Best of the Week
of June 25, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of June 25, 2000, as
selected by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the
Week" entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing
Y?'s new database using the search form,
or, in the case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in
the Original Archives (all
questions from the Original Archives have been entered into
the new database as well). In the Original Archives and the new
database, you will find questions that have received answers, as well
as questions still awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer
any questions relevant to your demographic background, as well as to
ask any provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not
necessarily meant to represent the views of an entire demographic
group, but can provide a window into the insights of an individual
from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
I am a heterosexual Caucasian male, 25, with some college and
above-average test scores. In every sense, I fit the description of
average. As I read postings throughout the Internet, I wonder what is
gained. Postings are poorly worded, badly misspelled and generally
full of diatribe and drivel (Director's Note: Except at Y Forum,
of course.). Does the person making these postings feel he/she is
convincing John Q. Public of the validity of an argument? I don't
understand.
POSTED 6/30/00
Chris G., Lansing, MI, United States, 25, Male, Buddhist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, bartender, 2 Years of College , Lower
middle class, Mesg ID 6290083046
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Question:
Why are the British so racist and xenophobic? Why do they stereotype
and degrade (as part of their 'humor')? What are British children
taught about accepting other cultures? How can they say 'all these
people are stupid' with good conscience?
POSTED 6/30/00
Regina, New York City, NY, United States, Female, Mesg ID
6300031518
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Question:
To deaf people: What is it like to not be able to 'hear a pin drop'?
What other challenges or difficulties have you overcome, and what do
you feel you still need to overcome?
POSTED 6/28/2000
S., Snyder, CA, United States, 19, Female, student, 2 Years of
College, Mesg ID 6192000104149
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Question:
What do African Americans think about those who might have 'passed'
in earlier times, a few generations back, and whose descendants are
now 'white' - though they may not even know they are of mixed
race?
POSTED 6/28/2000
Michelle A., St. Louis, MO, United States, 44, Female,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 6272000123530
Responses:
I'm sort of ambivalent about it. I have no idea what it was like
to live in the past, but from what I've been told, it would not have
been a difficult decision to make if one were able to get away with
it. The contrast in quality of life and opportunity must have been
stark. I wonder, however, about the cognitive dissonance such a
decision must invite. I recently read a book called The Sweeter The
Juice by Shirley Taylor-Haslip that deals with this subject. You
might be interested in reading it. It's a very compelling story.
POSTED 6/30/00
Jennifer R., St. Paul, MN, United States, 29, Female, Humanist,
Black/African American, Straight, Writer/Student, 4 Years of College
, Middle class, Mesg ID 6290055415
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Question:
Why is it that many women seem to drive with their nose in the air
and leaning forward (even on the freeway), as though they were
expecting something to run out in front of them and under their
wheels all the time?
POSTED 6/27/2000
Denis, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 43, Male, ex-Cathollic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Manager, Technical School, Middle class,
Mesg ID 624200021257
Responses:
Women drive that way because most cars are designed for male
drivers; that is, people whose height is mostly in their torsos,
rather than in their legs. I'm 5'5", but like most women, most of my
height is in my legs, so when I sit down, I'm about 2 feet tall.
Bucket seats are low-slung and tilted backward, and unless I pull my
seat up as close as I can to the steering wheel, I can't see over the
dashboard. My knees are jammed up against the steering column, but
it's either that or drive blind.
POSTED 6/30/00
Laura, Bel Air, MD, United States, 39, Female, White/Caucasian,
writer/teacher/editor, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 6290092957
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Question:
Why do white people allow their animals to live like human beings in
their homes? I've noticed from homes of whites that I have visited
that they allow the dogs, cats, etc. to climb on the kitchen
counters, sleep in their beds, lick their faces after the dogs have
licked filthy things, and the list goes on. I am not trying to be
disrespectful, I'm just curious. Also, why do white people eat out in
restaurants so much? Do they ever make home-cooked meals?
POSTED 5/30/2000
Carole T., Atlanta, GA, United States, Female, Mesg ID
5302000123913
Responses:
I'm a white guy and live alone with my cat. In the past, I've
owned many dogs and cats. Yeah, my cat can do pretty much whatever he
wants (though I don't let him get on the counter). My cat sleeps in
my bed, and I do allow him to lick me if he chooses to. Cats are
clean animals. They keep themselves clean and are not likely to bring
germs to the bed. As for dogs, yes, they are a bit more dirty and
nasty, but I've allowed certain dogs to sleep in my bed because the
relationships I've had with them were almost human. I guess my best
answer to your question about why many white people allow pets to do
whatever they want is that they are nice to have around and are seen
as family members. As for the restaurant thing, most white people I
know who are single eat out a lot because it's a drag to cook for one
person. Invariably, as a single guy, when I cook for myself, I make
far too much of it. And it's not that much fun to make a wonderful
meal if you can't share it with someone. I think most white couples
without kids also eat out a lot for the same reasons - plus the
convenience factor of eating out. I've found, though, that white
people with kids start eating at home a lot more often. I think part
of it is to lower the cost, and another part of it is that they just
don't want to have to deal with screaming kids in a public place.
POSTED 6/28/2000
Andy, Indianapolis, IN, United States, Male, Mesg ID
6272000111536
I'm a white guy who wouldn't have a dog or cat in my bed or on my
counter to save it's life. They're animals, not human. I don't
dislike pets. In fact, I breed snakes and raise mice to feed them.
They're kept in the garage in cages. I wash my hands after every
encounter with my pets or anyone else's.
POSTED 6/30/00
Alan R., Houston, TX, United States, 54, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Upper class,
Mesg ID 628200070544
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Question:
Recently I met a man in college who claims to be a skinhead. His head
is shaven; he wears camoflauge and a flak jackets and steel-toed
boots. However, he claims not to be racist. He says skinheads are
just 'working-class culture,' whatever that means. Does anyone know
what he is talking about, or should I retire to my original idea of
jumping him?
POSTED 6/27/2000
Seamus, Charlestown, MA, United States, 21, Male, Lower class, Mesg
ID 6242000123132
Responses:
There is a huge misinterpretation of the whole skinhead thing.
Skinheads are NOT intrinsically racist. There are certain 'sects'
that are. There are also certain sects that are vehemently opposed to
rascism. If you've ever heard of 'sharpies,' for example, they are a
sect of skinheads who are very much opposed to racism. What
characterizes someone as a skinhead has less to do with their
feelings on race and more to do with their feelings on society as a
whole. Naturally a skinhead has, in general, a certain look. Most all
have a bald head, and many wear the 'pork chop' sideburns. They often
dress in tight jeans, certain types of shirts (Fred Perrys or Ben
Shermans, which are polo-type shirts or button-downs) and combat
boots - usually steel-toe Doc Martens. They are, as your friend said,
'working class' folks. They usually have a very strong worth ethic
and usually congregate together. They are often characterized by
their choice of music, which usually consists of 'Oi' music, Punk,
Ska and Reggae (yes, Reggae, believe it or not). More than anything
else, being a skinhead is like being part of a fraternal order.
Unless your friend is proudly displaying a swastika or listening to
bands like 'Skrewdriver,' you have no reason to think he's a racist.
In fact, I know some black skinheads who'd be pretty upset if they
were lumped into that category.
POSTED 6/28/2000
Anonymous, Southern, NJ, United States, 25, Female, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 6272000103322
He's telling you the truth. I used to know a lot of skinheads;
some were racist but lots were not. There's a whole subset of
skinheads who consider themselves really
progressive/leftist/activist. Sometimes they're vegetarian, or call
themselves anarchists - and often, because people assume they're
racist, they put lots of energy into working for racial harmony
(demonstrating and stuff). The working-class culture argument is
true, too - that is where the subculture came from (in England), and
that's what's alluded to by the heavy workboots and flight jackets
and all. I think the guy you know might be trying to make some kind
of statement such as 'not all working-class people are racist.'
POSTED 6/28/2000
Sue, Toronto, Ontario, NA, Canada, 33, Female, White/Caucasian,
journalist, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
627200053554
Skinhead culture started out as a working class/ music-type
movement. I believe it started in England, based on Oi! and Ska
music. These skins were not racist. It was all about the social
structure and music scene. I'm not really sure how or why, but
somehow along the way, the white supremacists somewhow adopted this
'style.' Now, different-colored laces and braces are one of the
indicators of whether a skin is racist or not.
POSTED 6/28/2000
Leslie K., New York, NY, United States, 29, Female, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, Marketing, High School Diploma , Lower
class, Mesg ID 6272000120731
Although the use of the word 'skinhead' has become associated with
xenophobic (and frequently neo-Nazi) radicals, not all skinheads are
alike. As I understand it, skinheads are a group evolved largely out
of the punk rock revolution of the late 1970s, and, to a certain
extent, the 'working class culture' that your aquaintance mentioned.
However, skinheads do categorize themselves, and it's fair to say
that there are both 'good' and 'bad' skinheads. Indeed, there is a
well-publicized group of 'straight edge' skinheads who generally
believe in abstinence from drug use, excessive alcohol and (for some)
casual sex. They also generally are strong advocates of improved race
relations, which is also in line with the overlap and free exchange
that existed between the punk and reggae/rastafarian cultures in the
late 1970s and early 1980s. (Mainstream musical examples of the
result of these hybrids include The Police and Blondie. Many hardcore
punk groups still regularly cover reggae songs, notably the group Bad
Brains.) I don't know if this is still the case, but in the '80s (at
least in some geographic areas)skinheads even differentiated
themselves by the color of laces they wore in their boots. I should
say that I am not and have never been a skinhead. Nor am I saying
that your aquaintance is a 'good' skinhead. But skinheads can come in
different flavors, and the word 'skinhead' alone does not necessarily
mean evil things, at least to other skinheads.
POSTED 6/28/2000
Michael B., New York, NY, United States, Male, Mesg ID
6272000104442
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Question:
Do African Americans still tell toasts, such as 'Shine' and 'The
Signifying Monkey'? Or is that form of narrative no longer used?
POSTED 6/27/2000
Louis, Phoenix, AZ, United States, Male, Mesg ID 624200083940
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Question:
I often have a problem with a spontaneous erection while I am at work
or any place in public. I often wear brief-style underwear to
somewhat control the problem of being noticed. Being that I am a man,
I really don't want to go see a doctor about this, but I wonder if
any other men have this problem, and if so, is there is a medical
issue I should be unaware of?
POSTED 1/7/2000
Gary, Los Angeles, CA, United States, <garybobs@yahoo.com>, 37,
Male, Jewish, Black/African American, Straight, professional, Over 4
Years of College, Mesg ID 17200041726
I asked my husband something similar one time. I wanted to know
why guys get erections while they are sleeping and first thing in the
morning. He explained that it has to do with blood flow to the tissue
in the member. A non-erect penis does not have a lot of blood flow.
Blood flow is required for healthy tissue, so at various times
throughout the day and night an erection will occur to increase the
blood flow through the penis. This is natural and has nothing to do
with sexual arousal.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Julianna C., Santa Clara, CA, United States, 25, Female,
Hispanic/Latino, Systems Analyst, 4 Years of College , Middle
class,Mesg ID 17200054242
If you have very long-lasting and painful erections, you might
have a condition called 'priapism.' That could be harmful, to say the
least. Otherwise, go with it and count yourself lucky. There are
hundreds of thousands of men who can't get an erection for one reason
or another. I, like you, are one of the lucky ones. I get an erection
at the slightest provocation many times a day. I can forget about
wearing spandex! I'm not about to complain, though. I'm 58 and am
pleased to announce that I'm always 'there' for my loving wife.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Ed H., Airway Heights, WA, United States, 58, Male, Baptist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, spinal cord injury, Retired Marine, High
School Diploma, Mesg ID 113200075938
Congratulations; you are a normal male. There is no reason for you
to go to a doctor. Men have spontaneous erections and it's really no
big deal. You should read a book on human sexuality, and I'm sure to
your surprise you'd see that all men do this. Maybe you are concerned
that someone will notice because your penis could be larger than
average, and if so, most men would love that, too.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Anonymous coward, somewhere, TX, United States, administrator, Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 130200053449
Thinking about pretty ladies - that's how I get an erection while
doing my boring work at Target. No one notices, as the customers only
care about getting out of the store in a timely manner. No need to
worry - no one notices it.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Christopher D., Arlington, TX, United States, Male, Mesg ID
114200053558
I get erections all the time, and it usually doesn't have to do
with sexual arousal. I think I learned in sex education class in
junior high that the average male gets an erection every hour or so
as the body goes through its normal daily rhythms. I don't know what
you mean by 'spontaneous,' whether it's a sudden tiger trying to get
free from your pants or what, but I don't think it's a medical
condition. If mine gets especially hard, I try to quietly rotate it
up so it is pinned down by my belt. I usually wear loose clothes so
that it doesn't seem to be bulging too much. But if tighty whiteys
work for you, then it's all right.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Jon, Kyoto, NA, Japan, Male, Mesg ID 6262000102737
I have wondered if an erection early in the morning isn't also a
subtle, learned response to keep from urinating. You can't do that
with an erection, of course. For your problem, however, why not just
switch to pleated pants?
POSTED 6/30/00
Jim, Denver, CO, United States, 41, Male, Straight, Over 4 Years of
College, Mesg ID 628200060107
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Question:
I am 30-year-old Asian Indian of medium brown complexion. I date
white women (European and American). The problem is that black women
don't seem to like it. Everywhere we are I get rude treatment from
black women. Theaters, malls clerks, fastfood joints, even on campus
from secretaries, administrators, etc. Even at parties when I hit it
off with white women, the black ladies scowl at me. The other women
just don't care. What's with it?
POSTED 6/27/2000
Zipeezy, Richmond, VA, United States, <zipeezy@yahoo.com>, 30,
Male, Straight, student, Over 4 Years of College,Mesg ID
6262000103524
Responses:
Some black women have a problem with black men dating outside of
their race. Because you are dark-complected, they are assuming you
are a black man, and that is why they are treating you as they do. I
don't apologize for them; I'm just letting you know why they treat
you as they do. Ignore them, or better yet, ask them what their
problem is. When confronted, they may think twice about it next
time.
POSTED 6/28/2000
Senetra, Anderson, IN, United States, 26, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Looking for work, 2 Years of College,Mesg ID
6272000104710
That's weird. You say you are Asian Indian and that you are
getting reactions from black women. Part of it may be that they think
you are black on first glance. The other part stems from the fact
that in this country white women are so glorified above all other
women. Whether they are physically attractive or not doesn't matter;
the perception of them being 'it' is deeply embedded into the psyches
of American men, be they black, white, red, green or Asian Indian.
Because of this, many guys go out of their way to choose white women
as partners, yet will deny it by stating they 'just happened' to fall
for someone who 'happened' to be white. While there are those who are
truly in love with the person they are with, the majority of the time
this is not the case, though no one will ever admit it. In your post
you stated that you dated white women. My interpretation may be
wrong, but it sounds as though you are saying that you date white
women exclusively. If so, why? Indian women are absolutely gorgeous.
If you look back into your own dating history, have the majority of
the women you have dated been white? If so, yu need to ask yourself
why. I see nothing wrong with dating outside of one's thnicity. If
the person treats you right, go for it - true love is so hard to
find. But I do have a problem with people who purposely choose to
date people of other races. Those who do that have some inner
self-hatred issues going on.
POSTED 6/28/2000
Maya, Toronto, Ontario, NA, Canada, 33, Female, Baptist,
Black/African American, Straight, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 627200055727
You may appear black to them, although you are Indian. A lot of
black women are offended by black men dating non-black women. Black
women are deemed by society to be inferior, and a lot of black women
believe that when a black man chooses a non-black women, he has
bought into that belief. Couple that with the fact that in the black
community, black men generally treat black women badly, and you have
a situation of black women being doubly offended by seeing you with a
white woman. However, please don't mistake their attitude with racism
or jealousy, because it is not. It is more that they feel put down by
a man who they presume is supposed to be there for a black woman.
POSTED 6/28/2000
Tracy, Bronx, NY, United States, 20, Female, Caribbean-American
black, student, 2 Years of College , Lower middle class,Mesg ID
627200095942
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Question:
Do Roman Catholics consider oral sex a sin? Is oral sex considered
sex, as in loss of virginity?
POSTED 6/22/2000
J.B., Nappa, ID, United States, 20, 4 Years of College , Upper class,
Mesg ID 6212000100718
Responses:
The Church teaches that sex is sacred and should be saved for a
committed relationship, but the average person (including many
Catholics) ignores the Church's ideals and just wants to know how far
he/she can go without technically breaking any rules. It's this kind
of silly thinking that leads many Catholics to think they can engage
in ANY sexual activity short of vaginal intercourse and still remain
'virgins,' technically. This is what happens when people worry too
much about the letter of the law and not about the ideals behind the
law.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Astorian, Austin, TX, United States, <astorian@aol.com>, 39,
Male, Catholic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Programmer, 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 6262000113212
I would like to ask the first responder a question: Since, as you
stated, the Church teaches that sex is sacred and should only occur
in a committed relationship, then how about oral sex between spouses?
I am Catholic, but my husband is not, and this is an issue for
us.
POSTED 6/30/00
A.H., Jeffersonville, PA, United States, 25, Female, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Clinical Research, 4 Years of College,
Mesg ID 6290061707
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Question:
Many gay men are immediately identifiable by the 'gay drawl,' a
distinctive, quasi-nasal, adolescent voiceprint. But I've never met a
lesbian of any class or race who had a distinctive, corresponding
lesbian 'accent.' Does anyone have any thoughts on why this is?
POSTED 6/19/2000
Jeff G., Austin, TX, United States, <byrongato@aol.com>, 32,
Male, Pagan, White/Caucasian, Gay, 4 Years of College, Middle class,
Mesg ID 6190051708
Responses:
I don't believe there is such as thing as a 'gay drawl,' 'lesbian
drawl' or even 'gaydar.' Many gay men and lesbians have no
characteristics whatsoever to identify them as homosexual. I've often
made assumptions about others' sexual orientations based on their
appearance or mannerisms, only to find I was mistaken. Very few
people, including other lesbians/gays, suspect I'm a lesbian until I
tell them. That's why I fly a rainbow flag from my house and wear a
rainbow sticker on my car. I'm proud of who I am and sometimes wish
it were more obvious. But alas, I have no lesbian accent or anything
else to tip them off.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Stephanie, Cincinnati, OH, United States, 45, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Lesbian, Mesg ID 620200053804
I think the 'gay drawl' among men is the product of a somewhat
insular community with a long history, especially in comparison to
lesbians. Even pre-Stonewall (the 1969 New York riot that ushered in
the modern gay rights movement), there had long been some sort of
culture there. This isn't nearly as true for gay women. I think that
any group that has strong ties and culture artifacts among its
members might adopt a sort of 'accent' over time. I once knew a large
group house whose members developed a distinctive tone of voice over
the five years they lived together. Come to think of it, when I've
associated with very closely knit groups of lesbians, I think I have
perceived a similar phenomenon, although it's always specific to the
particular group rather than the overall population of gay women. For
example, here in Northern Virginia, many lesbians have a sort of
rough, jocular way of speaking that almost borders on 'red-neckish.'
But I doubt you'd find that in other areas. No answers here, I guess
- but a very interesting question.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Rachel G., Arligton, VA, United States, <fenriss@obscure.org>,
29, Female, Pagan, White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 2 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 623200085448
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Question:
To Indian women: which side of the nose is traditionally pierced? Is
there a specific location deemed most beneficiary?
POSTED 6/19/2000
Sarah N., Fairfield, IA, United States, Female, Mesg ID
6190094953
Responses:
In the olden days, the piercing was done on both sides of the
nose. Now, only a few go for both sides. Normally, North Indians
pierce on the left side of the nose, while South Indians do it on the
right side.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Padmanabhan, Santa Clara, CA, United States, 31, Male, Hindu, Asian,
Straight, Software Engineer, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg
ID 6240075456
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Question:
Does anybody know what a congressman's job description is? I know
they are supposed to make laws and stuff, but are they supposed to
interject personal feelings into the laws they vote for, or is it
supposed to be the thoughts and feelings of their constituents?
POSTED 6/19/2000
Paula, Texarkana, AR, United States, 31, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, student, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
927199954357
Responses:
I think it's a balance between their own views and the views of
their consituents. If their constituents expect something that would
be damaging to the country as a whole, in the parliamentarian's view,
I think he or she should go against what the constituents expect.
Ultimately, they are responsible for their own decisions, and that
responsibility cannot be passed to the constituents or the party.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Priscilla, Sydney, NA, Australia, 23, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Bisexual, 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
6240084630
The 'textbook' duties of a member of Congress are to represent
their given district in the Congress of the United States. What this
means is a number of things, most importantly remaining in touch with
their constituents and voting on and proposing bills (theoretically)
based on the needs and desires of the district, and in line with the
principles of the U.S. Constitution. Members also serve on a few
committees each, which is where bills are drafted and amended. Now,
the above is what you would find in a U.S. Government studies
textbook. Having a bachelor's degree in political science and working
on Capitol Hill for a semester as an intern (hold the jokes please,
it was nothing like that!), I can say otherwise. The U.S. Congress,
like many other legislatures, is composed of various factions and
coalitions, each with their own interests, which may or may not be in
line with the welfare of each district. Members of Congress must not
only serve the will of their constituents, but also in many cases
support their party in legislation and (although the members do not
like to emphasize it) serve special interest groups that lobby them
and give them donations. Being a Member of Congress is a very hard
job and is often a balancing act among conflicting interests. Much of
the position also ends up involving public relations - riding in
parades, attending ribbon cuttings and the like. Because of the
two-year term in Congress, most members are constantly campaigning,
which many Congressional analysts believe is a major detriment to the
job because they are focusing on being re-elected rather than passing
meaningful legislation. If you really want to know what goes on in
Congress, visit the office of your representative in Washington. It
is be sure to be eye-opening.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Jack, New York, NY, United States, 25, Male, 4 Years of College, Mesg
ID 622200091652
As Mark Twain said, 'Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you
were a member of Congress? But I repeat myself.' Assuming you are
talking about the U.S. Congress, the U.S. Constitution is quite
specific about what they can and can't do. Most of the cans are in
Section 8 of Article 1, and most of the can'ts are in Section 9.
However, there is no legal requirement for a congressman to vote one
way or another on any issue. He or she can vote his or her mind.
However, so can the people who elect them, and therefore the check is
that if they drift too far from their constituents, they don't get
re-elected. Obviously, a congressman also can court public opinion
and exert leadership in that way, also.
POSTED 6/27/2000
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 41, Male, White/Caucasian,
Corporate Cubicle Guy, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class,
Mesg ID 622200032930
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