Best of the Week
of July 2, 2000
Best of Week
Archives
Here are the most intriguing cross-cultural exchanges
either begun or advanced during the week of July 2, 2000, as selected
by Y? These postings, as well as "Best of the Week"
entries from previous weeks, also can be found by accessing Y?'s new
database using the search form, or, in the
case of answers posted before April 24, 1999, in the
Original Archives (all questions
from the Original Archives have been entered into the new database as
well). In the Original Archives and the new database, you will find
questions that have received answers, as well as questions still
awaiting responses. You are encouraged to answer any questions
relevant to your demographic background, as well as to ask any
provocative question you desire. Answers posted are not necessarily
meant to represent the views of an entire demographic group, but can
provide a window into the insights of an individual from that
group.
First-time users should first make a quick stop at Y?'s
guidelines pages for asking and
answering questions.
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Question:
I have a black friend who says he thinks the oddest "white folks"
food is peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches. Are there any other odd
foods black people find especially associated with white people?
POSTED 7/7/2000
George G., Los Angeles, CA, United States, 68, Male, Atheist,
White/Caucasian, Straight, likes peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches,
Writer, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
76200044618
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Question:
I have a few gay friends who sometimes joke about "twinks." What does
this term refer to?
POSTED 7/7/2000
Nina, Albany, NY, United States, 22, Female, Atheist, student, 2
Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 76200091202
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Question:
When white people start doing something black people have always been
doing, why does it then become mainstream, the greatest phenomenon,
etc.? Past example: Elvis. Present: N'Sync, Britany Spears, etc. Why
do white people reward their people more when they do something black
people do?
POSTED 7/7/2000
Dawn, Greenville, NC, United States, 22, Female, Black/African
American, 2 Years of College, Mesg ID 76200095523
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Question:
Why do neighborhoods invariably deteriorate after blacks move in?
POSTED 6/27/2000
Stan, Bensalem, PA, United States, <stan192@aol.com>, Male,
Catholic, White/Caucasian, Straight, postman, 2 Years of College,
Mesg ID 626200063133
Responses:
Neighborhoods do not necessarily deteriorate when black people
move in. Any community will suffer a decline when people feel
compelled to move out, which generally happens when a few black
people move into a 'white' neighborhood. As black people replace
those people, the place becomes generally stigmatized, even if the
neighborhood is still aesthetically pleasing and a nice place to
live. It becomes a 'black' neighborhood, where crime is expected to
dwell (even if it doesn't). Eventually, the good, hard-working folks
move out because they either don't like living a stigmatized area
(some black people don't like living next to other black people) or
they want to live somewhere else. Because property values have unduly
plummeted, who's left to take up the slack but the ne'er-do-wellers
who give all poor neighborhoods a bad name? Thus, it's not black
people, but the flight of money and work ethic, that causes a
community's downfall. But this scenerio doesn't always happen,
especially when a neighborhood is a mixed income one. There are a lot
of all-black and integrated neighborboods that are just as nice as
lily-white ones. And there are plenty of white ones that are less
than desirable.
POSTED 7/6/2000
Tish, Newark, NJ, United States, Female, Black/African American, Full
time graduate student, Mesg ID 710082501
Greatly simplified, the typical pattern usually goes like this: 1)
Middle-class blacks move into a formerly predominantly white
neighborhood. For a short time (5-10 years), there is a period of
integration. Whites leave because they are relocating or moving to
larger houses, not because of the racial transition of the
neighborhood. 2) Realtors usually don't practice blockbusting (the
practice of scaring white homeowners into selling), but increasingly
they don't show white homebuyers properties in the area. Black
homebuyers are often steered toward the changing neighborhood because
it's perceived as a place where they'll feel comfortable. 3) After so
many blacks move in, there is a 'tipping point,' a percentage at
which whites begin to move out because the neighborhood becomes 'too
black' - the whites fear living in what may appear to be a future
ghetto. Usually the tipping point is 30 percent to 35 percent black.
4) As many houses go on the market at once, prices drop (decreased
demand, increased supply = low prices.) The middle-class exodus
accelerates, with both whites and blacks leaving, trying to cut their
losses and preserve as much equity as possible. 5) With lower home
prices, low-income blacks can now afford to buy houses in the area.
Many houses are also purchased by absentee landlords, who tend not to
be very selective in screening their tenants. I've found that newer
cities that are less ethnically insular tend to integrate much better
than old Eastern and Midwestern cities. Denver has many once-black
neighborhoods (Five Points, North Park Hill, Montbello) where whites
are flocking to, because they have affordable housing prices or
historic character. There are some exceptions where 'managed
integration' was successful - the Hyde Park neighborhood in Chicago;
Oak Park, Ill.; and Shaker Heights and Cleveland Heights, Ohio.
POSTED 7/6/2000
Dan, Denver, CO, United States, 34, Male, White/Caucasian, Urban
planner, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
740021421
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Question:
To everyone: What kind of person is a 'cat person'? It seems to me
that most people I know who like me are white. Do people of color
have cats, too? People from countries other than the United States?
Do women like cats more than men?
POSTED 7/5/2000
Shadow, Minneapolis, MN, United States, 12, Female, Gray, furry
Feline-American, Mesg ID 752000114442
Responses:
I think cat lovers tend to be quieter, calmer and more
introspective than dog lovers. I think book lovers are more likely to
be cat lovers than dog lovers. Extroverts seem to prefer dogs.
POSTED 7/7/2000
C.P., Montreal, Quebec, NA, Canada, 22, Female, Mesg ID
76200093647
Shadow, to answer some of your questions: I am the 'stereotypical'
cat person - white, female and artistically inclined. However, I have
known Asians, Latinos and blacks who have had cats. I think there may
be more white cat owners because more whites own their own homes -
many renters are not allowed to have pets. It is true that more women
than men like cats, but there seems to be a stigma attached to liking
cats for men - cats are perceived to be 'women's pets' and not
'manly' like, say, large dogs. Finally, yes, people in other
countries own cats. I have corresponded with people in Brazil and
India, among other places, who have owned cats. Pet ownership in
general, however, is a luxury that many people in less-developed
countries cannot afford.
POSTED 7/7/2000
Crystal, Oakland, CA, United States, 30's, Female, Pagan,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Office Manager, Middle class, Mesg ID
77200010451
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Question:
I had numerous sexual encounters when I was a kid. I thought nothing
of it until the brouhaha over sexual abuse started in the late '70s.
I was afraid to say that I had had sex as a kid and liked it after so
many people said it was the most awful thing that could happen to a
kid. Am I in a very small minority? Has anyone else experienced sex
or sex play when fairly young and found it to be no big deal?
POSTED 7/5/2000
Paul K., Orlando, FL, United States, 51, Male, Episcopalian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, corporate executive, 4 Years of College ,
Upper class, Mesg ID 752000115526
Responses:
What type of sexual encounters are you talking about? Playing
doctor with other kids, intercourse with an adult or something in
between? And how young is fairly young?
POSTED 7/6/2000
Jacqueline C., San Jose, CA, United States, 26, Female, Middle class,
Mesg ID 76200013628
There's something patently humiliating and terrifying about being
an 11-year-old tomboy and having a trusted family friend wrap you up
in a big bear hug. That bear hug then leads to a full, wet kiss, a
wandering finger circling your not-even-there breasts, fondling and
stroking you. This happens a few times over the course of months
before you speak up and get him banished from the family. You're too
scared and ashamed and embarrassed to prosecute, and your
well-meaning parents let it go, as you wish. That's nothing compared
to what happens to some children, but it's what happened to me. I had
the great fortune of having my sexuality thrown in my lap at an age
when I still thought boys were 'grody.' I was terrified of all men I
wasn't related to for many years; then I decided I wasn't worth
anything and slept around a while. Finally, I talked about it with
friends and family, and quit being a victim. It's in my past now and
doesn't affect my life or sexuality at all. Not anymore. If you
enjoyed 'playing doctor' with other children, that's normal
developmental behavior. If, however, you're talking about enjoying
being molested by an adult, and enjoying it ... wow. If that's how
you've chosen to deal with it, fine; just don't go thinking it'd be a
great idea to share your 'joy' with another young person. That would
make you a pedophile.
POSTED 7/7/2000
Christine, Nashville, TN, United States, 32, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Attorney, Over 4 Years of College , Upper middle class,
Mesg ID 76200015605
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Question:
Why do so many Hispanics display huge Nike logos on the back window
of their cars and trucks? Many also display their last name spelled
out in Gothic letters. I have never seen a car driven by an Anglo
with a big Nike logo or their name on the back window.
POSTED 7/5/2000
Joshua, Albuquerque, NM, United States, Male, Mesg ID 75200035630
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Question:
I´m 19 and straight but feel really attracted to lesbians. I
really like to watch them, but I don´t know why. Can someone
explain this to me?
POSTED 7/4/00
Fachita, Cobija, NA, Bolivia, 19, Male, Latin, Straight, Student,
Less than High School Diploma , Middle class,Mesg ID 7300122026
Responses:
Throughout my high school years, I, too, was fascinated by women
I thought might be lesbians. These included athletes at my school, as
well as women in movies/TV or whom I'd happen to see in public. I was
intimidated by and ashamed of these feelings, yet I could not stop
wondering about these women. All the while, I had monogamous,
long-term heterosexual relationships. In adulthood, I thought I'd
found the man I would marry, and this inexplicable curiosity about
lesbianism subsided. When that 5-year relationship ended, for the
first time in my life a (bisexual) woman friend of mine confided in
me that she found me attractive. After I got over the initial shock,
and over the course of several months, our friendship transformed
into a romantic relationship. That's when I understood what all the
curiosity was about when I was younger. Dating men was fine, OK, good
... I always liked guys, still do. But being with a woman was... WOW!
At last I feel that I know what has been missing all my life. It's
been 5 years, and I have not thought about men romantically
since.
POSTED 7/7/2000
Michelle, San Diego, CA, United States, <danko68@hotmail.com>,
32, Female, Unitarian, White/Caucasian, Lesbian, research associate,
Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 762000100217
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Question:
I have always wondered how a girl arrives at the point of displaying
her private parts to strangers for money, and what the circumstances
are. Little girls aspire to be doctors, actresses and lawyers, but
surely not nude dancers, so how do they become dancers? Yet I find
most nude dancers at strip clubs fascinating. Most I've talked to
come from white, middle-class backgrounds and are bright and
educated. One girl I got a lap dance from was born and raised in
Beverly Hills and attends a reputable four-year university. Not quite
a teenage runaway from a troubled home life. So how do these girls
become nude dancers? Were they abused sexually in childhood, thus the
'different' view of sexuality? At what point does money become more
important than maintaining one's sexual privacy?
POSTED 5/15/00
Noah, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Male, Straight, engineer, Over
4 Years of College, Mesg ID 14200093007
Responses:
We strip because we are smart enough to figure out how to get
fast and legal money in this often crude and unfair society. I am
well-educated and was raised in a great home. I'm intelligent enough
to do whatever I want, but chose to dance for some quick,
no-commitment cash. I danced for a while and then quit when I reached
a financial goal. This was a few years ago, and I have had no
problems with myself and my decisions. But please know two
things:
1) We, the 'bright and educated,' are excellent liars to get some
green. I could tell you I was from Compton or Beverly Hills, and
honey, you wouldn't know the difference.
2) We do it because many 'bright and educated' fools like you waste
your money there.
POSTED 7/4/00
Beth, Secaucus, NJ, United States, 25, Female, Christian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, self-employed, 4 Years of College, Middle
class, Mesg ID 6122000100123
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Question:
To heterosexual men and women: In your relationships, who wants to
have sex more often? Is it a myth that men want it more often than
women - especially because men reach their sexual peak at 18, and
women don't reach theirs until 35-40?
POSTED 7/3/00
Rhiannon, Eden Prairie, MN, United States, 29, Female, Jewish,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle class,
Mesg ID 62900114220
Responses:
First, let's talk about this 'sexual peak at 18' thing that is
constantly thrown up at men. Sexual peak, in this context (male), is
based on scientific studies that measured frequency of erections,
refraction (elapsed time between orgasms), seminal fluid volume and
the all-important sperm count and viability. In women, sexual peak is
defined as ability to reach orgasm, which appears to be later in
life. Notice the unfairness of this. The man's sexual peak is defined
in terms of how the equipment runs for straight reproduction. To be
fair, in women the comparable would be ability to get pregnant, which
is demonstrably in the teenage years as well. Neither measure is
sexual peak in my book. Sexual peak is having a satisfying experience
for both my partner and I. Quality improves with age and experience
in both sexes (and decreases markedly if there are young children in
the house). As far as who wants it more, in my limited experience (my
marriage), I make the 'moves' 90 percent of the time.
POSTED 7/4/00
Steve, Houston, TX, United States, 40, Male, White/Caucasian,
Straight, Corporate Cubicle Guy, Over 4 Years of College , Upper
middle class, Mesg ID 7300112527
Wouldn't it be great if men and women had the same level of sexual
desire at the same time? It's my experience, however, that they
don't. I've always wanted it more, and that's still the case, even
though my wife and I are 36, which should put her at her so-called
sexual peak.
POSTED 7/4/00
Andrew, Huntington, NY, United States, <ziptron@start.com.au>,
36, Male, Jewish, White/Caucasian, Straight, Reporter, 4 Years of
College , Middle class, Mesg ID 730080539
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Question:
My friends and I were at the 'Cheesecake Factory,' and the restaurant
was very crowded. We were standing in a very small space (there was
nowhere else to stand) and many people had to get by us. Most blacks
would say 'excuse me' in order to pass, but not one white person did
the same. This isn't the first time I've encountered whites not
saying those magic words, but on this night it was on a large scale.
What's the deal?
POSTED 7/3/00
Sheena, Los Angeles, CA, United States, 29, Female, Christian,
Black/African American, Straight, 4 Years of College, Mesg ID
6300074736
Responses:
I hate to sound prejudiced, but I've always wondered about this,
too. Many white people seem oblivious to the people around them,
whether they stand in your way and ignore you as you say 'excuse me,'
forcing you to shove your way between or around them, or whether they
are doing the shoving, without saying a word.
POSTED 7/4/00
Jennifer R., St. Paul, MN, United States, 29, Female, Humanist,
Black/African American, Straight, Writer/Student, 4 Years of College
, Middle class, Mesg ID 730045721
I do say 'excuse me,' 'thank you,' 'you're welcome,' etc. Having
said that, let me say that I lived in Mexico and was horrified at the
way 'American tourists' interacted with natives. It seemed they
always expected to be served and were extremely rude, making me
ashamed to be 'American.' I believe it to be a 'mainstream' cultural
trait.
POSTED 7/5/2000
Laurene, San Juan Capistrano, CA, United States, 49, Female,
Agnostic, White/Caucasian, Straight, Secretary, 2 Years of College,
Mesg ID 75200030814
I can only speak for myself. I am a white educated female who way
overuses the phrase 'excuse me,' because, well, I don't want to be
rude to anyone. People of any color who don't say 'excuse me,'
'please' and 'thank-you' are just plain rude.
POSTED 7/5/2000
Jennifer C., Arlington, VA, United States, Female, White/Caucasian,
Straight, government employee, Mesg ID 75200021917
I often wondered the same thing, noticing white folks would rather
squeeze past me or go out of their way to avoid saying excuse me. I
believed it was because they felt it unnecessary to be polite to
African Americans. Then I noticed they don't say excuse me to each
other often, either. At one point in my career, I worked in retail
and was often the first person many of the white salespeople
encountered in the morning, and many would not say a simple 'Good
morning,' even if I did first. Was it because I was black? Was it
because I held a management position? Was it both? I came to the
conclusion that they just were not trained to be polite as a matter
of course. Being polite for African Americans was not only a sign of
good upbringing, but in some instances a matter of life or death. I'm
glad to know I'm not the only one witnessing this behavior.
POSTED 7/5/2000
Maggie F., Detroit, MI, United States, 38, Female, Catholic,
Black/African American, Straight, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 742000114044
Here's an interesting reversal of your situation: Last year and
the year before, when I was in year 11 and 12 at school, I noticed
that white kids in year 7 and 8 would always scurry right out of my
way if I tried to walk past or through a group of them before I had a
chance to say 'excuse me' - but if I were trying to get past
Aboriginal kids of the same age, even after excusing myself, I would
have to dodge and weave around the kids, because they usually just
stood their ground. (By the way, I am 5'2" and extremely slight.)
Even if I was (accidentally) obviously on a collision course with
another Aboriginal (younger or my age), they would never appear to
see me. It doesn't really worry me, but I wonder what it's all
about.
POSTED 7/5/2000
Netta, Armidale, NA, Australia, 18, Female, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Student, High School Diploma , Middle
class, Mesg ID 74200084646
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Question:
Why do clergy (particularly black Protestants) often drive luxury
cars? I've heard them refer to the car as 'a gift from God.'
POSTED 7/3/00
Beverly P., Lawrence, KS, United States, 40, Female, White/Caucasian,
Over 4 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID 6300085646
Responses:
Such a thing usually depends on the denomination and community.
Certain churches located in affluent communities may try to project
an image of prestige, and the appearance of a well-living senior
pastor would greatly contribute to such an image (supported by the
hefty tithes and offerings of the affluent parishioners). With
certain black churches, some congregations can run pretty large,
numbering in the several thousands or even the five-digit range.
Pastors there would be able to live well without taking a huge dent
out of the coffers. But the majority of pastors I have known are not
like this. The senior pastor at my church is in his mid-40s, has four
kids (two in college), has a master's degree and makes $25,000 a
year. Our blue-collar congregation does what it can to support him
and his family. He works 60 hours a week and is under enormous
stress. Our old associate pastor worked part-time as a local trucker.
The majority of ministers I have known either live modestly or in
borderline poverty. This is especially true in most Pentecostal
denominations, which are often associated with inner cities and rural
areas.
POSTED 7/4/00
Dan, Los Angeles area, CA, United States, 21, Male, Pentecostal
Christian, Hispanic/Latino, Student, Lower middle class, Mesg ID
7300105138
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Question:
Why are the British so racist and xenophobic? Why do they stereotype
and degrade (as part of their 'humor')? What are British children
taught about accepting other cultures? How can they say 'all these
people are stupid' with good conscience?
POSTED 6/30/00
Regina, New York City, NY, United States, Female, Mesg ID
6300031518
Responses:
I don't accept the implicit assumption of the question: That the
United States is less racist and xenophobic. But then, I am
Australian and grew up with residual British values here in the
middle of the last century. Britain has an established class system,
and changes in attitudes tend to work from the middle classes up and
down. There's lot of racism and xenophobia in the lowest
socio-economic groups, particularly older people. From my point of
view, the United States is the most xenophobic country - not because
it has negative views toward other countries - more because of its
massive general ignorance of most countries. News programs carry
little international news unless Americans are involved. Most people
in the United States have little idea of government structures in
other countries being fundamentally different, and so on. Would other
non-United States residents care to comment?
POSTED 7/3/00
Kent, Melbourne, NA, Australia, 58, Male, Episcopalian,
White/Caucasian, Straight, manager, Over 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 63000113650
I'm Irish but live and work in London. My job has taken me all
over the world, and I find Londoners probably the least xenophobic
people on earth. That's not to say they can't be small-minded, but
you find that everywhere. I'd be interested to know why you feel the
British are xenophobic. London is now the most ethnically diverse
city in the world, although New York has more minorities. The 'black'
dance music scene dominates youth culture, the national dish is
curry, and on the way to work in the morning you can buy a newspaper
from anywhere in the world. It has a thriving, well-integrated gay
scene - this weekend saw the largest gay festival in Europe -and at
the end of August the Notting Hill carnival will see millions of
people from all over the world gather to party to Caribbean music in
the streets. Unlike U.S. cities, it is not ghettoized. There are no
single-race neighborhoods. Yes, you could give examples of racial
tension, but it's the exception. People live side by side with little
trouble. Children here don't need to be taught about accepting other
cultures, as they live and are educated in a multicultural society.
Busing is not necessary. And as for 'taking the piss' out of other
nations, just as much of the British humor is self-defacing. I'm not
trying to claim it's Nirvana, but on the whole London provides a
pretty good example of how people from all over the world can live
together if they are willing to tolerate one another. We've got a
long way to go here, but we're getting there.
POSTED 7/4/00
Oisin, London, NA, United Kingdom, 25, Male, Agnostic,
White/Caucasian, Straight, Banking, 4 Years of College , Middle
class, Mesg ID 730060526
As an American who has lived in London, I have to agree with Kent
that we are far more xenophobic than the British. The Brits do have
it over us in the class discrimination department. Americans are
brought up to believe that we can overcome humble upbringings to be
accepted in 'high class' society. In Britain, more specifically in
England, a lower-class accent can make one a pariah for life. As to
the British sense of humor, it's just drier and more pointed than
ours.
POSTED 7/4/00
Emma, Los Angeles, CA, United States, Female, Mesg ID 730030848
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Question:
Why are most 7-11's and gas stations run by (Asian) Indians?
POSTED 7/3/00
Ginna, Hazlet, NJ, United States, Female, Mesg ID 7100104554
Responses:
Most aren't. Most convenience stores are run by white people. In
places where there is a significant Indian/Southeast Asian
population, convenience stores are staffed by Indians who need to put
food on their table. If you come to this country without established
connections or an advanced college degree, you work where you can
until you can do better. It may seem particularly so where you live
because a lot of immigrants settle in and around New York, but if you
drove into an area where the inhabitants were largely of some other
group, you'd find the convenience store workers ironically also
belong that group; unless there's an established higher and lower
class.
POSTED 7/4/00
Amanda, Boston, MA, United States, 21, Female, Black/African
American, student, 2 Years of College , Middle class, Mesg ID
7300102023
About two years ago I was hosting a representative from a large
manufacturer in India. We got to be pretty close friends, and I felt
comfortable enough to ask him this same basic question - only, I
asked why so many 'Patels' seem to own and operate small hotels(Motel
6, Super 8 etc) in the United States. He acknowledged that this was
indeed more than a coincidence and had to do with the Indian Caste
System. The Patel Caste (if I am calling that by the wrong name, no
disrespect intended) are small hotel and shop owners (and presumably
other small businesses). When they come to the United States, they do
what they know. According to my Indian friend, the older generations
can sometimes tend to live within their Caste System, even when
living abroad, in presumed freedom. Their children, however, quite
often adapt to the freedoms in the United States and take advantage
of the opportunities afforded them outside their traditional caste
'definition,' going on to be doctors, lawyers, managers, teachers,
etc.
POSTED 7/4/00
David S., Columbia, SC, United States, 30, Male, White/Caucasian, 4
Years of College, Mesg ID 7400120645
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