Best of the Week
of May 30, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of May 30, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from
previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our new database using
our search form, or, in the case of
answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Recently I heard about the "Model Minority Myth," in which people see
the Asian assimilation into society as a remarkable success story
that should be emulated in this diverse society. They are seen as the
"model minority." This makes me feel a bit uneasy as an Asian
American. What do others think about this myth?
POSTED 6/1/99
Joe A., Livonia, MI, United States, <jopong@aol.com> , 27,
Male, Asian, Mesg ID 619914600
Responses:
That model minority myth was actually begun in the 1960s, not to
compliment Asians, but to attack blacks and Latinos for not
assimilating. In other words, "Asians are successful by working hard
and being passive, why don't you do the same instead of protesting
for your rights?" Obviously the myth has some ugly false assertions:
1) Asians are passive. 2) All Asians are successful. (Go to any
immigrant community and you'll see differently.) 3) Working hard is
the only thing worthwhile for non-whites to do, not fighting against
injustice. 4) Assimilation is presumed to not harm people. 5) White
society will let non-whites assimilate. 6) Black and Latino poverty
is due to "laziness" or a "culture of poverty." These assertions are
all racist scapegoating made by, interestingly, one of the most
famous U.S. liberals, Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan. These assertions
are also widely rejected now in the social sciences.
POSTED 6/3/99
A.C.C., San Antonio, TX, United States, Mexican and American Indian,
Grad student in history, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
6299105108
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Question:
I recently left Christianity and have found an increased biased
against anyone who isn't Christian in the United States. I suppose
that isn't too surprising if you read history, but still, I was
wondering about public opinion: Do you think a President will ever be
elected who is not Christian?
POSTED 6/2/99
Zac, Pensacola, FL, United States, Male, Pagan, White/Caucasian, Mesg
ID 5309920501
Responses:
As a Pagan, I regretfully have to say "No, not in this lifetime."
Where I live (San Francisco Bay Area), Pagans are very common. In
most of the rest of the country, Christianity is the dominant
religion (about 80 percent of the population) and many are very
conservative. Sadly, it seems remote that a Jew could be elected
President (and Judaism is a mainstream religion). There is still too
much narrow-mindedness for that. I think this country could use a
Pagan president.
POSTED 6/3/99
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30s, Female, Pagan, Straight, 2
Years of College, Mesg ID 629971440
As an American Jew, I've known all my life what you are now
discovering; that in the United States anyone who is not a Christian
is a barely tolerated heathen. I'm not bitter about it; it's just the
facts of life about living in a country where 90 percent of the
population is of a faith whose principle tenet is that all persons of
any other faith are heretics who will burn in eternal hellfire. But
to answer the question: I have no doubt that the United States will
never, ever, elect a non-Christian president. After all, JFK was
Catholic, and he faced an awful lot of criticism as a heathen.
POSTED 6/3/99
Jesse N., Herzliya, NA, Israel, 40, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian,
Engineer, 4 Years of College , Upper middle class, Mesg ID 639933256
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Question:
I was always taught that you should only burn your bright auto
headlights when you need the extra visibility and there is neither
oncoming traffic nor anyone in front of you. I suppose some people
were never taught this, and it is a major reason I do not drive at
night unless I have to. It is much more prevalent in rural areas of
the South, for some reason. Do they not teach this in drivers'
education anymore, or is this just rude people who don't care who
they're blinding?
POSTED 6/2/99
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 619980833
Responses:
I'm in the South, too, and find that rural areas are a problem,
for two reasons: 1) More trucks on the road with "higher" low beams,
either because they ride so high off the ground that they appear
brighter, or because they actually are stronger, and 2) If you're
unaccustomed to passing lots of other cars, you can quickly forget to
dim them, just from a lack of practice. Often I've flipped my high
beams on while driving the backroads and more often than not gotten
blinded for the effort - what I thought were high beams were actually
just powerful low beams. I think this is still taught in Driver's Ed,
but I doubt it's a question of rudeness.
POSTED 6/2/99
Kat, Birmingham, AL, United States, 28, Female, Methodist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Consultant, Over 4 Years of College,
Middle class, Mesg ID 6299101633
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Question:
Why is it that people are so against smoking, yet support drinking? I
was smoking a cigarette once and had a guy tell me that "Smoking will
kill ya" ... and he was holding a beer! I've seen so many people ruin
and end their lives (and other people's lives) because of alcohol. I
admit that both are harmful, but why doesn't anyone else notice the
alcohol problems like I do? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person
left in this country who isn't getting drunk all the time.
POSTED 6/2/99
Christine, Hibbing, MN, United States, 22, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Reservations Sales Agent, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 5309974728
Responses:
Maybe it is because alcohol in moderation is not harmful; in
fact, a glass of wine with your dinner can even be good for your
heart. The problems with alcohol are related to excessive drinking,
whereas smoking is unhealthy, period. There are no health benefits
related to smoking.
POSTED 6/3/99
C.P., Montreal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 21, Female, Mesg ID 629911221
You can do serious damage by drinking too much, but smoking is
much more harmful. They put deadly chemicals in cigarettes such as
benzine and arscenic that cause many more types of cancer than
drinking. Like smoking, drinking is addictive, but smoking is much
more addictive. I once attended an AA meeting (for support of a
family member), and it was ironic how all the alcholics in the room
were able to give up drinking for extended periods of time, but not
one was able to give up smoking. To put it another way, let's say the
harmful effects of drinking can be represented by a sewing needle,
and smoking represents a butcher's knife. Which would you rather be
impaled with? Also, smoking will harm others from second-hand smoke.
When I was a kid, both my parents smoked, heavily. During that time,
I was in and out of the Children's Hospital with breathing and
allergy problems. Eventually, both my parents quit, and I never again
had an asthma attack. If you're not going to quit smoking for
yourself, do it for others, such as children, the elderly and unborn
babies (you stupid women who smoke during pregnancy should be
shot!).
POSTED 6/3/99
Murray C., Halifax, MA, Canada, 31, Male, Unitarian, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Draftsman, Technical School , Middle class, Mesg ID
6299112543
Smoking is more intrusive than alcohol. I agree that people do
cause harm to others as a result of being intoxicated, but I find
cigarette smoke more intrusive. If I go to a bar, there's more of a
chance that I'll breathe in smoke, and smell like smoke, than someone
spilling beer all over me or punching me in the face. I don't believe
in preaching, so I would never tell someone what they should or
shouldn't be doing, but I would expect some courtesy in return. My
main problem with smoke over alcohol is that (until recently here in
California) the exposure to alcohol was fairly limited, except when
going into a bar - an establishment specializing in alcohol. However,
I could be standing in line waiting to go to a movie and there could
be someone smoking right behind me.
POSTED 6/3/99
Me, San Francisco Bay Area, CA, United States, 25, Male,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class , Mesg
ID 629954537
A person who drinks alcohol responsibly is not a danger to himself
or anyone else. In fact, some studies have shown that drinking a
small amount of alcohol is slightly beneficial to your health.
Smoking, in contrast, has no benefits, and the hazards of second-hand
smoke are well-known. So while alcohol is dangerous only in the hands
of an irresponsible person, cigarettes are always hazardous.
POSTED 6/3/99
Shawn, Fort Worth, TX, United States, <pharaun@aol.com> , 24,
Male, Episcopalian, White/Caucasian, Gay, Flight dispatcher,
Technical School , Middle class, Mesg ID 629983507
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Question:
Why are there services for men to search for wives in foreign
countries, but none for women to search for husbands?
POSTED 5/27/99
Char L., Eugene, OR, United States, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Disability Evaluator, Over 4 Years of College, Mesg
ID 5269990434
Responses:
I believe it is for three reasons: 1) Most American women would
be ashamed to have to resort to a mail order service to find a
husband - most would think it pathetic. 2) Most men do not want to be
in the "one down" position that being a mail order husband would
entail. 3) Of the pool of "excess" men (read poor, Third World men)
that would comprise the majority of mail order husbands, most neither
have the skills needed to find a job here nor the values and
attitudes toward women that would make them good husbands for the
majority of women here.
POSTED 6/1/99
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30's, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID 5319963411
Women will wait for a man. Importing a mate from overseas would
mean the woman would have to seek out her mate. Additionally, men are
more likely to have the financial resources for such endeavor.
POSTED 6/3/99
Christopher D., Arlington, TX, United States,
<ngc1977@hotmail.com> , 23, Male, Christian, White/Caucasian,
Straight, High School Diploma , Lower middle class, Mesg ID
52999122353
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Question:
Should high school teachers have the right to punish students for
merely demonstrating their right of free speech, including using "bad
language"?
POSTED 5/27/99
Jack R., Sutter Creek, CA, United States, <dantone@cdepot.net>
, 17, Male, High school student, Mesg ID 5279962454
Responses:
First, the right of free speech is not absolute for anyone.
Slander, inciting to riot and child pornography are examples of
unprotected speech. Second, minors' rights are further circumscribed
for their protection and instruction. This may seem unfair. You are
17, only one year from being legally an adult. But the line has to be
drawn somewhere, and right now, for many things, that age is 18.
Finally, the atmosphere of a school is a special case. Teachers have
the obligation to ensure that all students have the opportunity to
learn. If one student is being disruptive, for example by using foul
or hateful language, others are being robbed of the chance to learn
in a non-threatening atmosphere. (Now if teachers are shutting
students up because they don't want to hear an opposing viewpoint,
that's another issue, one that probably should be addressed by
parents.)
Look on these restrictions as a challenge. It is really an
opportunity to grow. In the adult world you will not always be able
to say what you want, when you want, to anyone you want. People will
challenge your views, and you will have to defend them with a
logical, reasoned argument. You will frequently have to use tact,
diplomacy and a sense of decorum (being able to discern the proper
time and place to make your point). High school is a good place to
learn.
POSTED 5/27/99
Stacee, Houston, TX, United States, 30, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, TV production, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 5279992259
You bring up an important point about free speech. Does a person
have the right to "offend" someone? Loud rap music blaring from a car
with several hundred amps of stereo power has been outlawed in some
communities (and I daresay rightly so). A teacher should have the
right and obligation to keep his students in control. I had to eat
soap when I was a child when I said a bad word on the playground. The
ultra-liberal NEA has made a doormat out of freedom of speech, and
look what it has brought us.
POSTED 6/1/99
Roy R., Reno, NV, United States, <royrudy@powernet.net> , 37,
Male, Mesg ID 53199114006
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Question:
I'm an Asian girl living in Sweden. My parents emigrated from Vietnam
but are Chinese. There is sort of an Asian community here in my city,
but it's a bit ghetto-like. My family is better off financially, so
we live in an all-Swede/white suburb. For that reason, and the fact
that my father persisted in making sure his children learn Swedish
properly, my Chinese is very poor. I understand it, but I can't speak
Chinese. My self-confidence is greatly affected; I am very ashamed
that I can't speak my mother tongue, and my parents' friends also say
I should be. I was wondering if there is greater acceptance of this
problem in the United States, or if Asians all over the world demand
that their children be fluent in Chinese? Also, does anyone my age
have the same problem? If so, please write to me.
POSTED 5/26/99
Mandy, N/A, NA, Sweden, <mandis_@hotmail.com> , 18, Female,
Asian, Student, Mesg ID 5149921506
Responses:
My parents, like yours, wanted to ensure that I mastered the
local language, English. My parents felt that I would be better
prepared for English-speaking society if I concentrated on English,
rather than split my attention between English and Chinese. It was a
practical decision: I grew up in the Midwestern United States, in a
city that had a very small Chinese community and no Chinese schools.
I sometimes regret my lack of Chinese language skills. My parents
speak English, but Chinese is their 'true' language, one that I don't
share. I would like to better communicate with my family members who
still live in Taiwan and/or do not speak English well, if at all. And
I still feel a little embarrassed when other Chinese (especially
older ones) cluck at me for not speaking the mother tongue.
However, my parents' approach worked: I can speak and write
English well (at least, I hope so!). Because I spend more time in
English-speaking society than in Chinese-speaking society, my Chinese
language skills do not hurt my ability to chase my dreams in this
country.
In addition, language is but a part of one's Chinese identity. It
is more important to have Chinese 'values.' You don't need to speak
the tongue in order to appreciate the importance of your family.
Finally, if you still think that your failure to learn to speak
Chinese was a mistake, remember that the 'mistake' was not yours, but
your parents' - you are not responsible for the manner of your own
upbringing. If speaking Chinese is important to you, it is never too
late to learn. Most colleges offer Chinese courses (at least in the
United States), and you can learn Chinese from your parents and/or
friends. (I assume from your age that you are in or will soon enter
college.) There are always opportunities around you.
Do not feel that you are alone, and do not feel ashamed of
yourself. I, and many of my Chinese-American friends, grew up
speaking English only. It's a natural outcome of the efforts of
Chinese-heritage immigrants to adapt to and establish roots in new
cultures. Never believe - not even for a minute - that something is
wrong with you, that your worth or the strength of your character
depends on what language you speak. Feel free to write me back.
POSTED 6/2/99
Bert T., N/A, NA, United States, <BTzeng@KelleyDrye.com> ,
Male, Chinese, Mesg ID 629970402
Anyone who tries to take away your dignity is not your friend.
Don't invest any value you have of yourself in anyone who tries to
take away your dignity. Of my family, I was the only one born and
completely educated in the United States. I haven't picked up Chinese
because to do so would require a system of learning Chinese that has
never been made available to me. There are some people who were
raised in American education, and have picked up their parents'
native languages, because they can handle a flood of information.
That is a strength. But just because you and I can't handle that
flood of information doesn't mean we don't have our own strengths.
Find your strength first, and nurture that, then worry about fitting
in. As for the acceptsance of not knowing Chinese in the United
States, that has varied depending on where I have lived. In
homogenous communities, either all white or all Chinese, there has
been less acceptance. People from these communities are less likely
to imagine living outside of a prescribed lifestyle. Heterogenous
communities, with mixed ethnicities, do not attract people who
subscribe to prescribed lifestyles. In other words, do some research
and find someplace where you will be valued for who you are. I
promise that the people who tell you you should be ashamed will not
follow you.
POSTED 6/2/99
Mike L., Walnut Creek, CA, United States,
<leungm@ix.netcom.com> , 29, Male, Asian, 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 5309943901
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Question:
Why is it that a well-dressed person walking in a department store or
mall gets asked to try things out, like perfume or makeovers? I
cannot afford the luxury of always looking like I'm on my way to a
wedding, but I do like to be asked once in a while. Yet I get
overlooked most of the time. Why?
POSTED 5/24/99
Rebecca W., Evansville, IN, United States, <bekej@webtv.net> ,
27, Female, Baptist, White/Caucasian, Straight, Housewife, High
School Diploma , Mesg ID 52199100419
Responses:
I think it's because they earn commission and don't want to
"waste time" on someone who looks like they don't have enough money
to spend on perfume or makeup. I've noticed the same thing, and it
drives me crazy. If I dress up to go to the mall, the workers won't
leave me alone; if I dress as I normally do, they often ignore me.
However, I'm not shy about asking for the free perfume sample, and
they usually smile kindly and give it to me.
POSTED 5/26/99
S.R., Austin, TX, United States, 21, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Student, Mesg ID 5249931729
When the merchants see someone who looks well-to-do, they assume
they have a lot of money to spend. So they cater more to them in the
hopes they'll part with some of that cash. If they think a person
doesn't have $500 to spend on a two-ounce bottle of perfume, they
won't "waste their time." That's a stupid assumption. Sam Walton used
to drive around in a dirty pick-up truck with overalls and work
boots, and if he walked into a store, I doubt if he would be asked if
he wanted to sample cologne. They would have no idea, however, that
as the owner of Wal-Mart he was worth billions. Their loss.
POSTED 5/26/99
Kenny G., Chicago, IL, United States, <KennyG9@yahoo.com> , 34,
Male, Catholic, Black/African American, Straight, Marketing, 4 Years
of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 5249915613
I have the same problem, compounded by the fact that I look like a
20-year-old college kid. Salespeople often try to use clothing (and
age, and unfortunately often race) to judge a potential customer's
income and buying power. Some are on commission and see casually
dressed customers as a waste of time. Others have just not been
trained to give proper service to all customers. Still others are
just plain lazy. When I was in college, I worked at a fine women's
shoe store. I learned very quickly that a customer's dress indicated
NOTHING about income level and certainly did not indicate readiness
to buy. In fact, my largest sale ever was to a woman in jeans,
t-shirt, and worn sneakers. She was the wife of an oompah band
leader, and she bought 800 dollars worth of shoes and bags for
Oktoberfest season!
POSTED 5/26/99
Stacee, Houston, TX, United States, 30, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, TV production, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 5249944024
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