Best of the Week
of June 10, 2001
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of June 10, 2001, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
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guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
I used to work in a bookstore that specialized in religious
books. By far the most shoplifted items were Islamic books and books
on Islam. We estimated that we caught about 50 percent of the
shoplifters. Of the ones we caught, about 80 percent were trying to
steal Islamic materials. Of that 80 percent, all were black. Why so
many black Muslim shoplifters?
POSTED 6/13/2001
Rick, Springfield, OH, United States, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 612200121417
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Question:
Why do so many rational and reasonable people rightly assume
people who believe in ghosts are superstitious lunatics, but then go
to church and worship 'the holy ghost' so that their 'eternal souls'
may be spared from going to hell in the 'afterlife'?
POSTED 6/7/2001
Justin, Chicago, IL, United States, 27, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
672001123415
Responses:
We believe that when people die, their spirits go to Heaven to be
with God if they are born again (believe that Jesus Christ was
crucified for our sins and rose from the dead), or they go to Hell
(Hades) if they rejected the free gift of salvation. Their spirits do
not roam around on the earth. So, if someone sees Great Aunt Jane
walking around, we know it ain't her! It could be an evil spirit
impersonating her, as we do believe in a spirit world of angels and
demons.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Lisa L., Bringhurst, IN, United States, <lupers@geetel.net>,
22, Female, Pentecostal, White/Caucasian, Straight, Homemaker, High
School Diploma, Lower class, Mesg ID 6112001113051
I have no idea whether ghosts exist, but I find it offensive that
you have unilaterally decided and announced that those who believe in
them are lunatics. What happens to a person's soul/spirit/essential
self after the body dies is something that has been pondered for
millennia and will go on being pondered. Science tells us that matter
and energy don't cease to exist but change form. I'm not so arrogant
that I pretend to know how the energy that makes up a person's
essential self changes at the death of the body. The possibility that
this energy can remain in some form is not something I rule out. If
someone has a different opinion from you, that doesn't make them a
lunatic, it just means they have a different opinion.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Jenny, Wellington, NA, New Zealand, 36, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Librarian, Technical School, Lower middle
class, Mesg ID 610200121748
When the Christians were initially spreading their religion
throughout Europe, the people of that region already had religions of
their own - generally referred to as Pagan religions. One of the
strategies used to convince people to convert to Christianity was to
discount the existing religious practices by calling them evil, silly
or crazy. Many of the Pagan religions believed in ghosts and that the
spirits of their ancestors occasionally come back to our world. Near
Halloween is the Pagan new year, when it is believed the division
between our world and the spirit world is lifted and spirits can come
back to visit us. It is interesting to note that the pre-European
people in Mexico believed the same thing - even though there is no
proof of contact between them and pre-Christian Europeans.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Lucy, San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 67200115345
I am a Catholic Christian and most emphatically believe in ghosts.
I believe they are souls in purgatory, waiting to get into heaven but
hindered because they had some kind of attachment here on earth that
keeps them 'stuck in between' for a time. For me, the 'spirit world'
is very real, and in that I would include angels, Christ's presence
at the Mass, and even daily prayer. I have never seen a ghost (i.e.
spirit) but have 'experienced' them, you might say, and do not feel
in the least threatened by this. I feel kind of sorry for people who
do not have this mystical element in their lives.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 40, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 67200144518
For people who are religious (something not in my nature), maybe
they need to latch onto something to believe. It is easier, I
suppose, to believe in a formal religion with lots of social support.
Maybe it is like imprinting a duckling, and has to happen at the
right time in development. By the way, I don't think most people are
as extreme in their opinion of ghost-believers as you imply.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Kate, Denver, CO, United States, 45, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, engineer, Over 4 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 68200115234
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Question:
Do gay, lesbian or transgender people feel discomfort or pay
particular attention when people mention gender or sexuality issues?
Does this have an affect on you in class, the workplace or in social
situations?
POSTED 6/11/2001
R.H., Syracuse, NY, United States, 27, Male, Agnostic,
Black/African American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 65200150316
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Question:
I love black men, I really do, but so many trends that younger
men embrace are unattractive to me. What's the reason for them? I
miss the days of neat haircuts. I am tired of seeing grown men in
corn rows. I am tired of sagging jeans/shorts. Please stop chewing on
straws, and remove the wave cap before coming out in public. It is OK
to be casual, but sloppy is another thing. Sure, some of you may
retort 'expression' or 'individuality,' but if four out of 10 are
doing the same thing, so much for being unique. Take off the sneakers
and tuck in that shirt! Shine like the diamonds you are.
POSTED 6/4/2001
Shionedy, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 26, Female,
Black/African American, Straight, freelance writer, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 5312001100820
Responses:
You hit this one on the head! I agree, but one thing I must say
in conjunction with your thoughts is how these sloppy appearances
also lead to their eventual social demise. Your appearance is the
first door to one's impression of you. By dressing sloppy, others
will look down upon you. When black men do this, the socially-able
white and black society looks down on them - as do whites and blacks
to the white-trash individuals we find covering the slums of America.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Grant M., Los Angeles, CA, United States,
<lawmangm@yahoo.com>, 23, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Student, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
6102001113949
I think the sloppy trends you refer to are hip-hop (rap music
influenced) style. I don't see anything wrong with expressing
yourself and identifying with a group you feel good about. So the
hip-hop style is unattractive to you ... so what? Many people have
different styles, and I prefer a world where there are many types of
people interested in many different things to a world where we all
have the same lame haircut, tight slacks and dress-shirts. The
comments that others have made about hip-hop style being indicative
of social degradation are assinine. Particularly today, when hip-hop
culture is such a money machine, there are many people who rock the
'sloppy style' that make more money than you or I could imagine
(Russell Simmons, Sean Combs and the designers of FUBU wear, to name
a few). If the style is unattractive to you, don't wear it yourself;
otherwise let, people live.
POSTED 6/11/2001
R.H., Syracuse, NY, United States, 27, Male, Agnostic,
Black/African American, Straight, Law Student, Over 4 Years of
College, Middle class, Mesg ID 6112001125819
I agree. Come on, brothas. Get yourselves together. This is one
reason I find black males totally unattractive.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Sheila, Somewhere, CO, United States, Female, Mesg ID 642001113102
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I thought I felt this way because
of my age, but it's good to hear that a young and intelligent black
woman feels the same.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Redeemed One, Newport News, VA, United States, 52, Female,
Baptist, Black/African American, Straight, 4 Years of College, Mesg
ID 652001105500
I agree with you, my Sistah. I, too, dislike the wave caps and all
the things you mentioned. For some strange reason, this has become
acceptable among our men, and get this: Some women like it! I guess
I'm from the old school, when men dressed in suits, and if they did
dress down, they kept their pants up (no sagging). Shionedy, you said
it best: 'Shine like the diamonds you are.'
POSTED 6/11/2001
Lisa, Detroit, MI, United States, 39, Female, Black/African
American, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 652001114654
I agree with you. It's funny that men and women are constantly
searching for the answers to what each other wants, and we're so
willing to tell them exactly what we want and they still don't hear
us. Once and for all, hear our cry: No more baggy jeans! No more
sweatsuits out to dinner! No more sucking on straws! No more
lop-sided afros! Bring on the clean-cut, educated and cultured black
men.
POSTED 6/12/2001
Nicole, Virginia Beach, VA, United States, 24, Female, black and
white, Mesg ID 6122001115615
This reminded me of an unfortunate (to some extent) social reality
regarding being able to be successful. It is similar to the 'Ebonics'
issue in Oakland schools a few years back. If one wants to be
successful in any culture or subculture, one needs to learn how to
speak, act, dress and work in that culture. Speaking 'Ebonics' is not
done in our colleges and businesses, so although it may be a valid
language/dialect, it may hold some young people back from accessing
certain opportunities. Same with dress - I see no problem with any
kind of dress - people should be able to dress however they want.
However, some degree of assimilation or conformity to the groups one
wants to participate in is necessary. The same would hold true for me
or anyone else who moves to Japan or some other country/culture to
live and work.
POSTED 6/13/2001
Mark P., Lincoln, NE, United Kingdom, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, sociology instructor, Over 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 612200112959
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Question:
Two summers ago my family bought a small swimming pool and
installed it along with a deck. Immediately after it was put up, the
two black boys who lived next door, both a couple of years younger
than I, asked if they could go swimming. I didn't have a problem with
this, but told them to ask their mother for permission to be on the
safe side. Their mother told them they couldn't go swimming, which
mystified me. Our pool is only three feet deep, and the only way they
could have drowned in it was if I physically held their heads under
water! Of course I would've been out there with them, and their
mother could've watched to be sure nothing happened if she wanted to.
When I asked my mother about this, she said the black people she knew
were scared of water. I was skeptical about this, but then a friend
got me a subscription to a nearby sports club where we go to play
racquetball. Though there are lots of black people inside on the
workout machines and exercise classes, almost none use the big,
beautiful Olympic-sized swimming pool. Is my mother right? Are some
black people scared of water? I don't see why they should be, if they
learn to swim well.
POSTED 6/11/2001
Jessica B., Jackson, MS, United States, 16, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Less than High School Diploma, Middle
class, Mesg ID 652001105010
Responses:
Black people as a whole are not afraid of water. If you can't
swim, then yes, stay away from it. If the children were girls, maybe
the reason would be that many black women don't have wash-and-go hair
(water can ruin processes done to straighten the hair). Maybe logic
is different down South - hence my reason for never wanting to visit.
POSTED 6/12/2001
Shionedy, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 25, Female,
Black/African American, writer, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 611200141339
My mother and I were just joking about this the other day. I was
saying that I see cultural differences between black and white
Americans with regard to camping and swimming. I never really hear of
many black people (including myself) going camping for the weekend or
going to the beach. The last time I entered a swimming pool was
nearly three years ago. For me, it's not so much that I'm scared of
water, but I just hate the feeling afterward - dry, itchy and cold.
And I have had a few bad experiences while swimming. When I was
younger my parents had enrolled me in a swim class, and on the first
day I ran out of the pool bawling. Years later I almost drowned while
visiting my dad, and again in my eighth-grade swim class, so you can
say swimming is my least favorite hobby. I still would like to learn
because it really is a necessity. But I'm only speaking for myself.
My nephews absolutely love to swim. You'd think they were fish. And
many of my younger cousins do also, so I'm not sure of what to say on
this one. Maybe the boat ride over (Africa to America) has something
to do with it (just kidding).
POSTED 6/12/2001
Lisa, Gaithersburg, MD, United States, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Mesg ID 611200185655
I dont think African Americans are 'afraid.' I, for one, coming
for a city, was not raised where you could get swimming lessons or
swim in a safe place unless you had money - and we certainly did not
have money to spend on swimming. My cousins, on the other hand, were
raised in the South, again without financial means to pay for
swimming. But they had a creek and learned on their own. They are
fantastic swimmers. I think learning to swim is not as much of a
priority if it's not easily accessible.
POSTED 6/12/2001
Gena, Albany, NY, United States, 40, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 612200160253
There are a lot of black people who don't know how to swim in
urban areas. In the past, blacks were barred from public swimming
pools, so they didn't have the opportunity to learn to swim. People
who don't know how to swim are usually afraid of the water because it
is unknown to them, and people often pass their fears onto their
children. In rural areas, the situation is a lot different. There are
usually many places to swim besides a municipal pool such as creeks,
lakes and canals. These places were beyond the reach of the Jim Crow
laws. As a result, blacks in rural areas have always had
opportunities to swim and therefore are not afraid of the water. On a
side note, I have known many black women who don't swim because they
do a lot to their hair to make it straight and smooth. The water will
make it kink up, and then they will have to redo it. So they just
avoid swimming.
POSTED 6/12/2001
Lucy, San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
Engineer, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID 6122001104420
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Question:
My husband and I have a disagreement. He tells me that African
Americans have a slightly different muscle structure than Caucasions.
I told him I have never heard of such a thing in any science or
biology class. There aren't two different diagrams in the science
books in our schools. Can someone put this to rest for us?
POSTED 6/11/2001
Rob M., Warren, MI, United States, 30, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Mother, 2 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
68200174118
Responses:
I have a friend who said the same thing, and he happened to be a
medical student. If you have access to cable, check out one of those
programs on forensic medicine; they, too mention a different in bone
structure between black and white men.
POSTED 6/14/2001
Marco, Chicago, IL, United States, Male, Mesg ID
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Question:
Are women as offended of lesbians as men are of gay males?
POSTED 6/11/2001
Grant M., Los Angeles, CA, United States,
<lawmangm@yahoo.com>, 23, Male, Atheist, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Student, 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
6102001112704
Responses:
I don't feel threatened or offended by a woman being lesbian. I
view her as a woman first, and her sexuality poses no threat to me.
Only her personality could do such, and that has nothing to do with
her being gay. Generally speaking, I don't feel women are as
threatened by lesbians as men are by gays. I think it has a lot to do
with women being discriminated against and being considered
second-class, so we have never experienced feeling like the 'superior
majority' ( as men do). I also think the double standards in our
society between lesbians and gays have an incredible impact on who
feels threatened/offended. We live in a society in which men are
supposed to be and viewed as strong, smart and emotionally solid, and
the awful stereotype is that gay men are the complete opposite of the
'ideal man.' Women are supposed to be feminine, attractive,
soft-spoken and distinctly emotional, and a lesbian woman can be
viewed as such as long as she's not the 'butchy,' unattractive
stereotype of a lesbian woman. I think women may be more threatened
by the latter stereotype than they would the pretty blonde next door.
There's also the stereotype that lesbians are sexually confused or
sexual deviants, so perhaps some women feel more at ease because they
figure, 'She's finding herself' or 'She's confused.' No matter the
reason, it's all about a person's self-confidence, and I am
completely confident with the person I am as a whole. Who cares who
you sleep with and love or what sex they are? Now, how many people
you're sleeping with might pose a problem...
POSTED 6/12/2001
Lisa, Gaithersburg, MD, United States, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Mesg ID 611200194636
No, not really. A lesbian tried to pick me up one time, and I was
actually a little flattered. She was a pretty girl, and had I been a
lesbian, too, we might have made a nice couple. As it was, I demured.
But I don't particularily find gays or lesbians threatening.
POSTED 6/12/2001
Jessica B., Jackson, MS, United States, 16, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Less than High School Diploma, Middle
class, Mesg ID 6122001104421
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Question:
Do Latino/Hispanic people who have just arrived in the United
States feel they should be entitled to all the benefits, medical,
housing, jobs, etc. without having to apply for citizenship?
POSTED 6/11/2001
Patty M., White Plains, NY, United States, 49, Female,
Spiritualism, Multiethnic, Straight, Mesg ID 610200131706
Responses:
It's the same in the United Kingdom, where Bangaldeshi,
Somailians and Eastern Europeans flood our cities because of our very
generous benefit system and favorable treatment of so-called aslyum
seekers - unlike many other European countries that expect such
people to contribute to the host country before qualifying for
handouts. Ironically, we have a high indigenous population of
homeless people and those who could be classified as living in
poverty.
POSTED 6/13/2001
Lea J., London, NA, United Kingdom, Mesg ID 612200113719
Why do you mention only Latinos? Why not all immigrants? Do you
feel Russians and Germans should be allowed to reap the 'benefits' of
being an American without proper citizenship? After all, they're
immigrants, too. My intention is not to be flippant, but I'm not sure
of what angle you're coming from.
POSTED 6/14/2001
Lisa, Gaithersburg, MD, United States, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, Mesg ID 611200184355
Your typical undocumented immigrant is unable to recieve any
governmental medical benefits. If they applied, they'd have to
compromise their undocumented status, and most are too fearful to do
so. They cannot apply for welfare or apply for HUD, either. They
would risk exposing themselves. Typically, undocumented workers will
band together and share rent for an apartment (it is not uncommon to
see 4 or 5 families sharing an apartment in the low-rent part of
town) as soon as they have income. Some of them work 90 to 100 hours
a week on up just to keep themselves afloat, and they mostly work at
the bottom-of-the-barrel jobs that your average blue-collar American
wouldn't touch. It is also common for them to draw a 9 on their
paychecks so they won't have to do any reporting to the IRS. As for
medical, they would pretty much have to go to the County ER just to
get flu medication. As a result, they generally have to rely on mom
to heal the sick. Essentially, U.S. society derives an enormous
amount of cheap labor from them, they consume products just like any
lower-income Americans and, with the exception of those paid under
the table, they contribute their fair share of taxes, and they are
mostly decent people who came here out of desperation and the desire
for work. Their work ethic puts that of the average American's to
shame.
POSTED 6/14/2001
Dan, L.os Angeles, CA, United States, 22, Male, Pentecostal,
Hispanic/Latino, student, 2 Years of College, Lower middle class,
Mesg ID 6122001112937
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Question:
For a long time I have been guilty of practicing my own form of
discrimination within my own race. It stems from being taunted as a
child for having dark skin. Because of this, I grew up with a secret
resentment for fair-skinned women. While I have family and friends
who are fair, I have accepted and loved them, but find myself
prejudging others I see in malls or in public who I don't know. I
honestly felt that 'yellow' women had the "YWC" - Yellow Woman's
Complex. The 'I can take your man,' 'I am better than you because I
am light,' the 'watch me get over,' 'I am pretty because I am light'
... and the list goes on. I know those contentions aren't true, but
truthfully, is there anyone out there who has or did feel this way?
Is there a light-skinned woman who can share their mentality with me?
Is it hard being fair-skinned, or do you find that it has its
privileges?
POSTED 6/11/2001
Shionedy, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College, Middle class, Mesg ID
63200184901
Responses:
I am a fair-skinned woman but do not have an 'I am better than
you' attitude. However, I couldn't care less what other people think
of me and am proud of my accomplishments as a young black woman. This
contributes to a higher self-esteem. I walk with my head high not
because I feel I am better than anyone, but because I love myself and
take pride in myself. If you feel you are not attractive because of
your complexion, those feelings will start to reflect on your
personality. I also believe that other people's attitudes and actions
toward a person can help contribute to the way a person may feel
about themselves, which is what you said happened to you as a child.
But it can go both ways. If all of your life men told you how
beautiful you were, that would also contribute to the way you feel
about yourself. And I'll admit, that type of thing makes me feel good
about myself, and when you feel good about yourself, again, it shows
on the outside. Also whhhhoo wee! Plenty of fair-skinned women are
not attractive at all, so light skin definitely does not
automatically make you attractive. All of us were taunted as a child
about something. That's just the way children are. But you shouldn't
allow the ignorance that went on around you in your life as a child
affect the way you feel about the women of our race, because that is
all it is: ignorance.
POSTED 6/13/2001
Jasmine, Jacksonville, FL, United States, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, Mesg ID 612200141418
I can understand where you're coming from. It's clear to me that
our society as a whole places more value on lighter/whiter skin. It
seems like this myth of lighter being better is reinforced at all
levels and in all aspects of our society. And trust me, that is one
hell of a myth, one that's been dividing people for generations. So,
I can't fault you for your feelings. As a lighter-skinned woman (and
I speak only for myself), I think the thing I would want you to
understand about me is that that myth hurts me just as much as you.
It pits us against each other and builds resentments that we really
don't need to have added onto our already complicated lives. Growing
up wasn't easy for me, either. My family was one of the only families
of color where I grew up. And while the racism I felt from the white
people in my town hurt me in so many ways, the colorism I felt from
my own people nearly tore me apart. It felt like I was too black to
be accepted into white society, and too white to be completely
accepted by all of black society. And as a child I wasn't sure where
that left me. It took a while for me to reach a place where I learned
to accept myself for who I am and love me for me. And I think now
that I've grown, I can understand how resentments like those can
build up. It's an understanding that goes a long way in giving me the
fuel I need to continually work to break down the barriers we create
among one another.
POSTED 6/13/2001
Valerie, Boston, MA, United States, Female, Black/African
American, Straight, Fundraising/Development, 4 Years of College, Mesg
ID 6132001115759
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Question:
What are some things Americans do wrong when they go to
Scotland? And what are some things we should look for (or look out
for) while visiting there?
POSTED 6/11/2001
Nicholas C., Waldorf, MD, United States, 22, Male, Mormon,
Scottish/American, Straight, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID
642001101157
Responses:
First, don�t confuse England, Scotland and Britain. The English
and Scots are different peoples, but they are both British. Scotland
has its own parliament but still sends MPs to a British parliament.
An analogy would be California and New York are both part of the
United States but separate states (except they don�t have 3,000 years
of history, so the rivalry�s not there). I wouldn�t mention what a
great environmental policy you think Bush has anywhere in Europe, as
this is a very sensitive issue at the moment. Don�t order an
expensive single malt whiskey and put ice or a mixer in it. That�s
sacrilege. Do spend as much time as possible in Edinburgh, which is
one of the world�s most beautiful cities.
POSTED 6/13/2001
Greg, London, NA, United Kingdom, Male, Mesg ID 6132001105617
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