Best of the Week
of June 18, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of June 18, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Do Roman Catholics consider oral sex a sin? Is oral sex considered
sex, as in loss of virginity?
POSTED 6/22/2000
J.B., Nappa, ID, United States, 20, 4 Years of College , Upper class,
Mesg ID 6212000100718
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Question:
Many times when I pass a black male coming my way, for example when
I'm leaving the office and run into a black maintenance worker in the
hallway, just when we are about to exchange a greeting, he often
simply says the phrase 'all right,' even if I haven't said anything
yet. He might say this rather than say, for example, 'hey' or 'take
care' or 'g'night' or 'see ya.' Why do they frequently just say 'all
right'?
POSTED 6/20/2000
P., Jacksonville, FL, United States, Male, White/Caucasian. Mesg ID
6202000102837
Responses:
It depends on the way it's said. If it's said in a measured,
neutral tone, it could just be an aknowledgment of your presence,
that you know each other and that it's not necessary to go through
the usual formalities if you don't want to. Not that such a greeting
isn't welcome, but just that you can 'chill,' everything's copacetic,
have a nice night, etc. If it's said in a boisterous, upbeat way, it
might be another way of saying: 'My man! What's up? How are you?'
Basically, pleasantries in shorthand. I would think that just saying
'hey' in response would be fine - not that you need to be told how to
speak.
POSTED 6/21/2000
Jennifer R., St. Paul, MN, United States, 29, Female, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, Writer, Student, 4 Years of College
, Middle class, Mesg ID 621200012054
In the West Indies, in Jamaica, the phrase 'all right' could also
mean 'all is good,' 'all is well' or 'things are good.' The man may
simply be wishing you well by saying this to you when you have an
encounter. It's out of politeness and just another way of saying
something like 'what's up?'
POSTED 6/21/2000
S.E., Bronx, NY, United States, 23, Female, Straight, 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 621200024422
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Question:
If two males are lovers and one has a complete sex change, does the
one who is still male stay with 'her' and live as a straight man, or
does he still feel he is with a man and remains homosexual? I hope I
asked this properly. I am not trying to offend anyone ... I'm just
curious. I have someone close to me who has made the change, but I'm
not sure what is proper to ask.
POSTED 6/20/2000
M.E., Porterville, CA, United States, 37, Female, Hispanic/Latino,
office assistant, 2 Years of College , Lower class, Mesg ID
620200013732
Responses:
I am a gay male and have friends who chose to change their
gender. It is not so much about the fact of being male or female.
There are usually two sides in this situation: One partner plays more
of a male role, and one plays more of a female role, and the one who
usually plays more of the female role is the one to undergo the sex
change. But this is not always true. I would have to say most of the
men I have known to undergo this operation have chosen to stay with
their partner and consider themselfs still gay. Some men just feel as
though they were supposed to be women, and vice versa. It is a really
hard subject and is based a lot on the individual.
POSTED 6/21/2000
Travie2talk, Springville, CA, United States, 20, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Gay, sudent, 2 Years of College , Upper class, Mesg
ID 621200015631
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Question:
Why do Christians believe a loving God requires human sacrifice in
order to forgive people? He's God. He makes the rules. Presumably, He
could choose to save people merely because they do their best to be
good people. Christians love to talk about how loving Jesus was for
dying for our sins. But why did anyone have to die? Christianity
insists that without Jesus dying a horrific, tortured death on the
cross, we're all doomed. What kind of loving God makes rules like
that? And please don't recite Leviticus on sacrifice. I've read it.
With the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, Judaism teaches that
God forgives the repentant. No dead animals. No dead people.
POSTED 6/20/2000
Susan, New York, NY, United States, 39, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, attorney, Over 4 Years of College , Upper, middle
class, Mesg ID 620200045304
Responses:
Hebrews 9:22 states, 'And almost all things are by the law purged
with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission.' Jesus
said in Matthew 26:28, 'For this is my blood of the new testament,
which is shed for many for the remission of sins.' I'm not sure what
human sacrifices you're referring to, but ever since the fall of man
in the Garden of Eden, God required the shedding of blood for the
atonement of sin. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, which caused them
to realize they were naked, God clothed them with the skins of an
animal. That animal had nothing to do with Adam and Eve's sin (it was
innocent), but it had to die. That was God's plan. The animal
sacrifices in the Old Testament were forerunners of the ultimate
Sacrificial Lamb of God, Jesus Christ, who shed His innocent blood to
pay the sin debt of mankind. These are God's laws, or rules, as you
call them, not something Christians made up themselves. Because you
are Jewish and do not believe in Jesus as the promised Messiah,
perhaps you should fervently pray and ask God for the answers to your
questions.
POSTED 6/22/2000
Redeemed1, Newport News, VA, United States, 52, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 621200020852
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Question:
I don't understand why women size each other up in terms of their
looks - whether it's about their physical attributes or dress style.
Why do women do this?
POSTED 2/19/1999
George O., San Diego, CA, United States, Male, Mesg ID 2199914108
Responses:
There's a joke that says, 'When a man enters a bar, he checks out
the women; when a woman enters a bar, she checks out the women,' and
it's true. Despite all the leaps and bounds women have made in the
last 50 years, a woman's appearance is still paramount to her social
and romantic success (and to some degree, professional success).
Hence, these sort of meat-market singles venues are conducive to a
competitive atmosphere regarding appearance. Call it culture, social
Darwinism or just bad habits; I think it's a waste of time and
energy. But I still do it.
POSTED 6/20/2000
Lisa, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 25, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, 4 Years of College , Upper middle class,
Mesg ID 6190052811
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Question:
Recently I was on a bus and a man started talking on his cell phone.
There were a lot of people on the bus and he wasn't talking any
louder than anyone else on the bus. There were some kids in the back
of the bus who were even louder and infinitely more obnoxious. An
elderly woman turned around to shush the man on the cell phone
several times and then finally someone else on the bus told him to
please stop his conversation. I have witnessed similar situations
more than a few times, and I was wondering if someone can shed some
light on why people get offended by cell phone users in a public
space. I can understand if it's in a movie theater, a concert or
something like that. Are people jealous, or just plain grouchy?
POSTED 6/18/2000
Fiona F., New York, NY, United States, 25, Female, Asian, 4 Years of
College , Lower middle class, Mesg ID 12281999121425
Responses:
There's something about hearing only one half of a cell phone
conversation on a bus, in a restaurant, etc., that both irritates
someone and compels one's attention. Even a loud conversation among
teenagers can be heard, identified and then 'tuned out.' But we're
conditioned to hear both speakers, and a cell phone conversation in a
public place feels like a fresh distraction with every overheard
'Yeah...Uh huh...Right...' (much less an extended anecdote or, worst
of all, a domestic argument) as we automatically prepare to hear the
response and don't hear it. Maybe as some standard cell phone
etiquette takes hold concerning volume and where/when to take calls,
and as we get accustomed to this new type of urban distraction, it
will cease to be such an issue.
POSTED 6/22/2000
Daniel, Ann Arbor, MI, United States, 36, Male, Student, Over 4 Years
of College, Mesg ID 6212000111623
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Question:
Why do a significant number of black people speak with a sort of
affected lisp - not a speech defect, but a purposeful lisp?
POSTED 6/20/2000
Bill B., Greensboro, NC, United States, 45, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, teacher, Over 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 620200072705
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Question:
To those of non-Western cultures: How does it make you feel to see
icons of your culture or religion brought into popular Western
society? Specifically, I am thinking of Asian characters being used
as popular tattoos or on clothing items, or depictions of the Buddha
or geisha girls, or, for Indian people, the use of bindis or mehndi.
I would think it would make you proud to see others interested in
your culture, as long as they understand the significance. Is this
so?
POSTED 6/15/2000
Jessica, Framingham, MA, United States, 21, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, student, 4 Years of College , Upper middle
class, Mesg ID 6132000115911
Responses:
Western society has integrated Asian icons into its culture,
which shows some effort to understand the culture and religion.
However, I feel that this is a trend, a chapter of American popular
culture that is nearing its end. Celebrities show their homes
decorated in their newly found lifestyle according to Chi or Zen (a
recent hit) on television, fashion designers use Asian motifs for the
runways, and then Americans follow them. Not long ago, I asked a
Caucasian girl wearing a shirt with the Chinese character for water
on it if she knew what it meant. She did not. So I asked her why,
then, she is wearing clothes with symbols she does not know. Her
response was that it looked 'cool.' Another time, I met a Caucasian
male who had tattooed his name 'in Chinese.' He liked the idea of
having several characters that represented something individually for
his name. That is equivalent to an American adopting Gundorf as his
German name and tattooing it on his arm. When people fashion things
that represent my culture and religion, of course it upsets me
because it completely undermines their significance. For most people,
Asian icons are exotic accessories that are popular at the moment. I
wish people would start understanding what they actually mean and
stop wearing shirts with 'water' on them.
POSTED 6/20/2000
Crystal, Irvine, CA, United States, <ckim@gwu.edu>, 19, Female,
Christian, Korean, Straight, Student, 2 Years of College, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 620200065723
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Question:
Many gay men are immediately identifiable by the 'gay drawl,' a
distinctive, quasi-nasal, adolescent voiceprint. But I've never met a
lesbian of any class or race who had a distinctive, corresponding
lesbian 'accent.' Does anyone have any thoughts on why this is?
POSTED 6/19/2000
Jeff G., Austin, TX, United States, <byrongato@aol.com>, 32,
Male, Pagan, White/Caucasian, Gay, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 6190051708
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Question:
To Indian women: which side of the nose is traditionally pierced? Is
there a specific location deemed most beneficiary?
POSTED 6/19/2000
Sarah N., Fairfield, IA, United States, Female, Mesg ID
6190094953
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Question:
Why do so many black college students choose to major in business?
Why not engineering or physics, or math or chemistry?
POSTED 6/19/2000
Nicole, Portsmouth, VA, United States, 22, Female, Christian, Black
and white, Straight, Data Analyst, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 925199922128
Responses:
Alexis de Toqueville saw this country's lust for profits as far
back as the 1830s. In the early 1900s, George Washington Carver
instructed his students thus at Tuskegee Institute: Learn a trade,
start a business and make money (he's been sadly misread over the
years). The mediocre Calvin Coolidge said famously that 'the business
of America is business.' That was in 1922. And remember the '80s? de
Toqueville also saw that there was a rampant anti-intellectualism and
mistrust of scientific smarts in America. Science is acceptable only
if there is monetary profit to be made of it. That has always been
the case here, or just about everyone would have stayed home. I'll
bet if you took a representative sample of white people at any
university, most of them would be majoring in business, too. Most of
the white kids I knew at school did. Look at U.S. culture. It sprawls
itself before the altar of money. Everyone wants their share. That's
why many immigrants of all races in U.S. colleges take business.
African Americans are like any other Americans. I know I'd love to
see a few more of us as CEOs, even as I'd love to see more of us
represented in the sciences. Why do so many people stick up for Bill
Gates, even as he breaks the law? Because he's worth $60 billion. And
what does money equal? Power. What's the rap by Public Enemy? -
'Cause I know the time, 'cause I'm gettin' mine.' For your fellow
African-American classmates, that means a business degree and an
MBA.
POSTED 6/21/2000
Miranda J., New York, NY, United States, 30, Female, Unitarian,
African, Cherokee, Irish, English, Scottish, Welsh, Straight,
Production Coordinator, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 6212000123247
The reason some blacks don't major in math, physics, biology,
etc., is that blacks aren't encouraged to major in those subjects.
Schools encourage blacks to go to a technical school and/or join the
military upon graduation from high school. Blacks have the
intelligence to major in the previously stated subjects; we're just
not encouraged to. As far as majoring in business, blacks are
encouraged by other blacks to major in business. If blacks open their
own businesses, it is believed that we can obtain more power in a
domineering society, one in which power is not given to blacks in the
same manner that whites are given power. Also, not all blacks major
in business. I'm a black woman, I have a degree, and I did not major
in business. I am in the fine arts field. When I think about my
college friends (I went to a historically black college) from
Wilberforce University, none of us majored in business. However,
business is one of the strongest and most successful programs at
Wilberforce's campus.
POSTED 6/22/2000
Georgette W., Cincinnati, OH, United States, 25, Female, African
Methodist Episcopal, Black/African American, Straight, Museum
Industry, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
6222000102808
As a black who has an advanced degree in chemistry and who has
taught at the university level for some time, my conclusion is:
Students tend to gravitate toward those fields that have visibility
in their community. Most African Americans do not know a black who is
a chemist, physicist, etc. That is why African-American students
interested in science are much more likely to be pre-med,
pre-dentistry or pharmacy majors.
POSTED 6/22/2000
Paul, Houston, TX, United States, Male, Black/African American, Over
4 Years of College, Mesg ID 621200032037
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Question:
Does anybody know what a congressman's job description is? I know
they are supposed to make laws and stuff, but are they supposed to
interject personal feelings into the laws they vote for, or is it
supposed to be the thoughts and feelings of their constituents?
POSTED 6/19/2000
Paula, Texarkana, AR, United States, 31, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, student, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
927199954357
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Question:
What did "jumping the broom" mean in marriage ceremonies among
African Americans? I believe slaves did it at a time when the law did
not recognize legal marriage for them.
POSTED 6/18/2000
R. Buchanan, San Diego, CA, United States, <drmmrby @alo.com>,
42, R.N., 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 1228199923105
Responses:
'Jumping the Broom' signifies (I say signifies because the custom
is still practiced in the wedding ceremonies of some African-American
couples) literally jumping from your old life alone into a life
joined with your partner.
POSTED 6/21/2000
Jennifer R., Saint Paul, MN, United States, 29, Female, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, Writer, Student, 4 Years of College
, Middle class, Mesg ID 6202000111651
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Question:
Why can't African Americans swim? Is there a physiological reason why
some people seem to have a harder time swimming than others, or is it
simply a matter of their surroundings?
POSTED 6/15/2000
Dan S., Chesterfield Township, MI, United States, 30, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Engineer, 4 Years of College , Middle
class,Mesg ID 615200081409
Responses:
For the same reason white men can't jump. I use this analogy
because it's obviously not true. Most people's physical endeavors
stem from what they have access to. Most poor inner-city folks (a
great number who happen to be black) do not have access to pools -
just as most of your affluent kids are apt not to play hoops. You can
pretty much observe ethnic trends in every sport, from baseball to
rock climbing. But what's nice is that we've seen that ethnicity has
nothing to do with physical abilities.
POSTED 6/17/2000
D. Nicholson, Seattle, WA, United States, 36, Male, Agnostic,
Black/African American, Gay, Project Manager, 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 616200030428
From my experience, a lot of black people can swim. However, I do
believe there is a higher proportion of non-swimming black people
than whites. This does not have a physiological explanation; it's
entirely cultural. White people are more likely to live in suburbs
and neighborhoods that have community pools. They are also more
likely to have the space and money to afford backyard swimming pools,
and I think it's safe to say that they may also frequent lakes and
beaches more.
POSTED 6/17/2000
Tish, Newark, NJ, United States, Black/African American, Mesg ID
616200060500
I am African-American and can swim. Almost all of my
African-American friends can swim. Almost everyone in my
African-American family can swim. The only person in my family who
cannot swim is my father. Why? Because he almost drowned as a child
and is afraid of the water. I don't think that has anything to do
with his racial background.
POSTED 6/17/2000
Alicia, Seattle, WA, United States, 31, Female, Black/African
American, Attorney, Middle class, Mesg ID 616200035521
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