
master's degree plus. For me it's the issue of sensibility: I really
disliked my working-class ex-husband's sense of fatalism, his
poor-mouthing, martyr stance of being exploited by the haves while he
was a have-not. I disliked his complacency and lack of taking
advantage of opportuniities for advancement (he was a college police
officer; every year he was given three free credits and never took a
class). I met my current husband online, on an e-mail discussion list
for literature. What I like about him is his literary temperament and
sensibility, and his creativeness. His education and his being
extremely well-read make him more open to other options in life, as
well as a better creative thinker. Also, my ex-husband was incredibly
insecure and basically asexual. (I think he was clinically depressed
and possibly latently gay but couldn't deal with it.) I've found for
myself, having grown up in the South, that blue-collar, lower-middle
class and below people are extremely rigid about gender roles and
sexuality. For example, the more education one has, the more one is
open to and willing to experiment with sex. As always, there are
exceptions; people can't be classified. But in summary, for me it's a
matter of temperament, sensibility and cultural programming ... and
let's not forget money: The more you have, the more options in life
you have. The less you have, the fewer options. And poverty or wealth
tends to colors one's perception of the world.
POSTED 5/24/99
Katie, Los Angeles, CA, United States, <pusskat1@yahoo.com> ,
31, Female, Episcopalian, White/Caucasian, Straight but not narrow,
Teacher, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID
5229970409
I resent the stereotypes made about the working class. If you
spent more time with those lower than you (as you seem to see them),
you'd find that many blue-collar workers are fully able to converse
about subjects other than fast cars and beer, and that most of them
have a better grasp on the reality of daily life than you educated
folk do. As a temp worker, I am consistently amazed at how little the
"educated," upper class, white collar people I work with know about
anything other than how to keep their picket fences white and their
lawns perfectly green. These are people who make more a year than I
do in five, yet wouldn't know the difference between Bukowski and
Berkowitz and believe that Turkey is nothing more than something you
have on Thanksgiving. I refuse to limit myself to one class when I
make decisions about who to spend time with. You can learn so much
just by expanding your horizons just a little bit. As far as money is
concerned, if that is your criteria in choosing another person, then
I feel sorry for you. There is so much more to life than overpriced
theater tickets, expensive restaurants and trips to the South of
France.
POSTED 5/26/99
Brian, Minneapolis, MN, United States, 33, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Temp Slave, 4 Years of College, Lower
class, Mesg ID 5269930331
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Question:
Earlier this month, the Makah Indians participated in a traditional
hunt of the gray whale. There was a great deal of protest during the
hunt, and also a great deal of criticism after the fact. Do you think
the Makah had the right to hunt the whale? Or do you think the
criticism was valid?
POSTED 5/24/99
John K., Cranford, NJ, United States, <the-macs@geocities.com>
, 25, Male, Chemical Engineer, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 5219984021
Responses:
On the surface it would seem that the Makah did have the right to
hunt the whales. After all, it was tradition. The problem lies in the
fact that they voluntarily stopped the tradition 70 years ago, before
there were any "Save the Whale"-type movements. I am a firm believer
in tradition, but since the Makah stopped it themselves, I do not
think they should have been allowed to hunt the whales. The fact that
they are endangered is another reason they should not have. The whale
is no longer necessary for their survival.
POSTED 5/24/99
Jeni B., Boston, MA, United States, 33, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Computer Technician, Over 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 5249940411
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Question:
As a black homeowner in a racially mixed subdivision, I've noticed
that my Caucasian neighbors spend much more time on lawn care. Do
Caucasians see lawn care as basic home maintenance, or is it more of
a hobby?
POSTED 5/20/99
Carolyn L., Indianapolis, IN, United States, 36, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Manager, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 52099112237
Responses:
I too live in a racially mixed neighborhood. Actually, it's mixed
in other ways too, which is what makes it fun for me. And I don't
understand why different people become so obsessed with lawns. In my
neighborhood, I think that the difference has more to do with whether
people have a "suburban lawn" or an "urban, ivy, flowers and other
ground covers" mentality. Yesterday, one of my colleagues, who's
black, told me that when house-hunting with her husband (also black),
she was appalled when he said any house with a big yard would mean
he'd have to buy a tractor and riding mower. And a big yard meant one
as small as a quarter-acre. So maybe it's a guy thing.
POSTED 5/22/99
Tom L., Washington, DC, United States, Male, White/Caucasian, Gay,
Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 52199112542
I am Caucasian, and I have noticed the inordinate amount of time,
money, and chemical products that people use to maintain lawns. I
live in an area that is 98 percent Caucasian. However, I rebelled
against what I see as a ridiculous pursuit to have a perfect yard. We
built a house in a rural area after leaving a suburban subdivision
where a perfect lawn was expected by the neighbors. Because our lawn
had weeds, and we hated the idea of chemicals, our white next-door
neighbor yelled and screamed until we finally sold the house because
of her. Ironically, the best-looking yard belonged to the only black
family in the area. Their yard actually won an award from the town
for "best-looking lawn." They even had beautiful bonsais growing in
their yard. Although I've given this subject plenty of thought, I
never associated it as a racial phenomenon.
POSTED 5/22/99
Helen S., Corvallis, OR, United States, 43, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Upper class, Mesg ID 5219995612
Historically, white Americans have obsessed on their lawns and
home exteriors. This is also a generational thing, as the 1950s
"Keeping up with the Joneses" mentality is now that of the retirement
generation. In our situation, we are thirty-something and live in a
largely retirement-age community (we like our house and like the
location). There are scads of homeowners association regulations, and
we do just what we have to for compliance. We have other priorities.
Left to our own devices, we'd probably just let weeds flourish and
not force grass to grow where it doesn't want to. We use a simple
manual lawn mower. To sum up, it's not so much a racial thing as it
is generational and also based on how much you care what other people
think when they drive by. We'd prefer people judge us by the content
of the character we aspire to, rather than what we have or what our
house looks like.
POSTED 5/22/99
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 38, Male, Traditional
(Pre-Vatican II) Catholic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 52299123424
As a white person, I believe lawn care is basic home maintenance.
Gardening is a hobby. Lawn care is not. If one does not have a nice
looking yard, it does not look good. I was in a black neighborhood. I
assume it was black because the person I visited was black, plus the
look of some of the houses and yards. There was a car on the front
lawn! Some houses looked run-down. Grass on some lawns was a foot
high. As wrong as it is to think this, I was uneasy about leaving my
brand new car out on the street in that neighborhood. Now, I live
walking distance from a black neighborhood. It's a nice area. Most of
the houses and yards look great and immaculate.
POSTED 5/22/99
Beth G., Selden, NY, United States, <bethina@myworldmail.com> ,
25, Female, Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Production
assistant, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 5229915834
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Question:
I know of a teacher who is deliberately providing historically
inaccurate information about the role of minority groups in building
this nation. How does one handle this within the school systems?
POSTED 5/20/99
Sarah, Athens, AL, United States, <ss464296@oak.cats.ohiou.edu>
, Female, Mesg ID 5209980025
I think it depends on whether you know that the teacher's
information is false or not. Many teachers (particularly in the
humanities) in recent years have revised their "traditional" lessons
in light of new/objective information. Teachers have done this to
help academia become more inclusive of students from various
backgrounds, as well as to correct historical inaccuracies spawned,
in many cases, by prejudice. For example, I believe it was once
common practice to teach that America was "discovered" by Europeans.
Today that lesson is debated and in many cases refuted. So, can you
document in a number of reputable sources that the teacher's
"minority history" is false? If so, I agree that action should be
taken with the local school board and parents association.
POSTED 5/21/99
Randy H., Silver Spring, MD, United States, <rh141n@nih.gov> ,
25, Male, Agnostic, Black/African American, Straight, 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 5219912736
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Question:
Why is it that a well-dressed person walking in a department store or
mall gets asked to try things out, like perfume or makeovers? I
cannot afford the luxury of always looking like I'm on my way to a
wedding, but I do like to be asked once in a while. Yet I get
overlooked most of the time. Why?
POSTED 5/24/99
Rebecca W., Evansville, IN, United States, <bekej@webtv.net> ,
27, Female, Baptist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Housewife, High
School Diploma , Mesg ID 52199100419
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Question:
I have a question about the rebel flag. Why does it seem to make
black people angry? I have a tattoo of one with purple wings. I
thought it was pretty. I see it on many different things, but I get
bad looks or nasty comments.
POSTED 5/24/99
Rebecca W., Evansville, IN, United States, <bekej@webtv.net> ,
27, Female, Baptist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Homemaker, High
School Diploma , Lower class, Mesg ID 5219995311
Responses:
I'm kind of surprised you don't know the answer to the question
you asked. It would be the same as asking why a Jewish person would
be offended if you had a tattoo of a Nazi flag. The rebel flag was
symbolic of the slavery system created and maintained by Southerners
before the Civil War. The rebels fought to maintain that system of
slavery. They lost. Flying and honoring and tattooing that flag could
be and is interpreted to mean that you still believe in the things
represented by the South, including slavery. Most people who still
feel that way are members of the Aryan brotherhood or other
right-wing violent organizations. So that would make you scary to
black folks, right?
POSTED 5/24/99
Sara, Oakland, CA, United States, Female, Pentecostal, Black/African
American, Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class , Mesg ID
5249914240
How can you not recognize that the rebel flag is synonymous with
the KKK, hate, slavery and various other unsavory memories of
America? Some people argue it's a "white thing" or a "Southern
thing," but as a white Southerner, let me assure you it's a racist
thing, pure and simple. It is a revolting symbol for many people,
just as the swastika will likely always be associated with Nazi
Germany and the holocaust. If you wanted something pretty, a
butterfly would have sufficed. Some people would argue that the rebel
flag should be remembered and is emblematic of a proud old South, but
for me the south is better remembered for its sweet tea and
magnolias. Ya'll can have the rebel flag, for all I care.
POSTED 5/26/99
Kat, Birmingham, AL, United States, 28, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Consultant, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 52499101830
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