Best of the Week
of June 27, 1999
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges either begun or
advanced during the week of June 27, 1999, as selected by Y?
These postings, as well as "Best of the Week" entries from
previous weeks, also can be found by accessing our new database using
our search form, or, in the case of
answers posted before April 24, 1999, in our
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. We encourage you to answer any questions relevant
to your demographic background, as well as to ask any provocative
question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily meant to
represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can provide a
window into the insights of an individual from that group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at our
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
Question:
Has anyone else noticed a double standard in describing the
appearance of different-race women who wear promiscuous clothing?
When women of color wear tight/short clothes, they are often called
"hoochies" or something of the sort, while white women in similar
clothes are at worst called "skanks" (if not "hot.") Could part of
the reason be that women of color tend to have more voluminous bodies
and so look more provocative in the clothing?
POSTED 6/28/99
Priya, Berkeley, CA, United States, <priya_grewal@yahoo.com> ,
19, Female, Mesg ID 6279951922
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Question:
I lived in Washington, D.C., for 10 years. Is there such a thing as
"Washington Nice"? I'm referring to overdone, almost unctuous
politeness at a superficial level with nothing underneath it. For
instance, I could be approaching a door and the person nearby,
regardless of race or gender, would almost knock themselves out to
hold it open for me. (And no, I don't resemble anyone highly placed
in politics!) Yet if you would attempt to take the encounter one step
further, such as striking up a conversation, they'd look at you like
you were from another planet. I always kind of felt like "I can
handle my own doors, but a little human warmth would be nice." Has
anyone else noticed this about D.C.? And is this anything like
"Minnesota Nice" or "Mormon Nice" - both of which I've heard of but
not sure I've ever experienced?
POSTED 6/25/99
Augustine, Columbia, SC, United States, 38, Male, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 6219930415
Responses:
I hear the phrase "Minnesota Nice" so much that it grates on my
nerves. Here, it generally means saying something like, "You don't
have your wallet? Well, I'll pay. No big deal," then mumbling what a
cheap jerk your friend is. (Remember The Mary Tyler Moore Show?) It's
very passsive aggressive. But I am amazed when I see a car get stuck
in the snow, and strangers help without even being asked. There is a
positive side to the "Nice." I do avoid talking to people because
their conversation, nine times out of 10, starts, "Hi. Say, my car
just ran out of gas..." or "How's it going? Lookin' to buy? Got some
great weed." or "Hi. Can I talk to you about this Republican? Would
you like to make a contribution?" Rarely does anyone just want to
talk, and once you start the conversation, they don't go away. I was
once waiting at a designated spot for a friend, and a man began
talking to me about the weather, etc. Then he asked if he could talk
to me about Jesus. I said, "No, thanks," so he launched into a
monologue anyway - for 10 minutes, concluding that I was going to
hell. Committing to a conversation with a stranger on the street is
like opening Pandora's Box. Opening a door to a stranger is just that
- opening a door.
POSTED 6/28/99
Craig, Minneapolis, MN, United States, <cmorris@loft.org> , 35,
Male, White/Caucasian, Gay, 4 Years of College,Mesg ID
62599110515
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Question:
To male college freshman or sophomores in intercollegiate team sports
(football, basketball, baseball, soccer, etc.) who are dealing with
or have dealt with coming-out to family, coaches and teammates: How
was your coming out accepted by your family, coach and teammates? Are
you still on the college team? Did you know from "the beginning" that
you were gay? What type of impact did this have on your participation
in sports? Any additional information about your experiences as a
college athlete and being gay would be greatly appreciated.
POSTED 6/28/99
Scott, Bowling Green, OH, United States, 31, Male, Catholic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Gradute Student, Over 4 Years of College ,
Middle class, Mesg ID 62499122653
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Question:
As the Caucasian mother of a wonderful little girl adopted from
China, I'm curious about how the Chinese community feels about these
foreign adoptions, as well as the issue of abandonment of infants in
China.
POSTED 3/5/99
Dianne, Kitchener, Ontario, NA, Canada, Female, White/Caucasian ,
Mesg ID 3599125117
Responses:
My feelings: Another white family adopting Asian females; never
seen a white family adopt an Asian boy; another Asian female to be
white-washed and to believe that white men are superior to Asian men;
Asian boys are not worth adopting; Asian men are not adorable enough
to be adopted; Asian men could all die off, and it wouldn't
matter.
POSTED 6/28/99
David, Chicago, IL, United States, 26, Male, Campbellian, Asian,
Straight, Student, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
5219975730
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Question:
What are the real reasons marijuana is illegal?
POSTED 6/3/99
Tam-Ken, San Diego, CA, United States, Asian, Mesg ID 639953821
Responses:
Marijuana, in its unenhanced form, is a relatively mild narcotic.
Its effects are, arguably, more calming and less immediately
debilitating than those of alcohol. I think the "war" against
marijuana and other more potentially harmful drugs displays the
American propensity for moral hypocrisy and politically expedient
grandstanding. The public, as represented by our legislators, seems
to have forgotten the basics of supply and demand, as well as the
lessons taught by the outcomes of the first Prohibition (zero
decrease in alcohol consumption; the blossoming of organized crime).
With ridiculously biased and Draconian federal drug sentencing laws
and "three strikes" legislation on the books (hand-in-hand with the
explosion of the prison-for-profit industry), the criminalization of
the drug culture continues to do far more harm to vulnerable
communities than the drugs themselves.
POSTED 6/28/99
Sam, Chicago, IL, United States, <SamAlex67@aol.com> , 31,
Male, Black/African American, Straight, Firefighter, High School
Diploma , Lower middle class, Mesg ID 6599111522
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Question:
My youngest daughter has told me she is bisexual. I have no problem
with this because I love her very much and she is quite an
intelligent young woman who knows her own power. But what exactly
does "bisexual" mean? I know that may sound ignorant on my part, but
I really want to know about her lifestyle.
POSTED 6/22/99
Charlette H., Mt. Washington, KY, United States,
<charlettehines@eudoramail.com> , Female, Wiccan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Librarian, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID
6219972505
Responses:
Bisexual means you are sexually attracted to both males and
females. Many people are. I am a divorced mom with two kids. I am
bisexual. It's completely normal in all respects. Relax; your
daughter is OK.
POSTED 6/28/99
Elizabeth, Indianapolis, IN, United States, Female, Atheist,
Bisexual, Sales, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID 6279932319
I feel that bisexuality is the hardest moniker to have because it
usually doesn't mean anything except "I love whomever I choose to
love." Your daughter is probably a very open-minded young lady with
the ability to enjoy her own body without the guilt programmed into
most of America.
POSTED 6/28/99
Glenn O., Austin, TX, United States, <gortego@hotmail.com> ,
28, Male, still searching, White/Caucasian, Straight, Electronics
Technician, Technical School , Lower middle class, Mesg ID
6269981500
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